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The  Pickwick  papers 


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WORKS 


OP 


CHARLES  DICKENS. 

€ilott  <Blitttoti« 

lOmtraied  from  Detigns  fty  DarUjf  and  GUbert 
IHE  PICKWICK  PAPERS. 


MMM  roLtTMEa  /jr  ojrji. 


NEW   YORK: 

PUBUSHED  BY  KURD  AND  HOUGHTON, 

i59  Broovib  Stbsr. 

1868. 


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by  Google 


y^p     /6^393 


Interad  aooordUng  to  Aet  of  OoagoMi,  In  the  jmi  1S67,  by 

HORD  AMD  HoUOarOM, 

Id  Om  Clark's  Offloe  ot  tbe  DUtelot  Oonrt  tea  IIm  Soathwn  Distiiet  of 
MtwToik. 


UTttSDI,  oaxbiimb: 

■  TBEBOTTPBV    A1VI>    PBIVTED    ■. 

B.  0.  BOUOBMK  ASD  COMPAVT. 


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THE    POSTHUMOUS   PAPERS 


THE    PICKWICK    CLUB. 


YOLUMB  I. 


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PBfif  ACS. 


Ah  aufthor  who  bas  much  tb  ^omnittirfQale  undor  this 
head,  and  expects  to  hare  ft  irMended  txs  majr  te  eom- 
pared  to  a  man  who  tilces  his  fViend  hj  the  bnttoa  «t  a 
Theatre  Door,  and  seels  to  eiiftettain  him  with  a  per- 
sonal gossip  before  he  goes  m  lo  ibe  plaj. 

Nevertheless,  as  Prefaees,  Hbongh  seldMi  read,  are 
continnafly  written,  no  doabt  for  the  bekoof  of  that  so 
lichlj  and  so  disintei^tedly  endowed  persMu^e,  Fdslep- 
Ity  (who  wiD  come  into  an  immense  fortane),  I  add  nqr 
legacy  to  the  general  i  emembi  anoe* 

It  was  observed,  in  the  Preface  to  the  original  Sdi- 
tSon^  that  the  Pidnnck  Fillers  were  deeigned  for  te 
mtrodncdon  of  diverting  c^aitMSters  and  incidents ;  that 
no  ingemntj  of  plot  was  attempted,  or  even  at  <bat  time 
oonndered  verjftaefible  bj  the  author  i»  oeoneotion  with 
the  desultory  mode  of  pnbfieadott  adopted ;  md  that  te 
machinery  of  the  CSab,  proving  cumtmms  in  the  man* 
agement,  was  gndnally  abandoned  as  the  woik  pro- 
gressed. Although,  on  one  of  these  points,  experience 
and  study  have  ^nce  taught  me  something,  aad  I  coaid 


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X  PBSFACSi 

perhaps  wish  now,  that  these  chapters  were  strong  to- 
gether on  a  stronger  thread  of  general  interest,  still, 
what  they  are,  they  were  designed  to  be. 

I  have  seen  yarious  accounts  in  print,  of  the  origin 
of  these  Pickwick  Piq[>ers;  which  have,  at  aU  events, 
possessed  —  for  me  —  the  charm  of  perfect  novel^. 
As  I  may  infer,  from  the  occasional  appearance  of  such 
histories,  that  my  readers  have  an  interest  in  the  matter, 
[  will  relate  how  they  came  into  existence. 

I  was  a  young  man  of  three-and-twen^,  when  the 
present  publishers,  attracted  by  some  pieces  I  was  at 
that  time  writing  in  the  Morning  Chronicle  newspaper, 
(of  which  one  series  had  lately  been  collected  and  pub- 
Ushed  in  two  vdmnes,  illustrated  by  my  esteemed  friend, 
Mb.  Gaoitax  Critikshank),  waited  upon  me  to  pro- 
pose a  something  that  should  be  published  in  shilling 
numbers — then  only  known  to  me,  or,  I  believe,  to 
anybody  else,  by  a  dim  recollection  of  certain  intermina- 
ble novels  in  that  form,  which  used  to  be  carried  about 
the  country  by  peddlers,  and  over  some  of  which  I  re- 
member to  have  died  innumerxible  tears,  before  I*  bad 
served  my  apprenticeship  to  life. 

When  I  (^ned  my  door  in  Fumival's  Inn  to  the 
managing  partner  who  represented  the  firm,  I  recog- 
nized in  him  tiie  person  from  whose  hands  I  had  bought, 
two  en*  three  years  previously,  and  whom  I  had  never 
seen  be&re  or  since,  my  first  copy  of  the  Magazine  in 
which  my  first  effutton  —  dropped  stealthily  one  even- 
ing at  twilight,  with,  foar  and  trembling,  into  a  dark 


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RfiFAOC  xi 

tetter-box,  in  a  dark  offioe,  up  a  dark  ooiurt  in  Fleet 
Street — appeared  in  all  the  glory  ci  print;  on  wbiofa 
memorable  occasion-^bow  w^  I  reooUect  iti— I  walked 
down  to  Westminster  Hall,  and  tamed  into  it  for  half- 
an-bour,  because  mj  eyes  were  so  dimmed  with  joy  and 
pride,  that  tiiey  ooold  not  bear  the  street,  and  were  not 
it  to  be  seen  there.  I  told  my  yisitor  of  the  eoinci- 
denoe,  which  we  both  hailed  as  a  good  omen ;  and  so 
fell  to  business. 

The  idea  propounded  to  me  was,  that  the  numthlj 
something  should  be  a  yefan^  lor  certain  plates  to  be 
executed  by  Mb.  SaTMOUR ;  and  there  was  a  notion, 
either  on  the  part  of  that  admirable  humorous  artist^ 
or  <^  my  visitor  (I  foi^t  whidi),  that  a  '^Nimrod 
Club,"  the  members  of  which  were  to  go  out  shootings 
fishing,  and  so  forth,  and  getting  themselves  into  diffi* 
cnlties  through  th^  want  of  dexterity,  would  be  the 
best  means  of  introdudng  these.  I  objected,  on  con- 
sideration, that  although  bom  and  partly  bred  in  the 
country,  I  was  no  great  sportsman,  except  in  regard  of 
aB  kinds  of  k)ComoUon ;  that  the  idea  was  not  novel, 
and  had  be^i  already  much  used ;  that  it  would  be  in- 
finitdy  better  for  the  plates  to  arise  naturally  out  of  the 
text ;  and  that  I  should  like  to  take  my  own  way,  with 
a  freer  range  of  English  scenes  and  people,  and  was 
afraid  I  should  ultimately  do  so  in  any  case,  whatever 
course  I  mi^t  prescribe  to  myself  at  starting.  My 
views  being  deferred  to,  I  thought  of  Mr.  Pickwick; 
and  wrote  the  first  number ;  from  the  proof-sheets  of 

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Xn  PHEFACS. 

which,  Mr.  Setmoub  made  bis  Arawiag  of  the  Clab, 
and  that  happy  portrait  of  its  founder,  by  which  he  v 
always  reco^ised,  and  which  may  be  said  to  have  made 
him  a  reality.  I  comieoted  Mr.  Pickwick  with  a  dob, 
because  of  the  original  soggestion,  and  I  p«t  in  Mti 
Winkle  expree^  for  the  use  of  Mr.  Sbtmoub.  We 
started  with  a  number  of  twenty-foor  pages  instead  of 
thirty-two,  «id  four  ilhetndions  in  lien  of  a  ooupk. 
Mr.  Seymour's  sudden  and  lamented  death  before  the 
second  number  was  published,  brought  about  a  quick 
deciMon  upon  a  point  already  in  agitation ;  the  number 
became  one  of  thirty-lwo  pages  with  two  iUustradons, 
and  remained  so  to  the  end.  My  friends  told  me  it  was 
a  low,  cheap  form  of  pttblication,*  by  which  I  should 
ruin  all  my  rising  hopes ;  and  how  right  my  friends 
turned  out  to  be^  everybody  now  knows. 

^  Boz,"  my  signaitttre  in  the  Morning  Otraaide,  ap* 
pended  to  Ae  monthly  cover  of  this  book^  and  retained 
kmg  afterwards,  was  the  mckmone  of  a  pet  dnld,  a 
younger  brother,  whom  I  had  dubbed  Moses,  in  honor 
of  the  Vicar  of  Wakefield;  which  being  facetiously 
pronounced  tlnroogh  the  nose,  becaiae  Boses,  and  being 
shortened,  became  Box.  ''Bos'*  was  a  veiy  famiiiar 
household  word  to  me,  long  before  I  was  an  author, 
and  so  I  came  to  adopt  it. 

It  has  been  observed  of  Mr.  Pidtwid^  that  there  is 
a  decided  change  in  his  character,  as  these  pages  pro* 

♦  This  book  would  have  cost,  at  the  then  established  price  of  novels 
ibout  fonr  gniness  and  a  half. 


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PRIFAGB.  xiii 

eeed,  mod  thai  he  beoomeB  iiMr»  good  and  nore  flemibtet 
I  do  ifOt  ihmk  this  (^Huoge  will  appear  forced  or  unna^ 
oral  to  mj  readers,  if  thej  will  refleol  that  m  real  life 
tlie  pecaKaritiea  and  oddities  of  a  man  who  has  anj« 
thing  whimsical  about  hkn,  generallj  impress  vs  first, 
and  that  it  is  not  until  we  are  better  acquainted  with 
him  that  we  osnaUy  begin  to  look  below  these  snp^* 
ficial  traits,  and  to  know  the  better  part  of  him* 

Lest  there  should  be  any  well-intentioned  persons 
who  do  not  pereeiye  the  differenos  (as  some  such  could 
noty  when  ou>  morijlutt  was  newfy  published)  be» 
tween  i>el%ion  and  the  eantcf  religion,  psetj  and  the  pro* 
lenoe  of  pie^,  an  hutnUe  reverence  fbr  the  great  truths 
ef  scripture,  and  an  audacious  and  offeuMTe  obtrusion  of 
its  letter  and  not  its  spirit  in  the  oommoneflt  dissensions 
and  meanest  affairs  of  life,  to  the  extraordinary  confu^ 
sioD  of  ignorant,  mind«b  let  them  undeosland  that  it  is 
always  the  buter*  and  never  the  fimner,  which  is  sa^ 
iriaed  here.  Further,  that  the  latter  is  here  satiriied 
as  being,  according  to  all  experienee,  ioeonaistent  wi^ 
the  former,  impossible  of  union  with  it,  aad  one  of  the 
most  evO  and  mischievous  falsehoods  existent  in  society 
—whether  it  establish  its  head-quarters,  fbr  the  time 
being,  in  Exeter  Hall,  or  Eb^iezer  Chapel,  or  both* 
It  may  appear  unnecessary  to  offer  a  word  of  observa^ 
tion  on  so  plain  a  head.  But,  it  is  never  out  of  season 
to  protest  i^gaanst  that  coarse  familiarity  with  sacred 
things,  which  )8  busy  on  the  lip,  and  idle  in  Hie  heart  t 
or  agaiBBt  the  confounding  of  Christianity  with  any  class 

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xiv  PREFACE. 

of  persons  who,  in  the  words  of  Swift,  have  just 
enough  religion  to  make  them  hate,  and  not  enough  to 
make  them  love,  one  another. 

I  have  found  it  curious  and  interesting,  looking  over 
the  sheets  of  this  reprint,  to  mark  what  important  social 
improvements  have  taken  place  about  us,  almost  imper* 
ceptibly,  even  since  they  were  originally  written.  The 
license  of  Counsel,  and  the  degree  to  which  Junes  are 
kigeniouflly  bewildered,  are  yet  susceptible  of  modera- 
tion ;  while  an  improvement  in  the  mode  of  conducting 
Parliamentary  Elections  (especially  for  counties)  is  stiU 
within  the  bounds  of  possibility.  But,  legal  reforms 
have  pared  the  daws  of  Messrs.  Dodson  and  Fogg;  a 
spirit  of  self-respect,  mutual  forbearance,  education,  and 
cooperation,  for  such  good  ends,  has  difiused  itself  among 
their  clerks ;  places  far  impart,  are  brought  together,  to 
the  present  convenience  and  advantage  of  the  Public, 
and  to  the  certain  destruction,  in  time,  of  a  host  of  petty 
jealousies,  blindnesses,  and  prejudices,  by  which  the 
Public  alone  have  always  been  the  sufferers ;  the  laws 
relating  to  imprisonment  {dt  debt  are  altered ;  and  the 
Fleet  Prison  is  pulled  down  1 

With  such  a  retrospect  comprised  within  so  short  a 
period,  who  knows,  but  it  may  be  discovered,  within 
this  Century,  that  there  are  even  magistrates  in  town 
and  country,  who  should  be  taught  to  shake  liands  every 
day  with  Common-sense  and  Justice ;  that  even  Poor 
Laws  may  have  mercy  on  the  weak,  the  aged,  and 
unfortunate;   that  Schools,  on  the  broad  principles  of 

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PREFACE.  XT 

Christianity,  are  the  hest  adornment  for  the  length  and 
breadth  of  this  dvilized  land;  that  Prison-doors  should 
be  barred  on  the  outside,  no  less  heavily  and  carefuUj 
than  they  are  barred  within;  that  the  uniyersal  difib- 
sion  of  common  means  of  decency  and  health  is  as 
much  the  right  of  the  poorest  of  the  poor,  as  it  is  indis- 
pensable to  the  safe^  of  the  rich,  and  of  the  State ;  that 
a  few  petty  boards  and  bodies — less  than  drops  in  the 
great  ocean  of  humanity,  which  roars  around  them— 
are  not  to  let  loose  Fever  and  Consumption  on  God's 
creatures  at  their  will,  or  always  to  keep  their  little 
fiddles  going,  for  a  Dance  of  Death  I 


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CONTBaSTS  OP  VOLUMB  I 

CHAPTSft  V  9»m 

Tb»I1ckwickliMi« IS 

TIm  int  Dtj^ft  J<Mn9i  «Bd  that  tat  fivwivf't  A4i«tfnM; 
v])tli  tdiic  Qqmmimiiqoi       «•••«••.      M 

CHilPTBB  tSL 
A  mw  AeqmiateBM.    TIm  8liott8C*t  Xak.   ▲  iitagmtMt  b- 
tcmiytiop t  »iid  •a iiB|tciiimt  B^ncoatre       «      •       .       .   fi. 

dUPREB  I?. 
A  Flald-diqr  and  BrroaM.    Hon  bmt  Fkiendt;  ud  «■  lATitttk« 
to  the  GooBtrf SI 

CHAPTEB  V. 
A  ihort  one— thowiiig,  among  other  Ifatton,  horn  Mr.  PfekwkA. 
imdMtook  to  My%  and  Mr«  W^iakto  to  life;  and  how  thaj 
bothdidit        .......;..    18 

GHAPTEB  VL 
An  old  ftwhionod  Card  Parlyw   Tho  Ovg^man't  VovHi.    TIm 
0lM>fOfteOottvfc^BMMPn  .       .       »      .       .       .       .Uir 

CHAPTEB  Vn. 

How  Mr.  Winkle,  ioetead  of  ihooting  at  the  Pigooo  and  kflDnf  fht 

..    Grow,  ifaot  at  the  Crow  and  wounded  the  Pigeon;  how  the 

DSngl]^  DeQ  CMcket  dob  played  aU  Huggletoo,  and  how  alt 

Mngi^eton  dined  at  tho  Dingliy'IMIoKpenae:  withodMrfai- 

'    tareitfaig  and  ioatmctiiiio  Mattoii      ......  UtT 


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rriii  CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER  Vm.  PAM 

Stoonglj  iOmtratiTe  of  the  PoflHkm,  that  the  Coune  of  True  Lore 
b  not  a  Raflway IM 

CHAPTER  DC. 
A  Dlsooyeiy  and  a  Chase ITS 

CHAPTER  X. 
Clearing  op  all  Doubts  (if  M|f  egtUiM)  of 't^  lEMiinterestednest  of 
Mr.  Jingle*8  Character      .       .       ...       .       .       .186 

CHAPTW  XI. 
Inyolving  another  Joomey,  and  an  Antiquarian  Discoyeiy.    Re- 
cording Mr.  ^ckirlc^*9  Detecm^ation  to  be. present  at  an 
Election;  and'oohtalnltfg  a  Mantiscript  of  the  bid  Cleigyman'a  309 

CHAPTER  XII. 
Ebscfiptive  of  a  yery  importanf  Proceeding  on  the  Part  of  Mr. 
'  Pickwick;  no  less  an  Epoch  in  his  Life,  than  in  this  History    .  832 

CHAPtER  xin: 

Some  Aooomit  of  EatanswiH ;  of  "tiie  State  of  PartSbs  therein;  and 
'"    of  the  Election  of  a  Member  to  serre  in  Parfiament  ftr  that 
andent,  loyal,  and  patriotic  Borongh     • S41 

CHAPTER  xnr. 

domprisfai^  a  bHef  Description  of  the  Company  at  the  Peaaook 
■esembled;  and  a  Tale  t«M  by  aBi^Bman       .       .       .       .  SIT 


CONTENTS  OF  VOLUME  E. 

;  OHAPTSR  XV. 
to  which  ,is  given  .a  fiuthftU  Porttakora  of  tw»  iisttigaiihed 
Persons;  and  an  aocoratia  Pe^cHptbn  of  a  Pnblic  Breakihst  in 
their  House, and  Grounds;  which  Public  Breakfiut  leads  to 
the  Recognition  of  an  old  Acquaintance,  and  the  commence- 
ment of  another  Chapter 7 

CHAPTER  XYL 
Too  ftdl  of  Adventure  to  be  briefly  deseribed 17 


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cx>NTiirnu  sis 

GHAPTIR  Xm.  PAoa 

Bhovi^tlMitMAMMk  of  Rheii]iMlitm,im  MM  CUBS,  Msti  as  a     ' 

QoiokwMr  to  lATtntiTO  Geniut        •••••.    54 

CHAPTER  Xvin. 
Briedy  iUtistmtfve  of  two  Points;— tint,  the  Pover  of  lljrsterica, 
and,  secondly,  the  Force  of  CireumstaDces      •       •       •       •    66 

CHAPTER  XIX. 
A  pleasant  Day,  with  an  unpleasant  Termination  .       .       •       .    8i 

CHAPTER  XX. 
Showing  how  Dodson  and  Fogg  vrere  Men  of  Business,  and  their 
Clerks  Men -of  Ptessurs;  and  how  an  aflteting  Interview  took 
place  between  Mr.  Welter  and  his  long-lost  Parent;  showing 
also  what  Choice  Spirits  assembled  at  the  Magpie  and  Stump, 
and  what  a  capital  Chapter  the  next  one  will  be     •       •       •  lOi 

CHAPTER  XXI. 
In  which  the  Old  Man  kimches  forth  into  his  fkvorite  Theme,  amd 
relates  a  Stoiy  about  a  queer  Client         .       •       •       .       ^125 

CHAPTER  XXa 
Ifr.  Pickwick  journeys  to  Ipswich,  and  meets  with  a  ronaatid 
AdTeatnre  with  a  Middle-Aged  Lady  in  Yellow  Cori-Papers    160 

CHAPTER  XXm*  ' 

hk  which  Mr.  Samuel  Weller  begins  to  devote  his  Energies  to  tin 
Return  Match  between  himself  and  Mr  Trotter      .       .       .171 

CHAPTER  XXIV. 
Whersin  Mr.  PMer  Magnus  grows  jealous,  and  Che  Middle-Aged 
Lady  apprehensire,  which  brings  the  Pickwiokians  wfthin 
^  grasp  of  the  Law 186 

CHAPTER  XXV. 
Showing,  among  a  variety  of  pleasant  Matters,  how  majestic  and 
impartial  Mr.  Nupkins  was;  and  how  Mr.  Weller  returned 
Mr.  Job  Tfotter's  ShuttlecodE,  as  heavily  as  it  came.    Wifli 
another  Matter,  which  will  be  found  in  its  Place     .  .207 

CHAPTER  XXVI. 

Which  contains  a  brief  Account  of  the  Progress  of  the  Action  of 
Bardell  against  Pickwiok 284 

CHAPTER  XXVn.  • 

fttarael  Weller  makes  a- Pilgrimage  to  Dorking,  «nd  behokbihU 
Mother-m-Uw 94i 

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GHAFTEB  XXVllL  pam 

▲  g9oi4KUnnd  CM^tmm-  Ghaptar,  coatdaiag  n  lieo4«it  if  ft 
Weddings  and  4ome  other  Spoits  bwidat  ^rkleh  AltfaMU^  Itt 
tiieir  way,  eren  ai  good  Oastoow  ai  Marriage  itself,  are  not 
quite  eo  let^ions^  kepi  up,  in  theee  degenerate  Timea  •       »  2M 


CONTENTS  OF  VOLUME  IIL 

CHAFTER  XXnt. 
toeStoiyoftlieGobliniwhoitoleaSexten  .       .       .       .       :     T 

CHAPTER  XXX. 
Howte  fMnriddittift  mode  and  cnhivated  the  Aoqtudntance  of 
*      a  Gepple  of  nice  Toung  Men  belonging  to  one  of  the  Liberal 
Profeeaions;   how  they  di^orted  thenMlTet  on  the  Ice;  and 
hl»w  their  fint  Visit  cane  to  a  GMwloiiea        .       .       .       .   Ji 

CHAPTER  XXXI. 
Which  is  an  about  the  Law,  and  enndiy  Qnat  Authorities  learned 
Iharaw M 

CHAPTER  XXXn. 
Deacribes,  far  more  Ailly  Ihao  tbs  Oouit  IVewsnian  erer  did,  a 
Sachelor'B  Pai^,  given  by  Mr.  Bob  Smfyermt  hii  Lo^gtega 
in  the  Borough »    61 

CHAPTER  XXXni. 
Mr.  Weller  the  elder  deUvcrs  some  Critical  Sentiments  respecting 
Literary  Composition;   and,  assisted  by  his  son  Samu^  ftifn 
a  smaU  Instalment  of  Retaliation  to  the  Aoecnnt  of  tha  Rev- 
erend Gentleman  with  the  Red  Nose        .       •       .       .       •    U 

CHAPTER  XXXIT. 
Is  wholly  devoted  to  a  ftiU  and  fiuthfU  Report  of  the  memorable 
Trial  of  Bardell  against  Pickwick     ......  104 

CHAPTER  XXXY. 
b  which  Mr.  Pickwick  tUite  he  had  better  go  to  Bath;  and  goes 


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COirTENTS.  xx! 

CHAPTER  XJOrVt.  paoi 

Th0  dlii«f  Featarat  of  ^ieb,  wiQ  be  ftnmd  to  be  an  antiiefitie  Ver- 
nfcm  oif  the  Legend  of  Prince  Btadnd,  and  a  most  extraordtnaiy 
OaboiltflhatbeMlMr.  WUdtle 161 

CHAPTER  XXXVn. 
Honorably  accounts  for  Hr.  WeUer*8  Absence,  by  describing  a 
Soh«e  to  whi^  be  was  fnrited,  and  went;  also  relates  how  he 
was  intrtnted  by  Mr.  Pkkwkk  with  a  PriTate  BCtoskm  of  Del- 
icacy and  Importance       178 

CHAPTER  XXXVm. 
How  Mr.  Winlde,  when  he  stepped  ont  of  the  Fiying^pan,  walked 
gen^  and  comfortably  into  the  Fire 197 

CHAPTER  XXXIX. 
Mr.  Samnel  Weller,  being  introsted  with  a  Mission  of  Lots,  pro- 
ceeds to  execute  it;  with  what  success  wiB  hereinafter  appear  917 

CHAPTER  XL. 
Ibtrodnces  Mr.  Pickwick  to  a  new,  and  not  uninterssting  Scene, 
in  the  great  Drama  of  Life 239 

CHAPTER  XLL 
What  befell  Mr.  Pickwick  when  he  got  into  the  Fleet;  what  Pri»- 
oners  he  saw  there;  and  how  he  passed  the  Night  .  .  957 

CHAPTER  Xm. 
OlnstratiTe,  like  the  preceding  one,  of  the  old  Proverb,  that  Adver- 
sity brings  a  Man  acquainted  with  strange  Bed-feUows.    Like 
wise  containing  Mr.  Pfckwick's  extraorAnary  and  startling 
Announcement  to  Mr.  Ssanue!  MTeller 876 


CONTENTS  OF  VOLUME  IV 

CHAPTER  XLHt 
Showing  how  Mr.  Samnel  Weller  got  into  Difllculties    ...      7 

CHAPTER  XLIV. 
Treats  of  divers  little  Mattem  which  occonred  in  the  Fleet,  and  of 
Hr»  Winkle's  mysterious  Behavior;  and  shows  how  the  poor 
Chanceiy  Prisoner  obtained  his  Release  at  last       •       .       •    97 


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zxii  CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER  XLV.  pam 

Descriptive  ot  an  affecting  Intenriew  between  Hr.  Samuel  Waller 
and  a  Family  Party.  Mr.  Pickwick  makee  a  Tour  of  the  di- 
minutive World  be  inhabits,  and  resolves  to  mix  with  it,  in 
Future,  as  little  as  possible 44 

CHAPTER  XLVL 
Records  a  touching  Act  of  delicate  Feeling,  not  unmixed  with 
Pleasantry,  achieved  and  performed  by  Messrs.  Dodson  and 
Fogg 70 

CHAPTER  XLVri. 
Is  chie^y  devoted  to  Biatters  of  Business,  and  the  temporal  Advan- 
tage of  Dodson  and  Fogg.    Mr.  Winkle  reappears   under 
extraordinary  Circumstances.    Mr.  Pickwick's  Benevolence 
proves  stronger  than  his  Obstinacy 85 

CHAPTER  XLVIII. 
Relates  how  Mr.  Pickwick,  with  the  Assistance  of  Samuel  Weller, 
essayed  to  soften  the  Heart  of  Mr.  Benjamin  Allen,  and  to 
mollify  the  Wrath  of  Mr.  Robert  Sawyer lOt 

CHAPTER  XLIX. 
Containing  the  Stoiy  of  the  Bagman's  Uncle         .       •       .       .121 

CHAPTER  L. 
How  Mr.  Pickwick  sped  upon  his  Mission,  and  how  he  was  rein- 
forced, in  the  Outset,  by  a  most  unexpected  Auxiliaiy     .       .  145 

CHAPTER  LL 
In  which  Mr.  Pickwick  encounters  an  old  Aoquaintanoe.    To 
which  fortunate  Circumstance  the  Reader  is  mainly  indebted 
ibr  Matter  of  thrilling  Interest  herein  set  down,  concerning 
two  great  Public  Men  of  Might  and  Power       .       .       .       .168 

CHAPTER  LU. 
Involving  a  serious  Change  in  the  Weller  Family,  and  the  un- 
timely Downfall  of  the  red-nosed  Mr.  Stlggina        .       .       .187 

CHAPTER  LIH. 
Comprising  the  final  Exit  of  Mr.  Jingle  and  Job  Trotter;  with  a 
Great  Morning  of  Business  in  Gray's  Inn  Square.    Conclud- 
ing with  a  Double  Knock  at  Mr.  Pericer's  door       .  .  904 

CHAPTER  LIV. 
Containing  some  Particulars  relative  to  the  Double  Knock,  and 
other  Biatters,  among  which  certain  Interes^g  Disdosnrea 


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CONTENTS.  xziii 

PAM 

relathre  to  Mr.  Snodgrait  mad  a  Toimg  Lady  are  by  no  bmaim 
imlevaiit  to  this  History ttt 

CHAPTEB  LV. 
Mr.  Solomon  PeD,  asiistod  by  a  Select  Committoe  of  Coachmen, 
airanges  the  AffidTB  of  the  elder  Mr.  Waller    .        .       .       .  846 

CHAPTER  LVL 
Ao  important  Conference  takes  place  between  Mr.  PSckwiek  and 
Samuel  WeOer,  at  which  his  Parent  assists.    An  old  Gentle- 
man in  a  snnir-^olored  Suit  airiyee  miezpeotedly    •  .  MS 

CHAPTEB  LVn. 
In  which  the  PSckwiok  Clnb  is  finally  dissolved,  and  everything 
concfaded  to  the  setisfliction  of  eveiybody       •  •       •  981 


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POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS 


THE  PICKWICK   CLUB. 


CHAPTBB  L 

THK  PlCKMnCKIAXS. 


Thb  first  ray  of  light  which  illumiiies  the  gloom,  and 
oonverts  into  a  dazzling  brilliancy  that  obscurity  in  which 
the  earlier  history  of  the  public  career  of  the  immortal 
Pickwick  would  appear  to  be  involTed,  is  derived  from 
the  perusal  of  the  following  entry  in  the  Transactions 
of  the  Pickwick  Club,  which  the  editor  of  these  papers 
feels  the  highest  pleasure  in  laying  before  his  readers, 
as  a  proof  of  the  careful  attention,  indefiidgable  assi- 
duity, and  nice  discrimination,  with  which  his  search 
among  the  multi&rious  documents  confided  to  him  has 
been  conducted. 

"May  12,  1827.  Joseph  Smiggers,  Esq.,  P.V.P. 
M.P.C.}*  presiding.  The  following  resolutions  unani- 
monsly  agreed  to. 

"  That  this  Association  has  heard  read,  with  feelings 
of  unmingled  satis&ction,  and  unqualified  approval,  the 
paper  communicated  by  Samuel  Pickwick,  Esq.,  6.C. 
M.P.O.,t  entitled  'Speculations  on  the  Source  of  the 

«  Perpetaal  Vic«-Px>etident--  Member  Piokwiok  Club, 
t  General  Chairman  —  Member  Piokwipk  Clab. 
TOU  I.  2 

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2(.»  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

Hampstcad  Ponds,  with  some  Observations  on  the  Theory 
of  Tittlebats ; '  and  that  this  Association  does  hereby  re* 
turn  its  wannest  thanks  to  the  sidd  Samuel  Pickwick, 
Esq^  G.C.M.P.C.,  for  the  same. 

'^  That  while  this  Association  is  deeply  sensible  of 
the  advantages  which  must  accrue  to  the  cause  of  sci- 
ence, from  the  production  to  which  thej  have  just  ad* 
verted,  no  less  than  from  the  unwearied  researches  of 
Samuel  Pickwick,  Esq^  G.C.  M.P.C.,  in  Homsey,  High* 
gate,  Brixton,  and  Camberwell ;  thej  cannot  but  enter- 
tain a  lively  sense  of  the  inestimable  benefits  which  must 
inevitably  result  from  carrying  the  speculations  of  that 
learned  man  into  a  wider  field,  from  extending  his  trav- 
els, and  consequently  enlargmg  his  sphere  of  observa- 
tion; to  the  advancement  of  knowledge,  and  the  difib- 
uon  of  learning. 

^  That  with  the  view  just  mentioned,  this  Association 
has  taken  into  its  serious  consideration  a  proposal,  ema- 
nating from  the  aforesaid  Samuel  Pickwick,  Esq.,  G.C. 
M.P.C.,  and  three  other  Pickwickians  hereinafter  named, 
for  forming  a  new  branch  of  United  Pickwickians  under 
the  title  of  The  Corresponding  Society  of  the  Pickwick 
Qub. 

^  That  the  said  proposal  has  received  the  sanction  and 
approval  of  this  Association. 

"That  the  Corresponding  Sodety  of  the  Pi«kwick 
Club  is. therefore  hereby  constituted;  and  that  Samuel 
Pickwick,  Esq.,  G.C.  M.P.C.,  Tracy  Tupman,  Esq^ 
M.P.C.,  Augustus  Snodgrass,  Esq.,  M.P.C.,  and  Na^ 
thaniel  Winkle,  Esq.,  M.P.C.,  are  hereby  nominated 
and  appointed  members  of  the  same:  and  that  they  be 
requested  to  forward,  from  time  to  time,  authenticated 
accounts  of  their  journeys  and  investigations!  of  their 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  21 

obserrations  of  dmracter  and  maimen ;  and  of  tlie  whole 
of  their  adyentures,  together  with  all  tales  and  papers, 
to  wlueh  local  scenerj  or  assodatioDS  maj  give  risey  to 
the  Pickwick  Gab,  stationed  in  London. 

^That  this  Assodation  cordially  recognises  the  priii* 
ciple  of  every  member  of  the  Corresponding  Society 
definaying  his  own  travdHng  expenses ;  and  that  it  sees 
DO  objection  whatever  to  Uie  members  of  the  said  society 
pursuing  their  inqoiries  for  any  length  of  time  they 
please,  upon  the  same  terms. 

^That  the  members  of  the  aforesaid  Oorreepondinf 
Society  be,  and  are  hereby,  in^irmed,  that  their  proposal 
to  pay  the  postage  of  their  letters,  and  the  carriage  of 
their  parcels,  has  been  deliberated  upon,  by  this  Asso* 
ciation.  That  this  Association  considers  such  proposal 
worthy  of  the  great  minds  fimn  which  it  emanated  $  and 
that  it  hereby  signifies  its  perfect  acquiescence  therein.** 

A  casual  observer,  adds  the  Secretary,  to  whose  notes 
we  are  indebted  for  the  foUowing  account,  —  a  casual 
observer  might  possibly  have  remarked  nothing  extraor* 
dinary  in  the  bald  head,  and  circular  spectacles,  which 
were  intently  turned  towards  his  (the  Secretary's)  &ce, 
during  the  reading  of  the  above  resolutions.  To  those 
who  knew  that  the  gigantic  brain  of  Pickwick  was 
working  beneath  that  forehead,  and  that  the  beaming 
eyes  of  PidLwidL  were  twinkling  behind  those  glasseis 
the  sight  was  indeed  an  interesting  one.  There  sat  the 
man  who  had  traced  to  their  source  the  mighty  Ponds 
of  Hampstead,  and  agitated  the  scientific  worid  with  his 
Theory  of  Tittlebats,  as  calm  and  unmoved  as  the  deep 
waters  of  the  one  on  a  frosty  day,  or  as  a  solitary  sped- 
inen  of  the  other,  in  the  inmost  recesses  of  an  earthen 
jar.     And  how  much  more  interesting  did  the  spectacle 


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22  POSTHUHOTTS  PAPERS  OF 

become,  when,  starting  into  fiill  life  and  animatioii,  as  a 
simultaneous  call  for  "  Pickwick  "  burst  from  his  follow* 
era,  that  iUustrious  man  slowl j  mounted  into  the  Windsor 
chair,  on  which  he  had  been  previously  seated,  and  ad- 
dressed the  club  himself  had  founded.  What  a  study 
for  an  artist  did  that  exciting  scaie  present  I  The  ek^ 
quent  Pidcwick,  with  one  hand  gracefiiUy  concealed 
behind  his  coat  tails,  and  the  other  waving  in  air,  to 
assist  his  glowing  dedaaation :  his  elevated  position  re- 
vealing those  tights  and  gaiters,  which,  had  they  clothed 
an  ordinary  man,  might  have  passed  without  observation, 
but  which,  when  Pickwick  cbthed  them  —  if  we  may 
use  the  expression-— inspired  involuntary  awe  and  re- 
Bped;  surrounded  by  the  men  who  had  volunteered  to 
share  the  perils  of  his  travels,  and  who  were  destined 
to  participate  in  the  ^ries  of  his  discoveries.  On  hit 
right  hand^  sat  Mr.  Tracy  Tupmaa ;  the  too  susceptible 
Tupman,  who  to  the  wisdom  and  experience  of  matorer 
years  superadded  the  enthuoasm  and  ardor  of  a  boy, 
in  the  most  interesting  and  pardonid>le  of  human  weak- 
nesses—  love.  Time  and  feeding  had  expanded  that 
once  romantic  form ;  the  blade  silk  waistcoat  had  become 
more  and  ukm^  devek>ped;  inch  hy  inch  had  the  gold 
watch  chain  beneath  it  disappeared  from  within  the  range 
of  Tupman's  vision;  and  gradually  had  the  cqMcious 
chin  enaroached  upon  the  borders  of  the  white  cravat, 
but  the  soul  of  Tupman  had  known  no  change  — admira- 
tion of  the  fair  sex  was  still  its  ruling  passion.  On  the 
left  of  his  great  leader  sat  the  poetic  Snodgrass,  and  near 
him  again  the  sporting  Winkle ;  the  former  poetically 
enveloped  in  a  mysterious  blue  ck>ak  with  a  canine-skin 
eoUar,  and  the  latter  commimicating  additional  lustre  to  a 
new  green  shooting  coat,  plaid  neckezdiie^  and  closely 
fitted  drabs. 

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THS  PICKWICK  CLUB  28 

Mr.  Pickwick's  oratioD  upon  this  oocatdon,  together 
with  the  debate  thereon,  is  entered  on  the  Transactions 
of  the  Club.  Both  bear  a  strong  affinitj  to  the  discus* 
Hons  of  other  celebrated  bodies;  and,  as  it  is  always 
interestiDg  to  trace  a  refiemblanoe  between  the  proceed- 
ings  of  great  men,  we  transfer  the  entiy  to  these  pages. 

^Mr.  PickwidL  observed  (says  the  Secretary)  diat 
(ame  was  dear  to  the  heart  of  every  man.  Pbetie  fiuaM 
was  dear  to  the  heart  of  his  friend  Snodgrass,  the  feme 
ef  conquest  was  equally  dear  to  his  friend  Tnpman ;  and 
the  desire  of  earning  feme,  in  the  sports  of  the  field,  the 
air,  and  the  water,  was  uf^i^most  in  the  breast  of  hu 
friend  Winkle.  He  (Mr.  Piekwiek)  would  not  deny, 
^lat  he  was  influenced  by  human  passions,  and  human 
feelings,  (cheers)  —  possibly  by  human  weaknesses -*- 
(kxid  cries  of  'No')  ;  but  this  he  would  say,  diat  if  ever 
the  fire  of  self^-importanee  broke  out  in  his  bosom,  the 
desire  to  benefit  the  human  race  in  preference,  effectu- 
ally quenched  it  The  praise  of  mankind  was  his 
Swing ;  phikarihropy  was  his  insurance  office.  (Vehe- 
ment cheering.)  He  had  fielt  some  pride — he  adknowK 
edged  it  freely ;  and  let  his  enemies,  make  the  most  of 
it —  be  had  fek  some  pride  when  he  presented  his  Tit^ 
tlebatian  Theory  to  the  world;  it  might  be  celebrated 
or  it  might  not  (A  cry  of  '  It  is,'  and  great  cheering.) 
He  would  take  the  assertion  of  that  honorable  Pickwiok« 
im  whose  voice  he  had  just  heard  —  it  was  celebrated ; 
but  if  the  &me  of  that  treatise  were  to  ext^d  to  the 
&rthest  confines  of  the  known  world,  the  pride  with 
which  he  should  refiect  on  the  authorship  of  that  pro- 
duction, would  be  as  nothing  compared  with  the  pride 
with  wludi  be  looked  around  him,  oa  this,  the  proudest 
moment  of  his  existence.     (Cheers.)     He  was  a  hanibie 


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24  POSTHUMOUS  PAP£BS  OF 

individuaL  Q  No,  no/)  Still  he  oould  not  but  feel  (hat 
they  had  selected  him  for  a  service  of  great  honor,  and 
of  some  danger.  Travelling  was  in  a  troubled  state,  and 
the  minds  of  coachmen  were  unsettled.  Let  them  look 
abroad,  and  contemplate  the  scenes  which  were  enacting 
around  them.  Stage-coaches  were  upsetting  in  all  di^ 
rections,  horses  were  bolting,  boats  were  overturning, 
and  boilers  were  bursting.  (Cheers  —  a  voice  'No.*) 
Nol  (Cheers.)  Let  that  honorable  Pickwickian  who 
cried  'No'  so  budly,  come  forward  and  deny  it,  if  he 
could.  (Cheers.)  Who  was  it  that  cried  « No '  ?  (En- 
thusiastic  dieering.)  Was  it  some  vain  and  disappointed 
man  —  he  would  not  say  haberdasher  —  (kmd  cheers) 
—  who,  jealous  oi  the  praise  which  had  been  —  per- 
haps undeservedly  —  bestowed  on  his  (Mr.  Pickwick's) 
researches,  and  smarting  under  the  censure  which  had 
been  heaped  upon  his  own  feeble  att^npts  at  rivalry, 
now  took  this  vile  and  calumnious  mode  of 

''Mr.  Blotton,  (of  Aklgate,)  rose  to  order.  Did 
the  hoQorable  Pickwickian  allude  to  him?  (Cries  of 
'  Order ' '  Chair,'  '  Yes,' '  No,'  *  Go  on,'  'Leave  off,'  &c) 

"  Mr.  Pickwick  would  not  put  up  to  be  put  down  by 
clamor.  He  had  alluded  to  the  honorable  gentleman. 
(Great  excitement) 

"  Mr.  Blotton  would  oaLj  say  then,  that  he  repelled 
the  hon.  genf  s  fiilse  and  scurrilous  accusation,  with  pro- 
found cont^npt.  (Gxeat  cheering.)  The  hon.  gent  was 
a  humbug.  (Immense  confusion,  and  loud  cries  of 
'Chaur'and  'Order.') 

"  Mr.  A.  SNODaRASS  rose  to  order.  He  threw  himself 
upon  the  chair.  (Hear.)  He  wished  to  know,  whether 
this  disgraceful  contest  between  two  members  of  that 
^ub,  should  be  allowed  to  continue?     (Hear,  hear.) 


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THE  nCKWICK  CLUB.  25 

^  Tlie  Chairhak  was  quite  sure  the  hon.  PidLwick- 
ian  would  withdraw  the  expression  he  had  just  made 
use  of. 

^  Mr.  Blotton,  with  all  possible  respect  for  the  chair, 
was  quite  sure  he  would  not 

^  The  Chairman  felt  it  his  imperatiye  doty  to  demand 
of  the  honorable  gentlemen,  whether  he  had  used  the 
expression  which  had  just  escaped  him,  in  a  common 


^  Mr.  Blotton  had  no  hesitation  in  sajing,  that  he 
had  not  —  he  had  used  the  word  in  its  Pickwickian 
BOise.  (Hear,  hear.)  He  was  bound  to  acknowledge, 
that,  personaUj,  he  entertained  the  highest  regard  and 
esteem  for  the  honmtU>le  gentleman;  he  had  merely 
considered  him  a  humbug  hi  a  Pickwiduan  point  of 
view.     (Hear,  hear.) 

'^  Mr.  Pickwick  felt  much  gratified  by  the  fair,  can- 
did, and  full  explanation  of  his  honorable  friend.  He 
b^ged  it  to  be  at  <mce  understood,  that  his  own  ob- 
aervatKms  had  been  merely  intended  to  bear  a  Pickwick- 
tan  construcdon.     (Cheers.)* 

Here  the  entry  terminates,  as  we  have  no  doubt  the 
debate  did  also,  after  arriving  at  such  a  highly  satisfac- 
tory, ani  intelligible  point  We  have  no  official  state- 
ment of  the  &cts,  whidi  the  reader  will  find  recorded 
in  the  next  chapter,  but  they  have  been  carefiilly  col- 
lated fhmi  letters  and  other  MS.  authorities,  so  unqucs- 
dooably  genuine,  as  to  justify  their  narration  in  a  con- 
aected  form. 


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26  P08THZJM0DB  PAPIQUS  OF 


OHAPTEB  n. 

THS    FIRST    day's    JOURNBT,    AND    THB    FIRST    BTClf' 
ore's  ADTBimTRSS;   with  T^BIR   OOdraEQtllCNOES. 

That  panctoal  servant  t)f  all  woric,  the  ami,  had  jmt 
Tisen,  aad  begun  to  strike  a  li^  on  the  mammg  of  the 
thirteenth  of  May,  one  tfaoosand  eight  hundred  and  twe&- 
^-seven,  when  Mr,  Samuel  Piekwick  burst  like  another 
sun  from  his  slumbers ;  threw  open  his  chamber* window, 
and  kxAed  out  upon  the  world  beneadi.  Goswell-etreet 
was  at  his  feet,  Goswell-street  was  on  his  right  hand  -— 
as  &r  as  the  eye  could  readi,  Gkiswell-street  extended 
en  his  ki^ ;  and  the  of^osite  side  of  Gosweil-etreet  was 
over  the  way.  **  Such,"  thought  Mr.  Pickwidc,  ^  are 
the  narrow  views  of  those  phifeeophers  who,  eontent  with 
examining  the  things  that  tie  be^nre  them,  look  not  to  the 
truths  which  are  hidden  beyond.  As  w^  mij^  I  be 
content  to  gaze  en  Gosw^l-etreet  fbrerver,  without  one 
effi>rt  to  penetrate  to  the  hidden  coontries  idiioh  on 
every  side  surround  it"  And  having  given  vent  to  this 
beaatiful  refledion,  Mr*  Pidkwick  proceeded  to  pat  him- 
self  into  his  clothes ;  and  his  dothes  into  his  portman- 
teau. Great  men  are  seldom  over-scrupuloas  in  the 
arrangement  of  their  attire ;  the  operation  of  shaving, 
dressing,  and  coffee-imbibing  was  soon  performed :  and, 
in  another  hour,  Mr.  Pickwick,  with  his  portmanteau  in 


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piCKwicac  CLim.  27 

hm  handy  his  tetesoop*  in  fab  great-eoftt  podcet,  and  hia 
Bote4NK>k  in  hii  mrnaUcmi,  ready  far  the  roeeptioo  of  any 
discoveries  worthy  of  being  noted  dMm,  had  arrived  at 
Ihe  coach  stand  in  St  llaitinVle^rand. 

«  Cab  r  said  Mr.  Pickwick. 

<■  Here  yoa  are  air,"  shooted  m  straai^  specttaen  of  the 
homan  aace^  in  •  aaekckith  ooat^  and  apton  of  ^e  aaaM, 
who  with  •  boass  label  and  saiaber  ronnd  his  ntd^ 
la^ad  as  if  he  were  catakgoed  in  some  cofleotion  of 
laritiea  Tlas  wai  the  waleiman»  ^  Here  ytm  are,  sir. 
Now,  then,  fuA  eab!"  And  the  first  cab  having  been 
fetched  from  the  pablic-honse,  where  he  had  been  siDok« 
hig  his  fiii9t  pipe,  Mr.  Piekwick  and  his  porlmanteau 
were  thrown  into  the  vehide. 

«« Golden  Cross,"  sud  Ut.  PidLwidc 

''Only  a  bob's  vorth,  T^Mamy,"-^ cried  the  driv^, 
Mfldly,  for  the  information  of  IttS  fnead  the  waterman, 
as  the  «ab  drove  off. 

<<How  old  is  that  hone,  lay  friend?''  inquired  Mr. 
FidLwick,  mbbing  his  nose  with  the  shilling  he  had  re- 
served Ibr  the  fare. 

•*  Forty-two,*  replied  the  driver,  eyeing  him  askant. 

^'Whail*  ejaddated  Mr.  Pickwick,  laying  his  hand 
iqxm  hb  note-book.  Tht  driver  reiterated  his  former 
stalemeat.  Mr.  Pickwiek  hx^ed  very  hard  at  the  man's 
fine,  hot  his  featares  were  immovable,  so  he  noted  down 
the  fiict  forthwith. 

^And  how  long  do  you  keep  him  oof  at  a  tSme?" 
hKpiired  Mr.  Pickwick,  seardiing  fbc  i^irther  informa* 
tkm. 

**  Two  or  three  veeks,"  replied  the  man. 

"Weeks I"  said  Mr.  Piekwick  in  astonishment  —  ai»d 
oat  came  the  note-book  again. 


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28  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

**  He  liTes  at  Pentcmwil  when  he's  at  home,**  observed 
the  driver,  oooUj,  ^bnt  we  seldom  takes  him  home,  od 
aooount  of  his  reakness*^ 

^On  aooount  of  his  weaknessi*  reiterated  the  per- 
plexed Mr.  Pickwick. 

^  He  alwa js  &ll8  down,  when  he's  took  out  o^  the  cab," 
oootanued  the  driver,  ^  but  when  he's  in  it  we  bears  him 
up  worry  tight,  and  takes  him  in  worry  short,  so  as  he 
can't  worry  well  fall  down,  and  we Ve  got  a  pair  o'  pre- 
cious large  wheels  on ;  so  Ten  he  doe$  more,  they  run 
after  him,  and  he  must  go  on  —  he  can't  help  it" 

Mr.  Pickwick  ente^  every  word  of  tlds  statement 
in  his  note-book,  with  the  view  of  communicating  it  to 
the  dub  as  a  singular  instance  of  the  tenacity  of  life 
in  horses,  under  trying  circumstances.  The  entry  was 
scarcely  completed  when  they  reached  the  Golden  Cross. 
Down  jumped  the  driver,  and  out  got  Mr.  Pickwick. 
Mr.  Tupman,  Mr.  Snodgrass,  and  Mr.  Winkle,  who  had 
been  anxiously  wuting  the  arrival  of  thdr  illustrious 
leader,  crowded  to  welcome  him. 

**  Here's  your  fare,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick,  holding  out 
the  shilling  to  the  driver. 

What  was  the  learned  man's  astonishment,  when 
that  unaccountable  person  flung  the  money  on  the  pave- 
ment, and  requested  in  figurative  terms  to  be  allowed 
the  pleasure  of  fighting  him  (Mr.  Pickwick)  for  the 
amount! 

^  You  are  mad,"  said  Mr.  Snodgrass. 

<•  Or  drunk,"  said  Mr.  Winkle. 

«  Or  both,"  said  Mr.  Tupman. 

**  Come  on,"  said  the  cab-driver,  sparring  away  like 
clock-work.    **  Come  on  —  all  four  on  you." 

*<  Here's  a  lai^ ! "   shouted    half  a  dozen    hadiney 


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THE  PICKWICK  CXUB.  29 

eoachmen.  **  Qo  to  vork,  Sam,"  —  mod  the j  crowded 
with  great  glee  round  the  partj. 

"  Whafs  the  row,  Sam?"  inquired  one  gentleman,  in 
black  calico  sleerea. 

<^  Bow  1 "  reined  the  catHnan,  ^  what  did  he  want  mj 
nnmber  for  ?  " 

^  I  didn't  want  joor  nnmbery"  aaid  the  artoniahed  Mr. 
Pickwick. 

**  What  did  700  take  it  for,  then  ?  *  inquired  the  oab- 


«« I  didn't  take  it,"  aaid  Mr.  Pidcwi<^  indignantly. 

^  Would  anybody  belieye,"  continued  the  cab-driver, 
appealing  to  the  crowd,  —»  ^  would  anybody  befieye  as  an 
informer  'ud  go  about  in  a  man's  cab,  not  only  takin' 
down  his  number,  but  ev'ry  word  he  says  into  the  bar- 
gain" (a  light  flashed  upon  Mr.  Pickwick  —  it  was  the 
note-book.) 

^  Did  he  though  ?  "  inquired  another  cabman. 

''Yes,  did  he,"  replied  the  first,  — ''and  then,  arter 
aggerawatin'  me  to  assault  him,  gets  three  witnesses  here 
to  prore  it.  But  I'll  give  it  him,  if  I've  six  months  for 
it  Come  on,"  and  the  cabman  dashed  his  hat  upon  the 
ground,  wiik  a  reddess  disregard  of  his  own  private 
property,  and  knocked  Mr.  Pickwick's  spectacles  oS, 
and  followed  up  the  attack  with  a  blow  on  lfr«  Pick- 
wick's  noae,  and  another  on  Mr.  Pickwick's  chest,  and 
a  third  in  Mr.  Snodgrass's  eye,  and  a  fourth,  by  way 
of  variety,  in  Mr.  Tupman's  waistcoat,  and  then  danced 
into  the  road,  and  then  badL  again  to  the  pavranent,  and 
finally  dashed  the  whole  temporary  supply  of  iM-eath  out 
9f  Mr.  Winkle's  body ;  and  all  in  half  a  docen  seconds. 

''Where's  an  officer?"  said  Mr.  Snodgrass. 

"Put 'em  under  the  pump,"  suggested  a  hot-pie  man. 


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30  POSTHUMOUS  PAFEBS  OF 


*<  You  shaU  SMTt  for  tius,"  gasped  Mr.  Pickviolu 

"  Informers,"  shouted  the  crowd* 

^  Come  on,"  cried  the  cabman,  who  had  been  sparring 
irithout  cessation  the  whole  time. 

The  mob  had  hitherto  been  passive  spectators  of  the 
scene ;  but  as  the  intelligence  of  the  Pickwiddans  being 
informers  was  spread  among  them,  the7  began  to  canvass 
with  considerable  vivacity  the  propriety  of  enfaroiag  the 
heated  pastry-vendor^s  proposition  ^  and  there  is  no  say- 
ing what  acts  of  personal  aggression  they  might  have 
committed,  had  not  the  afiray  been  nnesqiectedly  termi- 
nated by  the  intarposition  of  a  new«comer« 

"^  What's  the  fbn  ? "  said  a  rather  tall,  thin,  young 
man,  in  a  green  coat,  emergiiig  suddenly  from  the  coach* 
yard. 

*^  Informers! "  shouted  the  crowd  agam. 

*^  We  are  not,"  roared  Mr.  Pickwick,  in  a  lone  whicht 
to  any  dispassionate  listener,  carried  coavic^n  widi  it 

^  Ain't  you,  tiKMigh -*^ ain't  you?"  said  the  young 
nan,  appealing  to  Mr.  Pickwick,  and  making  his  way 
through  the  (ax>wd,  by  the  infallible  prooess  q£  eMbowiag 
the  countenances  of  its  component  members. 

That  learned  man  in  a  few  hurried  woois  ejq>lamed 
the  real  stato  of  the  case. 

^  Come  along,  then,"  said  he  of  the  green  coat,  logging 
Mr.  Pickwick  after  him  by  main  force^  and  talking  the 
whole  way.  ^  Here,  No.  924^  take  your  fi^e,  and  take 
yourself  off -^  re^peetable  geiit]emam,-^know  him  well 
-—none  of  your  nonsense^ — this  way,  dr-— whereas 
your  friends  ?  —  all  a  mistake,  I  see  —  never  mind 
—  accidents  will  happen  —  best  regulated  fomUies  — 
never  say  die  —  down  upon  your  lack*— pull  him  up 
»-put  that  in  his  pipe  —  like  the  flavor—*  daaticd  nv^ 


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♦ 

T^  HCKWICK  OLDB.  SI 

•ftk."  Asd  with  a  lengUMoed  tiring  <if  tiniatf  tanktn 
tentoooesy  deliv«red  w^  extraordinary  vohibililyv  tlie 
ttraoger  led  tlie  way  t»  the  travellen'  waitaigHXKMn, 
whtther  he  was  ckaely  foUewod  by  Mr.  Pkkwtok  and 
hk  diedi^es. 

*^  Here,  waiter,"  ahoated  the  tlraager,  tinging  the  beU 
with  tremeodoua  videnoe,  ^gbsset  round, — biandy  and 
Water,  hoi  and  stitmg,  and  sweet,  and  plenty,  ^^  eye  dam* 
aged,  itr?  Waiter,  raw  bee&toak  finr  the  gentknan^s 
eye, — nothing  like  raw  beeikeak  for  a  Wiiiae,  sir;  ooM 
kmi^ppost  t^ry  good,  but  lanp-fXMt  inconvenient—- 
daained  odd  standing  in  the  open  street  half  an  hoar, 
with  yoor  ^e  against  a  lamp'^ioBt  —  eh,  —  very  good 
—  hal  ha!''  And  the  stranger,  wilhaat  s*op|Hng  to 
take  breath,  swallowed  at  a  dm^^  fall  hdf  a  pint  of 
the  reeking  brandy  and  water,  and  floag  himeelf  into 
a  ebair  with  aa  mttch  easeas  if  nothing  ancaouaon  had 
oceorred. 

Whie  his  three  comptaaoDA  were  busily  engaged  in 
pixifleiing  thmr  thanks  to  their  new  aeqaaintanoe,  Mr. 
PidcwidL  had  leisure  to  examine  his  coBtome  and  i^h 
pearame. 

He  was  about  the  awddle  h^ght,  hot  the  thinness  of 
his  body,  and  the  length  of  his  legs,  gave  him  the  ap- 
pearaaee  of  being  moeh  taUerw  The  green  ooat  bad 
been  a  smart  dresa-gannent  in  the  days  of  swallow-tails, 
b!it  had  evidently  in  these  timea  adorned  a  atoch  shorter 
B2aa  than  the  etsangerv  for  the  soiled  and  Aided  sleeves 
soaroely  reached  fo  his  wiists.  It  was  buttoned  closoly 
up  to  his  chin,  at  the  imminent  hazard  of  splitting  the 
back  i  and  an  old  slock,  wUhoBt  a  vestige  of  shirt  odlar, 
ornamented  Ins  neck.  His  scanty  black  trousers  dis- 
pbyed  Iwre  and  thbr^  th^vie  shiny  patdies  which  1m<- 


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<82  POtffflUHOW  FJlPlBft  OF 

•'wpmM  long  serrice^  and  wwe  stntj^ped  very  ti^Uy  o««r 
a  poor  of  patched  and  metided  sboea,  as  if  to  oonccal  the 
.  dirty  wUte  stockingB^  whidi  were  neveitheil^is  distinetly 
▼kible.  HiB  long  black  hair  Escaped  in  aegligent  waves 
from  beneath  each  side  of  his  old  pinched^vp  hot;  and 
glhnpAes  of  his  bate  wrist  ui^  be  obeer?^  between 
the  lops  of  his  gloves,  and  the  cnfis  of  Msjeoa^sleeves. 
liis  face  was  thin  and  hi^gard  $  but  ah  indescribable  air 
of  jaontj  impudence  and  perfectself<Jjp06sessioa  pertaAid 
4he  whole  mam*  ' 

8noh  was  <ths  iadividual,  on  whom  Mr.  Pfeliwkfc 
gaa^  thtougb  his  speeMides  (whioh  he  had  fortunate- 
Ij  re^«nrered)y  and  to  whom  ha  pifooeeded,  when  his 
IHends  had  eahauBted  thieitisdves,  to  return,  in  cliDsen 
terms,  hss  walrmett  ifaaaks  for  kisreeent  assistanooi. 

^  Naver  mhai,'*  said  the  stranger,  cutting  tha  address 
ftfry  short,  ^said  ensw^^^namona^  smart  dmp  li&at 
cabman  —  handled  his  fives  well ;  but  if  I'd  baen  yoor 
friend  in  the  green  jwrnny  ispnsi  me^^paheh  Ub  head 
.*««'ood  I  would, -««-pig^s  whiftpe^<t-^pliaBan  toe^^-^no 
gammon." 

This  coherent  speech  was  interrupted  by  the  en- 
tvanoe  of  the  Rochester*  coschnan,  to  annoaace  ihat 
<^  The  Oommodore "  was  oa  the  point  of  stacHug. 

^  Commodore  I "  said  the  stranger,  starting  ops  ^  nqr 
voach,  ^-«  place  bp(Aied,-^otie  «utside^-^lniiva  y<m  a> 
pay  for  the  brandy  and  watets-^want  ehatige  ibr 
a  five, -^  bad  sitv^^^^BruflinMigeai  buttons -^  won't 
do  —  no  go  —  eh?*'  and  ha  shook  hik  head  nost 
knowmgly. 

Now  it  so  happened  that  Mr.  Pidtwkk  and  his  dme 
eompamons  had  lesajved  to  make  Rochester  their  first 
haltihg^plaee  tooi   esid  having  intamaied  to  tlwir  aeif- 


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TBS  PICKWIOK  OLVB* 


Smod  aoquaintaiitte  HmU  Hwj  freM  jottrnejiiig  to  the 
eaine  city,  they  agreed  to  eoC«py  the  teat  at  the  fcadt  if 
Ibe  oeadi,  where  Ihej  eedld  atl  git  togethet • 

^Up  with  you,"  said  the  stranger,  nwining;  Mr«  VUk/^ 
viek  oo  te  the  roef  with  m  nnch  predpitalioB,  as  ID  tm- 
pair  the  gfsi^ty  «f  that  genHeniaii's  department  iPery 
matenidly. 

^  Any  luggage,  sir  ?  "  inqntred  the  onadraian. 

**Who^^I?  Bvowa  pifier  paroel  here,  that*i  dl, 
other  luggage  gone  by  water,  —  packing-cases,  naiM 
Dp'— 1^  as  houses -^heary,  heavy,  daMaed  heaTy,f  re- 
plied the  stranger,  at  he  fbroed  into  his  poeket  at  much 
as  he  ooidd  of  the  bn>wn  paper  pareelt  whidi  presented 
meet  sospidoaa  indkatiena  ef  oonlaining  one  shirt  aad  a 
lumdkerdiieil 

^  HeacU,  heads,  take  care  of  yonr  headi^**  cried  the 
k)qnaciou.s  stranger^  as  they  came  oat  mder  the  low 
archway,  whieh  hk  ^leae  days  formed  the  entranee  to  the 
coach-yanL  ^  Terrihle  place  -^  dangerous  wedc  — 
ether  day -^  five  ddldrea -*- metier  *-- tail  lady,  eathig 
saBdwidiea<— forgot  the  arc^— *craA  —  knock -^chil« 
dren  look  round  •^-^nieihet's  head  eff — sandwich  in  her 
haiid'-*nomD«ihlopiiiit  in -^  head  of  a  family  off-— 
shocking,  eboeking*  Looking  at  Whkehidl,  air, -^  fine 
plaee-i-litde  iraidow*-^somehDd^  else's  head  dT  chere^ 
d^8nrP«-«>hediih\keepaebarp  kxik-eot  eotngh  eiihei* 
*^eh,8ir,eh?'' 

«I  was  TCitBaatiBg,'' said  IMr.PidBwUk,  «eB  the  slM^ 
mniabHify  of  hamaa  afbSrs.'' 

""Ah!  I  see-«  hi  ai  the  pakuH3«4eor  ohe  d^r^  eM  at 
the  window  the  next    Philosopher,  sir  ?  " 

^  An  obaenrer  of  human  nature,"  sir,  said  Mr.  Pick- 
wick. 


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M  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

^  Ah,  SO  am  L  Most  peo|>le  are  when.  &^Te  Bttla 
to.dO)  and  l^ss  to  get.    Poet,  sir  ?** 

"  Mj  friend  Mr.  Soodgrass  has  a  sizong  poetic  tarn/* 
said  Mr,  Pickw«ik. 

^  So  have  V  said  the  stanger.  <^£pic  poein,-^teB 
Uionsand  lines  —  revelation  of  Jul j -<— oon^oaed  it  on 
the  spot — Mars  hy  day,  Apollo  hy  night,  — bang  the 
field-piece,  twang  the  lyre.'* 

"  Tan  were  preeeni  at  that  gloriooa  scene,  sir  7*^  said 
Bir.  Snodgrass. 

"present!  think  I  was;*  fired  a  mnsket,-*- fired 
with  an  idea,  —  roshed  .  into  wiaeHshop  —  wrote  il 
down  — *  back  agaiii  *—  whis,  bang.—  another  idea  — « 
wine««hop  again  —  pen  and  ink  -—  back  again  •—  cot  and 
slash — noble  time,  sir.  Sportsman,  sir?**  idnniptly 
turning  lo  Mr.  Winkle* 

"  A  little^  sir,"  rq[>lied  that  genUemam 

"  Pine  pursuit,  sir,  —  fine  pu^rsnit-^-Dogs,  sir  ?  '^ 

''  Not  just  now,"  said  Mr.  Winkle. 

**  Ah  1  you  should  keef>  dogs  -?-fine  animals  —  saga- 
dous  a%atares  —  dog  of  my  own  onoe  ^-*  Pointer  *^  sni^ 
imsing  mstinct  —  out  jshooting  one  day  —  entering  in- 
dosure— whistled  —  dog  stopped  ^-^  whistled  agam  -— 
Ponto — no  go:  stock  still — called  him  —  Ponto,  Ponto 
—  wouldn't  more  —  dog  transfixed  —  staring  at  a  board 
— lodged  up,  saw  an  inscrifjlxon  '^^ '  Gamekeeper  has  or- 
ders to  shoot  all  dogs  found  in  this  indosure  '^ — wouldn't 
ps^  it — wondecful  dog-^vtflM^e  dog  thiEit — ^very** 

"Singular  circumstance  thal^"  said  Mfu  Pickwick. 
"Win  yoci  aDow  Die  to  make  a  note  of  it?" 

a  ▲  remarkable  instance  of  the  prophetic  force  of  Mr.  Jingle*8  ima^ 
Illation;  thfts  dialogue  occurred  In  the  }*Bar  1827:  and  the  Revolutioa 
inlSSO. 


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THE  TICK  WICK  CLUB.  85 

^Certainly,  sir,  oertainly — Imndred  more  aneodotet 
of  the  same  animaL  —  Fine  girl,  nr**  (to  Mr.  Traqy 
Tapman,  who  had  been  bestowing  simdry  anti-Pick- 
wickian Ranees  on  a  young  lady  by  the  roadside). 

**  Very!"  said  Mr.  Tupman. 

^English  girls  not  so  fine  as  Spanish — noble  area* 
UneB  —  jet  bahr — black  eyes— lovely  forms  — sweet 
creatnres — beantiftiL" 

^  Ton  have  been  in  Spain,  sir?"  said  Mr.  Tracy  Tup- 
man. 

**  Lived  there — Ages.** 

^Many  conquests,  sir?**  inqtiired  Mr.  Tupman. 

'^Conquests!  Thousands.  Don  Bolaro  Fizzgig-^ 
Grandee  —  only  daughter — Donna  Christina — splen- 
did creature  —  loved  me  to  distraction — jealous  father 
—  high-eouled  daughter  —  handsome  Englishman  — 
Donna  Christina  in  despair -^  prussic  acid -— stomach- 
pump  in  my  portmanteau  -^  operation  performed  —  old 
Bolaro  in  eostacies  -—  consent  to  our  union  — jom  hands 
and  floods  of  tears  —  romantic  story  -*-  very." 

"Is  the  lady  in  England  now,  sir?''  inquired  Mr* 
Tupman,  on  whom  the  description  of  her  charms  had 
produced  a  powerful  impression. 

"  Dead,  sir — dead,"  said  the  stranger,  applying  to  hit 
right  eye  the  brief  remmnt  of  a  veiy  old  cambric  hand- 
kerchief **  Never  recovered  the  stomach-pump  —  uiv- 
dermined  conatitiition  —  fell  a  victim.** 

*  And  her  fiither  ?  **  inquired  the  poetic  Snodgrass. 

^  Bemorse  and  misery,'*  replied  the  stranger.  "  Sud- 
den disappearance  —  talk  of  the  whole  city — search 
made  everywhere  —  without  success — public  fountain 
in  the  great  square  suddenly  ceased  playing  —  weeks 
ekipsed  —  still  a  stoppage  - —  workmen  employed  to  clean 

VOL  t-  8 

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86  POiTHtTMOUa  FAPEBS  OF 

it-^  walctr  ^niwn  ^ff— fetlieiMn-kw  dtsooyered  etioking 
Inad  iSrst  in  the  nuan  p^pe^  wHh  a  fiitt  ooRfeasion  in  his 
right  boot-*- took  hiffi  out|  and  the  foontaim  plajed  mmlj 
again,  as  iv<ell  as  ev^er." 

^  Will  jou  allow  me  to  jMfte  tbttt  litde  romanoe  down, 
sir?"  aaid  Mr.  Snodgfaas,  deeply  affected. 

^  Gertainlj,  air,  eeiftainl^^ -^  Afty  more  if  70a  like  to 
hear  'em  — strange  life  mine  —  rather  euiions  lustoiy — 
mt^^Btmondxumyy  but  siagulan" 

In  this  strain,  with  an  occasional  glass  of  ale,  bj  waj 
of  parenthesis,  when  the  coach  chaaged  horses,  did  ^e 
stranger  fmnseiedy  mniil  tiiey  reached  Rochester  bridge, 
by  which  time  the  note-books,  both  of  Mr.  Pickwick 
and  Mr.  Snodgm^s,  were  completelj  filled  with  seleo- 
^ioas  from  his  adventuxea. 

"  Magnificent  ruinl"  said  Mr.  Augpstos  Snodgmss, 
with  all  the  poetic  fervor  thiit  distiaguished  him,  when 
they  catme  in  sight  of  the  fine  old  castle* 

**  What  a  study  for  an  antiquarian,'*  were  the  yery 
words  which  fell  from  Mn  Pickwick's  mouth,  as  he 
a|if»lied  his  tele^oope  to  his  eye« 

"*  Ah  1  £ne  pUce»"  said  the  gtrai^gei^  '^ glorious  fHle— ^ 
frowning  walls  —  tottering  tUM^bes  — (dark  nooks  -^  oitua- 
bliiig  staircases  — Old  cathedral  too -^earthy  smedl  — 
piDgnins'  feet  worn  away  the  niA  ste))S— ^little  SaKon 
doors — -eonfossionals  Uke  moaey-takers'  boxes  at  thca* 
tres — queer  customers  those  monka— <  Pof>es,  and  Lord 
Treasurers,  and  all  sorts  <of  M  fellows,  with  great  red 
faces,  and  broken  noses,  turning  up  eveiy  day — buff 
jerkins  too  —  auitohlocks  —  Seureophagus  —  fine  place 
^—  old  legends  too  —  strange  stories^  cs^pital ; "  and  the 
stranger  continued  to  soliloquize  until  they  reached  the 
Bull  Inn,  in  the  High  Street^  where  the  coach  stopped. 


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TBS  ftOKWlOK  cum.  37 

^'  00  yoA  reMniiL  hfii^  sir?*  iDcpiired  Mn  Iffatfattiiel 
ViaUe. 

"Here — not  I — but  jou'd  better— good  houae-— 
nice  beda — Wri^tfs  next  hoiuey  dear  —  werj  dear  — 
bal^Arcrown  in  the  bill)  if  70a  look  ai  tlie  waiter-**- 
eharge  jou  morti  if  70a  dine  at  a  friead'a  tiiaa  tliejr 
iroQld  if  you  dined  in  tbe  coffee^noom  •^  nun  &Uowb  — 
veryt" 

Hr*  Winkle  turned  to  Mr.  Psckwiak,  and  murMureda 
few  m>rda;  a  whisper  passed  fffoin  Mr.  Piekwick  to  Mr. 
Snodg^TMB,  Irom  Mr.  Snodgraaa  to  Mr.  Tupman,  and  nods 
of  assent  were  exchanged*  Hr«  Pickwiok  addressed  d>e 
ftmnger* 

^Yoa  tfendwed  ua  a  verj  impadafft  serrice,  this 
mcmuDgr  eir,**  aaid  he ;  ^  will  you  allow  «a  to  ^Skr  a 
alighft  mark  of  our  gratitude  by  begging  the  ffraw  of  jomr 
company  at  dinner?  " 

^  Great  pleasure -*«•  not  pMeume  to  dklatoy  bnt  bnoiied 
£>wl  and  mushrooms  ^^capitid  thing  1    What  thne  ?  "* 

^  Let  me  see,**  replied  Mtl  Pkkiwiok^  Mfernng  to  hk 
vatdi.    <<  It  M  new  neariy  three.    BhaU  we  aaj  five  ?  ^ 

""Swl  me  ejccetteatfy,'*  said  the  atiMgeiv  <<five  pro- 
ciady^-*^  Ihen^ oare  of  youra^Tea ;"  and  lifting  tbe 
pineheA«p  hal  a  few  iadiea  ivom  his  >head,  and  caiieleasJy 
teplaeing  it  very  aodi  en  one  Me^  the  atnuiger,  with 
half  the  baowa  pi^Mr  parcel  atiddng  out  of  Us  pocket, 
wafted  bariakly  up  the  yard,  and  tamed  iato  the  Hi^ 
Stireet 

^Evidently  a  trareller  in  nmny  oonntries,  and  a  doae 
observer  of  men  and  thin^**  said  Mr.  Piekwick. 

'^  I  shonld  Vkt  to  see  hia  poem,''  sasd  Mr.  Snodgruas. 

«I  should  like  tn  have  seen  that  dog,"  said  Mr. 
Wudde. 


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88  POSTHUMOro  FSiPEM  OF 

Mr.  Tupman  said,  nothing;  but  he  tiiought  pf  Donna 
Christina,  the  stomach-pump,  and  the  fountain ;  and  his 
eyes  filled  with  tears. 

A  private  sitting-room  having  been  engaged,  bed* 
rooms  inspected,  and  dinner  ordered,  the  party  walked 
out  to  view  the  dty,  and  adjoining  ne^^borkood. 

We  do  not  find,  from  a  careful  perusal  of  Mr.  PidL* 
wick's  notes  on  the  four  towns,  Stroud,  Rochester,  1[7haA- 
ham,  and  Brampton,  that  his  impressions  of  their  appear- 
ance differ  in  any  material  point,  from  those  of  other 
travellers  who  have  gone  over  the  same  ground.  His 
general  description  is  eas3y  abridged. 

^  The  principal  producdons  of  these  towns,"  says  Mr. 
I^ckwick,  ^appear  to  be  soldiers,  sailors,  Jews,  chalk, 
shrimps,  offieers,  and  dockyard  men.  The  omimoditlee 
diiefiy  exposed  for  sale  in  the  pnbtie  streets,  are  marine 
stores,  hflud-bake,  apples,  flatfish,  and  oysters.  The 
streets  present  a  lively  and  animated  af^Maranoe,  occa- 
sioned chiefly  by  the  conviviality  of  the  militaryi  It  is 
truly  delightftd  to  a  philanthropic  mind,  to  see  these  gal- 
lant men  staggering  skmg  under  the  influence  of  an 
overflow,  both  of  animal,  and  ardent  spirits ;  m(n>e  es- 
pecially when  we  remember  that  the  following  thorn 
about,  and  jesting  with  them,  afibrds  a  cheap  and  innft- 
eent  amusement  for  the  boy  population.  Nothing  (adds 
Mr.  Pickwii^)  can  exceed  their  good-humor.  It  was 
but  the  day  b^re  my  arrival,  that  one  of  them  had  been 
most  grossly  insulted  in  the  house  of  a  publican.  The 
barmaid  had  positively  refused  to  draw  him  any  moro 
liquor ;  in  return  for  which,  he  had  (merely  in  playful- 
ness) drawn  his  bayonet,  and  wounded  the  girl  in  the 
shoulder.  And  yet  this  fine  follow  was  the  very  first  to 
go  down  to  tlie   house  next  morning,  and   express  his 


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THB  FieKWWK.  CLUB.  Sd 

readfaieM  to  overlook  Ike  matter^  and  i&rgei  what  had 
occurred! 

*^  llie  oonsumption  of  tobacco  in  these  towns  (contin- 
ties  Mr.  Pickwick)  mnst  be  very  great ;  and  the  smell 
which  pervades  the  streets  must  be  exceedinglj  deli- 
eioos  to  those  who  are  extremely  fond  of  smoking.  A 
superficial  traveller  might  object  to  the  dirt  which  is  their 
leading  characteristic;  but  to  those  who  view  it  as  an 
indication  of  traffic,  and  commaxaal  prosperity,  it  is  tnilf 
gratifying." 

Punctual  to  Ave  o'clock  came  the  stranger,  and  shortly 
afterwards  the  dinner.  He  had  divested  himself  of  his 
brown  paper  parcel,  bat  had  made  no  alteration  in  his 
atlire ;  and  was,  if  possyble,  more  loquacious  than  ever. 

''Whafs  thai?''  be  iiiq|iiired,  as  the  waiter  removed 
one  of  the  covers. 

"S<rfes,snr.'' 

^Sirfee  —  ahl  —  capital  Ash -^ all  come  from  London 
—  stage-coach  proprietors  get  up  poUtioal  dinners^ 
carriage  of  soles — dezens  of  baskets — canning  fellows. 
Glasaof  wine,  sir?"    « 

"^  With  pleasure,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick  —  and  the  stran- 
ger took  wine ;  first  with  bim,  and  then  with  Mr.  Snod- 
grass,  and  then  w^  Mr.  Tuptnan,  and  then  with  Mr. 
Winkle,  and  then  with  the  whole  party  together,  almost 
as  rapidly  as  he  talked. 

**  Devil  of  a  mess  on  the  staircase,  waiter,"  said  the 
stranger.  ^  Fonns  going  up  —  carpenters  coming  down 
— -  lunps,  glas8es,»harps.    What's  going  ftM^ard  ?  " 

''Ball,  sir,"  said  the  waiter. 

«  Assembly— eh?" 

<*  No,  sir,  not  Assembly,  sir.  BaU  for  the  benefit  of  a 
fliiartty,,sir.^ 


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¥>  POfTHUMDUS  PAPERS  OF 

**  MaAj  fine  ^ro^mo  bi  tUs  town,  do  70a  know,  si«  ?* 
inquired  Mr.  Tupmon,  with  great  interest 

^  Splendid  -^  ospitaL  Kent,  sir-^  Everybody  knows 
Kent — apples,  d^erries,  hops,  and  women.  Glass  of 
wmtf  air?'* 

*"  With  great  pleasure,"  replied  Mr.  Tapnan.  The 
sttvBger  filled  and  emptied 

^  I  shoukl  yery  muoh  like  to  go,"  said  Mr.  Tupmaii» 
reeumiag  the  snl^feot  of  the  baU,  *^  very  much." 

'^  Tickets  at  the  bar,  sir,"  interposed  the  waiter,  **  halA 
arguinea  each,  sir*" 

Mr.  Tupman  again  expressed  an  earnest  wish  to  be 
present  at  the  festivity  \  bat  meeting  with  no  response  in 
the  darkened  eye  of  Mr.  8nodgra86»  or  die  ahstraotod 
gaae  of  Mrw  Pickwiek,  he  arP^ed  hlmaelf  with  great 
interest  to  the  port  wine  and  dessert  whidi  had  jnst  been 
placed  on  the  table.  The  waiter  withdrew,  and  the 
party  were  leii  to  etyoy  the  coey  eonple  of  hours  sue- 
oeeding  dhmer. 

"^  Beg  your  pardon,  «iv"  said  tke  stranger^  <"  Bottle 
stands  —  pass  it  round  —  way  of  the  son  —^through  the 
button-hole — no  heeltaps,"  and  he  emptM  his  glass, 
which  .he  had  filled  about  two  minnfass  before;  and 
poured  out  anothmri  with  the  air  of  a  man  wiio  was  need 
toit^ 

The  wine  was  passed,  and  a  fresh  supply  ordered* 
The  visitor  talkedi  the  Pkkwidcians  listened.  Mr. 
Tupaaan  felt  every  moment  more  dispoeed  for  the  balk 
Mr.  Ptdcwiok's  countenanoe  glowed  with  an  expressioB 
of  universal  philanthropy;  and  Mr.  Winkle  and  Mr. 
Snodgrass  fell  &st  asleep. 

^They're  bi^ginnl^;  up-etaars,"  said  the  stranger'-* 
^  hear  the  company  —^  fiddles  tuning  —  now  the  harp-ti* 


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m  YKfiWlOtL  CLVB*  41 

ibere  Ihej  go."  The  vnrioqft  fleadda  wfaioh  fbmid  their 
way  down  Btaun^  aanouDeed  the  oommenoeiiieBt  of  the 
first  qoadrille. 

^  How  I  should  like  to  go,"  sail  Mr«  Tupnum,  again. 

^  So  slioold  1^  said  the  sivailger,  *-*  ^  eonfbnnded  hig^ 
gage— heavy  smacks  —  nothing  to  go  in-^odd,  a'u^ 
It?" 

Now  gonend  beaevoltaee  was  oneof  the  leading  feetiQiee 
of  the  PickwicUan.  theory,  and  no  one  waa  nHxre  remailt^ 
able  for  the  sealons  sMnaer  in  wfaioh  he  obserred  9o 
noble  a  pinnoiple,  than  Mr.  Tracy  T«f  man.  The  nam« 
ber  of  instance^  recorded  oa  the  IVanaaetions  at  the  So* 
eiety,  in  wfakb  that  exeelknt  man  refeired  otijects  of 
chari^  to  the  honaes  of  odier  members  ibr  lefWff  gpt^ 
mentSy  or  pecuniary  reli^  is  aihnosfc  ineredible. 

^I  shonld  be  Y«ry  happy  to  leai  you  a  ehange  c^ 
apparel  for  the  puipoei^"  wd  Mr.  Timoy  Topnan,  ^but 
yon  are  rather  slim,  and  I  tam^^^ 

^  Bather  itX — grown  np  Baeehns-*^ cut  the  kares*'-** 
dismounted  from  the  tnb^  and  adopted  k«mey,  eh?-*^not 
doable  distilled,  but  doobAe  milled -r.*  ha  I  hal^pasallM 
wine." 

Whether  Mr»  Tiipnan  irm  somewhat  indignant  a*  the 
paremptery  tone  in  whiok  he  was  desired  to  pass  the 
wine  whieh  Hhe  stranger  passed  so  quickly  away;  or 
whether  he  lek  very  properly  scaadalaed,  at  an  inflneB^ 
tial  momhw  of  the  Piekwidi  olnb  being  igneminioasiy 
eampared  to  a  dismounted  Baed^is^  is  a  feet  not  yet  com* 
pletely  ascertained.  He  passed  the  winsycon^ed  twiee^ 
and  looked  at  the  stranger  ler  se^ieral  seconds  witl^  a 
Stera  intensity;  sa  that  inditldial^  howsT^,  appeared 
perfectly  eollected,  and  quite  eaha  under  his  seut^iDg 
glance,  he  gndnalty  relaxed,  and  tCTerted  to  th^  sniyeot 
<ifthebaH 

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42  POBTHUMOUB  PAPEK8  OF 

"  I  was  about  to  observe,  sir,"  he  said,  "  that  though 
my  apparel  would  be  too  large,  a  suit  of  my  fnend  Mr. 
Winkle's  would,  perhaps,  fit  you  better." 

The  stranger  took  Mr.  Winkle's  measure  with  hb  eye ; 
and  that  feature  glistened  wiA  satisfkedon  as  he  said  — 
«  Just  the  thing  1" 

Mr.  Tupman  looked  round  him.  The  wine  which  had 
exerted  its  somniferous  influence  over  Mr.  Snodgrass,  and 
Mr.  Winkle,  had  stolen  upon  the  senses  of  Mr.  Pickwick. 
That  gentleman  had  gradually  passed  through  ^e  vari- 
ous stages  which  precede  the  lethargy  produced  by  din- 
ner, and  its  consequenees.  He  had  undergone  l^e  ordi- 
nary transitions  from  the  height  of  conviviality,  to  the 
depth  of  misery,  and  from  the  depth  of  misery,  to  the 
height  of  conviviality.  Like  a  gas  lamp  in  the  tftreet^ 
with  the  wind  in  the  pipe,  he  had  exhibited  for  a  mo- 
ment an  unnatural  brilliancy :  then  sank  so  low  as  to  be 
scarcely  discernible :  after  a  short  interval,  he  had  burst 
out  again,  to  enlighten  (or  a  moment^  then  flickered  with 
an  uncertain,  staggering  sort  of  light,  and  then  gone  out 
altogether.  His  head  was  sunk  upon  Ins  bosom;  and 
perpetual  snoring,  with  a  partial  choke,  occasionally,  were 
the  ODly  audible  indications  of  the  great  man's  presence. 

The  temptation  to  be  present  at  the  ball,  and  to  fbrm 
his  first  impressions  of  the  beauty  of  the  Kentish  ladies, 
was  strong  upon  Mr.  Tupman.  The  temptation  to  take 
the  Btrai^r  with  him,  was  equally  great  He  was  wholly 
unacquainted  with  the  place,  and  its  mhabitants ;  and  the 
stranger  seemed  to  possess  as  great  a  knowledge  of 
both  as  if  he  had  Hved  there  from  his  infancy.  Mr. 
Winkle  was  asleep,  and  Mr.  Tupman  had  had  sufficient 
experience  in  such  matters  to  know,  that  the  moment  hv 
awoke,  he  would,  in  the  ordinary  course  of  nature^  roU 


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THE  nCKWICK  '3U7B  41 

heftvilj  to  bed.    He  was  undecided.    ^  Fill  joor  gUm, 
and  pass  the  wine,"  said  the  indefatigable  visitor. 

Mr.  Tnpman  did  as  he  was  requested ;  and  the  addi 
tional  sdmulus  of  the  last  glass  settled  his  determination. 

^  Winkle's  bedroom  is  inside  mine  "  said  Mr.  Tnpmani 
^  I  eonldnH  make  him  onderstand  what  I  wanted,  if  I 
woke  him  now,  but  I  know  he  has  a  dress  salt,  in  a 
carpet4Mig;  and  sapposing  70s  wore  it  to  the  ball,  and 
took  it  off  when  we  retomed,  I  could  reidaoe  it  without 
troubling  hhn  at  aU  abbot  the  matter.* 

"'  Capital,''  said  the  stranger,  ^famous  plan-^damned 
odd  situation — ibnrteen  ooots  in  the  paddng  eases,  aiid 
obliged  to  wear  another  man's — very  good  notion,  that 
—  very." 

^  We  must  purchase  our  ti^etB,"  said  Mr.  Topman. 

^  Not  worth  while  ^Utling  a  guinea,"  said  the  stran« 
ger,  ^  toss  who  shall  pay  fbr  both  —  I  call ;  yon  spin  — 
first  time  — woman  —  woman  —  bewitching  woman,"  and 
down  came  the  sovereign,  with  the  Dhigon  (called  by 
eourtesy  a  woman)'  uppermost 

Mr.  Tnpman  rang  the  bell,  purdbased  the  tickets,  and 
drdered  chamber  caiMSesticks.  In  another  quarter  of  an 
fador  the  sMhger  was  completely  arrayed  in  afbU  suit  of 
Mr.  Nathaniel  Winkle's. 

«It^  a  new  eoat,**  said  Mr.  Tupman,  as  the  stranger 
surveyed  himself  with  great  complacency  in  a  cheval 
glass.  ^  The  first  &af  s  been  made  with  our  ehib  button," 
— and  he  called  his  oompanion's  attention  to  the  large 
gilt  button  which  displayed  a  bust  of  Mr.  Pickwick  in  the 
centre,  and  the  letters  **  P.  C."  on  either  side. 

«  P.  C."  said  the  stmnger,  —  "queer  set  out  —  oH  fel- 
tow's  likeness,  and  *P.C.'  — What  does  *P.C.'  stand 
fi)r — Peculiar  Coat,  eh?"    Mr.  Tupman,  with  rising 


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p^ 


44  POSTHUICOUS  FAPEBB  OF 

Uidigniition,  and  grett  ini|)iottaiioe^  explained  ilie 
dc  device* 

«  Rather  abort  in  the  wmst,  aVt  it?*  said  the  stVanger, 
Borewing  bunctelf  roiutdy  to  oaleh  a  glittpae  in  the  gkB» 
of  the  waidt-biAtoBS  whioh  were  half^fay  up  his  batek* 
^  Like  a  geaelal  piottman't  doat-^qiieer  eoeto  flioee  ^^ 
BadB  bj  contnict-^^BO  meaannq|g->— nijrsterioqa  diaptti^ 
iationt^  Ph>TMetioo-^aM  the  Acnrt  men  9et  long  ooata 
-»^aU  the  long  men  shotft  oiief.'*  Ranaialg  on,  in  this 
way,  Mr.  Tupman's  new  companion  a«Uvated  his  dfeaa,r 
or  rather  the  drew e^ Mr.  Winlde;  a*d,  aooompttnied  by 
Mr.  Tupman,  aeoended  the  ttatroaee  leading  to  the  baU* 
room. 

^  What  names,  sir  ?  "  said  the  man  at  the  door<  Mr« 
Tracy  Tnpmatt  inm  dteppii^^  ftrwavd  to  annouaQV  his 
own  tatlei,  whra  the  stranger  pre^rented  him. 

^  N«  names  at  aU,**  — ^  and  the»  be  whispered  Mr.  T9p« 
taan,  ^  Names  won^  do — not  known— -very  good  namea 
in  their  way,  but  not  grflat  ones — ^eapital  names  for  s^ 
small  party,  but  won't  make  an  impression  in  pablia 
assemWto — inc^  the  thit^-^  Gendemen  from  liOn- 
den — dislmguished  Ibr4ignei^*^ttiythiag;''  Tl|e  d^or 
Iras  thiown  open ;  aad  Mf  •  Traey  Tupmaiw  a^  tkm 
stranger,  entered  the  ballroom. 

It  was  a  kmg  roomv  with  «riniaon-oo¥eved  benchesf  and 
wa&'Candles  in^  f^ass  ohandaliess.  The  masJcisAs  wera 
securely  oonfined  ia  an  eWvaled  dcfa,  and  qnadtfiles  w^ra 
being  systematioaUy  got  through  by  two  or  three  asts  of 
dancersi'  IVo  caiil-tables  were  made  up  ia  the  a^joa^ 
ing  card-room,  and  two  pair  of  old  ladies^  and  a  oorra-* 
spondiag  number  of  stout  gentlemeB>  were  exacating  whist 
therein. 

The  finale  oonolttded,  the  dancers  promenaded  tba 


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THS  ffCKWIOK  CLUB.  41 

rMND,  and  Miw  TinprnKk  and  kh  oompaaidn  stetfened 
OuMiiaelTeft  in  a  oomer,  to  obtorro  the  oompaaj* 

^  Charming  women/'  eaid  Mr.  Tapman« 

^  Wait  a  minate/'  said  the  strangeiv  ^  fan  presently  -^ 
Dobs  not  eooM  yet«-« queer  place-*-  Dod^-jard  people  of 
opper  rank  don't  knofw  Dook-jard  people  of  lower  rank 
— Dodk^yard  people  of  lower  rank  don't  know  small 
genftrj  —«- small  gentry  deal  know  trftdetpeopk  — -  Com- 
missioner don't  know  anybody." 

<«  Wko'a  thai  lili^  boy  with  the  light  hair  and  pink  eyes, 
in  a  fancy  dress?"  InquiredMr.  Topman. 

^^Hoah^  pmy^^pink  eyes *^faaey  dress*— > little  boy 
-^ nonsense— *-  fias^  97^  «*-  Honorable  Wilmot  Saipa 
-^  great  iunily -^^  Saipes  <^  vezy^^ 

''Scr  llomaB  Chibfawv  I^dy  Clabber,  and  the  liistf 
Ckibbarsl"  shooied  Ibe  man  at  Ae  door  m  a  steotedaa 
To&ee.  A  great  seniiation  was  eieated  tiixoagh«Nit  tbe 
mom,  by  the  eniraaoe  of  a  tall  gentleman  in  a  bhte  eoat 
and  br^t  bottoasy  a  krge  lady  in  Una  satin,  and  two 
Tooag  ladies  en  a  ff»"MlftT'  .scale,  in  fiislnenablyHnada 
dreaies  q£  the  nme  hne« 

^Ooamnssiener-^head  of  the  3rard-^grsat  man«<-* 
lanaxkdbly  great  man,"  whiq»ered  the.  stfaa^er  in  Mtk. 
Tupaum's  ear,  as-  the  charitable  committee  oshered  Sir 
Thomas  Chibberandfamilyto  the  ^of  the  room.  Tha 
Honoiabie  Wilmot. Snipe,  and  other  distinguished  gen« 
tlemen  onywded  to  render  homage  to  the  Miss  Clubbers  f 
and  Sir  Thomas  Clubber  stood  bolt  upright,  and  looked 
rai^estieally  over  his  blade  neekeieluef  at  the  assembled 
oompaay. 

<«He.  Smitfaie,  Mrs.  Smithie,  aad  the  Misses  Smithia,r 
was  the  msMt  annonaccBMnt. 

*^  WiMft  Mir.  Smithie?''  inqainpd  Mr.  Traer  TupoMnw 


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4f  posTHUMOua  FAnaa  of 

;  ^  Something. in  the  jard^^jrepliBd  the  gtmnger.  Mk 
Smithie  bowed  deferentially  to  Sir  Thomas  Quhber ;  and 
Sir  Thomas  Clubber  acknowledged  the  ealute  with  oon- 
seious  condescension.  Ladj  Cluhber  tod^  a  tekscopio 
view  of  Mrs.  Smithie  and  familj^  thiough  bar  eje-^asa^ 
and  Mrs.  Sn^thie,  stared,  in  her  turn,  at  Mn.  Soraebodj 
else,  whose  husband  was  not  in. the  dadL-yard  at  alL 

"^  Colonel  Bulder,  Mrs.  Colonel  Balder,  and  Miaa 
Bulder,"  were  the  next  arrival^* 

^  Head  of  the  garrison,"  said  the  stnuiger,  in  reply  to 
Mr.  Tupman's  inquinng  look* 

Miss  Buld^  was  warmly  wieleomed  by  ^  Mias  Clab- 
bers; the  greeting  between  Mrs.  Colonel  Bulder,  and 
Lady  Gubber,  was  of  the  most  affectionate  description  y 
Colonel  Balder  and  Sir  Thomaa  Cltibber  exchanged 
snuff-boxes,  and  looked  very  much  like  a  pair  of  A1-* 
'  ezander  Selkirks;—  ^^  Monardia  of  all  tiey  surveyed.**. 

While  the  aristocrat  of  tha  place-*** the  Balde«s,.aQd 
Clubbers,  and  Snipes  —  were  thus  preserving  theiir  digr 
nity  at  the  upper  ead  of  the  jioom,  the. other  dasaeaof' 
society  were  imitating  their  example  iax)ther  parts  o£  iL 
The  less  aristocmtic  officers  of  the  97th  devoted  them- 
selves to  the  families  of  the  leas  important  iuoctioiuunea 
from  the. dock-yard.  The  sohcitois'  wives,  and  the.winet 
merchant's  wife,  headed  another  grade,  (the  bmwer's 
wife  visited  the  Bulders ;)  and  Mrs.  Tomlinson,  the  post« 
office  keeper,  seemed  by  mutual  consent  to  have  been 
diosen  the  leader  of  the  trade  party. 

One  of  the  most  popular  personages,  in  his  own  cir- 
cle, present,  was  a  little  fat  man,  with  a  ring  of  upright 
black  hair  round  his  head,  and  an  extendve  bald  plain 
on  the  top  of  it  —  Doctor  Slammer,  surgeon  to  tha 
Nine^-6eventh«    The  doe^r  took  snuff  with,  everybody, 


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THS  PtCOCWKm  CLtm.  47 

ghmted  with  ev«rybodf»  hM^hed,  danoUd,  iMido  jokers, 
pli^ed  irUst,  did  ei^efiytliuig,  snd  was  creiywhere.  To 
these  pmiiBtiita,  multifarious  as  thej  were,  the  little  doc- 
tar  added  a  more  important  ooe  than  atij  —  he  was  in- 
defittigable  in  paying  the  most  unremitting  and  devoted 
attention  to  a  little  old  widow,  whose  rich  drees  and  pro- 
fasion  of  omam^iit  bespoke  her  a  most  desirable  additlott 
to  a  limited  income. 

Upon  the  doctor,  and  the  widow,  the  eyes  of  both  Mr. 
Tnpman  and  bis  companion  had  been  fixed  for  some  time, 
when  the  stranger  broke  silence. 

"  Lots  of  money  —  old  girl  —  pompous  doctor — not 
a  bad  idea -^  good  ftra,''  were  the  intelligible  sentenoes 
whioh  issned  fi-em  his  lips.  Mr.  Tiipman  looked  inqaisi- 
tively  in  his  fiuse. 

*I'II  dance  with  the  widow,''  said  tiie  stranger. 

"<  Who  is  ^e?"  inquired  Mr.  Tdpman. 

'^Dbn'i  kgkim  ^-^  ntreft  saw  her  in  all  my  lifts  —  cut 
owi  the  doctor-^ here  goes.'*  And  %he  stmnger  forth- 
with erossed  the  room ;  and,  leanbig  against  a  mantel- 
piece, commenced  gamg  witii  an  air  orf*  respeccftil  and 
melaaoholy  adranraiion  on  the  fat  counrlenance  of  the 
lltde  old  lady*  Mr.  Topman  looked  on,  in  mtite  aston<* 
ishment  The  stranger  ptngressed  rafndly;  the  little 
dbotor  daneed  with  another  lady  -— *  the  widow  dropped 
her  fan ;  the  strange  picked  it  up,  and  presented  it,  — 
a  smile  —  a  bow  —  a  curtesy  —  a  few  words  of  confer* 
sation.  The  stranger  walked  boldly  up  to,  and  returned 
with,  the  master  of  the  ceremonies ;  a  little  introductory 
pantomime ;  and  the  i^tmnger  and  Mrs.  Buc^r  took  their 
pimxs  in  a  quadriHe^ 

Tlie  Mrprise  of  Mr;  Tupman  at  this  sommary  pro- 
eeeding,  great  as  it  was  was  immeasurably  ^t^eeded  by 


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iS  POSTHDM0U8  FA»B8  Kff 

the  aetoniflhmeiil  at  the  doctor.  The  stmnger  inat. 
young,  and  the  widow  was  flatlAred.  The  doetoi^a  at* 
teaUoDs  were  unheeded  by  the  widow ;  and  the  doctor^a 
indigoatioa  was  whoUjr  lost  on  his  impertorbiabile  maL 
Dr.  Slammer  was  pazaljeed.  He»  Dr.  Slammer^  oi  the 
Ninetj-sevenlh,  to  be  extinguished  in  a  moment,  hj  a 
man  whom  nobody  had  ever  se^  be&vey  and  whom 
nobodj  knew  even  nowl  Doctor  Slammer —*  Doctor  • 
Slammer  of  the  Ninety-Seventh  reiJected  I  Impossible ! 
It  could  not  be  I  Yes,  it  was;  tbete  they  were.  Whatt 
introducing  his  friend !  Could  he  believe  hi$  eyes  I  Ho 
looked  again^  aad  was  under  the  painfiil  noceseity  ef 
admittmg  the  veracity  of  his  optics ;  Mrs.  Bindger  was 
dancing  with  Mr.  Tm^y  l\q>man,  there  was  no  mistak* 
ing  the  fact  Tliere  was  the  widow  before  hinv  bouncing 
bodily,  here  and  there,  with  unwonted  vigor ;  and  Mr. 
Tracy  Tupman  hoi^pii^  about,  with  a  fao^  expressive  ef 
ihd  most  intense  solemnity,  dancing  (as  a  good  naay 
peqple  do)  as.  if  a  qmidriHe  were  ik^  a  thing  to  be 
laughed  at,  but  a  severe  trial  to  the  feelings,  which  ii 
requires  inflexible  resolution  to  encounter^ 

Silently  and  patiently  did  the  doctor  hour  all  this,  and 
all  the  handings  of  negua^  and  wat|dui|g  for  gjitsse^  and 
darting  for  biacuits,  and  coquetting,  that  issued ;  but, 
a  few  seconds  after  the  stranger  had  disappeared  to  lead 
Mrs.  Budger  to  her  carriagq,  he  darted  swifUy  from  tLe 
room  with  every  particle  of  his  hitherto-bottied-up  indig- 
naticm  effervescing  from  all  parts  of  his  countepance,  in 
a  perspiration  of  passion. 

The  stranger  was  returning,  and  Mr.  Tupman  was  be- 
side him.    He  spoke  in  a  low  tone,  and  laughed.    The  * 
little  doctor  thirsted  for  his  lile.    He  wa3  exulting,    ^e 
had  triumphed* 


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THE  nCKWIOK  (HUB*  4# 

*  Svl"  taid  the  doctor,  in  «d  awfbl  voioe,  prododrij^ 
m  card,  and  returing  into  an  angle  of  the  passage^  **  n  j 
name  is  Slammer,  DtKtor  Blammer,  sir  —  Ninety-eev* 
enth  regiment-^  Chatham  Barracks  —  mj  card,  sir,  mj 
card."  He  would  hare  added  move^  but  his  indignalMl 
choked  him. 

^'Ah!"  repMed  flie  stranger,  eoolly,  <<Slammer~ 
■rack  obliged  ^-polite  attention  — «-  not  ill  new,  BlamaMT 
*—  bol  when  I  am  — ^  knock  you  np." 

**  Yott — jmi'm  a  sknfller,  sir,"  gasped  the  furioos  de^ 
tor,  «*  a  poltroon  —  a  coward  —  a  liar— a— a— wOl 
nothing  indnee  yon  Id  give  me  yeur  card,  sir.'' 

^  Oh  I  I  see,"  said  the  stranger,  half  aside,  ^  nc^gni 
too  strong  here  —  liberal  landlord  —  very  fbolitfa  — 
very — lemonade  much  better  — •  het  rooms  —  eklerly 
gentleman  —  nrffer  for  k  in  the  morning  —  ertiel  — 
cvod;**  and  ke  moved  en  a  step  or  two« 

**  You  are  stepping  in  this  house,  shv"  said  the  indi^* 
neat  Utde  man;  ^you  Mm  intolieated  now,  sir;  you 
idudl  hear  from  me  in  tte  morning,  sir.  I  sinfl  find  yoa 
eot^  sir;  I  skafi  find  yon  enU" 

**  Bather  you  found  me  out,  than  found  me  at  lumi%*' 
replied  the  unmoved  stranger. 

Doctor  Slammer  looked  unutlecaUe  ferodtj,  as  he 
fixed  Ids  kat  ea  hie  head  with  an  indignimt  knock;  and 
the  stranger  and  Mr.  Tupman  ascended  to  the  bedroon 
of  tibe  latter  to  restore  thia  bomwid  plunsage  to  Ihe  un- 
conscious 'Winkle. 

Tka,t  gmtleman  was  fi^t  asleep ;  the  restoralion  was 
<iUon  made.  The  stranger  was  extremely  jocose ;  and 
Mr  Tmoy  Totpman,  being  quite  bewilder^  witli  wine, 
oegua.  lights,  and  ladies,  thought  the  whole  affair  an 
aaquiKUe  jokei.    His  new  fnend  departed;  and^  after  ex- 


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50  POSTHUMOUS  PAPEK8  OF 

perienoing  some  slight  difficuhj  in  finding  the  oriUce  io 
his  nightcap,  originaUj  intended  for  the  reception  of  hb 
head,  and  finally  overturning  his  candlestick  in  his  stmg- 
glea  to  pot  it  on,  Mr.  Tracy  Tupman  managed  to  get 
into  bed,  by  a  series  of  complicated  evolntions,  and 
shortly  afterwards  sank  into  repose. 

-  Seven  o'clock  had  hardly  ceased  striking  on  the  fol« 
k>wing  morning,  when  Mr.  Pickwick's  comprdiensivie 
mind  was  aroased  from  the  state  of  tmoonsdousness,  in 
which  shimber  had  plunged  it,  by  a  load  knocking  at  his 
4thamber  door. 

<<  Who's  there?"  said  Mix  PiekwicdL,  starting  up  in 
bed. 
^  Boots,  ar.'' 
"What  do  you  want?*' 

-  **  Please  sir,  can  yon  tell  me,  which  gentleman  of  your 
party  wears  a  bright  bhw  dress-coat,  with  a  gilt  button 
with  P.  Con  it?" 

"  It's  been  given  out  to  brash,"  thought  Mr.  Pickwick; 
and  the  aaan  has  forgotten  whoai  it  belongs  to  —  ^  Mr. 
Winkle,"  he  called  out,  ^  next  loom  but  iwo,  on  the  right 
hand» 

^  Thank'ee,  sir,"  said  the  Boots,  and  away  he  went 

"<  Wbatfs  the  matter?"  cried  Mr.  Tupman,  as  a  k>ud 
knocking  at  hi$  door  roused  Mm  imm  kk  ebliviotts  re- 
pose. 

""  Can  I  speak  to  Mr.  Winkle,  sir?"  reph'ed  the  Boots, 
from  the  outside. 

""  Winkle -—Winkle,"  shouted  Mr.  Tupman,  calling 
into  the  inner  room. 

*^  Hallo ! "  replied  a  fiunt  voioe  from  within  the  bed- 
dothes. 

*'  You're  wanted  —  some  one  at  the  door**-^"  and  hay- 


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THE  PIGKWtCE  CLUB.  51 

Ing  exerted  himself  to  articulate  thus  much,  Mr.  Tracy 
Tupmao  turned  round  and  fell  fast  arieep  again. 

"  Wanted ! "  smd  Mr.  Winkle,  hastily  jumping  out 
of  bed,  and  putting  on  a  few  articles  of  clothing; 
^wanted!  at  this  distance  &om  town  —  who  on  earth 
can  want  me!" 

*^  Gentleman  in  the  coffee-room,  sir,''  replied  the  Boots, 
as  Mr.  Winkle  opened  the  door,  and  confronted  him; 
^  gentleman  says  hell  not  detain  you  a  moment,  sir,  but 
he  can  t^e  no  denial." 

"Very  odd!"  said  Mr.  Winkle;  "TD  be  down  di^ 
recUy." 

He  hurriedly  wrapped  himself  in  a  trayelling-show^ 
and  dressing-gown,  and  proceeded  down-stairs.  An  oM 
woman  and  a  couple  of  waters  were  cleaning  the  coffee- 
room,  and  an  officer  in  undress  uniform  was  looking  out 
of  the  window.  He  tamed  round  as  Mr.  Winkle  en- 
tered, and  made  a  stiff  inclination  of  the  head.  Having 
ordered  the  attendants  to  retire,  and  closed  the  door  very 
carefully,  he  said,  "Mr.  Winkle,.!  presume." 

**  My  name  i*  Winkle,  sir." 

**  You  wifl  not  be  surprised,  sir,  when  I  inform  yon, 
that  I  have  called  hare  tliis  morning  on  behalf  of  my 
friend,  Dr.  Slammer,  of  the  Ninety-seventh." 

«  Doctor  Slammer  I "  said  Mr.  Winkle. 

^Doctor  Slammer.  He  begged  me  to  express  his 
opinion  that  your  conduct  of  last  evening  was  of  a 
description  which  no  gentleman  could  endure ;  and  (he 
added)  which  no  one  gentleman  would  pursue  towards 
another." 

Mr.  Winkle's  astonishment  was  too  real,  and  too  evi- 
dent, to  escape  the  observation   of  Doctor  Slammer's 

friend;  he  therefore  proceeded.  —  "My  friend,  Docinr 
vol*.  I  i 

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62  P08THUM0U6  FAPEES  OF 

Slammer,  reqaested  me  to  add,  that  lie  is  firmly  pefw 
suaded  joa  were  intcxxkated  during  a  portioa  of  the 
evenmg,  and  possiblj  unoonscioos  of  the  extent  of  the 
insult  you  were  guilty  of.  He  commissioned  me  to  say, 
that  should  tiiis  be  pleaded  as  an  excuse  for  your  beha* 
viour,  he  will  consent  to  accept  a  written  apology,  to  ho 
penned  by  you,  fVom  mj  dietation." 
•  "  A  written  apology  1 "  repeated  Mr*  Winkle,  in  the 
most  emphalie  tone  of  ama^enent  possible. 

^Of  course  you  know  the  alteiBatiye,"  replied  tbtf 
tisitor,  coolly. 

''Were  you  intrusted  mth  this  message  to  me^  1^ 
Mme?"  inquired  Mr.  Winkle,  whose  intellects  were 
hopelessly  c(»ifused  by  this  extnuMndinary  conversalian. 

*^I  was  not  present  myself,**  replied  the  visitor,  ''  andi 
in  coosequenoe  of  your  firm  refusal  to  g^ve  your  eard  to 
Doctor  Slammer,  I  was  desired  by  that  gentleman  to 
identify  the  weaker  of  a  very  uncommon  ooai —  a  bright 
blue  dress-coat,  with  a  gilt  button,  displaying  a  bust,  and 
the  letters  *  P.  C" 

Mr.  Winkle  actually  staggered  with  astonishment,  as 
1m  heard  hit  own  costume  thus  minutely  described. 
Doctor  Slammer's  ftiend  proceeded  :  —« 

**  From  the  inquiries  I  made  at  the  bar,  just  now,  I  wm 
oonvinoed  that  the  owner  of  the  coat  in  question  arrived 
here,  with  three  gentlemen,  yesterday  afternoon.  I  im- 
mediately sent  up  to  the  gentleman  who  was  described 
as  appearing  the  bead  of  the  par^ ;  and  he^  at  onoe,  re* 
fbrred  me  to  you." 

If  the  principal  tower  of  Rochester  Castle  had  sud- 
denly walked  from  its  foundation,  and  stationed  itself 
Of^aosite  the  ooffee-room  window,  Mr.  Winkle's  surprise 
would  have  been  as  nothing,  compared  with  the  pvqfouiMi 


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THS  nCKWIOK  OUJB.  M 

a9lonialuiie«t  with  which  he  had  heazd  tkis  mAdjnm, 
His  first  impressioii  wm^  that  hi»  totd  had  been  stolettn 
'^Will  y^tt  allow  me  to  detain  jou  one  moment?* 
said  he. 

**  Certainljy"  replied  the  onweloenie  visitor. 

Mr.  Winkle  ran  hastilj  up-etairs,  and  with  a  tremb* 
ling  hand  opened  the  hag.  There  was  the  coat  in  its 
usual  placoi  hut  exhibiting,  on  a  dose  inspectiony  evi* 
dent  tokens  ef  having  been  worn  on  the  preceding  night* 

<<  It  ainst  he  so^**  nid  Mr.  Winkle,  letting  the  coat  fkll 
from  his  hands.  ^  I  took  too  much  wine  after  dinneiv 
and  have  a  terf  vagae  reeollectioD  of  walking  aboot  the 
streets^  and  smdking  a  cigar,  alWrwards.  The  ^t  ii,  I 
was  very  drunk;  —  I  must  have  changed  my  coat-** 
pme  somewheire'— and  in«ilted  atmehodj^^I  have  no 
doubt  of  it;  and  this  message  is  the  terrible  conse« 
qoenae."  Saying  which,  Mr.  Winkle  retmeed  his  steps 
in  the  directicm  of  the  coffee-room,  with  the  gloomy  and 
dreadful  resolve  of  accepting  the  challenge  of  the  war- 
like Doctor  Slammer,  and  abiding  by  the  worst  cense- 
qaettces  that  mi^  ewu^* 

To  this  detenuinatioti  Mr.  Winkle  was  niged  by  a 
variety  of  oonsideratioxis;  the  first  of  which  was,  his  rep* 
QtatioQ  with  the  club.  He  had  always  been  looked  up 
to  as  a  high  authority  on  all  matlers  of  amusement  and 
dexterity,  whether  offensive,  defensive,  or  inoffensive; 
and  if^  on  tiiis  very  first  oooaeion  of  being  put  to  the  test, 
he  shrunk  back  from  the  trial,  faeaeath  his  leader's  eye, 
tuA  name  and  standing  were  lost  fotiever.  Besides,  he 
remembered  to  have  heard  it  frequently  surmised  by  the 
uninitiated  in  such  matters,  that  by  an  understood  ar- 
rangement between  the  seootids,  the  pistols  were  seldom 
baded  .with  ball ;  and,  furthermore,  he  reflected  that  if 


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d4  POSTHUMOUS  PAraBS  OF 

he  applied  to  Mr.  Snodgrass  to  act  as  hi^  secondhand  de- 
picted the  danger  in  gk^ring  terms,  that  gentleman  might 
jfKiBsibly  communicate  the  intelligenoe  to  Mr.  Pickwick, 
who  would  certainly  lose  no  time  in  transmitting  it  to  tlie 
local  authorities,  and  thus  preTcnt  the  killing  or  maiming 
of  his  follower. 

Such  were  his  thoughts  when  he  returned  to  the  oof* 
fee-room,  and  intimated  his  intention  of  accepting  the 
doctor's  challenge. 

<'  Will  you  refer  me  to  a  friend,  to  arrange  the  time 
and  place  of  meeting  ?  "  said  the  ofiioer. 

^ Quite  unnecessary,''  replied  Mr.  Winkle;  ^name 
them  to  me,  and  J  can  procure  the  attendance  of  a  friend, 
aflerwards." 

"Shall  we  say— nmset  this  erening?"  inquired  the 
officer,  in  a  careless  tone* 

"Very  good,"  replied  Mr.  Winkle;  thinking  in  his 
heart  it  was  very  bad. 

«You  know  Fort  Pitt?'' 

^Tes;  I  saw  it  yesterday." 

"  If  you  will  ti^e  the  trouble  to  torn  into  the  field 
which  borders-  the  trench,  take  the  fbotpath  to  the  led, 
when  you  arrive  at  an  angle  of  the  fbrtiflcalSon;  and 
keep  straight  on  till  you  see  me ;  I  will  precede  you  to  a 
secluded  place,  where  the  affiur  can  be  conducted  vrflii* 
out  fear  of  interruption.'' 

"  FtOT  of  interruption ! "  thought  Mr.  Winkle. 

"  Nothing  more  to  arrange,  I  think,"  said  the  ofReer. 

'^I  am  not  aware  of  anything  more,"  replied  Mr. 
Winkle. 

**  Grood-moming." 

"Good-morning:"  and  the  officer  whistled  a  lively 
air,  Mtf  he  strode  away. 


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T^  PICKWIOC  OLUB.  55 

Thai  mofnm^s  broaldkst  passed  heavily  o£  Mr. 
Tapman  was  not  in  a  eonditbn  to  nse,  after  the  un- 
wonted dissipation  of  the  pvevious  night;  Mr.  Snod- 
grass  appeared  to  hJbor  under  a  poetiod  depression  of 
spirits;  and  even  Mr*  Pickwick  evinced  an  nnusnal 
attachment  to  silence  and  soda-water.  Mr.  Winkle 
eagerly  watched  his  opportani^.  It  was  not  kmg  want- 
ing. Mr.  SnodgrasB  proposed  a  visit  to  the  castle,  and 
as  Mr.  Winkle  was  the  only  other  member  of  the  party 
diipoBod  to  walk,  they  went  out  together. 

"  Snodgmss,"  said  Mr.  Winkle,  when  they  had  tamed 
out  of  the  public  street ;  ^*  Snodgrass^  my  dear  fellow, 
can  I  rely  iipoD  yew  secrecy?*'  As  he  said  this,  he 
most  devoutly  and  earnestly  hoped  he  could  not. 

«You  can,''  replied  Mr.  Snodgrass.  ^Hear  me 
awear — " 

^No,  do;**  interrupted  Winkle,  terrified  at  the  iden 
cf  his  companion's  unconsciously  pledging  himself  not 
to  give  information;  "^ don't  swear^  don't  swear;  its 
quite  unnecessary." 

Mru  Snodgrass  dropped  the  hand  which  he  had,  in 
the  spirit  of  poesy^  raised  towards  the  cbods,  as  he  made 
the  above  appeal,  and  assumed  an  attitude  of  attention. 

*^  I  want  your  assistance,  my  dear  fellow,  in  an  affair 
of  hoBor,"  said  Mr.  Winkle. 

^  Tou  shall  have  it,"  replied  Mr.  Snodgrass,  clasping 
his  frienl's  hand* 

"With  a  doctor — Doctor  Slammer,  of  the  Ninety- 
seventh^"  said  Mr.  Waikle,  wishing  to  make  the  matter 
%ppear  as  aolemn  as  possible  ;  *^  an  affair  with  an  oflicer, 
seconded  by  another  officer,  at  sunset  this  evening,  in  a 
lonely  field  beyond  Fort  Pitt" 

"1  wiU  attend  yoo,"  said  jtfr.  Snodgrass. 


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56  POBTEUMaUS  PAPEI8  OF 

He  was  utonififaed,  bat  by  no  meiuid  dtsnagred*  It  is 
eztraordinarj  how  cool  any  party  but  the  pnno^ml  can 
be  in  such  cases.  Mr.  Uttnkle  had  foi^otten  this.  He 
had  judged  of  his  friend's  feeHngs  by  his  own. 

'^The  consequences  may  be  dreadfiil,''  said  Mr. 
Winkle. 

"•  I  hope  not,''  said  Mr.  Snodgvaes. 

^  The  doctor,  I  belieTe.  is  a  Yetj  good  shot,''  laid  Mr. 
Winkle. 

"Most  of  these  military  men  are,"  obseHred  Mr. 
Snodgtuss,  calmly^  ^but  so  are  you,  aVt  yon?" 

Mr.  Winkle  replied  in  the  affirmatiye;  and  percehv- 
uig  that  he  had  not  alarmed  his  ooHipaBioa  sufficiently, 
changed  his  ground. 

"  Snodgrass,"  he  said,  in  a  voiee  tremujoss  with  emo- 
tion, *<  if  I  fall,  you  will  find  in  a  packet  which  I  shall 
place  in  your  hands  a  note  for  my**-lHr  my  fiither.*' 

Tliis  attad^  was  a  ilulure  also.  Mr.  Snodgrass  was 
affected,  but  he  undertook  the  deMrery  of  the  nole,  as 
readily  as  if  he  had  been  a  Twopenny  Postman. 

<<If  I  fall,"  8«d  Ma  ITmkle,  ''or  if  die  doctor  fUls, 
you,  my  dear  fiiendy  will  be  triad  aa  an  aoQeasory  before 
the  fact  ShaH  I  inTolre  my  friend  in  tranapertalaoB  *•«- 
possibly  for  Jifel" 

Mr.  Snodgrass  winced  a  little  at  this,  bat  his'  heroism 
was  invindble.  ^  In  the  canse  of  friendship,*'  he  fer- 
yently  exclaimed,  ''I  would  brave  all  dangers." 

How  Mr.  Winkle  oursed  bis  ceaa|MAiim's  devoted 
friendship  internally,  as  they  walked  Neatly  akmg, 
side  by  side,  for  some  minutes,  each  immersed  in  his 
own  meditations  I  The  morning  was  weaong  away ;  he 
grew  desperate. 

^  Snodgrass,'*  he  said,  slopping  suddenly ;  ''do  nol  Iai 


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THB  PICKWIO^  OUJBb  ^7 

me  be  kitdked  in  tUa  milter^^do  nai  give  infomuitioD 
to  ihe  lotai  antherities  — •  do  mat  obtaiu  the  MBisUuioe  of 
several  peaceK>fficer8,  to  take  either  me  or  Doctor  SUuhr 
ner,  of  the  Ninsty-eeyetith  legjiMieftt,  at  preaent  iquar- 
tared  in  Chatham  Banrftcks*  into  coetody,  aad  thus  pv^ 
▼ent  this  duel; -^I  say,  do  ruM/' 

Mr.  Sttodgmas  seised  Ins  £riead's  hand  wamdjr,  as  he 
enthusiastically  replied,  ^^pt  Imt  w^lds  1 " 

▲  Huili  pasiM  over  Mr.  ^Wfnkle's  fcamei  as  the  con- 
viction, that  he  had  nothing  to  hope  firom  his  friend's 
feares  and  that  he  was  destined  to  beootte  an  anismled 
target,  mshed  fetdbiy  npon  him* 

The  state  of  the  ease  having  been  formally  eJcpUned 
to  Mr.  Snodgrass,  and  a  case  of  satisiMtion  pifit^  with 
the  satis&etary  aocompanittienis  of  powder,  baU,  and 
caps,  having  been  hired  from  a  mano&otarer  in  Roches- 
ter, Use  two  firieads  reamed  to  their  inn  $  Mt.  WinUe^ 
to  ruminate  on  the  approaching  strt(ggle;  and  Mr. 
Snodgrass,  to  arrange  ^6  weapons  of  war,  and  put 
them  into  psoper  ord^  for  immediate  use^ 

H  wae  a  dull  aad  heavy  evening,  when  they  again 
aalHed  hrik  aa  tiidr  awkward  errand.  M«.  Winkle 
was  muffled  upinakoge  cbak  to  eaoape  observation^ 
and  Mr.  SnodgraBS  bore  under  his  the  instruments  of 
destruction. 

*  Hsvre  jam  got  everything  ?**  said  Mr^  Winkle,  in  an 
agitated  tans* 

'^  Everything,''  relied  Mr.  Baodgmss;  ^  plett^  (tf  am^ 
muni^un,  in  case  the  shots  don't  take  effect  There's  a 
fuarter  of  a  pound  of  powder  in  Ihe  case,  and  I  have  got 
two  newspapers  in  my  pockety  for  the  loadingB.'' 

Th^se  were  instances  of  frieudaiiip,  £6r  which  any  man 
raaf^  Vcaaonably  foel  most  jvatefoU    The  presun^tioti 


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68  POSTHUMOUS  PAl'ERS  OF 

is,  that  the  gratitude  <^  Mr.  Winkk  was  too  poweifol 
(or  utterance,  as  he  mad  nothing,  but  oontniiied  to  walk 
on  —  rather  slowly. 

^  We  are  in  exoeUent  time,"  said  Mr.  Snodgrass,  as 
they  climbed  the  fence  of  the  first  field;  ^the  sun  is 
just  going  down."  Mr.  Winkle  looked  up  at  the  de« 
dining  orb,  and  pamftiUy- thought  of  the  probabilitj  of 
his  ''going  down"  himself,  before  kmg. 

''There's  the  officer,"  txclaimed  Mr.  Winkle,  after  a 
few  minutes*  walking. 

"  Where  ?  "  said  Mr.  Snodgrass. 

'^ There;  —  the  gentleman  in  the  bkie  doak."  Mr. 
Snodgrass  looked  in  the  direction  indicated  by  the  fore- 
finger €ff  his  friend,  and  observed  a  figure,  muffled  up, 
as  he  had  described.  The  officer  evinced  his  conscious- 
ness of  their  presence  by  slightly  beckoning  with  his 
hand ;  and  the  two  friends  followed  him,  at  a  little  dis- 
tance, as  he  walked  away. 

The  evening  grew  more  dull  every  moment,  and  a 
melancholy  wind  sounded  through,  the  deserted  fields, 
like  a  distant  giant  whistHng  for  his  house-dog.  The 
sadness  of  the  scene  imparted  a  sombre  tinge  to  the 
feelings  of  Mr.  Winkle.  He  started,  as  they  passed 
the  angle  of  tlie  trench  — it  looked  like  a  colossal 
grave. 

The  officer  turned  sn<Uenly  from  the  paith ;  and  afler 
dimbing  a  paling,  and  scaling'  a  hedge,  enteired  a  se« 
eluded  fidd.  Two  gendemen  wiere  -waTting  in  it;  one 
was  a  little  fat  man,  with  blade  hair ;  and  the  other  — - 
a  portly  personage  in  a  braided  surtout  -^  was  sitting 
with  perfect  equanimity  on  a  camp*6tooL 

^The  other  party,  and  a  surgeon,  I  suppose,"  said 
Mr.  Snodgrass;  'f  take  a  drop  of  brandy."    Mc  Winkk 


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THE  nCKWICC  CLUB.  59 

seised  the  wiefcer  bottle,  wMeh  kb  fHend  proilBi^  and 
took  a  lengthened  pM  ml  the  eshilarating'  Mqnid. 

""  My  friend,  sir,  Mr.  Sno^^rass,"  said  Mr.  Winkle,  «• 
die  officer  e^Moached^  Doctor  Slammer's  friend  Iwiredi 
and  produced  a  ease  similar  to  thatirtudh  Mr.  Snodgrasi 
canried* 

"^  We  hare  nodnng  fkwtfaer  to  say,  sir,  I  tiiink,''  ha 
coldly  remnrked,  as  he  epened  the  case;  ^an  apofegyhaa 
been  resolutely  declmed.'' 

*  Notfaii^  sir,"  sMd  Mr.  Sno^rass,  who  began  to  leel 
mtiier  anoomfbrtable  Imaactf. 

^WOl  yea  step  forward?"  said  the  oflSoer. 

^  Certainly,''  relied  Mr.  Snodgrass.  The  gromid  wae 
measored,  and  ptefiaitaaries  arranged. 

<<  Yon  wiU  find  these  better  than  yoor  own,"  said  the 
opposite  second,  produoing  his  pistols.  ^Yon  saw  me 
load  them«    Do  yoa  direct  to  oee  them?" 

*"  Certainly  not,"  replied  Mr.  Snodgrass.  The  olfer 
relieved  him  fimn  eonuderahle  embarrassment ;  for  his 
previous  notions  of  loading  &  pistol  were  rather  Tagoe 
and  andefined. 

**  We  tti^  place  mat  men,  then,  I  think,"  observed  the 
officer,  with  as  uracil  indiffisrenoe  as  if  the  principals 
were  choss  iaxm,  and  the  seconds  players. 

« I  think  we  may,"  replied  Mr.  Snodgrasi ;  who  wovM 
have  assented  to  any  prqioeition,  because  he  knew  aoth- 
ing  about  the  matter^  Hie  officer  crossed  to  Dr.  Slam* 
mer,  and  Mr^Bnodgrass  went  up  to-  Mr.  Winkle.     ' 

"^  ItTs  all  ready^"  he  SMd,  ofenng  ^e  pistol.  *^  Qive 
me  yonr  doak." 

^  Yon  have  got  ike  packet,  my- dear  felkrw,"  said  poor 
Winkle. 

''An  light,"  said  Mr.  Snodgrass.  <'Bb  steady,  and 
JTing  him." 

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W  POfiTHUIiOUS  PAPEIfl  OF 

It  oociarved  lo  Mr.  Winkle  that  this  •/Mte  wa<  v^eiy 
like  that  whieh  bjrstindars  kavwoMj  ^mfo  to  ihe  smallesC 
koj  in  a  streetlight;  naaidj^  ^€0  in,  and  wini"  — 
an  admirable  thing  to  reconuftiendt  if  jon  only  kneiw 
bow  to  do  iL  He  took  off  hie  doak,  however,  in  eilenee 
—  it  alwajs  took  a  long  time  to  undo  that  cloak*— ^  and 
aooepled  tiie  pistoL  The  eeeonds  refifed^  the  gentleman 
en  the  eamp^slool  did  the  same,  and  the  belli^efeDts  ap» 
proached  each  other. 

Mr4  Winkle  was  ahraff  s  remarkflUe  far  eactafqae  hn- 
manitj.  It  is  oonjectnred  tfaat  his  fmwtUingnesa  to  hurt 
a  fellow-crcaiure  intentSonalfy,  waa  the  oaoee  of  his  shut- 
ting ius  e3^es  when  he  arrtyed  at  the  fatal  spot;  and-  that 
the  circumstance  of  his  ejes  being  dosed,  pvevented  hie 
observing  the  veiy  estcaordinarjr  and  unac(Mnmlable  de- 
meanor of  Doctor  Slammer.  That  gentleman  started^ 
stared,  retreated,  rubbed  his  eyes,  etared  agMn ;  and, 
inaUy,  diouted,*''  Stop,  et6p  1 " 

^WhatfeaUthia?"  said  Doctor  fitemmer,  as  Ids  fiiead 
and  Mr.  Snodgrass  eame  running  up«-<-^  That'a not  tiie 
man." 

^INotthemanl"  aoid  Dr.  Skmnar^e aecond. 

''Not  the  manl"  said  Mr.  Snodgrass. 

^  Not  the  man  I "  said  the  gentleman  wiih  the  camp* 
$boL  in  his  hand. 

<<  Certainly  not,**  i^ed  the  Bttie  doctoc  '^Thafs 
not  &e  person  wk^  insulted  me  last  mghf 

^Yeryexftrsbidhiaryl''  exclaimed  theoffieer^ 

^Very,"  said  the  gpentieman  with  the  eamp-stooL 
^  The  only  question  is,  whether  the  gendemati,  bemg  on 
the  ground,  niiist  not  be  oonsiderBd,  as  a  matteif  of  fonn, 
to  be  the  individual  who  insulted  our  friend,  Dootot 
Skmmer,  yesterday  even&ng,  wiiMlite  he  is  seaDy  that 


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THB  PICKWICK  0LIJ9.  61 

jmliTidiaa]  or  noli''  iuid  having  deliVered  this  wgg6%- 
tMMiy  with  a  rery  Mge  mtA  mytlM-iMia  air,  the  man  wifli 
the  eamp-elool  took  a  large  pinch  of  snuff,  and  looked 
profoondlj  round,  with  the  air  of  an  authority  in  fiieh 
matters. 

Now  Mr.  WiaUe  had  qiened  his  eyes,  and  his  ears 
too,  when  he  heard  his  adversary  call  oat  for  a  cessalien 
q£  hestittties  (  and  perceiving  by  what  he  had  afterwards 
said,  that  th0t«  was,  beyond  aQ  qoestion,  some  mistake 
in  the  mslter,  he  at  onoe  foresaw  the  increase  of  repu- 
taition  he  shoald  inerilably  aoquire,  by  concealing  the 
teal  motive  of  has  coanng  •oat ;  he  therefore  stepped 
hMiy  forwaisd,  and  said,-^ 

"^  I  aia  not  the  pencnu    I  know  it." 

"^  Then,  that,"  said  the  maninth  the  oamp-stool,  ««is 
an  afinrnt  to  Dc  Shttamer,  and  a  saiBeient  reaeen  for 
proceeding  immediately./' 

^Pray  be  qoiet,  Ih^e,"  said  the  doctor^  second. 
M  Why  did  yoa  not  cetaamunicate  thb  fia^t  4a  me  this 
morning,  sir?" 

^To  be  sure  —  to  be  sure,"  said  the  man  with  the 
ean^tool,  indignaatly> 

^  I  entreat  you  to  be  quiet,  Payne,*  said  the  elher. 
""May  I  repeat  my  quaatioD,  sir?" 

""Beeaitte,  shr,"  lej^ted  Mr.  Winkle,  who  had  had 
time  to  deliberate  upon  his  answer,  —  ^  beeense,  sir,  you 
desetibed  an  intoocidtted  aad  ungendemanly  person  as 
wearing  a  coat,  which  I  have  the  honor,  not  only  to 
wear,  but  to  hare  intrented-^*^  the  proposed  uniform,  sir, 
a£  tbePi^wick  OhiV  in  London.  The  honor  of  that  uni- 
fimn  I  feel  bedad  to  maiatun,  and  1  thepeibre,  without 
inqttiiy,  accepted  Ihe  challenge  which  you  offbred  me." 

4«lfy  de«r  el^"  said  the  goodOifUBotfed  tittle  doolor, 


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62  PoaTHUiecniB  papbrs  of 

Bdvancing  with  extended  hand,  **  I  haaer  yoar  gfdlanti^. 
Permit  me  to  saj,  w,  tint  I  lugUy  admire  your  conduct, 
and  extrem^y  regret  having  caused  you  tiie  inconven- 
ience of  thta  meeting,  to  no  purpose." 

"  I  beg  you  wont  mention  it,  sir,"  said  Mr.  Winkle. 

^  I  shall  fed  prond  of  your  aeqaaintanoe,  sir,''  said 
tlie  little  doctor. 

<'  It  will  affoi-d  me  the  greatest  pleasure  tx>  know  yon, 
sir,'*  replied' Mr.  Winkle.  ThereiqKm  the  doctor  and 
Mr.^  Winkle  shook  hands,  and  then  Mn  Winkle  and 
Lieutenant  TappleUm  (the  doetor^a  second),  and  then 
Mr.  Winkle  and  the  man  with  the  oamp^tool,  and, 
finally,  Mr.  Winkle  and  Mr^  SnodgfMS :  the  kut-oamed 
gentleman  in  an  excess  of  admiraAkxi  at  the  noble  con- 
duct of  his  heroic  friend.  .  . 

<'  I  think  we  mxy  adjonm,"  said  liieiifdnaat  Tappleton. 

"  Certainly,"  added  the  doctor. 

*'  Unl^Sy"  interposed  the  mad  wit&  ihe  tcamp^tool ; 
^  unless  Mr.  Winkle  feds.hunself  aggrieved  by  the  chal- 
lenge ;  in  which  case,  I  submit,  he  has  a  right  to  saAiS- 
&ction." 

Mr.  Winkle,  with  great  self-denial,  expressed  himself 
qujute  satisfied  already. 

^  Or,  possibly,"  said  the  man  wtlii  the  cilmp-stool, 
**  the  gentleman's  second  may  ^1  himself  afiVonted  with 
some  observations  which  fell  from  me  at  an  early  period 
of  this  meeting:  if  so,  IshaU  be  hippy  to  give  kirn  sat- 
isfaction immediately*" 

Mr.  Snodgrass  hastily  pntffessed  himself  very  much 
obliged  with  the  handsome  ofier  61  the  gentleihan  >vho 
had  spoken  last,  which  he  was  only  induced  to  decline, 
by  his  entire  contentment  with  the  Vhole  proceedings. 
Zhe  two  aeccmds  adjusted  the.  cases,  and  the  whole  party 


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THB  PICKWICK  CLtJB.  «> 

left  the  grcmnd  in  a  mach  more  lively  manner  than  they 
had  proceeded  to  it 

**  Do  you  remain  long  here  ?  "  inquired  Doctor  Slam- 
mer of  Mr.  Winkle,  as  they  walked  on  most  amicably 
together. 

*^J  think  we  shall  leave  here  the  day  after  to-morrow/* 
was  the  reply. 

^  I  trust  I  shall  have  the  pleasure  of  seeing  you  and 
yoifr  fHend  at  my  ttxims,  and  of  spending  a  pleasaht 
m<ttdng  with  ysou,  after  this  awkward  mistake,''  «aid  the 
little  doctor ;  "  are  you  disengaged  this  evening  P  " 

"We  have  some  friends  here,"  replied  Mr.  Winkle, 
'^aiid  I  should  not  like  to  leave  them  to-ni^t.  Per- 
haps you  and  your  friend  will  join  us  at  the  BulL** 

"*  With  great  pleasure,"  said  the  litde  doctor ;  ^  will 
ten  o'clock  be  loo  late  to  look  in  ibr  half  an  hour  ?  " 

^  Oh  dear,  no^"  stiid  Mr.  Winkle.  *^  I  shall  be  most 
happy  to  intreduce  you  to  my  fHends,  Mr.  Pickwick  and 
Mr.  Tupman." 

^  It  will  give  me  grtat  pleasure,  I  am  sure,"  repfied 
Doctor  Slammer,  little  suspecthig  who  Mr.  Tupman  was. 

<<Tou  win  be  sure  to  come?  "  said  Mr.  Snodgrass. 

«  Oh  certainly." 

By  this  time  they  had  reached  the  road.  Cordial 
fkrewella  were  exchanged,  and  the  party  separated* 
Doctor  Slammer  and  his  Mends  repidred  to  die  bar- 
racks, and  !&.  Winkle,  accompanied  by  Ids  friend,  Mr« 
Snodgrass,  retunied  to  their  inn. 


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''M  POBTHiafoiis  fMwm  oi 


CHAPTER  m. 

MIAGKKBi^I'K    WTBAEUrrKMr,    AXD    AH    UtfnJUUh 
ANT  BBNOONqTBK. 


Hb«  Picxwicx  had  felt  seme  Apprnhfosioiw  in  i 
queixee  of  Cke  viuisunl  AbeoBoe  of  iik  two  friend^  wlueh 
tkenr  mfeterioos  bAarier  during  the  wbok  ttioming 
had  by  no  lieaoe  t^ded  ta  diminish.  It  waity'thoyofarc, 
with  more  tliui  oidfaiarj  pilfittBure  that  he  roue  jk>  greet 
Ibeffi  when  Aisy  4gain  entemd ;  and  with  owre  ibim 
ordinary  interest  that  he  inquired  what  had  occvcred 
to  detain  them  fiiom  hi«  aedel^.  In  reply  to  his  ques- 
tions on  this  point,  Mr.  Snodgrass  was  about  to  «fler 
an  historical  neoount  cf  tfae  fllreiimstanees  ja#t  now 
detailed,  when  he  was  suddenly  checked,  by  observing 
that  there  were  present  net  onJy  Mir.  Tupmaa  and  ftheir 
stage-coach  companion  of  the  preoediag  dwf,  but  Miotber 
stranger  ef  equally  singular  appeMmee-  U  waa  a  care- 
worn lookii^  n^an,  wh(»e  saUbw  fiioe,  and  deeply  sunken 
eyes  were  rendered  still  more  atrikii^  than  JUitttre  had 
made  tliem,  by  the  straight  black  hair  which  hung  in 
matted  disorder  half  way  down  his  face.  His  eyes  were 
almost  unnaturally  bright  and  piercing ;  liis  cheek-bones 
were  high  and  prominent;  and  his  jaws  were  so  long 
and  lank,  that  an  observer  would  have  supposed  that  hn 


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THS;  FICKWIQK  CLUB.  flS 

waft  dmwing  the  fleah  of  hia  faee  in,  for  a  moment,  bj* 
some  oonUaetion  of  Iho  moscke,  if  his  half  epened 
mouth  and  immovable  expression  >iad  not  annomioad 
that  St  was  his  osiimtj  appearance.  Round  liis  neck 
be  wore  a  green  shawl,  with  the  lafga  enda  stvaggling 
over  his  chest,  and  making  their  appearance  oocagiaB* 
ally,  beneath  the  worn  batton-holeft  of  hia  old  waistcoat 
£Us  upper  garment  was  a  long  Mack  sortovt}  attd  below 
it,,  he  wore  wide  drab  troosers,  and  lai|;0  boots,  running 
rapidly  to  seed. 

It  was  on  this  unooadi-looldi^  person,  that  Mr. 
Winkle's  eje  rested,  and  it  was  towards  him  that  Mr. 
Pickwick  extended  his  hand,  when  he  said,  <'  A  friend 
of  our  fnend*ii  here»  We  discovered  this  morning  th«t 
our  friend  was  connected  with  the  theatre  in  this  place, 
though  be  is  not  desirous  to  have  it  generally  known, 
and  this  gentleman  is  a  member  <^  the  same  profesatoD* 
Be  was  about  to  ftvor  us  with  a.  little  anecdote  connected 
with  it,  when  you  entered." 

^Lots  of  anecdote,"  said  the  green-coated  stranger 
of  tfae  day  befbreradyaacing  to  Mr.  Winkle  and  ^>eak- 
ing  in  a  low,  confidential  tone.  ^  Rum  fellow  -^ 
does  the  heaipy  business  —  no  aet<^-— sttange  man  -^  all 
aorta  of  miseoes -^  Dismal  Jesmy,  wefeall  him  on  the 
drcuit"  Mr.  Winkle  and  Mr.  Snodg^asa  politely  wel* 
corned  the  gentleman,  ekgantiy  dowgpiated  aa  <*  DismtU 
Jemmy  "  ^  and  calling  for  brandy  and  water,  in  imitation 
of  the  remaindOT  d*  the  eompany,  seated  themselyea  at 
the  table. 

""Now,  siiv"  aaid  Mr.  Pi<^M^  "^  will  yon  oliiga  at 
with  proceeding  with  what  you  were  going  to  relate?" 

The  dismal  individual  took  a  dirty  roll  of  paper  from 
his  pocket,  and  turning  to  Mr.  Snodgrass,  who  had  just 


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6e>  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

taken  out  his  iioie4x)ok,  said,  in  a  hollow  voice,  per> 
fecdy  in  keeping  with  his  outward  man,  ^  Are  70a  the 
poet?" 

<"!  — I  do  a  little  in  that  waj,**  replied  Mr.  Snod- 
grass,  rather  taken  aback  bj  the  abruptness  of  the  qnes- 
tiao. 

^  Ah  I  poetrj  makes  life  what  lights  and  music  do  the 
stage.  Strip  the  one  of  its  fake  embellishments,  and 
the  other  of  its  illusions,  and  what  is  there  real  in  ei&er 
to  live  or  care  for?" 

^  Very  true,  sir,"  replied  My.  Snodgrass. 

^To  be  before  the  footHghts,"  continaed  the  ^Usmal 
man,  ^  is  like  sittn^  at  a  grand  court^how,  and  admir- 
ing the  silken  dresses  of  the  gaudy  throng, — to  be  be- 
hind  them,  is  to  be  the  people  who  make  that  finerj, 
unoared  for  and  unknown,  and  left  to  sink  or  swim,  to 
starve  or  live,  as  fortune  wills  it." 

*'  Gertamly,"  said  Mr.  Snodgrass ;  fbr  the  sunken  eye 
of  the  dismal  man  rested  on  him,  and  he  f^t  it  neeessarf 
to  saj  something. 

^Go  on,  Jemmj,"  sud  the  Spanish  traveller,  ^like 
black-ejed  Susan  —  all  in  the  Downs  —  no  croaking-— 
speak  oat — look  firelj." 

"  Will  you  make  another  glass  before  you  begin,  sir?* 
said  Mr.  Pickwick* 

Tlie  dismal  man  took  the  hint,  and  having  mixed  a 
glass  of  brandy  and  water,  and  slowly  swallowed  half 
of  it,  opened  the  roll  of  paper  and  proceeded,  partly  to 
read  and  partly  to  relate,  the  following  incident,  which 
we  find  recorded  on  the  Transactions  of  the  club,  as 
'*The  Stroller'B  Tale." 


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THS  FICKWUX.  CLUB.  67 


THS  STROLLERS  TALB. 


<*  Thebb  ia  nothing  of  ihe  mBxveOaoB  in  wb«t  I  am 
going  to  relate^"  said  the  dismal  man ;  **  there  is  nothing 
even  unoonmion  in  it.  Want  md  sickness  aie  too  com- 
mon in  manj  stotioiis  of  life,  to  deserve  more  notice 
than  is  usnalfy  bestowed  on  the  most  otdinarj  Yici8si<* 
todes  of  human  nature.  I  have  thrown  these  few  notes 
together,  because  the  subject  of  them  was  wdl  known 
to  me  for  manj  years.  X.  traced  his  progress  down- 
wards, step  bj  step,  until  at  last  he  reached  that  excess 
of  destitution  &om  which  he  never  rose  again. 

^  The  man  of  whom  I  speak  was  a  low  pantomime 
actor,  and,  like  many  people  of  his  class,  an  habitual 
drunkard.  In  his  better  days,  before  he  had  become 
enfeebled  bj  dissipation  and  emaciated  bj  disease,  be 
had  been  in  the  receq>t  of  a  good  salary,  whidi,  if  he 
had  been  careful  and  prudent,  he  might  have  continued 
to  receive  for  some  years — not  many;  because  these 
men  either  die  earlyy  or,  by  unnaturally  taxing  their 
bodily  energies,  lose,  prematurely,  those  physical  pow- 
ers on  which  akme  U^y  can  depend  for  subsistence. 
His  besetting  sin  gained  so  fiast  upon  him,  however,  that 
it  was  found  impossible  to  employ  him  in  the  sitaations 
in  which  he  really  was  useful  to  the  theatre.  The  pub- 
lic-house had  a  fasdnatian  for  him  whi^  he  could  not 
resist.  Neglected  disease  and  In^less  poverty  were  as 
certain  to  be  his  portion  as  death  itself,  if  he  persevered 
in  the  same  course ;  yet  he  did  persevere,  and  the  result 
may  be  guessed.  He  could  obtain  no  engagement,  and 
he  wanted  bread. 

^  Everybody  who  is  at  all  acquainted  with  theatrical 

VOL.  I.  5 

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68  P0KBDM9tll»  TAPtM  OF 

matters  knows  what  a  host  of  shabby,  povertj-stricken 
meiif  hang  about  the  eftaj^d  of  a  kirget  establishment,  — 
not  i*egularl7  engaged  actors,  but  ballet  people,  proces- 
sion  meoy  tumbkn,  and  6o  forth^  who  ate  taken  on  dur- 
ing tbe  ran  of  a  pantomiiiti^  or  an  Easter  pi^ce,  and  are 
then  diAchfljrgedi  antil  te  production  of  some  heary 
8f«otacle  oecaBKHW  a  new  deittand  lor  their  services. 
Tj  this  mode  of  IMe  tfie  man  wae^  compelled  to  resort; 
and  taking  the  ehair  every  night,  at  some  low  theatrica) 
honte,  at  once  pat  him  in  possession  of  a  fbw  more  shil- 
lings weekly,  and  enabied  him  to  gratify  hb  old  propeti- 
sity.  Even  this  resource  Portly  fluled  him ;  his  irreg- 
ularities were  too  great  to  admit  of  his  earning  the 
wretdied  pittance  he  might  Uius  have  pitKsured,  and  he 
was  actually  reduced  to  a  state  bofd€«4ng  on  starvation, 
only  procuring  a  trifle  ocoasionaUy  by  borrowing  it  of 
8<Hne  old  companion,  or  by  obtaflsmg  an  appearance  at 
one  or  other  of  the  eommeoaeet  of  the  minor  dieatres ; 
find  when  he  did  eam  anything,  it  was  spent  in  the  old 
wiay. 

^  About  this  time,  and  when  he  had  been  eidsting  ibt 
upwards  of  a  year  no  one  knew  how,  I  had  a  short  en- 
gagementatoneof  theiihea<»eson  the  Sittrey  side  of  the 
water,  and  here  I  saw  this  maa^  whoffi  I  h^  lost  sight 
offer  some  time ;  fer  I  had  been  travellifig  in  the  ptffv* 
inoes,  and  h&  bad  been  skulking  in  the  lancis  and  alleys 
df  London.  I  was  di«6sed  fio  lea^e  the  house,  and  was 
crossing  die  stage  on  my  way  out,  ivhen  he  tapped  me 
<Ai  the  shoulder.  Never  shail  I  fbrget  the  repulsive 
sight  that  met  my  e3re  when  I  turtied  round.  He  was 
dressed  for  the  pantomime,  in  all  the  absurdity  of  a 
clown's  costume.  The  spectral  figures  in  the  Dance  of 
Deaths  the  mcN»t  MghtAil  shapes  that  the  ablest  painCer 


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TSK  PICKWIOK  Gttm.  ito 

€mbT  fUMtPiyei  «n  ^anviM,  ne^er  pr«Miit«d  an  appesr- 
aacehnlfaoghiEitlj^  His  1]^0At«d  k^dy  and  lAkraiiken  1^» 
< — their  defonouty  enhanoed  a  hiBidre<]^Id  hy  the  ftm- 
testieiirQW^^  the  glMBf  ejes,  trntvadtlng  iearfally  with 
tbe  thkk  white  paint  wilhwhMi1b«fhicewaa1>6flmeare4: 
the  grotesquelj  ornamented  head,  trembling  wMi  par- 
9kym^  and  the  iong  tkinnf  lumds,  rubbed  with  white 
^dbalk  -^aH  gaaneihiiii  a  liideoaa  and  imftataral  appear- 
anoe,  af  winch  ap  chscnptian  coitid  «on¥>^  an  aidequdte 
yea,  md  wltf ch,  «o  ^thia  day,  I  ahudder  to  think  of.  Hla 
¥9iee  waa  hollow  and  teemuloua,  as  he  took  me  aside, 
and  in  bisiBn  laecda  locooaftad  a  kmg  oatalegue  of  eltk- 
nesa  and  privations,  terminating,  as  usual,  -with  an  urgent 
'.requoat  fcr  the  ioaa  of  a  trifiag  aum  of  m^ney.  I  put  a 
-few  idiili&Bgs  in  hta  Jund,  aad,  as  I  Surned  «waf ,  I  heard 
tbe mar  of  laugkter  wfakh  fdllowod  hia'imt  tuadble  on 
toatfi«ii«;e. 

"  A  fewalghta  aftamiaadg,  aixy  put  a  -ttrtf  «ei«pdf 
papier  ia  my  hand,  oa  wfalch  wore  acvawled  a  f^  wonls 
in  pencil,  intimating  that  the  bmd  was  dangerously  ffl, 
^^  '^^'^09^  "^  ^^^^  ^^  paxfoimaace,  to  see  liim  at  his 
lod^ngs  in  aoBie  atiaet--**- 1 -forget  tiie  naiae  of  it  now-^ 
at  no  great  distanee  fimn  die  tlwatre.  I  premieed  4o 
eoatfijm  aoQa.aa  I  cooid  get  ^way;  and,  after  the  eur- 
tain  fell^  sallied  ferth  on  my  laelanGholy  errand. 

^  It  waa  tete^  £or  I  had  been  pla3ring  in  the  last  pieee ; 
and,  «a  it  was  a  benefit  ni^t,  tiie  performances  liad  been 
pirotraeted  to  an  unasnal  length.  It  was  a  dark  cold 
night,  with  a  efafll  damp  wind,  which  blew  the  rain 
heavily  ag^unat  the  windows  and  house^^conts.  Pools 
of  water  had  collected  in  the  narrow  and  little  freqoenaad 
atjreets,  and  aa  many  of  the  thinfy-eoattered  oil-kmps 
had  been  htown  out  by  tl^  violMiea  of  the  wind,  -tiae 


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70  POBTHUHOTO  PAPBRB  OF 

walk  wag  qQt  only  a  oooifortlesa^  but  nofit  anoertoin  one. 
I  had  fortnnatelj  taken  Ike  right  oourse,  however,  and 
succeeded,  after  a  little  difficulty,  in  finding  the  house  to 
which  I  had  been  directed  —  a  coalnshed,  with  one  story 
above  it,  in  the  back  iowoa  of  which  lay  the  object  of  my 
search. 

^  A  wretched-looking  woman,  the  man's  wife,  met  me 
on  the  stairs,  and,  telling  me  diat  he  had  just  fallen  imto 
a  kind  of  doze,  led  me  softty  in,  and  placed  a  chair  for 
me  at  the  bedside.  The  sick  man  was  lying  with  his 
face  turned  towards  the  wall ;  and  as  he  took  no  heed 
of  my  presence,  I  had  Insure  to  obsenre  the  place  in 
which  I  found  myself! 

'<  He  was  lying  on  an  old  bedstead,  wfaieh  turned  iq> 
during  the  day.  The  tattend  remains  of  a  checked  cur- 
tain were  drawn  round  the  bed's  head,  to  exclude  the 
wind,  which,  however,  made  its  way  into  the  comfortless 
nxun  throu^  the  nnmetous  ofainka  in  the  door,  and  blew 
it  to  and  fro  every  instant  Tliere  was  a  low  cinder  ftte 
in  a  rusty  unfixad  grate;  and  an  old  three-cornered 
stained  table,  with  some  medicine-bottles,  a  broken  glass, 
and  a  few  other  domestic  articles,  was  drawn  out  befoi^ 
it.  A  little  child  was  sleeping  on  a  temporary  bed 
which  had  been  made  for  it  on  the  flo(Hr,  and  the  woman 
sat  on  a  chair  by  its  nde.  There  were  a  couple  of 
shelves,  with  a  few  plates  and  cups  and  saucers :  and  a 
pair  of  stage-shoes  and  a  couple  of  finis  hung  beneath 
them.  With  the  exception  of  little  heaps  of  rags  ami 
bundles  ^i4iich  had  been  carelessly  thrown  into  the  cor- 
ners of  the  room,  these  were  the  only  things  in  the  apart- 
ment 

^  I  had  had  time  to  note  these  little  particulars,  and  to 
mark  the  heavy  lureathing  and  feverish  startings  of-  ^ 


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THB  TKtLWiCX.  CLITB.  71' 

nek'  man,  belbm  h6  was  awAre  of  mj  presence.  Li  his 
restless  attempts  to  procure  some  ea^  resting^ace  Ibf 
his  head,  he  tossed  his  hand  oat  of  the  bed,  and  il  fell 
on  mine*  He  started  up,  aad  stared  eagerly  in  mj 
fece. 

^'Mr.  Hutlej,  John,'  said  his  wife;  'Mr.  Hutlej, 
that  70U  sent  for  tonight,  you  know.' 

^*  ^  Ah  ! '  said  the  invalid,  passing  his  hand  across  his 
fofebead;  'Huilej — Hatlej — let  me  see.'  He  seemed 
aideavoring  to  collect  his  thoughts  f<Nr  a  few  seeonds,  and 
then  graspii^  me  tightly  by  the  wrist,  said, '  Don't  leave 
me  —-don't  leave  me,  M  fellow.  She'll  murdw  me ;  I 
know  she  wilL' 

*^ '  Has  he  been  long  so  ?'  said  I,  addressing  his  weep* 
ing  wife. 

^ '  Since  yesterdi^  night,'  she  replied.  '  John,  John, 
don't  you  know  me  ? ' 

^  ^  Don't  let  her  come  near  me,'  ssod  llie  man,  with  a 
shudder,  as  she  stooped  over  hinu  *  Drive  her  away ;  I 
can't  bear  her  near  Hie.'  He  stared  wildly  at  l^r,  with 
a  look  of  deadly  apprehension,  and  then  whispered  in  my 
ear,  <  I  beat  her,  Jem ;  I  beat  her  yesterday,  and  many 
times  beforoi  I  have  starved  her,  and  the  boy  too ;  and 
now  I  am  weak  and  helpless,  Jem,  she'll  murder  me  far 
it;  I  know  she  wifl.  If  you'd  seen  her  C17,  as  I  have, 
you'd  know  it  too.  Keep  her  off.'  He  relaxed  his  grasp 
and  sunk  Imk^  exhausted  on  the  pillow. 

<a  knew  but  too  w^  what  all  this  meant  VI  could 
have  entertained  any  doubt  of  it,  for  an  instant,  one 
glance  at  the  woman's  pale  face  and  wasted  fimn  would 
have  sufficimitly  explained  the  reid  state  of  the  case. 
*  Too  had  better  stand  aside,'  said  I  to  the  poor  creature. 
<  Toa  can  do  him  no  good.-    Perhaps  he  will  be  calmer, 


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7Sr  POSTKUHOOB  FXPSR8  OF 

if  he  does  not  see  ymiJ  8km  retiied  out  of  the  inaa*f • 
8^ht  He  opened  fais  effes^  after  a  few  seconds,  and 
leoke4  anxiously  mund. 
'^^  is  she  gone ?'  he  eagerij  inqnfared* 
"  *  Yes  —  yes,'  said  I ;  '  she  shall  not  hurt  you.* 
^ <  I'E teti  you  what,  Jeai,!  and  the  man, in  a  low-voice, 
^  she  does  hurt  me.  There's  something  in  her  eyes  wakes 
SBoh  a  dreacKhl  fear  in  my  heart,  that  it  drives  me  mad. 
Jbk  last  night,  her  large  staring  eye&  and  pate  faee  were 
ckee  to  mnse;  wherever  I  turned,  tliey  turned;  and 
whenever  I  started  up  from  my  edeep,  she  was  at  Ibe 
bedsidiv  looknig  at  m&'  He  drew  me  doeer  to  Him,  av 
he  said  in  a  deep,  alarmed  whisper  — '  Jen^  she  mast  be 
an  evil  spirit -^-^fi  devil!  Ru^!  I  know  she  is.  If 
she  had  been  a  woman,  she  would  have  died  long  agou 
Ne- wbmaii  eould  hove  bonie  what  she  has.' 

^  I  sickened  at  the  thought  of  the  long  oowrae  of  era* 
eky  tad  neglect  livSuch'  must  haiv«  oocovted  to  pMduce 
stch  an  impr^ssiov  en  sudi  a  Bum^  I  oould  ss^  notfyng 
inr  teplj ;  fer  wbo  eotild  offer  hope,  or  eeasc^atioo,  to  the 
abject  being  beftire  me  ? 

^I  8^  there  for  opwrnrde  of  ^o  hours,  dumg  Whioii 
titoe  he  tested  abodt,  murniuiritig  exolamaftons  of  pain  or 
impalience,  resdesdly  throwing  hi^  arms  hel«  and  tierey 
and  taming  oenstaatly  fimn  side  to  side.  At  leiig&>  he 
fell  into  IJhat  state  of  partial  onoeoseiousnesB,  kk  which 
the  mind  wanders  imeasify  fix)m  soene-t^  sdeae,  atid 
itam  pkoe  to  pkwe,  witbeat  the  eonti^  of  reason,  but 
stittvdthont  beioig  able  to  divest  itelf  of  an  indesenbaMe 
sense  of  present  suffi^nag.  Folding  ftom  his  ikicoheffent 
wanderings  that  this  was  the  dase,  and  knowing  that  in 
aU  pfobabHity  the  fe^r  wotild  not  glow  iaunediaiefy 
wetas^  I  lefi  h«D%  promising  his  miscraUe  Wife  tfant  J  * 


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me  ttmwioK  otm.  78 

would  repeat  n^  ridt  next  evening,  aod,  if  neeessaryy 
sit  op  witli  tiie  patient  duriagthe  niglKt 

^I  kept  my  promise.  The  ket  fonr-aad-twentj  homn 
had  produced  «  frightfol  alleratkm.  The  eyes,  tboo^ 
deeply  soak  and  heavy,  ehone  wUh  a  lusti«e,  irig^rtlbl  to 
behtfkL  The  lips  w%k  parched,  and  erocked  ia  naay 
piaees9  the  diy  hard  skia  gkMved  with  a  homing  heat, 
afid  there  was  an  ahnost  uneaithly  air  of  wfld  an^ty  ia 
the  man's  free,  Indkaadng  eiven  m<w«  etroogly  the  rayagss 
nf  the  disease.    The  ibver  was  at  its  height 

^  I  to<^  the  seat  I  had  occupied  the  mgkt  before,  and 
tbofo  I  sat  for  houn,  listening  to  sowMb  which  must 
strike  deep  to  the  heart  of  the  most  oidfeus  aonong  homan 
beings — the  awfel  nmngs  of  adyiag  maa.  From  what 
I  had  heard  of  the  medical  altendaaft^  opinien,  I  knew 
tbere  was  no>  hope  for  him :  I  was  sking  by  his  disath^ 
bed.  I  saw  the  wasted  Itmbs,  which  a  few  hours  before 
had  been  distorted  for  the  amaeem^Bt  of  a  boistttveos 
gallery,  writhing  under  the  tortuvee  of  a  bmming  fo^er 
—  I  heaid  the  eknm's  shnll  kMgh,  Uandiiig  with  the 
low  munourings  of  the  dying  man. 

^It  is  a  touchhig  thjng  to  bear  the  mind  reverting  to 
the  ordinary  ooeapatiens  and  puraidts  ef  heaNh,  when 
the  body  Met  before  you  weak  and  belplees ;  but  when 
those  ooeupatkms  are  of  a  chamoter  the  most  stvongly 
apposed  toanythhig  we  assooiato-witfa  grave  or  solemn 
ideas,  Ibe  impres^OD  prodoeed  is  kiAnitoly  mors  powe^ 
fbL  The  theatre^  aad  the  puUic^Muse,  were  the  chief 
themes  of  the  wretched  man's  waaderings.  It  was  ev^en- 
ing,  he  toded  $  he  had  a  paiA  to  play  that  night;  it  was 
late,  and  he  muet  leave  home  instaatly.  Why  did  thtsf 
tiold  him,  and  prevent  hid  going — he  should  lose  the 
money  —  be  most  go.    Ko  I  4kej  wouki  not  let  hiu. 


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74  POSTHUMOUfi  PAPERS  OF 

He  lud  his  face  in  his  burning  hands,  and  feebly  lie- 
moaned  his  own  weakness,  and  the  cruelty  of  his  pei^se- 
ctttors.  A  short  pause,  and  he  shouted  out  a  few  doggerel 
rhjBies —  the  last  he  had  ever  learnt  He  rose  in  bed» 
drew  up  his  withered  limbs,  and  roUed  about  in  uncouth 
positions ;  he  was  acting  —  he  was  at  the  theatre.  A 
minute's  silence,  and  he  mnrmured  the  burden  of  some 
roaring  song.  He  had  reached  the  old  bouse  at  last ; 
how  hot  the  room  was.  He  had  been  ill,  very  ill,  but  he 
was  well  now,  and  happy.  Fill  up  his  glass.  Who  whs 
that,  that  dashed  it  from  his  lips  ?  It  was  the  same  per- 
secutor that  had  followed  hka  before.  He  fell  back 
upon  his  pillow,  and  moaned  aloud.  A  short  period  of 
oblivion,  and  he  was  wandering  throng  a  tedious  mase 
of  low  arched  rooms — so  low,  sometimes,  that  he  mu$t 
creep  upon  his  hands  and  knees  to  make  his  way  akmg ; 
it  was  dose  and  doik,  and  .every  way  he  turned,  some  ob- 
stacle imt)eded  his  piogress.  There  were  insects  too,  hid- 
eous crawling  things,  with  eyes  that  stared  upon  him,  and 
filled  the  very  air  around :  glistening  horribly  amidst  the 
thick  darkness  of  the  place.  The  walls  and  ceiling  were 
alive  with  reptdes  —  the  vault  expanded  to  an  enoitnous 
sise — frightful  figures  flitted  to  and  fro — and  the  faces 
of  men  he  knew,  rendered  hideous  by  gibing  and  mouth- 
ing^ peered  out  from  among  them ;  they  were  searing 
i^m  with  heated  irons,  and  binding  his  head  with  cordis 
till  the  blood  started ;  and  he  struggled  madly  for  life. 

^  At  the  dose  of  one  of  these  paroxysms,  when  I  had 
with  great  diffiiml^  held  him  down  in  bia  bed,  he  sank 
unto  what  f^peared  to  be  a  slumber.  Overpowered  with 
watching  and  exertion,  I  had  closed  my  eyes  for  a  few 
minutes,  when  I  £slt  a  violent  clutch  on  my  Moulder.  I 
jkwoke  instantly.    He  had  raised  himself  up,  so  as  to 


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TBB  nCKWICK  CLUB.  79 

seat  liiniself  in  bed — a  dieadfiil  change  had  come  over 
his  £[ieey  but  consdonsness  had  retorned,  for  he  evideody 
koew  me.  The  diild  who  had  been  long  since  disturbed 
bj  his  ravings,  rose  from  its  little  bed,  and  ran  towards 
iis  father,  screaming  with  fright — the  mother  hastily 
caught  it  in  her  arms,  lest  he  should  injure  it  in  tha 
▼ioknoe  of  his  insanitj ;  bot^  terrified  by  the  alteratioa 
of  his  features,  stood  tranaflxed  bj  the  bedside.  ELe 
grasped  mj  shoulder  convnlaiYely,  and,  striking  his 
breast  with  the  other  hand,  made  a  desperate  attempt 
lo  articulate.  It  was  unavailing — he  extended  his  arm 
tofwards  tfamn,  and  made  another  violent  effort  Theve 
was  a  rattling  noise  in  the  throat — a  glare  of  the  eye— - 
a  short  stifled  gro«a — and  he  fell  back — dead!** 


It  would  afibrd  us  the  hi^iest  gratification  to  be  ena- 
bled  to  reoord  Mr.  Pickwick's  opinion  of  the  foregoing 
anecdote.  We  have  little  doubt  that  we  should  have 
been  enabled  to  present  it  to  our  readers,  but  lor  a  most 
unfcnrtunate  oocUrrenoe. 

Mr.  Pickwick  had  replaced  on  the  table  the  glass 
which,  during  the  last  few  sentences  of  the  tale,  he 
had  retained  in  his  hand,  and  had  just  made  up  his 
siind  to  speak -^indeed,  we  have  the  authority  of  Mr. 
Snodgrass's  note4K>ok  for  stating  that  he  had  actually 
opened  his  motfth —  when  the  waitedr  entered  the  room, 
and  said,*— 

^  Some  gentlemen,  sir.** 

It  has  been  conjectured  that  Mr.  Pickwick  was  on 
the  point  of  defivering  some  remarks  which  would  have 
euli<i^teued  tlie  world,  if  not  the  Thames,  when  he  was 


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76  PCNITHUM01T9  PA3>IFiB  OF 

thm  intemipted:  for  he  gfie«d  steml^r  on  the  waitor^t 
eonntenance,  and  then  looked  nxmd  cm  tl»  compaaf 
generally,  as  if  seeking  for  information  rdati^e  t»  Ibi 
new  comers. 

«'<Hi!''  said  Mr.  THnUe,  riiing,  ^'some  friends  <£ 
oine  —  show  tbem  in.  Yerj  pleasant  i^Uows,"  added 
Mr  WinUe,  stfler  the  waiter  had  retired —"  OileerB 
ef  the  Ninety-eeveoth,  wImmo  aeifoalnlatiee  I  madto 
lather  oddly  ^s  morning.  Ton  wiM  IHce  4hem  ywrf 
mudi.^ 

Mr.  Pickwiek's  equanimity  was  at  once  reetore^L 
The  waiter  returned,  and  nsliered  three  gentlemen  hue 
xuB  tt)oin. 

<<  Lieutenant  Tappleton^"  said  Mr.  Winkle,  ^Liein- 
tenant  Tappleton,  Mr.  Pickwick  —  Doctor  Payne,  Mr. 
Pickwick  —  Mr.  Snodgrass,  yon  have  seen  hefore :  my 
fi-iend  Mr.  Tupman,  Doctor  Payne  —  Doctor  Slammer, 
Mr.  Pickwiek—Bir.  Tofsnan,  Doctor  fUam^" 

Here  Mr.  Winkle  snddenly  paused )  fer  strong  emoh- 
tiea  was  visible  on  the  countenance  boA  of  Mr.  IVijp- 
man  and  the  Doctor. 

^  I  have  met  this  gentleman  hefore,''  eaid  the  dooter, 
with  marked  emphasis. 

<<  Indeed  I "  said  Mr.  Winkle. 

*<  And — and  that  person,  too,  if  I  am  not  Mkitakgn,** 
said  the  dooter,  besUmisg  a  scmfoiaing  ^aace  on  Ite 
green^«oaled  stranger.  ^  I  think  I  gftrt  that  penon  n 
very  pressing  invitalien  fast  ifight^  arUek  he  thought 
proper  to  decline."  Saying  which,  the  doctor  seowlad 
magnanimously  on  the  stranger,  andwtrispered  his 'friend 
lieatenant  Tappleton. 

^  You  dottH  say  so,*  said  that  gentieman,  at  the  eon- 
elasion  of  the  whisper. 


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THR  PICKWICK  CL\J%r  7T 


''I  do^  indeed,"  replied  Doofctr  I 

^  Y^a  are  bound  to  kick  him  on  the  spot,"  marmiired 
^he  owner  of  the  eamp-«tool  with  great  importanoe. 

**jDo  he  qpi&Lf  Payne,"  iot^rpoBed  the  Lieutenant 
^  Will  jou  aUow  me  to  aak  you^  siiv"  he  said,  addressing 
Mr.  Pickwick,  who  wi^  considerably  mystified  by  this 
very  unpolite  by-play  —  "  Will  you  allow  me  to  ask  yo«, 
8ir»  whether  tluit  person  belongs  to  your  par^?" 

"^  !Noi,  ur^  replied  Mr.  Pickwick,  ^  he  is  a  guest  oi 
ours." 

**  He  is  a  membwr  oC  your  ekilv  or  I  am  mistadten?" 
said  the  lieotenant,  inqwingly. 

^  Certaiody  not,"  responded  Mr«  Plckwidt. 

*^  And  ne^er  wears  yqv  dub-button  ?"  said  the  Lien 
tenant. 

^No — never!"  replied  the  astonished  Mr.  Pick- 
wick. 

Laenteaaat  Tapplelon  turned  sound  to  his  friend  Doc- 
tor Slafnme.r,  with  a  scared^  peroeplible  shrug  of  the 
shoulder,  as  if  implying  some  doubt  of  the  aoe«tfaey  of 
his  recollection.  The  little  doctor  looked  wtathfnl,  bat 
confiwinded»  and  Mr.  Payne  gazed  with  a  f^rodoiis 
aq>ect  on  the  beaming  countenaBce  of  the  uoeonscioas- 
Pickwick. 

**  Sii^"  said  the  doctor,  suddenly  addressing  Mt.  Tup- 
man,  in  a  tone  which  made  that  gentleman  start  as  per- 
ceptibly as  if  a  pin  had  been  cuDoiiigly  inserted  nto 
the  calf  of  hia  1^  —  ^  you  were  at  the  ball  h^re  last 
night?" 

Mr.  Tupman  gasped  a  fiunt  affirmative ;  looking  very 
hard  at  Mr.  Pickwick  all  the  while. 

^  That  person  was  your  companion,"  said  the  doctor, 
pointing  to  the  still  pmaoved  atraqger« 


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7*T  POSTHUMOUS  PAPEES  OF 

Mr.  Tupman  admitted  die  fkct 

**  Now,  gir,"  said  tke  doctor  to  the  Btranger,  '<  I  as\ 
you  once  again,  id  the  presence  of  these  gentlemen, 
whether  you  dioose  to  give  me  jour  card,  and  to  re- 
ceive the  treataient  of  a  gentleman ;  or  whe&er  jou 
impose  upon  me  the  necessity  of  personally  chastising 
you  on  the  spot?" 

"  Stay,  sir,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick,  **  I  really  cannot  al- 
low this  matter  to  go  any  further  without  some  explanar 
tion.     Tupman,  recount  the  circumstances." 

Mr.  Tupman,  thus  solemnly  adjured,  stated  the  case 
in  a  few  words ;  touched  slightty  on  the  borrowing  of 
the  coat;  expatiated  largely  on  its  havi^  been  done 
^after  dinner;"  wound  up  wkh  a  little  penitence  on 
his  own  account ;  and  left  the  stranger  to  clear  himsdf 
as  he  best  could. 

He  was  apparently  about  to  proceed  to  do  so,  when 
Lieutenant  Tappleton,  who  had  been  eyeing  him  with 
great  curiosity,  said  with  considerable  scorn — ^  Havn^ 
I  seen  you  at  the  theatre,  sir  ? " 

*^  Certainly  "  replied  the  unid>ashed  stranger. 

^He  is  a  strolling  actor,"  sud  the  lieutenant,  con- 
temptuously ;  turning  to  Doctor  Slammer  —  <^  He  acts 
in  the  piece  that  the  officers  of  tlie  Fifty-second  get  up 
at  the  Rochester  theatre  to-morrow  night  You  cannot 
proceed  in  this  afiair.  Slammer —  impossible ! " 

^  Quite ! "  said  the  dignified  Payne. 

<<  Sorry  to  have  placed  you  in  this  disagreeable  situa- 
tion," said  Lieutenant  Tappleton,  addressing  Mr.  Pick- 
wick, "  allow  me  to  surest,  that  the  best  way  of  avoid- 
ing a  recurrence  of  such  scenes  in  future,  will  be  to  be 
m<ne  select  in  the  choice  of  your  comi)aiiions.  Good- 
evening,  sir ! "  and  the  Lieutenant  bounced  out  <^  the  • 
room* 


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TSBJIGKWIGK  CLUB.  79 

*^Aiid  aHow  ne  to  say^  str,^  enoA  Ifce  imadlde  Doctor 
Fajne,  "<  than  if  I  had  been  Tappkton,  or  if  I  had  been 
Slammer,  I  would  have  pulksd  your  noee,  sir,  and 
the  noee  of  every  man  in  this  company.  I  would, 
sir,  —  every  man.  Payne  is  my  name,  sir  ^^  Doctor 
Payne  of  the  Forty^iiird*  Good-evening,  sir.''  Ilav* 
ing  eoDcladed  this  speech,  and  attered  the  tfai^e  la£t 
words  in  a  loud  key,  he  stalked  majestically  ^after  his 
friend,  closely  followed  by  Doctor  Slammer,  who  said 
nothing,  but  contented  himself  by  withering  the  com- 
pany with  a  look. 

Rising  rage  and  extreme  bewilderment  had  swelled 
the  nobte  breast  of  Mr.  Pidcwick,  almost  to  the  burst- 
ing oi  Yob  waistooat,  dariag  the  deMvery  of  the  above 
defiance.  He  stood  transfixed  to  the  spot,  gazing  on 
vacancy.  The  olosing  of  the  door  recaMed  hhn  to  him- 
sdf.  He  rushed  forward  with  fbry  in  his  looks,  and 
fire  in  his  eye.  His  hand  was  upon  the  lock  of  the 
door;  in  another  instant  It  wonM  hsve  been  on  the 
throat  of  Doctor  Payne  ci  the  Forty-third,  had  not  Mr. 
Snodgrass  seized  his  revered  leader  by  the  eoat^tail,  and 
dmgged  him  backwards. 

^  Restrain  him,"  cried  Mr.  Snodgrass,  ^  Winkle,  TVip- 
man  —  he  must  not  peril  his  distinguished  life  in  such  a 
cause  as  this." 

**  Let  me  go,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick. 

^  Hold  him  tight,"  shouted  Mr.  Snodgrass ;  and  hy  the 
united  efforts  of  the  whole  company,  Mr.  Pickwick  was 
forced  into  an  arm-chair. 

"  Leave  him  alone,"  said  the  green-coated  stranger  — 
•*  brandy  and  water  —  jolly  old  gentleman  — lots  of 
pluck  —  swuUow  this  —  ah  !  capital  stuff."  Having 
previously  tested  the  virtues  of  a  bumper,  which  had 


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sa  postHUMODB  nPERs  or 

been  mixed  by  the  jfamnl  many  Ike  stnmger  applied  tike 
gkss  to  Mr.  PickwidE't  moatk;  and  tbe  rcmiinder  of 
its  contents  nqfudlj  disappeared. 

There  was  a  abirt  pause ;  the  brandj  and  water  had 
done  its  work ;  the  amidble  ceunteaance  of  Mr.  Piek- 
wiek  was  fast  reeoveriag  its  customary  expresdoa. 

**  Thej  are  not  worth  yoor  nodoe,"  said  the  dianal 
man. 

"<  Yoa  are  ri|H sir,"  repMed  Mr.  PiokwidL,  '^HMejsn 
not  I  am  ashoMd  to  haeve  been  betaayed  kto  this 
warmth  of  feeling.  Draw  your  chair  op  to  the  tabk^ 
sir." 

The  dianal  man  readily  complied:  m  cMe  waa  agaia 
formed  sound  the  table,  and  hannony  oooe  more  pre- 
vailed. Some  lingering  kntabililj  Appeared  to  ind  a 
resdqg-plaee  ia  Mr.  Winkle's  bo9o^^  ooeasieaed  possibly 
by  the  temporary  abstraetieo  of  hie  c0at -^  though  k 
is  scarcely  reasonable  to  suppose^  Idiat  do  slight  a  eiroum- 
stattcocan  hare  eiscitad  even  a  ponsing  feeliag  ot  anger 
in  «  Pickwickian  bseast  With  this  esKseptiDi^  tMr 
good  humor  was  comf^tely  jrestoved ;.  a«d  the  eveoiDg 
concluded  with  the  conviviality;  with  wkieh  it  hai 
b^Cn. 


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THE  PiOKWIOK  CUO.  81 


OHAPTRB  IV. 

k   nSLD-OAT  AKD   BTYOVAO  —  MOBB  1IVW  FBIBllftt 

AMo  AK  nrriTAnoif  «o  Tm  •ommr. 

Makt  aothora  entertain,  not  oolj  «  Ibdigli,  4mt  a 
reallj  cUBhonesI  ohjeetfon,  to  ackaowiedge  the  aovroes 
from  whence  tlief  derhre  math  vahnble  inlbrniatioii. 
We  haTe  no  ^nek  feeling.  We  are  nef<^  endeaTertng 
to  discharge  in  an  upHgkt  manner,  the  TetpontriUe 
daties  of  our  editoriid  ibnotiens ;  snd  wfaatetier  ambition 
we  migfat  hare  f%lt  under  other  dfenmatanoes,  to  lay. 
claim  to  the  authorship  of  these  adTeataret,  a  regard  for 
tmth  forbids  ns  to  do  more,  tiian  etaim  tb»  merit  of  their 
judicious  arrangement,  and  impartial  aarratlon.  The 
mekwidt  papers  are  our  New  River  Head ;  and  we  nay 
be  compai^  to  the  New  River  Company.  The  labors 
of  others  have  raised  for  us  an  immenee  reservoir  of 
important  facts.  We  merely  lay  them  on,  and  eomnHH 
nicato  them,  in  a  clear  and  gentle  stream,  through  the 
me^um  «f  these  numbers,  to  a  world  thirsting  for  Pick 
wickiaa  knowledge. 

Acting  ill  this  splrft,  and  resolutely  proceeding  on  our 
detenninadon  to  avow  our  obligations  to  the  anthoritiei! 
we  have  oonsuhed,  we  frankly  say,  that  to  die  note-book 
ai  Mr.  Snodgrass  are  we  indebted  for  the  particulars  re- 
eorded  in  this,  and  the  succeeding  <^apter —  pardculare^ 


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82  POSTBUHOOS  PAPERA  OF 

which,  now  that  we  have  disburdened  our  conscience,  we 
shall  proceed  to  detail  without  further  comment 

The  whole  population  of  Rochester  and  the  adjoining 
towns,  rose  from  their  beds  at  an  early  hour  of  the  fol- 
lowing morning,  m  a  state  of  the  utmost  bustle  and  ex- 
citement A  grand  review  was  to  take  place  upon  the 
Lines.  The  manoeuvres  of  half  a  dozen  regiments  were 
to  be  inspected  bj  the  eagle  eye  of  the  commander -in- 
cbief ;  temponuy  fortifications  had  been  erected,  the  dt- 
adel  was  to  be  attacked  and  taken,  and  a  aiiiie  was  to  be 
sprung. 

Mr.  Piekwiok  was,  as  our  readers  may  have  .gathered 
frooi  the  slight  extract  we  gave  firem  hb  description  of 
Chatham,  an  entitostasde  admirer  of  the  army.  NolMQg 
eoukl  have  beea  more  deHghtM  to  him  <'— nothing  couM 
liave  harmonized  so  well  with  the  peculiar  feeling  of 
each  of  hts  oon^)anions -^  as  this  sight  Accordingly 
they  wore  soon  a-foot,  and  walking  in  the  direction  €£ 
the  scene  of  action^  towards  which  crowds  of  people  were 
already  pouring,  from  a  variety  ai  quarters. 

The  appearance  of  everytliing  on  the  Lines  denoted 
that  the  approadiing  ceremony  .was  one  of  the  utmost 
grandeur  and  unportanee.  There  were  sentries  posted 
to  keep  the  ground  for  the  troops,  and  servants  on  tbe 
batteries  keeping  places  for  the  ladies,  and  sergeants  run- 
ning to  and  fro,  with  v^um-oovered  books  under  their 
arms,  and  Colonel  Bulder,  in  full  military  uniform,  on 
horseback,  galloping  first  to  one  place  and  then  to  an- 
other, and  backing  bis  horse  among  the  peopte,  and 
prancing,  and  curvetting,  and  shouting  in  a  most  alarm- 
ing manner,  and  making  himself  very  hoarse  in  the 
voice,  and  very  red  in  the  face,  without  any  assignable 
cause  or  reason  whatever.    Officers  were  running  back 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  88 

wardb  and  forwards,  first  communicatbig  wilh  Colonel 
Bulder,  and  then  orderiiig  the  sergeants,  and  then  ma- 
ning  away  altogether :  and  even  the  very  prirates  then- 
eelves  looked  firom  behind  their  glazed  stocks  with  an  air 
of  mysterious  solemnity,  which  sufficiently  bespoke  the 
special  nature  of  the  occasion. 

Mr.  Pickwick  and  his  three  companions  statimiM 
themselves  in  the  front  rank  of  the  crowd,  and  patiently 
awaited  the  commenc^nent  of  the  proceediags.  The 
throng  was  increasing  eyecy  moment ;  and  tihe  eibrts 
they  were  compelled  to  make,  to  retain  the  position  tliey 
had  gained,  8ui!iciently  occupied  their  attention  during 
the  two  hours  that  ensued.  At  one  time  there  was  a 
sudden  pressure  iron  behind;  and  then  Mr.  Pid^wiek 
was  jerked  forward  for  aevearal  yards,  with  a  de^;ree  of 
speed  and  elasticity  highly  inconsistent  with  the  general 
gravity  of  his  demeanor ;  at  another  moment  there  was  a 
request  to  ^  keep  back  "  from  the  front,  and  then  the  butt 
end  of  a  musket  was  eidier  dropped  upon  Mr.  Pickwick's 
toe,  to  remind  him  of  the  demand,  or  thrust  into  his  chest 
to  insure  its  being  complied  with.  Then  some  facetious 
gentlemen  on  the  left,  aAer  pressing  sideways  in  a  body, 
and  squeezing  Mr.  Snodgrass  into  the  very  last  extreme 
of  human  torture,  would  request  to  know  *^  vere  he  vos  a 
shovin*  to,"  and  when  Mr.  Winkle  had  done  expressing 
his  excessive  indignation  at  witnessing  this  unprovoked 
assault,  some  person  behind  would  knock  his  hat  over 
his  eyes,  and  beg  the  favor  of  his  putting  his  head  in  his 
pocket  These,  and  other  practical  witticisms,  coupled 
with  the  unaccountable  absence  of  Mr.  Tupman  (who 
had  suddenly  disappeared,  and  was  nowhere  to  be  found), 
rendered  their  situation  upon  the  whole  rather  more  un- 
comfortable, than  pleasing  or  desirable. 


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94  POSTHUMOITS  PAPCRK  OF 

At  length  dMt  low  roar  of  manj  roices  mn  throng 
4he  croird,  which  muallj  announces  the  arrival  of  what- 
cirer  they  have  been  waiting  for.  All  eyes  were  turned 
in  €ke  directien  of  the  sallj-port  A  few  moments  of 
eager  expectation,  and  colors  were  seen  fluttering  gayfy 
in  the  air,  arms  glistened  bfightly  in  the  smi :  colunn 
aAer  eohioMi  poamd  on  to  the  plain.  'Rie  troops  halted 
and  formed;  the  word  of  eottmaad  rang  through  the 
itne,  there  was  a  general  elash  of  mn^ets,  as  arms  were 
presented ;  and  the  cemniaBder-in-diief,  attended  by  Col- 
onel Bulder  and  nnmeroos  officers,  cantered  to  the  front. 
The  military  bands  strock  np  altogether:  the  horses 
stood  nptm  two  legs  each,  cantered  backwards,  and 
whined  their  tails  about  in  all  directions:  the  dogs 
barked,  the  mdb  screamed,  the  troops  recovered,  and 
sotMng  was  to  be  seen  on  either  side,  as  far  as  the 
eye  could  reach,  but  a  long  perSpedSve  of  red  coats  and 
white  trousers,  ftxed  and  motionless. 

Mr.  Pickwick  had  been  so  fully  occupied  in  falling 
about,  and  disentangMng  himself,  miraculously,  from  be- 
tween the  legs  of  horses,  that  he  had  not  enjoyed  suffi- 
cient leisure  to  observe  the  scene  before  him,  until  it  a»- 
sumed  the  appearance  we  have  just  described.  Wlien  he 
was  at  last  enabled  to  stand  firmly  on  his  l^s,  his  grati- 
fication and  delight  were  unbounded. 

**  Can  anything  be  finer,  or  more  delightful  ?  "  he  in- 
quired of  Mr.  Wmkle. 

"  Nothing,*  replied  that  gentleman,  who  had  had  a 
short  man  standing  on  each  of  his  feet,  for  the  quarter  of 
an  hour  immediately  preceding. 

«  It  is  indeed  a  noble  and  a  brilliant  sight,"  said  Mr. 
Snodgrass,  in  whose  bosom  a  blaze  of  poetry  was  rapidly 
(mrsdng  forth,  **  to  see  the  gallant  defenders  of  their  coun- 


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THB  PIOKWIOK  GLDB.  » 

trjf  draws  op  Id  bnltiaQi  anrnf  belbre  ita  peacefiil  oiti* 
zeiM :  their  faees  beaming  — *  not  wilh  wiurlike  ferocitf^ 
but  with  civirizied  gentleneM :  tbetr  eyes  flashing  —  not 
with  the  Tude  fire  of  rapine  or  reTBnge,  but  with  the  noh 
light  of  humanity  and  inteUigwioe*'' 

Mr.  Piekwiek  fully  entered  into  the  spirit  of  this 
eulogMBtt,  but  he  could  not  eicactly  retebo  its  tenns; 
for  the  toil  li^t  of  inteiligBnoe  hvamt  rather  feebly  in 
the  ejres  of  the  wanioBSy  inasmudi  as  the  eommaad 
^  ejes  front "  had  been  gi¥en ;  and  ail  the  speotator  saw 
before  faim  was  servral  thoosand  pair  of  q^tioai  ttejring 
Btrught  forward,  wholly  divested  ef  any  eiqwession 
whaterer* 

<*  We  are  in  a  oap^al  sitaatioay  noW,"  said  Mr.  Pickr 
wick,  kM^dng  round  him.  The  orowd  had  gradually 
dispersed  from  their  ianiediate  rioinity,  and  they  were 
nearly  akme. 

"^  Capital  r  echoed  both  Mr*  SnrfdgMSs  and  Mr. 
TIRnkle. 

''Wlal  aara  they  doing  now?"  inquived  Mr.  Pick- 
wick, a^^joeting  his  speela^dce. 

''I— I— rather  think,**  said  Mr.  Winkle^  ohmigiag 
eolbii —  <«  I  raHier  tfaiak  fhey'iB  goa^  to  fboh." 

'^Nonsense,*'  said  Mr.  Pi^wick,  hastily. 

""I— J[— nally  thhik  they  Me,"  urged  Mr.  Saed- 
glass,  somewhat  alanned. 

**  ImpoiBible,''  repUed  Mr.  Pickwick.  He  had  havdly 
ottered  the  w<»d,  when  the  whole  hatf-dezea  regiments 
levelled  tiieir  muskets  as  if  liiey  had  but  one  common 
object,  and  that  object  the  Piokwickians ;  and  burst  forth 
with  the  most  awful  and  tremendous  discharge,  that  erei 
shook  the  earth  to  its  centre,  or  an  elderly  gentleman  off 


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86  POSTHmiOUS  PAPBRS  OP 

It  WM  hi  this  trjmg  sitiMtlioli,  exposed  to  a  galliii^ 
fire  of  blank  carCridgee,  and  harassed  bj  the  operations 
of  the  military^  a  fi^sh  body  of  whom  had  begun  to  fall 
in,  on  the  opposite  side,  that  Mr.  Pickwick  displajed 
that  peifect  coolness  and  self-possession,  wliich  are  the 
indispensable  accompaniments  of  a  great  mind.  He 
seized  Mr.  Winkle  by  the  arm,  and  placing  himsc^ 
between  that  gentleman  and  Mr.  Snodgrass,  earnestly 
besought  them  to  remember  that  beyond  the  pos^bilitj 
of  being  rendered  deaf  by  the  noise,  there  was  no  inn 
mediate  danger  to  be  i^prehended  fixim  the  firing. 

^  But — but — suppose  some  of  the  men  should  hap- 
pen to  have  ball  cartridges  by  mistake,"  remonstrated 
Mr.  Winkle,  pallicl  at  the  soppontaon  he  was  himself 
conjuring  up.  ^  I  heard  something  whisde  throng  the 
air  just  now  —  so  sharp :  dose  to  my  ear." 

^  We  had  better  throw  ourselves  on  our  foces,  hadn't 
we?"  said  Mr.  Snodgrass. 

"  No,  no  —  if  s  over  now,"  siud  Mr.  Pickwick,  ffis 
lip  might  qiHver,  and  his  eheek  mig^  blanch,  but  no 
expression  of  fear  or  oonoem  escaped  the  lips  €i  that 
immortal  man. 

Mr.  Pickwick  was  right :  the  firing  ceased ;  but  lie 
had  scarcely  time  to  oongratnlate  lilmself  on  the  ao* 
curacy  of  his  opinion,  when  a  quick  movement  n^as  visi- 
ble in  the  line :  the  hoarse  shout  of  the  word  of  com* 
mand  ran  along  it,  and  before  either  of  the  party  could 
form  a  guess  at  ike  meaning  of  this  new  manoeuvre) 
the  whole  of  the  half-dozen  r^riments,  with  fixed  bayo- 
nets, charged  at  double  quick  time  down  upon  the 
very  spot  on  which  Mr.  Pickwick  and  his  friends  were 
stationed. 

Man  is  but  mortal ;  and  there  is  a  point  beyond  wind) 


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THE  PICKWICK  CUJB-  87 

hmnan  oouroge  cannot  eoctisnd.  Mr.  Piekwid^  gazed 
through  hi&  spectacles  for  an  instant  on  the  advancing 
mass;  and  then  fairly  turned  his  back  and  —  we  will 
not  say  fled ;  firstly,  because  it  is  an  ignoble  temit  and, 
secondly,  because  Mr.  Pickwick's  figure  was  by  no 
means  adapted  §or  that  mode  of  retreat  — he  trotted 
away,  at  as  quick  a  rate  as  his  legs  would  convey  him ; 
so  quickly^  indeed,  that  he  did  not  perceive  the  awk- 
wardness of  his  situation^  to  the  fall  extent^  until  too 
late. 

The  c^posite  troops,  whose  &lling-in  had  perplexed 
Mr.  Pickwick  a  few  seconds  before,  were  drawn  up  to 
repel  the  mimic  attack  of  the  sham  besiegers  of  the 
citadel;  and  the  consequence  was,  that  Mr.  Pickwick 
and  his  two  companions  found  Uiemselves  suddenly  en- 
closed between  two  lines  of  great  length ;  the  one  ad- 
vancing at  a  rapid  pace,  and  the  other  firmly  waiting 
the  collision  in  hostile  array. 

"-  Hoi ! "  shouted  the  (^&eers  of  the  advandng  line  — 

^  Get  out  of  the  way,**  cried  the  officers  of  the  station- 
ary one. 

^  Where  are  we  to  go  to?"  screamed  the  agitated 
Pickwickians. 

"  Hoi  —  hoi  —  hoi,"  was  the  only  reply.  There  was 
a  moment  of  intense  bewilderment,  a  heavy  tramp  of 
footsteps,  a  violent  concussion ;  a  smothered  luugh  — 
tlie  half-dozen  regiments  were  half  a  thousand  yards 
ofi*;  and  the  soles  of  Mr.  Pickwick's  boots  were  elevated 
in  air. 

Mr.  Snodgrass  and  Mr.  Winkle  had  each  performed 
a  compulsory  somerset  with  ronarkable  agility,  when 
the  first  object  that  met  the  eyes  of  the  latter  as  he  sat 
on  the  ground,  stannchipg  with  a  yellow  silk  liandker' 


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SB  FOSTHUMOUS  PAPSa«3  OF 

chi«f  ^e  stream  of  life  Which  issned  from  %»  nt&By  was 
his  renerated  leader  at  some  distance  off,  niniiing  alter 
his  own  hat,  which  was  gambolmg  playfullj  awaj  in 
perspective. 

There  are  veiy  few  moments  in  a  man's  existence, 
when  he  experiences  so  much  ludicnms  distress,  or 
meets  with  so  little  charitable  commiseration,  as  when 
he  is  in  pursuit  of  his  own  liat.  A  vast  deal  of  cool- 
ness, and  a  peculiar  degree  of  judgment,  are  requisite 
in  catching  a  hat  A  man  must  not  be  precipitate,  or 
he  runs  over  it:  he  must  not  rush  into  the  opposite 
extreme,  or  he  loses  it  altogether.  The  best  way  is,  to 
keep  gently  up  with  the  object  of  pursuit,  to  be  wary 
and  caatioas,  to  watdi  yonr  opportunity  weU,  get  grad- 
ually before  it,  then  make  a  rapid  dive,  seise  it  by  the 
crown,  and  istSck  it  firmly  on  your  head :  smiling  pleas- 
antly an  the  time,  as  if  you  thought  it  as  good  a  joke  as 
anybody  else. 

There  was  a  fine  gentle  wind,  and  Mr.  PickMrick*s  hat 
rolled  sportively  before  it  The  wind  puffed,  and  Mr. 
Pickwick  puffed,  and  the  hat  rolled  over  and  over  as 
merrily  as  a  lively  porpoise  in  a  strong  tide  ;  and  on  it 
might  have  rolled,  far  beyond  Mr.  Pickwick's  reach,  had 
not  its  course  been  providentially  stopped,  just  as  that 
gentleman  was  on  the  point  of  resignmg  it  to  its  fate. 

Mr.  Pickwick,  we  say,  was  completely  exhausted,  and 
about  to  ^ve  up  the  chase,  when  the  hat  was  blown  with 
some  violence  agsdnst  the  wheel  of  a  carriage,  ^hich  was 
drawn  up  in  a  line  with  half-a-dozen  other  vehicles,  on 
the  spot  to  which  his  steps  had  been  directed.  Mr. 
Pidcwick,  perceiving  his  advantage,  darted  briskly  for- 
ward, secured  his  property,  planted  it  on  his  head,  and 
paused  to  take  breath.    He  had  not  been  stationary  half 


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TBB  PICKWICK  OLOll.  89 

a  mumte,  when  he  heard  his  own  name  eagorlj  pro- 
nounoed  bj  a  Toioe,  whieh  he  at  onoe  reoegnised  as  Mr. 
TupaifliB's,  and,  looking  upwards,  he  beheld  a  sigfat  which 
filled  him  with  surprise  and  pleaMire. 

In  aa  open  bai^ud^e^  the  horses  of  whidi  had  been 
taken  out,  the  betler  ta  accdfnmodate  it  to  the  crowded 
place,  «tood  a  stout  old  gentleman,  in  a  blue  coat  and 
bright  buttons,  corduroy  breeches  and  top-boots,  two 
;^u&g  ladies  in  scarfs  and  leaihers,  a  joung  gentleman 
apparently  enamored  of  one  of  the  young  kdies  in  scarfis 
and  feathers,  a  lady  of  doubtful  age,  probably  the  aunt 
of  the  flfbreaaid,  and  Mr.  Tupman,  as  easy  and  uncon- 
cerned as  if  he  had  belonged  to  the  family  from  the  ftrst 
moments  of  his  infancy.  Fastened  up  behind  the  ba- 
rouche was  a  hamper  of  spacious  dimensions -*— one  o£ 
those  hampers  which  always  awakens  in  a  contemplative 
nnad,  assodations  connected  with  cold  fowls,  tongue,  and 
bottles  of  wine  —  and  on  the  box  sat  a  fat  and  red-faced 
boyt  in  a  state  of  somnolency,  whom  no  speenlatiTe  ob- 
server eould  have  regarded  fbr  an  instant  without  setting 
down  as  the  offieial  dispenser  of  the  eontents  of  the  be- 
fore^nentioned  hamper,  when  tiie  proper  time  for  their 
consumption  should  arrive. 

Mr.  Pi<^wiok  had  bestowed  a  hasty  glance  on  these 
interasting  olijects,  when  he  was  again  greeted  by  his 
fintliful  dis^ple. 

"Pickwick  — Pickwick,**  said  Mr.  Tupman;  "come 
ii}»  here.    Make  haste.'' 

"  Come  along,  sir.  Pray,  come  up,"  said  the  stout 
gentleman.  "  Joe  I  —  damn  that  boy,  he's  gone  to  sleep 
again  —  Joe,  let  down  the  steps."  The  fat  boy  rolled 
■ilowly  off  the  box,  let  down  the  steps,  and  held  the  car^ 
fiage  door  invitit>gly  open.  Mr.  Snodgrass  and  Mr. 
WLolde  came  up  at  the  mcHnent 

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90  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

^  Hoom  for  joa  all,  gentlemen,"  smd  the  stout  man. 
^  Two  inside,  and  aie  ont.  Joe,  raoke  room  for  one  of 
these  gentlemen  on  the  box.  Now,  sir,  come  along;** 
and  the  stout  gentleman  extended  his  arm,  and  pulled 
first  Mr.  Pickwick,  and  then  Mr.  Snodgrass,  into  flie 
barouche  bj  main  force*  Mr.  Winkle  mounted  to  the 
box,  the  fat  boy  waddled  to  the  same  perch,  and  fell  fittt 
asleep  instantly. 

"  Well,  gentlemen,"  said  the  stout  man,  ^  very  glad  to 
see  you.  Know  you  veiy  w^  gentlemen,  though  yon 
mayn't  remember  me.  I  spent  some  ev'nin's  at  your 
club  last  winter  ^-*  picked  up  my  fHend  Mr.  Tupman 
here  this  morning,  and  very  glad  I  was  to  see  him. 
Well,  sur,  and  how  are  you  ?  You  do  look  uncommon 
well,  to  be  sure.** 

Mr.  Pickwick  acknowledged  the  compliment,  and  cor- 
dially shook  hands  with  the  stout  gontleman  in  the  top- 
boots. 

"  Well,  and  how  are  you,  sir  ? "  said  the  stout  gentle- 
man, addressing  Mr*  Snodgrass  with  paternal  anxiety. 
^  Charming,  eh  ?  Well,  that's  right— that's  right.  And 
how  are  you,  sir  (to  Mr.  Winkle)  ?  Well,  I  am  glad  to 
hear  you  say  you  are  well ;  very  glad  I  am,  to  be  sure. 
My  daughters,  g^itlemen  —  my  gab  these  are;  and 
that's  my  sister.  Miss  Rachael  Wardle.  She's  a  Miss 
she  is ;  and  yet  she  a'n't  a  Miss  —  eh,  sir  —  eh  I "  And 
the  stout  gentleman  playfully  inserted  his  elbow  be- 
tween the  ribs  of  Mr.  Pickwick,  and  laughed  veiy 
heartily. 

"  Lor,  brother  ?  "  said  Miss  Wardle,  with  a  deprecat- 
ing smile. 

"  True,  true,"  said  the  stout  gentlemen  ;  "  no  one  can 
deay  it.  Gentlemen,  I  beg  your  pardon  ;  this  is  my 
friend  Mr.  Trundle.     And  now  3rou  all  know  each  other. 

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THE  MCKWICK  CLUB.  91 

let's  be  comfortable  and  bappy,  and  see  what's  going  for- 
ward ;  that's  what  I  saj.*  So  the  stout  gentleman  put 
on  his  spectacles,  and  Mr.  Pickwick  pulled  out  his  glass, 
and  everybody  stood  up  in  the  carriage,  and  looked 
over  somebody  else's  shoolder  at  the  evolutions  of  th^ 
military. 

Astounding  evolutions  they  were,  one  rank  firing  over 
the  heads  of  another  rank,  and  then  running  away ;  and 
then  the  other  rank  firing  over  the  heads  of  another  rank, 
and  running  away  in  their  turn ;  and  then  forming 
sqaai*e8,  with  officers  in  the  centre ;  and  then  descending 
the  trench  on  one  side  with  scaling-ladders,  and  ascending 
it  on  the  other  again  by  the  same  means ;  and  knocking 
down  barricades  of  baskets,  and  behaving  in  the  most 
gHllant  manner  possible.  Then  there  was  such  a  ram- 
ming down  of  the  contents  of  enormous  guns  on  the  bat- 
tery, with  instruments  like  magnified  mops ;  such  a  prep- 
nnition  before  they  were  let  ofi^,  and  such  an  awful  noise 
when  they  did  go,  that  the  air  resounded  with  the  screams 
of  ladies.  The  young  Miss  Wardles  were  so  frightened, 
that  Mr.  Trundle  was  actually  obliged  to  hold  one  of 
them  up  in  die  carriage,  while  Mr.  Snodgrass  supported 
the  other,  and  Mr.  Wardle's  sister  suffered  under  such  a 
dreadful  state  of  nervous  alarm,  that  Mr.  Tupman  found 
it  indispensably  necessary  to  put  his  arm  round  her  waist 
to  keep  her  up  at  alL  Everybody  was  excited,  except 
the  fht  boy,  and  he  slept  as  soundly  as  if  the  roaring  of 
cannon  were  his  ordinary  lullaby. 

"  Joe,  Joe  I "  said  the  stout  gentleman,  when  the  cita- 
del was  taken,  and  the  besiegers  and  besieged  sat  down 
to  dinner.  "  Damn  that  boy,  he's  gone  to  sleep  again. 
Be  good  enough  to  pinch  him,  sir  —  in  the  leg,  if  you 
please;  nothing  else  wakes  him  —  thank  /ou.  Undo 
the  hamper,  Joe.'* 

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92  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

The  fat  boy^  who  had  been  effectually  roused  by  the 
compression  of  a  portion  of  his  leg  between  the  finger 
and  thumb  of  Mr.  THnkle,  rolled  off  the  box  once  again, 
and  proceeded  to  unpack  the  hamper,  with  more  expedi- 
tion than  could  have  been  expected  j&om  his  previous 
inactivity. 

^  Now,  we  must  sit  close,"  said  the  stout  gentleman. 
Aider  a  great  many  jokes  about  squeezing  the  ladies' 
sleeves,  and  a  v&9t  quantity  of  blushing  at  sundry  jocose 
proposals,  that  the  ladies  should  sit  in  the  gentlemen's 
laps,  the  whole  party  were  stowed  down  in  the  barouche  ; 
aiid  the  stout  gentleman  proceeded  to  hand  the  things 
from  the  fat  boy  (who  had  mounted  up  behind  for  the 
purpose)  into  the  carriage. 

^  Now,  Joe,  knives  and  forks."  The  knives  and  fori^s 
were  handed  in,  and  the  ladies  and  gentlemen  inside,  and 
Mr.  Winkle  on  the  box,  were  each  furnished  with  those 
useful  implements. 

^  Plates,  Joe,  plates."  A  similar  process  was  employed 
in  the  distribution  of  the  croekery* 

''  Now,  Joe,  the  fowls.  Damn  that  boj ;  he's  gone  to 
sleep  again.  Joe !  Joe ! "  (Sundry  taps  on  the  head 
with  a  stick,  and  the  fat  boy,  with  some  d^&culty,  roused 
&om  his  lethargy).    ^  Come,  hand  in  the  eatables." 

There  was  something  in  the  sound  of  the  last  word, 
which  roused  the  unctuous  boy.  He  jumped  up :  and 
the  leaden  eyes,  which  t¥rinkled  behind  his  mountainous 
cheeks,  leered  horribly  upon  the  food  as  he  unpacked  it 
from  the  basket 

**  Now,  make  haste,"  said  Mr.  Wardle ;  for  the  fat  boy 
was  hanging  fondly  over  a  capon,  which  he  seemed 
wholly  unable  to  part  with.  The  boy  sighed  deeply, 
and,  bestowing  an  ardent  gaze  upon  its  plumpness,  unwil- 
lingly consi^ed  it  to  his  master. 


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TOE  FICKWIOK  CLtW.  03 

^TlMf8righet--^kDkcterp.  Nowtheton^e  —  now 
ike  |yigeofi-pie«  Take  care  of  that  fml  nMdham  —  mind 
Ae  lobsters  -—  teke  the  salad  out  of  the  oloth  —  gire  me 
the  dressing."  Such  were  the  hurried  09>der8  whkh  is- 
Mied  from  the  lips  of  Mr.  Wardle,  as  he  handed  in  the 
different  articles  described,  and  placed  dishes  in  e^mrj* 
body*s  hands,  and  on  everybody's  knees,  m  ettdless  num- 
ber. 

^  Now,  aVt  this  eaphal ! "  inquired  that  jolly  peraoft- 
i^e,  wiien  the  work  of  4eetraetion  had  coramenoed. 

^  Oafnlfi ! "  eaid  Mr.  Winkle,  who  was  carving  a  fowl 
on  the  box. 

^Ghissotfwine?'' 

^  With  the  greatest  pleastwe.* 

^  Teofd  hetter  hai^e  •  botde  'to  yoorseif,  vp  there, 
hadn't  ywi?* 

••Yoi'reverygood,'' 

^^Joe!" 

^  Yes,  sir."  (He  waai't  asleep  tins  time,  having  just 
succeeded  in  abstracting  a  veal  patty.) 

**  Bottle  of  wine  «o  the  gentleman  on  the  box.  Glad 
to  see  yon,  sir." 

'^Thankee.''  Mr.  Winkle  emptied  his  glass,  and 
placed  the  bottle  on  the  coach-box,  by  his  ade. 

*^  Win  ymi  permit  me  to  ha^e  the  pleasure,  sir?  " 
said  Mr.  Tmndle  to  Mr.  Winkle. 

*"  With  great  pleasure,"  replied  Mr.  Winkle  to  Mr. 
Trundle ;  and  then  the  two  gentlemen  took  wine,  after 
which  they  took  a  glass  of  wine  roand,  ladies  and  all. 

^  How  dear  £ai^  is  flirting  with  the  strange  gentle- 
man," whispered  the  spinster  aunt,  with  true  ^(nster- 
aunt-like  envy,  to  her  lnx)ther  Mr.  War^. 

^Oh  1  I  don't  knew,"  said  the  joHy  old  gentleman ; 


Digitized  by  VjOOQIC 


94  POSTHUKOU&  PAPGBS  OF 

'*all  verj  natural^  I  dare  Bay --^  oothiog  anusiial.  Mr 
Pickwick^  80016  wtne,  sir?''  Mr.  Pickwick,  who  bad 
been  deeply  inveBtigRting  the  interior  of  the  pigeon-pie, 
readily  assented. 

*<  Eniiljy  my  daar,"  said  the  piaster  aunt,  with  a  pat^ 
roaising  air,  ^  don't  talk  «o  lond,  love/* 

"Lor,ajiHt!" 

^  Aunt  and  the  little  old  gentleman  want  to  have  it  all 
(o  tli^nsclves,  I  think,''  whispered  Miss  IsaheUa  Wardle 
to  her  sister  £mily.  The  young  ladies  laughed  T«ry 
heurtily,  and  the  oh!  one  tried  to  look  amiable,  but 
couldn't  manage  it. 

^^  Young  girls  have  siu:h  spirits,"  said  Miss  Wardle 
to  ^f  I*.  Tupman,  with  slA  tar  oi  gentle  eommit^ratlon,  as 
if  animal  apirits  were  eontraband^.and  their  possession 
without  a  permit,  a  high  crime  and  misdenjtejaoor. 

^  Oil,  they  have,"  replied  Mr,  Tupman,  not  exactly 
making  the  sort  of  reply  that  was  expected  from  ^m. 
"It's  quite  delightful" 

<'  Hem  1 "  said  Miss  Wardia,  rather  dubiously. 

''Will  you  pennit  me,"  said  Mr.  Tupman, in  his  bland- 
est manner,  touching  the  enchanting  Rachaers  wrist  with 
one  hand,  and  gently  elevatiBg  the  bottle  with  the  other. 
"  Will  you  permit  me-?  " 

^  Oh,  sir  I "  Mr.  Tupman  looked  most  impresave  ;  and 
Rachael  expressed  her  fear  that  more  guns  were  going 
oil*,  in  which  case,  of  course,  she  would  have  required 
supiK>rt  again. 

**  Do  you  think  my  dear  nieces  pretty  ? "  whispered 
their  affectionate  aunt  to  Mr.  Tupman. 

"  I  shoold  if  their  aunt  wasn^t  here,"  replied  the  ready 
Pickwickian,  with  a  passionate  glance. 

''Oh,  you  nau^ty  man  -^  but  raaUy,  if  their  complex- 


Digitized  by  VjOOQIC 


TH£  PIQ^WICI^  QUJS  95 

moB  were  a  Utde  better,  don't  jou  thj^ii  i)^j  would  he 
nice-looking  girls — by  candlc-ligbt  ?  " 

**  Yes ;  I  think  they  would; "  said  Mr*  Tupman,  with 
an  air  of  indifiference. 

**0h,  you  quiz — I  know  what  you  were  going  to  wyr.** 

^What?"  inqoifed.  Mr*  Tapman,  who  bad  not  pre- 
daely  made  up  his  mind  to  say  anythiug  at  alL 

'^You  were  going  to  say,  that  Isabella  stoops  — 1 
know  you  were — you  men  are  such  observers.  Well, 
.so  she  does ;  it  can't  be  denied ;  and  certainly,  if  there  is 
one  thing  more  than  auotlier  that  makes  a  girl  look  ugly, 
it  is  stooping.  I  often  tell  her,  that  when  she  gets  a 
little  oldev,  she'll  be  quite  firightfiil.  Well,  you  are  a 
quiz!*' 

Mr*  ISipman  had  no  objection  to  earning  the  reputa- 
tion at  so  chei^)  a  rate :  so  he  looked  very  kngwlog,  and 
smiled  mysteriously. 

^  What  a  sarcastic  smile,"  said  the  adnuriDg  Baohael ; 
"  I  declare  Tm  quite  afraid  of  you." 

«Afipsid4rfnieI" 

**  Oh,  you  can't  disguise  anything  from  me  -^  I  know 
what  that  snule  means,  very  welL" 

"^ What?"  said  Mr.  Tupman,  who  had  not  the  slight- 
est notion  himself. 

^  You  mean,"  said  the  aiaiable  aunt^  sinking  he?  voice 
stHl  lower  -^  ^  You  mean^  that  you  don't  think  Isabella's 
stoq;ung  is  as  bad  as  Emily's  boldness.  Well,  she  i$ 
boldi  You  cannot  think  how  wretched  it  inakes  me 
sometimes  -^  Pm  sure  I  cry  about  it  for  hours  together 
—  my  dear  brother  is  $o  good,  and  so  unsuspicious,  that 
he  never  sees  it;  if  he  did,  T^a  quite  certain  it  would 
break  his  heart.  I  wish  X  90uld  think  it  was  only 
JWflW^rrlJwfie  it.w^  ^^"  (J^^r^  the. fi^SK^^tP 


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96  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

relative  heaved  a  deep  sigb,  and  shook  her  head  de- 
spondinglj). 

Tm  sure  aunt's  talking  about  us,"  whispered  Miss 
Emilj  Wardle  to  her  sbter  —  "  Fm  quite  certain  of  it  — 
she  looks  so  malicious." 

« Is  she?"  replied  Isabella — **  Hem  I  aunt,  dearl" 

"  Yes,  my  dear  love !  ** 

**  Fm  io  afraid  jou'll  catch  cold,  aunt  —  have  a  silk 
handkerchief  to  tie  round  your  dear  old  head — you 
really  should  take  care  of  yourself — consider  your 
age!" 

However  well  deserved  this  piece  of  retaliation  might 
have  been,  it  was  as  vindictive  a  one  as  could  well  have 
been  resorted  to.  There  is  no  guessing  in  wluit  form 
of  reply  the  auntis  indignation  would  have  vented  itself 
had  not  Mr.  Wardle  unconsciously  changed  the  subject, 
by  calling  emphatically  for  Joe. 

^  Damn  that  boy,"  said  the  old  gentleman,  ^  he's  gone 
to  sleep  again." 

"  Very  extraordinary  boy,  that,"  said  Mr.  Pickwii^^ 
**  does  he  always  sleep  in  this  way  ? " 

"  Sleep  I "  said  the  old  gentleman,  "  he*s  alwajrs  asleep. 
*<9oes  on  errands  fast  asleep,  and  snores  as  he  waits  at 
table." 

*«  How  very  odd ! "  said  Mr.  Pickwick. 

**Ah!  odd  indeed,"  returned  the  old  gentleman ;  "  Fm 
proud  of  that  boy  —  wouldn't  part  with  him  on  any  ac- 
•roiint  —  he's  a  natural  curiosity !  Here,  Joe  * —  Joe  — 
take  Uiese  things  away,  and  open  another  bottle  —  d^e 
hear?" 

The  fat  boy  rose,  opened  his  eye.^,  swallowed  the  huge 
piece  of  pie  he  had  been  in  the  act  of  masdcating  when 
he  last  fell  asleep,  and  slowly  oheyed  his  master's  orders 


Digitized 


9d  by  Google 


.  THE  PICKWICK  GL^B.  97 

—  gloating  languidlj  over  the  remains  of  the  feast,  as 
he  removed  the  plates,  and  deposited  them  in  the  hamper. 
The  fresh  bottle  was  produced,  and  speedilj  emptied: 
the  hamper  was  made  fast  in  its  old  place  —  the  fat  boj 
once  more  mounted  the  box  —  the  spectacles  and  pocket- 
glass  were  again  adjusted — and  the  evolutions  of  the 
military  recommence^.  Thpi)e  wfs^  a  great  flzcing  and 
banging  of  guns,  and  starting  of  ladies  —  and  then  a 
nine  was  spvuitg,  to  the  gratification  of  everybody -^ 
and  when  the  mine  had  gone  off,  the  military  l^ld  .the 
oompaay  foUowed  .its  example,  and  went  off  too. 

^Now,  mind,"  said  the  old  gentleman,  as  he  shpok 
hands  with  Mr.  Pickwick  at  the  conclusion  of  a  conver- 
sation wbicli  liad  been  carried  on  at  intervals,  during  the 
eoncUision  of  the  proceedings  —  ^  we  shall  see  yo^  aj 
to-morrow." 

^  Most  certainly,''  replied  Mr,  Pickwick. 

**  You  liave  g$i  the  address  ?  " 

''Manor  Farm,  Biogley  DeU,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick, 
consulting  his  pocket-book. 

<<  Thafs  it,**  said  the  old  gentlamaii.  "^  I  don't  let  you 
ftt,  miiid»  under  a  week ;  and  undertake  that  you  diaU 
tee  eveiytfaing  worth  seeing.  If  you've  come  down  for 
a  oooAtry  life,  cmoe  to  me,  and  111  give  you  plenty  ^ 
it  Joe — damn  that  b<iy,  heTa  gone  la  ^kep  again -^ 
Joe^  help  Tom  pat  in  the  horses^"  : 

The  herses  were  put  in  —  the  driver  mounfted  «-  the 
fkl  boy  clambered  np  by  bis  fide  —  foreiteUs  were  ej> 
changed  —  and  the  carriage  rattled  o£  As  the  Pickr 
widuans  tumed  round  to  take  a  last  glimpse  of  it,  the 
sfHtvig  sua  cast  a  rich  glow  oa  the  faces,  of  their  enters 
tidaefs,  Bad  fell  iipaa  the  form  of  the  &l  boy*  His 
ted/was  mmk  upon  his  bonom ;  and  b«  slumbered  again* 


Digitized  by  VjOOQIC 


W  POfitHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 


CHAPTBft  V* 
HOW  im.  proitwiOK  imtiEttTOOK  to  dbote^  anh 

MR.  ^WlNKLS  TO  Rn>K)   AMO  fiOW  THSIT  ROTH  DID 
It. 

'  Bitrofit  and  pkaaant  wm  (he  eAty,  "biiliiij  the  Air,  iiftd 
beautiful  the  appearance  of  every  ofcject  anmnd,  as  Mj\ 
Pickwick  leant  oyer  the  balustrades  of  Rochester  Bridge^ 
contemplating  nattif^  and  waitkig  for  breakfast-  The 
scene  was  indeed  one,  whieh  might  well  hay«  duintted 
«  flir  less  Feftecliy<e  mmd,  than  that  to  irMch  ie  wtm  {fre- 
sented. 

Oil  the  left  of  the  speetatdr  kj  Ifae  rttiiied'wall^btoken 
ttt  many  placies,  and  in  smm,  overhaAglng  the  narcMr 
beaoh  bekyw  m  rude  afvd  keavy  massei.  Hbge  kndts 
«f  searweed  hm%  upcin  t^  JAgged  and  pointed  eume^ 
tremblkig  in  e^rj  beeadi  of  wAid  ^  and  the  gi«eh  ivy 
clung  mournfully  round  the  4aii:  and,  nibed  Ibattlo- 
m^nts.  B^Arind  it  rose  the  andent  c«rt)e,  H»  Hf^ers 
vo^ftetsBf  and  its  massive  walk  ctHimbldsg  away,  bat  tell^ 
iilg  Us  proudly  of  ite  old  mr^l  aad  streagtlr,  as  when^ 
B^veu  handred  years  ago,  it  ^rang  with  the  dash  of  amn^ 
or  resounded  with  the  noise  of  feasting  and  revelix. 
On  either  side,  tiie  banks  erf*  the  Medway,  covered  with 
ooiQ-fiekli  and  pastares,  w^h  here  ami  tiMve  a  wisd^ 


Digitized  by  VjOOQIC 


ntyi,  or  a  fbttaii  chwoh,  ^trelcltei  nmtkj  us  for  a$  the 
eye  could  see,  presenting  a  rich  and  yaried  landeCapey 
i<edd«»d  ii}Qrel>eautifiiil  bf  the  changing  ^adifwB  which 
passed  Biriftlj  aa^oss  Hy  as  the  tUn  aad  b«l^^)niied 
clouda  flkidubed  a»7ajf  In  the  Hgllt«f  the  m«mbg  sun. 
Hw  tififiiv  YieflHHiitg  Ihe^dear  bltie^  the  skf,  gUsteaad 
hud  BpvUed  110  it  Himed  mmml^atilj  xm ;  and  Ihe  oan 
of  the  fishermen  dipped  into  the  wnUsr  with  a  clear  and 
lii)tnd  aoHnd)  aa  Ihe  faeftyy  hut  pioture&que  boato  glided 
ali>wfy  down  the  alreanw 

Mr«  Piokwiok  wae  mated  foonn  the  agreeable  r^eiy 
into  which  he  had  been  led  by  the  objects  before  him» 
by  a  deep  sigfa,  and  a  touch  on  hit  shoolden  He  tamed 
MNind :  and  the  diamal  man  was  a$  hit  fade* 

"^Oontemphuthig  the   aocttie?''  Jaqaired  the  disaial 


« I  was,"  said  Mr-  Pickwiok* 

^  And  oobgrali^lattng  yoartcdf  on  beiag  up  to  soon?^ 
Mr.  Pichwick  iMMkled  assent. 

"  Ah !  peo|^  need  to  rite  early,  to  see  the  aua  in  aU 
his  fipfendoi^  for  hit  brigbtitett  aeldom  latls  the  dajF 
through.  The  morning  of  day  and  the  morning  of  Sib 
ate  but  tdo  kMKsh  aUke^"  ... 

"  You  speak  truly,  sir,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick* 

^Hawootumm  theBaiyiDg,^<M>ntiiM]ad  tbt  dismal  man, 
^  ^Tbe  tDMBing^a  io(r  fine  to  iMt.'  How  well  nught  il 
be  applied  1^  4mr  every-day  Qzabteaee*  Qodl  what 
would  I  Ibrfeit  to  haya  the  days  of  my  childhood  re«> 
elared,  or  to  be  able  to  ibrget  them  fbreyerl" 

^YoQ  have  teen  much  tMibl^  siry**  said  Mr.  Pick^ 
wick,  c6mpasflionat«ly^ 

''I  haye,"  said  the  diMSed  m«n»  htimedly ;  <' I  bare. 
Biore  than  tiiote  wha'^e^  tte  n^w  would  betieve  poe- 

TOL.  I.  T 

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100  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

Bible/'    He  paused  for  to  histiuil,  and  thwi  said,  ab* 
niptly, 

^  Did  it  ever  strike  yon,  on  soeh  m  itioraing  as  this^ 
that  drowning  would  be  happiness  and  peace  ? " 

^  God  bless  me,  no!**  replied  Mr.  Pidiwick,  edging  a 
Htde  from  the  balustrade,  as  the  possiblUtj  of  the  diamal 
man's  tipping  htm  over,  by  way  of  experiment,  oecnmd 
<o  him  rather  forcibly. 

<*  /  have  thooght  so,  ofien,^  said  the  dismal  man,  withi- 
out  noticing  the  action.  ^  The  calm,  cool  water  aeent 
to  me  to  murtnvir  an  invitation  to  repose  and  rest*  A 
boond,  a  splash,  a  brief  struggle ;  there  is  an  eddy  fbr 
an  instant,  it  gradually  subsiides  into  a  gentle  ripple; 
the  waters  have  closed  above  your  head,  and  the  world 
has  closed  upon  your  miseries  and  misfortunes  Ibrever." 
The  sunicen  eye  of  the  dismal  man  flashed  brightly  at 
he  spoice,  but  the  momentary  excitement  quidcly'  sub* 
sided  \  and  h^  tamed  calmly  away,  as  he  said  — * 

''There  —  enough  of  that  I  wish  to  see  you  on 
another  subject  You  invited  me  to  read  that  paper, 
the  night  before  last,  and  listened  attentively  while  I 
did  so." 

''I  did,"  replied  Mr.  Pickwick;  «aad  I  oertamly 
thought " 

**  I  asked  Ibr  no  opinion,"  said  the  dismal  man,  hiter- 
rupting  him,  ''and'  I  want  none.  Too  are  travelling  for 
amusement  and  instruction.  Suppose  I  ibrwarded  you 
a  curious  manuscript  —  observe^  not  curious  because 
wild  or  improbable,  but  curious  as  a  leaf  fttom  the  ro- 
mance of  real  life.  Would  you  communicate  it  to  the 
club,  of  which  you  have  spoken  so  frequently  ? " 

*♦  CeHainly,"  replied  Mr.  PWcwick;  "if  you  wished  it; 
and  it  would  be  entered  on  their  TVansaotions." 


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THS  PICKWIQi:  OLUa  101 

^  Tou  stmll  have  it,"  replied  the  dismal  man.  ^  Your 
iiddress ; "  and,  Mr.  Pickwick  having  communicated  their 
probable  route,  the  dismal  man  carefully  noted  it  down 
in  a  greasy  podtet-book,  and,  resisting  Mr.  Pickwick's 
pressing  invitation  to  breakfast,  left  that  gentleman  at 
his  inn,  and  walked  ^wlj  awaj* 

Mr.  Pickwick  foond  that  his  three  companioos  had 
risen,  and  were  waiting  his  arrival  to  commence  break- 
fast, which  was  ready  laid  in  tempting  display.  They 
sat  down  to  the  meal ;  and  broiled  ham,  egga,  tea,  coffee, 
.and  sundries  began  to  disappear  with  a  rapidity  which 
at  once  bore  teatmuHiy  to  the  excellence  oi  the  fare,  and 
the  appetites  of  its  consumers. 

'^Now,  about  Maxkor  Fana,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick. 
"How  shall  we  go?** 

^  We  had  better  eonsult  the  waiter,  perhaps,"  said  Mr. 
Tupman,  and  the  waiter  was  summoiied  accordingly. 

^  Dingley  Dell,  gentlemen  — fifteen  miles,  gentlemen 
—  cross-road — poal-chaiae,  sir?" 

"Postpchaise  won't  hold  more  than  two,"  said  Mr. 
.  Pickwidu 

"  True,  sir —  beg  yo«r  paxdon,  sir.  —  Very  nice  fbar- 
. wheel  efaaise,  sir— *8eat  for  two  behind -^one  in  front 
for  the  gwtleman  that  drives — oh  I  beg  your  pardon, 
sir  —  that'll  only  hold  three." 

"^  Whafs  to  be  done ?"  said  Mr.  Snodgrass. 

'^  Perhi^  one  of  the  gentlemen  like  to  ride,  sir^"  sug- 
gesteil  the  waiter,  looking  towards  Mr.  Winkle ;  ^  very 
good  saddle^hoBses,  sir  — ^.any  of  Mr.  Wardle's  men  com- 
ing to  Rochester,  bring  'em  back,  sir." 

"The  very  ibiogT  said  Mr.  Pickwick.  «  Winkle,  will 
you  go  on  horseback  ?" 

Now  Mr.  Winkle  did  entertain.  ronaJdemMe.  misgivingp 


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102  POSTHUK09S  PAPISS-  OF 

in  Ihe  verj  lowest  feoesBto  of  his  owb  heeaif  relative  to 
his  equestnan  skill;  bat,  as  he  woald  not  hare  (hem 
ereo  suspected  on  any  aecount,  he  at  once  replied  with 
greait  hardihood,  ^  CSertainfy*  I  should  enjqy  it,  of  all 
thiags." 

Mr.  Winkle  had  rushed  apoB  his  fate ;  there  was  no 
resource.  ^  Let  them  be  at  the  door  hy  eleven,**  said 
Mr.  FifdcwicL 

<«  Very  well,  sir,**  replied  the  waiter. 

The  waiter  retired ;  the  break^Eut  ooBcluded ;  and  ^ 
travellers  ascended  to  their  respeetite  bedrooms,  to  pre- 
pare a  change  of  dothing^  to  take  with  theu  (m  their 
approaching  expedition. 

Mr.  Pickwick.had  made  his  preliaunaty  arrai^ements, 
and  was  looking  over  the  coffee-room  blinds  at  the  pas- 
sengers in  the  street,  when  the  waiter  enteivd,  and  an- 
nounced that  the  chaise  was  ready — an  amocmeem^it 
which  the  ▼ehade  itself  eonfinned,  by  loirdiwiih  appear- 
ing before  the  coffee-room  bfinds  aforesaid. 

It  was  a  oorions  little  greea  box  on  four  whe^  with 
a  low  place  like  a  wine-bin  for  two  behind,  and  an  ele- 
vated pereh  for  one  in  .front,  drawn,  b^  an  inMneose  brown 
horse,  displaying  great  symmetifyof  bone»  An  ho««kM^ 
.  stood  neary  hoUitig  by  the  bndle  another  immoise  horse 

—  i^parently  a  near  relative  of  the  animal  b  ik^  trhaise 

—  ready  saddted  for  Mr.  Winkle. 

''Bless  my  aoull''  said  Mr.  Piekwidk,  as  they  stood 
upon  the  pavement  while  the  coats  wem  being  put  b^ 
>  Bless  my  soul  I  who^s  to  drive  ?  I  never  thougfait  of 
that" 

''  Qhl  you,  of  course,*^  said  Mr.  Topnuuk 

**  Of  course,"  said  Mr.  Snodgrass. 

«Ip  €xdaimodJUbr.^Packrwiek. 


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THB  FTCKWSCK  Vhtnh.  206: 

'«  Net  the  ^gfat^t  feai',  sn*,"  interpoeed  tUe  hosAler 
<*  Warrant  him  quiet,  sir ;  a  hinfiEmt  in  bIibs  mtglit  driye 
him." 

^  He  doa^t  shy,  does  he?"  inquired  Mr.  Piokwiek. 

**  Sfaj,  sir  ?  -^  He  wouldn't  shy  if  he  w»  to  meet  a 
▼aggin^^oad  of  monkeys,  with  their  tails  burnt  offi** 

The  last  reeomnieiidatioB  was  indispiiti^le.  Mr. 
Tupman  and  Mr.  Snodgrass  got  into  the  bin ;  Bir. 
Piokwif^  aaoended  to  lits  perch,  and  deposited  his  Feet 
on  a  floor-clothed  shetf,  ereoted  beneath  it^  for  that 
porpose. 

^Ifow,  skiny  YilHam,"  nid  the  hostler  to  the  depttty 
hostler,  <«glTe  dto  genlm^  the  ribbins."  ^  Shhiy  Yil- 
liam  " — so  called,  probably,  from  his  sledc  hair  and  oily 
ccNmteii&]ie6<*^plaoed  the  reins  in  Mt*  Pickwick's  left 
hand ;  and  the  upper  hoslkr  tfamst  a  wMp  into  his 
right 

MWo~o!"  cried  Mr*  Pkskwiok,  as  the  tall  quadra^ 
ped  erinced  a  decided  incfination  to  back  into  the  cofiee* 
roon  window. 

^  Wo-^o!**  edioed  Mr.  INipman  and  Mr.  Snodgrass, 
inm  the  bin. 

<*Ofily  his  playfiihiess,  genlm'n,*'  a&i  the  head  faos* 
tl^,  enootiraghigly }  **  jfat  kitdi  hold  on  bim,  VilRam.*' 
The  deputy  restrained  the  animal's  impetuosity,  and  the 
principal  nm  to  assist  Mr.  Winkle  in  mounting. 

•«  T'other  side^  sir,  if  you  please." 

^  Blowed  if  the  genlm'n  wom't  a  gettia'  up  on  Ae 
wrong  siito,"  whispered  a  grinning  post4x)y)  to  the  inex- 
pressibly gnMeA  waiter. 

Mr.  Winkle,  thus  instructed,  climbed  into  his  saddle, 
wilh  about  as  HMieh  difllcnlty  as  he  wouM  banre  exp^H- 
elioe*  in  gettkig  up  the  side  of  a  firstHrate  tt^n^o^war.    ' 


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104  pasvmmoUS  PAPERS  OF 

«  All  right?''  mqnired  Mr.  "Pidkmfk,  with  an  imraH 
presentimeut  that  It  was  all  wrong. 

"  All  ri^t,"  replied  Mr.  Winkle  faintly. 

"  Let  'em  go,"  cried  the  hostler, — **Hold  him  in,  air;" 
and  away  went  the  chaise,  and  the  saddle-horse,  with  Mr. 
Pickwick  on  the  box  of  the  one,  and  Mr.  Winkle  on  die 
back  of  die  other,  to  the  delight  and  gratification  of  the 
whole  inn-yard. 

^  What  makes  him  go  sideways?  "  said  Mr.  Snodgrasa 
in  tlie  bin,  to  Mr.  Winkle  in  the  saddle. 

^I  can't  imagine,"  replied  Mr.  Winkle.  His  horse 
was  drifting  np  die  street  in  the  most  mysterious  manner 
—  side  first,  with  his  head  towards  one  side  of  die  way, 
and  his  tail  towards  the  other. 

Mr.  Pickwick  had  no  lenore  to  obaerre  either  this,  ot 
any  other  particular,  the  wh<^  of  his  fiiealties  being  con- 
centrated in  the  management  of  the  animal  attached  to 
the  chaise,  who  displayed  yarions  peculiarideB,  highly 
interesting  to  a  by*6lander,  bat  by  no  means  equally 
amusing  to  any  one  seated  behind  him.  Beadea  con- 
standy  jeiking  his  head  op,  in  a  very  unpleasant  and 
uncomfortable  manner,  and  tugging  at  the  reins  to  an 
extent  which  rendered  it  a  matter  of  great  diflUcitlty  for 
Mr.  Hckwick  to  hold  them,  he  had  a  singular  pn^)eiH 
sity  for  darting  suddenly  every  now  and  then  to  the  side 
of  the  road)  then  stopping  short,  and  then  rushing  finv 
ward  for  some  minutes,  at  a  speed  which  it  was  wholly 
impossible  to  eontroL 

*<  What  em  he  mean  by  tMs?"  said  Mr.  Snodgraaa, 
when  the  horse  had  executed  this  nuuKBUvre  for  the 
twentieth  time. 

<"  I  don't  know,"  replied  Mr.  Tupman ;  <"  it  hah 
rery  like  shying,  don't  it  ?  "    Mr.  Snodgrass  was  about 


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THB  PldLWICX  CUZB.  lOj 

to  reply,  when  he  was  interrapted  t>j  a  shout  from  Mr* 

"Woo,''  said  that  gentleman,  ^I  htr.re  dropped  my 
whip* 

^Winkle,"  cried  Mr.  Snodgrass,  as  the  equestrian 
oame  trotting  up  on  the  tall  horse,  With  his  hat  orer  his 
ears;  and  shaking  afl  over,  as  if  he  would  shake  to 
pieces,  with  the  violence  of  the  exercise.  *^Pick  np 
the  whip,  diere's  a  good  fellow."  Mr.  Winkle  pnQed  at 
the  hridle  of  the  tall  horse  till  he  was  hlad:  in  the  fyoe ; 
and  having  at  leng^  sncoeeded  in  stopping  hhn,  dis- 
moonted,  handed  the  whip  to  Mr.  Piekwiek,  and,  grasp- 
ing the  reins,  prepared  to  remotint 

Now,  whether  the  tall  horse,  in  the  natural  playful- 
ness cf  his  disposition,  was  desirous  of  having  a  little 
innoo^t  recreadon  with  Mr.  Wii^Ele,  or  whether  it  oo- 
cinred  to  him  that  he  could  perform  the  journey  as  much 
to  his  own  satisfaction  wiUiont  a  rider  as  wi^  one,  are 
points  upon  which  we  can  arrive  at  no  definite  and  dis- 
tinct conclusion.  By  whatever  motives  the  animal  was 
actuated,  certain  it  is  that  Mr.  Winkle  had  no  sooner 
touched  the  reins,  than  he  slipped  them  over  his  head, 
and  darted  backward  to  their  fhU  lengdi. 

**  Poor  fellow,"  said  Mr.  Winkle,  soothingly,  —  "  poor 
felk>w — good  old  horse."  The  " poor  feUow"  was  proof 
agflonst  flattery ;  the  more  Mr.  Winkle  tried  to  get  nearer 
him,  the  more  he  si^d  away ;  and,  notwitfastandhig  all 
kinds  of  coaxing  and  wheedling,  there  were  Mr.  Winlt  le 
and  the  good  old  horse  going  round  and  round  each  other 
^  ten  minutes  $  at  the  end  of  which  time,  each  was  at 
precisely  the  same  cKstanoe  from  the  other  as  wh«9  they 
fir^  commenced  —  an  irasatisfilctoty  sort  of  thing  under 
my  ci]wn8taia»%  hot  particularly  so  in  a  lonely  road, 
where  no  assistaKioe  can  be  pfociired. 

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400  POflTOiW)^  l^iiWW  OF 

,  ^  WbAt  ajorl  t^io?"  ahwt^  Mr.  WiBkle*  ^r  the 
dodging  had  been  prolonged  for  a  considen^bk  Umo. 
^  What  am  I  lo  do  P    I  caa't  g/stt  on  htm." 

*^  You  had  better  lead  him  till  we  come  to  a  tumpikey'* 
replied  Mr.  Pickwick  from  the  chaise^ 

**  BiH  he  won't  come,**  roared  Mr*  Winl^e.  "  D^  com^ 
imd  bold  Hmm" 

Mr.  Pickwick  w^  the  impe]»;ttation  of  kiadae^s  ail4 
buinaiuij ;  be  threw  the  reina  oa  the  hovse>  backy  a«d 
having  deaceaded  fam  bis  $eatt  Qftveiully  drew  the  ckaiae 
into  tJUe  hedge,  lest  aaything  should  come  aloag  the  road» 
and  stepped  b^  u^  the  assi^taoca  of  his  dwtiressed  oom** 
panion,  leaving  Mr.  Tupmim  and  Mr*  Snodgmas  in  tb$ 

The  horse  ao  sooner  bahekl  Mr.  Pickwick  adTanaag 
towards  him  With  thfi.chaia»A?hq^  in  his  baad,  tJban  h)$ 
exchanged  the  rotatory  molioa  in  which  be  had  pimi* 
ously  indulged,  for  a^  x^tts^^^^^  movement  of  so  ^lerjr 
jdetermined  a  character^  that  it  at  onoe  drew  Mr.  Winkle^ 
who  was  still  at  tbe  end  of  the  bridlei  at  a  mther  quieker 
rate  than  fast  walking,  in  the  dkec^on  &^m  whk)h  they 
had  just  come.  Mr.  Pickwick  ran  to  bis  assistance,  but 
the  faster  Mr.  Pickwick  ran  forwa^rd,  the  £»ster  the  hwfn^ 
-ran  backward. 

There  was  a  great  scraping  of  feet,  aixid  kicking  up  of 
^e  dust;  and  at  laat  Mr^  WinUs,  bis  emps  being  nearly 
pulled  out  of  tbeir  sockets,  fairly  let  gQ  hit  bold.  The 
horse  pauaed,  stared,  shook  bis  bead«  turned  roaad,  an4 
quietly  txoOed  tuu^e  to  Rochester,  leaving  Jttr.  Winkle 
and  Mr.  Pickwick  glaring  on  each  otber  with  countei- 
nances  of  blank  dismay*  A  railing  iw>ise  at  a  little 
distance  attracted  their  attention.  They  looked  up^ 
,  "  Bless  iny  qgMl*'  ftar^rlaiiiiad  the-  qgon«ied  Miv  Pjck- 
wick,  « there's  the  gJbwbws^  inwMWi^  aflray  I ''. 

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Tfl^  PKKWiqK  cw*  Vff: 

L  was  but  too  tnie;  The  mnmii}' W4ift  starthd  1^  ike 
ooise,  and  the  reins  were  on  his  hack,  Th^  reaiUt  may 
be  guessed.  He  tore  off  with  the  fi>ur-wbeeled  cl^Mse 
behind  him,  mid  Mr.  Tupnian  and  Mn  Snodgrass  in  the 
four-wheeled  chaise*  The  heat  wi^  i^  short  one*  Mr« 
Tupman  threw  himself  into  &f  hed^^  Mft  Soodgra^ 
fpBowed  bis,  es^unple,  the  bor^e  dashed  the  {iw9*whoeled 
chaise  against  a  wooden  bridge,  separated  tht  wheela 
from  the  body,  and  the  bin  fi-om  the  perch ;  and  teallj 
stood  stock  still  to  ga;Ke  upon  the  rain  he  had  made. 

The  first  care  of  the  two  unapilt  friends  was  to  extri- 
cate their  onfortunatie  companir>nf  from  their  bed  of 
quickset  —  a  process  which  gave  t^^em  the  unspeakable 
aatisfiiiction  of  discoirering  th|U  tbej  had  sustained  xm^ 
injury,  beyond  sundry  rents  in  their  garments^  and  vari- 
ous lacerations  from  the  brambles*  The  uw^  thing  to 
1^  dose  wa^  to  unharness  the  horse.  This  909iplicate<i 
process  having  been  effecteds  the  party  walked  alowlj 
forward,  leading  thd  horse  among  themj  and  abaadoning 
the  chaise  to  its  ^ie» 

An  hour's  walking  brought  the  travellers  to  a  lilithi 
icoad-side  pubUc-hoijIie,  witli  two  elm*tree%  a ,  horse** 
trough,  and  a  sign-post,  in  front ;  one  or  two  deformed 
hsQ^ricks  behind,  a  kitohen-giMnden  at  the  mie,  and  rot- 
ten sheds  and  mouldering  out-houses  jumbled  m  strange 
ooofusion,  all  i4><>ut  it.  A  red^faded  mau  was  working 
in  the  garden ;  and  to  him  Mr.  Pickwick  caUed  lustily  ^*« 
"JBWk)i  there  r 

The  pod^headed  mai^  raised  his  hQ4j,  ah04ed  his  eyea 
with  his  hand,  and  stared  long  and  coolly,  at  Mr.  Pick" 
wiek  and  hi9>  companions. 

«  HaUo  there  I "  repeiiited  Mr.  Pickwick. 
,  "fliajql"  ^raa  the  red'fceadftl  man's  repjy*.  ,  - 


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108  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OP 

•<  How  fer  is  it  to  Dingley  Dell  ?  "* 

**  Better  er  seven  mile.** 

**  Is  it  a  good  road  ?  " 

«No,  'laVt'*  Having  uttered  this  brief  reply,  and 
apparently  satisfied  himself  with  another  scnitiny,  the 
red-headed  man  resumed  his  work. 

"  We  want  to  pnt  this  horse  np  here,"  said  Mr.  Tick" 
wick ;  "  I  suppose  we  can,  can*t  we  ?* 

"  Want  to  put  that  'ere  horse  up,  do  ee  ?  '^  repeated  the 
rod-headed  man,  leaning  on  his  spade. 

"  Of  course,"  replied  Mr.  Pickwick,  who  had  by  this 
time  advanced,  horse  in  hand,  to  the  garden  rails. 

*•  Missus**  —  roared  the  man  with  the  red  head,  emerg- 
ing from  the  garden,  and  looking  very  hard  at  the  horse 
—  «  Missus.** 

A  tall  bony  woman  —  straight  all  the  way  down — in 
a  coarse  blue  pelisse,  widi  the  waist  an  inch  or  two  below 
her  armpits,  responded  to  the  calL 

**  Can  we  put  this  horse  up  here,  my  good  woman  ?** 
said  Mr.  Tupman,  advancing,  and  speaking  in  his  most 
seducdve  tones.  The  woman  looked  very  hard  at  the 
whole  party ;  and  the  red-headed  man  whispered  some- 
thing in  her  ear. 

**  No,**  replied  the  woman,  after  a  little  consideration, 
«rmafeerdonit** 

«  Afraid  I  **  exclaimed  Mr.  Pickwick,  "  whaf  s  the  wom- 
an afraid  of  ?*• 

'^It  got  us  in  trouble  last  time,**  said  the  woman, 
turning  into  the  liouse ;  *^  I  woan*t  have  nothin*  to  say 
to  'un.** 

"  Most  extraordinary  thing  I  ever  met  with  in  my  life,* 
said  the  astonished  Mr.  Pickwick. 

«I  — I  — really  believe,**  whispered  Mr.  Winkle,  ai 


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THS  nCKWIfX  CLUB.  lOt 

his  friends  g^ered  round  him,  ^  that  thej  think  we  h«r* 
oome  by  this  horse  in  some  dishonest  manner." 

^^Whatl"  exclaimed  Mr.  Pickwick,  in  a  storm  of 
indignation.  Mr.  Winkle  modestly  repeated  his  sugges- 
tion. 

^  Hallo,  jou  fellow  I  **  said  the  angrj  Mr.  Pickwick* 
"  Do  you  think  we  stole  this  horse  ?  " 

^  Tm  sure  ye  did,**  replied  the  red-headed  man,  with 
a  grin  which  agitated  his  countenance  from  one  auricular 
organ  to  the  other*  Saying  which,  he  turned  into  the 
house,  and  banged  the  door  afler  him. 

'^It's  like  a  dream,"  —  ejaculated  Mr.  Pickwick,  ^a 
hideous  dream.  The  idea  of  a  man's  walking  about,  aO. 
day,  with  a  dreadful  horse  that  he  can't  get  rid  of!  ** 
The  depressed  Pickwickians  turned  moodily  away,  with 
the  tall  quadruped,  for  which  they  all  felt  the  most  unmit-. 
igated  disgust,  following  slowly  at  their  heels. 

It  was  late  in  the  afternoon  when  the  four  friends  and 
their  four-footed  companion,  turned  into  the  lane  leading 
to  Manor  Farm :  and  even  when  they  were  so  near  their, 
place  of  destination,  the  pleasure  they  would  otherwise, 
have  experienced,  was  materially  damped  as  they  re« 
fleeted  on  the  singularity  of  their  appearance,  and  the. 
absurdity  of  their  situation.  Tom  ck>thes,  lacerated 
fiices,  dusty  shoes,  exhausted  looks,  and,  above  all,  the 
horse.  Oh,  how  Mr.  Pickwick  cursed  that  horse:  ho 
had  eyed  the  noble  animal  from  time  to  time  with  looks 
expressive  of  hatred  and  revenge ;  more  tlian  once  he 
had  calculated  the  probable  amount  of  the  expense  he 
would  incur  by  cutting  his  throat ;  and  now  the  temptu* 
tion  to  destroy  him,  or  to  cast  lum  loose  upon  the  world, 
rushed  upon  his  mind  with  tenfold  force-  He  was  roused 
from  a  meditation  on  these  dire  imaginings^  by  the  sud« . 


Digitized  by  VjOOQIC 


tW  po&THmiotis  ^APJEies  6f 

tai  «^peM*aAcft  of  two  'figures,  at  a  turn  of  tbe  hue 
It  was  Mr.  Wapdle,  and  his  fkidifbl  aUeudant,  (he  fat 
boy. 

**Why,  where  hctve  you  been?"  Said  the  hospitable 
old  gentleman,  "Fve  been  wfuting  for  you  all  day. 
Well^  you  do  lock  tired.  What!  Scratches!  Not 
hurt  I  hope  —  eh?  Well,  I  am  glad  to  hear  that  — 
rerj.  So  you've  been  spilt,  eh  ?  Never  mind.  Com- 
iBOA  accidents  in  these  parts.  Joe  —  he's  asleep  i^ain  t 
-*-  Joe,  take  that  horse  fh)m  the  gentleman,  and  lead  it 
into  the  stable." 

•  The  fht  boy  sauntered  heavily  behind  tbem  with  th^ 
animal ;  and  the  old  gentleman  condolmg  with  his  guests 
in  homely  phrase,  on  so  much  of  the  day's  adventures  aa, 
they  thought  proper  to  communicate,  led  the  way  to  the 
khehen. 

*^  Well  have  you  pat  to  rights  here,**  said  the  old  gen- 
tleman, ^  and  then  FU  introduce  you  to  the  people  in  the 
pcrior.  Emma,  bring  out  the  cherry-brandy;  now,  Jane, 
a  needle  and  thread  here;  towels  and  water,  Mafy.  Oime, 
giris,  bustle  about" 

Three  or  four  buxom  girls  speedfly  dispensed  in  search 
of  the  different  articles  hi  requisition,  while  a  couple  of 
large-headed,  drcular-visaged  males  rose  fh>m  their  seats 
in  the  chimney-corner,  (for  aldiough  it  was  a  May  even- 
ing, their  attachment  to  the  wood  fire  appeared  as  cordial 
as  if  it  were  Christmas,)  and  dived  into  some  obscure 
recesses,  from  which  they  speedily  produced  a  bottle  of 
blacking,  and  some  half-doxen  brushes. 

^  Bustle,"  said  the  old  gentleman  again,  but  the  admo- 
nition was  quite  unnecessary,  for  one  of  the  girls  poured 
out  the  (Aeiry-braody,  and  another  brought  in  the  towels, 
and  ooi^  of  the  men  suddenly  setting  Mr.  Pickwick  by 


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"fHft  MCRWICK  CLtJB.  ill 

the  leg,  at  the  imminent  hazard  of  throwing  him  off  \\in 
bahmce,  brushed  away  at  his  boot,  till  his  corns  wei*e 
red-hot ;  while  the  other  shampooed  Mr.  Winkle  witli  a 
heavy  clothes-bmsh,  indulging,  during  the  operation,  m 
that  hissing  sound,  which  hostlers  are  wont  to  produce, 
when  engaged  in  rubbing  down  a  horse. 

Mr.  Snodgrassy  hating  isoneluded  his  ablutions,  took  a 
purvey  of  the  room,  while  standing  with  his  back  to  the 
G^  tUfpjp^  Ids  Gherry-brandy  widi  heartfelt  satlsfh^tion. 
He-dedcribes  it,  as  a  large  apartment,  with  a  red  brick 
floor,  and  a  capacious  chimney;  the  ceiling  garnished 
wMk  ham%  sides  <jf  bftcoft,  and  roped  of  onions.  The 
walls  were  deooraled  wi&  several  huntSng-whips,  two  or 
HHx^e  bfidles,  a  saddle  and  an  old  rusty  blunderbuss,  with 
an  inseriptioti  bekrw  It^  intknating  I9iat  Was  ^  Loaded^ — 
as  it  bad  been^  oh  ^  same  adthorfty,  ibr  half  a  century 
at  least*  An  old  eight^y  do^,  of  solemn  and  sedate 
demeanor,  ticked  gravely  in  one  comer  *,  and  a  silver 
watoh,  of  equal  antlqvrity,  dsngled  from  one  of  the  many 
hook9  whieh  omametvied  the  dresser. 

^  Ready  ?  "  said  the  old  gentleman  inqfdriiigfy,  when 
U»  goedts  had  been  washed,  mended,  brushed,  imd 
bnuidied. 

«  QtUt©,**  repHed  Mr.  Pickwick. 

**  dome  along  then,"  and  the  party  having  traver^ 
seveml  dark  passages,  and  being  joined  by  Mr.  7\]p- 
man,  who  had  Ungered  behind  to  snatch  a  kiss  from 
Emma,  fbr  which  he  had  been  duly  rewarded  with  sun* 
dry  pcishings  and  scratchings,  arrived  at  the  psrlor-door. 

**  Welcome,"  said  their  hospitable  host,  throwing  it 
open  and  stepping  fbrward  to  announce  them,  "Wel« 
dMne^  gentiemon^  to  Manor  Fann." 


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112  POSTHUMOUS  PAFEBa  OV 


CHAPTER  VL 

4K  OLD-FASHIONSD  OARD-PABTT — THS  OLBBOTKAX'ft 
TEBSSS  —  THS   STOBT  OF  THS  CONVICT'S  BBTUBN. 

SsYEiux  guests  who  were  assembled  in  the  old  par- 
lor, rose  to  greet  Mr,  Pickwick  and  his  friends  upon  dieir 
entrance ;  and  during  the  performaace  of  the  oeremonj 
of  introduction^  with  all  due  formalities,  Mr.  Pickwick 
had  leisure  to  observe  the  appearaoee,  and  speculate, 
upon  the  characters  and  pursmts,  of  the  persons  bj 
whom  he  was  surrounded  —  a  habit  in  which  he  in  com- 
mon with  many  other  great  men  delisted  to  indulge* 

A  very  old  lady,  in  a  lofVjr  cap  and  faded  silk  gown  — 
no  less  a  personage  than  Mr.  Wardle's  mother — occu- 
pied the  post  of  honor  on  the  right-hand  comer  of  the 
chimney-piece ;  and  various  certificates  of  her  having, 
been  brought  up  in  the  way  she  should  go  when  young, 
and  of  her  not  having  departed  from  it  when  old,  omar 
mented  the  walls,  in  the  form  of  samplers  of  ancient 
date,  worsted  landscapes  of  equal  antiquity,  and  crimson 
silk  teaketUe  holders  of  a  more  modem  period.  The 
aunt,  the  two  young  ladies,  and  Mr.  Wardle,  each  vying 
with  the  other  in  paying  zealous  and  unremitting  atten- 
tions to  the  old  lady,  crowded  round  her  easy  chair,  one 
holding  her  ear-trampet,  another  an  orangey  and  a  thinl 
a  smelling-bottle,  while  a  fourth  was  busily  engaged  in 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  118 

pitting  and  punching  the  pillowf?,  which  were  arranged 
Ibr  her  support  On  the  opposite  side,  sat  a  bald-headed 
old  gentleman,  with  a  good-humored  benevolent  fkce  — 
the  clergyman  of  Dingley  Dell ;  and  next  him  sat  his 
wife,  a  stout  blooming  old  ladj,  who  looked  as  if  Uie 
were  well  skilled,  not  only  in  the  art  and  mystery  of 
manufacturing  home-made  cordials  greatily  to  other  peO' 
pie's  satisfaction,  but  of  tasting  them  occasionally  verj 
much  to  her  own.  A  little  hard-headed,  Ripstone  pip- 
pm-&ced  man,  was  conversing  with  a  fkt  old  gentleman 
in  one  comer;  and  two  or  three  more  old  gentlemen, 
and  two  or  three  more  old  ladies,  sat  bolt-upright  and 
motionless  on  their  chairs,  staring  very  hard  at  Mb. 
Pickwick  and  his  fellow-voyagers. 

^  Mr.  Pickwkk,  mother,"  said  Mr.  Wardle,  at  the  very 
lop  of  his  voice. 

'^  Ah ! "  said  the  old  lady,  shaking  her  head  ;  **!  canH 
4iear  you." 

**  Mr.  Pickwick,  grandma  I*  screamed  both  the  young 
ladies  together. 

"Ah!"  exclaimed  the  old  lady.  "WeH;  it  don't 
much  matter.  He  don't  care  for  an  old  'ooman  like  me, 
I  dare  say." 

"  I  assure  yon,  ma'am,^  siud  Mr.  Pickwick,  grasping 
the  old  lady's  hand,  and  speaking  so  loud  that  the  exer* 
tion  imparted  a  crimson  hue  to  his  benevolent  counte- 
nance ;  **  I  assure  you,  ma'am,  ^at  nothing  delights  me 
more,  than  to  see  a  lady  of  your  time  of  fife  heading  so 
fine  a  fiunily,  and  looking  so  young  and  well.'' 

"Ah!"  said  the  old  lady,  after  a  short  pause;  "ifs 
^M  very  fine,  I  dare  say ;  but  I  can't  hear  him." 

"  Grandma's  rather  put  out  now,"  said  Miss  Isabella 
Wionlk,  in  a  low  tone;  '^but  shell  talk  to  you  presently." 


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iU  P08THUIIOU8  PAPEBS  t)F 

Mr.  Pickwick  nodded  bid  re^lirmas  to  ImniDr  the  i 
mities  of  age,  and  entered  iato  a  general  ooaYeraatioa 
vitb  the  odier  members  of  the  drde. 

''  Delightful  situation  this/'  said  Mr.  Pickwick. 

'<  Delightful  1 "  echoed  Messrs*  Snadgrass,  TapraaOy 
and  Winkle. 

"^  Well,  I  thiak  it  is,**  aaid  Mr.  Wardls. 

^  There  aVt  a  better  spot  o'  groond  m  all  Kent,  sii!,'' 
said  the  hard-headed  man  with  the  pippin  fiioe ;  *^  there 
aVt  indeed,  sir^-^Pm  sure  there  a'n't,  sir;"  and  &a 
hard-headed  man  looked  triumpkantlj  round,  as  if  ka 
had  been  very  much  oontradioted  bj  somebodj,  but  had 
got  th^  better  of  htm  at  last 

<<  There  a'n't  a  better  spot  o"  ground  hi  all  Kent,"  aaid 
the  hard-headed  man  agaia,  after  a  pause. 

^  'Cept  Mullins's  Meadows,**  observed  the  fiit  mao, 
wlwnaly. 

*^  Mullins's  Meadows !  **  ejaculated  the  othei',  with  pro^ 
fi>und  contempt 

^  Ah,  Mullins*s  Meadows,**  repeated  thfi  hi  man* 

^  Regular  good  land  that,**  interposed  another  fat  man. 

*^  And  so  it  is,  surety,**  said  a  third  fat  man. 

^  Everybody  knows  that,**  said  the  corpulent  host 

The  hard-beaded  man  looked  dubiously  vomid ;  but 
finding  himself  ia  a  miaority,  assumed  a  oompaaaionate 
air,  and  said  ao  more. 

''What  are  they  talking  idwut?"*  bqutrtd  the  oU 
lady  of  one  of  her  grand^daughters,  ia  a  very  audiUa 
voi?e ;  for,  like  many  deaf  people,  she  never  seemed  ta 
caif  ulate  on  the  possibiU^  of  otiier  peraons  heariag  what 
she  said  herselE 

**  About  the  land,  grandma.** 

""What  about  the  land?— NotUng  the  mattar,  ia  there?" 


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TES  FK^WK^  OMTa.  116 

^  Na»  no.  Mr»  MiUer  was  ei^ysBg  our  land  waa  beMor 
thskn  Mullins'e  MeiMiows.'' 

^'  How  should  he  know  anything  about  it  ?  "  inqtiiped 
the  old  lady  indignantly.  ^Miller'a  a  conceited  ooxr 
comb,  and  you  may  tell  buoa  I  said  bo."  Saying  which, 
the  old  lady,  quite  uneonaeiou9  that  she  hid  apokea 
above  a  whiaper,  drew  henelf  up,  and  looked  earying 
knives  at  the  hard<*headed  delia^^ioitt. 
,  <^  Com^  ofmfi,'*  said  the  buatling  host^  with  a  natural 
anxiety  to  change  the  conve/sation,  *->  **  What  oaj^  y«f 
to  a  rubber,  Mr.  Pickwick  ?  " 

"*  I  should  like  it  of  aQ  things,**  replied  that  gentle- 
man ;  "  but  pray  don't  make  up  one  on  my  aoeount*" 
.   **  Oh,  I  assure  you,  mothcor'af  very  fond  of  a  rubber," 
said  Mr.  Wardle  ;  "  a'n't  you,  mother  ?  " 

The  old  \s\4y3  viio  was  muoh  lees  deaf  on  this  subject 
than  on  any  other,  repMed  in  the  affirmative. 
.    ^'^o^  Joe,"  said  the  M  geiatleman^-^"  Joe -'--damn 
that  —  oh,  here  he  is !     Put  out  the  card-tables." 

Th^  l^thar^o  youth  eontrived  withoat  any  additional 
rousing,  to  set  out  two  card-tables;  the  one  for  Pop^ 
^oan,  and  ^he  other  for  whiat.  The  i^hist-player*  were, 
Mr.  Pickwick  and  the  old  lady ;  Mr.  Miller  and  the  fi|t 
gentleman.  Tbe  round  game  ooitiprised  the  i^t  of  the 
compai^. 

The  rubber  was  oooduoted  with  ail  tha^  gravity  of 
dvi^oftmmt,  and  sedateoe^  of  deo»eanpr^  which  befit  the 
pursuit  entitled  ^  whist  **  —  a  solemn  observanoe*  to 
whieb»  sa  it  appears  to  us,  the  title  of  *'  g»me  "  haa  been 
very  irreverently  and  ignominious^  applied.  The  roun^- 
game  table,  on  the  otlier  hand»  was  so  boisterously  merry^ 
as  materially  to  interrupt  the  contemplations  of  Mr.  Mil- 
ter, who,  not  being  quite  90  Jiiuch  absorbed  as  he  oi^ht  to 

VOL.  L  » 


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116  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

liaye  been,  contrived  to  eomnnt  various  high  crimes  and 
misdemeanors,  which  excited  the  wrath  of  the  fat  gentle- 
man to  a  very  great  extent,  and  called  forth  the  good- 
fanmcHr  of  Uie  old  lady  in  a  proportionate  degree. 

^  There !  '*  said  the  criminal  Miller  trinmphantlj,  as 
be  took  up  the  odd  trick  at  the  conclusion  of  a  hand ; 
^  tliat  could  not  have  been  played  better,  I  flatter  myself; 
—  impossible  to  have  made  another  trick  I " 

^  Miller  ought  to  have  trumped  the  diamond,  oughtn't 
fae^.  sir?  "  said  the  t^d  lady. 

Mr.  Pickwick  nodded  assent. 

^ Ought  I,  though?"  said  the  unfortunate,  with  a 
doubdbl  appeal  to  his  partner. 

^  You  ought,  sir,**  said  the  fat  gentleman  in  an  aw^ul 
voice. 

^  Very  sorry,"  said  the  crest-fallen  Millar. 

^  Much  use  that,"  growled  the  &t  gentleman. 

^Two  by  homwB  makes  us  eight,"  said  Mr.  Pick- 
wick. 

Another  hand.  ^  Oan  you  one  ? "  inquired  the  old 
lady. 

^  I  can,"  replied  Mr.  Pickwick.  ^  Double,  single,  and 
the  rub." 

^  Never  was  such  luck,"  said  Mr.  Miller. 

^  Never  was  such  cards,"  said  the  hi  gentleman. 

A  solenm  silence:  Mr.  Pickwick  humorous,  the  old 
lady  serious,  the  fat  genUeman  captions,  and  Mr.  Mrller 
timorous. 

^Another  double,"  said  the  old  lady:  trium[»hantly 
making  a  memorandum  of  the  circumstance,  by  placing 
one  sixpence  and  a  battered  half-penny  under  the  candle* 
■tide. 

^  A  double,  sir,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick. 


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THB  PICKWICK  CLUB.  117 

^QuHe  ftWttre  ef  the  faet^  sir,"  replied  the  &t  gentle-, 
ouui)  sharpl J. 

Another  game,  with  a  siinilar  result,  was  followed  bj  a 
rcYoke  from  the  unluckj  Miller ;  on  which  the  fat  gentle- 
man burst  into  a  state  of  high  personal  excitement  which 
lasted  until  the  conclusicm  of  the  game,  when  he  retired 
into  a  comer,  and  remained  perfectly  mute  for  one  hour 
and  twentj-eeven  minutes ;  at  the  end  of  which  time  he 
emerged  from  his  retirement,  and  offered  Mr.  Pickwick 
a  puich  of  snuff  with  the  air  of  a  man  who  has  madie  up 
his  mind  to  a  Christian  forgiveness  of  injuries  sustained. 
The  old  lady's  hearing  decided^  in^roved,  and  the  un- 
ludcy  Miller  felt  as  much  out  of  his  element  as  a  dol- 
phin in  a  sentiy-box. 

Meanwhile  the  round  game  proceeded  right  merrily. 
Isabella  Wardle  and  Mr.  Tnndle  ^  went  partners,"  and 
Emily  Wardle  and  Mr.  Snodgrass  did  the  same;  and 
even  Mr.  Tupman  and  the  ^inster  aqnt  established  a 
jointrstock  company  of  fish  and  flattery.  Old  Mr.  War- 
dle was  in  ihe  veiy  height  of  his  jollity ;  and  he  was  so 
funny  in  his  management  of  the  board,  and  the  old  ladies 
were  §q  sharp  afier  their  winnrngs,  that  the  whole  table 
was  in  a  perpetual  roar  of  merriment  and  laughter. 
There  was  one  old  lady  who  always  had  about  half  a 
docen  cards  to  pay  for,  at  which  everybody  laughed,  reg- 
ularly every  round ;  and  when  the  old  lady  looked  cross 
at  havii^  to  pay,  they  laughed  louder  than  ever;  on 
which  the  old  lady's  &oe  gradually  brightened  up,  till  at 
last  she  laughed  louder  than  any  of  them.  Then,  when 
(he  spinster  aunt  got  ^matrimony,"  the  young  ladiea 
laughed  afresh,  and  the  spinster  aunt  seemed  disposed 
to  be  pettish;  tiU,  feeling  Mr.  Tupman  squeezing  her 
.  under  the  tabl%  she  brightened  up  too,  and  looked 


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fl8  POdTHmcOlto  I^APEE6  OF 

radier  kuovvfvig,  as  if  matrimottjrui  tefAHfm4S/m  not  <|ifft8 
BO  far  ofT  as  some  people  thought  for ;  whereupon  evtty*' 
bbdj  knghed  again,  and  especially  old  Mr.  Wardle,  who 
enjoyed  a  joke  as  mnch  bs  the  youngest  As  to  Mr.  Snod* 
grass,  he  did  nothing  hnt  whisper  poetical  sentiments  into 
his  partner's  ear,  whidi  made  one  old  gentleman  fiiee* 
tiously  sly,  abont  partnerships  at  cards,  and  partnerriiips 
for  life,  a^  caused  the  aforesaid  old  gentleman  to  make 
some  remarks  thereupon,  aooompanied  with  divers  wfnks 
and  chuckles,  which  made  the  company  very  merry,  and 
the  old  gendeman'fl  wifb  especially  so.  And  Mr.  Winkle 
c&me  out  with  jokes  which  are  very  well  known  in  town, 
btit  are  not  at  all  known  in  the  coun^  i  and  as  every* 
body  laughed  at  them  very  heardly,  and  said  they  were 
very  capital,  Mr.  Winkle  was  m  a  state  of  great  honorand 
glory.  And  the  benevolent  clergytnan  looked  pleasantly 
on ;  for  the  happy  feces  which  surrounded  the  table 
made  the  good  old  man  fbel  happy  too;  and  thongh 
the  merriment  was  rather  boisterous,  still  it  ctme  from. 
the  heart  and  not  from  the  lips :  and  this  is  the  right  sort 
of  merriment,  after  aU. 

The  evening  glided  swiftly  away,  in  these  cheerfbl 
recreations;  and  when  the  substantial  though  homely 
supper  had  been  despatched,  and  the  little  party  fomied 
a  social  circle  round  the  fire,  Mr.  Pickwick  thought  he 
had  never  felt  so  happy  in  his  life,  and  at  no  thne  so 
much  disposed  to  enjoy,  and  make  the  most  of,  the  pass* 
ing  moments.  *^  Now  this,**  said  the  hospitable  host^  wh* 
was  sitting  in  great  state  next  the  old  lady's  arm-chaiis 
with  her  hand  fast  clasped  in  his — "This  is  ju?t  what 
I  like  —  the  happiest  moments  of  my  life  have  been 
passed  at  this  old  fireside :  and  I  am  so  attached  to  it, 
that  I  keep  up  a  blazing  fire  here  eveiy  evening,  until  4t' 


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TS£  PKKWXSC  cum  119 

actually  grows  too  hot  to  bear  it.  Whj,  my  poor  old 
mother,  here,  used  to  sit  btfore  this  fireplace  upon 
that  little  stool,  when  she  was  a  girl — didn't  you, 
mother?" 

The  tear  wloeli  sterte  cmbidden  to  the  eye  when  the 
recollection  of  old  times  and  the  happhiess  of  many  years 
ago,  is  suddenly  recalled,  stole  down  the  old  lady's  face, 
as  she  sbook  her  head  with  a  naelancholy  smile. 

^  You  must  excuse  my  talking  about  ^lis  old  place, 
Mr.  Pickwick,"  resumed  the  host,  after  a  short  pause  -^ 
''for  I  love  it  dearly,  and  know  no  other  —  the  old  houses 
and  fields  seem  like  living  firiends  to  me  t  and  so  does 
oar  little  church  with  the  ivy,  —  about  which,  by-the-by, 
our  excellent  fiiend  there,  made  a  song  when  he  first 
came  amongst  us.  Mr.  Sno^^rass,  have  yon  «iything  in 
your  glass  ?  " 

^Plenty,  thank  you,"  replied  that  gentleman,  whose 
poetic  cuTionly  had  beaa  greasy  exetted  by  the  last  ob« 
servations  of  his  entertainer.  "'  I  beg  your  pardon,  but 
you  were  talking  about  the  song  of  the  Ivy»" 

^  You  must  ask  oar  firiend  opposite  about  that,"  said 
the  host  knowingly :  hidicadng  the  clergytnan  by  a  nod 
of  his  head. 

^May  I  say  that  I  should  like  to  hear  you  repeat  it, 
sir?"  said  Mr.  Snodgrtm. 

''Why,  really,"  replied  the  clergyman,  *it's  a  very 
slight  afiair ;  ai»d  the  o»ly  excuse  I  h^ive  for  having  ever 
perpetrated  it  is,  that  1  was  a  young  man  at  the  time. 
ftooh  as  tt  is,  however,  yo«  shall  hear  it  if  you  wbh." 

A  murmur  of  curiosity  was  of  course  the  reply ;  and 
^  old  gentleman  proceeded  to  reeite,  with  the  aid  i)f 
MunAcy  pran^ings  from  his  wife,  the  lines  in  qwestHMi' 


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I -JO  POSTHUMOUS  PAFISS  OF 


TBOE  lYY  GBSEN. 

Oh,  m  dainty  pUnt  is  the  Ivy  green, 

That  creepeth  o*er  ruins  old  I 

Of  right  choice  ftmd  are  his  mmik  I  ween, 

In  his  cell  so  lone  and  cold. 

The  wail  must  l>e  crumbled,  the  stone  decayed, 

To  pleasure  his  dainty  whim: 

And  the  mouldering  dost  that  yean  have  nadA, 

Is  a  merry  meal  for  him. 

Creeping  where  no  life  is  seen, 
A  rare  old  plant  is  the  Ivy  green. 

Fwt  he  Btealeth  on,  though  he  wears  no  wings, 

And  a  staunch  old  heart  has  he. 

How  closely  he  twineth,  how  tight  he  dings. 

To  his  friend  the  huge  Oak  Tree  I 

And  slyly  he  traileth  along  the  ground, 

And  his  leaves  he  gently  waves. 

As  he  joyously  hugs  and  crawleth  round 

The  rich  monld  of  dead  men*s  graves. 

Creeping  wkere  gifan  death  has  beoi, 
A  rare  old  plant  la  the  Ivy  green. 

Whole  ages  have  fled  and  their  works  decajreft 

And  nations  have  scattered  been; 

But  the  stout  old  Ivy  shall  never  fkde, 

From  its  hale  and  hearty  green. 

The  brave  old  plant  in  its  lonely  days. 

Shall  fatten  upon  the  past: 

For  the  stateliest  building  man  can  raise, 

It  the  Ivy*s  food  at  last. 

Creeping  on,  where  time  has  been, 
A  rare  old  plant  is  tiie  Ivy  green. 

While  the  old  gentleman  repeated  these  lines  a  second 
time,  to  enable  Mr.  Snodgrass  to  note  them  down,  Mr 
Pickwick  perused  the  lineaments  of  his  face  with  an  ex- 
pression of  great  interest  The  old  gentkman  having 
conduded    Ms    dictation,  and   Mr.  .Snodgrass    having 


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THE  PICKWICi:  CLUB.  .    J2J 

returned  his  note-book  to  hia  pockety  Mr.  Pickwkk 
said: 

^  Excuse  me,  sir,  Ibr  making  &e  remark  on  fio  ahort 
an  acquaintance ;  but  a  gentleman  like  jouraelf  cannot 
fail,  I  should  think,  to  have  observed  many  scenes  and 
bcidents  worth  recording,  in  the  course  of  your  experi- 
ence as  a  minister  of  the  Go^l.'' 

'^I  have  witnessed  some,  certainlj,"  replied  the  old 
gentleman ;  '^  but  the  incidents  and  characters  kave  been 
0f  a  homety  and  ordinarj  nature,  mj  sphere  of  action  be- 
ing 80  very  limited." 

^You  did  make  some  notes,  I  think,  about  John 
Edmunds,  did  jou  not  ?  "  inquired  Mr.  Wa>dle,  who  ap* 
peared  desirous  to  draw  his  firiend  out,  fer  the  edification 
of  his  new  visitors. 

Hie  old  gentleman  slighdy  nodded  his  head  in  token 
of  assent,  and  was  proceeding  to  change  the  subject, 
when  Mr.  Picdnprick  said : 

^  I  beg  your  pardon,  sir ;  but  pray,  if  I  may  venture 
to  inquire,  who  was  John  Edmunds  ?  " 

^  The  very  thing  I  was  about  to  ask,"  said  Bir.  Snod- 
grasB,  eagerfy.      " 

'^  Yon  areftdrly  in  for  it,"  said  the  joUy  host.  <^  Yoift 
must  satisfy  the  curiosi^  of  ^ese  gentlemen,  sooner  or* 
later ;  so  you  had  better  take  advantage  of  tliis  &.vorar 
ble  opportunity,  and  do  so  at  once." 

Hie  old  gentleman  smiled  good*humoredly  as  he  drew 
his  chair  forward ;  the  remainder  of  the  party  drew  their 
diafrs  closer  together,  especially  Mi^.  Tupman  and  the 
ipinster  aunt,  who  were  possibly  rather  hard  of  hearing 
ttd  the  old  lady's  ear-trumpet  having  been  duly  ac^usliedy 
and  Mr.  Miller  {who  had  fallen  asleep  during  the  recital 
of  the  verses)  nmaed  itom  his  slumbers  by  an  admoni* 


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1 22  POBTHUnOUS  FAPEIfi  OP 

torj  pbchy  ndnilBiBteoed  beaeatii  the  table  by  Iua  ex* 
partner  the  solemn  fat  man,  the  old  gentleman,  witliout 
Amlier  ppefa«e>  oommAoed  ihe  folloifrbig  tale,  to  which 
!«« take  Ihe  liberty  of  preftdDg  tihe  dtle  of 


THE  CONVICT'S  RETUBH. 

^  When  Ifirst  settled  in  thisTilkge/'  Mid  the  old  geiK 
tteman)  ^  whidi  is  now  jvst  fiveittid^iw^ttl^  yeacs  sgpf 
the  most  notorious  person  among  my  {MirishionerB  was  a 
man  of  the  name  of  Edramids,  who  lelised  a  smaU  farm 
nen*  this  spot  He  was  a  morose,  aavage^ieaited,  bad 
man:  idle  and  dissolute  in  his  hafails;  <arudl  and  fero^ 
cious  in  his  disposition.  Beyond  the  few  la^j  a^  reck^ 
less  inagabonds  with  whom  he  sattntered  awajr  his  t}me 
in  the  fields,  or  sotted  in  the  ale^hoofle,  he  had  not  a 
single  friend  or  acquaintance ;  no  one  tmred  to  $pe$dc  to 
die  man  whom  thanj-  feaared,  and  ererj  one  deteelted  — 
and  Edmunds  was  shunned  by  dU« 

^  This  man  had  a  wife  and  one  s6n,  who,  when  I  first 
came  here,  was  about  twelve  years  old.  Of  ^  aeule- 
leet  Df  that  woman^s  stiffi»*ihgs,  of  ihe  ^&n4h  and  en- 
during manner  in  whi<di  she  bore  iheni,  of  the  agoay 
of  sdittitade  widi  whM^  the  reared  that  boy,  no^ne  oan 
form  an  adequate  concep4ion«  H^ten  fbrgiye  me  the 
supposition,  if  it  be  an  onehjaritable  one,  but  I  do  firmly 
ai^  in  my  scnl  believe,  that  tho  man  systematie^y  'Uied 
fyt  many  years  to  break  her  heart ;  but  she  bore  it  aU 
for  h^  child's  sake,  and,  however  strange  it  may  seem 
to  many,  for  his  father'e  too ;  for  brute  as  he  was  and 
ctntetty  as  he  had  treated  her,  she  had  feved  him  ftniyb* 
and  the  x)eeollectk)ii  of  what  he  had  hew  to  her^  awakt 


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"  ta*  PKtiWvyiL  CLtTB.  123 

tfig  in  faer  bosomci,  to  irKich  lA  God^  creattiireft,  btrt 

*  They  were  poor  *— they  tionM  not  be  oflierwlse  wheti 
the  wui  pardued  mc^  eourdes ;  Imt  tiie  wonuufs  tmeeasr* 
hig  imd  unweaaied  exertionB,  early  imd  late,  morning, 
noaft,  and  night,  kept  tkem  abore  actual  trant.  Those 
exertfons  were  bat  ifl  repaid.  People  who  passed  the 
flpot  fn  the  erening^—i-sometlnies  at  a  late  honr  of  the 
fUght  — reported  that  they  had  heard  the  moans  and 
M^bs  of  a  woman  m  distress,  and  the  sonnd  of  blows  t 
and  more  than  once,  when  it  was  past  midnight,  the  boy 
knocked  softly  at  the  door  of  a  neighbor's  house,  whither 
he  had  been  sent,  to  escape  the  drunken  fury  of  his  un*- 
natural  flrther. 

**  Dmring  the  whole  of  this  time,  and  when  the  poor 
ereatare  often  bore  al>odt  her  marks  of  91-usage  and 
rkfienae  whidi  she  could  not  wholly  conceal,  she  was  a 
constant  attendant  at  our  little  church.  Regularly  erery 
Sunday,  morning  and  afternoon,  she  occupied  the  same 
scat  with  the  boy  at  her  sWe ;  and  though  lfhey  were 
both  poorly  dressed  —  nmch  more  so  than  many  of  their 
neighbors  who  were  hi  a  fewer  station  —  they  were  al^ 
ways  neat  and  clean.  Every  one  had  a  IHendTy  nod 
and  a  kind  word  Ibr  'poor  Mrs.  Bdmunds  ;*  and  some- 
liimes,  when  she  stopped  to  ext^ange  a  f&w  words  with 
a  neighbor  at  the  oonchisAon  of  the  service,  in  the  llttlo 
row  of  ehn-trees  wlndi  leads  to  Ae  church-pOrch,  or 
lingeted  behind  to  gaze  with  a  raother^s  pride  and  fond- 
ness upon  her  healthy  boy,  as  he  sported  bofbre  her  with 
fCftttt  little  companions,  her  care-worn  face  would  Tighten 
up  wWi  an  expression  of  heartfelt  gratitude ;  and  ?^he 
would  took,  ff  not  cheerful  and  happy,  at  least  tranquH 
and  contented. 

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124  POSTHUMOUS  FAFEBB  OF 

^  Five  or  six  years  passed ;  the  boj  had  become  a  ro- 
bust and  welL-grcmn  youth.  The  time  that  had  strength- 
ened the  child's  slight  frame  and  knit  his  weak  limbs 
into  the  strength  of  manhood,  had  bowed  his  mother's 
form,  and  enfeebled  her  steps ;  but  the  arm  that  shouU 
hare  supported  her  was  no  longer  locked  in  hers;  the 
face  that  should  have  cheered  her,  no  more  looked  upon 
her  own.  She  occupied  her  old  seat,  but  there  was  a 
vacant  one  beside  her.  The  Bible  was  kept  as  carefully 
as  ever,  the  places  were  found  and  folded  down  as  th^ 
used  to  be ;  but  there  was  no  one  to  read  it  with  her ; 
and  the  tears  fell  thick  and  £Eist  upon  the  book,  and 
blotted  the  words  from  her  ejea^  Neighbors  were  as 
kind  as  they  were  wont  to  be  of  old,  but  she  shunned 
their  greetings  with  averted  head.  There  waa  no  lin- 
gering among  the  old  elm-trees  now  —  no  cheering 
anticipations  of  happiness  yet  in  store*  The  desolate 
woman  drew  her  bonnet  closer  over  her  facei,  and 
walked  hurriedly  away. 

**  Shall  I  tell  you,  that  the  young  man,  who,  looking 
back  to  the  earUest  of  his  childhood's  days  to  which 
memory  and  consciousness  extended,  and  carrying  hia 
recollectbn  down  to  that  moment,  could  remember  noth- 
ing which  was  not  in  some  wv^y  connect^  with  a  long 
series  of  voluntary  privations  suffered  by  hia  mother 
tar  his  sake,  with  ill-usage,  and  insult,  and  violence,  and 
all  endured  for  him ;  *-  shall  I  tell  you,  that  he,  with  a 
reckless  disregard  of  her  breaking  heart,  and  a  sullen 
wilful  forgetfulness  of  all  she  had  done  and  borne  for 
him,  had  linked  himself  with  depraved  and  abandoned 
men,  and  was  madly  pursuing  a  headlong  career,  which 
must  bring  death  to  him,  and  shame  to  her  ?  Alas  foi 
human  nature !     You  have  anticipated  it  long  since. 


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THB  MGKWtOK  CLUB.  125 

''The  measure  of  the  unhappy  woman's  misery  and 
misfbrtune  was  about  to  be  completed.  Numerous  of- 
fences had  been  committed  in  the  neighborhood;  the 
perpetrators  remained  undiscovered,  and  their  boldness 
increased.  A  robbery  of  a  daring  and  aggravated  na- 
ture occasioned  a  vigilance  of  pursuit,  and  a  strictness 
of  search,  they  had  not  calculated  on.  Young  Edmunds 
was  suspected  with  three  companions.  He  was  appre- 
hended —  committed  —  tried  —  condemned  —  to  die. 

**  The  wild  and  piercing  shriek  from  a  woman's  voice, 
which  resounded  through  the  court  when  the  solemn 
sentence  was  pronounced,  rings  in  my  ears  at  this  mo- 
ment That  cry  struck  a  terror  to  the  culprit's  heart, 
whidi  trial,  condemnation  —  the  approadi  of  death  it- 
self, had  failed  to  awaken.  The  Hps  which  had  been 
compressed  in  dogged  sullenness  throughout,  quivered 
and  parted  involuntarily;  ibe  fWce  turned  ashy  pale  as 
the  cold  perspiradon  broke  £»rth  fnm  every  pore ;  the 
sturdy  Hmbs  of  tiie  fekm  trembled,  and  he  staggered  in 
the  dock. 

''In  the  first  transports  of  her  mental  anguish^  the 
suffering  mother  threw  herself  upon  her  knees  at  my 
feet,  and  fervently  besought  the  Almighty  Being  who 
had  hitherto  supported  her  in  all  her  troubles,  to  release 
her  from  a  world  of  woe  and  misery,  and  to  spare  the 
life  of  her  only  child.  A  burst  of  grief,  and  a  violent 
struggle,  such  as  I  hope  I  may  never  have  to  witness 
again,  succeeded.  I  knew  that  her  heart  was  breaking 
from  that  hour ;  but  I  never  once  heard  complaint  or 
murmur  escape  her  lips. 

^  It  was  a  piteous  spectacle  to  see  that  woman  in  the 
prison-yard  fVxjm  day  to  day,  eageriy  and  fervently  at- 
tempting, by  affection  and  entreaty,  to  sofWn  the  hard 


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126  PO8TBUMOU0  l*AFE»S  OF 

bwH  of  lier  obdufaie  don.  It  wfie  in  Tain.  Be  re- 
maiiaed  moody,  obstoiatfty  am)  immovQ4*  Not  eyen  tJae 
imlooi(«d<for  oonunutatioo  of  }m  eeateaee  to  tmnBporta- 
tioa  for  fourteeu^  yearsi  aofteood  for  an  instant  tbe  aulkp 
hardihood  of  hi$  demeaoor. 

"  But,  tlie  spirit  of  resignation  and  endtuanoe  that 
had  so  long  upheld  her,  was  unable  to  contend  against 
bodily  Y^eakoess  and  infirmity.  SJie  fell  sick*  She 
draped  her  tottering  limbs  from  the  bed  to  visit  her 
son  oiice  saoie,  but  her  strength  fiuled  her,  and  ahe  sank 
powerless  on  the  ground. 

^  And  aow,  the  boa^ted  ooldneas  and  inference  of 
the  young  man  were  tested  indeed  s  and  the  netribution 
that  fell  heavily  upon  him,  nearj^  diove  bim  mad.  A 
day  passed  away  aod  his  motiheer  wa&  «ot  there)  another 
flew  by,  and  she  came  not  near  him}  a  thfrd  evening 
arrived^  and  yet  he  had  not  seen  hens  and  tn  fi>ur-and- 
twenty  bours>  he  was  to  be  separated  from  her --r  per- 
haps forever.  Oh  I  how  the  loog^foigptten  iJhovghts  of 
former  days  rushed  upon  his  mind,  as  he  almost  mn  op 
and  down  the  narrow  yard  —  as  if  intsUigeiiee  would 
arrive  the  sooner  for  his  hurrying**- and  how  bitliarly 
a  sense  of  bia  helplessiaess  and  desohition  n^bed  upon 
him,  when  he  heard  the  truth !  His  motixer>  the  only 
parent  he  had  ever  known,  lay  ill  —  it  might  be,  dyix^ 
'— •  within  one  mile  of  the  gronnd  he  stood  on ;  were  he 
free  and  unfett^^  a  few  minutes  would  i^ace  him  by 
her  side.  He  rushed  to  tlie  gate,  and  grasping  tlie  iron 
rails  with  the  energy  of  desperation,  shook  it  till  it  rang 
again,  and  threw  himself  against  the  thick  wall  as  if  to 
force  a  passage  through  the  stone ;  but  the  sUt>ng  l>ttild- 
ing  mocked  his  feeble  efforts,  and  he  beat  bis  bauds 
tO!0etiM^  apd  wept  like,  a  cUijkL 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  127 

**  I  bore  the  mother's  forgiveness  and  blessing  to  her 
son  in  prison ;  and  I  carried  his  solemn  assurance  of 
repentance,  and  his  fervent  supplication  for  pardon,  to 
her  sick  bed.  I  heard,  with  pity  and  compassion,  the 
repentant  man  devise  a  thousand  little  plans  for  hor 
comfort  and  support,  when  he  returned ;  but  I  knew 
that  many  months  before  he  could  reach  his  place  of 
destination,  his  mother  would  be  no  longer  of  this 
world. 

"He  was  removed  by  night  A  few  weeks  after- 
wards the  poor  woman's  soul  took  its  flight,  I  confidently 
hope,  and  solemnly  believe,  to  a  place  of  eternal  happi- 
ness and  rest  I  performed  the  burial  service  over  her 
renuuns.  She  lies  in  our  little  church-yard.  There  is 
no  stone  at  her  grave's  head.  Her  sorrows  were  known 
to  man ;  her  virtues  to  God. 

"It  had  been  arranged  previously  to  the  convict's 
departure,  that  he  should  writ^  to  his  mother  so  soon  as 
he  could  obt^n  permission,  and  that  the  letter  should  be 
addressed  to  me.  The  father  had  positively  refused  to 
see  his  son  from  the  moment  of  his  apprehension ;  and 
it  was  a  matter  of  indifference  to  him  whether  he  lived 
or  died.  Many  years  passed  over  without  any  intelli- 
gence of  him ;  and  when  more  than  half  his  term  of 
transportation  had  expired,  and  I  had  received  no  letter, 
I  concluded  him  to  be  dead,  as,  indeed,  I  almost  hoped 
he  might  be. 

"Edmunds,  however,  had  been  sent  a  considerable 
distance  up  the  country  on  his  arrival  at  the  settlement ; 
and  to  this  circumstance,  perhaps,  may  be  attributed  the 
fact,  that  though  several  lettei*s  were  despatched,  none 
of  them  ever  reached  my  liand*^.  He  remained  in  the 
same  place  during  the  whole  fourteen   years.     At  the 


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128  POSTHimOUS  PAPERS   OF 

expiration  of  the  term,  steadily  adhering  to  hts  old 
resolution  and  the  pledge  he  gave  his  mother,  he  made 
bis  way  back  to  England  amidst  innumerable  diflSculties, 
and  returned,  on  foot,  to  his  native  plaoe, 

"  On  a  fine  Sunday  evening,  in  the  month  of  Angusty 
John  Edmunds  set  foot  in  the  village  he  had  left  with 
ehame  and  disgrace  seventeen  years  before.  His  near- 
est way  lay  through  the  church-yard.  The  man's  heart 
swelled  as  he  crossed  the  stile.  The  tall  old  elms, 
through  whose  branches  the  declining  sim  cast  here  and 
there  a  rich  ray  of  light  upon  the  shady  path,  awakened 
the  associations  of  his  earliest  days.  He  pictured  him- 
self as  he  was  then,  clinging  to  his  mother's  hand,  and 
w^ing  peacefully  to  church.  He  remembered  how  he 
used  to  look  up  into  her  pale  face ;  and  how  her  eyes 
would  sometimes  fill  with  tears  as  she  gazed  upon  his 
features  ^  tears  which  feU  hot  upon  his  forehead  as  she 
stooped  to  kiss  him,  and  made  him  weep  too,  although 
he  little  knew  then  what  bitter  tears  hers  were.  He 
thought  how  often  he  had  run  merrily  down  that  paUi 
with  some  childish  playfellow,  looking  back,  ever  and 
again,  to  catch  his  mother's  smile,  or  hear  her  gentle 
voice ;  and  then  a  veil  seemed  lifted  from  his  memory, 
and  words  of  kindness  unrequited,  and  warnings  de- 
spised, and  promises  broken,  thronged  upon  his  recol- 
lection till  his  heart  failed  him,  and  he  could  bear  it 
no  longer. 

"  He  entered  the  church.  The  evening  service  was 
concluded,  and  the  congregation  had  dispersed,  but  it 
was  not  yet  closed.  His  steps  echoed  <  through  the  low 
building  with  a  hollow  sound,  and  he  almost  feared  to 
be  alone,  it  was  so  still  and  quiet.  He  looked  round 
him.    Nothing  was  chftnged.    The  place  yarned  smaller 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLHB.  ISffr' 

thftn  it  iised  to  be,  biit  &m  were  t&e  old  meiramenti 
on  whidi  he  liad  giuwd  witii  ehitdish  ftire  m  tbonswid 
tinker;  the  fittte  polpit with  iti  Isided  eaBhkm;  the  Com- 
mtmioiHxible  before  whieh  he  htd  so  dhexk  repeated  the 
OomlmiodideRts  he  had  ireirereitced  as  a  child,  and  ibr- 
gottKii  a«  a  man.  He  approaehed  the  old  Beat;  it  looked 
cold  and  desolate,  l^e  cnsMonhad  been  remored,  and 
the  Bible  was  not  there.  Perhaps  his  mother  now  oO' 
copied  «  poorer  seat,  or  possibly  she  had  grown  infirm 
and  coaM  not  reach  the  chnrch  alone.  He  dared  not 
think  of  whet  he  feared.  A  cold  feeling  crept  over 
him,  and  he  trembled  violently  as  he  turned  awaj. 

^  An  old  man  entered  the  porch  jnst  as  he  reached 
it.  EdmwNl A  started  back,  for  he  knew  him  well ;  many 
a  time  he  had  watched  him  digging  graves  in  the  charch- 
yard.    Wimt  would  he  say  to  the  returned  convict  ? 

^  The  old  man  raised  his  eyes  to  the  stranger's  fiiee, 
Wd  him  ^  Good^evening,'  and  walked  slowly  on.  He  had 
forgotten  him. 

**  He  walked  down  the  hiU,  and  through  the  village. 
The  weather  was  warm,  and  the  people  were  sitth^  at 
atmr  doors,  or  stx^Uing  in  thdr  little  gardens,  as  he 
passed,  enjoying  tfie  serenity  of  the  evening,  and  tl^hr 
rest  firam  labor.  Many  a  \o€k  was  turned  towards  him, 
and  many  a  doubtful  glance  he  caM  on  either  sidiB,  to 
4ee  whether  any  knew  and  diunned  him.  There  wero 
strange  fhoes  in  ahnost  every  house ;  in  some  Im  reeog> 
olsed  the  burly  form  of  some  old  sehoc^-feHow — A  b^ 
when  he  last  saw  him  —  surroimded  by  a  troop  of  meti^ 
childrein ;  in  others  he  siaw,  seated  in  an  easy^ehair  at  a 
cottage-door,  a  feeble  and  infirm  old  man,  wlH)m  he  only 
remembered  aa  a  hale  and  hearty  laborer ;  but  Ihey  hari 
afl  forgotten  him,  and  he  passed  on  unkaaws. 


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130-  POSTHITMOITS  PAPERS  OF 

«The  laat  soft  light  of  the  aetting  son  hAd  fhlien  on 
the  earth)  casting  a  rich,  glow  on  the  jeUow  com  riieavesi 
and  lengthening  the  shadows  of  the  orchard  trees,  as  he 
stood  before  the  M  hoqse — the  home  of  his  infimcj— <- 
to  which  his  heart  had  yearned  with  aa  iatensi^  of  af- 
fection not  to  be  described,  through  long  and  weary  years 
of  captivity  and  sorrow.  The  palkig  was  low,  thou^ 
he  well  remembered  the  time  when  it  had  seemed  a  high 
wall  to  him :  and  he  looked  over  into  the  old  garden* 
There  were  more  seeds  and  gayer  flowers  than  there 
used  to  be,  but  there  were  the  old  trees  still  —  the  very 
tree  under  which  he  had  lain  a  thousand  times  when 
tired  of  playing  in  the  sun,  and .  felt  the  mA  mild  sleep 
of  happy  boyhood  steal  gently  upon  him.  Th^re  were 
voices  within  the  bouse.  He  listened,  but  they  fell 
strangely  upon  his  ear ;  he  knew  them  not.  They  were 
merry  too ;  and  he  well  knew  that  his  poor  old  mother 
could  not  be  cheerful,  and  he  away.  The  door  opened, 
and  a  group  of  little  children  bounded  out,  shouting  and 
romping.  The  father,  with  a  little  boy  in  his  arms, 
appeajred  at  the  door,  and  they  crowded  round  him, 
clapping  their  tiny  hands,  and  dragging  him  out,  to 
join  their  joyous  sports.  The  oonvict  thought  .oii  the 
many  times  he  had  shrunk  from  his  father's  sight  in 
that  very  place.  He  remembered,  how  often  he  had 
buried  his  trembling  head  beneath  the  bed-dothes,  and 
heard  the  harsh  word,  and  the  hard  styipe,  and  his 
mother's  wailing  s  and  diough  the  man  sobbed  aloud 
witli  agony  of  mind  as  he  left  the  spot,  his  fist  was 
clenclied,  and  his  teeth  were  set,  in  fierce  and  deadly 
passion. 

''And  such  was  the  return  to  whidi  he  had  looked 
through  the  weary  perspective  of  many  years,  and  for 


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XHS  PKJKWICK  CLUB.  131 

which  he  had  ondergone  so  moeh  Bofferipg!  No  face 
oi  welcome,  no  look  of  forgtveneflB,  no  house  to  receive, 
no  hand  to  help  him  —  and  this,  too^  in  the  old  Tillage* 
What  was  his  loDeliness  in  the  wild  thick  woods,  where 
man  was  neyer  seen,  to  this  I    ' 

^  He  feU  that  in  the  distant  land  of  his  bondage  and 
infamy,  he  had  thought  of  his  native  place  as  it  was 
when  he  left  it  >  not  as  it  would  be,  when  he  returned. 
The  sad  reality  struck  coldly  at  his  heart,  and  his  spirits 
sank  within  him.  He  had  not  courage  to  make  inqui- 
ries, or  to  present  himself  to  the  only  person  who  was 
likely  to  receive  him  with  kindness  and  compassion. 
He  walked  slowly  on ;  and  shunning  the  road-side,  like 
a  guilty  man,  turned  into  a  meadow  he  well  remem- 
bered; and,  covering  his  face  with  his  hands,  threw 
himself  upon  the  grass. 

"  He  had  not  observed  that  a  man  was  lying  on  the 
bank  beside  him;  his  garments  rustled  as  he  turned 
round  to  steal  a  look  at  the  new-comer ;  and  Edmunds 
nused  his  head. 

'^The  man  had  moved  into  a  sitting  posture*  His 
body  was  much  bent,  and  his  face  was  wrinkled  and 
yellow.  His  dress  denoted  him  an  inmate  of  the  work- 
house :  he  had  the  appearance  of  being  very  old,  but 
it  looked  more  the  effect  of  dissipation  or  disease,  than 
length  of  years.  He  was  staring  hard  at  the  stranger 
and  though  his  eyes  were  lustreless  and  heavy  at  first, 
they  appeared  to  glow  with  an  unnatural  and  alarmed 
expression  after  they  had  been  fixed  upon  him  for  a 
short  time,  until  they  seemed  to  be  starting  from  their 
sockets.  Edmunds  gradually  raised  himself  to  his  knees, 
and  looked  more  and  more  earnestly  upon  the  old  man's 
face.    They  gazed  upon  each  other  m  silence. 


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1^2  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

*^  Hie  old  man  was  ghastly  pale.  He  shuddered  and 
tottered  to  his  feet  Edmands  sprang  to  his.  He  stepped 
back  a  pace  or  two.    Edmunds  advanced. 

^ '  Let  me  hear  joo  speak,'  said  the  convict  in  a  thidk 
broken  voice. 

««8tand  off!'  cried  the  old  man,  with  a  dreadAil  oath. 
The  convict  drew  doeer  to  him. 

"<< Stand  off!'  shrieked  the  old  man.  Furious  with 
terror  he  raised  his  stick,  and  struck  Edmunds  a  heavy 
bk>w  across  the  face. 

"'Father  —  devil!'  murmured  the  convict,  between 
his  set  teeth.  He  rushed  wildlj  forward,  and  clenched 
the  old  man  hj  the  throat  —  but  he  was  his  fiither ;  and 
his  aim  fell  powerless  hy  his  side. 

^  The  old  man  tittered  a  loud  jell  which  rang  through 
the  lonely  fields  like  the  howl  of  an  evil  spirit  His 
face  turned  black :  the  gore  rushed  from  his  mouth  and 
nose,  and  dyed  the  grass  a  deep  dark  red,  as  he  stag- 
gered and  felL     He  had  ruptured  a  blood-vessel;  and 

he  was  a  dead  man  before  his  son  could  i^se  him. 

«  •  •       '     «  •  •   ' 

**In  that  comer  of  the  church^yard,*  said  the  old  gen- 
tleman, after  a  silence  of  a  few  minutes,  "in  that  comer 
of  the  church-yard  of  which  I  have  before  spoken,  there 
lies  buried  a  man,  who  was  in  my  employment  for  three 
years  after  this  event :  and  who  was  traly  contrite,  pen- 
itent, and  humbled,  if  ever  man  was.  No  one  save  my- 
self knew  in  that  man^s  lifetime  who  he  was  or  whence 
he  came:  —  it  Was  John  Edmunds  the  retumed  con* 
vict" 


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THE  PICKWICK  CtUB.  133 


CHAPTER  Vn. 

BOW  MB.  WIHXtBy  tN«TKAD  Of  SHOOTIKO  AT  Tfil 
PIOBON  Aino  KILLINO  THE  OSOW,  SHOT  AT  THS 
GROW  AND  WOUNPBD  THB  PIOBON  ;  HOW  THE 
PtlNOLBT  DBLI.  CttlCKBX  CLUB,  PIRATED  ALL  MUO- 
OLBTON,  AKD  HOW  ALL  JfUOOLBTOM  DdTBD  AT 
THB  DINOLBT  PELL,  BXPBII8B:  WITH  OTHBft  IN- 
TEBBBTING  AXD  IMSTBUOTIYB  MATTBB& 

Thb  fatiguing  adveatuies  id  Ihe  day  or  the  aonnifer- 
oas  influence  of  the  derg^rman's  taie^  operated  so  atronf^ 
\j  on  the  4niws7  teivfenoiee  of.  Mr.  Piokwick,  that  in 
less  than  five  minutes  after  he  had  been  shown  to  his 
eomfi>rtable  bedroom,  he  fell  into  a  sound  and  dreamless 
sleep,  from  which  he  was  only  awakened  by  the  morning 
snn  darting  his  bright  belong  reproaehfully  into  the 
apartment,  2(r.  Piokwicjc  was  no  sUiggard;  and  he 
sprang  like  an  ardent  warrior  from  his  tent  —  bed- 
stead. 

^  Pleasant,  pleasant  country t"  sighed  the  enthosiastie 
gentleman,  as  he  opened  his  lattice  windowi^  *^Who 
could  live  to  gaxe  from  day  to  day  on  bricks  and  slates, 
who  had  once  felt  the  influence  of  a  scene  like  this  ? 
Who  could  continue  to  exist,  where  there  are  no  cows 
but  the  cows  on  the  chimney-pots ;  notliing  redolent  of 
Pan  but  pan-tiles  i  no  crop  Uit  stone  crop  ?    Who  could 


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134  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

bear  to  drag  oat  a  life  in  such  a  ispot?  Who  I  ask 
could  endure  it  ?  "  and,  having  cross-examined  solitude 
after  the  most  approved  precedents,  at  considerable 
length,  Mr.  Pickwick  thrust  his  head  out  of  the  lat- 
tice, and  looked  around  him. 

The  rich,  sweet  smeU  of  the  hay-ricks  rose  to  his 
chamber-window;  the  hundred  peifumes  of  the  little 
flower-garden  beneath,  scented  the  air  around ;  the  deep- 
green  meadows  shone  in  the  morning  dew  that  glistened 
on  every  leaf  as  it  trembled  in  the  gentle  air ;  and  the 
birds  rang  as  if  every  sparkling  drop  were  a  fountain  ci 
inspiration  to  them.  Mr.  Pickwick  fell  into  an  enchant- 
ing, and  delicious  revery. 

^  Hallo  I "  was  the  sound  that  roused  him. 

He  looked  to  the  right  bat  he  saw  nobody ;  his  eyes 
wandered  to  the  leit,  and  pierced  the  prospect;  he 
stared  into  the  sky,  but  he  wasn't  wanted  there;  and 
then  he  did  what  a  eonmion  mind  would  have  done  at 
once  —  looked  kito  the  garden,  and  there  saw  Mr. 
Wardle. 

"How  are  you?"  said  that  good-humored  individual, 
out  of  breath  with  his  own  anticipations  of  pleasure. 
^  Beautiful  morning,  a'n't  it  ?  Glad  to  see  you  up  so 
early.  Make  haste  down,  and  ccnne  out  Fll  wait  for 
you  here." 

Mr.  PickMrick  needed  no  second  invitation.  Ten  min« 
utes  sufficed  for  the  completion  of  his  toilet,  and  at  the 
expiration  of  that  time  he  was  by  the  old  gendeman's 
side. 

"HaDo!"  said  Mr.  Pickwick  in  his  turn :  seeing  that 
his  companion  was  armed  with  a  gun,  and  that  another 
lay  ready  on  the  gross.     **  What's  going  forward  ?  " 

**  Why,  your  Mnnd  and  I,"  replied  the  host,  "  are  go- 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  135 

ing  out  rook-ehootmg  before  brealifiist.  He's  a  verj 
gpod  shot,  aVt  he  ?" 

**  IVe  heard  him  say  he's  a  Cf4)ital  one,"  replied  Mr. 
Pickwick ;  "  but  I  never  saw  him  aim  at  anything." 

**  Well,"  said  the  host,  "  I  wish  he'd  come.  Joe  — 
Joel" 

The  fat  boj,  who  under  the  exciting  influence  of  the 
morning  did  not  i4)pear  to  be  more  than  three  parts  and 
a  fraction  asleep,  emerged  from  the  house. 

^Gro  up,  and  call  the  gentleman,  and  tell  him  hell 
find  me  and  Mr.  PickwidL  in  the  rookeiy.  Show  the 
gentleman  the  way  there ;  d'ye  hear  ?" 

The  boy  departed  to  execute  his  commission ;  and  the 
host,  carrying  both  guns  like  a  second  Robinson  Crusoe 
led  the  way  from  the  garden. 

'^  This  is  the  place,"  said  the  old  gentleman,  pausing 
after  a  few  minutes'  walking,  in  an  avenue  of  trees.  The 
information  was  unnecessary;  for  the  incessant  cawing 
of  the  unconscious  rooks,  sufficiently  indicated  their 
whereabout 

The  old  gentleman  laid  one  gun  on  the  ground  and 
loaded  the  other. 

"Here  they  are,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick;  and  as  he 
spoke,  the  forms  of  Mr.  Tupman,  Mr.  SnOdgrass,  and 
Mr.  Winkle  appeared  in  the  distance.  The  fat  boy,  not 
being  quite  certain  which  gentleman  he  was  directed  to 
call,  had  with  peculiar  sagacity,  and  to  prevent  the  pos- 
sibility of  any  mistake,  called  them  alL 

^  Come  along,"  shouted  the  old  gentleman,  addressing 
Mr.  Winkle ;  ^  a  keen  hand  like  you  ought  to  have  been 
up  long  ago,  even  to  such  poor  work  as  this." 

Mr.  Winkle  responded  with  a  forced  raaile,  and  took 
lip  the  spare  gun  with  an  expression  of  countenance 


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136  POSTHTTMOnS  PAPERS  OP 

which  a  metaphysical  rook,  impressed  with  a  foreboding 
of  his  approaching  death  by  violence,  may  be  supposed 
to  assume.  It  might  have  been  keenness,  but  it  looked 
remarkably  like  misery. 

The  old  gentleman  nodded  ;  and  two  ragged  boys  who 
had  been  marshalled  to  the  spot  under  the  direction  of 
the  infant  Lambert,  forthwith  commenced  climbing  up 
two  of  the  trees. 

**  What  are  those  lads  for  ?"  inquired  Mr.  Pickwick 
abruptly.  He  was  rather  alarmed ;  for  he  was  not 
quite  certain  but  that  the  distress  of  the  agricultural 
interest,  about  which  he  had  often  heard  a  great  deal, 
might  have  compelled  the  small  boys  attached  to  the 
soil,  to  earn  a  precarious  and  hazardous  subsistence  by 
making  mari^s  of  themselves  for  inexperienced  sports* 
ihen. 

"Only  to  start  the  game,**  repKed  Mr.  Wardle,  laugh* 
lag. 

«  To  what?*  inquired  Mr.  Piekwick. 

**  Why,  in  plain  English,  to  frighten  the  rooks." 

«0b!    Is  that  an?" 

«You  are  satisfied?" 

«  Quite." 

**  Very  weU.     Shall  I  begin  ?  " 

**  If  you  please,"  said  Mr.  Winkle,  glad  of  any  res- 
pite. 

"  Stand  aside,  then.    Now  for  it" 

The  boy  shouted,  and  shook  a  branch  with  a  nest  on 
it  Half  a  dozen  young  rooks  in  violent  conversation, 
flew  out  to  ask  what  the  matter  was.  The  old  gentle- 
man fired  by  way  of  reply.  Down  fbll  one  bird,  and  off 
flew  the  others. 

"  Take  him  up,  Joe,"  said  the  old  gentleman. 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  Ift? 

There  was  a  smile  uspoa  the  jouth's  faee  as  he  id* 
vanoed.  Indistinot  visions  of  n>ok-pie  floated  through 
his  imagination.  He  laughed  as  he  retired  with  tJbe 
bird  —  it  was  a  plump  one. 

^  Now,  Mr.  Winkle,"  said  the  host,  reloading  his  own 
gun.    "  Fire  away." 

Mr.  Winkle  adranced,  and  levelled  his  gun.  Mr. 
Pickwick  and  his  friends  cowered  involuntarily  to  esoa^ 
damage  from  the  heavy  fall  of  rooks^  which  th^y  felt 
quite  certain  would  be  oocaskoed  by  the  devastating 
l^arrel  of  their  friend.  There  was  a  solemn  panse «—  a 
sl^out — a  flapping  of  wings -^a  fidni  dfek 

^  HaUo  I "  sadd  the  old  gentleman. 

"Won't  it  go ? "  mquired  Mr.  PickwiA. 

"Missed  fire,"  said  Mr,  Winkle,  who  was  very  pale 
probably  from  di8iq>pointment. 

"Odd,"  said  the  old  gentleman,  taking  the  gun. 
"  Never  knew  one  of  them  ogiss  fire  before.  Why,  I 
don't  see  anything  of  the  cap»" 

"  Bless  my  soul,"  s«d  Mv.  Winkle*  "  I  deekre  I  lb»- 
got  the  cfq> ! " 

The  sHght  omission  was  rectified*  Mr.  Pid^wick 
doudied  again.  Mr.  Winkle  stuped  Ibrwwrd  wiUi  an 
air  of  determination  and  resolution  i  and  Mr.  Topnan 
looked  out  from  behind  a  tree.  The  boy  shouted ;  ^ 
four  birds  flew  out.  Mr.  Wmkla  flred.  There  was  a 
scream  as  of  an  individual— « not  a  xook'^-^in  eorporeal 
anguish.  Mr.  Tupman  had  saved  the  lives  of  inaumera- 
Ue  un9>Send&^  birds  by  receiving  a  portion  of  the  oharge 
n  his  left  arm. 

To  describe  the  oonfrisioQ  that  ensued  woitld  be  im- 
possible. To  ten  how  Mr.  Pickwick  in  the  first  trans- 
ports of  his  emodon  called  Mr.  Winkle  "  Wretdil"  how 


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138  POdmuMons  papebs  of 

Mr.  Tupman  lay  prostrate  on  the  ground ;  and  how  Mr. 
Winkle  knelt  horror-etrieken  beside  him ;  how  Mr.  Tup- 
man  called  distractedly  upon  some  feminine  Christian 
name,  and  then  opened  first  one  eye,  and  then  Uie  other, 
and  then  fell  ba<^  and  shut  ^m  both ;  —  all  this  would 
be  as  difficult  to  describe  in  detiul,  as  it  would  be  to  d^ 
pict  the  gradual  recovering  of  the  unfortunate  individual, 
Hie  tnnding  up  of  his  arm  with  pocket-handkerchiefs, 
and  the  conveying  him  bade  by  slow  degrees  supported 
by  the  arms  of  his  anxious  friends. 

They  drew  near  the  honse.  The  ladies  were  at  ike 
garden-gate,  waiting  for  their  amval  and  their  breakfast. 
The  spinster  aunt  appeared ;  she  smiled,  and  beckoned 
them  to  walk  quicker.  'Twas  evident  she  knew  not  of 
die  disaster.  Poor  thing  I  There  are  times  when  igno- 
rance is  bliss  indeed. 

'They  approached  nearer. 

*<  Why,  what  is  the  matter  with  the  little  old  gentle- 
man ?  "  said  Isabella  Wardle.  The  spinster  aunt  heed- 
ed not  the  remark ;  she  thought  it  applied  to  Mr.  Pick- 
wick. In  her  eyes  Tracy  Tupman  was  a  youth ;  she 
viewed  his  years  through  a  diminishing  glass. 

«  Don't  be  frightened,"  called  out  the  old  host,  fearftil 
of  alarming  his  daughters.  The  Kttle  party  had  crowded 
M>  completely  round  Mr.  Tupman,  that  tiiey  could  not 
yet  clearly  discern  the  nature  of  the  accident 

**  Don't  be  frightened,"  said  the  host. 

<<  What's  the  matter?"  screamed  the  ladies. 

^  Mr.  Tupman  has  met  with  a  little  accident ;  thatTs 
all." 

The  spinster  annt  uttered  a  piercing  scream,  burst  into 
an  hysteric  laugh,  and  fell  badcwards  in  the  arms  of  her 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  lS9 

^  Urow  some  cold  water  over  her,"  said  the  old  gen- 
tleman. 

^  No,  no,^  mamrared  the  spinster  aunt ;  ^  I  am  better 
now.  Bella,  Emily  —  a  surgeon  !  Is  he  wounded  ? —« 
Is  he  dead ?  —  Is  he ^ ha,  ha,  ha !"  Here  the  spin- 
ster annt  burst  into  a  fit  number  two,  of  hjsierie  laugh- 
ter, interspersed  with  screams. 

*^  Calm  yourself,"  said  Mr.  Tupman,  afFteted  almost  to 
tears  by  this  expression  of  sympathy  with  his  sufferings. 
**  Dear,  dear  madam,  calm  yourself." 

^It  is  his  voice !^  exclaimed  the  spinster  aunt;  and 
strong  symptoms  of  fit  number  three  developed  them- 
selves forthwith. 

**  Do  not  agitate  yourself  I  entreat  you,  dearest  mad- 
am," said  Mr.  Tupman,  soothingly,  "I  am  very  little 
hurt,  I  assure  you." 

"  Then  you  are  not  dead  I "  ejaculated  the  hysterical 
lady.    "Oh,  say  you  are  not  dead!" 

<*  Don't  be  a  fool,  Rachael,"  interposed  Mr.  Wardlc, 
rather  more  roughly  than  was  quite  consistent  with  the 
poetic  nature  of  the  scene.  **  What  the  devil's  the  use 
of  his  iOffing  he  isnH  dead  ?  " 

*^  No,  no,  I  am  not,"  said  Mr.  Tupman.  ^  I  require 
DO  assistance  but  yours.  Let  me  lean  on  your  arm " 
He  added,  in  a  whisper, "  Oh  Miss  Rachael ! "  The  ag- 
itated female  advanced,  and  offered  her  arm.  They 
tamed  into  the  bi«akikst  parlor.  Mr.  Tracy  Tupman 
g^itly  pressed  her  hand  to  his  lips,  and  sank  upon  the 
•ofo. 

"Are  you  faint?"  inquired  the  anxious  Rachael. 

"  No,"  said  Mr.  Tupman.  "  It  is  nothing.  I  shall  be 
better  presently."     He  closed  his  eyes. 

"  He  sleeps,"  murmin'ed  the    spinster   aimt.     (His 


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140  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

>igftn8  of  viskm  had  been  closed  nearly  twentj.  seO" 
onds.)     "Dear  —  dear  —  Mr.  Tupman!" 

Mr.  Tupman  jumped  up — '^^Qh,  $aj  those  words 
again  !  ^  he  exclaimed. 

The  lady  started.  ^  Sorelj  you  did  not  hear  them  I " 
she  said,  bftsbfliHy. 

''Oh  yes  I  did!"  replied  Mr.  Tupman;  ''repeal 
them.    If  you  would  have  ma  recover^  repeat  them." 

"  Hash  I "  said  the  lady.     "  My  brother." 

Mr.  Tracy  Tupman  resumed  his  former  position ;  and 
Mr.  Wardle  accompanied  by  a  surgeon  entered  the 
room. 

The  arm  was  examined,  the  wound  dressed,  and  pro- 
oounced  to  be  a  very  slight  one ;  and  the  minds  o£  the 
company  having  been  thus  satisfied,  they  proceeded  to 
satisfy  their  appetites  with  countenances  to.  which  an  ex- 
pression of  cheerfulness  was  again  restored.  Mr.  Pick- 
wick alone  was  silent  and  reserved.  Doubt  anddistmsjt 
wei*e  exhibited  ii^  his  countenance.  His  confidepce  in 
Mr.  Wmkle  had  been  shaken — greatly  shaken — by  the 
proceedings  of  the  morning. 

''Are  you  a  cricketer?"  inquired  Mr.  Wardle  of  the 
marksman. 

At  any  other  time,  Mr.  Winkle  would  have  replied  in 
the  affinnatlvei.  He  fdl  |^e  delicaqy  of  his  sitaatioo, 
and  modestly  relied,  "  Na" 

"  Art  you,  lii: ?^  in))uired  Mr.  Snpdgraes.. 

"J  was  cmoe  up<m  a  time,"  replied  the  host;  "but  I 
have  given  it  up  now.  I  subscribe  to  the  club  here,  biit 
I  dou't  play.'* 

"The  grand  match  is  phgred  to-d^,  I  believe,^  said 
Mr.  Pickwick. 

''Itis,"Yep]ied  ihehoett-  "  Of  course  you  would  like  to 
leeit." 

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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  Ml 

•  •*  I,  snr,"  replied  Mr.  Pickwick,  "  am  deHghied  to  view 
way  sports  which  maj  be  saf^l j  indulged  in,  and  in  which 
the  impotent  effects  of  unskilfal  people  do  not  endanger 
human  life.**  Mr.  Pickwick  paused,  and  looked  steadily 
on  Mr.  Winkle,  who  quailed  beneath  his  leader's  search- 
ing glance.  The  great  man  withdrew  his  eyes  after  a 
few  minutes,  and  added :  "  Shall  we  be  justified  in  leav* 
iftg  our  wounded  friend  to  the  care  of  the  ladies  ?  " 

•  '^You  cannot  leave  me  in  better  hands,**  smd  Mr. 
Tupman. 

^  Quite  impossible,^  said  Mr.  Snodgrass. 

It  was  therefore  settled  that  Mr.  Tupman  should  be 
left  at  home  in  charge  of  the  females ;  and  that  the  re- 
mainder of  the  guests  under  the  guidance  of  Mr.  Wardle 
should  proceed  to  the  spot,  where  was  to  be  held  that 
trial  of  skill  which  had  roused  all  Muggleton  fh>m  its 
torpor,  and  inoculated  I^gley  Dell  with  a  fever  of 
excitement. 

As  their  walk,  which  was  not  above  two  miles  long, 
lay  through  shady  lanes,  and  sequestered  foot-paths; 
and  as  their  conversation  turned  upon  the  delightful 
scenery  by  which  they  were  on  every  side  surrounded, 
Mr.  Pickwick  was  almost  inclined  to  regret  the  expedi- 
tion they  had  used,  when  he  found  himself  in  the  main 
street  of  the  town  of  Muggleton. 

Everybody  whose  genius  has  a  topographical  bent^ 
knows  perfectly  well,  that  Muggleton  is  a  corporate 
town,  with  a  mayor,  burgesses,  and  freemen ;  and  any- 
body who  has  consulted  the  addresses  of  the  mayor  to 
the  freemen,  or  the  fireemen  to  the  mayor,  or  both  to  the 
corporation,  or  all  three  to  Parliament,  will  learn  from 
thence  what  they  ought  to  have  known  before,  that 
Muggleton  i^  an  andent  and  loyal  borough,  mingling  a 


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142  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

sealous  advocacj  of  Christian  principles  with  a  deiRot* 
ed  attachment  to  commercial  rights;  in  demonstration 
whereof,  the  mayor,  corporation,  and  other  inhabitants, 
have  presented  at  divers  times,  no  fewer  than  one  thoa* 
sand  four  hundred  and  twenty  petitions,  against  the  con- 
tinuance of  negro  slaveiy  abroad,  and  an  equal  number 
against  any  interference  with  the  factory  system  at 
home;  sixty-eight  in  fiivor  of  the  sale  of  livings  in 
the  church,  and  eightynsix  for  abolishing  Sunday  trad- 
ing  in  the  streets. 

Mr.  Pickvrick  stood  in  the  principal  street  of  this 
illustrious  town,  and  gaced  with  an  air  of  curiosity  not 
unmixed  with  interest,  on  the  objects  around  him. 
There  was  an  open  square  for  the  market-place;  and 
in  the  centre  of  it,  a  large  inn  with  a  sign-post  in  front, 
displaying  an  object  very  common  in  art,  but  rarely  met 
with  in  nature —  to  wit,  a  blue  lion  with  three  bow  l^;a 
in  the  air,  balancing  himself  on  the  extreme  point  of  the 
centre  claw  of  his  fourth  foot  There  were,  within  sight, 
an  auctioneer's  and  fire-agency  office,  a  corn-factor's,  a 
linen-draper^s,  a  saddler's,  a  distiller's,  a  grocer's,  and  a 
shoe-shop  —  the  last-mentioned  warehouse  being  also 
appropriated  to  the  diffusion  of  hats,  bonnets,  wearing 
apparel,  cotton  umbrellas,  and  useful  knowledge.  There 
was  a  red-brick  house  with  a  small  paved  court-yard  in 
front,  which  anybody  might  have  known  belonged  to  the 
attorney:  and  there  was,  moreover,  another  red-brick 
house  with  Venetian  blinds,  and  a  lai^  brass  door-plate, 
with  a  very  legible  announcement  that  it  belonged  to  tho 
■orgeon.  A  few  boys  were  making  their  way  to  the 
cricket-field;  and  two  or  three  shopkeepers  who  were 
standing  at  then:  doors,  looked  as  if  they  should  like  to 
be  makiug  their  way  to  the  same  spot^  as  indeed  to  aU 


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THE  JPIOKWIOK  CLUB.  liS 

■ppearaooe  thej  miglit  have  dime,  without  losing  any 
great  amount  of  custom  thereby.  Mr.  Pickwick  haying 
paused  to  make  these  observations,  to  be  noted  down  at 
a  more  convenient  period,  hastened  to  rejoin  his  friends, 
who  had  turned  out  of  the  main  street,  and  were  already 
within  ttght  of  the  field  of  battle. 

The  wickets  were  pitched,  and  so  were  a  couj^e  of 
marquees  for  the  rest  and  refreshment  of  the  contending 
parties.  The  game  had  not 'yet  commenced.  Two  or 
three  Dingiey  Dellers,  and  All-Muggletonians,  were 
amusing  tiiemselves  with  a  migestic  air  by  throwing 
the  ball  carelessly  frx>m  hand  to  hand ;  and  several  other 
gentlemen  dressed  like  them,  in  straw  hats,  fiannel  jack* 
els,  and  "white  trousers,' — a  costume  in  which  they 
looked  very  mnch  like  amateur  stone-masons  —  were 
sprinkled  about  the  tents,  towards  one  of  which  Mr. 
Wiudle  conducted  the  par^. 

Several  dozen  of  ^  How-are-you's  ? "  hailed  the  old 
gentleman's  arrival ;  and  a  general  rainng  of  the  straw 
hats,  and  bending  forward  of  the  flannel  jackets,  fol* 
lowed  his  introduction  of  his  guests  as  gentlemen  frt>m 
London,  who  were  extremely  anxious  to  witness  the 
proceedings  of  the  day,  with  which,  he  had  no  doubt, 
they  would  be  greatly  delighted. 

^  Tou  had  better  step  into  the  marquee,  I  think,  sir," 
Bud  one  very  stout  gentleman,  whose  body  and  legs 
looked  like  half  a  gigantic  roll  of  flannel,  elevated  on 
a  couple  of  inflated  pillow-cases. 

^  You'll  find  it  much  pleasanter,  sir,"  urged  another 
stout  gentleman,  who  strongly  resembled  the  other  half 
of  the  roll  of  flannel  aforesaid. 

**  You're  very  good,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick. 

'^This  way,"  said  the  first  speaker;  '^they  notch  in 


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144  PCNSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

here  —  ifs  the  best  place  in  the  whole  field;*  and 
the  crid^eter,  panting  on  before,  preceded  them  to  the 
tent 

**  Capital  game — smart  sport -^fine  exercise — very," 
were  the  words  which  fell  upon  Mr.  Pickwick's  ear  as 
he  entered  the  tent;  and  the  first  object  that  met  his 
ejes,  was  his  green-coated  friend  of  the  Rochester  coach, 
holding  forth,  to  the  no  small  deHght  and  edification  iji  a 
select  circle  of  the  chosen  of  All-Mnggleton.  His  dress 
was  slightly  improyed,  and  he  wore  boots ;  bnt  there  was 
no  mistaking  him. 

The  stranger  recognised  his  friends  immediately :  and, 
darting  forward  and  seising  Mr.  PidcwidL  by  the  hand, 
dragged  him  to  a  seat,  with  his  osoal  impetaosity,  talking 
all  the  while  as  if  the  whole  of  the  arrangements  were 
under  his  espedal  patronage  and  direction. 

**  This  way  —  this  way  —  capital  fun  —  lots  of  beer 
—  hogdieads;  rounds  of  beef  —  bullocks ;  mustard  — 
cart-loads;  glorioos  day —down  with  you  —  make  yonr- 
seif  at  home  —  glad  to  see  you  — « yery.** 

Mr.  Pickwick  sat  down  as  he  was  bid,  and  Mr.  Win- 
kle and  Mr.  Snodgrass  also  complied  with  the  directions 
of  their  mysterious  friend.  Mr.  Wardle  looked  on,  in 
silent  wonder. 

^Mr.  Wardle  —  a  friend  of  mme,"  said  Mr.  Pick- 
wick. 

**  Friend  of  yours  I  —  My  dear  sir,  how  are  you  ?  — 
Friend  of  my  friend's  —  give  me  your  hand,  sir  " — and 
the  stranger  grasped  Mr.  Wardle's  hand  with  all  the 
fervor  of  a  dose  intimacy  of  many  years,  and  then 
stepped  back  a  pace  or  two  as  if  to  take  a  friU  survey 
of  his  &ce  and  figure,  and  then  shook  hands  with  him 
again,  if  possible,  more  warmly  than  before. 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  14^ 

"Well;  and  how  came  you  here?"  said  Mr.  Pick- 
in<^  with  a  smile  in  which  benevolence  struggled  with 
surprise. 

"  Come,"  replied  the  strwiger  — "  stopping  at  Cro^n 
—  Crown  at  Muggleton  —  met  a  parQr  —  :flannel  jack- 
ets-»  white  trousers  —  aachoYj  sandwiches  —  devilled 
kidnejs  —  splendid  fellows  —  glorious.** 

Mr.  Pickwick  was  suf^cdentlj  versed  in  the  stranger^s 
sjstem  of  stenography  to  infer  from  this  rapid  and  diii- 
jpinted  communication  that  he  had,  somehow  or  other, 
contracted  an  acquaintance  with  the  All-MuggletonSy 
which  he  had  converted]  by  a  process  peculiar  to  him- 
self into  that  extent  of  good  feUowsl^p  on  which  a  gen- 
eral invitation  may  be  easily  founded.  His  curiosity 
was  therefore  satisfied,  and  putting  on  his  spectacles,  he 
prepared  himself  to  watch  the  play  which  was  just  com- 
mencing. 

All-Mugg^eton  had  the  first  innings ;  and  the  interest 
became  intense  when  Mr.  Dumkins  and  Mr.  Podder, 
two  of  the  most  renowned  members  of  that  most  dis« 
tinguished  club,  walked,  bat  in  hand,  to  their  respective 
wickets.  Mr.  Lufiey,  the  highest  ornament  of  Dingley 
Dell,  wa4  pitched  to  bowl  against  the  redoubtable  Dum- 
kins, and  Mr.  Struggles  was  selected  to  do  the  same 
kind  office  for  the  hitherto  unconquered  Fodder.  Sev- 
eral players  were  stationed  to  "  look  out,"  in  difierent 
parts  of  the  field,  and  each  fixed  himself  into  the  proper 
attitude  by  placing  one  hand  on  each  knee,  and  stooping 
very  much  as  if  he  were  '^  making  a  back  "  for  some  be* 
ginner  at  leap-frog.  All  the  regular  players  do  this 
sort  of  thing;  —  indeed  it's  generally  supposed  that  it 
is  quite  impossible  to  look  out  properly  in  any  oth^x 
position. 


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146  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

The  umpires  were  stationed  behind  the  wickets ;  th# 
scorers  were  prepared  to  notch  the  runs;  a  breathless 
silence  ensued.  Mr.  Luffey  retired  a  few  paces  behind 
the  wicket  of  the  passive  Fodder,  and  applied  the  ball 
to  his  right  eye  for  several  seconds.  Dnmkins  confi- 
dently awaited  its  coming,  with  his  eyes  fixed  on  die 
motions  of  Luffey. 

"Play,"  suddenly  cried  the  bowler.  The  ball  flew 
from  his  hand  straight  and  swift  towards  the  centre 
stump  of  the  wicket  The  waiy  Dumkins  was  on  the 
alert ;  it  fell  upon  the  tip  of  the  bat,  and  bounded  far 
away  over  the  heads  of  the  scouts,  who  had  just  stooped 
low  enough  to  let  it  fly  ovet  them. 

"  Run  —  run  —  another.  —  Now,  then,  throw  her  up 
—  up  with  her  —  stop  there  —  another  —  no  —  yes  — 
no  —  throw  her  up,  throw  her  up !  **  —  Such  were  the 
shouts  which  followed  the  stroke ;  and,  at  the  conclusion 
of  which  All-Muggleton  had  scored  two.  Nor  was  Fod- 
der behindhand  in  earning  laurels  wherewith  to  garnish 
himself  and  Muggleton.  He  blocked  the  doubtful  balls, 
missed  the  bad  ones,  took  the  good  ones,  and  sent  them 
flying  to  all  parts  of  the  field.  The  scouts  were  hot  and 
tired ;  the  bowlers  were  changed  and  bowled  till  their 
arms  ached  ;  but  Dumkins  and  Fodder  remained  unoon- 
quered.  Did  an  elderly  gentleman  essay  to  stop  the 
progress  of  the  ball,  it  rolled  between  his  legs,  or  slipped 
between  his  fingers.  Did  a  slim  gentleman  try  to  catdi 
it,  it  struck  him  on  the  nose,  and  bounded  pleasantly  ofT 
with  redoubled  violence,  while  the  slim  gentleman's  eyoa 
Oiled  ¥rith  water,  and  his  form  writhed  with  anguish. 
Was  it  thrown  straight  up  to  the  wicket,  Dumkins  had 
reached  it  before  the  ball.  In  short,  when  Dnmkini 
was  caught  out,  and  Fodder  stumped  out,  AU-Muggletoo 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  147 

had  notched  0ome  fifty-foar,  while  the  score  of  the  Ding- 
ky-Dellers  was  as  blank  as  their  faces.  The  adTaaUge 
was  too  great  to  be  recovered.  In  Tain  did  the  eager 
Liiffej,  and  the  enthusiastic  Straggles,  do  aU  that  ekiU 
and  experience  could  suggest,  to  regain  the  ground  Ding- 
ley  Deli  had  lost  in  the  contest ;  —  it  was  of  no  arail 
and  in  an  earij  period  of  the  winning  game  Dinglej 
Deli  gave  in,  and  allowed  tiie  superior  prowess  of  All- 
Bfaggleton. 

The  stranger,  meanwhile,  had  been  eating,  drinking, 
and  talking,  without  cessation.  At  every  good  stroke 
he  expressed  his  satisfootion  and  iqyproval  of  the  player 
in  a  most  condescending  and  patronising  manner,  which 
oould  not  fail  to  have  been  hig^y  gratifying  to  ^e  party 
concerned ;  while  at  every  bad  attempt  at  a  catch,  and 
eveiy  failure  to  stop  the  bidl,  he  launched  his  personal 
displeasure  at  the  head  of  the  devoted  individual  in  such 
denunciations  as  —  "Ah,  ah!  — stupid"  —  •'Now  but- 
ter-fingers "  —  « Muff "—*  Humbug"  —  and  so  forth  — 
ejaculations  which  seemed  to  establish  him  in  the  opin- 
ion of  all  around,  as  a  most  excellent  and  undeniable 
judge  of  the  whole  art  and  mystery  of  the  noble  game 
of  cricket. 

••Capital  game  —  wtSk  pkyed  —  some  strokes  admi- 
rable," said  the  stranger  as  both  sides  crowded  into  the 
tent,  at  the  condusion  of  the  game. 

••  Tou  have  phiyed  it,  sir  ?"  inquired  Mr.  Wardle,  who 
had  been  much  amused  by  his  loquacity. 

••  Played  it!  Think  I  have  —  thousands  of  times— 
not  here — West  Indies — exciting  thing  —  hot  work  — 
very." 

••  It  must  be  rather  a  warm  pursuit  in  such  a  climate  " 
observed  Mr.  Pickwick. 

VOL.  I.  10 

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148  POSTHUMOUS  PAPEBS  OF 

<«  Warm!  — red-hot  —  aoorching  —  glowing.  Plajed 
a   match   once  —  single  widLet  —  firiend    the   Colontl 

—  Sir  Thomas  Blaeo  —  who  should  get  the  greatest 
number  of  runs. — Won  the  toss — first  innings  — seven 
o'clock,  A^M.  —  six  natives  to  look  out  •—  went  in ;  kept 
in  —  heat  int«ase-*  natives  all  fainted — taken  awaj-^ 
fresh  half-dosen  ordered -^-fiEunted  also  —  Blazo  bowl- 
ing—  supported  bj  two  natives — couldn't  bowl  me  oat 
•^fainted  too  —  cleared  away  the  Colonel —* wouldn't 
give  in  —  faithful  attendant -*  Quanko  Samba — last 
man  left — sun  so  hot,  bat  in  bUsterSy  ball  scorched 
brown — five  hundred  and  seventy  runs  —  rather  ex- 
hausted —  Quanko  mustered  up  lost  remaining  strength 

—  bowled  me  out — had  a  bath,  and  went  out  to 
dinner." 

^  And  what  became  of  whatfs-his-name,  sir?"  inquired 
an  okl  gentleoiaii. 

"Blaao?" 

<'No  —  the  other  gentknum." 

<<  Quanko  Samba?'' 

«  Yes  sir," 

^Poor  Quanko— never  recovered  it  —  bowled  on,  oo 
my  account — bowled  off,  on  his  own  —  died  sir."  Here 
•the  stranger  buried  his  countenance  in  a  brown  jug,  but 
whether  to  hide  his  emotion  or  imbibe  its  contenls,  we 
cannot  distinctly  affirm*  We  only  know  that  he  paused 
suddealy,  drew  a  long  and  deep  breath,  and  looked  anx- 
iously on,  as  two  of  the  principal  members  of  the  Dingio^ 
Dell  dub  approadied  Mr.  Pickwick,  and  said  — 

<^  We  are  about  to  partake  of  a  i^ain  dinner  at  the 
Blue  Lion,  sir ;  we  hope  you  and  your  friends  will  join 
us." 

^Of  course,"  said  Mr.  Wardle,  '^  among  our  frtenda 


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THE  PICKWICK   CLUB.  149 

•re  include  Mr.  — ;"  and  he  looked  towards  tlie 
stranger. 

"Jingle,"  said  that  versatile  gentleman,  taking  the 
hint  at  once.  "Jingle  —  Alfred  Jingle,  Esq.,  of  No 
Hall,  Nowhere." 

**I  shall  be  very  happy,  I  am  sure,"  said  Mr.  Pick- 
wick. 

"  So  shall  I,"  said  Mr.  Alfred  Jingle,  drawing  one  arm 
through  Mr.  Pickwick's,  and  another  through  Mr.  War- 
die's,  as  he  whispered  confidentially  in  the  ear  of  the  foiv 
mer  gentleman :  — 

"Devilish  good  dinner  —  cold,  but  capital — peeped 
into  the  room  this  morning — fbwls  and  pies,  and  all 
that  sort  of  thing  —  pleasant  fellows  these  —  well  be- 
haved, too — very.** 

There  being  no  fbrther  preliminaries  to  arrange,  the 
company  straggled  into  the  town  hi  little  knots  of  twos 
and  threes ;  and  within  a  quarter  of  an  hour  were  all 
seated  in  the  great  room  of  the  Blue  Lion  Inn,  Muggle- 
ton  —  Mr.  Dumkins  acting  as  chairman,  and  Mr.  Luffey 
officiating  as  vice. 

There  wsa  a  vast  deal  of  talking  and  rattling  of  knives 
and  forks,  and  plates :  a  great  running  about  of  three 
ponderous  headed  waiters,  and  a  rapid  disappearance  of 
the  substantial  viands  on  the  table ;  to  each  and  every  of 
which  item  of  confusion,  the  facetious  Mr.  Jingle  lent 
the  aid  of  half-a-dozen  ordinary  men  at  least  When 
everybody  had  eaten  as  much  as  possible,  the  cloth  was 
removed,  bottles,  glasses,  and  dessert  were  placed  on 
the  table;  and  the  waiters  withdrew  to  "clear  away," 
or  in  other  words,  to  appropriate  to  their  own  private 
jse  and  emolimient,  whatever  remnants  of  the  eatables 
uid  diinkables  they  could  contrive  to  lay  their  hands  on. 


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150  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

Amidst  the  general  hum  of  mirth  and  conversation 
that  ensued,  there  was  a  little  man  with  a  puffy  Say- 
nothing-to-me,-or-ril-contndict-7ou  sort  of  countenance, 
who  remained  very  quiet;  occasionally  looking  round 
him  when  the  conversation  slackened,  as  if  he  contem- 
plated putting  in  something  very  weighty :  and  now  and 
then  bursting  into  a  short  cough  of  inexpressible  gran* 
deur.  At  length,  during  a  moment  of  comparative  si* 
lence,  the  little  man  called  out  in  a  very  loud,  solemn 
voice, 

**Mr.  Luffeyl'' 

Everybody  was  hushed  into  a  profound  stillness  as  the 
individual  addressed,  replied, 

**Sirl" 

**  I  wish  to  address  a  few  words  to  you  sir,  if  you  will 
entreat  the  gentlemen  to  fill  up  their  glasses." 

Mr.  Jingle  uttered  a  patronizing  ^  hear,  hear,"  which 
was  responded  to,  by  the  remainder  of  the  company: 
and  the  gUsses  having  been  filled  the  Vice-President 
assumed  an  air  of  wisdom  in  a  state  of  profound  atten- 
tion ;  and  said, 

**  Mr.  Staple." 

^  Sir,"  said  the  little  man,  rising,  ^  I  wish  to  address 
what  I  have  to  say  to  you  and  not  to  our  worthy  chair- 
man, because  our  worthy  chairman  is  in  some  measure 
—  I  may  say  in  a  great  degree  —  the  subject  of  what  I 
have  to  say,  or  I  may  say  to  —  to  —  " 

^  State,"  suggested  Mr.  Jingle. 

—  ''Tes,  to  state,"  said  the  little  man,  ^l  thank  my 
honorable  friend,  if  he  will  allow  me  to  call  ]iim  so  — 
(four  hears,  and  one  certainly  from  Mr.  Jingle)  —  for 
the  suggestion.  Sir,  I  am  a  Deller  —  a  Dingley  Deller, 
(cheei*s).     I  cannot  lay  claim  to  the  honor  of  forming  an 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  151 

item  in  the  population  of  Maggleton ;  nor  sir,  I  will 
frankly  admit,  do  I  covet  that  honor :  and  I  will  tell  jon 
why  sir,  (hear)  ;  to  Maggleton  I  will  readily  concede  all 
Uiose  honors  and  distinctions  to  which  it  can  fiurly  lay 
claim  —  they  are  too  numerous  and  too  well  known  to 
require  aid  or  recapitulation  finom  me.  But  sir,  while 
we  remember  that  Muggleton  has  given  birth  to  a  Dum« 
kins  and  a  Podder,  let  us  never  forget  that  Dingley  Dell 
can  boast  a  Luffey  and  a  Struggles.  (Vociferous  cheer- 
ing.) Let  me  not  be  considered  as  wishing  to  detract 
from  the  merits  of  the  former  gentlemen.  Sir,  I  envy 
them  the  luxury  of  tlieir  own  feelings,  on  this  occasion. 
(Cheers.)  Every  gentleman  who  hears  me,  is  probably 
acquainted  with  the  reply  made  by  an  individual,  who 
—  to  use  an  ordinary  figure  of  speech  —  *  hung  out '  in 
a  tub,  to  the  emperor  Alexander :  -^  <  If  I  were  not  Di- 
ogenes,' said  he,  '  I  would  be  Alexander.'  I  can  well 
imagine  these  gentlem^i  to  say,  <  11 1  were  not  Dum- 
kins  I  would  be  Luffey ;  if  I  were  not  Podder  I  would 
be  Struggles.'  (Enthusiasm.)  But  gentlemen  of  Mug- 
gleton is  it  in  (Ticket  alone  that  your  fellow-townsmen 
stand  preeminent  ?  ELave  you  never  heard  of  Dumkins 
and  determination?  Have  you  never  been  tauglit  to 
associate  Podder  with  property?  (Great  applause.) 
Have  you  never,  when  struggling  for  your  rights,  your 
liberties,  and  your  privileges,  been  reduced,  if  only  for 
an  instant,  to  misgiving  and  despair  ?  And  when  you 
have  been  thus  depressed,  has  not  the  name  of  Dumkins 
laid  afresh  within  your  breast,  the  fire  which  had  just 
gone  out ;  and  has  not  a  word  from  that  man,  lighted  it 
again  as  brightly  as  if  it  had  never  expired  ?  (Great 
cheering.)  Gentlemen,  I  beg  you  to  surround  with  a 
rich  hab  of  enthusiastic  cheering, -the  united  names  of 
*  Dumkins  and  Podder.*" 

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152  POSTHUMOUS  PAPEBS  OF 

Here  the  little  man  oessed,  and  here  the  company 
oommenced  a  raiBing  of  voices,  and  thumpuig  of  tables, 
whioh  lasted  with  little  intermission  during  the  remainder 
of  the  evening.  Other  toasts  were  drank.  Mr.  Luffey 
and  Mr.  Struggles,  Mr.  Pickwick  and  Mr.  Jingle,  were, 
each  in  his  turn,  the  subject  of  unqualified  eulogium ; 
and  each  in  due  course  returned  thanks  for  the  honor. 

Enthusiastic  as  we  are  in  the  noble  cause  to  which  ?re 
have  devoted  ourselves,  we  should  have  felt  a  sensation 
of  pride  which  we  cannot  express,  and  aconscioosness  of 
having  done  something  to  merit  immortality  of  whiqh  we 
are  now  deprived,  could  we  have  laid  the  faintest  outline 
of  these  addresses  before  our  ardent  readers.  Mr.  Snod- 
grass,  as  usual,  took  a  great  mass  of  notes,  which  would  no 
doubt  have  affiurded  most  useful  and  valuable  infiurma- 
tion,  had  not  the  burning  eloquence  of  the  words  or  the 
feverish  influence  of  the  wine  made  that  gentleman's 
hand  so  extremely  unsteady,  as  to  render  his  writing 
nearly  unintelligible,  and  his  style  wholly  ao«  By  dint 
of  patient  investigatioii,  we  have  been  enabled  to  trace 
some  characters  bearing  a  faint  resemblance  to  the 
names  of  the  speakers:  and  we  can  idso  discern  an 
entry  of  a  song  (supposed  to  have  been  sung  by  Mi*. 
Jingle),  in  which  the  words  ^^bowl"  ^  sparkling  "  *^  ruby'' 
^  bright,"  and  ^  wine "  are  frequently  repeated  at  short 
intervals.  We  £uicy  too,  that  we  can  discern  at  the 
very  end  of  the  notes,  some  indistinct  reference  to 
^broiled  bones;"  and  then  the  words  ^oold"  ^with- 
out "  occur :  but  as  any  hypothesis  we  could  found  upon 
them  must  necessarily  rest  upon  mere  coi^jecture,  we  are 
not  disposed  to  indulge  in  any  of  the  speculations  to 
which  they  may  give  rise. 

We  will  therefore  retun    to  Mr.  Ti^unan;  merdy 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  158 

adding  that  within  some  few  minntee  before  twelre 
o'clock  that  night,  the  eonyocation  of  worthies  of  Ding- 
ley  Dell  and  Mnggleton,  were  heard  to  sing  with  great 
feeling  and  emphasis,  the  beaatiful  and  pathetic  national 
air,  of 

Wt  won*t  go  home  till  morning, 

We  woa^i  |po  lione  till  mtniifig, 

We  wont  go  home  till  morning, 

'Tin  dayliglU  doth  appenr. 


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154  POSTHUMpUS  PAFEBS  OF 


CHAPTER  Vm 

B7B0NOLT    ILLUSTRATIYB     OF    THE     POSITION,    THAI 
THE   COUB8E  OF  TRUE   LOVE  IS   NOT  A  RAILWAY. 

The  quiet  seclusion  of  Dingley  Dell,  the  presence 
of  so  many  of  the  gentler  sex,  and  the  solicitude  and 
anxiety  they  evinced  in  his  behalf,  were  all  favorable 
to  the  growth  and  development  of  those  softer  feelings 
which  nature  had  implanted  deep  in  the  bosom  of  Mr. 
Tracy  Tupman,  and  which  now  appeared  destined  to 
centre  in  one  lovely  object.  The  young  ladies  were 
pretty,  their  manners  winning,  their  dispositions  unex- 
ceptionable ;  but  there  was  a  dignity  in  the  air,  a  touch- 
me-not-ishness  in  the  walk,  a  majesty  in  the  eye  of  the 
spinster  aunt,  to  which,  at  their  time  of  life  they  could 
lay  no  claim,  which  distinguished  her  from  any  female 
on  whom  Mr.  Tupman  had  ever  gazed.  That  there  was 
something  kindred  in  their  nature,  something  congenial 
in  their  souls,  something  mysteriously  sympathetic  in 
their  bosoms,  was  evident  Her  name  was  the  first  that 
rose  to  Mr.  Tupman's  lips  as  he  lay  wounded  on  the 
grass;  and  her  hysteric  laughter,  was  the  first  sound 
that  fell  upon  his  ear,  when  he  was  supported  to  the 
house.  But  had  her  agitation  arisen  from  an  amiable 
and  feminine  sensibility  which  would  have  been  equally 
•rrepressible  in  any  case;  or  had  it  been  called  forth 


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THE  PICKWICK  CL0B.  155 

by  a  more  ardent  and  paadoaat^  feeling,  which  he,  of 
ail  men  living,  could  alone  awaken  ?  These  were  the 
doubts  which  racked  his  brain  ias  he  lay  extended  on 
the  sofa :  these  were  the  doubts  which  he  determined 
should  be  at  once  and  forever  resolved. 

It  was  evening.  Isabella  and  Emily  had  strolled  out 
with  Mr.  Trundl<e ;  the  deaf  old  lady  had  fallen  asleep 
in  her  chair ;  the  snoring  of  the  fat  boy,  penetrated  in 
a  low  and  monotonous  sound  from  the  distant  kitchen  ; 
the  buxom  servants  were  lounging  at  the  nde-door, 
ei\joying  the  pleasantness  of  the  hour,  and  the  delights 
of  a  flirtation,  on  first  principles,  with  certain  unwieldy 
animals  attached  to  the  farm ;  and  there  sat  die  inter- 
esting pair,  uncared  for  by  all,  caring  for  none,  and 
dreaming  only  of  themselves :  there  they  sat,  in  short, 
like  a  pair  of  carefully-f<Med  kid-gloves -— bound  up 
in  each  other. 

*^  1  have  forgotten  my  flowers,"  said  the  spinster  aunt 

'*  Water  them  now,"  said  Mr.  Tnpman  in  accents  of 
persuasioii. 

"  You  will  take  cold  in  the  evening  air,"  urged  the 
spinster  aunt,  affectionately. 

<<  No,  no,"  dud  Mr.  Tupman,  rising ;  ^  it  will  do  me 
good.    Let  me  accompany  yon." 

The  lady  paused  to  ad^t  the  sling  in  which  the  left 
arm  of  the  youth  was  placed,  and  td^ing  his  right  arm 
led  him  to  the  garden. 

There  was  a  bower  at  the  farther  end,  with  honey- 
sudde,  jessamine^  and  creeping  plants  —  one  of  those 
sweet  retreats,  which  humane  men  erect  for  the  accom- 
*nodation  of  spiders. 

The  stMiister  aimt  took  up  a  large  wafering-pot  which 
lay  in  one  comer,  and  was  about  to  leave  the  arbor. 


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156  POSTHUMOUS  PAFEBd  lOF 

Mr.  Thptnaii  detained  her,  and  drew  ker  to  a  seat  be- ' 
Bide  him. 

<<BG88WanHeI'' saidhe. 

The  ^inster  Haht  trembled,  till  some  pebbles  wliicfa 
had  acddentallj  foimd  th^  Waj  hito  the  large  water- 
iiif»p6t,  shook  Vke  an  infiuit^  rattle. 

<^lCs8  Wardle,"  said  Mr.  Tnpmiin,  <*joa  are  an 
augeL*' 

^  Mr.  Tnpman ! "  ezchdmed  Bachael,  blushing  as  red 
as  the  Watering-pot  itself* 

^  Nay,"  told  the  eloquent  Pickwickian  —  «<  I  know  it 
bat  U>o  welL** 

^  All  women  are  angels,  they  saj,**  mannnred  the  lady, 
playfoUj. 

<*Then  what  can  yw«  be;  or  to  what,  without  pre 
sumption,  can  I  compare  jou  ?  **  replied  Mr.  Tupman. 
"  Where  was  the  woman  ever  seen,  who  resembled  you  ? 
Where  else  could  I  hope  to  find  so  rare  a  combination 
of  excellence  and  beauty?  Where  else  could  I  seek  to 
—  Oh  ! "  Here  Mr.  Tupman  paused,  and  pressed  the 
hand  wbid^  diNBped  the  handle  of  the  hi^py  watering- 
pot 

The  lady  tamed  aside  her  head.  ^Men  are  such 
deceivers,"  she  softly  whispered. 

^ They  are,  they  are,"  ejaculated  Mr.  Tuptnim  i  «but 
not  all  men.  There  lives  ftt  least  one  being  who  can 
never  change  —  one  being  who  would  be  content  to 
devote  his  whole  ezistem^e  to  your  happiness  —  who 
lives  but  in  your  eyes  —  who  breathes  but  in  your 
smiles -<- who  beam  the  heavy  burden  of  life  itself, 
only  for  you." 

^Oould  such  an  individual  be  found,"  said  the  lady 

^  But  he  con  be  fi>uQd,''  said  the  ardent  Mr.  Tupman^ 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUa  157 

inteiposing.  "  He  u  foond.  He  is  here  Miss  Wardle." 
And  ere  the  lady  was  aware  of  his  intentioiiy  Mr.  Tup- 
man  had  sunk  upon  his  knees  at  her  feet. 

'*  Mr.  Tupman,  rise,"  said  BachaeL 

"  Never ! "  was  the  valorous  reply.  "  Oh,  Raefaael ! " 
—  He  seized  her  passive  hand,  and  the  waterin^pot  fell 
to  the  ground  as  he  pressed  it  to  his  lips.  —  ^  Oh,  Ra- 
chael !  say  you  love  me." 

^  Mr.  Tupman,"  said  the  spinster  aunt,  with  averted 
head  —  "I  can  hardly  speak  the  words ;  but  —  but  — 
you  are  not  wholly  indifferent  to  me." 

Mr.  Tupman  no  sooner  heard  this  avowal,  than  he 
proceeded  to  do  what  his  enthusiastic  emotions  prompted, 
and  what,  for  aught  we  know,  (for  we  are  but  little  ac- 
quainted with  such  matters,)  people  so  circumstanced 
always  do.  He  jumped  up,  and,  throwing  his  arm  round 
the  neck  of  the  spinster  aunt,  imprinted  upon  her  lips 
numerous  kisses,, which  after  a  due  show  of  struggling 
and  resistance^  she  received  so  passively,  that  there  is 
no  telling  how  many  more  Mr.  Tupman  might  have 
bestowed,  if  the  lady  had  not  given  a  very  unaffected 
start  and  exclaimed  in  an  affrighted  tone, — 

"Mr.  Tupman,  we  are  observed!  — we  are  discov- 
ered!" 

Mr.  Tupman  looked  round.  There  was  the  fat  boy, 
l>erfectly  motionless,  with  his  large  circular  eyes  staring 
into  the  arbor,  but  without  the  slightest  expression  on 
Ills  face  that  the  most  expert  physiognomist  could  have 
rirferred  to  astonishment,  curiosity,  or  any  other  known 
passion  that  agitates  the  human  breast  Mr.  Tupman 
gazed  on  the  fat  boy,  and  the  fat  boy  stared  at  him ; 
and  the  longer  Mr.  Tupman  observed  the  utter  vacancy 
of  the  fat  boy's  countenance,  the  more  convinced  lie  be- 


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158  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

came  that  he  either  did  not  know,  or  did  not  understand 
anything  that  had  been  going  forward.  Under  this  im- 
pression, he  said  with  great  firmness,  — 

**  What  do  you  want  here,  sir?" 

"  Supper's  ready,  sir,"  was  the  prompt  reply. 

"  Have  you  just  come  here,  sir?**  inquired  Mr.  Tup- 
man,  with  a  piercing  look. 

"  Just,"  replied  the  fat  boy. 

Mr.  Tupman  looked  at  him  very  hard  agabi ;  but 
there  was  not  a  wink  in  his  eye,  or  a  curve  in  his 
face. 

Mr.  Tupman  took  the  arm  of  the  spinster  aunt, 
and  walked  towards  the  house ;  the  fat  boy  followed 
behind. 

^  He  knows  nothing  of  what  has  happened,"  he  whis- 
pered. 

"  Nothing,"  said  the  spinster  aunt 

There  was  a  sound  behind  them,  as  ^  an  imperfectly 
suppressed  chuckle.  Mr.  Tupman  turned  sharply  round. 
No ;  it  could  not  have  been  the  fat  boy ;  there  was  not 
a  gleam  of  mirth,  or  anything  but  feeding  in  his  whole 
visage. 

**  He  must  have  been  fast  asleep,"  whispered  Mr. 
Tupman. 

"  I  have  not  the  least  doubt  of  it,"  replied  the  spinster 
aunt. 

They  both  laughed  heartily. 

Mr.  Tupman  was  wrong.  The  fat  boy,  for  once,  had 
not  been  fast  asleep.  He  was  awake  —  wide  awake  — 
to  what  had  been  going  forward. 

The  supper  passed  off  without  any  attempt  at  a  gen- 
eral conversation.  Hie  old  lady  had  gone  to  bed ;  Isa- 
bella Wardle  devoted  herself  exclusively  to  Mr.  Trundio ; 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  l5S 

tfi^  Blaster  auntfs  attendons  were  reserved  for  Mr. 
Tupman ;  and  Ernil/s  thoughts  'appeared  to  be  en- 
grossed  hy  some  distinct  object  —  possibly  they  were 
with  the  absent  Snodgrass. 

Eleven  —  twelve  —  one  o'dock  had  stmck,  and 
the  gentlemen  had  not  arrived.  Consternation  sat  on 
every  face.  Could  they  have  been  waylaid  and  robbed  ? 
Should  they  send  men  and  lanterns  in  every  direction 
by  which  they  conld  be  supposed  likely  to  have  travelled 

home  ?  or  should  they Hark !   there  they  were. 

What  could  have  made  them  so  late  ?  A  strange  voice, 
too !  To  whom  could  it  belong  ?  They  rushed  into  the 
kitchen  whither  the  truants  had  repaired,  and  at  once 
obtained  rather  more  than  a  Simmering  of  the  real  state 
of  the  case. 

Mr«  Pickwick  with  his  hands  in  his  pod^ets  and  his 
hat  cocked  completely  over  his  left  eye,  was  leanhig 
against  the  dneatt,  shaking  his  head  from  side  to  side, 
and  pt>dhici]ig  a  constant  succession  of  the  blandest  and 
most  benevolent  smiles  without  being  moved  thereunto 
by  any  discernible  cause  or  pretence  whatsoever;  old 
Mr.  Wardle  with  a  highly  inflamed  countenance,  was 
grasping  the  hand  of  a  strange  gentleman  muttering 
protestations  of  eternal  friendship ;  Mr.  Winkle,  sup- 
porting himself  by  the  eight-day  clock,  was  feebly  in- 
voking destructioii  upon  the  head  of  any  member  of  the 
fimiily  who  should  suggest  the  propriety  of  his  retiring 
for  the  ni^t ;  and  Mr.  Snodgrass  had  sunk  into  a  chair 
with  an  eiqpression  of  the  most  abject  and  hopeless 
miseiy  thai  ike  human  mind  can  imagine,  portrayed  in 
every  lineament  of  hi»  expressive  face. 

^  Is  anythmg  the  matter?''  inquired  the  three  la^es. 

«MoUiia'  the  matter,"  repfied  Mn  Pickwick.    •'We 


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160  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

—  we're  —  all  right — I  say,  Wardle,  we're  all  ri|^y 
aVtwe?" 

^'I  should  think  so,"  replied  the  jolly  ho6t» —  '^  M/ 
dears,  here's  mj  friend  Mr.  Jingle — Mr.  PidLwick't 
friend,  Mr.  Jingle,  come  'pon  —  little  visit*" 

^  Is  anything  the  matter  with  Mr.  Snodgrasa,  sir  ? " 
inquired  Emily,  with  great  anxiety. 

^  Nothing  the  matter,  ma'am,"  replied  the  stranger. 
^  Cricket  dinner  —  glorious  party  —  capital  songs  — 
old  port  —  claret — good  —  very  good  —  wine,  Ma'am 

—  vrine." 

"  It  wasn't  the  wine,"  murmured  Mr.  Snodgrass,  in  a 
broken  voice.  ^  It  was  the  salmon."  (Somehow  or 
other,  it  never  is  the  wine  in  these  cases.) 

^Hadn't  they  better  go  to  bed  ma'am?"  inquired 
Emma.  ^  Two  of  the  boys  will  carry  the  gentlemen 
up-stairs." 

<<I  won't  go  to  bed,"  said  Mr.  Winkle  firmly. 

^  No  living  boy  shall  carry  me,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick* 
stoutly  ;  —  and  he  went  on  smiling  as  before. 

*"  Hunah  I "  gasped  Mr.  Winkle  faintly. 

"  Hurrah  I "  echoed  Mr.  Pickwick,  taking  off  his  hat 
and  dashing  it  on  the  floor,  and  insanely  casting  his 
spectacles  into  the  middle  of  the  kitchen.  —  At  this 
humorous  feat  he  laughed  outright 

"  Lijt's— have— 'nother— bottle,"  cried  Mr.  Winkle, 
commencing  in  a  very  loud  key,  and  ending  in  a  very 
faint  one.  His  head  dropped  upon  his  breast;  and, 
muttering  his  invincible  determination  not  to  go  to  his  bed, 
and  a  sanguinary  regret  that  he  had  not  ^  done  for  old 
Tupraan  "  in  the  morning,  he  fell-  fast  asleep ;  in  which 
condition  he  was  borne  to  his  apartment  by  two  yoong 
giants  under  the  personal  superintendence  of  the  fitt 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  161 

boy,  to  whose  protecting  care  Mr.  Snodgrass  shortl/ 
afterwards  confided  his  own  person.  Mr.  Pickwick  ac- 
cepted the  proffered  arm  of  Mr.  Tupman,  and  quietlj 
disappeared,  smiling  more  than  ever ;  and  Mr.  Wardle, 
afler  taking  as  affectionate  a  leave  of  the  whole  familj 
as  if  he  were  ordered  for  immediate  execution,  consigned 
to  Mr.  Trundle  the  honor  of  convejing  him  up  staira, 
and  retired,  with  a  verj  futile  attempt  to  k)ok  imprea* 
aively  solemn  and  dignified. 

^  What  a  shocking  scene ! "  said  the  spinster  aunt. 

^  Dis — gusting  I  **  ejaculated  both  the  young  ladies. 

**  Dreadful  —  dreadful  I "  said  Jingle,  looking  very 
grave ;  he  w:is  about  a  bottle  and  a  half  ahead  of  any 
of  his  companions.    "  Horrid  spectacle  —  very." 

^  What  a  nice  man  I "  whispered  the  spinster  aunt  to 
Mr.  Tupman. 

"  Good-looking,  too  I  **  whispered  Emily  Wardle, 

<*  Oh,  decidedly,"  observed  the  spinster  aunt. 

Mr.  Tupman  thought  of  the  widow  at  Rochester :  and 
his  mind  was  troubled.  The  succeeding  half-hour^s  con- 
versation was  not  of  a  nature  to  calm  his  perturbed 
spirit.  The  new  visitor  was  very  talkative,  and  the 
number  of  his  anecdotes  was  only  to  be  exceeded  by 
the  extent  of  his  politeness.  Mr.  Tupman  felt,  that  as 
Jingle's  popularity  increased,  he  (Tupman)  retired  far- 
ther into  the  shade.  His  laughter  was  forced — his 
merriment  feigned ;  and  when  at  last  he  laid  his  aphing 
temples  between  the  sheets,  he  thought,  with  horrid  de- 
light on  the  satisfaction  it  would  afford  him,  to  have 
Jingle's  head  at  that  moment  between  the  feather  bed 
and  the  mattress. 

The  indefatigable  stranger  rose  betimes  next  morning, 
lod,  although  his  companions  remained  in  bed  overpow- 


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162  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OP 

r     * 

ered  with  the  disaipatum  o£  the  previous  nighty  exerted 
himself  most  successfully  to  promote  the  hilarity  of  the 
breakfast-table.  So  successful  were  his  efforts,  that  even 
the  deaf  old  lady  insisted  on  having  one  or  two  of  hia 
best  jokes  retailed  through  the  trumpet ;  and  even  she 
condescended  to  observe  to  the  spinster  aunt,  that  ^  he  " 
(meaning  Jingle)  '<was  an  impudent  young  feUow:" 
a  sentiment  in  which  all  her  relations  then  and  there 
present  thoroughly  coincided^ 

It  was  the  old  lady's  habit  on  the  fine  summer  iDom^ 
ings  to  repair  to  the  arbor  in  which  Mr.  Tupman  had 
already  signalized  himself  in  form  aad  manner  follow- 
ing :  first,  the  fkt  boy  fetched  from  a  peg  behind  the  old 
lady's  bedroom  door,  a  close  black  satin  bonnet,  a  warm 
cotton  shawl,  and  a  thick  stick  with  a  capacious  handle ; 
and  the  old  lady  having  put  on  the  bonnet  and  shawl  at 
her  leisure,  would  lean  one  hand  on  the  stick  and  the 
other  on  the  fat  boy's  shoulder,  and  walk  leisurely  to 
the  arbor,  where  the  fat  boy  would  leave  her  to  enjoy 
the  fresh  air  for  the  space  of  half  an  hour ;  at  the  ex* 
piration  of  which  time  he  would  return  and  reconduct 
her  to  the  house. 

The  old  lady  was  very  precise  and  very  particular  ; 
and  as  this  ceremony  had  been  observed  for  three  suc- 
cessive summers  without  the  slightest  deviation  from  the 
accustomed  form,  she  was  not  a  little  surprised  on  this 
particular  morning,  to  see  the  fat  lx)y,  instead  of  leaving 
the  arbor,  walk  a  few  paces  out  of  it,  look  carefully 
round  him  in  every  direction,  and  return  towards  her 
with  great  stealth  and  an  air  of  the  most  profound 
mystery. 

The  old  lady  was  timorous  —  most  old  ladies  are  -— > 
and  her  first  impression  was  that  the  bloated  lad  waa 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  16» 

about  to  do  her  some  grievous  bodily  hann,  with  the  view 
of  possessing  himsdf  of  her  loose  ccnn.  She  would  have 
cried  for  assistanoe,  but  age  and  inflrouijF  had  long  ago 
deprived  her  of  the  power  of  screaming ;  she,  therefore, 
watched  his  Qiotions  with  feelings  of  intense  terror,  which 
were  in  no  degree  diminished  by  his  coming  dose  up  to 
her,  and  shouting  in  her  ear  in  an  agitated,  and,  as  it 
seemed  to  her,  a  threatening  tone: 

"Missus  I" 

Now  it  so  happened  that  Mr.  Jingle  was  walking  in 
Uie  garden  close  to  the  arbor  at  this  moment.  He  too 
heard  the  shout  of  "  Missus,"  and  stopped  to  hear  more. 
There  were  three  reasons  for  his  doing  so.  In  the  first 
place,  he  was  idle  and  curious ;  secondly,  he  was  l^  no 
means  scrupulous ;  thirdly,  and  lastly,  he  was  concealed 
from  view  by  some  flowering  Shrubs.  So  there  he  stood, 
and  there  he  listened. 

"  Missus  I "  shouted  the  fat  boy. 

**  Well,  Joe,"  said  the  trembling  old  lady.  •*  Fm  sure 
I  have  been  a  good  mistress  to  yoa,  Joe.  Tou  have 
invariably  been  treated  very  kindly.  You  have  never 
had  too  much  to  do ;  and  you  hi^ve  always  had  enough 
to  eat." 

This  hist  was  an  appeal  to  the  &t  boy's  most  sensi- 
tive feelings.  He  seemed  touched,  as  he  replied  emphat- 
ically : 

"  I  knows  I  has." 

"Then  what  can  you  want  to  do  now?"  said  the  old 
lady,  gaining  courage* 

"1  wants  to  make  your  flesh  cveep,"  replied  the 
boy. 

This  sounded  like  a  very  bloodthirsty  mode  of  show- 
ing one's  gratitude  $  and  as  the  old  lady  did  not  precisely 

VOL.  I.  11 


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164  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

understand  the  process  bj  whidi  such  a  result  was  to  be 
attained,  all  her  former  horrors  returned. 

«*What  do  you  think  I  see  in  this  very  arbor  last 
night?"  inquired  the  boy. 

**  Bless  us!  What?"  exclaimed  the  old  lady,  alarmed 
at  the  solemn  manner  of  the  corpulent  youth* 

^The  strange  gentleman — him  as  had  his  arm  hurt— 
a  kissin'  and  huggin' * 

"  Who,  Joe  ?    None  of  the  servants,  I  hope." 

«  Worser  than  "that,"  roared  the  fbt  boy  in  the  old 
lady's  ear. 

•*  Not  one  of  my  grand-da*aters  ?  " 

«  Worser  than  that" 

**  Worse  than  that^  Joe  I "  said  the  old  lady,  who  had 
thought  this  the  extreme  limit  of  human  atrocity.  ^  Who 
was  it,  Joe  ?    I  insist  upon  knowing." 

Tlie  fat  boy  looked  cautiously  round,  and  having  con* 
eluded  his  survey,  shouted  in  the  old  lad/s  ear : 

«  Miss  Rachael." 

*^  What ! "  said  die  old  lady  in  a  shrill  tone.  '^  Speak 
louder." 

«  Miss  Rachael,"  roared  the  fat  boy. 

**Myda*ater?" 

The  train  of  nods  which  the  fint  boy  gave  by  way  of 
assent,  communicated  a  blcme-mange  like  motion  to  liis 
fat  cheeks. 

^  And  she  suffered  him ! "  exclaimed  the  old  lady. 

A  grin  stole  over  the  fkt  boy's  features  as  he  said : 

•*  I  see  her  a-kissin'  of  him  ag'in." 

If  Mr.  Jingle,  from  his  place  of  concealment,  could 
have  beheld  the  expression  which  the  old  lad/s  fiice 
assumed  at  this  conmiunication,  the  probability  is  that 
a  sudden  burst  of  laughter  would  have  betrayed   hia 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLD&  165 

close  vicmitj  to  the  smomer-lioiiae*  He  listened  atten- 
tively. Fragments  of  angry  sentences  snch  as,  ^  With- 
out my  permission ! "  —  "At  her  time  of  life."  —  **  Mis- 
erable old  'ooman  like  me** — "Might  hare  waited  till 
I  was  dead,"  and  so  forth,  reached  his  ears ;  and  then 
he  heard  the  heels  of  the  fat  boy's  boots  crunching  the 
gravely  as  he  retired  and  left  the  old  lady  alone. 

It  was  a  remarkable  coincidence  perhapc^  but  it  was 
nevertheless  a  fact,  that  Mr.  Jingle,  within  five  minutes 
after  hb  arrival  at  Manor  Farm  on  the  preceding  night, 
had  inwardly  resolved  to  lay  siege  to  the  heart  of  the 
spinster  aunt  without  delay.  He  had  observation  enou^ 
to  see,  that  his  c^-hand  manner  was  by  no  means  disa- 
greeable to  the  fair  object  of  his  attack;  and  he  bad 
more  than  a  strong  suspicion  that  she  possessed  that 
most  desirable  of  all  requisites,  a  small  independence. 
The  imperative  necessity  of  ousting  his  rival  by  some 
means  or  other,  flashed  quiddy  upon  him,  and  he  iin- 
mediately  resolved  to  adopt  certain  proceedings  tending 
to  that  end  and  object,  without  a  moments  delay.  Find- 
ing tells  us  that  man  is  fire,  and  woman  tow,  and  the 
Prince  of  Darkness  sets  a  light  to  'em.  Mr.  Jingle 
knew  that  young  men  to  spinster  aunts  are  as  lighted 
gas  to  gunpowder,  and  he  determined  to  essay  the  effect 
of  an  explosion  without  loss  of  time. 

Full  of  reflections  upon  this  important  decision, 
he  crept  from  his  place  of  concealment,  and,  under 
cover  of  the  shrubs  before  mentioned,  approached  the 
house.  Fortune  seemed  determined  to  favor  his  design. 
Mr.  Tupman  and  the  rest  of  the  gentlemen  left  the  gar- 
den by  the  side  gate  just  as  he  obtained  a  view  of  it ; 
and  the  young  ladies  he  knew,  had  walked  out  alone, 
3oon  afler  bresjLfast    The  coast  was  clear. 


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1G6  POSTHUMOUB  PAPERS  OF 

The  breskfasUparior  do<nr  was  psrtiallj  open.  He 
peeped  is.  The  spioBler  fliint  was  Imitting.  He 
oou^ed ;  she  locked  up  and  smiled.  Hesitation  formed 
no  part  of  Mr.  AlfMI  Jingle's  character.  He  laid  his 
finger  on  his  lips  mjBterioasly,  walked  in,  and  dbsed  the 
door 

<<  Miss  Wardle,**  said  Mr.  tHngle,  with  affected  earnest- 
ness,  ^  fbrgive  intrusion  —  short  acquaintance  —  no  time 
for  ceremony  —  all  discovered." 

^  Sir  I "  said  the  sjHnster  annl^  rather  astonished  by 
the  unexpected  apparition  and  somewhat  doubtfld  of  Mr. 
Jingle's  sanity. 

^Hush!"  said  Mr.  tHngle,  in  a  stage  whisper;  — 
^kige  boy — dumpling  hce  —  round  eyes — rascal!* 
Here  he  shook  his  head  expressivdyy  and  the  spinster 
aont  tnmbled  with  agitation. 

^  I  presume  you  allude  to  Joseph, sir ?**  said  the  lady, 
making  an  effiNrt  ta  appear  composed. 

^Tes,  ma'am — damn  that  Joe!  —  treacherous  do^ 
Joe — told  the  old  lady — iM  lady  furious  —  wfld  — 
ravings* arbor — Tupman  —  kissing  and  hugging  — all 
that  sort  of  thing -^  eh,  ma'am  —  eh?" 

^  Mr.  ^ngle,"  said  the  spinster  aunt^  ^  2f  you  come 
here,  sir,  to  insult  me  " 

^  Not  at  all — by  no  means,"  replied  the  unabashed 
Mr.  Jingle;  —  ^overheard  the  tale — came  to  warn  you 
of  your  danger — tender  my  services — prevent  the 
hubbub.  Nevermind — think  it  an  insult  —  leave  the 
room  "  —  and  he  turned,  as  if  to  carry  the  threat  into 
execution. 

*^  What  shall  I  do  I "  said  the  poor  spinster,  burslbig 
into  tear».    **  My  brother  will  be  furious  I " 

^  Of  course  lie  will,"  said  Mr.  Jingle  pausing  — ^  out- 
rageous." 

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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  J  #7 

*  Oh  Mr.  Jingle,  what  can  I  say  I "  exckumdd  the 
8pinster  aimt,  ib  another  flood  of  deq>air. 

**  Say  he  4i*eamt  it,"  replied  Mr.  Jingle,  coolly. 

A  ray  of  eomfort  darted  across  the  mind  of  the  spin* 
ster  aunt  at  this  suggestion.  Mr.  Jingle  peroeired  it, 
and  followed  up  his  advantage. 

^'  Pooh,  pooh !  —  nothing  more  easy  —  hlackgoard  hoy 
—  lovely  wonuux  —  fat  hoy  hcursewhipped  —  yon  be- 
liered  —  end  of  the  matter  —  all  comfortable.'' 

Whether  the  probability  of  escaping  from  the  oonse* 
quences  of  this  ill-timed  discovery  was  delightful  to  the 
spinstei^s  feelings,  or  whether  the  hearing  herself  de- 
scribed as  a  '*  lovely  woman  "  soflened  the  asperity  of 
her  grief,  we  know  not  She  blushed  sli^tly,  and  oast 
a  gratefol  look  on  Mr.  Jingle. 

That  insinuating  gentleman  sighed  deeply,  fixed  his 
eyes  on  Uie  spinster  aunt's  &ce  for  a  couple  of  minutes, 
started  melodramatically,  and  then  suddenly  withdrew 
them. 

**  Tou  seem  unhappy,  Mr.  Jingle,"  said  the  lady,  in  a 
plaintive  v<nce.  "  May  I  show  my  gratitude  for  your 
iund  interference,  by  inquiring  into  the  cause,  with  a 
view,  if  possible,  to  its  removal  ?  " 

^  Ha  I "  exclaimed  Mr.  Jin^e,  with  another  start*— 
**  removal !  remove  m^  unhappiness,  and  your  love  be- 
stowed upon  a  man  who  is  insensible  to  the  blessing — 
who  even  now  contemplates  a  design  upon  the  affections 
of  the  niece  of  the  creature  who  —  but  no ;  he  is  my 
friend;  I  will  not  expose  his  vices.  Miss  Wardle-^ 
farewell  I "  At  the  conclusion  of  this  address,  the  most 
consecutive  he  was  ever  known  to  utter,  Mr.  Jingle  ap 
plied  to  his  eyes  the  remnant  of  a  handkerchief  before 
^loticed,  and  turned  towards  the  door. 


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168  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

**  Stay,  Mr.  Jingle ! "  said  the  spinster  aunt  emphad- 
callj.  ^  You  have  made  an  allusion  to  Mr.  Tupman  — 
explain  it." 

<*  Never ! "  exclaimed  Jingle,  with  a  professional  (i.e. 
theatrical)  air.  "  Never  1"  and,  by  way  of  showing  that 
he  had  no  desire  to  be  questioned  further,  he  drew  a 
chair  close  to  that  of  the  spinster  aunt  and  sat  down. 

^  Mr.  Jingle,"  said  the  aunt,  ^I  entreat — I  implore 
you,  if  there  is  any  dreadful  mystery  connected  with  Mr. 
Tupman,  reveal  it." 

^  Can  I,"  said  Mr.  Jingle,  fixing  his  eyes  on  the  aunf  s 
fape — "  Can  I  see  —  lovely  creature  — r  sacrificed  at  the 
shrine  —  heartless  avarice  I "  He  appeared  to  be  strug- 
gling with  various  conflicting  emotions  for  a  few  seconds, 
and  then  said  in  a  low  deep  voice  — 

**  Tupman  only  wants  your  money." 

**  The  wretch  I  **  exclaimed  the  spinster,  with  energetie 
indignation.  (Mr.  tHngle's  doubts  were  resolved.  She 
had  money.) 

.  **  More  than  that,"  said  Jingle  —  "  loves  another." 

**  Another ! "  ejaculated  the  spinster.    ♦*  Who  ?  " 

**  Short  girl  —  black  eyes  —  niece  Emily." 

There  was  a  pause. 

Now,  if  there  were  one  individual  in  the  whole  world, 
of  whom  the  spinster  aunt  entertained  a  mortal  and 
deeply-rooted  jealousy,  it  was  this  identical  niece.  The 
color  rushed  over  her  &ce  and  neck,  and  she  tossed  her 
head  in  silence  with  an  air  of  ineffable  contempt.  At 
last,  biting  her  thin  lips,  and  bridling  up,  she  said,  — 

« It  can't  be.    I  won't  believe  it" 

«*  Watch  'em,"  s^d  Jmgle, 

« I  win,"  said  the  aunt 

«  Watch  his  looks." 


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THE  HCKWICK  CLUB.  169 

"IwilL" 

^  His  whispers.'* 

^^IwilL" 

<<  He'U  sit  next  her  at  table.* 

"  Let  him." 

«  He'U  flatter  her." 

*•  Let  him." 

^  He'll  pay  her  every  possible  attention." 

«  Let  him." 

«  And  he'll  cut  you." 

^Cutf?M/"  screamed  the  spinster  aunt  ''JKcutnM;— « 
wiUhe  I "  and  she  trembled  with  rage  and  disappointment 

"  You  will  convince  yourself?"  said  Jingle.  * 

"IwiU." 

"  You'll  show  your  spirit?  " 

**Iwill." 

^  You'll  not  have  him  afterwards  ?  " 

«  Never." 

*^  Youll  take  somebody  else  ?  ** 

-*Yes." 

«  You  shall" 

Mr.  Jingle  fell  on  his  knees,  remained  thereupon  for 
ftve  minutes  thereafter :  and  rose  the  accepted  lover  of 
the  spinster  aunt :  conditionally  upon  Tupman's  peijury 
being  nuu^t^  dear  and  manifest 

The  burden  of  proof  lay  with  Mr.  Alfred  Jingle ;  and 
he  produced  his  evidence  that  very  day  at  dinner.  The 
spinster  aunt  could  hardly  believe  her  eyes.  Mr.  Tracy 
Tupman  was  established  at  Emily's  side,  ogling,  whisper* 
ing,  and  smiling,  in  opposition  to  Mr.  Snodgrass.  Not  a 
frord,  not  a  look,  not  a  glance,  did  he  bestow  upon  his 
heart's  pride  of  the  evening  before. 

*"  Damn  that  boy ! "  thou^t  old  Mr.  Wardle  to  him- 


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170  POSTHtJMOtJS  PAPERS  OP 

self.  —  He  had  heard  the  story  from  his  mother. 
^  Damn  that  boy  I  He  must  have  been  asleep.  It*8  all 
unagination." 

^  Traitor !  "  thought  the  spinster  aunt.  *^  Dear  Mr. 
Jingle  was  not  deceiving  me.  Ugh  I  how  I  hate  the 
wretch  ! " 

The  following  conversation  may  serve  to  explidn  to 
aar  readers,  this  apparently  unaccountable  alteration  of 
deportment,. on  the  part  of  Mr.  Tracy  Tupman. 

The  time  was  evening ;  the  scene  the  garden.  There 
were  two  figures  i^alking  in  a  side  path ;  one  was  rather 
Bhort  and  stout ;  liie  other  rather  tall  and  slim.  They 
were  Mr.  Tupman  and  Mr.  Jingle.  The  stout  figure 
commenced  the  dialogue. 

«How  did  I  do  it?"  he  inquired. 

^Splendid — capital — couldn't  act  better  myself — 
you  must  repeat  the  part  to-morrow  ^-«  every  evening, 
tin  further  notice." 

*"  Does  Bachael  still  wish  it?" 

^  Of  course  —  she  don't  Hke  it — but  must  be  done  — 
avert  suspicion  —  afraid  of  her  brother — says  there's  no 
help  fbr  it— only  few  dajrs  more — when  M  folks 
blinded  —  crown  your  happiness." 

**  Any  message?" 

'^Love — best  love — kindest  regards -^uni^teraUe 
affection.    Can  I  say  anything  for  you  ?  " 

^  My  dear  fellow,"  replied  the  unsu^idous  Mr.  Tap- 
man,  fervently  grasping  his  ^  fiiend's  "  hand  —  ^  carry 
my  best  love  —  say  how  hard  I  find  il  to  dissemble- 
say  anything  that^s  kind :  but  add  how  sensible  I  am  of 
the  necesdty  of  the  suggestion  she  made  to  me,  througli 
you,  this  morning.  Say  I  applaud  hw  wisdom  and  ad- 
mire her  discretioiu" 


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rHE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  171 

^  I  win.    Anything  more  ?  ** 

^  Nothing ;  only  add  how  ardently  I  long  for  the  time 
when  I  may  call  her  mine,  and  all  dissimulation  may  be 
unnecessary." 

**  Certainly,  certainly.     Anything  more  ?  " 

"Oh,  my  friend!*  said  poor  Mr.  Tupman,  again 
grasping  the  hand  of  his  companion,  "  receive  my  warm* 
est  thanks  for  your  disinterested  kindness;  and  forgive 
me  if  I  have  ever,  even  in  thought,  done  you  the  injus- 
tice of  supposing  that  you  catdd  stand  in  my  way.  My 
dear  friend  can  I  ever  repay  you  ?  ** 

"Don't  talk  of  it,"  replied  Mr.  Jingle.  He  stopped 
short,  as  if  suddenly  recollecting  something,  and  said,  — 
*  By-the-by  —  can't  spare  ten  pounds,  can  you  ?  —  very 
particular  purpose  —  pay  you  in  three  days." 

"  I  dare  say  I  can,"  replied  Mr.  Tupman,  in  the  ftd- 
ness  of  his  heart    "  Three  days,  you  say  ?  " 

"  Only  three  days  —  all  over  then  —  no  more  difficul- 
ties." 

Mr.  Tupman  counted  the  money  into  his  companion's 
liand,  and  he  dropped  it  piece  by  piece  into  his  pocket, 
as  they  walked  towards  the  house. 

«  Be  careful,"  said  Mr.  Jmgle  —  "  not  a  look." 

"  Not  a  wink,"  said  Mr.  Tupman. 

«  Not  a  syllable." 

"  Not  a  whisper." 

"  All  your  attentions  to  the  niece  — •  rather  rude,  than 
odierwise,  to  the  aunt — only  way  of  deceiving  the  old 
ones." 

"  m  take  care,"  said  Mr.  Tupman,  aloud. 

"  And  jPll  take  care,"  said  Mr.  Jingle  internally ;  and 
they  entered  the  house. 

The  scene  of  that  afternoon  was  repeated  that  even- 


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172  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OW 

ing,  and  on  the  three  afUrnoons  and  evenings  next 
ensuing.  On  the  fourth,  the  host  was  in  high  spiritSi 
for  he  had  satisfied  himself  that  there  was  no  ground  for 
the  chai^ge  against  Mr.  Tupman.  So  was  Mr.  Tupman, 
for  Mr.  Jingle  had  told  him  that  his  affair  would  soon 
be  brought  to  a  crisis.  So  was  Mr.  Pickwick,  for  he 
was  seldom  otherwise.  So  was  not  Mr.  Snodgrass,  for 
he  had  grown  jealous  of  Mr.  Tupman.  So  was  the  old 
lady,  for  she  had  been  winning  at  whist.  So  were  Mr. 
Jingle  and  IMQss  Wardle,  for  reasons  of  sufficient  impor- 
tance in  this  eventful  history,  to  be  narrated  in  another 
chapter. 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  17» 


CHAPTER  DL 

A  DI8C0TERT  AND   A   CHA8B. 

The  supper  was  ready  laid,  the  chairs  were  drawn 
nmnd  the  table,  bottles,  jugs,  and  glasses  w^te  arranged 
upon  the  sideboard,  and  everything  betokened  the  ap- 
proach of  the  most  oonviTial  period  in  the  whole  four^ 
and-twenty  hours. 

«  Where's  Rachael ?-  said  Mr.  Wai^e. 

**  Aye,  and  Jingle  ?"  added  Mr.  Pickwick. 

**  Dear  me,**  said  the  host,  « I  wonder  I  haven't  missed 
him  before.  Why,  I  don't  think  Pve  heard  his  voice  for 
two  hours  at  least    Emily,  my  dear,  ring  the  belL" 

The  bell  was  rung,  and  the  fiit  boy  appeared. 

«  Where's  Miss  Rachael  ?  "    He  couldn't  say. 

«  Where's  Mr.  Jingle,  then  ?  *     He  didn't  know. 

Everybody  looked  surprised.  It  was  late  —  past 
eleven  o'clock.  Mr.  Tupman  laughed  in  his  sleeve. 
They  were  loitering  somewhere,  talking  about  kirn* 
Ha,  ha!  capital  notion  that — flinny. 

"Never  mind,"  said  Wardle,  after  a  short  pause, 
"theyTl  turn  up  presently,  I  dare  say.  I  never  wait 
supper  for  anybochf ." 

<<  Excellent  rule,  that,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick,  «admi- 
rable." 

^  Pray,  ait  down,"  said  the  host 


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^7^  POSTHUMOUS  PAPEBS  OF 

^  Certainljy"  said  Mr.  Pickwick :  and  down  they  sat 

There  was  a  gigantic  round  of  cold  beef  on  the  table, 
and  Mr.  Pickwick  was  supplied  with  a  plentiful  portion 
of  it.  He  had  raised  his  fork  to  his  lips,  and  was  on  the 
▼ery  point  of  opening  his  mouth  for  the  reception  of  a 
piece  of  beef,  when  the  hum  of  many  voices  suddenly 
arose  in  the  kitchen.  Hie  paused,  and  laid  down  his 
fork.  Mr.  Wardle  paused  too,  and  insensibly  released 
his  hold  of  the  canrii^g-knife,  which  remained  inserted 
m  the  beef.  He  looked  at  Mr.  Pickwick.  Mr.  Pick- 
wick  }ooked  at  him. 

Heavy  footsteps  were  heard  in  the  passage ;  the  par^ 
lor-door  was  suddenly  burst  open ;  and  the  man  who  had 
cleaned  Mr.  Picki|n<^'s  boots  on  Im  first  arrival,  rushed 
into  the  room,  followed  by  the  fat  boy,  and  all  the  do- 
mestics. 

<<  What  th^  devil'-s  the  meaning  of  this?"  exclaimed 
the  host 

**  The  kitchen  chimney  aVt  a^fire,  is  it^  Emma  ?  **  in* 
quired  the. old  lady. 

**  Lor  grandma !  No,**  spreamed  both  the  young  la- 
dies. 

<<What'8  the  matter?**  roared  the  master  of  the 
house. 

The  man  gasped  for  breath,  and  iaintly  ^aoulated  — 

•*  They  ha'  gone,  Mas'r !  —  gone  ri^t  clean  off,  sir ! " 
(At  this  juncture,  Mr.  Tupman  waa  observed  to  lay  down 
his  knife  and  fork,  and  to  turn  very  pale.) 
•      "  Who's  gone  ?  "  said  Mr.  Wardle,  fiercely. 

^  Mus'r  Jingle  and  Miss  Rachael,  in  a  po'-chay,  from 
Blue  Lion,  Muggleton.  I  was  there;  but  I  couldn't 
stop  'em;  so  I  run  off  to  tell  'ee." 

"  I  paid  his  expenses  1 "  said  Mr,  TupfniMci,  jiunping 


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TOT  PKKWICK  CLUB.    ^  17^ 

up  frantiQallj.  **  He's  got  ten  pounds  of  mine! —  atop 
him !  —  he's  swindled  me  ^I  won't  bear  it !  —  Til  have 
justicj^  Pickwick  I  —  I  won't  stand  it  I "  and  with  sun- 
dry incoherent  exclamations  of  the  like  nature,  the 
unhappy  gentleman  spun  round  and  round  the  ^art* 
ment,  in  a  transport  of  frenzj. 

"  Lord  preserve  us  I"  ejaculafted  Mr.  Pickwick,  eying 
the  extraordinary  gestures  of  his  friend  with  terrified 
surprise.    ^He's  gone  mad!    What  shall  we  do!" 

"  Do ! "  said  the  stout  old  host,  who  regarded  only  the 
last  words  of  the  sentence.  ^  Put  the  horse  in  the  gig ! 
m  get  a  chaise  at  tSe  Lion,  and  follow  'em  instantly. 
W^re  "  —  he  exclaimedi  as  the  man  ran  out  to  execute 
the  commission  —  **  Where's  that  villain,  Joe  ?  " 

^  Here  I  am ;  but  I  ha'n't  a  willin,"  replied  a  voice. 
It  was  the  fat  boy's. 

*^  Let  me  g^t^at  lum,  Pickwick ! "  cried  Wardle,  as  he 
ruslied  at  the  ill-starred  youth.  ^  He  was  bribed  by  thai 
scoundrel,  Jingle,  to  put  me  on  a  wrong  scent,  by  telling 
a  cQck«and-a-bull  story  of  my  sister  and  your  friend  Tup- 
man  ! "  (Here  Mr.  Tupman  sunk  into  a  chair.)  **  Let 
me  get  at  him ! " 

^ Don't  let  him!"  screamed  all  the  women,  above 
whose  exclamations,  the  blubbering  of  the  fat  boy,  was 
distinctly  andible. 

**  I  won't  be  held !"  cried  the  old  man.  " Mr.  Winlle, 
take  your  hands  off  I    Mr.  Pickwick,  let  me  go,  sir  ! " 

It  was  a  beautiful  sight,  in  that  moment  of  turmoil 
and  confusion,  to  behold  the  placid  and  philosophical 
expression  of  Mr.  Pickwick's  face,  albeit  somewhat 
flushed  with  exertion,  as  he  stood  with  his  arms  firmly 
clasped  round  the  extensive  waist  of  their  corpulent  host, 
thus  restraining  the  impetuosity  of  his  passion,  while  the 


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176  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

fat  hoj  was  scratdbied,  and  pulled,  and  pushed  from  the 
room  by  all  the  females  conpregated  therein.  He  had 
no  sooner  released  his  hold,  than  the  man  entered  to 
announce  that  the  gig  was  readj. 

^ Don't  let  him  go  alone!"  screamed  the  females. 
«He'U  kill  somebody  l** 

**  111  go  with  him,"  smd  Mr.  Pickwick. 

"You're  a  good  fellow,  Pickwick,"  said  the  host, 
gprasping  his  hand.  "  Emma,  give  Mr.  Pickwick  a  shawl 
to  tie  round  his  neck  —  make  haste.  Look  after  your 
grandmother,  giris;  she  has  faint^  away.  Now  then, 
are  you  ready?" 

Mr.  Pickwick's  mouth  and  chin,  having  been  hastily 
enveloped  in  a  large  shawl :  his  hat  having  been  put  on 
his  head,  and  his  great-coat  thrown  over  his  arm,  he  re- 
plied in  the  affirmative. 

They  jumped  into  the  gig.  "  Give  her,  her  head, 
Tom,"  cried  the  host ;  and  away  they  went,  down  the 
narrow  lanes:  jolting  in  and  out  of  the  cart-ruts,  and 
bumping  up  against  the  hedges  on  either  side,  as  if  they 
would  go  to  pieces  every  moment 

"How  much  are  they  ahead?"  shouted  Wardle,  as 
they  drove  up  to  the  door  of  the  Blue  Lion,  round  which 
a  little  crowd  had  collected,  late  as  it  was. 

"Not  a]x>ve  thr^  quarters  of  an  hour,"  was  every- 
body's reply. 

"  Chaise  and  four  directly  I  —  out  with  'em  I  Put  up 
the  ^g  afterwards." 

"  Now,  boys ! "  cried  the  landlord  —  "  chaise  and  four 
out  —  make  haste  —  look  alive  there  1 " 

Away  ran  the  hostlers,  and  the  boys.  The  lanterns 
glimmered,  as  the  men  ran  to  and  fh) ;  the  horses'  hoo& 
clattered  on  the  uneven  paving  oi  the  yard ;  the  chaise 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  177 

rumbled  as  it  was  drawn  out  of  the  coach-house ;  and 
a]^  was  noise  and  bustle. 

^  Now  then  I  —  is  that  chaise  coming  out  to-night  ?  ^ 
cried  Wardle, 

^  Coming  down  the  jard  now,  sir,^  replied  the  hostler. 

Out  came  the  chaise  —  in  went  the  horses  — •  oo 
sprung  the  bojs  —  in  got  the  travellers. 

^Mind  —  the  seven-mile  stage  in  less  than  half  an 
hour!"  shouted  Wardle. 

"Off  with  you  I" 

The  bojs  applied  whip  and  spur,  the  waiters  shouted, 
the  hostlers  cheered,  and  awaj  thej  went,  fast  and  furi- 
ously. 

"Pretty  situation,**  thought  Mr.  Pickwick,  when  he 
had  had  a  moment's  time  for  reflection.  "  Pretty  situa- 
tion &r  the  Greneral  Chairman  of  the  Pickwick  Club. 
Damp  chaise  —  strange  horses  —  fifteen  miles  an  hour 
—  and  twelve  o'clock  at  night  I  ** 

For  the  first  three  or  four  miles,  not  a  word  was 
spoken  by  either  of  the  gentlemen,  each  being  too  much 
immersed  in  his  own  reflections,  to  address  any  observa- 
ti<ms  to  his  companion.  When  they  had  gone  over  that 
much  ground,  however,  and  the  horses  getting  thoroughly 
warmed  began  to  do  their  work  in  really  good  style, 
Mr.  Pickwick  became  too  much  exhilarated  with  the 
rapidiQr  of  ,the  motion,  to  remain  any  longer  perfectly 
mute. 

"  We're  sure  to  catch  them,  I  think,**  said  he. 

"  Hope  so^"  replied  his  companion. 

"  Fine  night,**  said  Mr.  Pickwick,  looking  up  at  the 
moon,  which  was  shining  brightly. 

"  So  much  the  worse,"  returned  Wardle ;  "  for  they'll 
have  had  all  the  advantage  of  the  moonlight  to  get  the 


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178  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

Btart  of  us,  and  we  shall  lose  it  It  will  have  gone  down 
in  another  hour."  * 

^  It  will  be  rather  unpleasant  going  at  this  rate  in  the 
dark,  won't  it  ?  "  inquired  Mr.  Pickwick. 

"  I  dare  say  it  will,"  replied  hb  friend  dryly. 

Mr.  Pickwick's  temporary  excitement  began  to  sober 
down  a  little,  as  he  reflected  upon  the  inconveniences  and 
dangers  of  the  expedition  in  which  he  had  so  thought- 
lessly embarked.  He  was  roused  by  a  loud  shouting  of 
the  post-boy  on  the  leader. 

**  Yo  —  yo — yo  —  yo  —  yoe,"  went  the  first  boy. 

**  To  —  yo  —  yo  —  yofe  ! "  went  the  second. 

**  Yo  —  yo  —  yo  —  yoe !  ^  chimed  in  old  Wardle  him- 
self, most  lustily,  with  his  head  and  half  his  body  out  of 
the  coach-window. 

"  Yo  —  yo  —  yo  —  yoe  I  *  shouted  Mr.  Pickwidc,  tak- 
ing up  the  burden  of  the  cry,  though  he  had  not  the 
slightest  notion  of  its  meaning  or  object  And  amidst 
the  yo  —  yoing  of  the  whole  four,  the  chaise  stopped. 

"  Whafs  the  matter?"  inquired  Mr.  Pickwidt. 

"There's  a  gate  here,"  replied  old  Wardle.  « We 
shall  hear  something  of  the  ^gitives." 

After  a  lapse  of  five  minutes,  consumed  in  incessant 
knocking  and  shouting,  an  old  man  in  his  shirt  and  trou- 
sers emerged  from  the  turnpike-house,  and  opened  the 
gate. 

*<How  long  is  it  since  a  post-chaise  went  through 
here  ?  "  inquired  Mr.  Waidle- 

«Howk)ng?" 

"Ah!" 

"  Why,  I  don't  rightly  know.  It  wom't  a  long  time 
ago,  nor  it  wom't  a  t»hort  time  ago — just  between  the 
two,  perhaps.** 


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THE  TiCKWtCK  CLUB.  17^ 

'  Haa  anj  chaise  been  by  at  all  ?  " 
♦  *•  Oh  yes,  there's  been  a  chay  by.* 

*^  How  long  ago,  my  friend,**  interposed  Mr.  Rckwick, 
"anhour?** 

^Ahy  I  dare  say  it  might  be,**  replied  the  man. 

^Or  two  hours?"  inquired  the  po0t4>oy  on  the 
wheeler. 

^  Well,  I  shoaMnH  wonder  if  it  was,*  retamed  the  old 
man  doubtfully. 

^ Drive  on,  boys,"  cried  the  testy  old  gentleman: 
''don't  waste  any  more  time  with  that  old  idiot!" 

^  Idiot ! "  exclaimed  the  old  man  with  a  grin,  as  he 
stood  in  the  middle  of  the  road  with  the  gate  half-closed, 
watching  the  chaise  which  rapidly  diminished  in  the  in- 
creasing distance.  ^No — not  much  o'  that  either ;  youVe 
lost  ten  minutes  here,  and  gone  away  as  wise  as  you 
came  arter  all  If  every  man  on  the  line  as  has  a  guinea 
give  him  earns  it  half  as  well,  you  won't  catch  t'other 
chay  thie  side  Mich'lmas,  old  short  and  fat"  And  with 
another  prolonged  grin,  the  old  man  closed  ^e  gate,  re- 
entered his  house,  and  bolted  the  door  after  him. 

Meanwhile  the  cbanse  proceeded,  without  any  slacken-* 
iag  of  pace,  towards  Hhe  conclusion  of  the  stage.  The 
moon,  as  Wardle  had  foretold,  was  rapidly  on  the  wane ; 
large  tiers  c^  dark  heavy  douds  which  hand  been  gradu- 
fdly  overspreading  the  sky  for  some  time  pa»t,  now 
formed  one  hlaxk  mass  overhead ;  and  large  drops  of 
-lain  wbidi  pattered  every  now  and  then  against  the  win- 
iowB  of  the  chaise,  seemed  to  warn  the  travellers  of  the 
rapid  approach  of  a  stormy  night  The  wind,  too,  which 
was  directly  against  them,  swept  in  furious  gusts  down 
the  narrow  nMd,  and  howled  dismally  througli  the  trees 
which  skirted  the  pathway.     Mr.  Pickwick  drew  his 

vok  I.  12 


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180  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

coat  closer  about  him,  coiled  himself  more  snugly  up 
into  the  corner  of  the  chaise,  and  fell  into  a  sound  sleep, 
from  which  he  was  only  awakened  by  the  stopping  of  the 
vehicle,  the  sound  of  the  hostler's  bell,  and  a  loud  cry  of 
"  Horses  on  directly ! " 

But  here  another  delay  occurred.  The  boys  weie 
sleeping  with  such  mysterious  soundness,  that  it  took  five 
minutes  apiece  to  wake  them.  The  hostler  had  some- 
how or  other  mislaid  the  key  of  the  stable,  and  even 
when  that  was  found,  two  sleepy  helpers  put  the  wrong 
harness  on  the  wrong  horses,  and  the  whole  process  of 
harnessing  had  to  be  gone  through  afresh.  Had  Mr. 
Pickwick  been  alone,  these  multiplied  obstacles  would 
have  completely  put  an  end  to  the  pursuit  at  once,  but 
old  Wardle  was  not  to  be  so  easily  daunted ;  and  he  laid 
about  him  with  such  hearty  good-will,  cuffing  this  man, 
and  pushmg  that ;  strapping  a  buckle  here,  and  taking  in 
a  link  there,  that  the  chaise  was  ready  in  a  much  shorter 
time  than  could  reasonably  have  been  expected,  under  so 
many  difficulties. 

They  resumed  their  journey ;  and  certainly  the  pros- 
pect before  them  was  by  no  means  encouragmg.  The 
stage  was  fifteen  miles  long,  the  «ni^t  was  dark,  the 
wind  high,  and  the  ram  pouring  in  torrents.  It  was  im- 
possible to  make  any  great  way  against  such  obstacles 
miited :  it  was  hard  upon  one  o'ddek  already ;  and  near- 
ly two  hours  were  consumed  in  getting  to  the  end  of  the 
stage.  Here,  however,  an  object  presented  itself,  whidi 
rddndled  their  hopes,  and  reanimate  their  drooping 
spirits. 

^  When  did  this  chaise  come  in  ? "  cried  old  Wardle^ 
leaping  out  of  his  own  vehicle,  and  pointing  to  one  got. 
ered  with  wet  mud,  which  was' standing  in  the  yard* 


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THK  PICKWICK  CLUB.  181 

**  Not  a  quarter  of  an  hour  ago,  sir ;  *  replied  the  hos- 
tler, to  whom  the  question  was  addressed. 

^Ladj  and  gentleman?*  inquired  Wardle,  almoft 
breathless  with  impatience. 

«  Yes,  sir." 

^Tall  gentleman — dress  ooat  —  kmg  legs -*  thin 
body?" 

«Yes,8ir.'* 

**  Elderly  lady —  thin  face  —  rather  skmny  —  eh  ?  • 

«  Yes,  sir." 

"By  Heavens,  it's  the  couple,  Pickwick,*  exclaimed 
the  old  gentleman. 

**  Would  have  been  here  before,"  said  the  hostler,  **  but 
they  broke  a  trace." 

<"  It  is  I "  said  Wardle,  <<  it  is,  by  Jove !  Chaise  and 
four  instantly  I  We  shall  catch  them  yet,  before  they 
reach  the  next  stage.  A  guinea  apiece,  bojv  —  be  alive 
there — bustle  about — there's  good  fellows." 

And  with  such  admonitions  as  these,  the  old  gentle- 
man ran  up  and  down  the  yard,  and  bustled  to  and  fino, 
in  a  state  of  excitement  which  communicated  itself  to 
Mr.  Pickwick  also ;  and  under  the  influence  of  which, 
that  gentleman  got  himself  into  complicated  entangle- 
ments with  harness,  and  mixed  up  with  horses  and 
wheels  of  chaises,  in  the  most  surprising  manner,  firm- 
ly believing  that  by  so  doing,  he  was  materially  forward- 
ing the  preparations  fbr  their  resuming  their  jour- 
ney. 

^  Jmnp  in  — jump  in  1 "  cried  old  Wardle,  climbing 
into  the  chaise,  pulling  up  the  steps,  and  slamming  the 
door  afler  him.  ^  Come  along !  Make  haste ! "  And 
before  Mr.  Pickwick  knew  precisely  what  he  was  about, 
he  felt  himself  forced  in  at  the  other  door,  by  one  pull 


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182  POSTHUMOUS  FAPERS  OF 

from  the  old  gentleman,  and  one  push  from  the  hostler 
and  off  they  were  again. 

^Ali!  we  am  moving  now/'  said  the  old  gentleman 
exultingly.  Thej  were  indeed,  as  was  sufficiently  testi- 
fied to  Mr.  Pickwick,  by  his  constant  collisions  dither 
with  the  hard  wood-work  of  the  chaise,  or  the  body  of  Ida 
companion. 

"  Hold  up  I "  said  the  stout  old  Mr.  Wardle,  as  Mr, 
Pickwick  dived  head  foremost  into  his  capacious  waistcoat. 

^  I  never  did  feel  such  a  jolting  in  my  life,"  said  Mr. 
Pickwick. 

^  Never  mind,"  replied  his  companion,  ^  it'll  soon  be 
over.    Steady,  steady.^ 

Mr.  Pickwick  planted  himself  into  his  own  comer,  as 
irmly  as  he  could ;  and  on  whirled  the  chaise  faster  than 
ever. 

They  had  travelled  in  this  way  about  three  miles, 
when  Mr.  Wardle,  who  had  been  looking  out  of  the  win- 
dow for  two  or  three  minutes,  suddenly  drew  in  his  face, 
covered  with  splashes,  and  exclaimed,  in  breathless 
eagerness — 

"  Here  they  are  I " 

Mr.  Pickwick  throst  his  head  out  of  his  window. 
Tes ;  there  was  a  chmse  and  four,  a  short  distance  be- 
fore them,  dashing  along  at  full  gallop. 

<^  Go  on,  go  on,**  ahnost  shrieked  the  old  gentleman. 
*<  Two  guineas  apiece,  boys — don't  let  'em  gain  on  us— 
keep  it  up  —  keep  it  up.'* 

The  horses  in  the  first  chaise  started  on  at  their  utmost 
speed ;  and  Ihose  in  Mr.  Wardle's  galloped  fiurlously  be- 
hind them. 

^  I  see  his  head,"  exclaimed  the  choleric  old  man* 
'*  Damme,  I  see  his  head." 


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THT.  PfCKWlOi:  CI.OB.  I^ 

'« So  do  I,"  mid  Mr.  Pic^wiek,  <«  tlMt's  ^^ 

Mr.  Pickwick  was  not  mietakeii.  1^  countenance 
of  Mr.  Jingle,  completely  coated  with  the  mud  thrown 
ap  by  the  wheels,  was  plainiT'  discernible  at  the  window 
of  his  chaise ;  and  the  motion  of  his  arm,  which  he  was 
waring  Tblentlj  towards  the  postilions,  denoted  tiiat  he 
was  encouraging  them  to  increased  exertion. 

The  interest  waa  intense.  Fields,  trees,  and  hedgos 
seemed  to  rush  past  them  with  the  velodtj  of  a  whirl- 
wind, so  raf»d  was  the  pace  at  which  thej  tore  along. 
They  were  dose  by  the  side  of  the  first  chaise.  Jingle's 
voice  could  be  plainly  heard,  even  above  the  din  of  the 
wheels,  urging  on  the  boys.  Old  Mr.  Wardle  foamed 
with  rage  and  excitement  He  roared  out  scoundrels 
and  villains  by  the  doaen,  clenched  his  fist  and  shook  it 
expressively  at  the  object  of  his  indignation ;  but  Mr 
tangle  only  answered  wMi  a  oontemptuous  nnile,  and 
replied  to  his  menaces  by  a  shout  of  triumph,  as  h!» 
horses,  answering  the  increased  application  of  whip  and 
spur,  broke  into  a  &ster  gsdiop,  and  left  the  pursuers 
behind. 

Mr.  Pickwick  had  just  drawn  in  hb  head,  and  Mr. 
Wardle,  exhausted  with  shouting,  had  done  the  same, 
when  a  tremendous  joH  threw  them  forward  against  the 
front  of  the  vehicle.  There  was  a  sudden  bump  —  a 
loud  crash  —  away  rolled  a  wheel,  and  over  went  thcj 
chaise. 

After  a  veiy  few  seconds  of  bewilderment  and  coufu- 
riion,  in  which  nodiing  b^t  the  plunging  of  horses,  and 
breaking  of  glass,  could  be  made  out,  Mr.  Pickwick  felt 
himself  violently  pulled  out  from  among  the  ruins  of  the 
7haise ;  and  as  soon  as  he  had  gained  his  fset,  extricated 
nis  head  from  the  skirts  of  hk  great-coat  which  materi- 


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184  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

ally  impeded  the  oaefiiliieaB  of  his  spectacles^  the  full  di»> 
aster  of  the  case  met  his  yiew. 

Old  Mr.  Wardle  without  a  hat,  and  his  clothes  torn 
in  several  places,  stood  hj  his  side,  and  the  fragments 
of  the  chaise  lay  scattered  at  their  feet  The  post^wjs, 
who  had  succeeded  in  catting  the  traces,  were  standing, 
disfigured  with  mud,  and  disordered  by  hard  riding,  bj 
tlie  horses'  heads.  About  a  hundred  yards  in  advance 
was  the  other  chaise,  which  had  pulled  up  on  hearing 
the  crash.  The  postilions,  each  with  a  broad  grin  con- 
vulsing his  countenance,  were  viewing  the  adverse  party 
from  their  saddles,  and  Mr.  Jingle  was  contemplating 
the  wreck  from  the  coach-window,  with  evident  satis- 
faction. The  day  was  just  breaking  and  the  whole 
scene  was  rendered  perfectly  visible  by  the  gray  light 
of  the  morning. 

'^  Hallo  I"  shouted  the  shameless  Jingle,  ^  anybody 
damaged? — elderly  gentlemen  —  no  light  weights-— 
dangerous  work  —  very.** 

"You're  a  rascal!"  roared  WaitUe. 

"  Ha !  ha ! "  replied  Jingle ;  and  then  he  added,  with 
a  knowing  wink,  and  a  jerk  of  the  thumb  towards  the 
interior  of  the  chaise  —  "I  say  —  she's  very  well  — 
desires  her  compliments  —  begs  you  won't  trouble  your- 
self—  love  to  ^ppsf  —  won't  you  get  up  behind?  — 
drive  on  boys." 

The  postilions  resumed  their  proper  attitudes,  and 
away  rattled  the  chaise,  Mr.  Jingle  fluttering  in  derision 
a  whito  handkerchief  from  the  coach-window. 

Nothing  in  the  whole  adventure,  not  even  the  upset, 
had  disturbed  the  calm  and  equable  current  of  Mr.  Pick- 
wick's temper.  The  viUany  however,  which  could  first 
borrow  money  of  his  faithful  follower,  and  then  abbre* 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  185 

viate  his  name  to  '^Tuppj,'*  was  more  than  he  could 
patiently  bear.  He  drew  his  breath  hard,  and  colored 
up  to  the  very  dps  of  his  spectacles,  as  he  said,  slowlj 
and  emphatically  — 

''If  e^er  I  meet  that  man  again,  PU"  — 

**  Yes,  yes,"  interrupted  Wardle,  "  that's  all  very  well : 
but  while  we  stand  talking  here,  theyll  get  their  license, 
and  be  married  in  London.** 

Mr.  Pickwick  paused,  bottled  up  his  vengeance,  and 
corked  it  down. 

''How  far  is  it  to  the  next  stage?"  inquired  Mr. 
Wardle,  of  one  of  the  boys. 

«  Six  mile,  a'n*t  it,  Tom  ?" 

**  Rayther  better." 

*  Rayther  better  nor  six  mile,  sir." 

"  Can't  be  helped,"  said  Wardle,  "we  must  walk  it, 
Pickwick." 

*  No  help  for  it,"  replied  that  truly  great  man. 

So  sending  forward  one  of  the  boys  on  horseback,  to 
procure  a  fresh  chaise  and  horses,  and  leaving  the  other 
behind  to  take  care  of  the  broken .  one,  Mr.  Pickwick 
and  Mr.  Wardle  set  manfully  forward  on  the  walk,  first 
tying  their  shawls  round  their  necks,  and  slouching  down 
thdr  hats  to  escape  as  much  as  possible  fix>m  the  deluge 
of  nun,  which  after  a  slight  cessation,  had  again  begun 
Id  poor  heavily  down. 


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18$  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 


CHAPTER  X. 

OLBABING  DP  ALL  DOUBTS  (iF  ANT  EXISTED)  Off 
THE  DISINTERESTEDNESS  OF  MR.  JINQLE'S  CHARAO- 
TEB. 

There  are  in  London, several  old  inns,  once  the  head- 
quarters of  celebrated  coaches  in  the  days  when  coaches  • 
performed  their  journeys  in  a  graver  and  more  solemn 
manner  than  thej  do  in  these  times ;  but  which  have 
now  degenerated  into  little  more  than  the  abiding  and 
booking  places  of  country  wagons.  The  reader  would 
look  in  vain  for  any  of  these  ancient  hostelries,  among 
the  Golden  Crosses  and  Bull  and  Mouths,  which  rear 
their  stately  fronts  in  the  improved  streets  of  liondon. 
If  he  would  light  upon  any  of  these  old  places^  he  must 
direct  his  steps  to  the  obscurer  quarters  of  the  town ; 
and  there  in  some  secluded  nooks  he  will  find  several^ 
still  standing  with  a  kind  of  glooi^y  sturdiness,  amidst 
the  modem  innovations  which  surround  them. 

In  the  Borough  especially,  there  still  remain  some 
half-dozen  old  inns,  which  have  preserved  their  external 
features  unchanged,  and  which  have  escaped  alike  the 
rage  for  public  improvement,  and  the  encroachments  of 
private  speculation.  Great,  rambling,  queer,  old  places 
they  are,  with  galleries,  and  passages,  and  staircases, 
mde  enough,  and  antiquated  enough,  to  furnish  materials 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  187 

for  a  hundred  ghost  stories,  sapposing  we  should  ever  be 
reduced  to  the  lamentable  necessity  of  mventing  any, 
and  that  the  world  should  exist  long  enough  to  exhaust 
the  innumerable  veracious  legends  connected  with  old 
London  Bridge,  and  its  adyacent  neighborhood  on  the 
Surrey  side. 

It  was  in  the  yard  of  one  of  these  inns  —  of  no  less 
celebrated  a  one  than  the  White  Hart  —  that  a  man  was 
busily  employed  in  brushing  the  dirt  off  a  pair  of  boots, 
early  on  the  morning  succeeding  the  events  narrated  in 
the  last  chapter.  He  was  habited  in  a  coarse  striped 
waistcoat,  with  black  calico  sleeves,  and  blue  glass  but- 
tons :  drab  breeches  and  leggings.  A  bright  red  hand- 
-kerehief  was  wound  in  a  very  loose  and  unstudied  style 
roimd  his  neck,  and  an  old  white  hat  was  carelessly 
thrown  on  one  side  of  his  head.  There  were  two  rows 
of  boots  before  him,  one  cleaned,  and  the  other  dirty, 
and  at  every  addition  he  made  to  the  clean  row,  he 
paused  from  his  work,  and  contemplated  its  results  with 
evident  satisfaction. 

The  yard  presented  none  of  that  bustle  and  activity 
which  are  the  usual  characteristics  of  a  large  coach  inn. 
Three  or  four  lumbering  wagons,  each  with  a  pile  of 
goods  beneath  its  ample  caiiopy,  about  the  height  of  the 
second-floor  window  of  an  ordinary  house,  were  stowed 
away  beneath  a  lofly  roof  which  extended  over  one  end 
of  the  yard ;  and  another,  which  was  probably  to  com* 
mence  its  journey  that  morning,  was  drawn  out  into  the 
open  space.  A  double  tier  of  bedroom  galleries,  with 
old  clumsy  balustrades,  ran  round  two  sides  of  the  strag- 
gling area,  and  a  double  row  of  bells  to  correspond,  shel- 
tered from  the  weather  by  a  little  sloping  roof,  hung 
wer  the  door  leading  to  the  bar  and  cofiee-room.    Two 


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188  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

or  three  gigs  and  chaise-carts  were  wheeled  up  under 
different  little  sheds  and  penthouses ;  and  the  occasional 
he&vj  tread  of  a  cart-horse,  or  rattling  of  a  chain  at  the 
&rther  end  of  the  yard,  announced  to  anybody  who  cared 
about  the  matter,  that  the  stable  lay  in  that  direction. 
When  we  add  that  a  few  boys  in  smock-frocks  were  ly- 
ing asleep  on  heavy  packages,  woolpacks,  and  other  arti- 
cles that  were  scattered  about  on  heaps  of  straw,  we  hare 
described,  as  fully  as  need  be,  the  general  appearance  of 
the  yard  of  the  White  Hart  Inn,  High  Street,  Borough, 
on  the  particular  morning  in  question. 

A  loud  ringing  of  one  of  the  bells  was  followed  by  the 
appearance  of  a  smart  chambermaid  in  the  upper  sleep- 
ing gallery,  who,  after  tapping  at  one  of  the  doors,  and 
receiving  a  request  fix)m  within,  called  over  the  balus- 
trades: 

"Sam!" 

^  Hallo,"  replied  the  man  with  the  white  hat 

"  Number  twenty-two  wants  his  boots." 

"  Ask  number  twenty-two,  wether  he'll  have  'em  now, 
or  wait  till  he  gets  *em,"  was  the  reply. 

"  Come,  don't  be  a  fool,  Sam,"  said  the  girl,  coaxingly, 
**  the  gentleman  wants  his  boots  directly." 

"Well,  you  are  a  nice  young  'ooman  for  a  musical 
party,  you  are,"  said  the  boot-cleaner.  "  Look  at  these 
here  boots  —  eleven  pair  o'  boots;  and  one  shoe  as 
blongs  to  number  six,  with  the  wooden  leg.  The 
eleven  boots  is  to  be  called  at  half-past  eight  and  the 
shoe  at  nine.  Who's  number  twenty-two,  that's  to  put 
all  the  others  out  ?  No,  no ;  regular  rotation,  as  Jack 
Ketch  said,  wen  he  tied  the  men  up.  Sorry  to  keep  you 
a  waitin',  sir,  but  Til  attend  to  you  directly." 

Saying  which,  the  man  in  the  white  hat  set  to  work 
ipon  a  top-boot  with  increased  assiduity. 

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THS  PICKWICK  CLUB.  188 

There  was  another  kmd  ring ;  and  the  hostling  old  land- 
lady of  the  White  Hart  made  her  appearance  in  the  op- 
posite gallery. 

*^  Saniy"  cried  the  landlady,  ^  where's  that  lazy,  idle  — 
why  Sam  —  oh,  there  you  are;  why  don't  you  an- 
swer ?" 

^  Wouldn't  be  geo-teel  to  answer,  till  you'd  done  talk< 
ing,"  replied  Sam,  gruffly. 

^  Here,  clean  them  shoes  for  number  seventeen  direct 
ly,  and  take  'em  to  private  sitting-room,  number  five,  first 
floor." 

The  landlady  flung  a  pair  of  lady's  shoes  into  the  yard, 
and  bustled  away. 

^  Number  five,"  said  Sam,  as  he  picked  up  the  shoes^ 
and  taking  a  piece  of  chalk  from  his  pocket,  made  a 
memorandum  of  their  destination  on  the  soles — ^  Lady's 
shoes  and  private  sittm'-rooml  I  suppose  she  didn't 
eome  in  the  waggin." 

*^  She  came  in  early  this  morning,"  cried  the  girl, 
who  was  still  leaning  over  .the  railing  of  the  gallery, 
'*  with  a  gentleman  in  a  hackney  coach,  and  it's  him  as 
wants  his  boots,  and  you'd  better  do  'em,  that's  all 
about  if* 

^  Vy  didn't  you  say  so  before,"  said  Sam,  with  greal 
indignation,  sii^ling  out  the  boots  in  question  from  the 
heap  before  him.  ^  For  all  I  know'd,  he  vas  one  o'  the 
regular  three-pennies.  Private  room !  and  a  lady  too ! 
If  he's  anything  of  a  genlm'n,  he's  vorth  a  shillin'  a  day, 
let  alone  the  arrands." 

Stimulated  by  this  inspiring  reflection,  Mr.  Samuol 
Inrushed  away  with  such  hearty  good-will,  that  in  a  few 
fflinntes  the  boots  and  shoes,  with  a  polish  which  would 
have  stmdL  envy  to  the  soul  of  the  amiable  Mr.  Warren, 


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190  POSTHtJlCOtJd  Pil^ERS  OF 

(for  ifaey  used  Daj  and  Mardii  ttt  the  White  Haot)  had 
aiTiVed  at  the  door  of  namber  five. 

^  Come  in/'  said  a  man's  voice,  in  reply  to  Sam's  rap 
at  the  door. 

Sam  made  hia  best  bow,  and  stepped  into  the  presence 
of  a  ladj  and  gentleman  seated  at  breakfast  Hariiig 
offlciottsly  deposited  the  gentleman'^  boots  right  and  left 
at  his  feet,  and  the  lad/s  shoes  right  and  left  at  hers,  ho 
backed  towards  tlie  door. 

*^  Boots,"  said  the  gentleman. 

^  Sir,**  said  Sam,  closing  the  door,  and  keeping  hu 
hand  on  the  knob  of  the  lock. 

**  Do  you  know  —  what's  a-name  —  Dooton'  Com- 
mons ?  " 

«  Yes,  sir." 

^  Where  is  it?" 

**  Panl's  Chofch-yard,  sir;  low  archway  on  the  car- 
riage-side, bookseller's  at  one  comer,  hot-el  on  the  other, 
and  two  portiers  in  the  middle  as  toots  ibr  Hcenses." 

^  Touts  for  licenses ! "  said  the  gentleman. 

** Touts  for  licenses,"  replied  Sara.  "Two  coves  in 
vhite  aprons  *—  touches  their  hats  wen  you  walk  in  -^ 
*  License,  sir,  license  ? '  Queer  sort,  them,  and  their 
mas'rs  too,  sir  —  Old  Baily  Proctors  —  and  no  mistake." 

"  What  do  they  do  ?  "  inquired  the  gentleman. 

"  Do !  ToUy  sir !  That  a'n't  the  wost  on  it,  neither* 
Hiey  puts  things  into  old  gen'lm'n's  heads  as  they  never 
dreiuned  of.  My  father,  sir,  wos  a  coachman.  A  wid- 
ower he  wos,  and  fat  enough  for  anylliing  —  uncommon 
fkt,  to  be  sure.  His  missus  dies,  and  leaves  him  four 
hundred  pound.  Down  he  goes  to  the  Commons,  to  see 
the  lawyer  and  draw  the  blunt — wery  smart  -—  top-boots 
on-^no6^ay  m  his  buttoi^-hole  —  broad*brimmcd  tile 


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TBB  PICKWICK  CLUB.  191 

-i-green  duiwl  —  quite  the  genlm'n.  Qoes  tfaroai^  Ae 
archTay,  thinking  how  he  should  inwest  the  mooey  -«*up 
comes  the  touter,  touches  his  hat  — '  License,'  sir,  li- 
cense?'—  *Whaf8  that?*  says  my  &ther.  —  'License;, 
sir/  says  he.  — *  What  license?*  says  my  fiither.— 
^Marriage  license,'  says  the  touter.  — '^  Duh  my  veskit,' 
says  my  fiiiher,  <I  never  thought  o'  that/  —  <  I  think  yon 
wants  one,  sir,'  says  the  iouter.  My  fiither  pulls  up,  and 
thinks  a  hit — '  No,'  says  he,  ^  daauae,  I'm  too  old,  b'sides 
Fm  a  many  aises  too  large/  says  he.  — '  Noi  a  bit  on  it, 
sir,'  says  the  touter.  —  *  Think  not? '  says  my  father.  — 
'  I'm  sure  not,'  says  he ;  'we  married  a  genlm'n  twice 
your  size,  last  Monday.'  — '  Did  you,  though  ?'  said  my 
father. — 'To  be  sure,  we  did,'  says  the  touter,  'you're 
a  babby  to  him  —  this  way,  sir  —  this  way  ! '  —  and  sure 
enough  my  &ther  walks  artw  him,  like  a  tame  monkey 
behind  a  horgan,  into  a  little  back  office,  vere  a  feller  sat 
among  dirty  papers  and  tin  boites,  making  believe  he 
was  busy.  '  Pray  take  a  seat,  yile  I  makes  out  the  affi- 
davit, air,'  says  the  lawyer.— -'Thankee,  sir,'  says  o^ 
father,  and  down  he  sat,  and  stared  with  all  his  eyes,  and 
his  mouth  vide  open,  at  the  names  on  the  boxes. — 
'Whafs  your  name,  sir?'  says  the  lawyer.  —  'Tony 
Weller,'  says  my  father. — '  Parish  ? '  says  the  lawyers- 
Belle  Savage,'  says  my  father;  for  he  stopped  there 
wen  he  drove  up,  and  he  know'd  nothing  about  parishes, 
he  didn't.  —  'And  what^s  the  lady's  name?'  says  the 
lawyer.  My  fisither  was  struck  all  of  a  heap.  '  Blessed 
if  I  know,'  says  he.  — '  Not  know  I '  says  the  lawyer.  — 
'  No  more  nor  you  do,'  says  my  father, '  can't  I  put  that 
in  arterwards  ? '  — '  ImpossiUe ! '  says  the  lawyer.  — 
*  Wery  well,'  says  my  father,  after  he'd  Uiought  a  mo- 
ment, 'put  4own  Mrs-  Clarke.'  —  '  What  Clarke?'  says 


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192  POBTHCMOVS  FAPSKS  OF 

dlekdrj^,  dipfiling  his  pen  ia  the  ink.  -^  *  Sosafi  CSfeffko, 
Markig  o*  Oranby,  Dorkmg/  aays  my  Either;  ^sheW 
have  me,  if  I  ask,  I  des-eaj— ^I  never  said  nothing  to 
her^  but  ^ell  have  me,  I  know/  The  lioente  was  made 
oat,  and  she  did  have  him,  and  whaffs  more  she^s  got  hisa 
now;  a|id  /  n^ver  had  any  of  thefom*  hundred  pomd, 
worse  hick.  -  B^  yoar  pardon,  sir,*^  said  Sam,  when  he 
bad  concluded,  ^hut.  wen  I  gets  on  this  hen  grievance, 
I  runs  bn  like  a  new  banow  vith  the  wheel  greased." 
Having  said  which,  and  having  paused  for  an  instant  to 
see  whether  he  .was  wanted  for  anjtfaing  more,  Sam  left 
the  room. 

**  Half-past  nine-**- just  the  time*—  off  at  once ;  **  said 
the  gentleman,  whom  we  need  hardly  introduce  as  Mr. 
Jin«t1e. 

^Time — for  what?*'  said  the  spinster  aunt,  coquet- 
ttshly. 

*^  License,  dearest  ti  angels  -^  f^ve  notiee  at  the 
church-^  call  yon  mine,  tOHBaorrow,** «— said  Mr.  J^n- 
^e,  and  ha  sqneeaed  die  spinster  auntfs  hand. 

<"  The  lioense!''  said  Bacimel, bhislnng. 

*^  Hie  lieense,"  repeated  Mr.  Jingle  -^ 

**  In  hurry,  post-haste  for  a  Uoenaa. 
Ic  hurry,  aing  dong  I  come  back." 

^  How  yon  run  on,^  said  RachaeL 

^  Run  on  ^—  nothing  to  the  hours,  days,  wedu,  montbe, 
years,  when  we're  united— ^rtm  on  —  tke/U  fly  on  — 
bolt — mizzle  —  steam-^engine  —  tfaousand-horte  powCT 
—  nothing  to  it.** 

^  Oan*t — can't  we  be  married  before  to-moi*row  morn- 
mg  ?  "  inquired  BachaeL 

^ImpossiUe  —  cant  be — notice  al  tlie  churdi  — 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  t99 

l^ttve  tk^  Hcense  to-daj — ceremony  ocme  off  to4ior- 
row." 

^  I  am  80  t^rriied,  lest  m j  lirother  should  disoorer 
osr  mid  BachML 

^Didcorer—- Don8eii8e*-*too  rtmcik  shaken  -by  the 
hresk-down  —^besides  — edctreme caution •—  gave  vp  the 
postK^aise  —  wMked  on-— took  a  hadoiey-ccMKih*— -cnoie 
to  the  Borottgh — last  plaee  in  the  world  Hiat  he'd  kiok 
hi;  —  ha  I  ha! — capttid notion  that— ▼erf.'* 

<'  Don't  be  long,"  said  the  spinster,  affectiottately,  as 
Mr.  Jingle  sttu'k  ^  pih^edHip  hat  on  his  head. 

^Long  away  from  yewf — Cmal  eharmer,"  and  Mr. 
Jhigle  skipped  playfhlly  op  to^liie  spinster  aunt,  im- 
printed a  chaste  kiss  upon  her  lips,  uid  danced  oat  of* 
the  room. 

^  Dear  man  I"  said  the  spinater,^  as  die  door  ckwed 
after  him. 

^  Bom  M  girl,"  said-Mr.  Jhigle,  as  he  walked  down 
the  pa.<iMge. 

It  is  pluiiiul  to  reflect  upon  tiie  perfidy  of  our  species ; 
and  we  win  net  thesefore,  porsae  the  thread  of  Mr. 
Jingle*s  meditalions,  as  he  wended  his  way  to  Doctors* 
Commons.  It  will  be  soflldent  for  our  purpose  to  re* 
late,  that  escaping  the  snares  of  die  dragons  in  white 
aprons,  who  gnaid  the  entrance  to  that  enchanted  re* 
gion,  he  reached  the  Vicar  CkneraPs  oflbe  in  safety, 
and  having  procured  a  highly  flattering  address  on 
parehment,  from  the  Ardibishop  of  Canterbury,  to  his 
"^  trusty  and  well-bekyred  Alfred  Jingle  and  Rachael 
Wardle,  greeting,"  he  carefully  deposited  the  mysde 
document  in  hts  pod^et,  aad  retraced  his  steps  in  tri« 
vnph  to  the  Borough. 

He  was  yet  on  his  way  to  the  White  Hart,  when  two 


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W4  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OP 

plamp  getitlemen  and  one  thin  one,  entered  the  jard, 
and  looked  round  in  search  of  some  authorized  person 
of  whom  they  could  make  a  few  inquiries.  Mr.  Sam- 
uel WeUer  happened  to  be  at  that  moment  engaged  ^ 
in  burnishing  a  pair  of  painted  tops,  the  personal  prop- 
erty of  a  farmer,  who  was  refreshing  himself  witli  a 
slight  lunch  of  two  or  three  pounds  of  c^  beef  and 
a  pot. or  two  of  port&r,  after  the  fatigues  of  the  Borough 
market ;  and  to  him  the  thin  gentleman  straightway  ad- 
^unced  — 

^  My  friend,"  said  the  thin  gentleman. 

^You're  one  o*  the  adwice  gratis  order,"  thought  Sam, 
•*.or  you  wouldnU  bei«owery  fond  o'  me  all  at  once.** 
But  he  only  slud  —  «  Well,  sir." 

"  My  friend,"  said  the  thin  gentleman,  with  a  concil- 
il^ry  hem  —  ^Have  you  got  many  people  stopping 
here,  now?     Pretty  busy.     Eh?" 

Sam  stole  a  look  at  the  inquirer.  He  was  a  Ittle 
high-dried  man,  with  a  dark  squeezed-up  face,  and  small 
restless  black  eyes,  that  kept  winking  and  twinkling  on 
each  side  of  his  little  inquisitive  nose,  as  if  they  were 
playing  a  perpetual  game  of  peep4)o  with  that  feature. 
He  was  dresaed  all  in  blad^  with  boots  as  shiny  as  his 
^res,  a  low  white  neckcloth,  and  a  dean  shirt  with  a 
firitt  to  it  A  gokl  wateh-chain,  and  seab,  depended  from 
his  fob*  He  canried  his  hhuck  kid  gfoves  in  his  hands, 
tM  en  them ;  and  as  he  spoke,  thrust  his  wrists  beneath 
tts  coat-tails,  with  the  air  of  a  num  who  was  in  the  habit 
of  propounding  some  regular  posers. 

^ Pretty  busy,  eh?"  said  the  little  man. 

"Oh,  werry  wdl,  sir,"  r^ed  Smb,  **we  shan't  be 
bankruptR,  and  we  shan't  make  our  fortes.  We  eats 
our  biled  muUcn  without  capers,  and  don't  care  lor  horse* 
radish  wen  ve  can  get  beef." 

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THE  nOCWItiK  CLUB.  195 

^  Ah,"  saad  the  little  man,  ^  joo^re  a  wag,  aVt  joa  ?" 

^My  eldest  brother  was  troubled  with  that  oom- 
plamt,"  said  Sam,  ^ii  may  be  eatohing  —  I  used  to 
deep  with  him." 

^Thisisaeiirioas  old  house  of  jours,"  said  the  litHe 
man,  looking  round  him. 

**  If  ytm'd  sent  word  yon  was  a-cAning,  we^d  ha*  had 
i1  repaired,'*  r^Hed  the  imperturbable  Sam. 

The  little  man  seemed  rather  baiBed  by  these  seventl 
repulses,  and  a  short  consultation  took  place  betwe^ 
bim  and  the  two  plump  gentlemen.  At  its  conclusion 
the  little  man  took  a  pinch  of  snuff  from  an  oblong  stl- 
yer  box,  and  was  apparently  on  the  point  of  renewing 
the  conyersfttion,  when  one  of  the  plump  gentlemen, 
who  in  addition  to  a  beneyolent  oonntenance  possessed 
a  pair  of  spectacles,  and  a  pair  of  black  gaiters,  inter- 
fered— 

^  The  fact  of  the  matter  is,**  said  the  beneyolent  gen- 
tleman, ^that  my  friend  here  •  (pointing  to  the  other 
plump  gentleman),  will  giye  you  half  a  guinea,  if  you'll 
answer  one  or  two  "  — 

*<Nqw,  my  dear  sir  — my  dear  sir,**  said  the  Tittle 
man,  ^  pray  allow  me  —  my  dear  sir,  the  yery  irst  prin- 
ciple to  be  obsaryed  in  these  cases,  is  this }  if  yon  place 
a  matter  in  the  hands  of  a  professional  roan,  you  must 
in  no  way  interfere  in  the  progress  of  the  business ;  you 
must  repose  implicit  ocmfldence  in  lum.  Realiy,  Mr. 
(he  turned  to  the  other  plump  gentleman,  and  said)  — 
I  forget  your  fiiend's  name." 

^  Pickwick,**  said  Mr.  Wardle,  for  it  was  no  other 
than  that  jolly  parsonage* 

**  Ah,  Pickwick  —  really  Mr.  Pickwick,  my  dear  sir, 
excuse  me  —  I  shall  be  happy  to  receiye  any  private 

y«L.  I.  13 


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196  P08TSUH0U8  PJlPSR8  OP 

^ 

BOggestiocis of  jearSf  as amkutturiiot^ but  jkm  xkuol  see 
the  improprieity^  of  jotxr  interfering  with  my  conduct  in 
this  caae,  with  sueh  an  (fd  eaptondtmi  jurgument,  as  the 
ofiTer  of  half  a  guinea.  Beallj,  mj  dear  sir,  veaUy/ 
and  itie  little  man  todL  an  agigmnmMlkvt  pinch  of  snofl^ 
and  looked  yeiy  profound. 

"^  My^  onlj  wi^h,  MTy"  said Mn.  Piokwid^  ^waa  to  bring 
this  yery  unpleasant  malter  to  as  speedy  a  dose  as  pes* 
siUe." 

^  Quite  right  -^  quite  right,**  said  the  little  man. 

^  With  whidi  yiew^"  ooBtinued  Mn  Piokwiok^  ^  I 
made  use  of  the  argument  which  mj  experience  of 
men  has  taught  me  is  the  most  likely  to  succeed  in  any 
case."     • 

'*  Ay,  ay,"  said  the  little  man,  ^  yery  good,  yeiy  good, 
indeed;  but  you  should  haye  suggested  it  to  nw.  My 
dear  sir,  I'm  quite  certain  you  cannot  be  ignorant  of  the 
extent  of  confidenoe  which  must  be  placed  in  professional 
men.  If  any  authority  can  be  neoeasary  on  snch  a  prnnt, 
my  dear  sir^  1^  me  refer  you  to  the  well-known  case  in 
Barnwell  and  "  — 

^Keyer  mind  Greorge  BamweU,"  iotemipted.  Sam, 
who  had  remained  a  woadering  listener  during  this  short 
colloquy;  '^eyerybody  knows  yhat  sort- of  a  case  his 
was,  tho'  it's  always  been  my  opinion,  mind  you,  that 
the  young  'ooman  deaervod  scragging  a  preeioas  siglu 
more  than  he  did.  Hows'eyer,  that's  neither  here  nor 
there.  You  want  me  toacoept  of  half  a  guinea.  Worry 
well,  I'm  agreeable :  I  can't  say  no  fairer  tlum  that,  oan 
I,  sir  ?  (Mr.  Pickwick  smiled.)  Then  the  next  ques- 
tion is,  what  the  deyil  do  you  want  with  me,  as  the  i 
laid  wen  he  see  the  ghost?" 

">  We  want  to  know  " —  said  Mr.  Wardle. 


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THB  PICKWIOK  OLUB.  197 

^Kow,  my  dear  sir-— mj  dear  gu*,"  inteiposed  the 
busy  little  man. 

Mr.  Wardle  shrugged  his  shoulders,  and  was  silent. 

^We  wani  to  know,''  said  the  little  man  sofenmly; 
^  and  we  ask  the  question  of  you,  in  order  that  we  may 
not  awaken  apprehensions  inside — we  wani  to  know 
who  you've  got  in  this  house,  at  preseoL" 

^  Who  there  is  in  the  house  1 "  said  Sam,  in  whose 
mind  the  inmates  were  always  represented  by  that  par- 
ticular article  of  their  ooatnme,  wluch  came  under  his 
immediate  svperinlendence.  ^  There's  a  wooden  leg  in 
number  aix ;  there's  a  pair  .of  Ebssians  in  thirtecD ; 
there's  two  pair  of  halves  in  the  commercial;  there's 
these  here  pauited  tops  in  Uie  snuggery  inside  the  bar ; 
and  five  more  tops  in  the  coffee-room. 

**•  Nothing  more?  "  said  the  little  man. 

'^  Stop  a  Mt,"  replied  Sam,  suddenly  recolleeting  him- 
self. ^  Yes ;  there's  a  pair  of  Wellingtons  a  good  deal 
worn,  and  a  pair  o'  laA/s  skoes,  in  number  five." 

^  What  sort  of  shoes  ?  "  hastily  mquired  Wardle,  who^ 
together  with  Mr.  Pickwick,  had  been  lost  in  bewilder* 
ment  at  the  singular  oatelogue  of  visitors. 

'^  Country  make,"  replied  Sam. 

**  Any  maker's  name  ?  " 

•Whereof?" 

«  Mnggletoo." 

''It  if  them,"  ezdaimed  Wavdle.  ^By  Heavens, 
we've  found  them." 

*<  HushI"  said  Sam.  *" The  Wellingtons  has  gone  to 
Doctors'  Conhnons." 

*"  No«"  said  the  little  man. 

"  Tea,  tor  a  license." 


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198  POSTHUMOUS  PAPEBS  OF 

"<  We're  in  time,''  exclaimed  Wardle.  "<  Show  us  the 
room ;  not  a  moment  is  to  be  lost** 

"  Pray,  my  dear  sir,  pray,"  said  the  littie  man ; 
**  caution,  caution.''  He  drew  from  his  pocket  a  red  silk 
purse,  and  looked  yery  hard  at  Sam  as  he  drew  out  a 
sovereign. 

Sam  grinned  expressivdy. 

^  Show  us  into  the  room  at  once,  without  announcing 
us,"  said  the  littie  man,  ^  and  if  s  yours.** 

Sam  threw  the  painted  tops  into  a  comer,  and  led  the 
way  through  a  dark  passage,  and  up  a  wide  staircase. 
He  paused  at  the  end  of  a  second  piassage,  and  held  out 
his  hand. 

^  Here  it  is,"  whispered  the  attorney,  as  he  deposited 
tiie  money  in  the  hand  of  ih&r  guide. 

The  man  stepped  forwaid  for  a  few  paces,  followed  by 
the  two  friends  and  thdr  legal  adviser.  He  stopped  at 
a  door. 

^  Is  this  the  Twmi  ?  "  murmured  the  littie  gentieman. 

Sam  nodded  assent 

Old  Wardle  opened  the  door;  and  die  whole  three 
walked  into  the  room  just  as  Mr.  Jingle,  who  had  that 
moment  returned,  had  produced  the  license  to  the  spin- 
ster aunt 

The  spinster  uttered  a  loud  shriek,  and,  throwing  her- 
self in  a  chair,  covered  her  hce  with  her  hands.  Mr. 
Jingle  crumpled  up  the  license,  and  thrust  it  into  his 
coat-podLct  The  unwelcome  visitors  advanced  into  the 
middle  of  the  room. 

"You  — you  are  a  nice  rascal,  ar'n't  you?"  ex- 
didmed  Wardle,  breathless  with   passion. 

"  My  dear  sir,  my  dear  sir,"  said  the  littie  man,  laying 
his  hat  on  the  table.     ^  Pray,  consider  —  pray.     Defa- 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  109 

matiofl  of  character :  action  for  damages.  Calm  your- 
self, my  dear  sir,  pray**  — 

**  How  dare  you  drag  my  sister  fVom  my  house  ?  "  said 
the  old  man. 

"Ay  —  ay  —  very  good,**  said  tl^e  little  gentleman, 
"  you  may  ask  that     How  dare  you,  sir  ? — eh,  sir  ?  " 

"  Who  the  devil  are  you  ?  "  inquired  Mr.  Jingle,  in  so 
fierce  a  tone,  that  the  little  gentleman  involuntarily  fell 
back  a  step  or  two. 

"Who  is  he,  yoo  scoundrel,"  interposed  Wardle, 
"He's  my  lawyer,  Mr.  Perker,  of  Gray's  Inn.  Per- 
ker,  ril  have  this  fellow  prosecuted  —  indicted  —  FU  — 
rU  —  m  ruin  him.  And  you,"  continued  Mr.  Wardle, 
turning  abruptly  round  to  his  sister,  "  you,  Rachael,  at  a 
time  of  life  when  you  ought  to  know  better,  what  do  you 
mean  by  running  away  with  a  vagabond,  disgracing  your 
family,  and  making  yourself  miserable  ?  Gret  on  your 
bonnet,  and  come  back.  Call  a  hackney-coach  there,  di- 
rectly, and  bring  this  lady's  bill,  d'ye  hear  —  d'ye 
hear?'* 

"  Cert'nly,  sir,"  replied  Sam,  who  had  answered  War- 
die's  violent  ringing  of  the  bell  with  a  degree  of  celerity, 
which  must  have  appeared  marvellous  to  anybody  who 
didn't  know  that  his  eye  had  been  applied  to  the  outside 
of  the  keyhole  during  the  whole  interview. 

"  Get  on  your  bonnet,"  repeated  Wardle. 

"  Do  nothing  of  the  kind,"  said  Jingle.  "  Leave  the 
room,  sir —  no  business  here  —  lady's  free  to  act  as  she 
pleases  —  more  than  one-and-twenty." 

"  More  than  one-and-twenty ! "  ejaculated  Wardle, 
sontemptuously.     "  More  than  one-and-forty  ! " 

"  I  a'n't,"  sjud  the  spinster  aunt,  her  indignation  get- 
ting the  better  of  her  determination  to  faint 


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200  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  GF 

«  You  lire,"  replied  Wardle,  **  you're  fi%  if  you're  «o 
hour." 

Here  the  spinster  aunt  ottered  a  loud  shriek,  and  be- 
came senseless. 

'<  A  glass  of  water,"  said  the  humane  Mr.  Pickwick, 
summoning  the  landlady* 

^A  giasi  of  water  I"  said  the  pa8si<»iate  Waidle. 
<'  Bring  a  bucket,  and  throw  it  aU  over  her ;  itll  do  her 
good,  and  she  richly  deserves  it" 

*^  Ugh,  you  brute ! "  ejaculated  the  kind-hearted  land- 
lady. ^  Poor  dear."  And  with  sundry  ejaculations,  of 
^  Ciome  now,  there's  a  dear — drink  a  Httle  of  this  — ifll 
do  you  good — don't  give  way  so — there's  a  love/*  &o^ 
&<Uj  the  landlady,  assisted  by  a  chambemuMd,  proceeded 
to  vinegar  the  forehead,  beat  the  hands,  titillate  the 
nose,  and  unlace  the  stays  of  the  spinster  aunt,  and  to 
administer  such  other  restoratives  as  are  usually  applied 
by  compassionate  females  to  ladies  who  are  endeavoring 
to  ferment  themsdves  into  hysterics. 

^  Coach  is  ready,  sir,"  said  Sam,  appearing  at  the 
door. 

<*  Come  along,"  cried  Wardle,  "PU  carry  her  down- 
stairs." 

At  this  proposition  the  hysterics  came  on  with  re- 
doubled violence. 

The  landlady  was  about  to  enter  a  very  violent  pro- 
test against  this  proceeding,  and  had  already  given  vent 
to  an  indignant  inquiry  whether  Mr.  Wardle  considered 
himself  a  lord  of  the  creation,  when  Mr.  Jingle  inter- 
posed— 

**  Boots,"  said  he,  "  get  me  an  officer." 

"  Stay,  stay,"  said  little  Mr.  Perker.  **  Consider,  sir, 
consider." 


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THE  HCKWICK  CLUB.  201 

<^m  not  ooBsMer,"  veiled  Jinfj^  Ashe's  her  own 
ouBtresB— see  who  dares  to  take  her  awaj—*  unless  she 
wishes  it" 

*^I  won't  be  taken  away,"  murmured  the  q)in8ter 
amit.  "^  I  dM't  wish  it*  (Here  thero  was  a  firight- 
fiil  rdapse.) 

^  Mj  dear  sir,"  said  the  little  man,  in  a  low  tone,  tak* 
ing  Mr.  Wardle  aad  Mr.  PSdcwick  apart:  ^'My  dear 
iiri  we're  in  a  very  awkward  skoallQik  It's  a  distress* 
ing  ease— very ;  I  serer  knew  one  more  so ;  but  reaUy, 
my  dear  sir,  really  we  hare  no  |>ower  to  oontiol  this 
lady's  actions.  I  warned  you  before  we  eame,  my  dear 
sir,  that  there  was  nothing  to  look  to  but  a  oompromise." 

There  was  a  short  pause. 

^  What  kind  of  oompromise  W9uld  you  recommend  ?  " 
inquired  Mr.  Pickwick. 

^  Why,  my  dear  sir,  ottt*  firiead's  in  an  unpleasant  po- 
skion  —  yery  much  so.  We  must  be  content  to  suffer 
some  pecuniary  losa." 

^I'U  suffer  any,  rather  than  submit  to  this  disgrace, 
and  let  her,  Ibol  as  she  is,  be  made  miserable  for  fife," 
said  Wardle. 

<"!  rather  think  it  can  be  done,"  said  thebustUng  Httle 
man*  ^  Mr.  Jingle,  will  you  step  with  us  into  the  next 
room  for  a  moment  ?  " 

Mr.  Jingle  assented^  and  the  quartette  walked  into  an 
empty  i^fMurtment 

^Now  sur,**  said  the  little  man,  as  he  careftiUy  closed 
the  door,  **  is  there  no  way  of  accommodating  this  mat- 
ter—  step  this  way  sir,  for  a  moment— ^ into  this  win- 
dow, sir,  where  we  can  be  alone  ^— there,  sir,  there, 
pray  ait  down,  air.  Now,  my  dear  sir,  between  you 
ind  L  we  know  very  well,  my  dear  sir,  that  you  have 


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.202  POSTEUMOOS  PAPRBS  OF 

ran  off  ^ith  diis  lad^  fbr  the  sake  of  her  monej.  Don*t 
frown,  sir,  don't  frown ;  I  saj,  between  jou  and  I,  «m 
know  it  We  are  both  men  of  the  world,  and  we  know 
very  well  that  our  friends  here  are  not  —  eh  ?  " 

Mr.  Jin^e's  fiiee  gradually  relaxed,  and  something 
distantly  resembling  a  wink,  quivered  for  an  instant  iii 
his  left  eye* 

^  Very  good,  very  good,"  said  the  little  man,  observ^ 
ing  the  impression  he  had  made.  ^  Now  the  fact  is,  that 
beyond  a  few  hundreds,  the  lady  has  little  or  nothing  till 
the  death  of  her  mother  —  fine  old  lady,  my  dear  sir." 

^  0^"  said  Mr.  Jingle,  briefly  but  ^nphadcally. 

^Why,  yes,**  said  the  attorney  with  a  slight  cough. 
^  You  are  right,  my  dear  sir,  she  is  rather  old.  She 
comes  of  an  old  fiunpy  though,  my  dear  sir;  old  in 
every  sense  of  the  word.  The  founder  of  that  family 
came  into  Kent,  when  Julius  Casar  invaded  Britain ;  — 
only  one  member  of  it,  since,  who  hasn't  lived  to  eigfa^- 
five,  and  he  was  beheaded  by  one  of  the  Henrjrs.  The 
old  lady  is  not  seventy-three  now,  my  dear  sir."  The 
little  man  paused,  and  took  a  pinch  of  snuff. 

"Well,"  cried  Mr.  Jing:le. 

**  Well,  my  dear  sir—  you  don't  take  snuff?  —  ah !  so 
much  the  better  —  expensive  habit  —  well,  my  dear  sir, 
you're  a  fine  young  man,  man  of  the  world— al^  to 
push  your  fortune,  if  you  had  capital,  eh  ?  " 

**  Well,"  said  Mr.  Jingle  again. 

**  Do  you  comprehend  me  ?  " 

«  Not  quite." 

**  Don't  you  think  —  now,  my  dear  sir,  I  put  it  to  yon, 
dtm*t  you  think  —  that  fifty  pounds  and  liberty,  would 
be  better  than  Miss  Wardle  and  expectation  ?  " 

<"  Won't  do — not  half  enough  I"  said  Mr. -Jingle  rifv 
ing. 

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TBE  nOKWICK  CLUB.  '2M 

**  Nay,  m^,  my  dear  atev"  TMaonstntted  the  little  attor- 
ney, seixing  him  by  the  button.  ^  Good  round  sum  — a 
man  like  you  could  treble  k  in  no  time  —  great  deal  to 
be  done  with  fifty  pounds,  my  dear  air,'* 

^  Kore  to  be  done  with  a  hundred  and  fifty^"  replied 
Mr.  Jingle  coolly. 

^WeU,  my  dear  lir,  we  won't  waste  time  splitting 
atraws,"  resumed  theiUttle  man,  **say*— say --^sev- 
enty.'' 

"^  Won't  do,"  said  Mr.  Jingle. 

^  Don't  go  away,  my  dear  sir  -—  pray  don't  hurry,"  said 
the  little  man«  ^Eighty ;  come  :  Fll  write  you  a  check 
at  once." 

<<  Won't  do,"  said  Mr.  Jmgle. 

^  Well,  my  dear  sir,  well,"  said  the  little  man,  still  de 
taining  him ;  ^  just  tell  me  what  wiU  do." 

^Expenatve  affiur,"  said  Mr.  Jii^^le.  ^Money  out  of 
pocket  —  posting,  nine  pounds;  license,  three — that's 
twelve — compensation,  a  hundred — hundred  and  twelre 
—  breach  of  honor —and  fees  ai  the  lady  "  — » 

^  Yes,  my  dear  sir,  yes,"  said  the  little  man,  with  a 
knowing  hck,  ''never  mind  the  last  two  items.  That's  a 
hundred  and  twelve  —  say  a  hundred  —  comie." 

^  And  twenty,"  said  Mr.  Jingle. 

^  Come,  come,  Fll  write  you  a  check,"  said  the  little 
man ;  and  down  he  sat  at  die  table  for  that  pmrpoee. 

^  rU  make  it  payable  the  day  after  to-morrow,"  said 
the  little  man,  with  a  look  towards  Mr.  Wardle ;  ^  and 
we  ctti  get  die  lady  away,  meanwhile."  Mr.  Wardle 
•nUenly  nodded  assent 

"^  A  hundred,"  said  the  little  man. 

^  And  twenty,"  said  Mr.  Jin^e. 

<*My  dear  sir,"  remonstrated  the  little  man. 


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tM  POSTHUMOUS  PAPEII8  OF 

"<  Give  it  Mm,"  interposed  Mr.  Wardle,  <«  and  let  him 

go- 

The  dieck  was  written  by  the  little  gentleman,  and 
pocketed  bj  Mr.  Jingle. 

"^Now,  leave  thifl  boose  instantly l"  said  Wardle, 
starting  up. 

«<Mj  dear  sir,"  nrged  the  litde  man. 

«  And  mind,**  said  Mr.  WaitHe,  <^thiit  nothing  sboald 
have  induced  me  to  make  this  compromise  —  not  even 
a  regard  for  mj  family  —  if  I  had  not  known,  that  the 
moment  you  got  any  money  in  that  poeket  of  yours, 
you'd  go  to  the  devU  &8t«r,  if  possible,  than  yon  would 
without  it"  — 

^  My  dear  sir,"  urged  the  liitle  man  agam. 

^Be  quiet,  Perker,"  resumed  Waidk.  ^  Leave  the 
room,  sir." 

''Off  direcdy,"  said  die  unabashed  Jingle.  ''Bye, 
bye,  Pickwick." 

J£  any  di^assionate  spectator  coold  have  beheld  the 
countenance  of  the  illustrious  man,  whose  name  forms 
the  leadmg  feature  of  the  title  of  this  work,  during  the 
latter  part  of  this  conversation,  he  would  have  been  al- 
most induced  to  wonder  that  the  indignant  fire  which 
flashed  finom  his  eyes,  did  not  melt  the  glasses  bf  his 
spectacles — so  miotic  was  his  wrath.  His  nostrils 
dilated,  and  his  fists  debched  iavcduntarily,  as  he  heard 
him^lf  addressed  by  the  vilkiuK  But  he  restrained  hira-> 
sdf  again -^  be  did  iu4  pulverise  him. 

^  Here,"  continued  the  hardened  traitor,  tossing  the 
license  at  Mr.  Pickwick's  feet;  ''get  the  naaie  altered— 
take  home  the  lady  —  do  for  Tuppy." 

Mr.  Pickwick  was  a  philosopher,  but  philosophers  are 
only  men  in  armor,  after  alL    The  shaft  had  reached 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  fOt 

turn,  penetrated  tfarpugh  his  philosoplucal  harneas  to  his 
very  heart  In  the  frenzy  of  hia  rage,  he  hnrled  the 
inkstand  madly  forward,  and  followed  it  up  himself. 
But  Mr.  Jingle  had  disappeared,  and  he  found  himself 
canght  in  the  arms  of  Sam. 

"  Hallo,"  said  that  eccentric  functionary,  "  fumiter's 
cheap  were  you  come  from,  sir.  Self-acting  ink,  that 
'ere ;  it's  wrote  your  mark  upon  the  wall,  old  genlm'n. 
Hold  st^  sir  t  wot^s  the  use  o'  mnnin'  arter  a  man  as 
has  made  his  ku^y,  and  got  to  toother  end  of  the  Bor- 
ough by  this  time? " 

Mr.  Pickwick's  mind,  like  those  of  all  truly  great 
men,  was  open  to  conviction.  He  was  a  quick  and  pow- 
erful reasoner;  and  a  moment's  reflection  suffered  to 
remind  fa^  of  the  iittpoteaoy  of  his  rage*  It  subsided  as 
quickly  as  it  had  been  loined.  He  panted  for  breath, 
and  looked  beoignandy  found  upon  his  fHends. 

Shall  we  tell  the  hunentations  that  ensued,  when  Miss 
Yardle  found  herself  deserted  by  the  faithless  Jingle? 
Shall  we  extract  Mr.  Pickwick's  masterly  description 
of  that  heart-rending  scene?  His  note-book,  blotted 
with  tkkO  tears  of  sympatkiiii^  hwnanity,  lies  open  be- 
fore us ;  one  wlord,  and  it  is  in  the  printer^s  hands.  But, 
no  I  we  win  be  resolute !  We  will  not  wring  the  piibfic 
bosom  with  the  deHneafion  of  such  suffering  1 

l^wly  and  sacOy  did  the  two  friends  and  the  deserted 
lady  return  next  day  in  the  Muggleton  heavy  coach. 
Dimly  and  darkly  had  the  sombre  shadows  of  a  sum- 
mer's nig^t  ^dlen  upon  all  around,  when  they  again 
reached  Dii^ley  Ddi,  and  stood  within  the  entrance  to 
Manor  Farm. 


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S^  POSTHUMOTB  PJLFERS  OF 


CHAPTER  XL 
onroLyiNO  anothbb  joubnet,  akd   an   ahtiqita* 

RIAM  DISCOYEBT.     BBOORDINO  MB.  PIOKWICK'S  DB« 
TEBMINATION    TO    BB    PBE8BNT    AT   AN    ELBOTION  | 

amd    oontainimg   a   maimsobipt   of   thb    old 
clebgtman's. 

A  NiOBT  of  quiet  and  wspoae  in  Che  proftund  sOenoe 
of  Dioglej  Dell,  and  an  hoards  breaihing  of  its  fresh 
and  fragrant  air  on  the  ensnmg  morning,  completely 
recovered  Mr.  Pickwick  from  the  effects  of  his  late 
fatigue  of  body  and  anxiety  of  mind.  That  illustnons 
man  had  been  separated  from  his  friends  and  fbllowers 
for  two  whole  days ;  and  it  was  with  a  d^ree  of  pleas- 
ure and  delight,  which  no  common  imaginadon  can  ad* 
equately  conceive,  that  he  stepped  forwaid  to  greet  Mr. 
Wiidde  and  Mn  Snodgrass,  as  he  encountered  those 
gentlemen  on  his  return  from  his  early  walk.  The 
pleasure  was  mutual ;  fbr  who  could  ever  gaste  on  Mr. 
Pickwick's  beaming  face  without  experiencing  the  sen- 
sation ?  But  still  a  cloud  seemed  to  hang  orer  his  com- 
panions which  that  great  man  could  not  but  be  sensible 
of,  and  was  wholly  at  a  loss  to  account  for.  Thel«  was  a 
mysterious  air  about  them  both,  as  unusual  as  it  wan 
alarming. 

^  And  how,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick,  when  he  had  grasped 


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THE  PICKWIGK  CLUB.  207 

Ub  iblkmen  bj  the  hatid,  and  exchanged  warm  saluta- 
tions of  welcome  ;  **  how  is  Tapman  ?  " 

Mr.  Winkle,  to  whom  the  question  was  more  pecnl* 

tarlj  addressed,  made  no  reply.    He  turned  away  his 

bead,  and  appeared  absorbed  in  melancholy  reflection. 

**  Snodgrass,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick,  earnestly,  "  How  is 

our  friend  —  he  is  not  ill  ?" 

^  No,"  replied  Mr.  Snodgrass ;  and  a  tear  trembled 
on  his  sentimental  eyelid,  like  a  rain-drop  on  a  window - 
frame.    "  No ;  he  is  not  ill." 

Mr.  Pickwick  stopped,  and  gazed  on  each  of  his  friends 
in  turn. 

"  Winkle  —  Snodgrass,"  sfdd  Mr.  Pickwick :  "  what 
does  this  mean?  Where  is  our  friend  ?  What  has  hap- 
pened? Speak — I  conjure,  I  entreat — nay,  I  command 
you,  speak." 

There  was  a  solemnity — a  dignity — in  Mr.  Pickwick's 
manner,  no*  to  be  withstood. 

**  He  is  gone,"  said  Mr.  Snodgrass. 
**  Gk)ne ! "  exclaimed  Mr.  Pickwick,  «  Gone ! " 
**  Gk)ne,"  repeated  Mr.  Snodgrass. 
"  Where  ?  "  ejaculated  Mr.  Pickwick. 
'^We  can  only  guess  from  that  communication,"  re- 
plied Mr.  Snodgrass,  taking  a  letter  from  his  pocket,  and 
placing  it  in  his  friend's  hand.     "Yesterday  morning, 
when  a  letter  was  received  from  Mr.  Wardle,  stating 
that  you  would  be  home  with  his  sister  at  night,  the 
melancholy  which  had  hung  over  our  friend  during  the 
whole  of  the  previous  day,  was  observed  to  increase. 
He  shortly  aflerwards    disappeared;    he  was   missing 
during  the  whole  day,  and  in  the  evening  this  letter 
was  brought  by  the  hostler  from  the  Crown,  at  Muggle* 
ton.    It  had  been  lad  in  his  charge  in  the  morning, 


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208  POSTHUMOUS  PAFEBS  OF 

with  a  strict  injunction  ihkt  it  should  not  be  delivered 
until  night** 

Mr.  Pickwid^  opened  the  epistle.  It  was  in  his  friend's 
handwriting,  and  these  were  its  contents :  — 

«Mt  dear  Pickwick, 

^  You,  mjr  dear  friend,  are  placed  &r  beyond  the 
reach  of  many  mortal  frailties  and  weaknesses  which 
ordinary  people  cannot  overcome.  You  do  not  know 
what  it  is,  at  one  blow,  to  be  deserted  by  a  lovely  and 
fascinating  creature,  and  to  fall  a  victim  to  the  arti- 
fices of  a  villain,  who  hid  the  grin  ci  cunning  beneath 
the  mask  of  friendship.     I  hope  you  never  may. 

*^  Any  letter,  addressed  to  me  at  the  Leather  Bottle, 
Cobhamiy  Kent,  will  be  forwarded  —  supposing  I  still 
exist.  I  hasten  from  the  sight  of  that  world,  whidi 
has  become  odious  to  me.  Should  I  hasten  from  it  al- 
together, pity  —  forgive  me.  Life,  my  dear  Pickwicky 
has  become  insupportable  to  met  The  spirit  which  bums 
within  us,  is  a  porter's  knot,  on  which  to  rest  (he  heavy 
load  of  worldly  cares  and  troubles ;  and  when  that  spirit 
fiiilfl  us,  the  burden  is  too  heavy  to  be  borne.  We  sink 
beneath  it.    You  may  tell  Rachael  —  Ah,  that  name !  -— 

"Tract  Tupman.** 

**  We  must  leave  this  place,  directly,**  said  Mr.  Pick- 
wick, as  he  refolded  the  note.  •  It  wouM  not  have  been 
decent  for  us  to  remain  here,  under  any  circumstances, 
after  what  has  happened ;  and  now  we  are  bound  to  fol- 
low in  search  of  our  friend.**  And  so  saying,  he  led  the 
way  to  the  house. 

His  intention  was  rapidly  communicated.    The  en- 


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TBE  nOKWIOK  OLUB.  309 

treaties  to  remain  were  presaiiigt  bat  Mr.  Pickwick  wm 
iaflexibie.  Busiiiess,  he  laidy  required  his  ioimediaAe 
astendance. 

Hm  old  clergymaii  was  present. 

^Tou  are  not  really  going?"  said  he,  taking  Mr* 
Pickwick  aside. 

Mr.  I^dtwick  reiterated  his  fonn^r  determination. 

^llien  here,"  said  the  old  gentleman,  ^ is  a  little  mail" 
ttscript,  which  I  had  hoped  to  have  the  pleasure  of  read- 
ing to  700  myself.  I  foond  it  on  the  death  of  a  friend  of 
mine  —  a  medical  man,  engaged  in  onr  Goanty  Lunatic 
Asylum — among  a  variety  of  papers,  which  I  had  the 
option  of  destroying  or  preserving,  as  I  thought  proper. 
I  can  hardly  believe  that  the  manuscript  is  genuine, 
thou^  it  certainly  is  not  in  my  friend's  hand.  Howev- 
er, whether  it  be  the  genuine  production  of  a  maniac,  or 
Ibunded  upon  the  ravings  of  soine  unhappy  being,  which 
I  think  more  probable,  read  it,  and  judge  for  yourself." 

Mr.  Pickwick  reoeived  the  manosoripi,  and  parted 
from  the  benevolent  old  gentleoMm  with  many  expres- 
sions of  gDod-wiU  and  esteem. 

It  was  a  more  difficult  task  to  take  leave  of  the  in- 
mates of  Manor  Farm,  frtxn  whom  they  had  received  ao 
much  hospitality  and  kindness.  Mr»  Pickwick  kissed 
the  young  ladies^- we  were  going  to  say,  as  if  they 
were  his  own  dau^ters,  only  as  he  might  possibly  have 
infused  a  Ik^e  m(H:e  warmth  into  the  salutation^  tlie  com- 
parison would  not  be  quite  i^ropHate  —  hu£g;ed  the  old 
lady  with  filial  cordiality :  and  patted  the  ro^  cheeks  of 
the  ^Mttale  servants  in  a  most  patriarchal  manner,  as  he 
flipped  into  the  hands  of  each,  some  more  subs»tantial 
expressions  <^  his  approval  The  exchange  of  cordiali- 
ties with  their  fine  old  host  and  Mr.  Trundle,  were  even 


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210  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

moi-e  hearty  and  prolonged;  and  it  was  not  until  Mr. 
Snodgrass  had  been  several  times  called  for,  and  at  last 
emerged  from  a  dark  passage  followed  soon  afler  by  Em- 
ily (whose  bright  eyes  looked  mmsually  dim)  that  the 
three  friends  were  enabled  to  tear  themselves  from  their 
friendly  entertainers.  Many  a  backward  look  £hey  gave 
at  the  Farm,  as  they  walked  slowly  away :  and  many  a 
kiss  did  Mr.  Snodgrass  wall  in  the  air,  in  acknowledge 
ment  of  something  very  like  a  lady's  handkerdiief,  Which 
was  waved  from  one  of  the  upper  windows,  until  a  turn 
of  the  lane  hid  the  old  house  from  their  sight. 

At  Muggleton  they  procured  a  conveyance  to  Bochea- 
ter.  By  the  time  they  reached  the  last-named  place, 
the  violence  of  their  grief  had  sufficiently  abated  to  ad- 
mit of  their  making  a  very  excellent  early  dinner ;  and 
havings  procured  the  necessary  information  relative  to 
the  road,  the  three  friends  set  forward  again  in  the  after- 
noon to  walk  to  Cobham. 

A  delightful  walk  it  was :  for  it  was  a  pleasant  after- 
noon in  June,  and  their  way  lay  through  a  deep  and 
shady  wood,  cooled  by  the  light  wind  which  gently  rus- 
tled the  thick  foliage,  and  enlivened  by  the  songs  of  the 
birds  that  perched  upon*  the  boughs.  The  ivy  and  the 
moss  crept  in  thick  clusters  over  the  old  trejds,  and  the 
wfi  green  turf  overspread  the  ground  like  a  silken  mat. 
Tliey  emerged  upon  an  open  park,  wi&  an  ancient  hall, 
difiplaying  the  quaint  and  picturesque  architecture  of 
Elizabeth's  time.  Long  vistas  of  stately  oaks  and  elm- 
trees  appeared  on  every  side  :  laige  herds  of  deer  were 
cropping  the  fresh  grass ;  and  occasionally  a  startled  hare 
scoured  along  the  ground,  with  the  speed  of  tHe  shad- 
ows thrown  by  the  light  clouds  which  sweep*  across  a 
sunny  landscape  like  a  passing  lM«ath  of  summer. 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  211 

<"  If  this,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick,  looking  about  him;  <«if 
this  were  the  place  to  which  all  who  are  troubled  with  our 
friend's  complamt  came,  I  (kacy  their  old  attachment  to 
this  world  would  very  soon  return." 

*"  I  think  so  too,**  said  Mr.  Winkle. 

"And  really,"  added  Mr.  Pickwick,  after  half  an  hour's 
walking  had  brou^t  them  to  the  village,  "  really  for  a 
misanthrope's  choice,  this  is  one  of  the  prettiest  and  most 
desirable  places  of  residence,  I  ever  met  with." 

In  this  opinion  also,  both  Mr.  Winkle  and  Mr.  Snod- 
grass  expressed  their  concurrence ;  and  having  been  di- 
rected to  the  Leather  Botde,  a  clean  and  commodious 
village  ale-house,  the  three  travellers  entered,  and  at 
once  inquired  for  a  gentleman  of  die  name  of  Tupman. 

^  Show  the  gentlemen  into  the  parlor,  Tom,"  said  the 
landlady. 

A  stout  country  lad  opened  a  door  at  the  end  of  the 
passage,  and  the  three  fmnds  entered  a  long,  low-roofed 
room,  itimidied  with  a  large  number  of  high-backed 
leather-cushioned  chairs,  of  &ntastic  shapes,  and  embel- 
li^ed  with  a  great  variety  of  old  portraits  and  roughly- 
colored  prints  of  some  antiquity.  At  the  upper  end  c^ 
the  room  was  a  table,  with  a  white  ck>th  upon  it,  well- 
covered  with  a  r6ast  fowl,  bacon,  ale,  and  et  ceteras; 
and  at  the  table  sat  Mr.  Tupman,  looking  as  unlike  a 
man  who  had  taken  his  leave  of  the  world,  as  possible. 

On  the  entrance  of  his  (Hends,  that  gentleman  laid 
ioiwn  his  knife  and  foii^  and  with  a  mournful  air  ad- 
vanced to  meet  them. 

•*I  did  not  expect  to  see  you  here,"  he  said,  as  he 
grasped  Mr.  Pickwick's  hand.    "  It's  very  kind." 

"Ah!"  said  Mr.  Pickwick,  sitting  down,  and  wiping 
from  his  forehead  the  perspiration  which  the  walk  had 

vou  I.  14 

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212  POSTHnifOl/&  PAPEBS  OF 

engendered.     ^' Fmisk* your  dinner,  and  walk  out  wit!- 
me.    I  wish  to  speak  to  70a  akme." 

Mr.  Tupman  did  as  he  was  desired ;  and  Mr.  Pick- 
wick having  refreshed  himself  with  a  copious  draught  of 
ale,  waited  his  friend's  leisuiB.  The  dinner  was  quickly 
despatched,  and  the^  walked  out  together. 

For  half  an  hour,  their  forms  mi^t  have  heen  seea 
pacing  the  churdi-*7anl  to  and  fro^  while  Mr.  Pickwick 
was  engaged  in  comhatiag  Us  companion's  resolution* 
Anj  repetition  of  hia  arguments  would  be  useless ;  for 
what  language  could  convey  to  them  diat  eaaergy  and 
force  which  their  great  oiig^aator's  manner  oommoni- 
cated  ?  Whether  Mr.  Tupmao  was  already  tired  of  rd- 
tiremeot,  or  whether  he  was  wholly  unable  to  resist  the 
eloquent  i^peal  which  was  made  to  him,  matters  not,  he 
did  nai  resist  it  at  last 

"  It  mattered  little  to  him,"  he  said,  ^  where  he  dragged 
out  the  miserable  remainder  of  his  days :  and  since  hie 
friend  laid  so  much  stress  upon  hie  humble  companion- 
ship, he  was  willing  to  share  his  adventures." 

Mr.  Pickwick  smiled ;  they  shook  hands ;  and  walked 
back  to  r^oin  their  companicms. 

It  was  at  this  moment  that  Mr.  Pickwidi  made  that 
immortal  discovery,  which  has  been  the  pride  and  bonst 
of  his  friends,  and  the  envy  of  every  antiquarian  in  thia 
or  any  other  country.  They  had  passed  the  door  of 
their  inn,  and  walked  a  litUe  way  down  the  village,  be* 
fore  they  recollected  the  precise  spot  in  which  it  stood 
As  they  turned  back,  Mr.  Pickwick's  eye  fell  upon  r 
small  broken  stone,  partially  buried  in  the  ground,  ir 
front  of  a  cottage-door.     He  paused. 

'^  This  is  very  strange,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick. 

.^'What  is  strange?"  inquired  Mr.  Tupman,  staring 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  213 

ei^rlj  at  every  object  near  him,  bat  the  right  one. 
''God  bless  me,  what's  the  matter?*^ 

This  last  was  an  ejacaladon  of  irrepressible  astonish* 
ment,  occasioned  by  seeing  Mr.  Pickwick,  in  his  enthusi- 
asm for  discovery,  fall  on  his  knees  before  the  little 
stone,  and  commence  wiping  the  dust  off  it  with  his 
pocket-handkerchief. 

**  There  is  an  inscription  here,**  said  Mr.  Pickwick. 

**  Is  it  posdble  ? ''  said  iftr.  Topman. 

''I  can  discern,''  continued  Mr.  Pickwick,  nibbing 
away  with  all  his  might,  and  gazing  intently  through 
his  spectacles:  ^I  can  discern  a  cross,  and  a  B,  and 
then  a  T.  This  is  important,*  c6ntbued  Mr.  Pickwick, 
starting  up.  "  This  is  some  very  old  inscription,  exist- 
ing perhaps  long  before  the  ancient  alms-houses  in  this 
place.    It  must  not  be  losf 

He  tapped  at  the  cottage-door.  A  laboring  map 
opened  it 

"Do  you  know  hoKt  this  stone  oame  here,  my  friend?* 
inquired  the  benevolent  Mr.  Pickwick. 

**  No,  I  doan't,  sir,"  replied  the  man  civilly.  « It  was 
here  long  afore  I  war  b<n*n,  or  any  on  us." 

Mr.  Pickwick  glanced  triumphantly  at  his  compan- 
ion. 

"You — yon  — are  not  particularly  attached  to  it,  I 
dare  say,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick,  trembling  with  anxiety. 
**  You  wouldn't  mind  selling  it,  now  ?  " 

"  Ah !  but  who'd  buy  it  ?  "  inquired  the  man,  with  an 
expression  of  face  which  he  probably  meant  to  be  very 
cunning. 

"  ril  give  you  ten  shillings  for  it,  at  once,"  said  Mr. 
Pickwick,  ^  if  you  would  take  it  up  for  me." 

Hie  astonishment  of  the  village  may  be  easily  imag- 


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214  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

tned,  when  (the  little  stone  having  been  raised  with  one 
wrench  of  a  spade)  Mr.  Pickwick,  by  dint  of  great  per- 
sonal exertion,  bore  it  with  his  own  hands  to  the  inn,  and 
after  having  carefully  washed  it,  deposited  it  on  the  table. 
The  exultation  and  joy  of  the  Pickwickians  knew  nc 
bounds  when  their  patience  and  assiduity,  theh*  washir  g 
and  scraping,  were  crowned  with  success.  The  stone 
was  uneven  and  broken,  and  the  letters  were  straggling 
and  irregular,  but  the  following  fragment  of  an  inscrip- 
tion was  clearly  to  be  deciphered : 

+ 

B    I    L    S   T 

U    M 

P    S    H    I 

S.    M. 

ARK 

Mr.  Pickwick's  eyes  sparkled  with  delight,  as  he  sat 
and  gloated  over  the  treasure  he  had  discovered.  He 
had  attained  one  of  the  greatest  objects  <^  his  ambition. 
In  a  county  known  to  abound  in  remuns  of  the  eariy 
ages ;  in  a  village  in  which  there  still  existed  some  me- 
morials of  the  Mea  time,  he  —  he,  the  Chairman  of  the 
Pi<^wick  Club  —  had  discovered  a  strange  and  curious 
inscription  of  unquestionable  antiquity,  which  had  wholly 
escaped  the  observation  of  the  many  learned  men  who 
had  preceded  him.  He  could  hardly  trust  the  evidence 
of  his  senses. 

**  This  —  this,"  said  he,  "  determines  me.  We  return 
to  town  to-morrow." 

**  To-morrow  I "  exclaimed  his  admiring  followers. 

"To-morrow,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick.  "This  treasure 
mudt  be  at  once  deposited  where  it  am  be  thoroughly 


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216  POSTHUMOUS  PAPB»8  OF 

Every  one  baa  experieneed  tb«t  disagreeable  state  of 
mind,  in  wbicb  a  sensakioD*  of  bodilj  weariness  in  vain 
contends  against  an  inability  to  sleep.  It  was  Mr.  Pick- 
wick's condition  at  tbis  moment :  be  tossed  first  on  one 
side  and  tben  on  tbe  otber ;  and  perseveringlj  closed  bis 
eyes  as  if  to  coax  himself  to  slumber.  It  was  of  no  vmu 
Whetber  it  was  tbe  unwonted  exertion  be  bad  under- 
gone, or  tbe  beat,  or  tbe  brandy  and  water,  or  tbe  strange 
bed,  —  whatever  it  was,  bis  thoughts  kept  reverting  very 
uncotaftfortably  to  tbe  grim  pictures  down-stairs,  and  the 
old  stories  to  which  they  had  given  rise  in  the  oourse  of 
tbe  evening.  After  half  an  hour's  tumbling  about,  he 
came  to  the  unsatasfaotory  conclusion,  that  it  was  of  no 
use  trjring  to  sleep ;  so  he  got  up  and  partially  dressed 
himself.  Anything,  he  thought,  was  better  than  lying 
there  fkncyii^  all  kinds  of  horrors.  He  looked  out  of 
the  window  —  it  was  very  dark.  He  walked  about  the 
room — it  was  very  lonely. 

He  had  taken  a  few  turns  from  the  door  to  tbe  win- 
dow, and  from  the  window  to  tbe  door,  when  tbe  clergy- 
man's manuscript  for  tbe  first  time  entered  bis  bead.  It 
was  a  good  thought.  If  it  fiuled  to  interest  him,  it  might 
send  him  to  sleep.  He  took  it  from  his  ooatrpocket,  and 
drawing  a  small  table  towards  bis  bedside,  trimmed  tbe 
light,  put  on  his  spectacles,  and  composed  himself  to 
read.  It  was  a  strange  handwriting,  and  the  paper  was 
much  soiled  and  blotted.  The  title  gave  him  a  sudden 
start,  too;  and  be  could  not  avoid  casting  a  wistful  glance 
round  tbe  room.  Reflecting  on  tbe  absurdity  of  giving 
way  to  such  feelings,  however,  he  trimmed  the  light  again, 
and  read  as  folk>ws : 


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THK  PICKWIGK  QWB*  317 


▲  MADMAIJI*6  lIANraCBIPT. 

^  Tea !  —  a  madman's  I  How  that  word  would  have 
itruck  lo  my  heart  manj  jearo  ago  I  How  it  woold 
haye  rouaed  the  terror  that  used  to  come  npoa  me  some* 
times;  sending  the  blood  hiseiag  and  tingling  through 
mjr  vebs,  till  the  cold  dew  of  £wr  stood  in  large  drops 
upon  mj  skin,  and  mj  knees  knocked  together  with 
(right  I  I  l&e  it  now,  though.  It's  a  fine  name.  Show 
me  the  monarch  whose  angry  frown  was  ever  feared  like 
the  glape  of  a  madman's  eye — whose  cord  and  axe  were 
ever  half  sosnre  as  a  madman's  gripe.  Ho  1  ho  I  It's  a 
grand  thing  to  be  mad  I  to  be  peeped  at  like  a  wild  lion 
through  the  iron  bars  —  to  gnash  one's  teeth  and  bowl, 
through  the  k>ng  still  night,  to  the  merry  ring  of  a  heavy 
chain  —  and  to  roll  .and  twine  among  the  straw,  trans- 
ported with  such  brave  music  Hurrah  fbr  the  mad- 
house I    Oh,  it^s  a  rare  place  I 

^  I  remember  days  when  I  was  ceroid  of  being  mad ; 
when  I  used  to  start  frcnn  my  sleep,  and  fall  upon  my 
knees,  and  pray  to  be  spared  from  the  curse  of  my  race ; 
When  I  rushed  from  the  sight  of  merriment  or  happiness^ 
to  hide  myself  in  some  lonely  place,  and  spend  the  weary 
hours  in  watching  the  progress  of  the  fever  that  was  to 
consume  my  brain.  I  knew  that  madness  was  mixed  up 
with  my  very  Mood,  and  the  marrow  of  my  bones ;  that 
one  generation  had  passed  away  without  the  pestilence 
appearing  among  them,  and  that  I  was  the  first  in  whom 
it  would  revive.  I  knew  it  must  be  so :  that  so  it  always 
had  been,  and  so  it  ever  would  be :  and  when  I  cowered 
in  some  obscure  comer  of  a  crowded  room,  and  saw  men 
whisper,  and  point,  and  turn  their  eyes  towards  me,  I 


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218  POSTHUMOUS  Pi^ERS  OF 

knew  they  were  telling  each  other  of  the  doomed  mad- 
man ;  and  I  slunk  away  again  to  mope  in  solitude. 

*•  1  did  this  for  years ;  long,  long  years  they  were. 
The  nights  here  are  long  sometimes  —  very  long;  but 
they  are  nothing  to  the  restless  nights,  and  dreadful 
dreams,  I  had  at  that  time.  It  makes  me  cold  to  re« 
member  them.  Large  dusky  forms,  with  sly  and  jeering 
faces,  crouched  in  the  comers  of  the  room,  and  bent  over 
my  bed  at  night,  tempting  me  to  madness.  They  told 
me  in  low  whispers,  that  the  floor  of  the  old  house  in 
wliich  my  father's  father  died  was  stained  with  his  own 
blood,  shed  by  his  own  hand  in  raging  madness.  I  drove 
ray  fingers  into  my  ears,  but  they  screamed  into  my  head 
tiU  the  room  rang  with  it,  that  in  one  generation  before 
him  the  madness  slumbered,  but  that  his  grandfather  had 
lived  for  years  with  his  hands  fettered  to  the  ground,  to 
prevent  his  tearing  himself  to  pieces.  *  I  knew  they  told 
the  truth  —  I  knew  it  well.  I  had  found  it  out  years 
before,  though  they  had  tried  to  keep  it  from  me !  Ha  ! 
ha  I  I  was  too  cunning  for  them,  madman  as  they  thought 
me. 

^At  last  it  came  upon  me,  and  I  wondered  how  I 
could  ever  have  feared  it  I  could  go  into  the  world 
now,  and  laugh  and  shout  with  the  best  among  them^  I 
knew  I  was  mad,  but  they  did  not  even  suspect  it.  How 
I  used  to  hug  myself  with  delight,  when  I  thought  of  the 
fine  trick  I  was  playing  them  after  their  old  pointing  and 
leering,  when  I  was  not  mad,  but  only  dreading  that  I 
might  one  day  become  so  I  And  how  I  used  to  laugh 
for  joy,  when  I  was  alone,  and  thought  how  well  I  kept 
my  secret,  and  how  quickly  my  kind  friends  would  have 
fallen  from  me,  if  they  had  known  the  truth.  I  could 
have  screamed  with  ecstasy  when  I  dined  alone  with 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  21  a 

some  fine  roaring  fellow,  to  think  Bow  pide  he  would 
have  turned,  and  how  hat  he  would  have  run,  if  he  had 
known  that  the  dear  friend  Who  sat  ckwe  to  him,  sharp* 
ening  a  bright  glittering  knife,  was  a  madman  with  all 
(he  power,  and  half  the  will,  to  plunge  it  in  his  heart. 
Oh,  it  was  a  merry  lifel 

^  Riches  became  mine,  wealth  poured  in  upon  me,  and 
I  rioted  in  pleasures  enhanoed  a  thousand-fold  to  me  by 
the  consciousness  of  my  well-kept  secret  I  inherited 
an  estate.  The  law  —  the  eagle-eyed  law  itself,  had 
been  deceiyed,  and  had  handed  over  disputed  thousands 
to  a  madman's  hands.  Where  was  the  wit  ^  the  sharp- 
•i^hted  men  of  sound  mind?    Where  the  dexterity  of  the 

'*^ers,  eager  to  discover  a  flaw  ?  The  madman's  cun- 
ning had  overreached  them  all. 

**  I  had  money.  How  I  was  courted !  I  spent  it  pro- 
fusely. How  I  was  praised !  How  those  three  proud  over- 
bearing brothers  humbled  themselves  before  me  I  The 
old  white-headed  father,  too  —  such  deference  —  sudi 
respect — sudi  devoted  friendship — why  he  worshipped 
me.  llie  old  man  had  a  daughter,  and  the  young  men 
a  sister ;  and  all  the  five  were  poor.  I  was  rich ;  and 
when  I  married  the  girl,  I  saw  a  smile  of  triumph  play 
upon  the  &oes  of  her  needy  relatives,  as  they  thought  of 
their  well-planned  scheme,  and  their  fine  prize.  It  was 
for  me  to  smile.  To  smile  I  To  laugh  outright,  and 
tear  my  hair,  and  roll  upon  the  ground  with  shrieks  of 
merriment  They  little  thought  they  had  married  her 
to  a  madman. 

^  Stay.  J£  they  had  known  it,  would  they  have  saved 
her  ?  A  sister's  happiness  against  her  husband's  goM. 
The  lightest  feather  I  blow  into  the  air,  against  tlie  gny 
ihain  that  ornaments  my  body  I 


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220  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

^  Ib  0ne  tiling  I  was  deoei;red  with  all  my  conning. 
If  I  had  not  been  otiad — lor  tkougli  we  madmen  are 
sharp-witted  enongfa,  we  J^  bewildered  sometimes—* 
I  shooM  hare  known  that  the  giri  would  rather  hare 
been  placed,  stiff  aad  cold  in  a  dall  leaden  coi&n,  than 
borne  an  envied  bride  to  my  rich,  glittering  house.  I 
should  have  known  timt  her  heart  was  with  the  dark- 
led boy  who^  name  I  once  heard  her  breathe  in  her 
troubled  sleep ;  and  that  she  had  been  sacrificed  to  me, 
tio  relieve  the  poverty  of  the  old  white-headed  man,  and 
the  haughty  brothers. 

"  I  don't  remember  forms  or  fiM^es  now,  but  I  know  the 
girl  was  beantifuL  I  knmp  she  was ;  for  in  the  bright 
mponlight  nights,  when  I  start  np  iW>m  my  sleep,  and 
all  is  quiet  about  me,  I  see,  standing  still  and  motionless 
in  one  corner  of  this  cell,  a  slight  and  wasted  figure  with 
loiig  black  hair,  which  streaming  down  her  back,  stirs 
with  no  earthly  wind,  and  eyes  that  fix  their  gaze  on  me, 
and  never  wink  or  cbse.  Hash  I  the  blood  chills  at  my 
h«art  as  I  write  it  down  —  that  form  is  her$  ;  the  fkce  is 
very  pale,  and  the  eyes  are  glassy  briglit ;  but  I  know 
them  welL  That  figure  never  moves ;  it  never  frowns 
and  mouths  as  others  do,  that  fill  this  place  sometimes ; 
bat  it  is  mndi  more  dreadfiil  to  me,  even  than  the  spirits 
that  tempted  me  many  years  ago  —  it  comes  iresh  from 
the  grave ;  and  is  so  very  death-like. 

•«  Fot  nearly  a  year  1  saw  that  face  grow  paler;  for 
nearly  &  year,  I  saw  the  tears  steal  down  the  mournful 
cheeks,  and  never  knew  the  cause.  I  found  it  out  at  last, 
though.  They  could  not  keep  it' from  me  long.  She 
had  never  liked  me  ;  I  had  never  thought  she  did  :  she 
despised  my  wealth,  and  hated  the  splendor  in  which  she 
lived ;  —  I  had  not  expected  that     She  loved  another. 


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THtt  PlCKWrot:  CLUB.  221 

Thk  I  had  never  thoB^t  oJT.  Strange  feelings  came 
over  me,  and  thoughts  foroed  upon  me  by  some  secret 
power,  whirled  round  and  round  mj  brain.  I  did  not 
hate  her,  though  I  hated  the  boy  she  stiU  wept  for.  1 
pitied  —  yes,  I  pitied  —  the  wretehed  life  to  which  her 
cold  and  selfish  relations  had  doomed  her.  I  knew  that 
she  could  not  live  long,  but  the  thought  that  before  her 
death  she  might  give  birth  to  some  ill-fated  being,  des* 
tined  to  hand  down  madness  to  its  offspring,  determine 
me.    I  resolved  to  kill  her. 

^  For  many  weeks  I  thought  of  poison,  and  then  of 
drowning,  and  then  of  fire.  A  fine  sight  the  grand  house 
in  fiames,  and  the  madman's  wife  smouldering  away  to 
cinders.  Think  of  the  jest  of  a  large  reward,  too,  and 
of  some  sane  man  swinging  in  the  wind  fyv  a  deed  he 
never  did,  and  aU  through  a  madman's  cunning!  I 
thought  often  of  diis,  but  I  gave  it  up  at  last.  Oh  I  the 
pleasure  of  stropping  the  razor  day  i^ler  day,  feeling  the 
sharp  edge,  and  thinking  of  the  gash  one  stroke  of  its 
thin  bright  e^  would  make  I 

^  At  last  the  old  spirits  who  had  been  with  me  so  often 
before  whispered  in  my  ear  that  the  time  was  come,  and 
thrust  the  open  nusor  into  my  hand.  I  grasped  it  firmly, 
rose  softly  &:om  the  bed,  and  leaned  over  my  sleeping 
wife.  Her  face  was  buried  in  her  hands.  I  withdmw 
them  softly,  and  they  fell  listlessly  on  her  bosom.*  She 
had  been  vreeping ;  for  the  traces  of  the  tears  were  still 
wet  upon  her  cheek.  Her  iace  was  calm  and  placid ; 
and  even  as  I  locked  upon  it,  a  tranquil  smile  lighted  up 
her  pale  features.  I  laid  my  hand  softly  on  her  shoulder. 
She  started-*- it  wati  only  a  passing  di*eam.  I  leant  for- 
ward agiun.     She  screamed,  and  w<^e. 

^One  motion  of'  my  hand,  and  she  would  never  again 


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222  POSTHUMOUS  PAPKRS  OF 

have  uttered  cry  er  sound.  But  I  was  startled^  and  drew 
back.  Her  ejes  were  6xed  on  mine.  I  know  not  how  it 
was,  but  they  cowed  and  frightened  me ;  and  I  quailed 
beneath  them.  She  rose  from  the  bed^  still  gazing  fix- 
edly and  steadily  on  me.  I  trembled ;  the  razor  was  in 
my  hand,  but  I  could  not  move.  She  made  towards  the 
door.  As  she  neared  it,  she  turned,  and  withdrew  her 
eyes  from  my  &ce.  The  spell  was  broken.  I  bounded 
forward,  and  clutched  her  by  the  arm.  Uttering  shri^ 
upon  shiiek,  she  sunk  upon  the  ground. 

*'  Now  I  could  have  killed  her  without  a  struggle ;  bat 
the  house  was  alarmed.  I  heard  the  tread  of  footsteps 
on  the  stairs.  I  replaced  the  razor  in  its  usual  drawer, 
unfastened  the  door,  and  called  loudly  for  assistance. 

^  They  came,  and  raised  her,  and  placed  her  on  the 
bed.  She  lay  berefl  of  animation  for  hours ;  and  when 
life,  look,  and  speech  returned,  her  senses  had  deserted 
her,  and  she  raved  wildly  and  furiously. 

^  Doctors  were  called  in  —  great  men  who  ndled  up  to 
my  door  in  easy  carriages,  with  fine  horses  and  gaudy 
servants.  They  wei*e  at  her  bedside  for  weeks.  They 
had  a  great  meeting,  and  consulted  together  in  low  and 
solemn  voices  in  another  room.  One,  the  clevei*est  and 
most  celebrated  among  them,  took  me  a^^ide,  and  bidding 
me  prepare  for  the  worst,  told  me  —  me,  the  madman !  — 
that  -my  wife  was  mad.  He  stood  close  beside  me  at  an 
open  window,  his  eyes  looking  in  my  face,  and  lils  hand 
laid  upon  my  arm.  With  one  effort,  I  could  have  hurled 
him  into  the  street  beneath.  It  would  liave  been  nure 
sport  to  have  done  it ;  but  my  secret  was  at  stake,  and  I 
let  him  go.  A  few  days  after,  they  told  me  I  must  place 
her  under  some  restraint :  I  must  provide  a  keeper  for 
her.    //    I  went  into  the  open  fields  where  none  could 


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THE  MCKWICK  CLUB.  228 

hear  me,  and  laughed  tiU  the  air  resounded  with  mj 
shouts ! 

*'  She  died  next  daj.  The  white-headed  old  man  fol* 
lowed  her  to  the  grave,  and  the  proud  brothers  dropped 
a  tear  over  the  insensible  corpse  of  her  whose  sufferings 
they  had  r^arded  in  her  lifetime  with  muscles  of  iron. 
All  this  was  food  for  mj  secret  mirth,  and  I  laughed  be- 
hind the  white  handkerchief  which  I  held  up  to  mj  face, 
as  we  rode  home,  till  the  tears  came  into  my  eyes. 

^  But  though  I  had  carried  my  object,  and  killed  her, 
I  was  restless  and  disturbed,  and  I  felt  that,  before  long, 
my  secret  must  be  known.  I  could  not  hide  the  wild 
mirth  and  joy  which  boiled  witiiin  me,  and  made  me, 
when  I  was  alone  at  home,  jump  up  and  beat  my  hands 
together,  and  dance  round  and  round,  and  roar  aloud. 
When  I  went  out,  and  saw  the  busy  crowds  hurrying 
about  the  streets ;  or  to  the  theatre,  and  heard  the  sound 
of  musie,  and  beheld  the  people  dancing,  I  Mt  such  glee, 
that  I  could  hare  inished  among  them,  and  torn  them  to 
pieces  Hmb  from  Hmb,  and  howled  in  transport.  But  I 
ground  my  teeth,  and  strudL  my  feet  upon  the  floor,  and 
drove  my  sharp  nails  into  my  hands.  I  kept  it  down ; 
and  no  one  knew  I  was  a  madman  yet 

^  I  remember — though  it's  one  of  the  last  things  I  can 
remember  —  for  now  I  mix  realities  with  my  dreams, 
and  having  so  much  to  do,  and  being  always  hurried 
luire,  have  no  time  to  separate  the  two,  from  some  strange 
oonftision  in  which  they  get  involved — I  remember  how  I 
let  it  oat  at  last  Ha !  ha  !  I  think  I  see  their  frightened 
looks  now,  and  feel  the  ease  with  which  I  flung  them 
from  me,  and  dashed  my  clenched  fist  into  their  white 
&ces,  and  then  flew  like  ihe  wind,  and  lefl  them  screaming 
and  slH>uting  far  behindv    The  strength-  of  a  giant  comet 


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224  POSTHUMOUS  PAPBRS  OF 

upon  me  when  I  tbink  of  H.  There — fiee  how  Ifais  iroo 
bar  bends  beneath  mj  furious  wrench.  I  could  snap  it 
like  a  twig^  only  there  are  long  galleries  here  with  many 
doors  —  I  don't  think  I  could  find  my  way  along  them : 
and  even  if  I  could,  I  know  there  are  iron  gates  below 
which  they  keep  locked  and  barred.  They  know  what  a 
clever  madman  I  have  been,  and  they  are  prond  to  hare 
me  here,  to  show. 

'*  Let  me  see ;  —  yes,  I  had  been  out  It  was  late  at 
niglit  when  I  reached  home,  and  found  the  proudest  of 
the  three  proud  brothers  waiting  to  see  me  —  urgent 
business  he  said :  I  recollect  it  well.  I  hated  tlmt  man 
with  all  a  madman's  hate.  Many  and  many  a  time  had 
my  ^gers  longed  to  tear  him.  They  told  me  he  was 
there.  I  ran  swifUy  up-stairs.  He  had  a  ^vord  to  say 
to  me.  I  dismissed  the  servants.  It  was  late,  aad  we 
were  alone  together  — far  th%  fint  Him. 

^  I  kept  my  eyes  carefully  from  him  at  fiifst,  for  I  knew 
what  he  little  thought — and  I  gloried  in  the  knowledge  — *- 
that  the  light  of  madness  gktfuned  from  them  like  fire. 
We  sat  in  silence  for  a  few  minutes.  He  spoke  at 
last  My  recent  dissipation,  and  strange  remarks,  made 
so  soon  after  his  sister's  death,  were  an  insult  to  her  mem- 
ory. Coupling  together  many  circumstances  whieh  had 
at  first  escaped  his  observation,  he  thought  I  had  not 
treated  her  well.  He  wished  to  know  whether  he  Was 
right  in  inferring  that  I  meant  to  cast  a  reproach  upon 
her  memory,  and  a  disrespect  upon  her  fkmily.  It  was 
due  to  the  uniform  he  wore  to  demand  this  explanation. 

''This  man  had  a  commission,  in  the  army — a  com- 
mission purchased  with  my  money,  and  his  sister^s  mis- 
ery !  This  was  the  man  who  had  been  foremost  in  the 
plot  to  ensnare  me,  and  grasp  my  wealth.    Tlua  wiBts  the 


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THE  HCKWIOK  CLITB.  925 

BMn  wlw  had  been  the  nmin  instmment  in  fordnghis 
Bister  W  wed  me ;  well  kncming  that  her  heart  had  been 
g^Ttn  to  that  pnling  b^j.  Doe  1  Dae  to  M$  mnfbrm  I 
The  Hvery  of  his  degnidatidn!  I  tamed  my  eyes 
upon  him — I  oould  not  b^lp  it-— > but  I  spoke  not  a 
woi^ 

''I  saw  the  sodden  change  that  eameupon  him  beneath 
my  gaze.  He  was  a  bold  man,  but  Uie  oolor  faded  from 
fab  fkoe,  and  lie  drew  back  his  chair.  I  dragged  mine 
nearer  to  him;  and  as  I  laughed — I  was  very  merry 
then  —  I  saw  liim  shudder.  I  felt  the  madness  rising 
within  me.     lie  was  afraid  (if  me. 

"  *  You  were  very  fond  of  your  sister  when  she  was 
lUire'  — I  Haid— 'Very.' 

^  He  koked  uneasily  round  him,  and  I  saw  his  hand 
gra^  the  back  of  his  chair :  but  he  said  nothing. 

**  *  You  villain,'  said  I,  *  I  found  you  out ;  I  discovered 
your  hellish  plots  against  me;  I  know  her  heart  was 
fixed  on  some  one  else  befbre  yon  compelled  her  to  mar- 
ry me.    1  know  it  —  I  know  it.' 

^He  jnmped  sndd^ly  from  his  chair,  brandished  it 
aloft,  and  iMd  me  stand  back  —  for  I  took  care  to  be  get- 
tfsjg  closer  to  him,  all  the  time  I  spoke. 

^  I  screamed  rather  than  talked,  for  I  felt  tumultuonti 
passions  eddying  Uiroogfa  my  veins,  and  tihe  did  spirits 
whkipering  asid  taundng  me  to  tear  his  heart  out 

^  '  Damn  you,'  said  I,  starting  up,  and  rushing  upon 
him ;  <  I  killed  her.  I  am  a  madman.  Down  with  you. 
Blood,  bloodi  I  win  have  itl' 

**  I  tamed  aMe  with  one  blow  the  chair  he  hurled  at 
me  in  his  terror,  and  closed  with  him ;  and  with  a  heavy 
srash,  we  rolled  upon  the  floor  together. 

••  It  was  a  fine  struggle  that ;  for  he  was  a  tall  strong 


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226  POSTHUMOUS  FAFrB3  OF 

man,  fighting  for  Ids  life;  and  I  a  powerful  madman, 
thirsting  to  destroj  him.  I  knew  no  strength  could 
equal  mine,  and  I  was  right  Bight  again,  though  a 
madman  I  His  singles  grew  fainter.  I  kaeki  upon  his 
chest,  and  clasped  his  hrawnj  throat  firmly  with  both 
hands.  His  face  grew  purple;  his  ejes  were  starting 
from  his  head,  and  with  protruded  tongue,  he  seemed  to 
mock  me.     I  squeezed  the  tighter. 

'^  The  door  was  suddenly  burst  open  with  a  loud  noise, 
and  a  crowd  of  people  rushed  forward,  crying  aloud  to 
each  other  to  secure  the  madman. 

^My  secret  was  out;  and  my  only  struggle  now  ^vas 
for  liberty  and  freedom.  I  gained  my  feet  before  a  hand 
was  on  me,  threw  myself  among  my  assailants,  and 
cleared  my  way  with  my  strong  arm  as  if  I  bore  a 
hatchet  in  my  hand  and  hewed  them  down  before  me.  I 
gained  the  door,  dropped  oyer  the  banisters,  and  in  an 
instant  was  in  the  street 

^  Straight  and  swifl  I  ran,  and  no  one  dared  to  stop 
me.  I  heard  the  noise  of  feet  behind,  and  redoubled  my 
speed.  It  grew  fainter  and  fainter  in  the  distance,  and 
at  length  died  away  altogether :  but  on  I  bounded,  through 
marsh  and  rivulet,  over  fence  and  wall,  with  a  wild  shout 
which  was  taken  up  by  the  strange  beings  that  flocked 
around  me  on  eyery  side,  and  swelled  the  sound,  till  it 
pierced  the  air.  I  was  borne  upon  the  arms  of  demons 
who  swept  along  upon  the  wind,  and  bore  down  bank 
nnd  hedge  before  them,  and  spun  me  round  and  round 
with  a  rustle  and  a  speed  that  made  my  head  swim,  until 
at  last  they  threw  me  from  them  with  a  violent  shock, 
and  I  fell  heavily  upon  the  earth.  When  I  woke,  I 
found  myself  here  —  here  in  this  gay  cell,  where  the 
^unhght  seldom  comes,  and  the  moon  steals  in  in  rays 


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THE  PICKWICE  CLUB.  227 

which  oiAj  serve  to  show  the  dark  shadows  about  me, 
and  that  sUeot  figure  in  its  <dd  corner.  When  I  lie 
awake,  I  can  sometimes  hear  strange  shrieks  and  cries 
from  distant  parts  of  this  large  pkoe.  What  thej  are, 
I  know  not ;  hot  thej  neither  come  from  that  pale  form, 
nor  does  it  regard  them*  For  from  the  first  shades  of 
dusk  till  the  earliest  li^t  of  mormng,  it  stiU  stands  mo- 
tionless in  the  same  plaoe^  listening  to  the  music  of  m  j 
iron  chain,  and  watching  mj  gambols  on  mj  straw  bed." 

At  the  end  of  the  manuscript  was  written,  in  another 
hand,  this  note: — 

[The  anhappj  man  whose  ravings  are  recorded  above, 
was  a  melancholy  instance  of  the  baneful  results  of  enei^ 
gies  misdirected  in  early  life,  and  excesses  prolonged 
until  their  consequences  could  never  be  repaired.  The 
thoughtless  riot,  dissipation,  and  debaudiery  of  his  young- 
er days,  produced  fever  and  deHrium.  The  first  effects 
of  the  latter  was  the  strange  delusion,  founded  upon  a 
well-known  medical  theory,  strongly  contended  for  by 
some,  and  as  strongly  contested  by  others,  that  an  he- 
reditary madness  existed  in  his  family.  This  produced 
a  settled  gloom,  which  in  time  developed  a  morbid  in- 
sanity, and  finally  terminated  in  raving  madness.  There 
is  every  reason  to  believe  that  the  events  he  detailed, 
though  distCMted  in  the  description  by  his  diseased  imagi- 
nation, really  hi^pened.  It  is  only  matter  of  wonder  to 
those  who  were  acquainted  with  the  vices  of  his  early 
career,  that  his  passions,  when  no  longer  controlled  by 
reason,  did  not  lead  him  to  the  commission  of  still  more 
frightful  deeds.] 

Mr.  Pickwick's  candle  was  just  expiring  ui  the  socket, 
as  he  concluded  the  perusal  of  the  old  clergyman's  manu- 
script ;  and  when  the  light  went  suddenly  out,  without 

vou  2.  15 


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228  POBTHUMOUS  FAPEK8  OF 

BR  J  previous  ikktr  hj  Mvtf  of  warning,  it  mmiiMiiiicftled 
a  VGtj  oonaiderable  start  to  his  excited  ftwne.  Hastily 
throwing  off  snch  artides  of  clothing  as  he  had  put  on 
when  he  rose  from  his  uneasy  bed,  and  casting  a  fearfbl 
glance  around,  he  once  more  scrambled  hastily  between 
the  sheets,  and  soon  fell  fast  asleep* 

The  scm  was  shining  brilliantly  into  his  chamber  when 
ho  awoke,  and  the  morning  was  far  advanced.  The  gloom 
which  had  oppressed  him  on  the  preTiotis  night,  had  di^ 
appeared  wiUi  the  daik  shadows  w%ich  shronded  the 
landscape,  and  his  thoughts  and  his  feelings  were  as  light 
and  gay  as  the  morning  itself.  Afber  a  hearty  break&st, 
the  four  gentlemen  sallied  forth  to  walk  to  Gmvesend, 
IbUowed  by  a  man  bearing  the  stone  in  its  deal  box. 
They  reached  that  town  about  one  o'clock,  (their  luggage 
they  had  directed  to  be  forwarded  to  the  City,  from 
Rochester,)  and  bemg  fortunate  enough  to  secure  places 
on  the  outside  of  a  coach,  arrived  in  London  in  sound 
health  and  spirits,  on  that  saikie  aAemoon. 

The  next  three  or  four  days  were  occupied  with  the 
preparations  which  were  necesstoy  for  their  journey  to 
the  borough  of  Eatanswill.  As  any  reforence  to  that 
roost  important  undertaking  demands  a  separate  chapter, 
we  mny  devote  the  fow  Rnes  Which  remain  at  the  close 
of  this,  to  narrate,  with  great  brevity,  the  lustory  of  the 
antiquariflCn  discovery. 

It  appears  ftt>m  ^e  Transactions  of  the  Club,  then, 
that  Mr.  Pickwick  lectured  upon  the  discovery  at  a 
General  Club  Meeting,  convened  on  the  night  succeeding 
their  return,  and  entered  into  a  vanety  of  ingenious  and 
erudite  speculations  on  the  meaning  of  the  inscription. 
It  also  appears  that  a  skilfbl  artist  executed  a  faithful 
delineation  of  Ae  curiosity,  which  was  engraven  on  stone. 


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THE  HCKWKK  CLOB.  829 

•od  pMseBted  to  Ab  BojbI  Aadqiuaiwi  Soeiety,  and 
•ther  learned  bodies,— tlMit  heart^MimingB  and  jealo«»- 
ies  wkhouli  nuaibery  w«re  oreaied  by  riyal  oontsoTeraes 
which  were  penned  apes  the  subject — and  that  Mr. 
Fiekwick  himsetf  wiote  a  Pamphktt,  cmtaining  ninety- 
six  pages  of  very  smaU  prmt^  and  twettty-eeven  different 
readings  of  the  inaoripti^u  Thai  three  old  gentlemen 
euttoff  (iheir  eldest  sons  wkh  a  shiiHng-a-pieoe  for  pre- 
samiiig  to  doubt  the  antiquity  of  the  fragment — and 
that  eae  enthjisiasi^o  iadividmd  est  himself  off  prema^ 
torefy,  ia  despair  at  being  unable  to  fiUhom  its  meaning. 
Thai  Mr»  Piokwick  wn»  etectad  an  honorary  member  ef 
seventeen  nattra  and  fiirciga  societies)  for  making  the 
discovery ;  that  none  of  the  seventeen  eaold  make  any* 
thing  of  ity  but  that  all  the-sevmiteen  agreed  it  was  very 
esmMNTdinary. 

Mr,  Btotloni  indeed'-**aad  die  aania  wfli  be  doomed 
to  t|ie  undying  contempt  of  tiMse.  who  eidtivate  the 
mysterious  and  the  sobMBe -^  Mir.  Blotton,  we  say,  with 
the  doubt  and  csaiUhig  peculiar  to  vulgar  minds,  pre- 
sumed to  state  a  view  ef  the  case^  m  degrading  a»  rtdNLcu- 
ions.  Mr.  Blotton,  with  a  mean  desire  to  tarnish  the 
lustre  of  the  immortal  name  of  Pidcwiek,  aetuafly  un- 
dertook a  journey  to  Oobham  in  pereon,  and  on  his  return, 
saroasticdfy  observed  in  an  oration  at  the  chib,  that  he 
had  seen  the  man  from  whom  the  stone  was  pun^ased; 
Uiat  the  Bum  presumed  the  stone  to  be  ancient,  but  sol- 
emnly denied  the  antiquity  of  the  inscriptioii-*— inasnracib 
as  he  represented  it  to  have  been  nidely  carved  by  him- 
self in  an  idle  mood,  and  to  display  letters  intended  to 
bear  neither  mom  war  less  than  tiie  simple  oonstrueiion 
o£  "^BiH  Stumps,  hie  mtLrki"  and  that  Mr.  Stumps,  heiag 


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230  MBTBUMOUS  PAPSBS  OF 

little  in  the  habit  ci  original  compoaitioDy  and  more  ao^ 
customed  to  be  guided  bj  the  sound  of  words  than  by 
the  strict  rules  of  orthography,  had  omitted  the  ccmdud- 
ing  '^  L  **  of  his  Christian  name. 

The  Pickwick  Qoby  as  might  have  been  ezpeded 
from  so  enlightened  an  In^itution,  received  this  state- 
ment with  the  contempt  it  deserved,  expelled  the  pre- 
sumptuous and  ill-conditioned  Blotton  from  the  sod^, 
and  voted  Mr.  Pickwick  a  pair  of  gold  spectades,  in 
token  of  their  confidence  and  approbation ;  in  return  fi^ 
which,  Mr.  Pickwick  caused  a  pcMtrait  of  himself  to  be 
painted,  and  hung  up  in  the  dub^oom  —  which  portrait, 
by  the  by,  he  did  not  wish  to  have  destroyed  when  he 
grew  a  few  years  older. 

Mr.  Blotton  was  ejected  but  not  conquered.  He  also 
wrote  a  pamphlet,  addressed  to  the  seventeen  learned 
societies,  containing  a  repetition  of  the  statement  he  had 
already  made,  and  rather  more  than  half  intimating  his 
opinion  that  the  seventeen  learned  sodeties  aforesaid, 
were  so  many  ^  humbugs.''  Hereupon  the  virtuous  in« 
dignation  of  the  seventeen  learned  sodeties  being  roused, 
several  fresh  pamphlets  appeared;  the  foreign  learned 
sodeties  oorresponded  with  the  native  learned  sodetiesi 
the  native  learned  sodeties  translated  the  pamphlets  of 
the  foreign  learned  sodeties  into  English,  the  foreign 
learned  sodeties  translated  the  pamphlets  of  the  na- 
tive learned  sodeties  into  all  sorts  of  languages;  and 
thus  commenced  that  odebrated  sdentific  discussion 
80  well  known  to  all  men,  as  the  Pickwick  ccmtro- 
versy. 

But  this  base  attempt  to  injure  Mr.  Pickwidc,  recoiled 
opon  the  head  of  its  calumnious  author.    The  seventeen 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  231 

learned  societies  unanimouslj  voted  the  presumptuous 
Blotton  an  ignorant  meddler,  and  forthwith  set  to  work 
upon  more  treatises  than  ever.  And  to  this  day  the 
stone  remains,  an  illegible  monument  of  Mr.  Pickwick's 
greatness,  and  a  lasting  imphy  to  the  littleness  of  hia 
enemies. 


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232  POSTHUMOUS  FAPEH8  OF 


CHAPTER  Xn. 

DBSCRIPTIYE  OF  A  VERT  IMPORTANT  PROOEBDDfG 
ON  THE  PART  OF  MR.  PICKWICK;  NO  LE88  AH 
EPOCH   IN   HIS   LIFE,   THAN   IN    THIS   HISTORY. 

Mr.  Pickwick's  apartments  in  Goswell  Street,  al- 
though on  a  limited  scale,  were  not  only  of  a  very  neat 
and  comfortahle  description,  but  peculiarly  adapted  for 
the  residence  of  a  man  of  his  genius  and  observation. 
His  sitdng-room  was  the  first-floor  front,  his  bedroom 
the  second  floor  front ;  and  thus,  whether  he  were  sitting 
at  his  desk  in  the  parlor,  or  standing  before  the  dressing- 
glass  in  his  dormitory,  he  had  an  equal  opportunity  of 
contemplating  human  nature  in  all  the  numerous  phases 
it  exhibits,  in  that  not  more  populous  than  popular  thor- 
oughfare. His  landlady,  'Mrs,  Bardell  —  die  relict  and 
sole  executrix  of  a  deceased  custom-house  officer — was 
a  comely  woman  of  bustling  manners  and  agreeable  ap- 
pearance, with  a  natural  genius  for  cooking,  improved 
by  study  and  long  practice  into  an  exquisite  talent 
There  were  no  children,  no  servants,  no  fowls.  The 
only  other  inmates  of  the  house  were  a  large  man,  and  a 
small  boy ;  the  first  a  lodger,  the  second  a  production  c£ 
Mrs.  Bardell's.  The  large  man  was  always  home  pre- 
cisely at  ten  o'clock  at  night,  at  which  hour  he  regularly 
condensed  himself  into  the  limits  of  a  dwarfish  French 
bedstead   in   the  back-parlor;  and  the  infantine  sports 


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TBK  PIwKWIOK  CLXm,  230 

and  gjAinaslie  exercbefl  of  Master  BardeU  were  exclu 
■irely  oonfined  to  the  neighboring  pavements  and  gul- 
tere*      Cleanliness  and  quiet  reigned  throo^out  the 
house ;  and  in  it  Mr.  Piekwiek'a  will  was  law. 

To  any  one  acquainted  with  these  points  of  tke  do- 
mestk)  eoQBO]ii3r  of  the  estidblishment,  and  conTersant 
with  tlie  admiraUe  iegulati<m  of  Mr.  Piekwiok's  mind, 
his  appearanoe  and  behavior  on  the  morning  prerious  t# 
that  which  had  been  fixed  upon  for  the  journey  to  Eatai^ 
swill,  would  have  been  most  mysterious  and  unaeoountar 
ble«  He  paeed  the  room  to  and  fro  witb  hurried  steps, 
popped  his  head  out  of  the  window  at  intervals  of  itbout 
thi«e  minutes  eaoh,  constantly  re&nred  to  bis  M*atohy  and 
exhibited  many  other  manifestations  of  impatience,  very 
unusual  with  kim.  It  was  evident  that  something  c^ 
great  importance  was  in  contemplation,  but  what  thai 
something  was  not  even  Mrs.  Bardell  herself  had  been 
enabled  to  discover. 

""Mrs*  BardeU,''  said  Mr.  Pickwick,  at  lasti  aa  that 
amiable  female  approached  the  termination  of  a  proK 
longed  dusting  of  the  apartment-^ 

«  Sir,"  said  Mrs.  BardelL 

**  Your  little  boy  b  a  very  kmg  time  gone." 

^  Why  it's  a  good  long  way  to  the  B(Mrou^  sii^**  re- 
■Mmstrated  Mrs.  BardelL 

^Ah,"  said  Mr«  Pickwii^  ''very  true;  so  it  is.** 

Mr.  Pickwick  relapsed  into  silenee,  and  Mfs.  BftideU 
resumed  her  dusting. 

"'Mrs.  BardeU^"  said  Mr.  Pickwick,  at  the  expiration 
of  a  few  minutes. 

""  Sir,"  said  Mrs.  Bardell  again. 

^  Do  you  think  it^s  a  much  greater  expense  to  kee^ 
two  people,  than  to  keep  one  ?  '^ 


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284  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

'^La,  Mr.  Pickwick,"  said  Mrs.  Bardell,  cokyriog  op 
to  the  verj  border  of  her  cap,  as  she  fkncied  she  ob- 
served a  species  of  matrimonial  twinkle  in  the  ejef  of 
her  lodger ;  *^  La,  Mr.  Pickwick,  what  a  question  I " 

^  Well,  but  do  jon  ?  "  inquired  Mr.  Pickwick. 

^  That  depeids  "  —  said  Mrs.  Bardell,  approadmig 
the  duster  very  near  to  Mr.  Pickwick's  elbow,  which  was 
planted  on  the  table  — <<  that  depends  a  good  deal  upon 
the  person,  jou  know,  Mr.  Pickwick ;  and  whether  it^s  a 
saving  and  careful  person,  sir." 

«  That's  very  true,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick,  «  but  the  pcr^ 
son  I  have  in  my  eye  (here  he  looked  very  hard  at  Mrs. 
Bardell)  I  think  possesses  diese  qualities;  and  has, 
moreover,  a  considerable  knowledge  of  the  world,  and  a 
great  deal  of  sharpness,  Mrs.  Bardell ;  which  may  be  of 
material  use  to  me." 

^  La,  Mr.  Pickwick,"  said  Mrs.  Bardell ;  the  crimson 
rising  to  her  cap-border  again. 

^  I  do,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick,  growing  eneiigetic,  as  was 
his  wont  in  speaking  of  a  subject  which  interested  him, 
^I  do,  indeed;  and  to  tell  you  the  truth,  Mrs.  Bardell* 
I  have  made  up  my  mind." 

'^  Dear  me,  sir,"  exclaimed  Mrs.  BaidelL 

^Tou'll  think  it  very  strange  now,"  said  the  amiable 
Mr.  Pickwick,  with  a  good-humored  glance  at  his  com- 
panion, ^  that  I  never  consulted  you  about  diis  nsatter, 
and  never  even  mentioned  it^  till  I  sent  your  little  boy 
out  this  morning  —  eh  ?  " 

Mrs.  Bardell  could  only  reply  by  a  look.  She  had 
long  worshipped  Mr.  Pickwick  at  a  distance,  but  here 
9he  was,  all  at  once,  raised  to  a  pinnacle  to  which  her 
wildest  and  most  extravagant  hopes  had  never  dared  to 
aspire.    Mr.  Pickwick  was  goiiig  to  propose — a  delib> 


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THB  PICKWICK  CLUB.  235 

enite  plan,  too — sent  her  little  boy  to  the  Borough,  to 
get  hun  out  of  the  way  —  how  thoughtful  —  how  ooo-^ 
siderate ! 

"  Well,**  said  Mr.  Pickwick,  "What  do  you  think  ?* 

"^  Oh,  Mr.  Pickwick,"  said  Mrs.  Bardell,  trembUng 
with  agitation,  **  you're  very  kind,  sir." 

*^  It'll  save  you  a  good  deal  of  trouble,  won't  it? *  laid 
Mr.  Pickwick. 

^  Oh,  I  never  thought  anything  of  the  trouble,  sir,"  re» 
plied  Mrs.  Bardell ;  "  and  of  course  I  shall  take  more 
trouble  to  please  you  then,  than  ever ;  but  it  is  so  kind 
of  you,  "Mr.  Pickwick,  to  have  so  much  consideration 
for  my  loneliness." 

"Ah,  to  be  sure,"  said  Mr.  Pickwid^;  "I  never 
thought  of  that  When  I  am  in  town,  you'll  always 
have  somebody  to  sit  with  you.  To  be  sure,  so  you 
wiU." 

"  Fm  sure  I  ought  to  be  a  very  hi^py  woman,"  said 
Mrs.  BardelL 

"  And  your  litde  boy  "  —  said  Mr.  Pickwick. 

"  Bless  his  heart,"  interposed  Mrs.  BardeU  with  a  ma- 
ternal sob. 

"  He,  too,  will  have  a  companion,"  resumed  Mr.  Pick* 
wick,  "a  Kvely  one,  wholl  teach  him,  FU  be  bound, 
more  tricks  in  a  week  than  he  would  ever  learn  in  a 
year."    And  Mr.  Pickwick  smiled  placidly. 

^Ohyon  dear"—  said  Mrs.  BardelL 

Mr.  Pickwick  started. 

^  Oh  you  kind,  good,  playful  dear,"  said  Mrs.  Bardelli 
and  without  more  ado,  she  rose  from  her  chair,  and  flung 
her  arms  round  Mr.  Pickwick's  neck,  with  a  cataract  of 
tears  and  a  choms  of  sobs. 

"  Bless  my  soul,"  cried  the  astonished  Mr.  Pickwick  i 


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286  POaTHUHOUS  PAPEB8  OF 

-^^  Mra.  Bardell  mj  good  woman -- dear  me,  what  A  nlo* 
alkm — praj  oonaider.  —  Bfra.  Bavdell,  don't — if  any* 
body  should  come  "  — 

*<  Qty  let  them  come,"  ezolaimed  Miss.  Bardell,  franH- 
ealljr;  "I'll  nevier  leave  jon  —  dear,  kind,  good  aool;* 
and  with  these  words  Mrs.  Bardell  dung  the  tigbtM*. 

^Marqy  wponmey"  said  Mr*  Plokwick,  straggling  Tio- 
lentljy  ^  I  hear  somebody  coming  up  the  stairs.  I>Qn% 
don't,  there's  a  good  creature,  don't"  But  eaCiieaty  and 
remonstrance  wert  alike  unavlailing :  for  Mrs.  BatdeU 
bad  fainted  in  Mr.  Pickwick's  arms ;  and  before  ha 
eould  gain  time  to  depoek  her  on  a  chair,  Master  Bar- 
dell entered  the  room,  ushering  in  Mr.  Tlipman,  Mr* 
Winkle,  and  Mr.  Snodgrass. 

Mr.  Pickwick  was  sfruok  motionless  and  speechless. 
He  stood  with  his  lovelj  burden  in  his  arms,  gasing  va- 
cantlj  on  the  countenances  of  his  friends,  without  the 
sHghtest  attempt  at  recognition  or  e^^ladation.  Thej, 
in  their  turn,  stared  at  him ;  and  Master  Barddl,  in  hia 
turn,  stared  at  everybody. 

The  astonishment  of  the  Piokwickiaos  was  so  abaorb- 
ing,  and  the  perplexity  of  Mr.  Pickwick  was  so  extsieae» 
that  they  might  have  remained  in  exactly  the  same 
relative  situations  until  the  suspended  anunation  of  the 
lady  was  restored,  had  it  not  been  for  a  most  bean* 
tiful  and  touching  exturesaion  of  filial  affection  on  tb% 
part  of  her  youtlufbl  son.  Clad  in  a  tight  suit  of  eor- 
duroy,  spangled  with  brass  buttons  of  a  very  c(maidera- 
ble  sixe,  he  at  first  stood  at  the  door  astoonded  and  on- 
certain  ;  but  by  degrees,  the  impression  that  his  mother 
must  have  suffered  some  pci-sonal  damage,  pervaded  his 
partially  developed  mind,  and  considering  Mr.  Pickwick 
as  the  aggressor,  he  set  up  an  i^palling  and  semi-earthly 


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THE  FfCKWIGK  CLUB.  Wt 

kind  of  bowHng,  and  buttiiig  forward  with  his  head,  com- 
menced assailing  that  immortal  gentleman  about  the 
back  and  legs,  with  such  blows  and  pinches  as  the 
strength  of  his  arm,  and  the  violence  of  his  excite* 
ment,  allowed. 

^  Take  this  little  villidn  awaj,"  said  the  agonized  Mr. 
Pickwick,  "he's  mad." 

''What  is  the  matter?"  said  the  three  tongue-tied 
Pickwickians. 

« I  don't  know,"  replied  Mr.  Pidtwick, .  pettishly. 
*Take  away  the  boy,"  — (here  Mr.  Winkle  carried 
(.he  interesting  boy,  sereaming  and  struggling,  to  the 
farther  end  of  the  apartment).  —  "Now,  help  me,  lead 
this  woman  down  stairs." 

"  Oh,  I  am  better  now,"  said  Mrs.  Bardell,  fhintiy. 

"  Let  me  lead  you  down  stairs,"  said  the  ever  gallant 
Mr.  TnpiiiaQ. 

"Thank  yon, sir-* thank  yon;"  exclaimed  Mrs. Bar- 
dell, hysterically.  And  down  stairs  she  was  led  accord- 
ii^y,  aeeompanied  by  her  affectionate  son. 

"  I  cannot  eonouve  " —  said  Mr.  Hckwick,  when  his 
fipiend  retomed  — ^I  cannot  conceive  what  has  been  the 
matter  with  that  woman.  I  had  merely  annotmced  to 
her  my  intention  of  keeping  a  man-servant,  when  she 
fell  into  the  extraordinary  paroxysm  in  which  you  found 
her.    Very  extraordinary  thing." 

"  Tery,"  said  his  diree  friends. 

"  Placed  me  in  sudi  an  extremely  awkward  situation," 
continued  Mr.  Pickwick. 

"  Very,"  was  the  reply  of  his  followiers,  as  they  cough- 
ed  slightly,  and  looked  dubiously  at  each  other. 

This  behavior  was  not  lo^t  upon  Mr.  Pickwick.  He 
remarked  their  ittefedttlitf.  Tlkey  evidentiy  suspected 
him. 

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fSQ  POSTHUMOUS  PAP£RS  OF 

^  Tliere  is  a  man  in  the  passage  now,"  said  Mr.  Tup* 


^  If  8  the  man  I  spoke  to  jon  about,"  said  Mr.  Pick* 
wick.  ^  I  sent  for  him  to  the  Borough  this  monaiiig. 
Have  the  goodness  to  call  hun  up,  Snodgrass." 

Mr.  Snodgrass  did  as  he  was  desired ;  and  Mr.  Sam- 
uel Weller  forthwith  presented  himself. 

"Oh  —  you  remember  me,  I  suppose  ?  "  said  Mr 
Pickwick. 

"  I  should  think  so,"  replied  Sam,  with  a  patronizing 
wink.  <<  Queer  start  that  'ere,  but  he  was  (me  too  many 
for  you,  wam't  he  ?  Up  to  snuff  and  a  pinch  or  two 
over  —  eh?" 

^  Never  mind  that  matter  now,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick, 
hastily, ''  I  want  to  speak  to  you  about  something  else. 
Sit  down." 

"  Thank'ee,  sir,"  said  Sanu  And  down  he  sat  widioot 
{hrther  bidding,  having  previously  deposited  his  old 
white  hat  on  the  landing  outside  the  door.  "  Ta'n't  a 
werry  good  'un  to  look  at,"  said  Sam,  ^  but  itfs  an  aston- 
ishin'  'un  to  wear ;  and  afore  the  brim  went,  it  was  a 
werry  handsome  tile.  Hows'ever  it's  lighter  without  it, 
thaf  s  one  thing,  and  every  hole  lets  in  some  air,  that's 
another —  wentilation  gossamer  I  calls  it."  On  the  de- 
livery of  this  sentiment,  Mr.  Weller  smiled  agreeably 
upon  the  assembled  Pickwickians. 

^*  Now,  with  regard  to  the  matter  on  which  I,  with  the 
concurrence  of  these  gentlemen,  sent  for  you,"  said  Mr. 
Pickwick. 

"  That's  the  p'int,  sir,"  interposed  Sam ;  **  out  vith  it, 
as  the  father  said  to  the  child,  wen  he  swallowed  a  far- 
den." 

^  We  want  to  know,  in  the  first  place,"  said  Mr.  Pick- 


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THS  PICKWICK  CLUB.  239 

wick,  ^  whether  yoa  have  anj  reason  to  be  disccmteiUvd 
with  your  present  sitnation.'' 

•*  Afore  I  answers  that  'ere  qaestion,  genTm'n,"  repliod 
Mr.  Weller,  "  /  should  like  to  know,  in  the  first  place, 
whether  you're  a  goin'  to  purwide  me  with  a  better." 

A  sunbeam  of  placid  benevolence  played  on  Mr.  Pick- 
wick's features  as  he  said,  ^  I  have  half  made  up  my 
mind  to  engage  you  myself 

*•  Have  you,  though  ?  "  said  Sam. 

Mr.  Pickwick  nodded  in  the  affirmative. 

"  Wages  ?  "  inquired  Sam. 

^  Twelve  pounds  a  year,"  replied  Mr.  Pickwick. 

•^Qothes?" 

"  Two  suits." 

"Work?" 

"  To  attend  upon  me ;  and  travel  about  with  me  and 
these  genUemen  here." 

^  Take  the  bill  down,"  said  Sam,  emphatically.  ^  Fm 
let  to  a  single  gentleman,  and  the  terms  is  agreed  upon." 

^  You  accept  the  situation  ?  "  inquired  Mr.  Pickwick. 

"^Cerfaly,"  replied  Sam.  <"  If  the  cbthesfitB  me  half 
as  well  as  the  place,  they'll  do." 

**  You  can  get  a  character  of  course  ?  "  said  Mr.  Pick- 
wick. 

"^  Ask  the  landlady  o'  the  White  Hart  about  that,  sir," 
replied  Sam. 

"  Can  you  come  this  evening  ?  " 

^  m  get  into  the  clothes  this  minute,  if  they're  here," 
said  Sam  with  great  alacrity. 

'*  Call  at  eight  this  evening,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick  ;  "  and 
if  the  inquiries  are  satisfactory,  they  shall  be  provided." 

With  the  single  exception  of  one  amiable  indiscretion, 
m  which  an  assistant  housemaid  had   equally  paitici- 


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240  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

pated,  the  historj  of  Mr.  WeHer^s  conduct  was  so  very 
blameless,  that  Mr.  Pickwick  felt  fbllj  justified  in  dosing 
the  engagement  that  very  erening.  With  the  promptness 
and  energy  which  characterized  not  only  the  public  pro- 
ceedings, but  all  the  private  actions  of  this  extraordinan 
man,  he  at  once  led  his  new  attendant  to  one  of  those 
convenient  emporiums  where  gentlemen's  new  and  seo- 
ottd-hand  clothes  are  provided,  and  the  troub]e8(Hne  and 
inconvenient  formality  of  measurement  dispensed  with ; 
and  before  night  had  closed  in,  Mr.  Weller  was  furnished 
with  a  gray  coat  with  the  '  P.  0.'  button,  a  blade  hat 
with  a  eodutde  to  it,  a  pink  striped  wavtooat,  light 
breeches  and  gaiters,  and  a  variety  of  other  necessaries, 
too  numerous  to  recapitulate. 

^  Well,**  said  that  suddenly  transformed  individual,  aa 
he  look  his  seat  on  the  outside  of  tlie  Eatanswin  ooadi 
next  morning:  ''I  wonder  wether  Fm  meant  to  be  a 
footman,  or  a  groom,  or  a  gamekeeper,  or  a  seedsman* 
I  lodes  like  a  sort  of  compo  of  every  one  on  'em.  Never 
mind ;  there's  change  of  air^  plenty  to  see,  and  little  to 
do  $  and  all  this  suits  my  compteint  uneommoii ;  so  feng 
life  to  the  Pickvicks,  says  11" 


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Jim  PICKWICK  CLUB.  241 


CHAPTBR  XnL 

#01ilt  AOOOCNT  OF  nAXJkXBWSLh  ;  OF  TKB  iflATB  OY 
PA&TIBA  THBBSIM;  AMD  OF  THB  BLBOTION  <»  A 
XSMBSm  TO  aSBYS  IK  PABLIAMBNt  FOR  THAST  A»* 
QlEMtf  IA>TAL,  AVD   PATBIOTIO   BOBOUAH. 

Wb  will  frankly  adukowledge,  that  up  to  the  period 
ef  our  being  first  immened  in  the  voliiminoiu  papers  of 
the  Pkkwick  elub,  we  had  never  heard  of  EatanawiU ; 
we  will  with  equal  candor  admit,  ttu^  we  have  in  vain 
searehed  for  proof  of  the  actuid  eustence  of  such  a 
plaoe  at  the  present  day.  Knowing  the  deep  relianoe  to 
be  placed  on  every  note  and  statement  of  Mr.  Pickwick's, 
and  not  presuming  to  set  up  our  reooUeolioii  against  the 
recorded  declarations  of  that  great  ma%  we  have  ooa- 
sull»d  every  authority,  bearing  upon  the  sukjeot,  to 
which  we  could  possibly  refer.  We  have  traced  every 
name  in  schedules  A  and  B,  without  meeting  with  that 
of  EatanswiU ;  we  have  minutely  examined  every  oiHmer 
of  the  Pocket  County  Maps  issued  for  the  benefit  of  so- 
ciety by  oar  distinguished  publishers^  and  the  same  result 
has  attended  our  investigation.  We  are  therefore  led  to 
believci  that  Mr.  Pickwidt,  with  that  anxious  desire  to 
abstain  from  giving  offence  to  any,  and  with  those  deli- 
oate  feelings  for  which  all  who  knew  him  well  know  ho 
was  so  eminently  remarkabloi  purposely   substituted  a 


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242  '     POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

fictitious  designation,  for  the  real  name  of  the  place  in 
which  his  observations  were  made.  We  are  confirmed 
in  this  belief  by  a  little  circumstance,  apparently  slight 
and  trivial  in  itself,  but  when  considered  in  this  poilit  of 
view,  not  undeserving  of  notice.  In  Mr.  Pickwick's 
note-book,  we  can  just  trace  an  entry  of  the  &ct,  that 
the  places  of  himself  and  followers  were  booked  by  the 
Norwich  coach;  but  this  entry  was  afterwards  lined 
through,  as  if  for  the  purpose  of  concealing  even  the  di- 
rection in  which  the  borough  is  situated.  We  wiU  not, 
therefore,  hazard  a  guess  upon  the  subject,  but  will  at 
once  proceed  with  this  history ;  content  with  the  mate- 
rials which  its  characters  have  provided  for  us. 

It  appears,  then,  that  the  Eatanswill  people,  like  the 
people  of  many  other  small  towns,  considered  Uiem*- 
selves  of  the  utmost  and  most  mighty  importance,  and 
that  every  man  in  Eatanswill,  conscious  of  the  weight 
that  attached  to  his  example,  felt  himself  bound  to  unite, 
heart  and  soul,  with  one  of  the  two  great  parties  that  di- 
vided the  town  —  the  Blues  and  the  Buffs.  Now  the 
Blues  lost  no  opportunity  of  opposing  the  Buffs,  and  the 
Bufis  lost  no  opportunity  of  opposing  the  Blues ;  and  the 
oonsequence  was,  that  whenever  the  Buffs  and  Blues 
met  together  at  public  meeting,  Town^Hall,  fair,  or  mar- 
ket, disputes  and  high  words  arose  between  them.  With 
these  dissenoons  it  is  almost  superfiuous  to  say  that 
everything  in  Eatanswill  was  made  a  party-question.  If 
(lie  Buffs  proposed  to  new  skylight  the  market-place, 
the  Blues  got  up  public  meetings,  and  denounced  the 
proceeding;  if  the  Bluee  proposed  the  erection  of  an 
additional  pump  in  the  High  Street,  the  Buffs  rose  as 
one  man  and  stood  aghast  at  the  enormity.  There  wo^e 
Blue  shops  and  Buff  shops.  Blue  inns  and  Buff  inns ;  — - 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  243 

there  was  a  Blue  aisle  and  a  Buff  aide  in  the  very 
church  itself. 

Of  course  it  was  essentiallj  and  indispensably  neces- 
sary that  each  of  these  powerful  parties  should  have  its 
chosen  oi*gan  and  representative :  and,  accordingly,  there 
were  two  new^Mq)er8  in  the  town — the  EatanswtU  Ga- 
eette  and  the  Eatanswill  Independent ;  the  former  advo- 
caiiiig  Blue  principles,  nad  the  latter  conducted  on 
grounds  decidedly  Buff.  Fine  newspapo^  th^  were. 
Such  leading  articles,  and  such  spirited  attacks !  —  *^  Our 
worthless  contemporary,  the  Gazette"  —  "That  dis- 
graceful and  da^ardly  journal,  the  Independent"  — 
**  That  false  and  scuirilous  print,  the  Independent "  — 
"  That  vile  and  slanderous  calumniator,  the  Gazette ; "  — 
these,  and  other  spirit-stirring  denunciations  were  strewn 
plentifully  over  the  columns  of  each,  in  every  number, 
and  excited  feelings  of  the  most  intense  delight  and  in- 
dignation in  the  bosoms  of  the  towns-people. 

Mr.  Pickwick,  with  his  nsual  foresight  a^d  sagacity, 
had  chosen  a  peculiarly  desirable  moment  for  a  visit  to 
the  borough.  Never  was  such  a  contest  known.  The 
Honorable  Samuel  Slumkey,  of  Slumkey  Hall,  was  the 
Blue  candidate;  and  Horatio  Fixkin,  Esq.,  of  Fizkin 
Lodge,  near  Eatanswill,  had  been  prevailed  upon  by  hn 
friends  to  stand  forward  on  the  Buff  interest.  The  Gra- 
sette  warned  the  electors  of  Eatanswill  that  the  eyes  not 
only  of  England,  but  of  the  whole  civilized  world,  were 
upon  them ;  and  the  Independent  imperatively  demmided 
to  know,  whether  the  constituency  of  Eatanswill  were 
the  grand  fellows  they  had  always  tskea  them  for,  or 
base  and  servile  tools,  undeserving  alike  of  the  name  of 
Englishmen  and  the  blessings  of  freedom.  Never  had 
such  a  commotion  agitated  the  town  before. 

TOU  I,  16 

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841  P08THUMOX7S  PAPBS8  OK 

It  waB  late  in  the  evening,  when  Mr.  Pickwick  and 
his  companions,  assisted  bj  Sam,  dismounted  from  the 
roof  of  the  Eatanswill  coach.  Large  bhie  silk  flags  were 
flying  from  the  windows  of  the  Toivn  Arms  Inn,  and 
bills  were  posted  in  every  aash,  intimating,  in  gigaxttic 
letters,  that  the  honcurabk  Samuel  Shnnkey's  committoc 
aat  tiiere  daily.  A  orowd  of  idlers  were  assembled  in 
the  road,  looking  at  a  hoarse  man  in  the  balcony,  who 
was  apparently  talking  himself  very  red  in  the  face  in 
Mr.  fihunkey's  behalf;  but  the  fi>rce  and  point  of  whose 
arguments  were  somewhat  impaired  by  the  perpetual 
beating  of  four  large  drums  which  Mr.  Fizkm's  oommitp 
tee  had  stationed  at  the  street  comer.  There  was  a  busy 
little  man  beside  him,  though,  who  took  off  Ins  hat  at  in- 
tervals and  motioned  to  the  people  to  cheer,  which  they 
regularly  did,  most  enthusiastioaily ;  and  as  the  red-fkoed 
gentlemen  went  on  talking  till  he  was  redder  in  the  &oe 
than  ever,  it  seemed  to  answer  his  purpoee  quite  as  well 
as  if  anybody  had  heard  him. 

The  Pickwickians  had  no  sooner  dismounted,  than  they 
were  surrounded  by  a  branch  mob  of  the  honest  and  in- 
dependent, who  forthwith  set  up  three  deafening  cheers, 
which  being  responded  to  by  the  main  body  (ibr  it's  not 
nt  all  necessary  for  a  orowd  to  know  what  they  are 
cheering  about)  swelled  into  a  tremendous  roar  of  tri* 
umph,  which  stopped  even  the  red-&ced  man  in  tlie 
balcony. 

^  Hurrah!"  shouted  the  mob  m  condusion. 

^  One  cheer  more,"  screamed  the  little  fugleman  m 
the  balcony,  and  out  i^outed  the  mob  again,  as  if  lungs 
were  cast-iron,  with  steel  wori&s. 

^Slumkey  foroverl"  roared  the  honest  «id  mde- 
pendenL 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  245 

"Slumkey  forever!"  echoed  Mr.  Pickwick,  taking 
off  his  hat. 

**  No  Fizkin  ! "   roared  the  crowd. 

"  Certainly  not  I  *  shouted  Mr.  Pickwick. 

^Hurrah!''  And  then  there  was  another  roaring, 
fike  that  of  a  whole  menagerie  when  the  elephant  has 
rang  the  bell  for  tihe  cokl  meat 

**  Who  is  Slumkey  ?  "  whispered  Mr.  Tnpman. 

"I  don't  know,"  replied  Mr.  Pickwick  in  the  same 
tone.  **  Hush.  Don't  ask  any  questions.  It's  always 
best  on  these  occasions  to  do  what  the  mob  do." 

^Bnt  suppose  there  are  two  mobs?"  suggested  Mr. 
Snodgrass. 

"  Shout  with  the  largest,"  ref)lied  Mr.  PickwicA. 

Volumes  could  not  have  said  more. 

They  entered  the  house,  the  crowd  opening  right  and 
left  to  let  them  pass,  and  dieering  vociferously.  The 
first  object  of  consideration  was  to  secure  quarters  for 
the  night. 

^  Can  we  have  beds  hers  ?"  inquired  Mr.  Pickwick, 
siunmoning  the  waiter. 

"Don't  know,  sir,"  replied  the  man;  "afraid  we*!^ 
full,  sir, — m  inquire,  air."  Away  he  went  for  that 
pfurpose,  and  presently  returned,  to  ask  whether  the  gen- 
tlemen were  "  Blue." 

As  neither  Mr.  Pidcwvck  nor  his  companions  took  any 
vital  interest  in  the  cause  of  either  candidate,  the  qnes- 
tioQ  was  rather  a  difficult  one  to  answer.  In  this  dilem- 
ma Mr.  Pickwick  bethought  himself  of  his  new  friend, 
Mr.  Perker. 

"  Do  you  know  a  gentleman  of  the  name  of  Perker  ?  " 
inquired  Mr.  Pickwick. 

"Certainly,  sir;  Honorable  Mr.  Samuel  Slumkey's 
agent" 

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246  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

«  He  is  Blue,  I  think?" 

"Oh  yes,  sir." 

"  Then  toe  are  Blue,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick ;  but  obsenr 
uig  that  the  man  looked  rather  doubtful  at  this  accommo^ 
dating  announcement,  he  gave  him  his  card,  and  desired 
him  to  present  it  to  Mr.  Perker  forthwith,  if  he  should 
happen  to  be  in  the  house.  The  waiter  retired ;  and 
reappearing  almost  immediately  with  a  request  that  Mr. 
Pickwick  would  follow  him,  led  the  way  to  a  large  room 
on  the  first  floor,  where,  seated  at  a  long  table  covered 
with  books  and  papers,  was  Mr.  Perker. 

*^  Ah  —  ah,  my  dear  sir,"  said  the  little  man,  advanc- 
ing to  meet  him;  **very  happy  to  see  you,  my  dear  sir, 
very.  Pray  sit  down.  So  you  have  carried  your  inten- 
tion into  effect  You  have  come  down  here  to  see  an 
election — eh?" 

Mr.  Pickwick  replied  in  the  affirmative. 
.  "  Spirited  contest,  my  dear  sir,"  said  the  little  man. 

"I  am  delighted  to  hear  it,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick,  rub- 
bing his  hands.  *^  I  like  to  see  sturdy  patriotism,  on 
whatever  side  it  is  called  forth ;  —  and  so  it's  a  spirited 
contest?" 

"  Oh  yes,"  said  the  little  man,  "  very  much  so  indeed. 
We  have  opened  all  the  puUic-houses  in  the  place,  and 
left  our  adversary  nothing  but  the  beer*  shops  —  nim»- 
terly  stroke  of  policy  that,  my  dear  sir,  di  ?  "  —  and  the 
little  man  smiled  complacently,  and  took  a  large  pinch 
of  snuff. 

"  And  what  are  the  probabilities  as  to  the  result  of  the 
contest?"  inquired  Mr.  Pickwick. 

"  Why  doubtful,  my  dear  sir ;  rather  doubtful  as  yet," 
replied  the  little  man.  "  Fizkin's  people  have  got  three* 
and-thirty  voters  in  the  lock-up  coach-house  at  the  White 
Hart." 


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TH£  PICKWICK  CLUB.  347 

^  In  the  ooadi^Kmse !  ^  said  Mr.  Pidnriek,  considera- 
bly astonished  bj  this  second  stroke  of  policy. 

^  They  keep  'em  locked  up  there,  till  they  want  'em,^ 
resumed  the  little  man.  ^  The  effect  of  that  is,  you  see, 
fo  prevent  our  getting  at  them ;  and  even  if  we  could,  it 
m>uld  be  of  no  use,  for  they  keep  them  very  drunk  on 
^ri>ose.  Smart  fellow  Fizkin's  agent  —  very  smart  fel- 
low indeed." 

Mr.  Pickwick  stared,  but  said  nothing. 
^  We  are  pretty  confident,  though,"  said  Mr.  Perker, 
sinking  his  voice  almost  to  a  whisper.  *^  We  had  a  little 
tea-party  here,  last  night  —  five-and-forty  women,  my 
dear  sir  —  and  gave  every  one  of  'em  a  green  parasol 
when  she  went  away." 

"  A  parasol ! "  said  Mr.  Pickwick. 
*^  Fact,  my  dear  sir,  fact  Five-and-lbrty  green  para- 
sols, at  seven  and  sixpence  apieee«  All  women  like 
finery,  —  extraordinary  the  effect  of  those  parasols.  Se- 
cured all  their  husbands,  and  half  their  brothers  —  beats 
stockings,  and  fiannel,  and  all  that  sort  of  thing,  hollow. 
My  idea,  my  dear  sir,  entirely.  Hail,  rain,  or  sunshine, 
yon  can't  walk  half  a  dozen  yards  up  the  street  without 
encountering  half  a  dozen  ^peen  parasols." 

Here  the  little  man  indulged  in  a  convulsion  of  mirth, 
fihich  was  only  checked  by  the  entrance  of  a  third 
party. 

This  was  a  tall,  thin  man,  with  a  sandy-colored  bead 
in  Jined  to  baldness,  and  a  &ce  in  which  solemn  impor- 
tance was  blended  with  a  look  of  un&thomable  profundity. 
He  was  dressed  in  a  long  brown  surtout,  with  a  black 
cloth  wtustcoat,  and  drab  trousers.  A  double  eye-glass 
jangled  at  his  waistcoat:  and  on  his  head  he  wore  a 
very  low-erowned  hat  with  abroad- t»nm.     The  new- 


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248  POSTHUMOUS  PUPB&S  OF 

eomer  was  introdiieed.  to  Mr.  Pickwick  m  Mr.  Pott,  the 
editor  of  the  Eatansinll  Gftsette.  After  a  few  prelim- 
inary  reaiarkfi,  Mr.  Pott  turned  round  to  Mr.  Pickwick, 
and  said  with  solemnity  — 

^  This  contest  excites  great  interest  in  the  metiop 
olis,  sir  ?  " 

^  I  believe  it  does,''  said  Mr.  Pickwick. 

^  To  which  I  have  reason  to  know,**  said  Pott,  looking 
towards  Mr.  Perker  for  oorDoibonUian,  —  ^to  which  I 
hare  reason  to  know  my  article  of  last  Saturday  ia  some 
degree  contributed." 

"  Not  the  least  doubt  of  that,"  said  the  little  man. 

"  The  press  is  a  mighty  engine,  sir,"  said  Pott 

Mr.  Pickwick  yielded  his  idlest  assent  to  the  prop- 
osition. 

''But  I  trust,  sir,"  said  Pott,  ''that  I  ham  never 
abused  the  enormous  pow«r  I  wield.  I  trast,  sir,  that 
I  have  never  pdnted  the  noble  instrument  which  iB 
placed  in  my  hands,  against  the  sacred  bosom  of  private 
life,  or  the  tender  bieast  of  individual  r^utadon; — I 
trust,  sir,  that  I  have  devoted  my  energies  to —  to  en- 
deavors—  humble  they  may  be,  humble  I  know  they 
are  —  to  instil  those  principles  of —  which  are  —  " 

Here  the  editor  of  the  Eatanswill  Gazette,  appeal^- 
ing  to  ramble,  Mr.  Pickwick  came  to  his  relief  and 
said  — 

"  Certainly." 

"  And  what,  sir" — said  Pott — ^  what,  sir,  let  me  ask 
you  as  an  impartial  man,  is  the  state  of  the  public  mind 
in  London  with  reference  to  my  contest  with  the  Inde- 
pendent ?  " 

"  Greatly  excited,  no  doubt^"  inteiposed  Mr.  Perker, 
with  a  look  of  slyness  which  was  very  likely  accidental. 


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THB  PICKWICK  CLUB.  219 

^  The  content,''  said  Pbtt,  ^  shall  be  pi^longed  so  long 
as  I  have  health  and  strength,  and  that  portion  of  talent 
with  which  I  am  gifted.  From  that  eontest,  sir,  although 
it  may  nnsettle  men's  minds  and  exoHe  their  feelings, 
and  render  them  incaiMii>le  for  the  disdiai^  of  the 
evory-day  duties  of  ordinary  lil^;  from  that  contest 
m'j  I  win  never  shrink  till  I  hav^  set  my  heel  upon  the 
£atRnawiti  Independent.  I  wish  the  people  of  London, 
and  the  people  of  this  country  to  know,  sir,  tiiat  they 
may  rely  upon  me?  —  that  I  will  not  desert  them,  that 
I  am  resolved  to  stand  by  tliem,  sir,  to  the  last" 

^Tour  conduct  is  most  noble,  sir,"  said  Mr.  Pick* 
widk;  and  he  grasped  the  hand  of  the  magnanimous 
Fott 

*<  Tou  are,  sir,  I  peroeive,  a  man  of  sense  and  talent," 
said  Mr.  Pott,  almost  breathless  with  tiie  v^iemence  of 
his  patriotic  declaration.  ^I  am  most  hi^y,  sir,  to 
make  the  acquaintance  of  such  a  man." 

"^  And  I,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick,  <<  feel  deeply  honored 
by  this  expression  of  your  opinion.  Allow  me,  sir, 
to  introduce*  to  you  my  fellow-travellers,  the  other  cor» 
responding  members  of  the  dub  I  am  proud  to  have 
founded^" 

<<I shaU  be  delimited,''  said  Mr.  Pott 

Mr.  Pickwick  witiidrew,  and  fetoming  with  his  fHetida, 
presented  them  in  due  form  to  the  editor  of  the  Eatan- 
iwiU  Gazette. 

<<Now  my  dear  Pott,"  said  Mttle  Mr.  Perker,  <<the 
question  is,  what  are  we  to  do  with  our  friends  here?'' 

^We  can  stop  in  this  house,  I  suppose,"  said  Mr. 
Pickwick. 

**  Not  a  spare  bed  in  the  hoose,  my  dear  sir — not  a 
single  bed." 


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250  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

**  Extremely  awkward,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick. 

"  Very ; "  said  his  fellow-voyagers- 

^  I  have  an  idea  upon  this  subject,"  said  Mr.  Pott, 
^  which  I  think  may  be  very  successfully  adopted.  They 
have  two  beds  at  the  Peacock,  and  I  can  boldly  say,  on 
behalf  of  Mrs.  Pott,  that  she  will  be  delighted  to  accom* 
odate  Mr.  Pickwick  and  any  of  hk  friends,  if  the  other 
two  gentl^nen  and  their  servant  do  not  object  to  shifting, 
ttf  they  best  can,  at  the  Peacock." 

Af^er  repeated  pressings  on  the  part  of  Mr.  Pott,  and 
repeated  protestations  on  that  of  Mr.  Pickwick  that  he 
could  not  think  of  incommoding  or  trouUing  his  amiable 
wife,  it  was  decided  that  this  was  the  only  feasible  ar- 
rangement that  could  be  made.  So  it  wa9  made ;  and 
after  dining  together  at  the  Town  Arms,  the  friends 
separated,  Mr.  Tupraan  and  Mr.  Snodgrass  repairing  to 
the  Peacock,  and  Mr.  Pickwick  and  Mr.  Winkle  pro- 
ceeding to  the  mansion  of  Mr.  Pott ;  it  ^having  been 
previously  arranged  that  they  should  all  reassemble  at 
the  Town  Arms  in  the  morning,  and  accompany  the 
Honorable  Samuel  Slumkey's  procession  to  the  place  of 
nomination. 

Mr.  Potf  s  domestic  circle  was  limited  to  himself  and 
his  wife.  All  men  whom  mighty  genius  has  raised  to  a 
proud  oninence  in  the  woiid,  have  usually  sonie  little 
weakness  which  iq;>pear8  the  more  oon^cnous  f^m  the 
contrast  it  presents  to  their  general  character.  If  Mr. 
Pott  had  a  weakness,  it  was,  perhaps,  that  he  was  nMiher 
too  submissive  to  the  somewhat  contemptuous  contrd  and 
sway  of  his  wife.  We  do  not  feel  justified  in  laying  any 
particular  stress  upon  the  fact,  because  on  the  present 
occasion  all  Mrs.  Pott's  most  winning  ways  were  brought 
into  requisition  to  receive  the  two  gentlemen. 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  251 

"My  dear,"  said  Mr.  Pott,  « Mr.  Pickwick  — Mr. 
Pickwick  of  London." 

Mrs.  Pott  received  Mr.  Pidnrick's  paternal  grasp  of 
the  hand  with  enchanting  sweetness :  and  Mr.  Winkle, 
who  had  not  been  announced  at  all,  slided  and  bowed, 
unnoticed,  in  an  obscure  corner. 

« P.  ray  dear"—  said  Mrs.  Pott 

«  My  life,"  said  Mr.  Pott 

"  Pray  introduce  the  oti^r  gentleman.** 

*'  I  beg  a  thousand  pardons,"  said  Mr.  Pott  "  Permit 
me,  Mrs.  Pott,  Mr. "  — 

"  Winkle,"  said  Mr.  Pickwic*. 

"  Winkle,"  echoed  Mr.  Pott,  and  the  ceremony  of  in- 
troduction was  complete. 

"  We  owe  you  many  apologies,  ma'am,"  said  Mr.  Pick- 
wick, "  for  disturbing  your  domestic  arrangements  at  so 
short  a  nodce." 

"  I  beg  you  won't  mention  it,  sir,"  replied  the  feminine 
Pott,  with  vivacity.  ^  It  is  a  high  treat  to  me,  I  assure 
you,  to  see  any  new  faces ;  living  as  I  do,  fVom  day  to 
day,  and  week  to  week,  in  this  dull  place,  and  seeing 
wiody." 

"  Nobody,  my  dear  I "  exclaimed  Mr.  Pott,  archly. 

"  Nobody  but  ytm,"  retorted  Mpb.  Pott,  with  asperity. 

^  You  see,  Mr.  Pickwick,"  said  the  host  in  exphmation 
of  his  wifei's  lament,  ^  that  we  are  in  some  measure  cut  off 
from  many  eigoyments  and  pleasures  of  which  we  might 
otherwise  partake.  My  public  station,  as  editor  of  the 
Eatanswill  Grazette,  the  position  which  that  paper  holds 
in  the  conntry,  my  constant  immersion  in  the  vortex  of 
politics"—- 

"  P.  my  dear" — interposed  Mrs.  Pott 

''My  Hfe"  —  said  the  editbr. 


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252  POSTHUMOUS  PAFEB8  OF 

^I  wifih,  mj  dear,  70a  woald  endearor  to  imd'^eomo 
topic  of  oonversation  in  which  these  gentlemen  raigfal 
take  some  rational  intetesf 

^  Bat  mj  bve,**  said  Mr.  Pott»  whh  gveat  honllilj, 
^  Mr.  Pickwiek  does  take  an  inlereat  in  it"* 

**  If  8  well  for  him  if  he  cais''  eaid  Mrs.  Pott,  empfaali'' 
cally ;  ^  I  am  wearied  oat  of  my  life  with  your  politics, 
and  quarrels  with  the  Independent,  and  nonsense.  I  am 
qnite  astonished  P.  at  jonr  aaking  aodi  an  eiMlndon 
•f  your  absnrdlty." 

**  But  my  dear  "  —  said  Mr.  Pott. 

''Oh,  nonsense,  don't  talk  to  me;**  said  Mrs.  Pott. 
"  Do  you  play  ecatrti,  air?  ** 

^  1  shall  be  very  happy  to  learn,  under  your  tuition,'* 
replied  Mr.  Winkle. 

''  Well,  then,  draw  that  little  table  into  this  window, 
and  let  me  get  out  of  hearing  of  those  prosy  polidcs." 

**  Jane,"  said  Mr.  Pott,  to  the  servant  who  brought  in 
candles,  "  go  down  into  the  office,  and  bring  me  up  the 
file  of  the  GraaetHe  £ot  Eighteen  Hundred  and  Twenty 
Eight  m  just  read  you  "  —  added  the  editor,  turning 
to  Mr.  Pickwick,  *^  Fll  just  read  you  a  few  of  the  lead- 
ers I  wrote  at  that  dme,  upon  the  Buff  job  of  appointing 
a  new  tollman  to  the  tuntpike  here ;  I  rather  think  they'll 
amuse  you." 

''I  should  like  to  hear  them  very  much,  indeed,"  said 
Mr.  Pickwick. 

Up  came  the  file,  and  di^wn  sat  the  editor,  with  Mr. 
Pickwick  at  his  side. 

We  have  in  vain  pored  over  the  leaves  of  Mr.  Pick- 
wick's note-book,  in  the  hope  of  meeting  with  a  general 
summary  of  these  beauti^l  compositions.  We  have 
every  reason  to  believe  that  he  was  peileetiy  ensaptnred 


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THE  PICKWIOK  CLUB.  258 

with  the  yigor  and  freehneBs  of  the  style ;  indeed  Mr. 
Winkle  has  reooried  the  &€t  that  his  eyes  were  desed, 
as  if  widi  excess  of  pleasure,  during  the  whole  time  of 
their  pemsaL 

The  aDnoaooaHkeitt  of  maijpfer  p«t  a  sto|>  both  ta  the 
game  at  eearti,  and  the  recapitoktion  of  the  beauties  of 
the  Eatanswill  Gaaette.  Mrs.  Pott  was  in  die  highest 
spirits  and  the  most  agreeable  humor.  Mr.  Winklo  had 
aheadj  made  considerate  progress  in  her  good  opinion, 
and  she  did  not  hesitate  to  inform  him,  conBdentinllj, 
that  Mr.  Pickwiok  was  "^  a  delightful  old  dear."  These 
terms  convey  a  ikmiUarity  of  expression,  in  which  few 
of  those  who  were  intimatelj  aegnaioted  with  that  colos- 
sal-minded man,  would  have  presumed  to  indulge.  We 
have  preserved  dietn,  neverthelessy  as  affording  at  once 
a  touching  and  a  ODBvinciiig  pfoof  of  the  estimation  in 
which  he  was  heU  by  every  oiass  of  society,  and  the 
ease  with  which  he  ttade  his  way  to  their  hearts  and 
feelings. 

It  was  a  late  hour  of  Hhe  night — long  after  Mr.  Tup- 
man  and  Mr.  Snodgrass  had  fidlen  asleep  in  the  insaost 
recesses  of  the  Peacoek  —  when  the  two  6riends  retired 
to  rest  Slumber  soon  fell  upon  the  senses  of  Mr.  Win- 
kle, but  his  feelings  had  been  excited,  and  his  admiration 
roused ;  and  for  many  hours  after  sleep  had  rendered  him 
mstti»ble  to  earthly  ok^ects,  the  face  and  figure  of  the 
agreeable  Mrs.  Pott  preseated  themselves  again  and 
again  to  Us  wandering  imaginationi 

The  noise  and  bustle  which  ushered  in  the  morning) 
were  sufficient  to  dispel  from  the  mind  of  the  most  ro- 
mantic visionary  in  existence^  any  associations  but  those 
whidi  were  xmtaediately  connected  with  the  oapklly 
^yproadiing  eltctioik    llie  beating  of  drams,  the  blpw- 


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254  POSTHU1IO08  PAPERS  OF 

ing  of  honifl  and  trumpets,  the  shouting  of  men,  and 
tramping  of  horses,  echoed  and  reechoed  through  the 
streets  from  the  earliest  dawn  of  day ;  and  an  occasional 
fight  between  the  light  skirmishers  of  either  party,  at 
once  enlivened  the  preparations,  and  agreeably  diversified 
their  character. 

"Well  Sam,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick,  as  his  valet  appeared 
at  his  bedroom  door,  just  as  he  was  concluding  his  toi- 
let ;  "  all  alive  to-day,  I  suppose  ?  " 

"  Regular  game,  sir,**  replied  Mr.  Weller ;  "  our  peo- 
ple's a  col-lecting  down  at  the  Town  Arms,  and  they're 
a  hollenng  themselves  hoarse  already.'* 

"Ah,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick,  "do  they  seem  devoted  to 
their  party,  Sam  ?  " 

"  Never  see  such  dewotion  in  my  life,  sir." 

"  Energetic,  eh  ?"  said  Mr.  Pickwick. 

"  Uncommon,"  replied  Sam ;  "  I  never  see  men  eat 
and  drink  so  much  afore.  I  wonder  they  a'n't  afeer'd  o' 
bu'stm'." 

"That's  the  mistaken  kindness  of  the  gentry  here," 
said  Mr.  Pickwick. 

"  Wery  likely,"  replied  Sam,  briefly. 

"  Fine,  fresh,  hearty  fellows  they  seem,"  said  Mr.  Pick- 
wick, glancing  from  the  window. 

"  Wery  fresh,"  replied  Sam  5  <*  me,  and  the  two  wait- 
ers at  the  Peacock,  has  been  a  pumpin'  over  the  inde- 
pendent woters  as  supped  there  last  night" 

"  Pumping  over  independent  voters  I  "  excliumed  Mr. 
Pickwick. 

"  Yes,"  said  his  attendant,  "  every  man  slept  vere  he 
fell  down ;  we  dragged  'em  out,  one  by  one,  tliis  momin* 
and  put  'em  under  the  pump,  and  they're  in  reg'lar  fine 
order,  nocw^  ShUlin'  a  head  the  committee  paid  Jportiflii 
•ere  job." 

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THB  P1CKWI0K  CLOU, 
<<CaB8iiohtiiliigBbel'*6xdaiiii6d  tilM  aatonididd  Mr. 

**  Lord  bless  your  hearty  sir/**  said  Sam,  ^  why  wher^ 
was  yoa  half  bq>lizad  ? --  tbaf  s  aothin',  thad  aVt" 

<< Nothing?"  said  Mn  Fidcwielu 

^Nothin'  at  all,  sir,"  replied  his  attettdaot  ^Thb 
night  aibre  the  last  day  o*  the  last  eleotkm  here,  ike  op- 
posite party  bribed  the  bar^maid  at  the  Town  Arms,  to 
hocus  the  brandy  and  water  of  fourteen  impelled  elee* 
lovs  as  was  a  stoppin'  in  the  house." 

^  What  do  you  mean  by  *  hocossing'  brandy  and  w»> 
tar?"  inquired  Mr.  Pickwick. 

"^Puttin'  laud'iHim  in  it,"  replied  Sam.  <<  Blessed  if 
she  didn't  send  'em  ail  to  sleep  till  twelve  hours  arter  the 
election  was  over.  Tk&j  took  one  maoEi  «p  to  the  booth, 
in  a  track,  &st  asleep,  by  way  of  experiment,  but  it  was 
no  go — they  wouldn't  poll  hha;  so  they  broug^  him 
back,  and  put  him  to  bed  agaim" 

**  Strange  practices,  these,"  said  Mr.  Pi«^wiek  $  half 
speaking  to  hims^  and  half  addressing  Sam. 

^  Not  half  so  Btrai^  as  a  miracnlous  droBmstance  as 
happened  to  my  own  £iUher,  at  an  election4ime,  in  this 
worry  jdaoe,  sir,"  repHed  Sam. 

^  What  was  that  ?  "  inquired  Mr.  Pickwidc. 

^  Why  he  drove  a  ooadi  down  here  once,"  said  Sam; 
^'Lection  time  came  on,  and  he  was  engaged  by  nta 
par^  to  bring  down  wolers  from  London.  Night  afore 
he  was  a  going  to  drive  up,  eommittee  on  tfother  side 
sends  for  him  quietly,  and  away  he  goes  vith  the  umb- 
ionger,  who  shows  him*  in; — large  room— -lots  of 
genTm'n —  heaps  of  papers,  pens  and  ink,  and  all  that 
^ere.  ^Ah,  Mr.  Weller,'  says  the*  gen'l'm'n  m  the  chair, 
'  glad  la  aee  you»  sir ;  how  are  you  ? '  — '  Wery  welli 


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256  POSTHUMOUS  PAPEBS  OF 

thank'ee  biiv'  says  my  &ther;  ^I  ho]^  ifo%ire  pretty 
middlinV  says  he.  —  *  Pretty  well,  thank'ee,  sir/  says  the 
fgen'l'm'n ;  *  sit  down,  Mr.  Weller  —  pray  sit  down,  sir.' 
So  my  father  sits  down,  and  he  an'  the  genl'm'n  looks 
weij  hard  at  each  other.  ^  Tou  don't  i*emember  me  ?  * 
says  the  genTm'n.  —  'Can't  say  I  do,  says  my  father. 
—  *Oh>  I  know  you,'  says  the  genTm^n ;  *  know'd  you 
wen  you  was  a  hoy,'  says  he. — '  WeU,  I  don't  remember 
you,'  says  my  lather. -**'Thait's  wery  odd,'  says  t|^ 
gen'l'm'n.  —  *  Wery,'  says  my  fiuher.— "'You  most 
J^ve  a  bad  mem'ryMr.  Weller/  says  the  gen'l'm'o.  — • 
*  Well,  it  is  a  wery  bad  'uh,*  says  my  fkther. —  *  I  thought 
so,'  says  the  gen'l'm'n.  So  then  they  pours  him  out  a 
glass  of  wine^  and  gammons  him  about  hLi  driving,  aud 
gets  him  into  a  reglar  good  humor,  and  at  last  shoves  a 
twenty  pound  note  in  hie  hand.  '  It's  a  wery  bad  road 
between  this  and  Xondon,'  sajps  the  gen'l'm'n.  — '  Here 
and  there  it  u  a  heavy  road,'  says  my  father.  — '  'Spedal- 
ly  near  the  canal,  I  think,'  says  the  gen'l'm'a.  — • '  Nasty 
bit,  that  'ere,'  says  my  feOier.— 'Well,  Mr.  Weller,' 
says  the  gen'l'm'n,  <  you're  a  weiy  good  whip,  and  can 
4o  what  you  like  with  your  horses,  we  know.  We're  aQ 
wery  fond  o'  you,  Mr.  Weller,  so  in  case  you  should  have 
an  accident  when  you're  a*bringing  these  here  woters 
down,  and  should  tip  'em  over  into  the  canal  without 
burtin'  of  'em,  this  is  for  yourself'  says  he.  —  'Gren'l'm*n, 
you*re  wery  kind,'  says  my  father,  and  '  I'll  drink  your 
hoolth  in  another  glass  of  wine,'  says  he;  wich  he  did, 
and  then  buttons  up  the  money,  and  bows  himself  out. 
You  wouldn't  believe,  sir,"  continued  Sam,  with  a  look 
of  inexpressible  impudence  at  his  master,  ^  that  on  the 
wery  day  as  he  came  down  with  them  woters,  his  coach 
was  upset  on  that  'ere  wery  spot,  and  ev'ry  mmt  on  'em 
was  turned  into  the  canaL" 

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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  257 

^  And  got  ont  again?**  inquired  Mr,  Pickwick,  hasdly. 

'^Whjy"  replied  Sam,  very  slowly,  "I  rather  think 
one  old  genTm'n  was  missin* ;  I  know  his  hat  was  found, 
but  I  a'n*t  quite  certain  whether  his  head  was  in  it  or 
not.  But  what  I  look  at,  is  the  hex-traordinary,  and 
wonderfbl  coincidence,  that  arter  what  that  gedTrn'o 
said,  my  father's  coach  should  be  upset  in  that  weij 
place,  and  on  tliat  wery  day !  ** 

"  It  is  no  doubt  a  very  extraordinary  drcumstance  in- 
deed," said  Mr.  Pickwick.  ^  But  brush  my  hat,  Sam, 
for  I  hear  Mi*.  Winkle  calling  me  to  breakfast.** 

With  these  words  Mr.  Pickwick  descended  to  the  par- 
lor, where  ho  found  breakfast  laid,  and  the  family  al« 
ready  assembled.  The  meal  was  hastily  despatched; 
each  of  the  gentlemen's  hats  was  decorated  with  an  enor- 
mous blue  favor,  made  up  by  the  fair  hands  of  Mrs.  Pott 
herself;  and  as  Mr.  Winkle  had  undertaken  to  escort 
that  lady  to  a  house-top,  in  the  immediate  vicinity  of  the 
hustings,  Mr.  Pickwick  and  Mr.  Pott  repaired  alone  to 
the  Town  Arms,  from  the  back  window  of  which,  one  of 
Mr.  S1umkey*8  committee  was  addressing  six  small  boys, 
and  one  girl,  whom  he  dignified,  at  every  second  sen- 
tence, with  the  imposing  title  of  ^'  men  of  Eatafiswill,'* 
whereat  tho  six  small  boys  aforesaid  cheered  prodigiously. 

The  stable-yard  exhibited  unequivocal  symptoms  of 
Uie  glory  and  strength  of  the  EatanswiU  Blues.  There 
was  a  regular  army  of  bhie  flags,  some  with  one  handle, 
and  some  with  two,  exhibiting  appropriate  devices,  in 
golden  characters  four  feet  high,  and  9tout  in  proportion. 
There  was  a  grand  band  of  trumpets,  bassoons  and 
drums,  marshalled  four  abreast,  and  earning  their  mon- 
ey, if  ever  men  did,  especially  the  drum-beaters,  who 
Wtte  very  mtiscular.    There  were  bodies  of  constables 


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25a  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

With  blue  atSkYea,  tweotj  conumttee-inen  with  blue  seaifs, 
fOid  a  mob  of  voters  with  blue  Go<iade8.  There  were 
electors  oa  horseback^  aacl  electors  afoot  There  was  an 
Gftea  dirrii^  and  four,  for  the  honorable  Samuel  Slum- 
key ;  and  there  were  firar  carriages  and  pair,  for  his 
friends  and  sr^porters :  and  the  fli^  were  rustling  and 
the  haiid  was  phijing,  and  the  constables  were  swearii^ 
and  the  twenty  committee-mem  were  squabbling^  and 
the  mob  were  shouting,  and  the  horses  were  backing, 
and  the  post-boys  peivpiring;  and  everybody,  and 
everything,  then  and  there  assembled,  was  for  the  spe- 
cial use,  behoof  honoiv  and  renown,  of  the  honorable 
Samuel  Slumkey,  of  Slumkey  Hall,  one  of  the  candi- 
dates for  the  representation  of  the  Borough  of  Eaton- 
swill,  in  the  Commons  House  ef  Parliament  of  the 
United  Kingdom. 

Loud  and  long  were  the  cheexe^  and  mighty  was  the 
rustling  of  one  of  the  blue  flags,  with  ^  Lib^y  of  the 
Press  "  inscribed  thereon,  when  the  sandy  head  of  Mr. 
Pott  was  discerned  in  one  of  the  windows,  by  the  mob 
beneath ;  and  tremendous  was  the  enthusiasm  when  the 
honorable  Samuel  Slumkey  himself,  in  top-boots,  and  a 
blue  neckerchief,  advanced  and  seized  the  hand  of  the 
said  Pott,  and  mek>dmmatical1y  testified  by  gestures  to 
the  crowd,  his  ine&oeable  obligations  to  the  EatanswiU 
Gkizette. 

^Is  eveiything  ready ?** said  the  honorable  Samuel 
Slumkey  to  Mr.  Perker. 

^  Everything^  my  dear  sir,''  was  the  little  man's  re- 

^  Nothing  has  been  omitted,  I  hope  ?  "  said  the  honor* 
aUe  Samuel  Slumkey. 
M  Nothing  has  been  left  undone,  my  dear  sir  -—  noth- 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  259 

iag  whatever.  There  are  Iwenlj  washed  men  at  the 
atreet-door  for  jou  to  shake  haods  with ;  aod  six  chil* 
dren  in  arms  that  jom're  to  pat  on  the  head^  and  inquire 
the  age  of;  be  particakr  about  the  children)  ukj  dear 
sir,  —  it  hag  always  a  great  effect^  that  sort  of  thing." 

Til  take  care,**  said  the  honorable  Samuel  Slum* 
key. 

<'  Andf  pexbape,  nay  dear  sir  **  -^  said  the  cautioua  lit* 
tie  man,  "  perhaps  if  you  cotdd — I  don't  mean  to  say  ifa 
indispensable —  but  if  you  could  manage  to  kiss  one  of 
'em,  it  would  produce  a  very  great  impression  on  the 
crowd.** 

"  Wouldn't  it  have  as  good  an  effect  if  the  proposer  or 
seconder  did  that?** said  the  hoiiorable  Samuel  Slum- 
key. 

"  Why,  I  am  afraid  it  wouldn't,"  replied  the  agent ; 
^if  it  were  done  by  yourself,  my  dear  air,  I  think  it 
would  make  you  vety  popular." 

'^Yery  well,"  said  the  honorable  Samud  Slumkey, 
with  a  resigned  air,  ^  then  it  must  be  done.    That's  all." 

'*  Anrange  the  prooessiont"  cried  the  twenty  c(Hnmit- 
tee-men. 

Amidst  the  cheers  of  the  assembled  throng,  the  band, 
and  the  constables,  and  the  committee-men,  and  the  vo- 
ters, and  the  horsemen,  and  the  carriages,  took  their 
places  —  each  of  the  two-horse  vehicles  being  closely 
[ladLed  with  as  many  gentlemen  as  oould  manage  to 
stand  upright  in  it ;  and  that  assigned  to  Mr.  Peiker^ 
containing  Mr.  Pickwick,  Mr.  Tupman,  Mr.  Snodgrass, 
and  about  half  a  dozen  of  the  committee  beside. . 

There  was  a  moment  of  awful  suspense  as  the  proces- 
sion waited  for  the  honorable  Samuel  Slumkey  to  step 
into  his  carriage.  Suddenly  the  crowd  set  up  a  great 
cheering. 

VOL.  1.  IT 

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260  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

**  He  has  come  out,"  said  little  Mr.  Perker,  greatly 
excited ;  the  more  so  as  their  position  did  not  enable 
them  to  see  what  was  going  forward. 

Another  cheer,  mnch  louder. 

^  He  has  shaken  hands  with  the  men,**  cried  the  littk' 
agent 

Another  cheer,  &r  more  vehement 

^  He  has  patted  the  babies  on  the  head,"  said  Mr.  Per» 
kur,  trembling  with  anxiety. 

A  roar  of  applause  that  rent  the  air. 

'^  He  has  kissed  one  of 'em  I"  exclaimed  the  delighted 
little  man. 

A  second  roar. 

"  He  has  kissed  another,"  gasped  the  excited  mana- 
ger. 

A  third  roar. 

^  He's  kissing  'em  all ! "  screamed  the  enthusiastic  lit- 
tle gentleman.  And,  hailed  by  the  deafening  shouts  of 
the  multitude,  the  procession  moved  on. 

How  or  by  what  means  it  became  mixed  up  with  the 
otiber  procession,  and  how  it  was  ever  extricated  from  the 
confusion  consequent  thereupon,  is  more  than  we  can 
undertake  to  describe,  inasmuch  as  Mr.  Pickwick's  hat 
was  knocked  over  his  eyes,  nose,  and  mouUi,  by  one 
poke  of  a  Buff  flagnstaff,  very  early  in  the  proceedings* 
He  describes  himself  as  being  surrounded  on  every  sidu, 
when  he  could  catch  a  glimpse  of  the  soene,  by  angry 
and  ferocious  countenances,  by  a  vast  cloud  of  dust,  and 
by  a  dense  crowd  of  combatants.  He  represents  him- 
self as  being  forced  firom  the  carriage  by  some  unseen 
power,  and  being  personally  engaged  in  a  pugilistic  en- 
counter ;  but  with  whom,  or  how,  or  why,  he  is  wholly 
nnable  to  state.     He  then  felt  himself  forced  up  some 


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THE  PiCKWIGK  CLUB.  «6J 

wooden  steps  by  the  peraons  from  behind :  and  on  re- 
moving his  hat,  found  himself  surrounded  by  his  friends, 
in  the  very  front  of  the  left-hand  side  of  the  hustings. 
The  right  was  reserved  for  the  Buff  party,  and  the  cen- 
tre for  the  mayor  and  his  officers ;  one  of  whom  —  the 
fat  crier  of  EatanswiU  —  was  ringing  an  enormous  bell, 
by  way  of  commanding  silence,  while  Mr.  Horatio  Fis- 
kiu,  and  the  honorable  Samuel  Slumkey,  with  their 
hands  upon  their  hearts,  were  bowing  with  the  utmost  af- 
fability to  the  troubled  sea  of  heads  that  inundated  the 
open  space  in  front ;  and  from  whence  arose  a  storm  of 
groans,  and  shoats,  and  yells,  and  hootings,  that  would 
have  done  honor  to  an  earthquake. 

"There's  Wmkle,"  said  Mr.  Tupman,  pullmg  his 
friend  by  the  sleeve. 

"  Where  ?  "  said  Mr.  Pickwick,  putting  on  his  specta- 
cles, which  he  had  fortunately  kept  in  his  pocket  hith- 
erto* 

"^ There,"  said  Mr.  Tupman,  "on  the  top  of  that 
house."  And  there>  sure  enou^,  in  the  leaden  gutter 
of  a  tiled  roc^  were  Mr.  Winkle  and  Mrs.  Pott,  comfort- 
ably seated  in  a  couple  of  chairs,  waving  their  handker- 
chiefs in  token  of  recognition  —  a  compliment  which  Mr. 
Pickwick  returned  by  kissing  his  hand  to  the  lady. 

The  proceedings  had  not  yet  commenced ;  and  as  an 
inactive  crowd  is  generally  disposed  to  be  jocose,  this 
very  innocent  action  was  sufficient  to  awaken  their  face- 
iioiiwess. 

"  Oh  you  wicked  old  rascal,"  cried  one  voice,  "  looking 
artw  the  girls,  are  you  ?" 

**  Oh  you  wenen^le  sinner,"  cried  another. 

**  Putting  on  his  spectacles  to  look  at  a  married  'oo- 
mau  I "  said  a  third. 


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{G2  POSTHUMOUB  PAPERS  OF 

^  I  see  him  a  winkm'  at  her,  with  his  wicked  old  ej^ 
shonted  a  fourth. 

"Look  wrter  your  wife,  Pott,"  bellowed  a  fifth;  —  and 
then  there  was  a  roar  of  laughter. 

As  these  taunts  were  accompanied  with  invidious  com 
parisons  between  Mr.  Pickwid^  and  an  aged  ram,  and 
several  witticisms  of  the  like  nature ;  and  as  Hiey  m(»re- 
over  rather  tended  to  convej  reflections  upon  the  houOT 
of  an  innocent  lady,  Mr.  Pickwick's  indignation  was  ex- 
cessive ;  but  as  silenoe  was  proclaimed  at  the  momait, 
he  contented  hims^  by  scorching  the  mob  wi&  a  look 
of  pity  for  their  misguided  minds^  at  which  they  lauded 
more  boisterously  than  ever. 

"  Silence  I  "*  roared  the  mayor^s  attendants. 

"  Whiffin,  proclaim  silence,"  said  the  mayor,  wtdi  an 
air  of  pomp  befitting  his  lol^y  station.  In  obedience  to 
this  command  the  crier  performed  another  concerto  on 
the  bell,  whereupon  a  gentleman  in  the  crowd  called  oat 
**  muffins ;  **  which  occasioned  another  langh. 

"  Gentlemen,"  said  the  mayor,  at  as  loud  a  pitch  as 
he  could  possibly  force  his  veiee  to,  —  ^  €rentlemen. 
Brother  electors  of  the  Borou^  of  EalanswilL  We 
are  met  here  to-day,for  the  purpose  of  chooong  a  repre- 
sentative in  the  room  of  our  kte^'  — 

Here  the  mayor  was  interrupted  by  a  vmce  in  tho 
crowd. 

**  SucKsess  to  the  mayor  1 "  cried  the  voice,  "and  may 
he  never  desert  the  nail  and  sarspan  business,  as  he  got 
his  money  by." 

This  allusion  to  the  professional  pursuits  of  the  orator 
was  received  with  a  storm  of  delight,  which,  with  a  bell 
accompaniment,  rendered  the  remainder  of  his  speech  in- 
audible, with  the  exception  of  the  concluding  sentenee, 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  268 

in  which  he  thanked  the  meeting  for  the  patient  attention 
with  wh](Ji  ihej  had  heard  him  throughout,  —  an  ex- 
pression of  gratitude  which  elicited  another  burst  of 
mirth,  of  about  a  quarter  of  an  hour's  dttration« 

Next,  a  tall  thin  gentleman,  in  a  very  stiff  white  neck- 
erchief afler  being  repeatedly  desired  hj  the  crowd  to 
'^  send  a  boj  home,  to  ask  whether  he  hadn't  left  his 
woioe  under  the  {mUow,"  begged  to  nominate  a  fit  and 
proper  person  to  represent  them  in  Parliament  And 
when  he  said  it  was  Horatio  Fizkin,  Esquire,  of  Fizkin 
Lodge,  near  Eatanswill,  the  Fizkinites  applauded,  and 
the  Slumkeyites  groaned,  so  long  and  so  loudlj,  that 
both  he  and  the  seocmder  might  have  sung  ccmiie  songs 
in  lieu  of  qpeakmg,  without  anybody's  being  a  bit  the 
wiser. 

The  friends  of  Horatio  Fizkin,  Esquire,  having  had 
their  innings,  a  little  choleric,  plnk-&oed  man  stood  finr- 
ward  to  pxc^[>06e  another  fit  and  prc^r  person  to  refMre^ 
sent  the  electors  of  Eatanswill  in  Parliament ;  and  very 
swinmiing^  the  pink-&oed  gentleman  would  have  got 
on,  if  he  had  not  been  rather  too  oholerie  to  entertain 
a  sufficient  perception  of  the  fun  of  the  crowd.  But 
after  a  yery  few  sentences  of  figurative  eloquoM^  the 
{Huk-fiMed  gentleman  got  from  dmiouncing  those  who 
interrupted  him  in  the  mob,  to  exchanging  defiance* 
with  the  gentlemen  on  the  hustings;  whereupon  arose 
an  uproar  which  reduced  him  to  the  necessity  of  ex- 
pressing his  feelinge  by  serious  pantomime,  which  he 
did,  and  then  left  the  stage  to  ins  seconder,  who  deliv- 
ered a  written  speech  of  half  an  hour's  length,  and 
wouldn't  be  stc^^ed,  because  he  had  sent  it  all  to  the 
Batanswill  Gazette,  and  the  EatanswHl  Qazette  had 
9ke9ij  {Minted  it,  every  word. 


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264  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

Then  Horatio  Fizkin,  Esquire,  of  Fiskin  Lodge,  near 
EatanswiU,  presented  himself  for  the  purpose  of  ad- 
dressing the  electors ;  which  he  no  sooner  did,  than  the 
hand  emplojed  hj  the  honorable  Samuel  Slumkej,  (!bm- 
menced  performing  with  a  power  to  which  their  strength 
in  the  morning  was  a  trifle ;  in  return  for  which,  the 
Buff  crowd  belabored  the  heads  and  shoulders  of  the 
Blue  crowd ;  on  which  the  Blue  crowd  endeavored  to 
dispossess  themselves  of  their  very  unpleasant  neigh* 
bors  the  Buff  crowd ;  and  a  scene  of  struggling,  and 
pushing,  and  fighting,  succeeded,  to  which  we  can  no 
more  do  justice  than  the  mayor  could,  although  he  is- 
sued imperative  orders  to  twelve  constables  to  seize  the 
ring-leaders,  who  might  amount  in  number  to  two  hun- 
dred  and  fifty,  or  thereabouts.  At  all  these  encounters, 
Horatio  Fizkin,  Esquire,  of  iPizkin  Lodge,  and  his 
friends,  waxed  fierce  and  fiuious ;  until  at  last  Horatio 
Fizkin,  Esquire,  of  Fizkin  Lodge,  begged  to  ask  his  oppo- 
nent the  honorable  Samuel  Slumkey,  of  Slumkej  HaU, 
whether  that  band  played  by  his  consent ;  which  ques* 
tion  the  honorable  Samuel  Slumkey  declining  to  answ^, 
Horatio  Fizkin,  Esquire,  of  Fizkin  Lodge,  shook  his  fist 
in  the  countenance  of  the  hmiorable  Samuel  Slumkey, 
of  Slumkey  Hall ;  upon  which  the  honorable  Samuel 
Slumkey,  his  blood  being  up,  defied  Horatio  Fizkin, 
Esquire,  to  mortid  combat  At  this  violation  of  all 
known  rules  and  precedents  of  order,  the  mayor  com* 
manded  another  fontasia  on  the  bell,  and  declared  that 
he  wouM  bring  before  himself,  both  Horatio  Fizkin,  Es- 
quire, of  Fizkin  Lodge,  and  the  honorable  Samuel  Slum- 
key,  of  Slumkey  Hall,  and  bind  them  over  to  keep  the 
peace.  Upon  this  terrific  denunciation,  the  supporters  of 
the  two  candidates  interfered,  and  afler  the  friends  of 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  265 

each  party  had  quarrelled  in  pairs  for  three  quarters  of 
on  hour,  Horatio  Fizkin,  Esquire,  touched  his  hat  to  the 
honorable  Samuel  Slumkej :  the  honorable  Samuel 
Slumkej  touched  his  to  Horatio  Fizkin,  Esquire :  the 
band  was  stopped:  the  crowd  were  partially  quieted: 
and  Horatio  Fizkin,  Esquire,  was  permitted  to  proceed. 

The  speeches  of  the  two  candidates,  though  differing 
in  every  other  respect,  afforded  a  beautiful  tribute  to  the 
nferit  and  high  worth  of  the  electors  of  EatanswiU. 
Both  expressed  their  opinion  that  a  more  independent, 
a  more  enlightened,  a  more  public-spirited,  a  more  no- 
ble-minded, a  more  disinterested  set  of  men  than  those 
who  had  promised  to  vote  for  him,  never  existed  on 
earth;  each  darkly  hinted  his  suspicions  that  the  elec- 
tors in  the  opposite  interest  had  certain  swinish  and 
besotted  infirmities  which  rendered  them  unfit  for  the 
exercise  of  the  important  duties  they  were  called  upon 
to  discharge.  Fizldn  expressed  his  readiness  to  do  any- 
thing he  was  wanted ;  Slumkey,  hb  determination  to  do 
nothing  that  was  asked  of  him.  Both  said  that  the 
trade,  the  manu&ctures,  the  commerce,  the  prosperity, 
of  EatanswiU,  would  ever  be  dearer  to  their  hearts  than 
any  earthly  object;  and  each  had  it  in  his  power  to 
stata,  with  the  utmost  confidence,  that  he  was  the  man 
who  would  eventually  be  retamed. 

There  was  a  show  of  hands ;  the  mayor  decided  in 
favor  of  the  honorable  Samuel  Slumkey,  of  Slumkey 
Hall,  Horatio  Fizkin,  Esquire,  of  Fizkin  Lodge,  de- 
manded a  poll,  and  a  poll  was  fixed  accordingly.  Then 
a  vote  of  thanks  was  moved  to  the  mayor  for  his  able 
conduct  in  the  chair ;  and  the  mayor  devoutly  wishing 
that  he  had  had  a  chair  to  display  his  able  conduct  in 
(for  he  had  been  standing  during  the  whole  proceedings) 


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266  POSTHtJMOUS  PAPERS  OP 

returned  thanks.  The  processions  reformed,  the  car* 
riages  rolled  slowlj  through  the  crowd,  and  its  members 
screeched  and  shouted  after  them  as  their  feelings  or 
caprice  dictated. 

During  the  whole  time  of  the  polling,  the  town  was  in 
a  perpetual  fever  of  excitement  Everything  was  con- 
ducted on  the  most  liberal  and  delightful  scale.  Excise- 
able  articles  were  remarkably  cheap  at  all  the  publio* 
houses;  and  spring  vans  paraded  ihe  streets  for  tbe 
accommodation  of  voters  who  were  seized  with  any 
temporary  dizziness  in  the  head  —  an  epidemic  which 
previuled  among  the  electors,  during  the  contest,  to  a 
most  alarming  extent,  and  under  Hie  influence  of  whidi 
they  might  frequently  be  seen  Ijmg  on  the  pavements 
in  a  state  of  utter  insensibility.  A  small  body  of  eleo* 
tors  remained  unpolled  on  the  very  last  day.  They  were 
calculating  and  reflecting  persons,  who  had  not  yet  been 
convinced  by  the  arguments  of  either  party,  although 
they  had  had  frequent  conferences  with  each.  One  hour 
before  the  close  of  the  poll,  Mr.  Perker  solicited  the 
honor  of  a  private  interview  widi  these  intelligent,  these 
noble,  these  patriotic  men.  It  was  granted.  His  argo* 
ments  were  brief,  but  satisfactory.  They  went  in  a  body 
to  the  poll;  and  when  they  retomed,  the  honorable  fikm- 
uel  Slomkey,  of  Slomkey  Hall|  was  returned  also. 


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TRS  PICKWICK  CLUB,  M7 


CSAFTKR  XIY. 
ooxpRiBiiro  ▲  BKiar  BssoRimair  ov  nn  <N>i[PA«r 

BT  ▲  BAOMAli; 

It  is  pleiMoit  to  torn  firann  ^mtempklkg  tlM  ttiiiSft 
and  turmoil  of  political  existence  to  the  peacefU  repoae 
of  priTate  life.  Altlioagk  in  reality  bo  great  partfsan 
of  dther  mde,  Mr.  Pidcwick  was  sufllciaDtiy  IMi  widi 
Mr.  Bott^s  entknsiasai  to  apply  bis  wbole  tine  and  at* 
teatioB  to  tiie  prooeedingSy  of  whioh  the  last  chapter 
i^fords  a  description  compiled  from  his  own  memraada. 
Nor  whfle  he  was  thus  occupied  was  Mr.  TVlnkle  idle> 
las  whole  time  h^g  deroted  to  pleasant  walks  and 
dwrt  ooontry  ezenraioDs  with  Mrs.  Pott^  who  oerss 
fidledy  when  sndi  an  opportmiitj  presented  itod^  to 
seek  some  relief  from  the  tedions  monotonj  she  so  eon* 
stantly  complained  0L  The  two  gentlemen  being  thos 
oompletdj  domesdoated  in  the  Editov^s  hottse^  Mr;  Top* 
man  and  Mn  Snodgraas  were  in  a  greai  measnre  cast 
upon  their  own  resonBoee.  Taking  but  Kttle  interest 
hi  publio  aflhirs,  th^  beguiled  their  time  ohi^  wkh 
snch  amasemeniB  ai  the  Beacodk  afibrdedt  which  were 
limited  to  a  bag8toll64M>sffd  in  the  first  ioor,  and  a  sei> 
qaestored  skitUe-gvoaad  in  the  back  yard.  In  the  sd* 
enoe  and  nioety  of  both  these  reereatioBS,  which  are  frr 
Biore  abstrose  than  ordinary  men  S^ppoMi  they  wev* 

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268  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

gradually  initiated  hj  Mr.  WeUer,  who  possessed  a  per- 
fect knowledge  of  such  pastimes.  Thus,  notwithstanding 
that  thej  were  in  a  great  measure  deprived  of  the  com- 
fort and  advantage  of  Mr.  Pickwick's  society,  they  were 
still  enabled  to  beguile  the  time,  and  to  prevent  its  hang- 
ing heavily  on  their  hands. 

It  was  in  the  erenbigi  however,  that  the  Pea<»ck 
presented  attractions  which  enabled  the  two  friends  to 
remtt  even  the  iavitatioiiB  of  the  gifted,  though  pro^, 
Pott  It  was  in  the  eveakig  that  the  ^commercial  room** 
was  filled  with  a  social  circle,  whose  characters  and  man- 
ners it  was  the  delight  of  Mr.  Tupman  to  observe ;  whose 
sayiifgs  and  doings  it  was  the  hatnt  of  Mr.  Snodgrass  to 
netedown. 

Most  people  know  what  sort  of  places  commercial 
rooms  usually  are.  That  of  the  Peacock  differed  in  no 
material  respect  from  the  generality  of  such  apartments: 
that  is  to  say,  it  was  a  large  bare-lookiag  room,  the  fur- 
niture of  which  had  no  doubt  been  better  when  it  was 
newer,  with  a  spacious  tMe  in  the  centre,  and  a  variety 
of  smaller  dittoe  in  the  comers :  an  extefisive  assort- 
ment of  variously  shaped  chairs,  and  an  old  Turkey  car* 
pet,  bearing  about  the  same  rdative  proportion  to  the 
fiise  of  the  room  as  a  lady's  pocket-handkerchief  might  to 
ihe  floor  of  a  watch-boz.  The  walls  were  garnished 
with  one  or  two  large  maps ;  and  several  weather-beat* 
en  rough  great-ooats,  with  complicated-  capes,  dangled 
from  a  long  row  i£  pegs  in  one  comer.  The  mantel-shelf 
was  ornamented  with  a  wooden  inkstand,  containing  one 
Btnmp  of  a  pen  and  half  a  wafer :  a  road-book  and  di- 
rectory: a  county  history,  minus  the  cover:  and  the 
mortal  remains  of  a  trout  in  a  glass  coffin.  The  atmos- 
phere was  redolent  of  tobaoco-snu^e,  the  fumes  of  which 
kad  communicated  a  rather  dingy  hue  to  the  whole 

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THB  PTCKWICK  CLUB.  99§- 

rtMmi,  and  more  espedallj  to  ^  dustj  red  curtains 
which  shaded  the  windows.  On  the  sideboard,  a  rarietj. 
of  miscellaneoas  articles  were  huddled  together,  the  most 
conspiouons  of  which  were  some  verj  cloudy  fish-sauce 
cmets,  a  couple  of  driYing4xizes,  two  or  three  whips,  and 
as  many  traTelling  shawls,  a  tray  of  knives  and  forkSf 
and  the  mustard. 

Here  it  was  that  Mr.  Tupman.and  Mr.  Snodgrass 
were  seated  oc  the  evening  after  the  conclusion  of  the 
Section,  with  several  other  temporary  inmates  of  the 
house,  smoking  and  drinking. 

^  Well,  gents,**  sud  a  stout,  hale  personage  of  about 
forty,  with  only  one  eye — a  very  bright  black  eye, 
which  twinkled  with  a  roguish  expression  of  fbn  and 
good-humor;  ^our  noble  selves,  gents.  I  always  pit>> 
pose  that  toast  to  ^  company,  and  drink  Mary  to  my- 
8<£    £h,Maryr 

"  Get  along  with  you,  you  wretch,**  said  the  hand- 
maiden, obvionrfy  not  ill-pleased  with  llie  compliment, 
however. 

^  Don*t  go  away,  Mary,"  said  the  black-eyed  man. 

**  Let  me  idone,  imperence,**  said  the  young  lady. 

^Never  mind,**  saUL  the  one-eyed  man,  cidling  after 
the  girl  as  she  left  the  room ;  ^  ni  step  out  by  and 
by,  Mary.  Keep  your  sinrits  up,  dear.**  Here  he  went 
through  the  not  very  difficult  process  of  winking  upon 
the  company  with  his  solitary  eye,  to  the  enthusiastic  de- 
list of  an  Merly  personage  with  a  dirty  face  and  a  clay 
pipe. 

"Bum  creeters  is  women,**  said  the  dirty-faced  man, 
after  a  pause. 

^Ah,  no  mistake  about  that,"  said  a  very  red-fh6ed 
man,  behind  a  eigar*  •  v 


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Vi^  POSTHUMOUS  ?4PBiU»  Of 

After  tills  littfe  hit  of  philQ0€iiby»  thef«  was  another 


'^Thfigpe's  mmmer  tbiiigB  thm  women  in  this  world 
though,  mind  70a,''  aaid  the  man  with  the  hkek  eye, 
slowly  filling  a  large  Dutch  pipe,  with  a  most  capaoiooi 
bowL 

^  Are  70U  married?  "  inquired  the  dirty-faoed  man. 

**  Can't  8^  I  anL**. 

^  I  thought  not*"  Hero  the  dir^-fiused  man  fell  mto 
ecstasies  of  mirth  at  his  own  retort,  in  whioh  he  was 
joined  by  a  man  of  bland  Toice  and  plaoid  counlenanocb 
who  always  made  it  a  point  to  agree  with  everybody. 

^  Women,  after  all,  gentlemen,'*  said  the  enthimstie 
lilr.  Snodgiras^  ^  ape  the  great  props  and  oomforis  of  our 
ezistenoe.'' 

^  So  they  are,"  aaid  the  plaoid  gendeman. 

'^When  they're  in  a  good-humor,**  interposed  (he 
cBrQr^&oed  loan. 

^  And  thaf  s  yery  trne^"  said  tibe  plaoid  one. 

^  I  repudiate  that  qualification,''  said  Mr.  Soodgrass, 
whose  thoiights  wero  iast  reyeytinf  to  SmUy  Wardle. 
^I  repudiate  it  with  disdain -^  with  indignsAioA.  Show 
n|e  the  man  who  says  anything  against  womeoy  aa  wom- 
en, and  I  boldly  declare  he  is  not  a  man."  And  lifo 
Snodgrass  took  bis  cigar  from  his  mouth,  and  struch  the 
table  violently  with  his  denched  fist 

<<  Tliat's  good  sound  argument,"  said  the  placid  man. 

^  Ck>ntaining  a  position  which  I  deny,"  interrupted  ho 
of  the  dirty  countenance. 

^  And  there's  certainly  a  very  great  deal  of  truth  in 
what  you  observe,  too,  sir,"  said  the  placid  gentleman. 

*<  Your  health,  sir,"  said  the  bagman  with  the  lonely 
ejje,  bestowing  an  approving  nod  on  Mr.  SoodirSMt 


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TH8  nOKWiCK  0U7B*  271 

Hr.  Sooc^prnBB  ackno^riedged  tbe  cempHmail* 

^  I  always  like  to  hear  a  good  argmnealy''  oontincied 
the  bagman^  ^  a  sharp  one  like  this ;  if s  verj  improving  ] 
bat  this  little  argomeiit  aboQt  women  btoo^t  to  my 
mind  a  story  I  haye  heard  an  M  onde  of  mine  teU,  the 
reeoUeotion  of  which,  just  now,  made  me  say  there  were 
rummer  thmgs  than  wonen  to  be  Hiet  wiUi  sometimes." 

"^  I  should  like  to  hear  that  same  story,"  said  the  red* 
fiMed  man  with  the  eigar« 

^Should  yoa?"  was  the  only  reply  of  Ae  bagman, 
who  continued  to  smeka  with  great  Teheaiiaioe. 

''So  shonld  V  said  Mr.  Tupman,  H>^ak{ag  for  the 
fifsi  time.  He  wae  always  aajdeus  to  mcrease  kia  stoek 
of  experiexiee, 

^'Shoiddyotff  Well,  then,  IH  teU  it  No^Iwen't. 
I  know  you  woaH  believe-  il,"  asid  the  man  with  the 
roguish  eye^  making  that  organ  look  mere  roguish  than 
efer« 

"^  If  yon  say  if  a  true,  rf  eoorse  I  shidl,''  said  Mr.  Tup- 


*^g^^  upoa  tittt  videivtamUi^  m  t^  it,"  vepUed 
thetntvellerw  ^  Did  yon  ever  hear  of  the  great  eommerw 
oial  house  of  Bilson  and  Skim?  But  it  doesnft  matter 
though,  whether  yeu  did  or  not,  because  ikej  retired 
from  business  long  tinoe.  It^  ei|^ty  years  ago  since  the 
drcomstance  happvied  to  a  traveller  for  that  house,  but 
he  was  a  particular  firiend  iji  my  uncle's ;  and  my  uncle 
tM  the  story  to  me.  If  s  a  queer  name ;  but  he  used  to 
caUH 

THE  BAGklCA2rS  STORY, 
aai  he  used  to  tell  it^  somethang  in  tliis  way. 

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272  POSTHUMOUS  PAPEHS  OF 

^  One  winter^s  ereiimg,  Aboat  five  o'deck,  just  ba  it 
began  to  grow  dusk,  a  man  in  a  gig  might  have  been 
seen  urging  his  tired  horse  along  the  road  which  leads 
across  Marlborough  Downs,  in  the  direction  of  Brist<^ 
I  saj  he  might  have  been  se^  and  I  have  no  doubt  he 
would  have  been,  if  anybody  but  a  blind  man  had  hap- 
pened to  pass  that  way ;  but  the  weather  was  so  bad, 
and  the  night  so  cold  toad  wet,  that  nothing  was  out  but 
the  water,  and  so  the  traveller  jogged  along  in  die  mid* 
die  of  the  road,  lonesome  and  dreary  enough.  If  any 
bagman  of  thai  day  could  have  caught  sight  of  the  fittle 
neck-or-nothing  sort  of  gig,  with  a  clay-colored  body 
and  red  wheels,  and  the  vixenish  ill-tempered,  &8t-going 
bay  mare,  that  looked  like  a  cross  between  a  batcher^s 
horse  and  a  twopenny  post-office  pony,  he  would  have 
known  at  once,  tibat  this  traveler  oould  have  been  no 
odier  than  Tom  SmaM,  of  the  great  house  of  Bilson  and 
Slum,  Cateaton  Street,  City.  However,  as  there  was  no 
bagman  to  look  on,  nobody  knew  anything  at  all  about 
the  matter ;  and  so  Tom  Smart  and  his  day-colored  gig 
with  the  red  wheels,  and  die  vixenish  mare  with  the^t 
pace,  went  on  together,  keeping  the  secret  among  them: 
and  nobody  was  a  bit  the  wiser. 

^There  are  many  pleasanter  places  even  in  this  dreary 
woild,  than  Marlborough  Downs  when  it  Mows  hard ; 
and  if  you  throw  in  beside,  a  gloomy  winter's  evening,  a 
miry  and  sloppy  road,  and  a  pelting  fall  of  heavy  rain,  and 
try  the  eflR^t,  by  way  of  experiment,  in  your  own  proper 
person,  you  will  experience  the  fiill  force  of  this  observi^ 
tion. 

^  The  wind  blew  — not  up  die  road  or  down  it,  though 
diaf  s  bad  enough,  but  she^  across  it,  sending  the  rain 
slanting  down  like  die  lines  they  used  to  rule  in  dia' 


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THS  PICKWICK  CLUB.  278 

eopj-books  at  school,  to  make  the  bojs  slope  welL  For 
a  moment  it  would  die  awaj,  and  the  traveller  would  be- 
gin to  delude  himself  into  the  belief  that,  exhausted  with 
its  preTioos  fury,  it  had  quietly  laid  itself  down  to  rest, 
when  whoo  I  he  would  hear  it  growling  and  whistling 
in  the  distance,  and  on  it  would  ccMne  rushing  over  the 
hill-t<^ps,  and  sweeping  along  the  plain,  gathering  sound 
and  strength  as  it  drew  nearer,  until  it  dashed  with  a 
heavy  gust  against  horse  and  man,  driving  the  sharp  rain 
into  their  ears,  and  its  cold  damp  breath  into  their  very 
bones ;  and  past  them  it  would  scour,  far,  far  away,  with 
a.  stunning  roar,  as  if  in  ridicule  of  their  weakness,  and 
triumphant  in  the  consciousness  of  its  own  strength  and 
power.   . 

"The  bay  mare  q^lashed  away,  through  the  mud  and 
water,  with  dnpoping  ears :  now  and  then  tossing  her 
head  as  if  to  ei^xress  her  disgust  at  this  very  ungentle- 
manly  behavior  of  the  elements,  but  keeping  a  good  pace 
notwithstanding,  until  a  gust  of  wind,  more  fiirious  than 
any  that  had  yet  assailed  them,  caused  her  to  stop  sud- 
denly, and  plant  her  four  leet  firmly  against  the  ground, 
to  prevent  her  being  blown  over.  It's  a  special  mercy 
that  she  did  this,  f<»r  if  she  had  been  blown  over,  the 
vixenish  nuure  was  so  light,  and  the  gig  was  so  lights  and 
Tom  Smart  such  a  light  weight  into  the  bargain,  that 
they  must  in&llibly  have  all  gone  rolling  over  and  over 
together,  until  they  reached  the  confines  of  earth,  or 
until  the  wind  fell;  and  in  either  case  the  probabiH^  is, 
that  neither  the  vixenish  mare,  nor  the  day-colored  gig 
with  the  red  wheels,  nor  Tom  Smart,  would  ever  have 
been  fit  for  service  again. 

"'Well,  damn  my  straps  and  whiskers,'  says  Tom 
Smart,  (Tom  sometimes  had  an  unpleasant  knack  of 


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974  POSTHUMOUS  PAPEfiS  OF 

flwearing),  *  Damn  1117  strapd  and  whisken,'  flays  ToiBi 
*  if  this  aVt  pleasant,  blow  me ! ' 

•*  YouTl  very  likely  ask  me,  why,  as  Tom  Smart  had 
be^i  pretty  well  blown  abready,  he  expressed  this  wish 
to  be  submitted  to  the  same  process  again.  I  cant  say 
—  all  I  know  is,  that  Tom  Smart  said  so  —  cv  at  least 
he  always  told  my  uwde  he  said  so,  and  it^  jest  di6  same 
thing. 

'  *  Blow  me,'  says  Tom  Smart ;  and  the  mare  neighed 
as  if  she  were  (niedsely  of  the  same  opinion* 

*  *  Oieer  np,  old  girl,'  said  Tom,  patting  the  bay  mare 
on  the  neck  with  the  end  <^  his  whip»  *  It  won't  do 
poshkig  on,  sttch  a  night  as  tills ;  the  first  house  we  come 
to  we'll  put  up  at,  so  the  faster  you  go  the  sooner  i^a 
over.    6(^0,  old  girl -^gently  —  gently.' 

^Whether  the  vixenish  mare  was  suffidently  wdl 
acquainted  with  the  tones  ot  Tom's  voice  to  comprehend 
his  meanings  or  whethw  she  found  it  colder  standing 
still  than  moving  <m,  of  eoano  I  can't  say.  But  I  can 
say  that  Tom  had  no  sooner  finished  speaking,  than  she 
pricked  up  her  ears,  and  started  forward  at  a  ^^ed 
m^ich  made  the  day-cotored  gig  rattle  titt  you  woald 
have  supposed  every  one  of  the  red  spokes  was  going 
to  fly  out  on  the  tnrf  of  Marlborough  Downs}  and  even 
Tom,  whip  as  he  was,  couldn't  stop  or  che^  her  pace, 
until  she  drew  up,  of  h^  own  accord^  before  a  road-side 
inn  on  the  right-hand  side  of  the  way,  about  half  a  quar- 
ter of  a  mile  from  the  end  of  the  Downs. 

^  Tom  cast  a  hasty  glance  at  the  nj^i^er  part  of  the 
house  as  he  threw  the  reins  to  the  hostler,  and  stock 
the  whip  in  the  box.  It  was  a  strange  dd  place,  buHt 
of  a  kind  of  shingle^  inbiid,  as  it  were,  widi  cross-beams, 
with  gable^topped  windows  prelecting  con^letely  over 


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THX  PlO^WtCit  OLUB.  275 

die  pathway,  and  a  low  door  with  a  dark  pordi,  and  a 
ooopk  of  sUsep  steps  leading  down  into  the  house,  in- 
stead of  the  modem  fashion  of  hitf  a  dosen  shallow  ones, 
leading  np  to  it  It  was  a  oomfbrtable-loddng  place 
though,  for  there  was  a  strong  dieerful  light  in  the  har- 
window,  whkfa  shed  a  hrigfat  nsf  across  the  road,  and 
eren  lighted  np  the  hedge  on  the  other  side ;  and  there 
was  a  red  flickering  light  in  the  Of^posite  window,  one 
moment  hot  fitintly  discernlMe,  and  the  next  gleaming 
etronglj  through  tlM  drawn  eiiitain8>  whidi  intinuited  thaA 
a  roushig  fire  was  bfatfii^  within*  Markmg  these  little 
evidences  with  the  eje  <^  an  experienoed  traveller,  Ton 
dismounted  with  as  mnoh  agili^  as  his  hatf^sen  limbs 
would  permit,  and  entered  the  boose. 

^In  less  than  five  minutes'  time,  Tom  was  ensconced 
in  the  room  opposite  the  bar  ^^  the  yery  room  where  he 
had  imagined  the  fire  blaaing  —  before  a  substantial 
matt^^oMust  roaring  Are,  composed  of  something  short 
of  a  bn^bel  of  coids,  and  wood  enough  to  make  half  a 
dosen  decent  gooseberry-bushes,  piled  half  way  up  the 
dumney,  and  roaring  wad  crackhng  with  a  sound  that 
of  itself  would  have  warmed  the  heart  of  any  reasona- 
ble'man.  This  was  comfortable,  bat  tlds  was  not  all, 
for  a  smaftly  drossed  girl,  with  a  brif^t  eye  and  a  neat 
ankle,  was  laying  a  very  clean  white  cbth  on  the  tables 
and  as  Tom  sat  with  his  slippered  foet  on  the  fonder, 
and  his  back  to  the  open  do<Nr,  he  saw  a  charming  pros- 
pect of  the  bar  reflected  in  the  glass  over  the  dihnney- 
piece,  with  delightful  rows  of  green  bottles  aad  gold 
labels,  together  with  jars  of  pickles  aad  preserves,  and 
cheeses  and  boiled  hams,  axid  rounds  of  beef,  arranged 
im  riielves  in  the  most  tempting  and  delicious  arrays 
Well,  this  was  comfortable  too;,  but  even  this  was  net 

VOL.  I.  18 

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276  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

all  —  for  in  the  bar,  seated  at  tea  at  the  nicest  possible 
little  table,  drawn  close  up  before  the  brightest  possible 
little  fire,  was  a  buxom  widow  of  somewhere  about  eight 
and  fcMTty  or  thereabouts,  with  a  face  as  comfortable  aa 
the  bar,  who  was  evidently  the  landlady  of  the  housei 
and  the  supreme  ruler  oyer  all  these  agreeable  posses- 
sions. There  was  onlj  one  drawback  to  the  beauty  of 
the  whole  picture,  and  that  was  a  tall  man  —  a  very 
tall  man  —  in  a  brown  coat  and  bright  badcet  buttons, 
and  black  whiskers,  and  wavy  blad:  hair,  who  was  seated 
at  tea  with  the  widow,  and  who  it  required  no  great  pen- 
etration to  discover  was  in  a  faur  way  of  persuading  her 
to  be  a  widow  no  longer,  but  to  C(mfer  upon  him  the 
privilege  of  sitting  down  in  that  bar,  for  and  during  the 
whole  remainder  of  the  term  of  his  natural  life. 

^  Tom  Smart  was  by  no  means  of  an  irritable  or  en- 
vious disposition,  but  somehow  or  other  the  tall  man 
with  the  brown  coat  and  the  bright  basket  buttons  did 
rouse  what  little  gall  he  had  in  his  ocnnposition,  and  did 
make  him  feel  extremely  indignant :  the  more  especially 
as  he  could  now  and  then  observe,  from  his  seat  before 
the  glass,  certain  little  affectionate  familiarities  passing 
between  the  tall  man  and  the  widow,  whidi  sufficieotly 
di^ioted  that  the  tall  man  was  as  high  in  iavor  as  he  was 
in  siae»  Tom  was  fond  of  hot  punch — I  msiy  venture  lo 
say  he  was  very  fond  of  hot  punch  —  and  aflter  he  had 
seen  the  vixenish  mare  well  fed  and  well  littered  down, 
and  had  eaten  every  bit  of  the  nice  little  hot  dinnor 
which  the  widow  tossed  up  for  him  with  her  own  handsi 
he  just  ordered  a  tumbler  of  it,  by  way  of  experimenL 
Now,  if  there  was  one  thing  in  the  whole  range  of  do- 
mestic art,  which  the  widow  could  manufacture  better 
Ihan  another,  it  was  this  identical  article ;  and  the  first 


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THK  PICKWICK  CLUB.  27? 

tumbler  was  adapted  to  Tom  Smart's  taste  wHh  saeli' 
peculiar  nicetj,  that  he  ordered  a  second  with  the  least 
possible  delay.  Hot  punch  is  a  pleasant  thing,  gentle* 
men  —  an  extremely  pleasant  thing  under  any  circum- 
stances —  but  in  that  snug  old  parior,  before  the  roaring 
fire,  with  the  wind  blowing  outside  till  every  timber  in 
the  old  house  creaked  again,  Tom  Smart  found  it  per- 
fectly deHghtfuL  He  ordered  another  tumbler,  and  then 
another — I  am  not  quite  certain  whether  he  cUdn't  order 
another  after  that  —  but  the  more  he  drank  of  the  hot 
punch,  the  more  he  thought  of  the  tall  man. 

'^^  Confound  his  impudence  I'  said  Tom  to  himself 
<  what  business  has  he  in  that  mug  bar?  Such  an  ugly 
yillain  too ! '  said  Tom.  <  If  the  widow  had  any  taste, 
she  might  surely  pick  up  some  better  fellow  than  that.' 
Here  Tom's  eye  wandered  finom  the  glass  on  the  chim* 
ney-piece,  to  Uie  glass  on  the  table ;  and  as  he  felt  hkn- , 
setf  becoming  gradually  sentimental,  he  emptied  the 
fourth  tumbler  of  punch  and  ordered  a  fifth. 

**  Tom  Smart,  gentlemen,  had  always  been  very  much 
attached  to  the  pubKc  Hne.  It  had  long  been  his  ambi- 
tioii  to  stand  in  a  bar  of  his  own,  in  a  green  coat,  knee- 
cords,  and  tops.  He  had  a  great  notion  of  taking  the 
chaur  at  conyivial  dinners,  and  he  had  often  thought  how 
well  he  could  preside  in  a  room  of  his  own  in  the  talking 
way,  and  what  a  capital  example  he  could  set  to  his  cus* 
tomers  in  the  drinking  department  All  these  things 
passed  rapidly  through  Tom's  mind  as  he  sat  drinking 
the  hot  punch  by  the  roaring  fire,  and  he  felt  very  justly 
and  properly  indignant  that  the  tall  man  should  be  in  a 
Gur  way  of  keeping  such  an  excellent  house,  while'  he, 
lorn  Smart,  was  as  &r  off  from  it  as  ever.  So,  after 
delSlierating  over  the  two  last  tumblers,  whether  he 


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278  POSTHUMOUS  PAPEBS  OF 

badn't  a  perfect  ri^t  to  pick  a  quarrel  with  the  tall 
man  for  baying  oontriyed  to  get  into  the  good  graces 
of  the  buxom  widow,  Tom  Smart  at  last  arrived  at 
the  satisfactory  conclusion  that  he  was  a  very  ill-used 
and  persecuted  individual,  and  had  better  go  to  bed. 

^  Up  a  wide  and  ancient  staircase  the  smart  girl  pre* 
ceded  Tom,  shading  the  chamber  candle  with  her  hand, 
to  protect  it  from  the  currents  of  air  which  in  such  a 
rambling  old  place  might  have  found  plenty  of  room  to 
divert  themselves  in,  without  blowing  &e  candle  out, 
but  which  did  blow  it  out  nevertheless ;  thus  affording 
Tom's  enemies  an  opportunity  of  asserting  that  it  was 
he,  and  not  the  wind,  who  extinguished  the  candle,  and 
that  while  he  pretended  to  be  blowing  it  a-light  again, 
he  was  in  fact  kissing  the  girL  Be  this  as  it  may, 
another  light  was  obtained,  and  Tom  was  conducted 
throu^  a  mase  of  roc«ns,  and  a  labyrinth  of  passages, 
to  the  iq>artment  which  had  been  prepared  for  his  re- 
ception, whore  the  girl  bade  him  good-night,  and  left  him 
alone. 

'^  It  was  a  good  large  ro<Hii  with  big  closets,  and  a  bed 
whidi  might  have  served  for  a  whole  boarding'school, 
to  say  nothing  of  a  couple  of  oaken  presses  that  would 
have  held  the  baggage  <^  a  small  army;  but  what  struck 
Tom's  fancy  most,  was  a  strange,  grim-looking,  high* 
backed  chaiiv  carved  in  the  most  fantastic  manner,  with 
a  flowered  damask  cushion,  and  the  round  knobs  at  4m 
bottom  of  the  legs  carefiiUy  tied  up  in  red  cloth,  as  if  it 
had  got  the  gout  in  its  toes.  Of  any  other  queer  chair, 
Tom  would  only  have  thought  it  W€u  a  queer  chair,  and 
there  would  have  been  an  end  of  the  matter ;  but  there 
was  something  about  this  particular  chdr,  and  yet  he 
couldn't  tell  what  it  was,  so  odd  and  so  unlike  any  other 


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THB  nOKWICK  CLUB.  979 

piece  of  fbndtore  he  had  erer  seen,  that  it  seemed  to 
fiiscinate  him.  He  sat  down  before  Ihe  fire,  aod  stared 
at  the  old  chair  for  half  aa  hoar;  — Deuse  take  the 
chair,  it  was  sadi  a  strange  old  thing,  he  couldn't  take 
bis  eyes  off  it 

'^'Well,'  said  Tom,  slowlj  undressing  himself,  and 
staring  at  die  old  chak  all  the  while,  whidi  stood  with 
a  mysterious  aspect  by  the  bedside,  '  I  neyer  saw  such 
a  rum  concern  as  that  in  my  days.  Very  odd,'  said 
Tom,  who  had  got  rather  sage  with  the  hot  punch,  ^  Very 
odd.'  Tom  shook  his  head  with  an  air  i^  profound  wis- 
dom, and  kx^ed  at  the  chair  again.  He  couldn't  make 
anything  of  it  though ;  so  he  got  into  bed,  covered  him- 
self  ap  warm,  and  Ml  asleep. 

^  In  about  half  an  hour,  Tom  woke  up,  with  a  start, 
from  a  confused  dream  of  tall  men  and  tumblers  of 
punch:  and  the  first  object  that  presented  itself  to  his 
waking  imagination  was  the  queer  chair. 

^*I  won't  k>dL  at  it  any  more,'  said  Tom  to  himself, 
and  he  squeezed  his  eyelids  together,  and  tried  to  per- 
suade himself  he  was  going  to  sleep  again.  No  use ; 
nothing  but  queer  diairs  danced  before  his  eyes,  kicking 
up  their  legs,  jumping  OTsr  each  other's  backs,  and  play- 
ing all  kinds  of  antics. 

** '  I  may  as  well  see  one  real  chair,  as  two  or  three 
complete  sets  of  false  ones,'  said  Tom,  bringing  out  his 
head  fiom  under  the  bed-€k>tkes.  There  it  was,  plainly 
discernible  by  the  light  of  the  Are,  lofMag  as  provddng 
as  ever. 

^  Tom  gased  at  the  chair ;  and,  suddenly  as  he  looked 
at  it,  a  most  extraordinary  change  seemed  to  come  over 
it.  The  carving  of  the  back  gradually  assumed  the  lin- 
eaments and  expression  of  an  okl,  shrivelled  human  face ; 


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280  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

the  damask  cushion  became  ao  antique,  flapped  waisl- 
coat ;  the  round  knobs  grew  into  a  couple  of  feet,  in> 
cased  in  red-cloth  slippers ;  and  the  whole  chair  looked 
like  a  very  ugly  old  man,  of  the  previous  centqij,  wkh 
his  arms  a-kimbo.  Tom  sat  up  in  bed,  and  rubbed  Jm 
eyes  to  dispel  the  illusion.  Na  The  chair  was  an  ngly 
old  gentleman ;  and  what  was  more,  he  was  winking  at 
Tom  Smart. 

"  Tom  was  naturally  a  headlong  careless  sort  of  dog^ 
and  he  had  had  five  tumblers  g£  hot  punch  into  the  bar- 
gain; bOf  although  he  was  a  little  startled  at  first,  he  b^an 
to  grow  rather  indignant  when  he  saw  die  old  gentleman 
winking  and  leering  at  him  with  such  an  impudent  air. 
At  length  he  resolved  that  he  wouldn't  stand  it ;  and  as 
the  old  face  still  kept  winking  away  as  fast  as  ever,  Tom 
said,  in  a  very  angry  tone  — > 

"  *  What  the  devil  are  you  winking  at  me  for  ? ' 

^  *  Because  I  like  it,  Tom  Smart,'  said  the  chair ;  or 
the  old  gentleman,  whichever  you  like  to  call  him.  He 
stopped  winking  though,  when  Tom  spc^e,  and  b^an 
grinning  like  a  superannuated  monkey. 

^  ^  How  do  you  know  my  pame,  old  nut-cracker  fiKsel' 
inquired  Tom  Smart,  rather  staggered ;  —  though  he  pre- 
tended to  carry  it  off  so  well. 

^ '  Come,  come,  Tom,'  said  the  old  gentleman,  '  thaf  s 
not  the  way  to  address  solid  Spanish  Mahogany. 
Dam'me,  you  couldn't  treat  me  with  less  respect  if  I  was 
veneered.'  When  the  old  gentleman  said  this,  he  looked 
60  fierce  that  Tom  began  to  grow  frightened. 

^' '  I  didn't  mean  to  treat  you  with  any  disrespect,  sir,' 
said  Tom,  in  a  much  humbler  tone  than  he  had  spoken 
in  at  first 

"  *  Well,  *well,'  said  the  old  fellow, '  perhaps  not  —  per- 
haps not    Tom ' — 

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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  281 

^  *  I  know  everything  about  you,  Tom ;  eyerything. 
You're  very  poor,  Tom.* 

^ '  I  certainly  am,'  said  Tom  Smart  *  But  how  came 
you  to  know  that  ? ' 

"  <  Never  mind  that,'  said  the  old  gentleman ;  *  you're 
much  too  fond  of  punch,  Tom.' 

**  Tom  Smart  was  just  on  the  point  of  protesting  that 
he  hadn't  tasted  a  drop  since  his  last  birthday,  but  when 
his  eye  encountered  that  of  the  old  gentleman,  he  looked 
80  knowing  that  Tom  blushed,  and  was  silent 

"  *  Tom,*  said  the  old  gentleman,  *  the  widow's  a  fine 
woman  —  remarkably  fine  woman  —  eb,  Tom  ?  *  Here 
the  old  fellow  screwed  up  his  eyes,  cocked  up  one  of  his 
wasted  little  legs,  and  looked  altogether  so  unpleasantly 
amorous,  that  Tom  was  quite  disgusted  with  the  levity  of 
his  behavior ;  —  at  his  time  of  life,  too  I 

'^ '  I  am  her  guardian,  Tom,'  said  the  old  gentleman. 

**  *  Are  you  ? '  inquired  Tom  Smart 

"  *  I  knew  her  mother,  Tom,'  ssud  the  old  fellow ;  *  and 
her  grandmother.  She  was  very  fond  of  me  —  made 
me  this  waistcoat,  Tom.' 

«*Did  she?'  said  Tom  Smart 

^ '  And  these  shoes,'  said  the  old  fellow,  HfUng  up  one 
of  the  red-cloth  mufflers ;  *  but  don't  mention  it,  Tom, 
I  shouldn't  like  to  have  it  known  that  she  was  so  much  at- 
tached to  me.  It  might  occasion  some  unpleasantness  in 
the  femily.'  When  the  old  rascal  said  this,  he  looked  so 
extremely  impertinent,  that,  as  Tom  Smart  afterwards 
declared,  he  could  have  sat  upon  him  without  remorse. 

*^  *  I  have  been  a  great  &vorite  among  the  women  in 
my  time,  Tom,*  said  the  profligate  old  debauchee ;  *  hun- 
dreds of  fine  women  have  sat  in  my  lap  fbn  hours  to- 


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382  P0STHUM0U8  PAPEBS  OF 

gether.  What  do  jou  think  of  that,  jou  dog,  eh  ? '  The 
old  gentlemaii  waa  proceediiq{  to  reoount  some  oiher  ex- 
ploits  of  his  jouthy  when  he  was  seised  with  soch  a  violent 
fit  of  creaking  that  he  was  unable  to  prooeed* 

^ '  Jast  serves  you  right,  old  boj/  thought  Tom  Smart  i 
but  he  didn't  saj  anything. 

<<<Ahr  swd  the  old  fellow,  a  am  a  good  deal  tmuUed 
with  this  now.  I  am  getting  old,  Tom,  and  have  lest 
nearly  all  mj  rails.  I  have  had  an  operation  performed, 
too, — a  small  piece  let  into  my  back  •^  and  I  found  it  a 
severe  trial,  Tom.' 

**  <  I  dare  say  yon  did,  sir,'  said  Tom  Smart 

^  <  However,'  said  the  old  gentleman,  '  that's  not  tha 
point    Tom !  I  want  you  to  marry  the  widow.' 

« '  Me,  sir  ! '  said  Tom. 

^  ^  You ; '  said  the  old  gentleman. 

^  <  Bless  your  reverend  locks,'  said  Tom  — *  (he  had  a 
few  scattered  horse-hairs  left)-— '  bless  your  reverend 
locks,  she  wouldn't  have  me.'  And  Tom  dghed  invol- 
untarily, as  he  thought  of  the  bar. 

^  *  Wouldn't  she  ? '  said  the  old  gontlemaiv  finmly. 

^ '  No,  no,'  said  Tom ;  '  there's  somebody  elae  in  the 
wind.  A  tall  man — a  oon&undedly  taU  man-^with 
black  whiskers.' 

<<<  Tom,'  said  the  old  gentleman ;  ^  she  wiU  never  have 
him.' 

<<<  Won't  she?'  said  Tom.  'If  you  stood  in  the  baiv 
old  gentleman,  you'd  tell  another  story.' 

^'Pooh,  pooh,'  said  the  old  gentleman.  '  I  know  all 
about  that.' 

<<' About  what?'  said  Tom. 

<< '  The  kissing  behind  the  door,  and  all  that  sort  of 
thing,  Tom,*,  said  the  old  gentleman.    And  here  he  gave 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  288 

another  kiipadant  look^  which  made  Tom  veiy  wroth, 
because  as  joa  aQ  know,  gentlemen,  to  hear  an  old  fal- 
low, who  ought  to  know  better,  talking  about  these  things, 
10  veiy  unpleasant-*-  nothing  oiore  so« 

^'I  know  all  about  that»  Tom/  said  the  old  gentleDM»« 
'I  have  seen  it  done  very  often  in  my  tioM^  Tmn^  be- 
tween more  people  tbto  I  should  like  to  mentk>n  to  jeu ; 
but  it  nerer  came  to  anything  after  alL' 

" '  Yon  must  have  seen  some  qneer  things/  said  Tom, 
with  an  inquisitiye  look. 

^ '  You  may  say  that,  Tom,'  replied  the  oM  fellow^ 
with  a  very  complicated  wink.  ^  I  am  the  last  of  ay  ftun* 
ily,  T<Hn/  siud  the  old  gentleman, with  a  m^anc^oly  sigh. 

^  *  Was  it  a  large  one  ? '  inquired  T»m  Smart 

"  *  There  were  twelve  of  ns,  Tom,'  said  the  old  gen- 
tleman ;  '  fine  straight-backed,  handsome  fellows  as  yoo'd 
wish  to  see.  None  of  your  qiodem  abortions  — aU  with 
arms,  and  with  a  degree  of  polish,  though  I  say  it  that 
should  not,  which  would  have  done  your  heart  good  to 
behold.' 

** '  And  what's  become  of  the  others,  sir  ? '  asked  Tom 
Smart 

^  The  old  gentleman  applied  his  elbow  to  Us  eye  ait 
he  replied,  *  Gone,  Tom,  gone.  We  had  hard  s^vioe^ 
Tom,  and  they  hadn't  all  my  constitution.  They  got 
rheumatic  about  the  legs  and  arms,  and  went  inio  kileb* 
ens  and  other  hospitals ;  and  one  of  'em,  with  long  ser- 
vice and  hard  usage,  positively  lost  his  senses:  —  he 
got  so  crazy  that  he  was  obliged  to  be  burnt.  Shoek- 
ing  thing  that,  Tom.' 

«" '  Dreadful  I '  said  Tom  Smart. 

^  The  old  fellow  paused  for  a  few  minutes,  apparently 
struggling  with  his  feelings  of  emotion,  and  then  said, 


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284  POSTHUMOUS   PAPERS  OF 

« 
"*  However,  Tom,  I  am  wandering  from  the   point 

This  tall  man,  Tom,  is  a  rascally  adventurer.  The  mo- 
ment he  married  the  widow,  he  would  sell  off  all  the  fur- 
niture, and  run  away.  What  would  be  the  consequence  ? 
She  would  be  deserted  and  reduced  to  ruin,  and  I  should 
catch  my  death  of  cold  in  some  brokei^s  shop.' 

«*  Yes,  but'  — 

**  *  Don't  interrupt  me,*  said  Ae  old  gentleman.  *  Of 
you,  Tom,  I  entertain  a  very  different  opinion ;  for  I  well 
know  that  if  you  once  settled  yourself  in  a  public  house, 
you  would  never  leave  it,  as  long  as  there  was  anything 
to  drink  within  its  walls.' 

"  *  I  am  very  much  obliged  to  you  for  your  good  opin- 
ion, sir,'  said  Tom  Smart    - 

" '  Therefore,'  resumed  the  old  gentleman,  in  a  dictato- 
rial tone,  ^  you  shall  have  her,  and  he  shall  not' 

"*  What  is  to  prevent  it?'  said  Tom  Smart,  eagerly. 

**  *  This  disclosure,'  replied  the  old  gentleman  ;  *  he  is 
already  married.' 

"*How  can  I  prove  it?'  said  Tom,  starting  half  out 
of  bed. 

^  The  old  gentleman  untucked  his  arm  from  his  side, 
and  having  pobted  to  one  of  the  oaken  presses,  imme- 
diately replaced  it,  in  its  old  position. 

"  *  He  little  thinks,'  said  the  old  gentleman,  '  that  in 
the  right-hand  pocket  of  a  pair  of  trousers  in  that  press, 
he  has  lefr  a  letter,  entreating  him  to  return  to  his  dis- 
consolate wife,  with  six  —  mark  me,  Tom  —  six  babes, 
and  all  of  them  small  ones.' 

**  As  the  old  gentleman  solemnly  uttered  these  words, 
his  features  grew  less  and  less  distinct,  and  his  figure 
more  shadowy.  A  film  came  over  Tom  Smart's  eyes. 
The  old  man*  seemed  gradually  blending  into  the  chairi 


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THE  PIQKWIOK  CUJB.  285 

the  damask  waistcoat  to  resolye  idIo  a  oushion,  tbe  red 
slippers  to  shrink  into  little  red  doth  bags.  The  light 
faded  gently  away,  and  Tom  Smart  fell  back  on  Ins  pil- 
k>w,  and  dropped  asleep. 

^  Morning  aroused  Tom  from  the  lethargic  slomber, 
into  which  he  had  fallen  on  the  disappearance  of  the  old 
man.  He  sat  up  in  bed,  and  for  some  minutes  yainly 
endeavored  to  recall  the  events  of  the  preceding  night. 
Suddenly  they  rushed  upon  him.  He  looked  at  the  chair; 
it  was  a  fantastic  and  grim-looking  piece  of  furniture, 
certainly,  but  it  must  have  been  a  remarkably  ingenious 
and  lively  imagination,  that  could  have  discovered  any 
resemblance  between  it  and  an  old  man. 

" '  How  are  you,  old  boy  ?'  said  Tom.  He  was  bolder 
in  the  daylight —  most  men  are« 

"  The  chair  remained  motiiwless,  and  spoke  not  a 
word. 

^<  Miserable  morning,'  said  Tom.  No.  The  chair 
would  not  be  drawn  into  conversation. 

^  <  Which  press  did  you  point  to  ?  — -  you  can  tell  me 
that,'  said  Tom.  Devil  a  word,  gentlemen,  the  chair 
would  say. 

"•  ^  It's  not  much  trocdble  to  open  it,  anyhow,'  said  T6m, 
getting  out  of  bed  very  deliberately.  He  walked  up  to 
one  of  the  presses.  The  key  was  in  the  lock ;  he  turned 
it,  and  opened  the  door.  There  woi  a  pair  of  trousers 
there.  He  put  his  hand  into  the  pocket,  and  drew  Ibrtli 
the  identical  letter  the  old  gentleman  had  described ! 

^ '  Queer  sort  of  thing,  this,'  said  Tom  Smart ;  looking 
first  at  the  chair  and  then  at  the  press,  and  then  at  the 
letter  and  then  at  the  chair  again.  ^  Very  queer,'  said 
Tom.  But,  as  there  was  nothing  in  either,  to  lessen  tlie 
queemess,  he  thoiight  he  might  as  well  dress  himself, 


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286  POSTHUMOm  PAPBRS  OF 

Mid  settle  the  tall  man's  bosineds  at  onoe  — » just  to  put 
him  out  of  his  misery. 

^  Tom  surveyed  the  rooms  he  passed  through,  on  his 
way  down  stairs,  with  the  scrutinizing  eye  of  a  landlord; 
thinking  it  not  impossible,  that  before  long,  they  and 
their  contents  would  be  his  property.  The  tall  man  was 
standing  in  the  snug  little  bar,  with  his  hands  behind  him, 
quite  at  home.  He  grinned  yacantly  at  Tom.  A  casual 
observer  might  have  supposed  he  did  it  only  to  show  his 
white  teeth;  but  Tom  Smart  thought  that  a  consdous- 
uess  of  triumph  was  passing  through  the  place  where  the 
tall  man's  mind  would  have  been,  if  he  had  had  any. 
Tom  laughed  in  his  ^Eioe ;  and  summoned  the  landlady. 

^ '  Good*moming,  ma'am,'  said  Tom  jSmait,  dosing  the 
door  of  the  little  parlor  as  the  widow  entered. 

^ '  Good*moming,  sir,'  said  the  widow.  ^  What  wiU 
you  take  for  breakfast,  sir  ? ' 

*^  Tom  was  thinking  how  he  should  open  the  case,  so 
he  made  no  answer^ 

^'There's  a  very  nice  ham,'  sold  the  widow,  <and 
a  beautiful  cold  larded  fowL  Shall  I  send  'em  in, 
sir?' 

^  These  words  roused  Tom  from  his  reflocfions.  His 
admiration  of  the  widow  increased  as  she  spoke. 
Thoughtful  creature  I     (Tomfbrtable  provider! 

^'Whois  that  gentleman  in  the  bar,  ma'am  ? '  inquired 
Tom. 

^  <  His  name  it  Jenkins,  sir/  said  the  widow,  slightly 
blushing. 

<"<  He's  a  tall  man,'  said  Tom. 

^  ^  He  is  a  very  fine  man,  sir,'  replied  the  widow,  <  and 
a  very  nice  gentleman.' 

'''Ahl'  said  Tom. 


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THE  fiCKWIOK  laXOL  M7 

^^la  fhtar^  moffMng  okm  jea  1MM,  drr  ittqtdM 
the  wido^  rather  padded  hj  Tom^  wmaauL 

^'Wlij,  To^'taid  Torn.  ''UydM^wahm.i^yM 
bsLtm  iMm  kindiiM  to  lit  ^^im  te  oie  ipotiieal  7 ' 

^  The  widow  looked  much  amazed,  but  ib^  Mt  4dW% 
and  T(Mn  sat  down  too,  olne.  baiid^  iNn  I  dMi  know 
how  it  happened,  gmAismmi*^mdmA  mj  viol*  dedd  to 
tell  me  (hat  Tom  Smack  said  il#  dSdnH  kftcnr  how  it  hAj^ 
fMBod  Qithiv-**«bQt  gonslnw  or  othar  tiie  pwhn  of  Tom's 
^mi  ftU  tipoa  the  hick  #£  the  wiiaw*b  hand,  and  m- 
mained  there  while  he  tpok^ 

***Mj  dear  ma'am,'  said  Tom  flbuui*— ha  luid  al- 
wi^s  a  great  notiMt  of  otmmitling  tiie  amUile**^'!!/ 
dear  ma'am,  joti  dosefre  a  vbxj  ezsalleai  koshaad,  -^ 
yoo  do  indeed^' 

'^'Lor',  girl'  said  the  widofw-^^^as  well  she  might: 
Tom's  mode  of  commeiicin^  tha  oonir«cMion  heing  rather 
iHiaiualy  tolk  to  say  startttng}  the  feet  ef  hi^  aevev  h«^ 
iag  M  eymf  npatt  bar  bafinao  tbia  futwimm  Aigbti  behsg 
taken  into  eonsideration.    '  Lor^,  sir  I ' 

**  < Lsconiitof  ilattert  m^dear  aoabua,'  said  Tmn  Smart. 
'  You  deserve  a  yery  admirable  hashsBd^  aad  whoevif  be 
iH  hall  be  4  very  Itieky  man^'  ^  Tom  said  tii^  his 
eje  involuntarily  wandered  frmn  the  widaw**  &ee  to  the 
floo^ma  i^uod  him* 

<^The  widow  looked  more  puzzled  than  ever,  aod 
mada  mi  effort  to  riscu  Tom  gondy  pressed  her  hand;  as 
if  to  detain  her^aad  she  kfspfc  her  seat.  Widawa,  gentloi 
m^a^.  ar^  iv>t  tisuaUy  timoroM^  as^  my  micla  used'  to 
say. 

^<I  ain  sure  I  am  ^rery  muQh  obhged  to  yiauysir, for 
your  good  opimon,'  said  the  buxom  landlady,  half  ] 
mg  ^  ^  m4  ^  orapr  I  many  agaiui '  ^-^ 


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S  POBTHUMODS  PAPERS  OF 

'^  ^  Iffi  said  Tom  Smart,  lookiiig  yery  elH^wdlj  out  at 
the  right-hand  eomer  of  his  kft^TB.    '^'  — 
,    ^  ^  Well,'  said  Uie  widow,  laogliing  otttright  this  limoy 
wh&i^  I  do^  I  hqpe  I  riiall  have  as  good  a  IiqsImumI  aa 
700  descrfte.' 

<<' Jenkins,  to  wit,' said  Tom. 
.    ^ ^  Lor',  sir! '  exclaimed  the  widow. 
.    <"' Oh,  don't  tell  me,' said  Tom, 'I  know  him.' 
.  .  ^'I  am  sore  nobodj  who  knows  him  kaiows  anydriag 
hud  of  him^'  said  the  widow,  bridling  1^  at  tho  mystefi- 
ous  air  with  which  Tom  had  spoken. 

<<<  HemI'  said  Tom  Smart 

^  The  widow  began  to  think  it  was  high  time  to  orjr, 
so  she  took  out  her  handkerchief  and  inquired  whether 
Tom  wished  to  insult  her :  whether  he  thought  it  like  a 
^Bntleman  to  take  awaj  the  character  of  another  gentle- 
man behind  his  hack:  why,  if  be  had  got  anything  to 
say,  he  didn't  say  it  to  the  man,  like  a  nan,  instead  of 
terrifying  a  poor  weak  woman  in  tint  way,  aad  so 
forth. 

'''ni  sayU  to  faim  fiwt  enouc^'  said  Tom,  'only! 
want  yoa  to  hear  it  ifavt' 

«<Whatisit?'  inquired  the  widow,  kx)king  intently 
m  Tom's  countenance. 

"^  *  m  astonish  yon,'  said  Tom,  putting  his  hand  in  luf 
pocket 

<"<  If  it  is  that  he  wants  money,'  said  the  widow,  <  1 
know  that  already,  and  you  needn't  tnmUe  yourselfl' 

^  <  Pooh,  nonsense,  thaf  s  nothiiig,'  said  Tbm  Smart ; 
/  want  money.    'Ta'n't  that' 

^<<0h  dear,  what  can  it  be?'  exclaimed  the  poor 
widow. 

<<'  Don't  be  frightened^'  s^id  Tom  Smart    He  slowly 


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THB  PICKWICK  CLUB.  Mt 

draw  tbHh  flie  Mter,  ttid  uofblded  it  'Tob  worfl 
scream?'  said  Tom,  doQbtftdly. 

^<  N<H  no/  replied  the  widow ;  Met  me  see  it' 

^*  YoQ  won't  go  fidntibg  awsj^  or  mj  of  tiiat  noQ- 
Musef  said  Tom. 

"^^ No^  no,'  retamed  tiio  widow,  bastflj. 

<<  <  And  don't  nm  otit,  and  blow  him  up,'  said  TVn% 
becaose  ni  do  all  that  ftr  joa ;  jfm  bad  better  not  ex* 
ert  ]rOfii«el£' 

<<' Well,  welV  said  the  widow,  'let  me  see  it' 

**  *'  I  will,'  replied  Tom  Smart;  and,  with  these  wordsi 
he  placed  the  leiter  in  the  widow's  band. 

^  Gentlemen,  I  ha^e  heard  my  ande  say,  that  Toaft 
Smart  said,  thewidoi^s  baneiitaitions  when  she  heard  the 
disdosore  would  have  pierced  a  heart  of  stone.  Tom 
was  eertainlj  very  tender^iearted,  bat  they  pierced  liifl 
to  the  very  core.  The  widow  rocked  beradf  to  and  fto, 
and  wnmg  her  hands. 

''■Oh,  Che  deception  and  Tillany  of  mani'  said  the 
widow. 

« •  Frightflil,  my  dear  ma'am ;  hot  compose  yooiself,' 
saidTbm  Smart 

'''Oh,  I  cant  oompooe  myself'  shrieked  the  widow* 
'  I  sbaH  ncTer  find  any  one  dbe  I  can  k>Te  so  much ! '    - 

"'  Oh  yes  you  will,  my  dear  sool,'  said  Tom  Smart, 
letting  fall  a  diower  of  the  laigesi  siaed  tears,  in  pit^  for 
the  widow's  misfortones.  Tom  Smart,  in  the  energy  of  his 
compassion,  had  put  his  arm  round  the  widow's  waist  \  and 
the  widow,  in  a  passion  of  grief,  had  clasped  Tom's  hand. 
She  looked  up  in  Toai's  fine,  aad  smiled  through  her 
tears.   Tom  looked  down  inheres,  and  smiled  throoghhis.' 

"I  nerer  eoidd  find  out,  gentlemen,  whethw  Tom 
iid  or  did  not  kiss  the  widow  at  that  particulair  moment 

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iM  POSTHUMOUS  r  AFEIS  OF 

Bb  ml  t6  teU  my  oiud^  he  ttfa%  fasi  I  binre  nr  d«i*«l 
aboat  it  Between  ounekefy  fOBdeneAi  I  mth^r  Uunk 
he  did. 

«iAfc  «U  eraili,  Tom  Uekod  the  verir  Ml  mm  iMl  at 
the  front  door  half  an  boor  after,  and  iMnried  (he  ^fid^v 
a  month  after. .  Ami  iwtxmi  WiAwe  about  IhejQppntry, 
wilfc  the  ebiffOilaited  gig'wilh  tiie  jr6dwh0»W«Rd  the 
vxMAiah  nmttmMk  the  fittt  ptte^  tiU  he  girrp  op  huii- 
ness  manj  years  afterwards,  and  went  to  Fvanee  witli 
his  wife  rand  thsD  thl&  oU  hoase  'wm  palled  d^mo/ 


*^  Wm  jroQ  allow  me  to  Mk  yon^'*  said  the  iaqiiiiiti?s 
aid  geodenura,  <<  what  became  of  the  chair?" 

^Whj^"  levied  te  mie«ii)r»d  iMgmaa,  «Jt  was  ob* 
aen^ed  to  creidi  ^aiy  mach  on  the  da{f  ef  the  wedding } 
hot  Tom  Sinart  conldn't  si^  for  oertain,  whether  It  waa 
witti  pleamuB  or  bodily  mfhrnti^.  He  rather  tboni^  il 
was  the  latter,  though,  for  it  never  sfNte  afWrwarda»* 

«STerybody  beheyed  the  Mary^didn't  tibey?"  said  the 
dirty-&oed  man,  refilling  his  pipe. 

*^  Bxcept  Tom'a  enemiea,"  replied  the  hflffom*  ^Some 
of  '«m  said  Tom  inyented  it  altogether ;.  and  otben  laid 
he  was  dronk,  and  fimoiBd  it,  and  got  hoid  of  tb»  wrong 
IroQsen  by  miatake  before  he  went  to  bed*  But  no- 
ksij  eyev  ttiindad  ^ihat  t%  amd." 

«<  Tom  said  it  was  aU  tnm?  " 

«  Evory  word.'' 

«  And  your  onde?" 

^ETeiy  letter.* 

f^Thejmnst  hare  bean  moe  mtti^  both  of  ^emj"  laii 
the  dirty^fteed  man. 

"'Tea,  they  were,"  re^ed  the  bagaum;  '<yeiy  nkM 
iindeedr 


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\  ' 


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PAPERS 


K    CLUB. 


▼viAiaji  u. 


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by  Google 


I  ■-     -  •         \  ' 


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PAPERS 


K    CLUB. 


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POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS 
THE  PICKWICK  CLUB 


CHAPTER  XV. 

Ql  WHICH  18  GIVEN  A  FAITHFUL  PORTRAXTURB  OF 
TWO  DI8TIN6UI8HED  PERSONS;  AND  AN  ACCURATE 
DESCRIPTION  OF  A  PUBLIC  BREAKFAST  IN  THEIR 
HOUSE  AND  GROUNDS  ;  WHICH  PUBLIC  BREAKFAST 
LEADS  TO  THE  RECOGNITION  OF  AN  OLD  ACQUAINT- 
ANCE, AND  THE  COMMENCEMENT  OF  ANOTHER 
CHAPTER. 

Mr.  Pickwick's  conscience  had  been  somewhat  re- 
proaching him,  fot  his  recent  n^lect  of  his  friends  at 
the  Peacock ;  and  he  was  just  on  the  point  of  walking 
forth  in  quest  of  them,  on  the  third  morning  after  the 
election  had  terminated,  when  his  faithful  valet  put  into 
his  hand  a  card,  on  which  was  engraved  the  following 
inscription. 

Hits.  JUo  Ittuntct. 

^  Person's  a-waidn*,**  sud  Sam,  epigrammaticallj. 
^Does   the  person  want  me,  Sam?"  inquired  Mr. 
Pi<:kwick. 


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8  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

^  He  wants  joa  particklar ;  and  no  one  elsell  do,  as 
the  Deyil's  private  secretary  said,  yen  he  fetched  avay 
Doctor  FaostuS)"  fepUed  Mr.  Welter 

^  He.    Is  it  a  gentleman  ?  ^  sidd  Mr.  Pickwick. 

^  A  werj  good  imitation  £  one,  if  it  a'n't,**  repfied  Mr. 
Weller. 

<<  Bat  litis  is  a  lady^  ^tt^**  said  Mr.  Pickwick. 

*^  Given  me  bj  a  genTm'n,  hows'ever,"  replied  Sam, 
^and  he's  a-waidn'  in  the  drawing-room — said  he'd 
rather  wait  all  dajr,  than  not  see  qron." 

Mr.  Pickwick,  oh  hearing  this  determination,  descended 
U>  the  drawing-room,  where  sat  a  grave  man,  who  started 
op  on  his  entrance,  and  said,  with  cm  air  of  profound  re- 
spect,— 

•*Mr.  Pickwick,  I  presume?" 

«  The  same," 

^  Allow  me,  sir,  the  honor  of  grasping  your  hand  •^- 
permit  me,  sir,  to  shake  it,"  said  the  grave  man* 

«  Certwnly,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick.  \ 

The  stranger  sbo^k  the  extended  hand,  and  then  con- 
tinued. 

^  We  have  heaid  of  your  fiune,  sir.  The  noise  of 
your  antiquarian  discussion  has  reached  the  ears  of  Mrs. 
Iieo  Hunter  -^  my  wife,  sir ;  /  am  Mr.  Leo  Hunter  "  — 
the  stranger  paused,  as  if  he  expected  that  Mr.  Pick- 
wick  would  be  overcome  by  the  disclosure ;  but  seeing 
that  he  remained  perfectly  calm,  proceeded : 

^  My  wife,  sir  — ^Mm«  lioo  Hunter  —  is  proud  to  num- 
ber among  her  acquaintance  all  those  who  have  rendered 
themselves  celebrated  by  their  works  and  talents.  P«^ 
mit  me,  sir,  to  pbice  in  a  oonspicuous  part  of  the  list  the 
name  of  Mr»  Pickwick,  and  his  brother  members  of  the 
dub  that  derives  its  name  from  him." 


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TES  PICKWICK  CLUB.  9 

^I  skaU  biB  extiteindy  hfif^y  to  maioe  flw  aoqaaint^^ 
of  siieh  a  hdjj  sov"  replied  Hr.  Fkkwu^ 

^  You  shtdl  make  it,  ab,"  aaid  tha  girn^e  man.  ^  To- 
morrow morning,  sir,  we  give  a  pnblio  breakfast-— a /Sli 
champitre  to  a  great  number  of  those  who  have  rendered 
diemselves  celebrated  bj  their  works  and  talents.  Peiv 
mit  Mrs.  Leo  Hunter,  iii^  to  kaTO  tha  gratificati<m  of 
leeing  you  at  the  Den." 

**  TVith  great  pleasure,^  replied  Mr.  Pickwick. 

^  Mrs.  Leo  Hunter  has  aoaaj  of  Aeae  breaktets,  stt*," 
resumed  the  new  ae<|aaintaDoe,  «-^^ '  feasts  of  reaeon^  dr, 
and  flows  of  souV  as  somebody  who  wrote  a  sdmet  to 
Mfs.  Leo  Hunter  on  her  bvedLfksts,  fMingly  and  orig- 
inally observed." 

""  Was  he  celebraled  fcr  hii  woiks,  and  telonts  ?"*  in- 
quired Mr.  Piekwiok. 

^  He  was,  sir,"  replied  the  grave  man ;  ^  all  Mrs.  Leo 
Hunter^s  acquaintance  are;  it  is  her  ambition,  sir,  to 
have  no  other  acquaintanoe." 

'^  It  is  a  very  n<^Me  ambition,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick. 

^  When  I  inform  Mrs.  Leo  Hunter  that  that  remark 
fell  from  your  li^  silr,  tfie  will  indeed  be  prend,'*  tidd  the 
gntfve  man*  ^  Y#u  have  a  gentleman  m  your  irainy 
who  has  prodaoed  some  beautiful  tittle  poems,  I  think, 
•in" 

^  My  friend  Mr.  Snodgrass  has  a  gteat  tasia  far  poe* 
try,"  replied  Mr.  Pickwick. 

<^8o  hm  Mis.  Leo  Hooter,  tir.  She  defies  cm  poetry, 
sir.  She  adores  it ;  I  may  say  that  her  whole  aool  aiid 
annd  aire  wound  «p  and  entwined  With  il»  SiM  has  pro- 
duced some  delightfol  pieces  hersc^  sir.  Ton  may  hmrO 
QMt  mUk  her/  Ode  to  as  etpiring  Fh)g»'  ebnJ^ 

**  i  im't  think  I  hute^"  said  Mi.  Pickmdc 


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10  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

^  You  astonish  me,  sir,"  said  Mr.  Leo  Hanter.    ^  II 
nreated  an  immense  sensation.    It  was  signed  with  an 
L  *  and  eight  stars,  and  i4>peared  originallj  in  a  Lady's 
liagazine.     It  commenced 

'  Can  I  view  thee  panting,  luring 

On  thj  stomach,  without  aighhig; 

Can  I  unmoTed  see  thee  dying 
On  a  log, 
Expiring  fkogi  *  '* 

«  Beautiful  P  said  Mr.  Pickwick. 
^  Fine,"  said  Mr.  Leo  Hunter,  ^  so  simple." 
«  Very,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick. 

**  The  next  verse  is  still  more  touching.    Shall  I  ra* 
peatit?** 
« If  you  please,"  said  Mr.  Rokwick. 
**  It  runs  thus,"  said  the  grave  man,  still  more  gravely. 

*  Saj,  have  fiends  m  shape  of  bojs, 
With  wUd  halloo,  and  brutal  noise, 
Hunted  thee  from  manhy  joys, 
With  a  dog, 
Bxpfaingftog!*** 

^  Finely  expressed,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick. 

*^  All  pmnt,  sir,  all  point,"  said  Mr.  Leo  Hunt^,  ^  bml 
you  shall  hear  Mrs.  Leo  Hunter  repeat  it  She  can  do 
justice  to  it,  sir.  She  will  repeat  it,  in  character,  sir,  to- 
morrow morning." 

**  In  character  I " 

«As  Minerva.  But  I  foigot  — ifs  a  fypacj  drest 
breakfast." 

^  Dear  me,"  said  Mr.  Pidcwick,  glancing  at  Ins  own 
6gure  —  **  I  can't  possibly  " — 

<<  Can't,  sir;  can't!"  exdaimed  Mr.  Leo  Hanter. 
*  Solomon  Lucas,  the  Jew  in  the  High  Street,  has  Aoo- 


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THR  FKXWICK  CLUB.  11 

sandB  «f  fimcj  dresses.  ContMery  skv  how  many  appro- 
priate characters  are  open  for  your  selectioii.  Plato^ 
Zeno,  Epicurus,  Pythagoras  ^»  all  founders  of  clubs." 

^  I  know  that,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick ;  ^  but  as  I  cannot 
pot  myself  in  competition  with  those  great  men,  I  can* 
not  presume  to  wear  their  dresses." 

The  grave  man  considered  deeply,  for  a  few  seconds, 
and  then  said,  -— 

**  On  reflection,  sir,  I  don't  know  whether  it  would  not 
afford  Mrs.  Leo  Hunter  greater  pleasure  if  her  guests 
saw  a  gentleman  of  your  celebri^  in  his  own  costume, 
rather  than  in  an  assumed  one,  I  may  yientore  to  prom- 
ise an  exception  in  your  case,  sir — yes,  I  am  quite  cer- 
tain that  on  behalf  of  Mrs.  Leo  Hunter  I  may  venture 
to  do  so." 

''In  that  case,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick,  ^1  shall  haye 
great  pleasure  in  coming." 

*^  But  I  waste  your  time,  sir,"  said  the  grave  man,  as 
if  suddenly  recollecting  himself.  ^  I  know  its  value,  sir. 
I*  win  not  detain  you.  I  may  tell  Mrs.  Leo  Hunter, 
then,  that  she  may  ccmfidently  expect  you  and  your  dis- 
tinguished frienda?  Good-morning,  sir,  I  am  proud  to 
have  hdLM  so  eminent  a  personage — not  a  step,  sir; 
not  a  word."  And  without  giving  Mr.  Pickwick  time  to 
aflfor  remonstrance  or  denial,  Mr.  Leo  Hunter  stalked 
gravely  away. 

Mr.  Pickwick  took  up  his  hat,  and  repaired  to  the 
Peacock,  but  Mr«  Winkle  had  conv^ed  the  intelligence 
of  the  &Bcy  ball  there,  before  him. 

*^  Mrs.  Pottos  going,"  were  the  first  words  witik  which 
he  saluted  his  leader. 

''Is  she?"  said  Mr.  Pidcwick. 

"As  ApoUo,"  replied  Mr.  Winkle.  "Oi^  Pott  ob- 
jects to  the  tunic" 

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It  voenxmom -fMmam  Of 

<<HeiBifghL    H«i0l|liiteiriglit,''8aU  Mi^PftcMA 

^  Yqa; — 80  sbeV  going  lo  wear  a  ^hite  salim  gowm 
jiril&  g(4d  spangle^.'* 

.    "^TbfQrll  luttdlj  knoir  whai  •ha't  meant  §n^  iriH 
thej?"  inqaired Mr.  Snodgraa&i 

<"()£  cmrse  ihej  wiU,*  rC^i^ied  Mr.  WinUe  iadi«nint- 
ly.    «  Theyll  see  her  lyre,  won't  they  ?** 

^  True ;  I  fitfgot  that^**  iaM  Md.  Snodgnns. 

<<l8]>aa  goaaaBai:^''ia(erpo8edMB:To^Buiii. 

^WhatP  said  Mzw  PidtwidE,  wifli  a  sadden  start 

<"  As  a  handiif"  lepeUed  Mr.  Tupmaa,  nuldlyw 

<<  Ton  don't  mean  to  say,"  said  Mn.  Pidcwick,  ganBg 
wUb  8<^emn  sienmasd  at  his  hkaid,  ^  -You  don^  swan 
to  say,  Mr.  Tupman,  that  it  is  yoor  intentibn  to  pot 
yontsiilf  inft>  a  gvetti  vehtt  jsioket,,  wiih  a  two^nch 
tail?" 

"^Sm^h  %9  my  itttaatfon,  sir,"  rqpHed  Mr.:  Toyman 
warmly.    « Asd iTl^not^ sir?" 

^  Bmuu4  8tr/^  said  Mr«  Pidowid^  aoniaictoabiy  e^ 
oitnd»    ^  Baooase  yoa  atrs  l6o  old,  sir." 

«« Too  oUl"  eadain^  Mr.  Tinman. 

<<  And  i£  any  fiirther  gsoond  of  tkyebdm  bo  wantiD|^^ 
eanAtoQA  Mif.  HckMiok^M  jomaroitoo  £»!»  dr." 

^  8ir,"  saU  Mr.  TbpiiftBi,liia&ceaaffbBad  wiHi  a  cnsa* 
son  glow.    ^  This  is  an  insult" 

<'8ir,"i!efKedMivKdkwi^  m  4ka  same  lodi,  <<1kis 
aot  half  ikb  insult  to  you;  tirint  yaajftip^ianAo^  in  aay 
presence  in  a  green  Yohiet  jtudktotj  witii  m  two4bch  td^ 
vrwdd  kaloins^" 

"^  Sir,"  said  Mr.  Topman,  «  you're  a  Mow." 

^  Sir,"  said  Mr.  Piokidok^  <^you'ra  aaotherl  * 

16k  Tu|iMm  advancad  a  step  or  two;  and  gkaved  at 
Mr.  Pickwick.    Mr.  Pickwick  return^  ^m  glare,  ana* 

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T^  PICKWICK  CaUB.  18 

into  a  teas  hy  aesMctf  kk  ipeetocfat,  and 
bMathdb  i^  Wd  dtittiot.  Mr.  8no4gran  mI  Mr^ 
Winkle  looked  on,  petrified  at  bdnldag  mdk  a  aoena 
between  twoo  sooh  wctu  . 

<<  Sir,'*  said  Mr.  Tupman,  after  a  ahort  panse,  ^maWafl 
ia  a  low,  daep  tk^  ^^joa  haine  eatted  laaoAd*** 

<  I  have,"  Mid  Mr.  PiokwMEL 

^'And  fet** 

<<  I  xeHeiate  the  ehailge.'' 

-AndafeUwr,'' 

"Soyouare!" 

These  WM  a  ftarU  paaae. 

«Mj  attachoMAt  to  your  penon,  or,*  said  Mr.  Ttfp- 
OMW,  speaking  in  a  vdoe  traniik>iQi  widi  emotkmj  abd 
tnokitig  up  falfl  wristibands  tneaawhiky  ^is  great -^  very 
great — hat  upon  Ihat  p^nonl  must  take  somiaaiy  yen^ 
feaaoes* 

<<Come  en,  sSrl"  icfdied  Mr.  Pickwiek.  Sdmalaled 
hff  the  exeitaag  natare  of  the  dialogue,  the  keroie  man 
ictoallj  threw  himself  into  a  paraljrtie  attitude^  oonfi*' 
dently  supposed  fay  tiie  two  bynrtanders  to  have  been  ia^ 
tended  as  a.peetiM  ef  defence. 

<<Whatl.''  exdaimedMr.  Snedgrasi,  sQddei^  teoovefw 
iag  the  power  ef  speeoh^  of  idiioh  faitense  asteaishmMt 
btd  preiviowly  bereft  lum,  and  rasUag  between  the  twoy 
at  ihe  imminent  haaaed  of  reeerrmg  aa  appQcaticHi  ea 
Ike  temple  from  eaihy  <«  What  1  Mn  Fiekwiok,  with  the 
fyee  of  the  world  upon  you  I  Mr*  V^^maa  I  wHo,  in 
tommon  with  us  all,  derives  a  lastre  ftom  his  andying 
name  I    For  shame,  gentlemen  i  in  shamoi* 

The  ttawtented  lines  which  memealaiy  paseioa  had 
ruled  in  Mr.  Pickwldc's  clear  and  q»ea  brow,  gradnatty 
Skated  a^ipy^  a^  hk  young  friend  spoke,  like  the  onrka 


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lA  POSIfiUMOnS  PAPEB8  OF 

of  a  blackhead  peacU  boieath  die  •oftening infliwotecf 
India  rubber.  His  eounftoianoe  had  resuaei  ito  uaoal 
benign  expression^  tre  he  coneluded. 

^I  have  been  hasty,"  said  Mr.  Pidcwick,  *^rerj  hastj* 
Tupman;  jour  hand.'' 

The  dark  shadow  pawed  fixxm  Mr.  l^maa's  fiiee^  ai 
he  wannlj  graq>ed  the  hand  of  bis  ficiend. 

"  I  have  been  hasty  too,"  said  he. 

<<  No,  no,"  interrupted  Mr.  Pickwick,  <<the  fimltwaa 
mine.    Tou  will  wear  the  green  yelvet  jacket?  " 

'^  No,  no,"  replied  Mr.  Tupman. 

^  To  oblige  me,  you  will,"  resomed  Mr.  Pickwidu 

«  WeB,  w^U,  I  will,"  said  Mr.  Tupman. 
.  It  was  aecordingly  settled  that  Mr.  Tupman,  Mr. 
Winkle,  and  Mr.  Snodgrass  should  all  wear  fancy  dre8»- 
es.  Thus  Mr.  Pickwick  was  led  by  the  yery  warmth  of 
his  own  good  feelings  to  give  his  consent  to  a  proceeding 
from  which  his  better  judgment  would  have  recoiled —  a 
more  striking  illustration  of  his  amiable  dMUnet^  could 
hardly  have  been  conceived,  even  if  the  events  recorded 
in  these. pages  had  been  wholly  imaginary. 

Mr.  Leo  Hunter  had  not  exaggerated  the  reeoorees  ol 
Mr.  Sok)mon  Lucas.  His  wardrobe  was  extensive  — 
veiy  ext«D8tve*-not  strictly  clasincal  periiaps,  not  quSla 
new,  nor  did  it  contain  any  one  garment  made  predsely 
alter  the  fkshioa  x>£  any  age  or  lime,  but  everything  waa 
more  or  leM  spangled ;  and  what  can  be  prettier  than 
span^^t  It  may  be  objected  that  they  are  not  adapted 
tQ  the  daylight»  but  everybody  knows  that  they  would 
glitter  if  there  were  lamps ;  and  nothing  caa  be  clearer 
than  that  if  people  give  fimcy  balk  in  the  daytime,  and 
tlie  dresses  do  not  show  quite  as  wdl  as  they  would  by 
night,  the  fault  lies  solely  with  the  peq4e  who  give  the 


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THB  PICKWICK  CLUB.  U 

boiej  ballB,  and  is  kmo  wise  chavgetUe  on  tlie  mmngjefc 
Snoh  was  the  oonviiicmg  reasoning  of  Mr.  Solomon  Lo- 
eas ;  and  inflaeneed  by  such  aignments  did  Mr.  Tupman, 
Mr.  Winkle^  and  Mr.  Snodgrass  engage  to  array  them- 
selves in  oostomes  whidi  his  taste  and  experience  induced 
him  to  reeommeod  as  admirablj  suited  to  the  oocamn. 

A  carriage  was  hired  from  the  Town  Arms,  for  the  a(y 
eommodation  of  the  Pickwickians,  and  a  chariot  was  or- 
dered from  the  same  repository,  for  the  purpose  of  con- 
▼ejing  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Pott  to  Mrs.  Leo  Hunter^s  grounds, 
which  Mr.  Pott,  as  a  deHcate  acknowledgment  of  having 
received  an  invitation^  had  already  confidently  predicted 
in  the  EatanswiU  Gazette  ^  would  present  a  scene  of  va- 
ried and  delicious  enchantment — a  bewildering  oorusca- 
tion  of  beautf  and  tijent — a  lavish  and  prodigal  display 
of  hospitality  —  above  all,  a  degree  of  splendor  softened 
by  the  most  ezqui^te  taste ;  and  adornment  reteed  with 
perfect  hammiy  and  the  chastest  good-keeping — com- 
pared with  which,  the  fabled  goigeoosness  of  Bastem 
Faby  Land  itself  woidd  appear  to  be  dothed  in  as  many 
dark  and  murky  colors,  as  must  be  the  mind  of  the 
qslenetic  and  unmanly  being  who  could  presume  to  taint 
with  the  venom  of  hh  envy,  the  preparations  making  by 
the  virtuous  and  highly  distinguidied  lady,  at  whose 
shrine  this  hmnble  tribute  of  admiration  was  offered.* 

This  last  was  a  piece  of  biting  sarcasm  against  the  Li- 
dcpendoit,  who  in  consequence  of  not  having  been  in- 
vited at  Mf  had  been  through  fear  numbers  affecting  to 
snear  ai  the  whole  affisur,  in  his  very  hirgest  type,  with  aD 
Hbe  ac^ectives  in  ea|ntal  letters. 

The  morning  came ;  it  was  a  pleasant  sight  to  behold 
Mr.  Tupman  hi  fhU  Brigand's  costume,  with  a  very  tight 
jacket)  mttii^;  like  a  pincushion  over  his  back  and  shoid' 


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it  P06Tau2iH)ns  TArem  of 


iertt  the  uppmt  poHiQii  of  las  legs  eacMed  in  the >drdl 
aluirtiV  and  Ihe  lower  pari  thereof  swathed  la  the  oom« 
plicated  bandages  lo  which  all  Brigands  are  peculiarly 
attached*  It  was  pleasing  to  see  his  qpen  and  ingenuoiM 
eoantenance,  well  mustachioed  and  eorkied,  looking  out 
from  an  open  shirt  collar ;  and  to  oopteafiplate  the  sugar* 
loaf  hat,  decorated  with  ribbcHis  of  aH  colors^  wUch  he  was 
oompeUed  to  carry  on  his  knee,  inasmuch  as  no  koown 
conveyance  with  a  top  to  it,  would  admit  of  any  iun'a 
carrying  it  between  bis  head  aad  Ihe  rjQo£  E<|BaHy  hn^ 
moroue  and  agreeable,  was  the  appearance  df  libr.  Saod* 
grass  in  blue  satin  trunks  and  doak,  white  silk  tights  and 
shoes,  and  Grecian  helmet:  which  ererykody  knows 
(and  if  they  do  not,  Mr.  Solomoo  liuoas  dad)  to  havo 
been  the  regular,  authentie^  every-day  dostoune  of  a  Tioa^ 
badonr,  from  the  earliest  ages  down  to  the  time  of  theb 
final  disi^^arance  from  the  face  of  the  earth.  All  this 
was  pleasant,  but  this  was  as  nothing  eompared  with  the 
shouting  of  the  populace  when  the  carriage  drew  up,  fae« 
hind  Mr,  Pott's  chariot,  which  chariot  ilseif  doew  up  at 
Hr.  Pott's  door,  which  door  itself  qtened,  and  dtspl^^ 
the  great  Pott  accoutred  as  a  Bassiaa  ofilcer  of  juados^ 
inth  a  tremendous  knout  in  Us  hand-^  tastefoUy  tjpioal 
of  the  stem  aad  mighty  power  of  t^e  Eatanswill  Q** 
zette,  and  the  fearful  lashings  it  bestowed  on  public  dt* 
tenders. 

^<  Br^Fo! "  shouted  Mk.  Tupman  aad  .M&  Soodgvasft 
from  the  passage,  when  they  beheld  tfa#  walkipg  alia* 
gory. 

<^  Bravo  ! "  Mr.  Pickwick  was  heard  to  exclaim  from 
the  passage. 

^  Hoo  r-  roar  Pott  I "  shouted  the  pofulaos^  AmNl 
these  salutations,  Mr.  Pott,  smiling;  with  that  kind  of 


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t«B  WG«WICK  CLtB-  IT 

VitaA  SgtAiy  yAiitk  snflciently  iMtiflei  that  he  fHt  hia 
power,  and  knew  bow  to  exert  it,  got  into  the  dmiiot. 

Then  there  emerged  from  the  bouse,  Mrs.  Pott,  who 
wotiM  hare  looked  vety  like  Afwllo  if  she  hadn't  had  a 
gown  on :  oonducted  by  Mr.  Winkle,  who  in  his  li^^t* 
rod  coat,  oould  not  possibly  haTe  beisn  mistaken  for  any- 
fhitig  but  a  sportsman,  tf  he  had  not  bonie  an  eqnal  re- 
semblanoe  to  a  general  postman.  Last  of  aU  oame  Mr. 
PiekwiK^,  whom  the  bojs  applauded  as  londly  as  any- 
body, ptobaMy  under  the  impression  that  his  ti^ts  and 
gaiters  were  dbme  renmants  of  the  darii  ages ;  and  then 
(he  two  vehicles  proceeded  towards  Mrs.  Lee  Hmiter's  s 
M>.  Weller  (who  was  to  assist  in  waiting)  being  sta- 
tioned on  the  box  of  tiiait  in  which  his  master  was  seated. 

Every  one  of  llie  men,  woMen,  boys,  girls,  and  babies, 
wbo  were  assembled  to  see  the  viators  in  their  fancy 
dresses,  sereamed  with  delight  and  ecstasy,  when  Mr. 
Pickwick,  with  the  Brigmd  on  one  arm,  and  the  Troa- 
badonr  on  the  other,  walked  sdenmly  np  the  entrance. 
Neter  were  snoh  shouts  heaird  as  those  which  greeted 
Mr.  Tnpman'i  eflbrta  to  fix  the  sugar-loaf  hat  on  his 
bead,  by  way  of  estedng  tibe  garden  in  style. 

The  preparations  were  on  the  most  delightful  scale  i 
ftilly  realiKiBg  the  piophetic  Pott's  anticipations  about 
the  gorgeooBness  of  SaBtem  Fairy-land,  and  at  once 
affording  a  sufficient  contatMfictaon  Co  the  malignant  state- 
ments ef  the  reptile  ladependent  The  groundl  trere 
■KR^  tkkii  an  aere  and  a  quarter  in  extent,  and  they 
wer3  filled  with  people  I  Never  was  such  a  blaae  of 
beaa^,  aiid  ftshion,  and  literature.  There  was  the 
young  lady  who  ^did"  the  poetry  in  the  EatanswiU  6a- 
aalte,  in  tlie  gaib  of  a  sultana,  leaning  upon  the  arm  of 
the  young  gentleman  who  ^  did  "  the  review  departmenli 
VOL.  XI.  a 

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18  POSTHUMOUS  PAPKRS  OF 

and  who  was  i^propriately  habited  in  a  fiaJd-mardiaTw 
uniform — the  boots  excepted.  There  were  hosts  of 
these  geniuses,  and  any  reasonable  person  would  have 
thought  it  honor  enough  to  meet  them.  But  more  than 
these,  there  were  half  a  dozen  lions  from  London  —  an- 
thers, real  authors,  who  had  written  whole  books,  and 
printed  them  afterwards —  and  here  you  might  see  'em, 
walking  about,  like  ordinary  men,  smiling,  and  talking — 
ay,  and  talking  pretty  considerable  nonsense  too,  no  doubt 
with  the  benign  intention  of  rendering  themselves  intel* 
ligible  to  the  common  people  about  them.  Moreover, 
there  was  a  band  of  music  in  pasteboard  ci^;  four 
something-ean  singers  in  the  costume  of  th^  country, 
and  a  dozen  hired  waiters  in  the  costume  of  tkeir  coun- 
try —  and  very  dirty  costume  too.  And  above  all,  there 
was  Mrs.  Leo  Hunter  in  the  character  of  Minerva,  re* 
ceiving  the  company,  and  overflowing  with  pride  and 
gratification  at  the  notion  of  having  called  such  distin- 
guished  individuals   together. 

'^Mr.  Pickwick,  ma'am,**  said  a  servant,  as  that  got^ 
tleman  approached  the  presiding  goddess,  with  his  bat  in 
his  hand,  and  the  IMgand  and  IVoobadour  on  either 
arm. 

^Whail  Where!"  exclaimed  Mrs.  Leo  Qunter, 
starting  up,  in  an  affected  rapture  of  surprise. 

«  Here,"  said  Mr.  Pickwidc 

^Is  it  possible  that  I  have  really  the  gratification  of 
beholding  Mr.  Pickwick  himself  1 "  ejaculated  Mrs.  Leo 
Hunter. 

'^No  other,  ma'am,"  replied  Mr.  Pickwick,  bowing 
very  low.  ^^  Permit  me  to  introduce  my  friends  —  Mr. 
Tupman  —  Mr.  Winkle  —  Mr.  Snodgrass — to  the  au- 
thoress of '  The  Expiring  Frog.' " 


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THft  nOKWlCK.  CLUB.  19 

Very  few  people  bat  those  who  have  tried  it,  know 
what  a  difficult  process  it  is  to  bow  in  green  veiyet 
smalls,  and  a  tight  jacket,  and  high-crowned  hat :  or  in 
blue  satin  trunks  and  white  silks :  or  knee-cords  and  top* 
b«ots  that  were  never  made  for  the  wearer,  and  have 
been  fixed  upon  him  without  the  remotest  reference  to 
the  comparative  dimensions  of  himself  and  the  suit. 
Never  were  such  distortions  as  Mr*  Tupman's  frame  un* 
derwent  in  his  efforts  to  i^pear  easy  and  graceful^- 
never  was  such  ingenious  posturing,  as  his  fancj-dressed 
friends  exhibited. 

''Mr.  Pickwick,"  said  Mrs.  Leo  Hunter,  ^I  nmst 
make  you  promise  not  to  stir  from  mj  side  the  whole 
day.  Thwe  are  hundreds  of  pe<^le  here,  that  I  must 
positively  introduce  you  to*" 

^  You  are  very  kind,  ma'am,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick. 

"  In  the  first  place,  here  are  my  little  girls ;  I  had  al- 
most forgotten  them,"  said  Minerva,  carelessly  pointing 
towards  a  couple  of  full-grown  young  ladies,  of  whom  <me 
might  be  about  twenty,  and  the  other  a  year  or  two 
older,  and  who  were  dressed  in  very  juvenile  costumes 
—  whether  to  make  them  look  young,  or  their  mamma 
younger,  Mr.  Pickwick  dpes  not  distinctly  inform  us. 

**  They  are  very  beautiful,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick,  as  the 
juveniles  turned  away,  after  being  presented. 

^They  are  very  like  their  mamma,  sir,"  said  Mr. 
PotI,  nu^jesiioaUy. 

^  Oh  you  naugb^  man,"  ezdaimed  Mrs.  Leo  Hunter, 
playfully  tapping  the  Editor's  arm  with  her  fim.  (Mi^ 
oerva  with  a  fan  I ) 

"  Why  now,  my  dear  Mrs.  Hunter,"  said  Mr.  Pott, 
who  was  trumpeter  in  ordinary  at  the  Den,  ''  you  hum 
that  when  your  picture  was  in  the  Exhibition  of  the 


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20  POSTHUMOUS  PARRS  OF 

Royal  Academy,  last  year,  everybodf  inquiral  wbelher 
it  was  intended  for  yon,  or  your  youngest  daughter ;  ftr 
you  were  so  mnch  alike  tlmt  there  was  no  telling  the  di^ 
toence  between  you* 

^  Well,  and  if  they  did,  why  need  you  repeat  it  before 
fttrangers?**  said  Mrs.  Leo  Huntet^  bestowing  anoth^ 
tap  on  the  slumbering  lion  (^the  EatanswiU  Gttsette. 

'  Gonnt,  Orant,**  screamed  Mrs.  Leo  Hunter  to  a  wd 
whiskered  indiriduid  in  a  foreign  unifonn,  who  was  pafl»* 
fag  by. 

^  Ah !  you  want  me  ?  **  said  the  Count,  tumfag  back* 

<*  I  want  to  fatroduee  two  very  clever  people  to  each 
other,"  said  Mrs.  Leo  Hunter.  ^  Mr.  Pickwiek,  I  \mw% 
great  pleasure  in  introducing  you  to  Count  Smorlt<»^.* 
She  added  in  a  hurried  whisper  to  Mr.  Pickwick  —  **  tii# 
famous  foreigner  —  gathering  materials  for  his  gfteat 
work  on  England  —  hem !  —  Count  SloikM'hofk,  Mr. 
Pickwick.* 

Mr.  Pickwick  saluted  the  Conat  with  all  the  reverene# 
due  to  80  great  a  man,  and  the  Count  drew  forth  a  set  of 
tablets. 

''What  you  say,  Mrs.  Hunt?*  mqukred  the  Oooiit^ 
smiling  graciously  on  the  gratified  Mrs.  Leo  Hmlei^ 
•*Pig  Vig  or  Big  Vig — what  you  call  —  Lawyer— 
eh?  I  see  — that  is  it.  Big  ^* — aad  the  Couot 
was  proceeding  to  enter  Mr.  Pidtwick  in  his  tablet^  as  a 
gentleman  of  the  long-robe,  who  derived  his  name  fitoio 
the  profession  to  which  he  belonged^  when  Mrs.  Leo 
Hunter  interposed. 

«  No,  no.  Count,"  said  the  lady,  **  Pick-wick.* 

<"  Ah,  ah,  I  see,"  replied  the  Count  ^  Peek  — Chri^ 
tian  name  ;  Weeks  —  surname;  good^  ver  good*  Peek 
Weeks.     How  you  do^  Weeks  ?  " 


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THE  PICKWim  GLUB^  81 

<<  Qttite  well,  I  thank  joo,"  rc|iBed  Mr.  Piekwicky  witi 
ftU  hit  usoal  lAbiMtj.  ^  n«Fe'*jcm  been  long  in  Engi> 
kind?'' 

*^  Long  -^  ver  long  tiiae  -^  loHnight  4**  merec'* 

^Do  70a  atay  hereloiig?'' 

«Oneweek/' 

«  Ton  will  have  enoogh  to  46,"  said  Mr.  Pickvnck, 
gmiling,  ^  to  gather  all  the  materials  70a  want,  in  tihal 
time." 

«  Eh,  thaj  are  gathered,"  said  the  Conat. 

"  Indeed  F"  said  Mr.  Pickwick. 

^Thej  are  hete,"  added  the  Coont^  tapping  his 
forehead  aigniAoantlf.  '^Lacrge  book  at  home*-^fiiB 
of  notes  —  music,  picture,  science,  potrj,  p<^tie}  all 
twigB.'' 

^The  word  polities,  sir,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick,  <<eQm«> 
prises,  in  ilaelf,  a  diAeuit  stody  o£  no  iaeonsidenihlt 
■lagnitude." 

.  *^  Ah  I "  said  the  Cbunt,  drawmg  out  the  ti^»lets  againi 
^ver  good *^ fine  wcrds  to  begin  a  chapter.  Chapter 
fortj-eeveo.  Poltae&  The  wocd  pohic  surprises  bf 
himadf  "*^  And  down  went  Mr.  Pickwick's  remark,  ta 
Gount  Smoritock's  tablets,  with  suioh  Tariations  and  addi» 
liotts  as  the  Oouat^a  exuberant  hxtej  suggested,  or  his 
faapec^t  knoiidedge  of  the  laagoage  occasioned. 

«"  Oonmi,"  said  lOan.  Im  Hnnterw 

^Mrs.  Hunt,"  relied  the  Oount 

<<This  Is  Mr.  Snodgrass,  a  Mend  of  Mr.  Pkkwiok'a, 
and  a  poet" 

^  Sflsp,"  exehdmed  the  Count,  bringing  out  the  tablets 
eoce  mace.  ■^Head,  potry*— chapter,  literary  friends 
^^jiame,  Snowgrasa;  rer  good.  Introduced  to  Soow* 
frass — great  poel^  Mead  o£  Peek  Weeks-^-by  Mrs. 


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22  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

Hunt,  which  wrote  other  sweet  poem  —what  is  dial 
name  ?—  Fog — Perspiring  Fog  —  ver  good  —  rer  good 
indeed."  And  the  Count  put  up  his  tablets,  and  with 
sundry  bows  and  acknowledgments  walked  away,  thor- 
oughly satisfied  that  he  had  made  the  most  important 
and  valuable  additions  to  his  stock  of  infonnation« 

^WonderM  man,  Count  SmorltcndL,"  said  Mrs.  Leo 
Hunter. 

^  Sound  Philosopher,"  said  Pott 

'^  Clear-headedy  strong-minded  persoOy"  added  lir. 
Snodgrass. 

A  chorus  of  by-standers  took  up  the  shoot  of  Count 
Bmorltork's  [wuse,  shook  their  heads  sagely^  and  unani- 
mously cried  **  Very  I " 

As  the  enthusiasm  in  Count  Smorltork's  fiivor  ran  very 
high,  his  praises  might  have  been  sung  until  the  end  of 
the  festivities,  if  the  four  something-ean  singers  had  nol 
ranged  themselves  in  front  of  a  small  apple-tree,  to  kx^ 
picturesque,  and  commenced  singmg  their  national  songs, 
which  appeared  by  no  means  difficult  of  execution,  inas- 
much as  the  grand  secret  seemed  to  be,  that  three  of  the 
something-ean  singers  should  grunt,  while  the  fourth 
howled.  This  interesting  perfimnance  having  concluded 
amidst  the  loud  plaudits  of  the  whole  company,  a  boj 
forthwith  proceeded  to  entangle  himself  with  the  raik  of 
a  chair,  and  to  jump  over  it,  and  crawl  under  it,  and  fall 
down  with  it,  and  do  everything  but  sit  upon  it,  and  then 
to  make  a  cravat  of  his  legs^and  tie  th^n  round  his  neckf 
and  then  to  illustrate  the  ease  with  which  a  human  b&* 
ing  can  be  made  to  look  like  a  magnified  toad  —  all 
which  feats  3rielded  high  delight  and  satisfacticm  to  the 
assembled  spectators.  After  which  the  voioe  of  Mrs. 
Pott  was  heard  to  chirp  fiuntly  forth,  sometliiBg  whac^ 


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THS  PIOKWICK  CLDB.  29 

ooortesy  iuterpreted  into  a  song,  whidi  was  all  very  clas- 
sical, and  strictly  in  character,  because  Apollo  was  him- 
self a  composer,  and  composers  can  very  seldom  sing 
their  own  music  or  anybody  else's,  either.^  This  was 
succeeded  by  Mrs.  Leo  Hunter's  recitation  oi  her  far- 
£Euned  ode  to  an  Expiring  Frog,  which  was  encored  once, 
and  would  have  been  encored  twice,  if  the  mi^  part  of 
the  guests,  who  thought  it  was  high  time  to  get  scnn^ 
thing  to  eat,  had  not  said  that  it  was  perfectly  shameful 
ID  take  advantage  of  Mrs.  Hunter's  good  nature.  So^ 
althoi^h  Mrs.  Leo  Hunter  prdessed  her  perfect  willing 
ness  to  recite  the  ode  again,  her  kind  and  considerate 
(Hends  wouldn't  hear  of  it  on  any  account ;  and  the  re- 
freshment room  being  thrown  open,  all  the  people  who 
bad  ever  been  there  before,  scrambled  in  with  all  pos- 
sible despatch:  Mrs.  Leo  Hunter's  usual  course  of 
proceeding  beu^,  to  issue  card^  fi>r  a  hundred,  and 
breakfast  for  fifty,  or  in  other  words  to  feed  only  the 
very  particular  lions,  and  let  the  smaller  animals  take 
care  of  themselves. 

"^  Where  is  Mr.  Pott ?"  said  Mrs.  Leo  Hunter,  as  she 
placed  the  aforesaid  lions  around  her. 

^  Here  I  am,"  said  the  £ditor,  from  the  remotest  end 
of  the  room ;  far  beyond  all  hope  of  food,  unless  some* 
thing  was  done  for  him  1^  the  hostess. 

"  Wcm't  you  come  up  here  ?  " 

"  Oh  pray  don't  mind  him,"  said  Mrs.  Pott,  in  the  most 
obliging  voice  —  "  yoa  give  yourself  a  great  deal  of  un- 
necessary trouble,  Mrs.  Hunter.  You'll  do  very  well 
there,  won't  you  —  dear  ?  " 

**  Certainly  —  love,"  replied  the  unhappy  Pott,  with  a 
grim  smile.  Alas  for  the  knout]  The  nervous  arm 
tet  wielded  it,  with  such  gigantic  force,  on  public  char* 


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H  POBTHCMOUB  PAF£R8  OF 

aetors,  was  paralysed  beneath  tiie  glance  of  the  imperii 
0U8  Mrs.  Pott 

Mrs.  Leo  Hunter  looked  round  her  in  triumph.  Count 
Smorhork  was  husilj  engaged  in  taking  notes  of  the  oon« 
tDDts  of  the  <Mshes ;  Mr.  Tupman  was  doing  the  honon 
of  the  lobster  ealsid  to  several  lionesses,  with  a  degree  of 
grace  whtdi  no  Brigand  ever  exhibited  before;  Mr. 
Saodgi-ass  having  cut  out  the  joung  gentleman  who  cut 
up  the  books  for  the  Eatanswill  Gazette,  was .  engaged 
itk  an  impassioned  argument  with  the  young  lady  who  did 
tJM  poetry :  and  Mn  IHckwick  was  making  himself  uni* 
rersally  agreeable.  Nothing  seemed  wanting  to  render 
tiie  select  elrde  complete,  when  Mr.  Leo  Hunter — whose 
department  cm  these  ooca^ons  was  to  stand  about  in 
door-ways  and  talk  to  the  less  important  people  —  sud- 
denly called  out,— 

«  My  dear ;  here's  Mr.  CXiarles  Fitz^farBhaH." 

«  Oh  dear,"  sidd  Mrs.  Leo  Hunter,  «  how  anxiously  I 
have  been  expecting  him.  I^ray  make  room,  to  let  Mr. 
Fitz-Marshall  pass.  Tell  Mr.  Fitz-MarBhaU,  my  dear,  to 
oome  up  to  me  directly,  to  be  scolded  for  coming  so  late." 

^  Coming,  my  dear  ma'am,**  cried  a  voice,  ^  as  qnkk 
as  I  can — crowds  <^  people— fhU  room — hardworis  — 
very." 

Mr.  Pickwick's  knife  and  fork  ML  from  his  hand.  He 
stared  across  the  table  at  Mr.  Tapman,  who  had  dropped 
Aif  knifb  and  fork,  and  was  looking  as  if  he  were  about 
to  sink  into  the  ground  without  fbrdier  notice. 

^  Ah  I "  cried  the  voiee,  as  its  owner  pushed  his  wa^ 
among  the  last  five-and-twenty  Turks,  officers,  cavaliers, 
and  Charles  the  Seconds,  that  remained  between  him  and 
the  table,  **  regular  manf^e  —  Baker's  patent  -^  not  a 
crease  in  my  coat^  al^  all  this  sqneeaing  -— might  have 


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TBI  ruxwunL  CLim.  25 

^gpiu^my  Vmm*  9ml  emm^hti^-^hal  ha!  not  a  bad 
idea,  that-*-q«i«er  thing  l»  ha^e  it  man^^d  when  \^b 
opon  one,  though  —  trying  process  —  very." 

With  these  1»rok^  w^iida^  a  yonag  maa  dimsed  as  a 
9av«i  offieer*nia4e  hisway  up  to  the  table,  and  presanted 
to  the  astonished  Pickwickians  the  identical  fonn  and 
features  of  Mr.  Alfred  Jingle. 

The  offiooder  had  barely  thne  to  take  Mi«.  Leo  Hont> 
er^s  proffered  haitd,  wh^  hds  ayes  encounteored  the  ior 
digaant  orbs  of  Mr,  Piokwiob 

«'HaUoI''iaaidJia«^  ^  Quite  forgot  —  no  diraodoof 
to  postilion  — giye  ^eln  at  onoe  -^back  in  a  minute." 

^  The  servant,  or  Mr.  Hunter  will  do  it  in  a  moiaenti 
Mr.  Fita-Marshall,"  said  Mrs.  Leo  Hunter. 

^No,  no — 111  do  it-*- shan't  be  long  —  back  in  no 
time,"  replied  Jingle.  With  these  words  he  disappeared 
amoag  the  crowd. 

^  WiU  you  allow  me  to  ask  you,  ma'am,"  said  the  ex- 
cited Mr.  Pickwick,  rising  from  his  seal,  ^who  that 
joang  man  i«^  and  whara  he  resides  1 " 

"  He  is  a  gentleman  of  fortune,  Mr.  Pickwick,"  said 
Mrs.  Leo  Hunter,  ^  to  whom  I  Tory  much  want  to  intro- 
duce you.    The  Gaunt  will  be  delighted  with  him." 

^  Yes,  yes,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick,  hastily.  ^  His  resi- 
dence"-^ 

"  Is  at  preseat  at  the  Angal  at  Bury." 

**  At  Bury?" 

^  At  Buiy  St.  Edmunds,  pot  mai^  miles  from  hera. 
But  dear  me,  Mr.  Pickwick,  you  are  not  gotog  to  leave 
na:  surely  Mc  Pickwick  you  cannot  think  of  going  so 
•oon." 

But  long  before  Mrs.  Leo  Hunter  had  finished  speak- 
iag,  Mr.  Pi<.kwick  had  plunged  through  the  throng,  and 


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2G  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

reached  the  garden,  whiter  he  was  shortly  aflerwarda 
joined  by  Mr.  Tapman,  who  had  followed  his  friend 
closelj. 

^  Ks  of  no  use,"  said  Mr.  Tupman.     *  He  has  gone.* 

"I  know  it,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick,  <<  and  1  will  follow 
him." 

«  Follow  him  I     Where  ?  "  inquired  Mr.  Tupman. 

"  To  the  Angel  at  Bury,"  replied  Mr.  Pickwick,  speak- 
ing very  quickly.  '*  How  do  we  know  whom  he  b  de- 
ceiving there  ?  He  deceived  a  worthy  man  once,  and  we 
were  the  innocent  cause.  He  shall  not  do  it  again,  if  I 
can  help  it ;  111  expose  him.  Sam  !  Where's  my  ser^ 
vant  ?" 

"  Here  you  are,  sir,"  said  Mr.  Weller,  emerging  from 
a  sequestered  spot,  where  he  had  been  engaged  in  dis- 
cussing a  bottle  of  Madeira,  which  he  had  abstracted 
from  the  breakfast-table,  an  hour  or  two  before.  "  Here's 
your  servant,  sir.  Proud  o'  the  title,  as  the  U^ng  Skel- 
linton  said,  ven  they  show'd  him." 

"  Follow  me  insttotly,"  siud  Mr.  Pi<*wick.  «  Tup- 
man, if  I  stay  at  Bury,  you  can  join  me  there,  when  I 
write.     Till  then,  good-by !" 

Remonstrances  were  useless.  Mr.  Pickwick  was 
loused,  and  hjs  mind  was  made  up.  Mr.  Tupman  re- 
turned to  his  companions;  and  in  another  hour  had 
drowned  all  present  recollection  of  Mr.  Alfred  Jingle,  or 
Mr.  Charles  Fitz-Marshall,  in  an  exhilarating  qoadriUe 
and  a  bottle  of  champagne.  By  that  time,  Mr.  Pickwick 
and  Sam  Weller,  perched  on  the  outside  of  a  stage-coadi, 
were  every  succeeding  minute  placing  a  less  and  less  dis- 
tance between  themselves  and  the  good  old  town  of  Burj 
8t.  Edmunds 


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THR  PICKWTCF  OLFB  27 


CHAPTER  XVI. 

TOO  FULL   OF  ABTENTUBS  TO  BE  BRI&FLT   DSSCRIBKD. 

There  is  no  month  in  the  whole  year,  in  which  na- 
ture wears  a  more  beautiftil  appearance  than  in  the 
month  of  August  Spring  has  many  beauties,  and  May 
is  a  fresh  and  blooming  month,  but  the  charms  of  this 
time  of  year  are  enhanced  by  their  contrast  with  the 
winter  season.  August  has  no  such  advantage.  It 
comes  when  we  remember  nothing  but  dear  skies,  green 
fields,  and  sweet-smelling  flowers —  when  the  recollection 
of  snow,  and  ice,  and  bleak  winds,  has  faded  from  our 
minds  as  completely  as  they  hare  disappeared  from  the 
earth, — and  yet  what  a  pleasant  time  it  is!  Orchards 
snd  cornfields  ring  with  the  hum  of  labor ;  trees  bend  be- 
neath the  thfck  dusters  of  ridi  fhiit  which  bow  their 
branches  to  the  gnmnd;  and  the  com,  piled  in  graceful 
dieaves,  or  waring  in  every  light  breath  that  sweeps 
above  it,  as  if  it  wooed  the  aockle,  tinges  the  landscape 
with  a  golden  hue.  A  mellow  softness  appears  to  hang 
over  the  whole  earth ;  the  infiuence  of  the  season  seems 
to  extend  itself  to  the  very  wagon,  whose  slow  motion 
across  the  wen*reaped  field,  is  perceptible  only  to  the 
eye,  biii  strikes  witii  no  harsh  sound  upon  the  ear. 

As  the  coach  rolls  swifUy  past  the  fields  and  orduurdb 
wlttch  ddrt  the  road,  groups  of  women  and  chOdren, 

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28  pcxiTBtmooa  tipems  of 

piling  the  fruit  in  deveSi  or  gathering  the  scattered 
of  com,  pause  for  an  instant  from  their  lahor,  and  shad- 
ing the  sunhumt  h/ce  with  a  still  browner  hand,  gaze 
upon  the  passengers  with  curious  eyes,  while  some  stout 
urchin,  too  small  to  work,  but  too  mischievous  to  be  left 
at  home,  scrambles  over  the  side  of  the  basket  in  which 
he  has  been  deposited  &r  secnri^^  and  kicks  and  screams 
with  delight  The  rei^>er  stops  in  his  work,  and  stands 
with  folded  arms,  lookiogat  the  vehicle  as  it  whirls  past 
and  the  rough  cart-horses  bestow  a  sleepj  glance  upon 
the  smart  coach  team,  which  wiys,  m  pbin^  as  a  horse's 
glance  can,  "  If s  all  very  fine  to  look  at^  but  slow  goinf^ 
oyer  a  heavy  field,  is  better  than  warm  work  like  thal^ 
upon  a  dusty  road,  ailer  alL"  Tou  cast  a  look  behind 
you,  as  you  turn  a  comer  of  the  kmuL  The  women  and 
children  have  resumed  their  labor :  the  rei^per  once  mora 
stoops  to  his  woik :  the  cart-horses  have  moved  oa:  aftd 
all  are  again  in  motion. 

The  influence  of  a  scene  like  this  was  not  lost  upon 
the  well  regulated  mind  of  Mr.  Pickwick.  Jotent  upon 
the  resolution  he  had  formed,  of  exposing  the  real  ofaar* 
acter  of  the  ne&rious  Jii^^le,  in  any  quarter  ia  whiefa  ha 
might  be  pursuing  bis  fraudulent  designs,  he  sat  at  fint 
taciturn  and  eonteniplativay  Imodiag  over  the  meaaa  by 
which  his  purpose  could  be  best  attained.  By  degrees 
his  attention  grew  more  Bfki  more  attracted  by  the  ob* 
jects  around  him;  and  at  laet  he  derived  as  much  ei^joy* 
ment  from  the  ride  as  if  it  had  been  undertaken  tor  the 
pleasantest  reason  in  the  worUU 

^  Deli^itAil  pro^Mct,  Sam,"  said  Mr.  Pi^widB. 

"^  Beats  the  chimley  pots,  siTi"  lepVed  Mr.  Welbr, 
tpoching  his  hat 

"  I  suppose  you  have  hardly  seen  anything  bttt  < 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  29 

atT^pots  and  Inricks  and  mortar,  aH  jonr  fift,  Sam,''  said 
Mr.  Pickwick,  smiling. 

<<I  wonft  afaraTi  a  bi^otiyiii^,'' «aid  Mr.  Weller,  with 
a  shake  of  tfa^  haad;    ^  I  wee  «  waggiaef's  b<^,  ooce.* 

"^  When  wiB  that?"  iiupih^  Mr.  Pidiwii^ 

<<  When  I  W08  finft  ^kaktd  neck  and  cr^  into  tha 
worid  to  pkij  at  l«|pifrog  with  itB  troables,''  replied  Sam« 
^  I  wot  a  oarrier^s  hoj  at  startin' :  then  a  wagginer's, 
then  a  helper,  then  a  boots.  Now  Fra  a  genTmVs  sof* 
vaot  I  skaU  he  a  genl'in'n  myself  one  of  these  dajrs, 
perhaps,  with  a  pipe  in  mj  mouth,  and  a  summer^ioose 
in  the  back  gard^.  Who  knows?  /shouldn't  be  sur- 
prised, for  one." 

^  Ton  art  qalte  a  philosopher,  Sam,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick. 

^It  nms  in  the  fkmily,  I  blieve,  sir,"  replied  Mrv 
WeDer.  "  My  father's  wery  much  in  that  line,  now.  If 
my  mother-in-law  bk>wB  him  up,  he  whistles.  She  flies 
in  a  passion,  and  breaks  his  pipe ;  he  steps  out,  and  gets 
another.  Then  she  screams  wery  loud,  and  falls  into 
'sterics ;  aild  he  smdLes  werj  comfortably  till  she  comes 
to  agin.    Thai's  philosophy,  sir,  a'n't  it  ?  " 

^  A  very  good  substitute  for  it,  at  all  eyents,"  replied 
Mr.  PiokwidCf  landing.  "^  It  must  hare  been  of  great 
■snrice  to  you,  in  ^  course  of  your  raaibHng  liib,  Sam.^ 

^  Service,  siv^  exdaimed  Sam.  **  You  may  say  thai 
Arter  I  ran  away  from  the  cmrrier,  and  afore  I  took  up 
with  the  wagginer,  I  had  linlhrnished  lodgings  for  a  ibit* 
night." 

^ UofhmiAod  lod|rhigs?"  said  Mr.  Pickwick. 

^  Yes -^  the  dry  arches  of  Waterloo  Bridge.  Fine 
sleeptngwplaoe — within  ten  minutes'  walk  of  all  ^hte  pub* 
He  oAoes  -— only  if  there  is  any  objection  to  it,  it  is  that 
Ihe  sitavation*s  ra^tkor  too  airy.  I  see  some  queer  s^ts 
ther." 

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30  POSTHUMOUB  PAPERS  OF 

*'  Ah,  I  suppose  70a  didy**  said  Mr,  Pkdcwidc,  witili  an 
air  of  considerable  interest. 

^  Sights,  sir,*  resumed  Mr.  WeUer,  ^  as  'ad  penetrate 
jour  benevolent  heart,  and  oome  out  on  the  other  side. 
Ton  don't  see  the  reg'lar  wi^(rants  there ;  tmst  'em,  they 
knows  better  than  that.  Youi^  beggacs,  male  and  fe- 
male, as  hasn't  made  a  rise  in  tiieir  profession,  takes  up 
their  quarters  thisre  sometimes ;  but  if  s  genorallj  the 
worn- out,  starvhig,  houseless  creetur's  as  rolls  theai* 
selves  in  the  dark  oomers  o'  them  lonesome  plaoes^^ 
poor  creetur's  as  a'n't  up  to  the  twopenny  rope." 

'<  And  pray,  Sam,  what  is  the  twopeni^  rope  ? "  in* 
quired  Mr.  Pickwick. 

"  The  twopenny  rope,  Mr,"  replied  Mr,  WeHer,  **  is 
juist  a  cheap  lodgin'^house,  where  the  beds  is  twopence  a 
night" 

*" What  do  they  call  a  bed  a  rope  for?"  said  Mr. 
Pickwick. 

"  Bless  your  innocence,  sir,  that  a'n't  it "  replied  Sam. 
^  Wen  the  lady  and  genTm'n  as  keeps  the  Hot>«l,  first 
begun  business,  they  used  to  make  the  beds  on  the  floor; 
but  this  wouldn't  do  at  no  price,  '00s  instead  o'  taking  a 
moderate  twopenn'orth  o'  sleep,  the  loc^rs  used  to  Be 
there,  half  the  day.  So  now  they  has  two  ropeSy  'bovt 
six  foot  apart,  and  three  fh>m  the  floor,  which  goes  right 
down  the  room ;  and  the  beds  nre  made  of  dlips  of  coarse 
sacking,  stretched  across  'em." 

«  Well,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick. 

**  Well,"  said  Mr.  Weller,  <*  the  adwantage  o'  the  plan's 
hobrious.  At  six  o'clock  every  momin',  they  lets  go  the 
ropes  at  one  end,  and  down  falls  all  the  lodgers.  'Con* 
sequence  is,  that  being  thoroughly  waked,  they  gel  up 
wery  quietly,  and  walk  away !     Beg  your  pardon,  sir " 


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THE  PICKWIOK  CLUB.  81 

Mid  Sam,  suddenly  breaking  off  in  his  loquaoious  dia- 
oourse.    "^  Is  this  Bury  St  Edmunds  ?  " 

"  It  is,"  replied  Mr.  Pickwick. 

The  coacit*  rattled  through  the  well-^ared  streets  of  a 
handsome  little  town,  of  thriving  and  cleanly  appear- 
ance, and  stopped  before  a  large  inn  situated  in  a  vride 
open  street,  nearly  facing  the  old  abbey. 

"  And  this,"  safd  .Mr.  Pickwick,  looking  up,  "  is  tho 
Angel !  We  alight  here,  Sam.  But  some  caution  is  ne- 
cessary. Order  a  private  room,  and  do  not  mention  my 
name.     Tou  understand." 

"  Right  as  a  trivet,  sir,"  replied  Mr.  Weller,  with  a 
wink  of  intelligence ;  and  havmg  dragged  Mr.  Pickwick's 
portmanteau  from  the  hind  boot,  into  which  it  had  been 
hastily  thrown  when  they  joined  the  coach  at  Eatan- 
swill,  Mr.  Weller  disappeared  on  his  errand.  A  private 
room  was  speedily  engaged ;  and  into  it  Mr.  Pickwick 
was  ushered  without  delay. 

"  Now,  Sam,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick,  "  the  first  thing  to 
be  done  is  to  "  — 

"Order  dinner,  sir,"  interposed  Mr.  Weller.  "It's 
wery  late,  sir." 

"  Ah,  so  it  is,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick,  looking  at  his  watch. 
•*  You  are  right,  Sam." 

«  And  if  I  might  adwise,  sir,"  added  Mr.  Weller,  "  Fd 
just  have  a  good  night* s  rest  arterwards,  and  not  begin  in- 
quiring arter  this  here  deep  'un  tiU  the  momin'.  There's 
nothin'  so  refreshin'  as  sleep,  sir,  as  the  servant-girl  said 
afore  she  drank  the  egg-cup-full  o'  laudanum." 

"I  think  you  are  right,  Sam,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick. 
**  But  I  must  first  ascertain  that  he  is  in  the  house,  and 
not  likely  to  go  away." 

"  Leave  that  to  me,  sir,"  said  Sam.     "  Let  me  order 


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d2  POSTHUMOUS  PAPEBS  OF 

you  a  snug  little  dinner,  and  make  mj  inqniriet  below 
while  it's  a-getting  readj ;  I  ooald  worm  ev'iy  secret  eat 
o'  the  boots's  heart,  in  hve  minutes^  si^.** 

^  Do  80^"  said  Mr.  Piokwiok :  and  Mr.  Weller  at  once 
retired. 

In  half  an  hour,  Mr.  Pickwick  was  seated  at  a  Terjr 
satisfactory  dinner;  and  in  three  quarters  Mr.  Wdler 
returned  with  the  inteUigenoe  that  Mr.  CharleB  Fitz- 
Marshall  had  ordered  his  (Hivate  room  to  be  retataed 
for  him,  until  further  notice.  He  was  going  to  spend  the 
evening  at  some  private  house  in  the  neighborhood,  had 
ordered  the  boots  to  ait  up  until  his  return,  and  had  taken 
his  servant  with  himu 

"  Now,  sir,"  argued  Mr.  Weller,  when  he  had  condud* 
ed  his  report,  *<  if  I  can  get  a  talk  with  thia  here  servant 
in  the  momin',  he'll  tell  me  all  his  master's  concerns/* 

^  How  do  jou  know  that  ?  "  interposed  Mr.  Piokwidu 

^'  Bless  your  heart,  sir,  servants  always  do,"  relied 
Mr.,  Weller- 

«  Oh,  ah,  I  forgot  that,"  said  Mr.  Pickwii*.     «  WelL" 

"  Then  you  can  arrange  what^  best  to  be  done,  sir, 
and  we  can  act  according." 

As  it  appeared  that  this  was  the  best  arrangoment 
that  could  be  made,  it  was  finally  agreed  upon.  Mr« 
Weller,  by  his  master's  permission,  retired  to  spend  the 
evening  in  his  own  way ;  and  was  shortly  aflerwardd 
elected,  by  tlie  unanimous  voice  of  the  assembled  com- 
pany, into  the  tap-room  chair,  in  which  honorable  post 
he  acquitted  himself  so  much  to  the  satisfaction  of  the 
gentlemen-frequenters,  that  their  roars ,  of  laughter  and 
approbation  penetrated  to  Mr.  Pickwick's  bedroom,  and 
shortened  the  term  of  his  natural  rest,  by  at  least  three 
hours. 


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THf;  PIQKWICK  CLUB.  SS 

£crly  OD  the  easuiDg  morning,  Mr.  WeUa*  wAI  di»» 
peHing  all  the  feverish  remaius  of  the  pveTiouB  eveiiiiiffs 
conviviaUtj,  through  the  instnimentalitj  of  a  halfpenny 
shower-bath  (having  induced  a  /onng  gentleman  attached 
to  the  stable-department,  bj  the  offer  of  that  coin,  to 
jKimp  over  his  head  and  face,  until  he  was  perfectly  re- 
stored), when  he  was  attracted  by  the  appearance  of  a 
yotmg  feUow  in  muiberry-oolored  livery,  who  was  sitting 
on  a  bench  in  the  yard,  reading  what  appeared  to  be  a 
hymn-book,  with  an  air  of  deep  abstraction,  but  who  oo- 
casionally  stole  a  glance  at  the  individual  under  the 
pump,  as  if  he  took  some  interest  in  his  ^x>oeedings, 
nevertheless. 

"  You're  a  rum  'un  to  look  at,  you  are ! "  thought  Mr. 
Weller,  the  first  time  his  eyes  encountered  the  glance  of 
the  stranger  in  the  roulberry-cok)red  soiii  who  had  a 
large,  sallow,  ugly  face^  very  sunken  eye%  ind  a  gigantie 
head,  from  which  depended  a  quantity  <ii  lank  black  ham 
•*  You're  a  rum  'un ! "  thought  Mr.  Weller }  and  think- 
ing this,  he  went  on  washing  hhnself,  and  thought  no 
more  about  him. 

Still  the  man  kept  glancmg  from  his  hymn-book  i(^ 
Sam,  and  from  Sam  to  bis  hynm-book,  as  if  he  wanted  to 
<^>en  a  conversation.  So  at  last,  Sam,  by  way  of  giv- 
hkg  him  an  opportunity,  said,  with  a  fruniliar  nod  — 

^  How  are  you,  governor  ?  " 

^  I  am  happy  to  say,  I  am  pretty  well,  sir,"  said  the 
mm,  speaking  with  great  deliberation,  and  closing  the 
book.    *^  I  hope  you  are  the  same,  sir  ?  " 

"^  Why,  if  I  felt  less  like  a  walking  brandy-bottle,  I 
shouldn't  be  quite  so  staggery  this  m(ffnin',"  replied 
Sam.     "  Are  you  stoppin'  in  this  house,  old  'un  ?  " 

The  mulberry  man  replied  in  the  affinnative* 
VOL.  n.  8 


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84  POBTHUlCOnS  PAPfiBS  OF 

^  How  was  it,  70U  worn't  one  of  us,  last  night  ?  *  m- 
qnired  Sam,  scrubbing  his  &ce  with  the  towd*    ^  Yea 
seem  one  of  the  jollj  sort  —  looks  as  conwivial  as  a  live 
troat  in  a  lime-basket,"  added  Mr.  Weller,  in  an  onder'  ~ 
tone. 

**1  was  out  last  night  with  my  master,"  replied  the 
stranger. 

*^  Whaf  8  his  name  ?  "  inquired  Mr.  Weller,  coloring 
up  very  red  with  sudden  excitement,  and  the  friction  of 
the  towel  combined. 

'*  Fitz-MarshaU,"  said  the  mulberry  man. 

"  Give  us  your  hand,"  said  Mr.  Weller,  advancing ; 
"  I  should  like  to  know  you.  I  like  your  appearance, 
old  fellow." 

^  Well,  that  is  very  strange,"  said  the  mulberry  man, 
with  great  simplicity  of  manner.  '*  I  like  youi^  so  much, 
that  I  wanted  to  speak  to  you  fiom  the  very  first  mo- 
vMsni  I  saw  you  under  the  pump." 

<* Did  you  though?" 

"  Upon  my  word.    Now,  isn't  that  curious  ?  " 

^Wery  sing'ler,"  said  Sam,  inwardly  oongratuladng 
himself  upon  the  softness  of  the  stranger.  ^  What* s  your 
name,  my  patriarch  ?  " 

«  Job." 

^'  And  a  wery  good  name  it  is  —  only  one  I  know, 
that  a'n't  got  a  nickname  to  it  Whatfs  the  other 
name?" 

«  Trotter,"  said  the  stranger.     «  What  is  yours  ?  " 

Sam  bore  in  mind  his  master^s  caution,  and  replied, 

«  My  name's  Walker ;  my  master's  name's  Wilkins. 
Will  you  take  a  drop  o'  somethin'  this  momin',  Mr. 
Trotter?" 

Mr.  Trotter  acquiesced  in  this  agreeable  proposal: 


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THB  PICKWICK  CLUB.  M 

«id  haring  deposited  his  book  in  his  ooat-pocket,  aceom* 
panied  Mr.  Weller  to  the  tap,  where  they  were  soon  oo* 
eupied  in  discossing  an  exhilarating  compound,  formed 
by  mixing  together,  in  a  pewter  vessel,  certain  qnaatHies 
of  British  Hollands,  and  tfa0  fragrant  essence  of  the 
dove. 

^  And  what  sort  of  a  place  hare  jon  got?"  inqnired 
Bam,  as  he  iUed  his  companion's  glass,  for  the  second  time. 

«  Bad,"  sud  Job^  smacking  his  Kps,  ^^very  bad*** 

**  Ton  don't  mean  that  ?**  said  SaniL 

<*  I  do,  inde<*d.  Worae  than  that,  mj  mastei's  gomg 
to  be  married.** 

"No." 

^  Tes ;  and  worse  than  (hat,  too,  he's  going  to  mn 
awaj  with  an  immense  rich  heiress,  fhmi  boardtng- 
school." 

^  What  a  dragon !  **  said  Sam,  refilling  his  companion's 
glass.  *"  It's  some  boarding«scbool  in  this  town,  1  sup- 
pose, aVt  it?" 

Now,  althon^  this  question  was  pat  in  the  most  care- 
less tone  imaginable,  Mr.  Job  Trotter  plainly  showed,  by 
gestare^  that  he  perceired  his  new  friend's  anxiety  to 
draw  fbrth  an  answer  to  it  He  emptied  his  glass, 
looked  mysteriously  at  his  companion,  winked  both  of  his 
■mall  eyes,  one  afbsr  the  other,  and  Anally  made  a  motion 
with  his  arm,  as  if  he  were  working  an  imaginary  pump- 
handle:  thereby  intimating  that  he  (Mr.  Trotter)  con- 
sidered himself  as  undCTgoing  Hbe  process  of  being 
pimiped,  by  Mr.  Samuel  Weller. 

^Mb,  no,"  said  Mr.  Trotter,  in  condurion,  <<that^s  not 
to  be  tdd  to  everybody.  That  is  a  secret  —  a  great  so- 
areiy  Mr.  Walker." 

As  the  mulberry  man  said  this,  he  turned  his  glass 


Digitized  by  VjOOQIC 


as  POSTHUHOUS  PAPERS  OF 

qpaid^  down,  aa  a  meaas  cf  reminding  his  con^wnko 
that  he  had  nothing  left  wherewith  to  slake  his  thint. 
Scffft  observed  the  hint;  and  feeliBg  the  delicate  manner 
in  wbifik  it  was  conveyed^  ordered  the  pewter  Tesael  te 
^  refillod»  whereat  the  si^fiU  eyes  oi  the  mulbeoy  nmrn 
glistened. 

<<And  so  ifs  a  seerel?*  said  Sav. 

^  I  diould  nvther  suspect  it  was,**  said  the  malbeirj 
man,  slp{^g  his  Kquor,  with  a  comj^aoent  fiuie. 

**  I  suppose  your  masYs  wery  rich  ?  "  said  Sam* 

Mr.  Trotter  smiled,  and  holding  his  glass  in  his  left 
hand,  gave  four  distinct  slaps  on  the  pocket  of  his  mul^ 
berry  indescribables  with  his  right,  as  if  to  intimate  that 
hia  master  might  have  done  the  same  without  aknmng 
anybody  mucht  by  the  chinking  of  ooin. 

"  Ah,**  said  Sam,  "tbafs  the  game,  is  it?  " 

The  mulberry  man  nodded  significantly. 

^  Well,  and  dou't  you  think,  old  feUer,**  remonstrated 
Mr.  Weller,  "  that  if  you  let  your  master  take  in  this 
here  young  lady,  you're  «  furedous  raacal?  * 

"I  know  that,"  said  Joh  Trotter,  turning  upon  his 
oompanioQ  a  countenance  of  deep  contrition,  and  groanr 
ing  sli^ly*  ^*  I  know  that  and  thafs  what  it  is  that 
preys  upon  my  nund.    But  what  am  I  to  do? " 

^  Do ! "  said  SaB^;  ^ di^wulge  to  die  nnsia,  and  give 
up  your  master.*^ 

**WhoJd  believe  me?*'  replied  Jdb  Trotter.  '*Tkt 
jioang  lady's  oonsidered  the  very  picture  of  innocence 
and  discretion.  She'd  deny,  it,  and  so  would  my  maater. 
Who'd  believe  me?  I  should  lose  my  i^aoe,  and  get  in* 
dieted  for  a  conspiracy^  or  some  sndi  thing ;  diat^s  all  I 
should  take  by  my  motion." 

'^Thete'^  wmietUn'  in  that,"  said  Sam,  ruminatifig; 
**  there's  somethin'  in  that" 


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by  Google 


TUB  PICKWICK  C3;.I7B.  59 

'^  if  I  Inew  aD7  respeetabla  gsaUffumn  wlio  w^itld  take 
the  matler  op,"  coatiMitd  Mr.  Trotter,  ^  I  miglit  hafre 
seme  hope  U  preventiDg  the  dopeomit;  but  ttien^s  the 
MHne  diffioolt^^  Mr  Walker,  jiut  the  saaie.  I  know  m» 
genlleoKui  in>  thk  vtvaage  plaee ;  and  tern  t&oae  if  I  cttcl) 
whether  he  would  bdieve  mj  tflmy/' 

*  CoDM  Ais  way,."  said  Saao,  eaddenly  jmnpiiig  up, 
and  gratpiDg  the  mulbeny  man  by  the  anik  ^My 
ma^r's  the  man  yea  want,  I  seer**  And  after  a  d^t  re* 
nstance  on  the  part  of  Job  Trotter,  Sam  led  his  newly 
found  friend  to  the  apartment  of  Mr.  Pickwiek,  to  wfaoia 
he  presented  him,  together  with  a  brief  saramary  of  the 
dialogoe  we  haTe  just  repeated. 

^  I  am  very  sorry  to  betray  my  master,  sir,"  said  Job 
Trotter,  applying  to  his  eyes  a  pmk  checked  poeket 
handkerchief  aboat  six  inches  scjpiare. 

**The  feeling  does  you  a  great  deal  of  honor,"  pei^ied 
Mr.  Pkskwiok ;  ^  but  it  is  your  duty,  nevertheless." 

•*  I  know  it  is  my  duty,  sir,"  replied  Job>  with  great 
emoticm.  ^  We  shoisUI  all  try  to  dischasge  oar  dnty,  sir; 
and  I  humbly  endeavor  to  diaoharge  mine,  sir ;  but  it  is 
a  hard  trial  to  betray  a  master,  sir,  whose  dothea  yon 
wear,  and  whoaa  bread  yoa  es^  even  tiioagh  he  is  a 
Si^imdrel,  sir." 

'^  You  are  a  very  good  fellow,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick, 
much  affected,  ^aa  hcmestMow" 

'^  Oome^  ome,"  interpeeed  San,  wlw  had  witnessed 
Mr.  Trotter's  tears  with  conaiderablfr  impatteaoi,  ^  blow 
this  here  waternsart  bb'ness^  It  won't  do  no  good^  this 
won't." 

^  Sam,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick,  reproachftilly,  ^  I  am  sonry 
to  find  that  yos  hare  so  little  reepectiba  this  yomig  man's 
feelings." 


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88  POSTHUMOUS  PAP£BS  OF 

** His  feelin's  is  all werj  well,  mr"  replied  Mr.  Weller) 
^  and  as  they're  so  wery  fine,  and  it's  a  pitj  he  should 
lose  'em,  I  think  he'd  better  keep  'em  in  his  own  bns- 
sum,  than  let  'em  ewaporate  in  hot  water»  '(qpedallj  as 
thej  do  no  good.  Teais  neyer  jet  wound  up  a  dodE, 
or  worked  a  steam  ingen'.  The  next  time  you  go  oui 
to  a  smoking  party,  young  feller,  fill  your  pipe  witii  that 
'ere  reflection,  and  for  the  present,  just  put  that  bit  of 
pink  gingham  into  your  pocket  Ta'n't  so  handsome 
that  you  need  keep  waTing  it  about,  as  if  yon  was  a 
tight-rope  dancer." 

^My  man  is  in  the  right,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick,  ac- 
costing Job,  ^  although  his  mode  of  expressing  his  opin« 
ion  is  somewhat  homely,  and  occasionally  incomprehen- 
siWe." 

«  He  is,  sir,  very  rights"  said  Mr.  Trotter,  "<  and  I  will 
give  way  no  longer." 

«*  Very  well,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick.  «  Now,  where  is 
this  IxMurding-school  ?  " 

"  It  is  a  large,  old,  red-briok  house,  just  outside  the 
(own,  sir,"  replied  Job  Trotter. 

^  And  when,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick,  ^  when  is  this  Til- 
lanous  design  to  be  earned  into  execution  —  when  ii 
this  elopement  to  take  place?" 

*•  To-night,  sir,"  replied  Job. 

«  To-night ! "  exclaimed  Mr.  Pickwick. 

"  This  very  night,  sir,"  replied  Job  Trotter.  *<  Thai 
18  what  alarms  me  so  much." 

^  Instant  measures  muM  be  taken,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick* 
^  I  will  see  the  lady  who  keeps  the  establishment  imme- 
diately." 

''  I  beg  your  pardon,  sir,"  said  Job,  **  but  that  coarae 
of  proceeding  will  nevei  do." 


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THS  PICKWICK  CLUB.  89 

"  Why  not  ?  "  inquired  Mr.  Pickwick. 

^  My  master,  sir,  is  a  very  artfiil  man.'' 

"  I  know  he  is,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick. 

**  And  he  has  so  wound  himself  round  the  old  lady's 
heart,  sir,"  resumed  Job,  ^  that  she  would  believe  nothhig 
to  his  prejudice,  if  you  went  down  cm  your  bare  knees,  and 
swore  it,  especially  as  yon  have  no  proof  but  the  word 
ai  a  servant,  who,  for  anything  she  knows  (and  my  mas* 
ter  would  be  sure  to  say  so),  was  discharged  for  some 
fault,  and  does  this  in  revenge." 

"  What  had  better  be.  done,  then  ?  "  said  Mr.  Pick- 
wick. 

^'  Nothing  but  taking  liim  in  the  very  &ct  of  elopinf^ 
will  convince  the  old  lady,  sir,"  replied  Job. 

^^  All  them  old  cats  mil  run  their  heads  ag'in'  mile* 
stcmes,"  observed  Mr.  Weller  in  a  parenthesis. 

^  But  this  taking  him  in  the  very  act  of  elopement, 
wouki  be  a  very  diffloult  thing  to  aocompUsh,  I  fear," 
said  Mr.  Pickwick. 

"I  don't  know,  sir,"  said  Mr.  Trotter,  aflet  a  few 
moments'  reflectioB.  "  I  think  it  mi|^t  be  very  easily 
done." 

"  How  ?  "  was  Mr.  Pickwick's  inquiry. 

«  Why,"  rq)lied  Mr.  Trotter,  **  my  master  and  I,  being 
in  the  confidence  of  the  two  servants,  will  be  secreted  in 
the  kitchen  at  ten  o'clock.  When  the  family  have  retired 
to  rest,  we  shall  come  out  of  the  kitchen,  and  the  young 
lady  out  of  her  bedroom.  A  post-chaise  will  be  wait* 
mg^  and  away  we  go." 

«  Well,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick. 

«  Well,  sir,  I  have  been  thinking  that  if  you  were  in 
waiting  in  the  garden  behind,  alone  "  — 

«  AJone,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick.    "  Why  akme  ?  " 


Digitized  by  VjOOQIC 


40  POBTHUMOTTS  PAfER8  OF 

^I  thought  it  very  mttanO,*  replied  Joh,  ^tfmt  the 
old  lady  wouldn't  like  mich  an  unpleamiit  discoreiy 
to  be  made  before  more  persons  than  can  possibly  be 
helped.    The  joong  lady  too^  sir — consider  her  fbel* 


<<Toa  are  very  right,"  said  Mr.  Pidnrick.  «The 
ooosideration  evinces  yoor  delicacy  of  feeKng.  Go  on ; 
yon  are  very  right'* 

"^  W^  sir,  I  was  tUnking  that  if  yon  were  waithig 
in  the  back  garden  alone,  and  I  was  to  let  you  in,  at  the 
door  which  opens  into  it,  horn  the  end  of  the  passage,  at 
exactly  half-past  eleven  o'clock,  you  would  be  just  in 
the  very  moment  of  time,  to  assist  me  in  frostratmg  the 
designs  of  this  bad  man,  by  whom  I  have  been  anforto- 
nately  ensnared.'*    Here  Mr.  Trotter  nghed  deeply. 

"  Don't  distress  yV)ur6elf  on  that  account,**  said  Mr. 
Pickwick,  <^  if  he  had  one  grain  of  the  delicacy  of  feel- 
ing which  distinguishes  you,  humble  as  your  staHon  i%  I 
should  have  some  hopes  of  him." 

Job  Trotter  bowed  low ;  and  in  spite  of  Mr.  Wei- 
Isr'e  previous  remonstrance,  the  tears  again  rose  to  his 
eyes. 

^  I  never  see  such  a  feUer,"  said  Sam.  ^  Blessed  if - 
I  don't  think  he's  got  a  main  in  his  head  as  is  always 
turned  on." 

^  Sam,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick,  with  great  severity.  <"  HoU 
your  tongue." 

**  Wery  well,  sir,"  replied  Mr.  Weiler. 

*^  I  don't  like  this  plan,"  said  Mr.  Pidtwick,  after  deep 
meditation.  ^  Why  cannot  t  conmiunicate  with  the  young 
hidy'sfHenda?" 

"  Because  they  live  one  hundred  nnlesfirom  here,  wr" 
responded  Job  Trotter. 


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THS  PICKWICK  OLUB.  41 

<<Tkai^  a  diBoher,''  sdid  Mr.  Welkr,  bsH^ 

"  Then  this  garden,"  resumed  Mr.  Pickwick.  **  How 
■ml  to  get  into  it  ?" 

^  Tbe  waU  is  rery  low,  nr,  and  your  sorani  wUl  gi^e 
you  a  leg  up." 

**  My  servant  will  give  me  a  kg  up,"  repeated  Mr. 
Pickwick,  mechanically.  ^  Too  will  be  sore  to  be  near 
Ibis  door,  that  you  speak  of?  " 

^  You  cannot  mistake  it,  sir ;  if  s  the  only  one  that 
opens  into  the  garden.  Tap  at  it,  when  you  hear  ih% 
elodL  strike,  and  I  will  open  it  instantly." 

<"  I  don't  like  the  plan,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick ;  <<bQt  as 
I  see  no  other,  and  as  the  happiness  of  this  yoong  lady's 
wlu^e  Ills  ifi  at  stake,  I  adopt  it.  I  shall  be  sure  to  be 
tiiere." 

Thus,  for  the  second  time»  did  Mr.  PidLwick'k  innate 
good-feeUag  iuTolre  him  m  an  ei^Brprise,  from  which  he 
woald  most  willingly  hare  stood  aloof. 

<<What  is  the  name  of  the  hoose?"  inquired  Mr« 
Pickwkk. 

<'  Westgate  House,  mr«  Ton  turn  a  iitUe  to  the  right 
when  you  get  to  the  end  of  the  town ;  it  stands  by  itBetf, 
some  lilde  distanee  off  the  high  itMd,  with  the  name  oa 
a  brass  plate  on  the  gate." 

^I  know  it»"  said  Mr.  Pickwick.  ^I  observed  it  once 
before,  when  I  was  in  this  town.  You  may  depend  upon 
me." 

Mr.  Trotter  made  another  bow,  and  tarned  to  depart^ 
iFhen  Mr.  Picdnriek  thrasl  a  guinea  into  his  hand* 

•<Yo«'re  a  ine  fellow,"  said  Mr.  Piekwiek,  <<and  I 
admire  your  goodness  of  heart  No  thanks.  Remember 
-*- eleven  o'dbok." 

^There  is  no  fear  of  my  forgetting  0,  w»"  replied  Job 


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42  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS   OF 

Trotter.  With  these  words  he  left  ^e  room,  followed  bj 
Sara. 

^  I  say,"  said  the  latter,  ^  not  a  bad  notion  that  'ere 
erying.  Fd  ciy  like  a  rain-water  spout  in  a  shower,  on 
such  good  terms.     How  do  you  do  it  ?  •* 

**  It  C(»ne8  from  the  heart,  Mr.  Walker,"  rq^Hed  Job 
solemnly.    "  Good-morning,  sir." 

"  You're  a  soft  customer,  you  are ;  — we've  got  it  aD 
out  o'  you,  anyhow,"  thought  Mr.  Weller,  as  Job  walked 
away. 

We  cannot  state  tiie  predse  nature  of  the  thoughts 
which  passed  through  Mr.  Trotter^s  mind,  because  we 
don't  know  what  they  were. 

The  day  wore  on,  evening  came,  and  at  a  litde  beibre 
ten  o'clock  Sam  Weller  reported  that  Mr.  Jingle  and 
Job  had  gone  out  together,  that  their  luggage  was 
packed  up,  and  that  they  had  ordered  a  chaise.  The 
plot  was  evidently  in  execution,  as  Mr.  TVotter  had 
foretold. 

Half-past  ten  o'clock  arrived,  and  it  was  time  for  Mr. 
Pickwick  to  issue  forth  on  his  delicate  errand.  Resist- 
ing Sam's  ten^r  of  his  great  coat,  in  order  that  he  might 
have  no  incumbrance  in  scaling  the  wall,  he  set  forth,  fol- 
lowed by  his  attendant. 

There  was  a  bright  moon,  but  it  was  behind  the 
doud&  It  was  a  fine  diy  ni^t,  but  it  was  most  uncom- 
monly dark.  Paths,  hedges,  fields,  houses,  and  treets, 
were  enveloped  in  one  deep  shade.  The  atmosphere 
was  hot  and  sultry,  the  summer  li^tning  quivered 
faintly  on  the  verge  of  the  horizon,  and  was  tiie  only 
sight  that  varied  the  dull  gloom  in  whidi  everything 
was  wrapped  —  sound  there  was  none,  ezc^t  the  dia> 
tant  barking  of  some  resUess  house-dog. 


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THB  PICKWICK  CLUB.  HQ 

They  found  the  house,  read  the  brass  plate,  walked 
round  the  wall,  and  stopped  at  tiiat  portion  of  it  which 
divided  them  firom  the  bottom  of  the  garden. 

^  You  will  return  to  the  inn,  Sam,  when  you  have  as- 
sisted me  over,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick. 

"Wery  well,  sir." 

<<  And  you  will  sit  up,  till  I  return." 

«  Cert'nly,  sir.* 

^  Take  hold  of  my  kg;  and,  when  I  say  <  Over,'  ruse 
me  gently.** 

"All  right,  sLr." 

Having  settled  these  preliminaries,  Mr.  Pickwidi: 
grasped  the  top  of  the  wall,  and  gave  the  word  ^  Over,** 
which  was  very  literally  obeyed.  Whether  his  body 
partook  in  some  degree  of  the  elastidty  of  his  mind,  or 
whether  Mr.  Weller's  notions  of  a  gentle  push  were  of  a 
somewhat  rougher  description  than  Mr.  Pickwick's,  the 
immediate  effect  of  his  assistance  was  to  jerk  that  im* 
mortal  gentleman  completely  over  the  wall  on  to  the  bed 
beneath,  where,  after  crushing  three  gooseberry  bushes 
and  a  rose-tree,  he  finally  alighted  at  ftill  length. 

^  You  haVt  hurt  yomrsel^  I  hope,  sir,''  said  Sam,  in  a 
bud  whisper,  as  soon  as  he  recovered  finom  the  surprise 
consequent  upon  the  myBterioos  disappearance  of  his 
master. 

<"  I  have  not  hurt  myw^,  Sam,  certainly,"  i^Hed  Mr. 
Pickwkd^,  firom  the  other  side  of  the  wall,  ^but  I  rather 
think  that  ^fou  have  hurt  me." 

^  I  hqpe  not,  sir,"  said  Sam. 

"  Never  mind,"  said  Mr.  Piekwick,  rising,  "ifs  notb- 
fag  but  a  few  scratches.    Qo  away,  oir  we  shall  be  over- 
rd." 
Good-by,  sir" 

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M  POSTHUMOUS  2AFEBB  OF 

Wkh  slealthj  steps  Sam  Weflcr  departed,  leaving  Ma 
Pickwick  alone  in  the  garden. 

IdghtB  ocoafflooaUj  i^>peared  in  the  dilfeiienl  winclowa 
of  the  house,  or  glanced  fima  the  staiinases,  as  if  the  m- 
mates  were  retiring  to  rest  Not  caring  to  go  too  near 
the  door,  until  the  appointed  time,  lie  ^dcwkk  crottched 
into  an  angle  of  the  wall,  and  awaited  its  arrivaL 

]i  was  A  situation  whieh  might  w^  lia?e  depresaed  the 
spirits  of  many  a  man.  Mr.  Pickwick,  however,  Ml 
neither  depression  nor  misgiving.  He  knew  that  his 
purpose  was  ta  the  main  a  good  one,  and  he  placed  im- 
plicit reliaaee  on  the  high-minded  Job.  It  was  dull,  oer- 
tainlj ;  act  to  say,  dreary ;  but  a  cooiemplative  man  cas 
always  employ  himself  in  meditation.  Mr.  Pickwick  had 
meditated  himself  into  a  doae,  when  he  was  roused  by 
the  chimes  of  the  neighboring  churdb  ringing  omt  the 
hoar — half-past  eleven. 

^  That  is  the  time^"  Uiougfat  Mr.  Pickwick,  getting 
cautiously  on  his  feet  He  looked  up  at  the  house.  The 
lights  had  diaappeared,  and  the  shatters  were  ckiaed— 
all  in  bed,  no  doubt  He  walked  on  tiptoe  to  die  door, 
and  gave  a  gsnUe  tap.  Two  or  three  muuiles  paaaheig 
without  aay  reply,  he  gave  anotiier  tap  rather  loader, 
and  then  another  rather  louder  than  that 

At  ka^  the  aowid  of  feet  was  andiUe  updo  the 
ilairs,  and  then  the  U^t  of  a  candle  ihoae  6inNigfa  the 
keyhole  of  the  door.  There  was  a  good  deal  of  mi* 
diaining  and  unbolting,  and  the  door  was  dowly  opened^ 

Now  the  d6or  opened  outwaids:  and  as  the  door 
opened  wider  and  vAdtsv^  Mn  Piekwiok  reoeded  b^iind 
it,  more  and  more.  What  was  his  astonishment  when  1m 
just  peeped  out  by  way  of  caution,  to  see  that  the  p»- 


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THB  PICKWICK  CLUB.  4t 

son  who  had  opened  it  was  —  not  Job  Trotterv  but  m 
serr^mt^irl  witk  a  candle  in  her  hand  !  Mr.  Pidiwiok 
drew  in  his  head  again,  with  the  swiftness  diBplajed  by 
that  admirable  melodramatic  perfiurmer.  Flinch,  when  he 
lies  in  wait  for  the  flatrheaded  comedian  with  the  tin  boK 
of  music 

^  It  mist  have  been  the  cat,  Sarah,''  said  the  i^i^ad- 
dreasiqg  herself  to  someone  in  the  honsa  ^  Pass,  piii% 
puss— dt»tit»  til." 

But  no  animal  being  decoyed  hj  these  blandishmentai 
the  girl  slowly  closed  the  dow^  and  re-£itttened  it;  leav- 
ing Mr.  Pickwick  drawn  up  straight  against  the  walL 

*<  This  is  very  curioua,"  thoa^  Mr.  Pickwick.  *"  They 
are  sitting  up  beyond  their  usual  hour,  I  suppose.  £3C- 
tremely  unfortunate,  that  they  should  have  diosen 
this  night,  of  all  others,  for  such  a  purpose -*-ex« 
caediagly.''  Afid  with  these  thoughts,  Mr.  Pickwick 
ciuitiously  retked  to  the  angle  of  the  watt  in  which  he 
had  been  before  ensconced ;  waiting  until  such  lime  at 
he  might  deem  it  safe  to  repeat  the  signaL 

He  had  not  been  here  five  mkmtes,  when  a  vivid  flash 
o£  lightnii^  was  followed  1^  a  loud  peal  of  thunder  that 
crashed  and  roUed  away  in  the  distance  with  terrific 
WMse — ^then  cana  another  flash  of  lightning,  brighter 
than  the  other,  and  a  second  peal  of  thunder  louder  than 
the  first  I  and  then  down  came  Hkb  nain»  with  a  fiMroe  and 
fiiry  that  swept  everything  before  it 

Mr.  Pickwick  was  peifeeti^  aware  thflit  a  ir^  is  a  very 
dai^erous  neif^bor  in  a  thonder-etorm.  Ha  had  a  troa 
OD  his  rights  a  tree  on  his  lefW  a  third  before  him,  and 
a  fourth  beynd.  If  he  remained  where  he  was^  he  might 
6dl  the  victim  of  an  aooideBt ;  if  he  showed  himself  in 
the  centre  of  the  gankn^  he  might  be  consigned  to  a 


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46  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

omalable ; — once  ar  twice  be  tried  to  teak  the  wall,  b«l 
haying  no  other  legs  thia  time,  than  those  with  wUoh 
Nature  had  furnished  him,  the  only  effect  of  hb  strog^ 
g^  was  to  inflict  a  variety  of  very  unpleasant  gratingp 
on  his  knees  and  shins,  and  to  throw  him  into  a  state  of 
the  most  profuse  perspiration. 

<"  What  a  dreadful  situation  I  "  said  Mr.  Pickwick, 
pausing  to  wipe  his  brow  after  this  exercise.  He  looked 
up  at  the  bouse — all  was  dark.  They  must  be  goae  to 
bed  now.    He  would  try  thesignal  again. 

He  walked  cq  t^>toe  across  the  moist  gravel,  and 
tapped  at  the  door.  He  b^  his  breath,  and  listened  at 
the  keyhole.  No  rtflj:  very  odd.  Another  kaodu 
He  listened  again.  There  was  a  low  whisperiBg  inside^ 
and  then  a  voice  cried  — 

"Who's  there?" 

<<  That's  not  Job,"  thought  Mr.  Pickwick,  bastUy  draw- 
ing  himself  straight  up  against  the  wall  agahi.  ^  If  s  a 
woman.** 

He  had  scarcely  had  time  tofhnn  this  eondnsion,  when 
a  window  above  stairs  was  thrown  up,  and  three  or  four 
female  voices  repeated  the  query  —  ^  Who's  there?" 

Mr.  Pickwick  dared  not  move  hand  or  foot  It  waa 
dear  that  the  whole  establidmient  was  roosed.  He  made 
up  his  mind  to  remain  where  he  was,  until  Hm  alarm 
had  subsided :  and  then  by  a  supernatural  eflbrt  to  get 
over  the  wall,  or  perish  in  the  attempt 

Like  all  Mr.  Pickwick's  detenmnations,  this  was  the 
best  that  could  be  made  under  the  <^cum8iattoes ;  but^ 
unfortunately,  it  was  founded  upon  the  assumptkm  that 
they  would  not  venture  to  open  the  door  again.  What 
was  his  discomflture,  when  he  heard  the  chain  and  boka 
withdrawn,  and  saw  the  door  sfewly  opening,  wider  and 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  4f 

widerl  He  retreated  into  the  comer,  step  hj  $^;  b«k 
do  what  he  would,  the  interpositioii  of  his  own  peraca 
prevented  its  being  opened  to  its  utmost  width. 

*^  Who's  there  ?**  screamed  a  nomeroos  chorus  of 
treble  voices  from  the  staircase  inside,  oonsisting  of 
the  spinster  lady  of  the  estaWshment,  three  teaohers,  five 
female  servants,  and  thirty  boarders,  aU  half-dressedf 
and  in  a  forest  <^  curl-papers* 

Of  course  Mr.  Pickwick  didn't  saj  who  wa$  there : 
and  then  the  burden  of  the  chorus  changed  into  —  ''Lor^  I 
I  am  so  frightened." 

^  Cook,"  said  the  lady  abbess,  who  took  care  to  be  on 
the  top  stair,  the  very  laet  of  the  group  —  ^  Cook,  why 
don't  you  go  a  little  way  into  the  garden?  " 

<<  Please,  ma'am,  I  don't  like,"  responded  tibe  cook. 

^  Lor',  what  a  etupid  thing  that  cook  is  1 "  said  tha 
thirty  boarders. 

"*  Cbok,"  said  the  lady  abbess,  with  great  dignity ; 
^  don't  answer  me,  if  yoa  please.  I  inost  upon  year 
looking  into  the  garden  immediately." 

Here  theeook  began  to  cry,  and  the  hoosemaid  said  it 
was  "•  a  shame  1 "  for  which  partisan^p  the  received  a 
month's  warning  on  the  spot. 

^  Do  you  hemr,  cook?  "  siud  the  kdy  abbess,  stamp- 
ing her  foot,  impatiMlly. 

^  Don't  you  hear  your  missis,  cook?''  said  the  titfet 
teachers. 

^  What  an  impudent  thing  that  -cook  is  t "  said  iim 
thirty  boarders. 

The  unfortunate  cook,  thus  strongly  urged,  advanced 
a  step  or  two,  and  holding  her  candle  just  where  it  pre* 
vented  her  from  seeing  anything  at  all,  declared  there 
iffMnothingthere,anditmu8t  have  been  the  wind*    The 


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M  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

iMrwM  Jost  going  to  be^leseA  in  eonseqaetoce^  when 
Ml  inquiskive  boarder,  who  had  been  peeping  between 
the  hmges,  set  up  a  fearfhl  sereammg,  which  called  baek 
the  coo4  and  the  housemaid,  and  all  the  more  adventa- 
rous,  in  no  thne. 

<«  What  is  the  malter  widi  Miss  Sraithers  ?"  said  tte 
lady  abbess,  as  the  afereaaid  ilOss  Smithers  proceeded  to 
go  into  hysterics  of  four  young  lady  power. 

^  Lor^,  Miss  Smithers  dear,"  said  the  other  niae-and* 
twenty  boarders. 

'^Oh,  the  man  — the  man — behind  the  doorr  screamei 
ifise  Smithers* 

The  kdy  abbess  no  sooner  heard  this  f^ypaliing  crji 
than  she  retreated  to  her  own  bedroom,  doable-lockedl 
the  door,  wkd  iiialed  away  eomfcttably.  The  boardera, 
and  the  teadiers,  and  the  serrants,  fell  back  upon  the 
stairs,  and  upon  each  other ;  and  never  was  such  a 
SQPBaming^  and  fiuntuif  ,  and  stmggUiig  beheld.  In  the 
midft  of  the  tumult,  Mr.  Piokwidi  emetged  from  his 
conceafanent,  and  presented  himself  amongst  diem. 

H  Ladies— dear  ladie^"  amd  Mr.  Rokwic^ 

^  Oh,  he  says  we^  dear,"  oried  the  oldest  and  ugHeaC 
teacher.    *^  Oh,  the  wretch  I  *^ 

^  Ladies,^  roared  Mr.  Pickwid^  rendered  desperate 
by  the  danger  of  his  situation.  ^  Hear  aae.  I  am  ii6 
robber.    I  want  the  lady  of  the  house.'' 

^  Oh,  what  a  ferocious  monster  ! "  screamed  anothey 
teacher.    '  He  mrnta  Miss  Tdmfcfais.'' 

Here  there  was  a  general  scream. 

^  Ring  the  alarm  beU,  aomehodj !  **  oried  a  doeen 


<«DeB't  — donV  shouted  Mr.  Fkkwk^    "^Lodt  at 
¥bk    Do  I  look  like  a  robber  I    My  dear  Uidies «—  yen 


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THB  PH3KWTCK  €IiUB.  49 

may  bind  me  htmA  and  hgy  or  kek  bm  up  in  a  ek>#et,  if 
70a  like.  Only  hear  what  I  hare  got  to  saj-^-^only  hear 
me.'' 

**  flow  did  you  come  in  our  garden  ?*•  faltered  the 
housemaid. 

^  Can  the  lady  of  the  house,  and  Til  tell  her  every 
thing— ^ererything:''  said  Mr.  Pi^wick,  exerting  his 
longs  to  the  utmost  pitch.     ''  Gall  her — only  be  quiety 
and  call  her,  and  you  shall  hear  everything.*^ 

It  might  have  been  Mr.  Pickwick's  appearance,  or  H 
migfat  have  been  his  manner,  or  it  might  have  been  the 
temptation  — » so  irre^stible  to  a  female  mind — of  hear- 
ing something  at  present  enveloped  in  mystery,  that 
rednoed  the  more  reasonable  portion  of  t2ie  establish* 
ment  (some  fbur  incBviduals)  to  a  state  of  comparative 
quiet.  By  them  it  was  proposed,  as  a  test  of  Mr.  Piok** 
wick's  sincerity,  that  he  should  immediately  submit  to 
personal  restraint ;  and  that  gentieman  harfimg  consented 
to  hold  a  conference  with  Miss  Torakins,  fW>m  the  into* 
rior  of  a  closet  in  which  the  day-boarders  hung  their 
bonnets  and  sandwich-bags,  he  at  once  stepped  into 
it,  of  his  own  accotd,  and  was  securely  locked  in. 
This  revived  the  othen;  and  Miss  Tomkins  having 
been  bronght-to,  and  brought  down,  the  conference  beM 
gan. 

^  What  did  you  do  in  my  garden,  Man  f  ^  said  Miss 
Tomkins,  in  a  faint  voice. 

^  I  came  to  warn  yo«i,  that  one  of  your  young  ladies 
^as  going  to  elope  to-night,"  replied  Mr.  Pickwick,  fh>m 
the  interior  of  the  closet. 

*^ Slope  I*^  exclaimed  Miss  Tomkins,  the  tliree  teach* 
ers,  the  thirty  boarders,  and  the  five  servants.  ^Who 
wxfli?* 

VM*.  n  4 

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60  POSTHUMOUB  PAFEBS  OP 

<<  Your  friend,  Mr.  Oiarles  Fitz-ManhalL*' 

^  ify  friend  I    I  don't  know  any  such  peraoo." 

<*  Well ;  Mr.  Jin^e,  then." 

**  I  never  heard  the  name  in  my  life." 

^  Then,  I  have  heen  deceived,  and  deluded,"  said  Mr. 
Pickwick.  ^I  have  heen  the  victim  of  a  conspiraej 
-*  a  foul  and  base  conspiracy.  Send  to  the  Angel,  mj 
dear  ma'am,  if  you  don't  believe  me.  Send  to  the 
Angel  for  Mr.  Pickwick's  man-servant,  I  implore  yon, 
ma'am." 

<'  He  must  be  respectable  —  he  keeps  a  man-servant,'* 
said  Miss  Tcunkins  to  the  writing  and  ciphering  gov- 


*^  It's  my  opinion,  Miss  Tomkins,"  said  the  writing  and 
ciphering  governess,  ^  that  his  man-servant  keeps  hiou 
/  thmk  he's  a  madman.  Miss  Tomkins,  and  the  othec^s 
his  keeper." 

^  I  think  you  are  very  right.  Miss  Gwynn,"  responded 
Miss  Tomkins.  ^  Let  two  of  the  servants  repair  to 
the  Angel,  and  let  the  others  remain  here,  to  protect 
us." 

So  two  of  the  servants  were  despatched  to  the  Angel 
in  search  of  Mr.  Samuel  Weller:  and  the  remaining 
three  stopped  behind  to  protect  Miss  Tomkins,  and  the 
three  teachers,  and  the  thirty  boarders.  And  Mr.  Pick- 
wick sat  down  in  the  closet,  beneath  a  grove  of  sand- 
wich bags,  and  awaited  the  return  of  the  messeqgen, 
with  all  the  philosophy  and  fortitude  he  could  snmmion 
to  his  aid. 

An  hour  and  a  half  elapsed  before  they  came  badK, 
and  when  they  did  come,  Mr.  Pickwick  recognized,  in 
addition  to  the  voice  of  Mr.  Samuel  Weller,  two  oth«r 
voices,  the  tones  of  which  struck  fruniliariy  <m  his  ear ;  but 


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THB  PICKWICK  CLUB.^  51 

whose  thej  were,  he  oould  noi  for  the  life  of  him  eaU 
to  mind. 

A  veiy  brief  conyerBation  ensued.  The  door  wat 
unlocked.  Mr.  Pickwick  atq^ped  oat  of  the  doeet^ 
■nd  fbnnd  himeelf  in  the  presence  of  the  whole  es* 
tabliyunent  of  Weetgate  House,  Mr.  Samael  WeUer^ 
and-* old  Wardle,  and  his  destined  sonr^in-^aw,  Mr* 
Tnindle  I 

^Mj  dear  friend,''  said  Mr.  Piekwid^  ninnhig  for- 
ward and  grasping  Wardle's  hand,  ^mj  dear  friend) 
praj,  for  Heaven's  sake,  eicplain  to  this  ladj  the  unfor* 
tonate  and  dreadfrd  sitnation  in  which  I  am  placed. 
You  must  have  heard  it  from  my  servant  i  saj,  at  all 
events,  my  dear  follow,  that  I  am  neither  a  robber  nor 
a  madman." 

^  I  have  said  so,  mj  dear  friend.  I  have  said  so  al- 
ready," replied  Mr.  Wardle,  shaking  the  right  hand  of 
fais  friend,  whik  Mr.  Trundle  diook  the  left. 

^  And  whoever  says,  or  has  said,  he  is,"  interposed 
Mr.  Weller,  stepping  forward,  ^  says  ihat  wMch  is  not 
the  tmth,  bat  so  for  from  it,  on  the  contrairy,  quite  the 
rewerse.  And  if  there's  any  number  o'  m&a  on  these 
here  premises  as  has  said  so,  I  shall  be  wery  happy  to 
give  'em  all  a  wery  convincing  |»x)of  o'  their  being  mis- 
taken, in  this  here  wery  room,  if  these  wery  respectable 
ladiesll  have  the  goodness  to  retire  and  order  'em  up^ 
one  at  a  time."  Having  delivered  this  d^aaoe  with 
great  volubility,  Mr.  Weller  struck  his  open  pahn  em^ 
phaticaHy  with  his  clenched  fist,  and  winked  pleasantly 
on  Miss  Tomkins :  the  intensity  of  whose  horror  at  his 
Bupposing  it  within  the  bounds  of  possibility  that  there 
could  be  any  men  on  the  premises  of  Westgate  House 
Establishment  for  Young  Ladies,  it  is  impossiUe  to  de- 
scribe. 

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S8  POSTHUMOUS  FAPEBS  OF 

Mr.  Piekwick's  explanation  iMtving  been  alreadj  paiw 
tiallj  made,  was  soon  concluded.  But  neither  in  the 
course  of  his  walk  home  with  his  friends,  nor  afterwards 
when  seated  before  a  biaotng  fire  at  the  supper  he  so 
much  needed,  coald  a  single  obserratiMi  be  diiiwn  frtna 
him.  He  seemed  bewildered  and  amazed.  Once,  and 
only  ottoS)  he  turned  rcmnd  lo  Mr.  Wardle^  «uid  said, 

» "  How  did  you  come  here  ?  ** 

<^Tnmdle  and  I  came  down  here,  fi»r  some  ^ood  shoot- 
ing  on  the  first,"  replied  Wardle.  *"  We  arrived  to-nigfal^ 
ttid  were  astonished  to  hear  from  jonr  senrant  that  joa 
were  here  too.  Bnt  I  am  glad  yoia  are,''  said  the  iM 
feUow,  slapping  him  on  the  back.  ^  I  am  >glad  you  are. 
We  shall  hare  a  jovial  party  on  the  first,  and  well  give 
Winkle  another  dianoe  —  eh,  old  boy  ?  " 

Mr.  Pickwick  made  no  reply ;  he  did  not  even  ask 
after  his  Mends  at  Dingley  IXsU,  and  shortly  aAerwardi 
retired  for  the  ni^t,  desirii^  Sam  to  £ltch  his  eandk 
when  he  rung. 

The  bell  did  ring  in  due  oonne,  aad  Mn  Welled  pc^ 
seated  himsel£ 

''Sam,'*  said  Mr.  Pkkwick,  leokhig  out  firom  vndar 
Ike  bedclothes. 

"^  Sir,"  s^  Mr.  WeUer. 

Mr.  Pickwick  paused,  and  Mr.  Weller  smrfTed  Am 
candle. 

'' Sam,"  said  Mr.  Fkdcwiek  again^  as  If  wilh  a  dsspcTi 
ate  effort 

**  Sir,"  said  Mr.  Weller^  onoe  more. 

«  Where  is  that  TroUer?  " 

"Job,  sir?" 

"Yes." 

""Goae^sir*" 


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THV  nCKWIOK  GLtJft.  M 

^  T^th  his  master,  I  suppose  ?  " 

^  Friend  or  master,  or  whatever  he  is,  he's  gone  with 
him,"  replied  Mr.  Weller.    '<  There's  a  pair  on  'em,  sir." 

"  Jingle  suspected  mj  design,  and  set  that  fellow  on 
jou,  with  this  stoiy,  I  suppose?"  said  Mr.  PickwidE« 
half  choking. 

"^  Just  that,  8ir,".rtplied  Mr.  W^elltr* 

^  It  was  all  false,  of  course  ?  " 

'<All,8ir,"r^edMr.W«lkr*  <<Beglar^o,airi  art* 
id^bdge." 

*^  I  don't  think  he'll  escape  us  quite  so  easilj  tbe  next 
time,  Sam  ?  "  said  Mr.  Pickwick. 

^  I  detti  thmk  he  will,  sir."^ 

^  WheMerer  I  meet  that  Jingle  again,  wiiererer  it  is,* 
said  Mr.  Pickwidk,  raising  himself  in  bed,  and  indent^ 
n^  his  ptlfow  with  a  teeaiendoiis  blow,  ^  HI  inflict  p^t^ 
sonal  chaslisemeDt  on  him,  in  addition  to  the  exposure 
ha  to  liehfy  nerits.  I  will,  or  my  name  is  not  Fick«> 
wick." 

^And  weneyer  I  catches  hold  o'  that  there  mdan« 
eh(^  e^p  with  the  \AaA  hair,"  said  Sam,  <<  if  I  don't 
brnig  8ome  real  water  into  his  eyes,  for  oiMe  in  a  waf | 
mj  name  a'n't  Wetter.    €kxNl^<ught,  sir  I " 


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64  PCMSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 


CHAPTER  XVn. 

BBOWlHa  THAT  AN  ATTACK  OF  BHSUXATISlfy  Of 
80MS  OASES,  ACTS  AS  A  QUIOKENBB  TO  IHVIWTIVJ 
GENIUS. 


The  coiistitation  of  Mr.,  Pickwick,  though  able  to  i 
tain  a  very  considerable  amount  of  exertion  and  fiitigne^ 
was  not  proof  against  such  a  combination  of  attacks  as 
he  had  undergone  on  the  memorable  ni^t,  recorded  in 
the  last  chapter.  The  process  of  being  washed  in  the 
night  air,  and  rough-dried  in  a  doset,  is  as  dangerous  aa 
it  is  peculiar.  Mr.  Pickwick  was  laid  up  with  an  atta<^ 
of  rheumatism. 

But  although  the  bodilj  powers  of  the  great  man  w«n 
thus  impaired,  his  mental  en^gies  retamed  their  pristine 
▼igor.  His  spirits  were  elastic;  his  good  humor  was  re- 
stored. Even  the  vexation  consequent  upon  his  recent 
adventure  had  vanished  from  his  mind ;  and  he*  could  yAik 
in  the  hearty  laughter  which  any  allusion  to  it  exdted  in 
Mr.  Wardle,  without  anger  and  without  embarrassment. 
Nay,  more.  During  the  two  days  Mr.  Pickwick  waa 
confined  to  his  bed,  Sam  was  his  constant  attendant  On 
the  first,  he  endeavored  to  amuse  his  master  by  anecdote 
and  conversation ;  on  the  second  Mr.  Pickwick  demand- 
ed his  writing-desk,  and  pen  and  ink,  and  was  deeply  en- 
gaged during  the  whole  day.    On  the  third,  being  able 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  55 

to  sit  up  in  biB  *bed-chamber,  he  deepatehed  his  ralel 
with  a  message  to  Mr.  Wardle  and  Mr.  Tmndlet  intimat* 
ing  that  if  they  would  take  their  wine  there,  that  eyeo- 
ing,  they  would  greatly  oblige  him.  The  inyitation  was 
most  wilHngly  accepted ;  and  when  they  were  seated  oyer 
their  wine,  Mr.  Pickwick,  with  sundry  blushes,  produced 
the  following  little  tale,  as  haying  been  ^  edited "  by 
himself,  during  his  recent  indisposition,  fixun  his  notes  of 
Mr.  WeUer's  unsc^^histioated  reoitaL 


"THE   PABISH   CLERK. 

A  TIXB  or  TBUB  LOyS. 

^  Onob  upon  a  time  in  a  very  small  ooontry  town,  at 
a  considenble  distance  from  London,  there  liyed  a  little 
man  named  Nathaniel  Pipkin,  who  was  the  parish  clerk 
of  the  little  town,  and  liyed  in  a  little  house  in  the  little 
high  street,  within  ten  nunutes'  walk  of  the  little  church ; 
and  who  was  to  be  found  eyery  day  from  nine  till  four 
teaching  a  little  learning  to  the  little  boys.  Nathaniel 
Pipkin  was  a  harmless,  inoffenaye  good-natured  beings 
with  a  turned-op  nose,  and  rather  tumed-in  legs :  a  cast 
in  his  eye,  and  a  halt  in  his  gait ;  and  he  diyided  Ins 
Itee  between  the  churdi  and  his  sohod,  yerily  belieying 
that  there  existed  not,  on  the  &ce  of  the  earth,  so  cleyer 
a  man  as  the  curate,  so  imposing  an  apartment  as  the 
yestry-room,  or  so  well-ordered  a  seminary  as  his  own. 
Once,  and  only  once,  in  his  life,  Nathaniel  Pipkin  had 
seen  a  bishop — a  real  bishop,  with  Ids  arms  in  lawn 
deeyes,  and  his  head  in  a  wig.    He  had  seen  faim  walk. 


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56  POSTHmmnS  PAFEBS  OF 

and  lieani  hkn  talk,  at  a  eonfirmation,  on  which  momeii* 
tcNM  occasion  Nathaniel  Pipldn  was  so  oreroome  with 
reverence  and  awe,  when  the  aforesaid  bishop  laid  his 
hand  on  his  head,  that  he  fainted  right  clean  away,  ami 
was  borne  oat  of  church  in  the  arms  of  the  beadle. 

^This  was  a  great  event,  a  tremendous  era,  in  Na- 
thaniel Pipkin*s  life,  and  it  was  the  only  one  that  hai 
ever  oeeurred  to  ruffle  the  onooth  current  of  hie  quvel 
existence,  when  happening  one  fine  afternoon,  in  a  fit  of 
mental  abstraction,  to  raise  his  eyes  from  the  slate  on 
which  he  was  devising  some  tremendous  problem  in  com- 
pound addition  for  an  offending  urchin  to  solve,  they  sud- 
denly rested  on  the  blooming  countenance  of  Maria  Lobbs, 
the  only  daughter  of  old  Lobbs,  the  great  saddler  over 
the  way.  Now,  the  ejes  of  Mr.  Pipb'n  had  rested  on 
the  pretty  face  of  Maria  Lobbs  many  a  time  and  oft  be- 
fbre,  at  charch  and  elsewheie  c  but  the  eyee  of  Maria 
Lobbs  had  never  looked  so  bright,  the  dieeks  of  Maria 
Lobbs  had  never  locked  so  niddy,  as  upon  this  particular 
occasion.  No  wonder  then,  that  Nathaaiel  I^pkin  was 
unable  to  take  his  eyes  from  tiie  countenance  of  Miss 
Lobbs;  no  wonder  that  Miss  Lobbs,  finding  herself  etared 
at  by  a  young  man,  withdrew  her  head  from  the  window 
oat  of  which  she  had  been  pee|»ttg,  and  shut  the  case* 
ment  and  pulkd  down  the  blind ;  no  wonder  that  Na^ 
thaniol  Pipkin,  imme£ately  thereafter,  fhll  upon  the 
young  urchin  who  had  previously  offended,  and  cuilM 
and  knocked  him  abont  to  his  heart's  content  All  thoe 
was  very  natural,  and  tiiere's  nothing  at  all  to  wonder  at 
about  it. 

*^  It  ii  matter  of  wonder,  though,  that  any  one  of  Mr. 
Nathaniel  Pipkin's  retiring  disposition,  nervous  temp^«- 
(oeiit,  and  most  particularly  donmuliva  ineome,  riieoM 


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TljB  PIOKWIOK  OLUB.  67 

bom  Uua  daj  foHhy  have  4ftred  to  ntfk^  td  the*  band  and 
kcart  of  tlie  only  daagliter  of  the  ^7  old  Lobbe — of 
old  Lobbs  the  great  saddler,  wbo  eould  bave  boagbt  up 
Ibe  whole  Tillage  at  oae  strdie  of  hifi  pen,  and  nerer  fek 
the  outlay  —  M  Ldbbs,  who  was  weU  known  to  bata 
haiqps  of  moaej  inyoBted  m  the  baak  at  the  nearest 
market  town — old  Lobbs,  wbo  was  reported  to  bav« 
oo<iiille»  and  inexhaustible  treasures  hoarded  up  in  the 
little  iron  safe  with  the  big  key-bole,  over  the  chiianeyw 
pieoe  k  the  back  parlor— -old  LoU>s»  who,  it  was  weB 
known,  on  festive  oecasioos  garnished  his  board  with  a 
real  silver  tea-pot,  cream^wer,  luid  sugar-basin,  whiek 
be  was  wont,  in  the  ptfide  of  his  heart,  to  boast  should  be 
his  daughter's  property  when  she  found  a  man  to  her 
mind.  I  repeat  it,  to  be  matter  of  profound  astonish- 
ment and  intense  wonder,  that  Nadianiel  Pipkin  shouM 
have  had  the  temerity  to  cast  his  eyes  in  this  directioit. 
But  love  is  blind :  and  Nathaniel  had  a  east  in  his  eye : 
aad  perhaps  these  two  circumstances,  taken  together,  pre- 
vented his  seeing  the  matter  la  its  proper  li^t* 

^  Now,  if  old  Lobbs  had  entertained  the  most  remote 
or  distant  idea  of  the  state  of  the  affeotk>ns  of  Nathaniel 
Pipkin^  he  would  just  have  raeed  the  school-room  to  the 
ground,  or  exterminated  its  master  from  the  surface  of 
the  earthy  or  commiUed  some  other  outrage  and  atrocity 
of  an  equally  ferocious  and  violent  description ;  for  ike 
was  a  teriible  old  fellow,  was  Lobba^  when  his  piide  was 
injured,  or  his  blood  was  up..  Swear !  Such  trains  of 
oaths  would  come  roUing  and  pealing  over  the  way, 
sometimes,  when  he  was  denouncing  the  idleness  of  the 
bony  apprentioe  with  the  tliin  legs,  that  Nathaniel  Pip- 
kin wQubi  shake  in  hia  shoes,  with  horror,  and  the  hair 
af  tha  PHpik'  heads  would   stand  on  end  with  (Hght 


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58  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

^  Well  1  Day  after  day,  wkeo  school  was  over,  and 
the  pupils  gone,  did  Nathaniel  Pipkin  sit  himself  down 
at  ^e  Aront  window,  and  while  he  feigned  to  be  reading 
a  book,  throw  sidelong  glances  orer  the  way  in  search 
of  the  bright  eyes  of  Maria  Lobbs ;  and  he  hadn't  sal 
tliere  many  days,  before  the  bri^t  eyes  appeared  at  an 
upper  window,  i^parently  deeply  engaged  in  reading  toow 
Tliis  was  delightAil,  and  gladdening  to  the  heart  <^  Na* 
thaniel  Pipkin.  It  was  something  to  sit  there  for  hours 
together,  and  look  upon  that  pretty  face  when  the  eyes 
were  cast  down  ;  but  when  Maria  Lobbs  began  to  raise 
her  eyes  from  her  book,  and  dart  their  rays  in  the  direc- 
tion of  Nathaniel  Pipkin,  his  delight  and  admiration 
were  perfectly  boundless.  At  last,  one  day  when  he 
knew  old  Lobbs  was  out,  Nathaniel  Pipkin  had  the  te- 
merity to  kiss  his  hand  to  Maria  Lobbs;  and  Maria 
Lobbs,  instead  of  shutting  the  window,  and  pulling  down 
the  blind,  kissed  hart  to  him,  and  smiled.  Upon  which 
Nathaniel  Pipkin  determined,  that,  come  what  might,  he 
would  develop  the  state  of  his  feelings  witibout  ferther 
delay. 

'*  A  prettier  foot,  a  gayer  heart,  a  more  dimpled  &oe, 
or  a  smarter  form,  never  bounded  so  lightly  over  the 
earth  they  graced,  as  did  those  of  Maria  Lobbs,  the  old 
saddler's  daughter.  There  was  a  roguish  twinkle  in  her 
sparkling  eyes,  that  would  have  made  its  way  to  far  less 
susceptible  bosoms  dian  that  of  Nathaniel  Pipkin ;  and 
tliere  was  such  a  joyous  sound  in  her  merry  laugh,  that 
the  sternest  misanthrope  must  have  smiled  to  hear  it 
Even  old  Lobbs  himself,  in  the  very  height  of  his  feroci- 
ty, couldn't  resist  the  coaxing  of  his  pretty  danghter; 
and  when  she,  and  her  coushd  Kate — an  ardi,  impudent- 
looking,  bewitching  little  person  —  made  a  dead  set  upon 


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--THE  nOKWICK  CLUB.  5*J 

Ihe  old  man  together,  as,  to  say  the  truth,  thej  very  often 
did,  he  could  have  refosed  them  nothing,  eyen  had  they 
nked  for  a  portion  of  the  eocmtless  and  ineidiaustibto 
treasures,  whidi  were  hidden  ftom  the  light,  in  the  iron 
ta^ 

^Nathaniel  Pipkin's  heart  beat  high  within  him,  when 
he  saw  this  enticing  little  couple  some  hundred  yards  be- 
fore him,  one  summer's  erening,  in  ihe  very  Md  in 
whkh  he  had  many  a  time  strolled  about  till  night-time^ 
and  pondered  on  the  beauty  of  Maria  Lobbs.  But 
though  he  had  often  tl^ought  then,  how  briskly  he  would 
walk  up  to  Maria  Lobbs  and  tell  her  of  his  i»s8ion  if  he 
could  only  meet  her,  he  felt,  now  that  she  was  unexpect- 
edly before  him,  aU  the  blood  in  his  body  mounting  to 
his  faoe,  manifestly  to  the  great  detriment  of  his  legs, 
which,  deprived  of  their  usual  portion,  trembled  beneath 
him.  When  they  stuped  to  gather  a  hedge-flower,  or 
listen  to  a  bird,  Nathsmiel  PipUn  stopped  too,  and  pre- 
tended to  be  absorbed  in  meditation,  as  indeed  he  really 
was ;  for  he  was  thinking  what  on  earth  he  should  ever 
do,  when  they  tunied  back,  as  they  inevitably  must  in 
time,  and  meet  him  face  to  ikce.  But  though  he  was 
afraid  to  make  up  to  them,  he  couldn't  bear  to  lose^  sight 
of  them ;  so  when  they  walked  filter  he  walked  fkster, 
when  they  lingered  he  lingered,  and  when  they  stopped 
he  stopped ;  and  so  they  might  have  gone  on,  until  the 
darkness  prevented  them,  if  Kate  had  not  looked  slyly 
back,  and  encouragingly  beckoned  Nathaniel  to  advance. 
There  was  something  in  Kate's  manner  that  was  not  to 
be  resisted,  and  so  Nathaniel  Pipkin  complied  with  the 
invitation;  and  after  a  great  deal  of  blushing  on  hk 
part,  and  immoderate  laughter  on  that  of  tiie  wicked 
little  cousin,  Nathaniel  Pipkin  went  down  on  his  kneed 


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GO  PC8THUH0U8  rATEBfi  OF 

on  the  dewj  gmss,  asd  dedarod  kis  n&oiadim  I*  i 
(bere  fiifeyer,  unless  he  were  penmtted  to  rue  the  ae^ 
oepted  loTer  <^  Haria  Lolibs.  Upon  thiSy  the  meirf 
kuight^r  of  Maria  Lebba  rang  through  the  oakn  eTening 
air  —  without  seeming  to  distorfo  it,  though;  it  had  sadi 
a  ideasant  sowid*^aQd  the  wkked  litte  ooosiii  kngfaed 
more  immoderale]^  than  befiwe^  and  Nathaniel  P^ikki 
bhiahed  deeper  than  ever.  Al  lengtl^  Maria  Lobhs  being 
mere  strenuouslj  niged  bj  the  love-worn  little  man^ 
Inmed  away  her  head,  and  whimpered  her  ooorin  to  aayv 
or  at  all  eyeats  Kale  did  say,  diat  she  felt  much  hoooted 
by  Mr.  Pipkin's  addceases;  that  her  hand  and  heart 
were  at  her  Other's  disposal ;  but  thai  nobody  oonld  be 
insensible  to  Mr.  Pipkia's  merits*  As  all  this  was  said 
with  much  gravity^  and  as  Natbaidel  Pipkin  wa&ed 
home  with  Maria  Lobbs^  and  strug^d  for  a  kiss  at  paru 
ing,  he  went  to  bed  a  hi^py  man,  and  dreamed  all  night 
long  of  softening  old  Lobbs,  opening  the  strong  box, 
and  marrying  Maria» 

^  The  next  day,  Nathaniel  Pipkin  saw  eld  Lobbs  g^ 
eut  upon  his  M  gray  pony,  and  afler  a  great  many  signa 
at  the  window  from  the  wioked  Httle  eoosiB,  the  objeot 
and  meaning  of  which  he  could  by  no  means  nnderstaiid, 
the  bony  apprentice  wUh  the  thin  Iqgs  came  over  to  saj 
that  his  master  wasn't  coAing  bouM  all  night,  aad  thai 
the  ladies  expected  Mr.  Pipkin  to  tea,  at  six  o\kxk  pre- 
dsely.  How  tbe  lessons  were  got  tiuough  thai  day,  nei* 
ther  Nalbaniel  Pipkito  nor  his  papib  knew  any  nsoffe  than 
you  do ;  but  tb^  were  got  through  somdiow,  and,  after 
tbe  boys  had  gone,  Natbanid  Pipkin  took  tfll  fall  six 
e'cloek  to  dress  himself  to  his  satisfaction.  Not  that  it 
look  long  to  select  the  garments  be  should  wear,  inasnraek 
as  be  bad  no  cboioe  about  tbe  matter ;  bpft  the  patting  of 


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TKB  FIOKWICK  CLUB.  61 

Ib^m  oa  to  thQ  best,  adyanttge,  9mA  tbo  Uwebing  of  them 
«p  preyioi»3^^  wa»  a  task  ^  ao  iaeonmderible  di^SeuUy 
or  importance. 

^  Tliere  was  a  yevy  sang  lidla  party,  ooasistiag  of  Mi^ 
da  Lobbs  aod  bar  oooaia  Kate,  aad  tbrea  oar  ibar  rompp 
ing,  goochhafaorad)  iafl(7-«baekad  giuls*  Natbaaiel  Pip^ 
kia  bad  oqalar  deiaoQetKatioa  of  ibe  &oty  tbat  the.  m^ 
9iors  qf  old  Lobbe's  tveaaores  were  noi  exaggerated 
There  were  the  real  9olid  silver  teft-pot,  cr^m^*ewer,  and 
9agar-bll^iQ,  oa  the  table,  and  real  ailver  spooas  to  stir 
the  tea  with,  aad  real  chiaa  cape  to  drink  it  oat  of,  and 
platea  of  the  same,  to  hold  the  cakes  aad  toast  in.  The 
only  eyesore  in  the  whole  place,  was  another  cousin  of 
Maria  Lobbs's,  and  a  brother  of  Kate,  whom  Maria  Lfobbs 
called  '  Henry,'  and  who  seemed  to  keep  Maria  Lobbs  all 
to  hiiaael^  up  in  one  corner  of  the  table.  It's  a  delight- 
ful  thing  toseeafibctioa  in  fiuaiilies,  bat  it  may  be  carried 
rather  too  far,  and  Nathaniel  Pipkin  ooold  not  help  think* 
ing  that  Maria  Lobbs  mast  be  very  piuticnlarly  food  of 
her  relations,  if  she  paid  ae  mnch  attention  to  all  of  them 
as  to  this  individual  cousiOp  AJder  tea,  too,  when  the 
wicked  little  cousin  proposed  a  game  at  blind  man's  bu£^ 
It  sosaehow  or  othev  happ^ied  thai  Nathaniel  Pipkin  was 
i^early  alwi^4  blipd,  aad  wbanever  ha  laid  hia  hand  upoa 
t^  jpale  eoa^ia,  ha  was  sare  to  fiad  that  Maria  LcMa 
was  not  &r  off.  And  though  the  wicked  Uttiaeousin  aad 
the  other  givls  piacbed  him,  and  palled  his  hair,  aad  padied 
chairs  ia  his  way,  and  all  sorts  of  thiags,  Maria  Lobbs 
never  seemed  to  ooaie  near  him  at  all :  and  once  -^  once 
•^  Nathaniel  Pipkin  coald  have  sworn  be  heard  the  sound 
of  a  kiss,  followed  by  a  faint  remonstrance  from  Maria 
Lobbs,  and  a  balfrsuppressed  laagh  from  her  female 
Snendiif.    AH  tWs  was  odd  —  very  odd  —  and  there  is 


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^2  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

no  sajing  what  Nathaniel  Pipkin  might  or  might  not 
hare  done,  in  oonseqnenoe,  if  his  thoughts  had  not  been 
saddenlj  directed  into  a  new  channel. 

^  The  circnmstanoe  which  directed  his  thoughts  into  a 
new  chimnel  was  a  kmd  knocking  at  the  street-door,  and 
the  person  who  made  this  loud  knocking  at  the  street* 
door,  was  no  other  than  old  Lobbe  himself,  who  had  nn- 
expectedlj  retnmed,  and  was  hammering  awaj,  like  a 
ooffin-maker :  for  he  wanted  his  supper.  The  alarming 
intelligence  was  no  sooner  eonununicated  by  the  booj 
apprentice  with  the  ^n  legs,  than  the  girls  tripped  up 
stairs  to  Maria  Lobbs's  bedroom,  and  the  male  cousin 
and  Nathaniel  Pipkin  were  thrust  into  a  couple  of  clos- 
ets in  the  sitting-room,  for  want  of  anj  better  places  of 
concealment;  and  when  Maria  Lobbs  and  the  wicked 
little  cousin  had  stowed  them  away,  and  put  the  room  to 
rights,  they  opened  the  street-door  to  old  Lobbs,  who  had 
never  lefl  off  knocking  since  he  first  began. 

^  Now  it  did  unfortunately  happen  that  old  Lobbs  be- 
ing very  hungry  was  monstrous  cross.  Nathaniel  Pipkin 
could  hear  him  growling  away  like  an  old  mastiff  with  a 
sore  throat ;  and  whenever  the  unfortunate  apprentice 
with  the  thin  legs  came  into  the  room,  so  surely  did  old 
Lobbs  commence  swearing  at  hUn  in  a  most  Saracenic 
and  ferocious  manner,  though  apparently  with  no  other 
end  or  object  than  that  of  easing  his  bosom  by  the  db- 
diarge  of  a  few  superfluous  oaths.  At  length  some  sup- 
per, which  had  been  warming  up,  was  placed  on  the  t»- 
ble,  and  then  old  Lobbs  fell  to,  in  regular  style ;  and  hav^ 
big  made  clear  work  of  it  in  no  time,  kissed  his  daughter, 
and  demanded  his  pipe. 

**  Nature  had  placed  Nathaniel  Pipkin's  knees  in  very 
dose  juxtaposition,  but  when  he  heard  old  Lobbs  d^nand 


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THE  nCKWIOK  CLUB.  68 

his  plpe^  thej  knocked  together,  as  if  tihey  were  going  to 
reduce  each  other  to  powder ;  for,  dependmg  from  a  couple 
of  hooks,  in  the  verj  closet  in  which  he  stood,  was  a  large 
biown-Btemmed  flilver-howled  pipe,  which  pipe  he  him* 
■elf  had  seen  in  die  mouth  of  old  Lohbe,  regularly  every 
aHemoon  and  evening,  for  the  last  five  years.  The  two 
girls  went  down^stairs  for  the  pipe,  and  up-stairs  for  the 
pipe,  and  everywhere  but  where  they  knew  the  pipe  was, 
and  old  Lobbs  stormed  away  meanwhile,  in  the  most  won- 
derful manner.  At  last  he  thought  of  the  closet,  and 
walked  up  to  it.  It  was  of  no  use  a  little  man  like  Na- 
thaniel Pipkin  pulling  the  door  inwards,  when  a  great 
strong  fellow  like  old  Lobbs  was  pulling  it  outwards.  Old 
Lobbs  gave  it  one  tug,  and  open  it  fiew,  disclosing  Na* 
thaniel  Pipkin  standing  bolt  upright  inside,  and  shaking 
with  appreheuMon  ik>m  head  to  foot«  Bless  us !  what  an 
appalling  look  old  Lobbs  gave  him,  as  he  dragged  him 
out  by  the  collar,  and  held  him  at  arm's  length. 

^  ^  Why,  what  the  devO  do  you  want  here  ?'  said  old 
Lobbs,  in  a  fearful  voice. 

^  Nathaniel  Pipkin  could  make  no  reply,  so  <Ad  Lobbs 
shook  him  backwards  and  forwards,  fyr  two  or  three  min- 
utes, by  way  of  arranging  his  ideas  for  him. 

^ '  What  do  you  want  here  ?'  roared  Lobbs ;  *  I  sup- 
pose you  have  come  after  my  daughter,  now  ?* 

^  Old  Lobbs  merely  said  this  as  a  sneer  i  for  he  did 
no(  believe  that  mortal  presumption  could  have  carried 
Nathaniel  Pipkin  so  far.  What  was  his  indignation, 
when  that  poor  man  replied — 

^^Tes,  I  did,  Mr.  Lobbs  —  I  did  come  after  your 
daughter.    I  love  her,  Mr.  Lobbs.' 

**  'Why,  you  snivelling,  wry-&eed,  puny  villain,'  gasped 
old  Lobl»,  paralyzed  by  the  atrocious  confession ;  <  what 


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64  POBTHUliOUS  FAFfiBB  OF 

do  yoa  mean  by  t&at  ?  Say  thia  to  my  &oe !  Dammidi 
111  throttle  you.' 

^  It  is  by  no  means  improbable  that  old  Lobbsr  wooU 
have  carried  this  threat  into  execution,  in  the  ezcees  of 
bifl  rage,  if  hia  arm  had  not  been  stayed  by  a  very  unex« 
peoted  apparition,  to  wit,  the  male  oousin,  who,  stepping 
out  of  his  cbset^  and  walking  up  to  old  Lobbe,  said — 

'^  ^  I  cannot  allow  this  harmless  person,  sir,  who  has 
been  asked  here,  in  some  girlish  frolic,  to  take  upon  him* 
8^,  in  a  very  noble  manner,  the  fault  (if  fisudt  it  is) 
which  I  am  guilty  of,  and  am  ready  to  avow.  /  love 
your  daughter,  sir ;  and  /  came  here  foe  the  purpose  d 
meeting  her/ 

^  Old  Lobbs  opened  his  eyes  very  wide  at  this,  but  not 
wider  than  Nathaniel  Pipkin. 

^' You  did?'  ssdd  Lobbs:  at  last  finding  breath  to 
qpeak. 

"'Idid.' 

^ '  And  I  forbade  you  Om  housd,  Vaog  agOir' 

^ '  Tou  did,  or  I  ^ould  not  have  been  here,  dandes^ 
tinely,  to-night.' 

"  I  am  sorry  to  record  it  of  old  Lobbs,  but  I  think  be 
would  have  struck  the  cousin,  if  his  pretty  daughter,  with 
her  bright  eyes  swimming  in  tears,  had  not  dung  to  his 
arm. 

" '  Don't  stop  him,  Maria,'  said  the  young  man :  ^  if  he 
has  the  will  to  strike  me,  let  him.  I  would  not  hurt  a 
hair  of  his  gray  head  for  the  riches  of  the  workU' 

^  The  old  man  cast  down  his  eyes  at  this  reproof,  and 
they  met  those  of  has  daughter.  I  have  hinted  once  or 
twice  before,  that  they  were  very  bright  eyeS|  and,  though 
they  were  tearftd  now,  their  influence  was  by  no  means 
lessened.    Old  Lobbs  turned  his  head  away,  as  if  to  avoid 


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THl  PICKWICK  CLUB.  65 

being  persnadea  by  tbem,  when,  as  fortune  woold  have  it, 
he  encountered  the  face  of  the  wicked  little  cousin,  who, 
half  afraid  for  her  brother,  and  half  laughing  at  Nathan- 
iel Pipkin,  presented  as  beAvitching  an  expression  ot 
countenance,  with  a  touch  of  slyness  in  it  too,  as  any 
man,  old  or  young,  need  look  upon.  She  drew  her  arm 
cooxingly  through  the  old  man's,  and  whispered  some- 
thing in  his  ear;  and  do  what  he  would,  old  Lobbs 
OQuMn't  hdp  breaking  out  into  a  smile,  while  a  tear  stole 
down  hiB  cheek,  at  the  same  time« 

"  Five  minutes  after  this,  the  gnrls  were  brought  down 
from  the  bedroom  with  a  great  deal  of  girling  and  mod- 
esty ;  and  while  the  young  people  were  uHiking  them- 
selTCs  ptrCocdy  happy,  old  Lobbs  got  down  the  pipe, 
and  smoked  it:  and  it  was  a  remarkaMe  dreumstanee 
about  tliat  particular  pipe  of  t6baooo,  that  it  was  the 
moat  soothing  and  ddightfbl  one  he  ever  smoked. 

<<  Nathaniel  Pipkin  thought  it  best  to  keep  his  own 
counsel,  and  by  so  doing  gradually  rose  into  hAf^  favor 
with  old  Labbs,  who  taught  him  to  smoke  in  time ;  and 
they  used  to  sit  out  in  the  garden  on  the  fine  evenings, 
for  many  yean  afterwaids,  smddng  and  drinking  in 
great  state.  He  soon  recovered  fi-om  the  efieets  of  his 
attachment,  for  we  find  his  name  in  the  parish  register, 
AS  a  witness  to  the  marriage  of  Maria  Lobbs  to  her 
cooaii ;  and  it  also  i^pears,  by  reference  to  other  docu- 
ments, that  on  the  night  of  the  wedding,  he-  was  incar- 
cerated in  the  village  cage,  for  having,  in  a  state  of 
extreme  intoxicaition,  committed  sundry  excesses  in  the 
streets,  in  all  of  which  he  was  aided  and  abetted  by  the 
boqy  i4>prentice  with  the  thin  1^^"* 


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66  POSTHUMOUa  PAPXR8  OF 


CHAPTER  XVllL 


0EIBFLT    ]I.LD8TftikTrTE    Of    TWO    POIKT8  J  —  1 

THE    POWER    OF    HTStBBIOS,  AND,    BBOOlfDLTy  TSB 
rOBOB  OF  CUDOUKSTAMOBS. 

For  twa  daje  after  the  breakfast  at  Mrs.  Hmler^s,  Uie 
Piokwiokiaos  remained  at  EatanswiU,  anxiously  await- 
ing tlie  futiyal  ot  aone  tntdligencB  from  tlieir  revered 
l^d^»  Mr*  Tupnum  and  Mr.  Snodgcass  were  onee 
again  left  .to  tbeir  own  Qieaii«  of  amusement;  for  Mr. 

I  Winkle,  in  compliaace  with  a  meet  pressing  iwdtatkm, 
(Bominued  tQ  reside  al  Mr.  Potfs  hoosey  and  to  demote 

.his  tile  to  jhe  companiwMhip  of  his  amafala  Ia4y.    Nor 

.  was  the  r^ccasional  society  of  Mr.  Pott  himself  wanting 
to  complete  their  felicity.  Deeply  Immersed  in  the  in- 
tensity  of  his  specubtioBS  for  the  pnble  weal,  and  the 

.  destruction  of  the  Independent,  it  was  not  the  habit  of 
that  great  man  to  descend  from  his  mental  pinnacle  to 
the  humble  level  of  ordinary  minds.  Ob  this  orffaaimii 
however^  and  as  if  express^  in  oompliDiMit  to  any  M* 
lower  of  Mr.  Pid^wick's^  he  unbent,  relaxed,  stepped 
down  from  his  pedestalyand  wiriked  upon  the  grooBd: 
benignly  adapting  his  remad^s  to  the  oomprehenflioB  of 
tlie  herd,  and  seeming  in  o^itward  fbcm,  if  nc^  ia  qniit, 
to  be  one  of  them. 
Such  having  been  the  demeanor  <^  this  oelebraled 


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THB  PXCKWIGK  CLUB.  67 

public  character  towards  Mr.  WlnUe,  U  win  be  readily 
imagitied  that  ecm^tderable  8ttri>rise  was  depicted  on  the 
ecHUiteaaaee  of  the  latter  gmuletaan,  wheii;  aa  he  wm 
sitting  alone  in  the  breakfast-room,  the  doof  Wa3  hislily 
thiiown  open»  and  as  baslilj  closed,  on  the  entran6e  ik 
Mr«  Pott,  who,  stalking  mt^ealioally  towards  him^  and 
tlirusting  aside  his  proffered  hand,  ground  his  teeth,  as 
if  to  put  a  sharper  edge  on  what  he  was  about  to  utter, 
and  exclaim^Ml,  m  a  saw-4ike  voice,  *-^ 

"Serpent!" 

<'  Sir  I*'  exdaimed  Mn  Winkle^  stiotiiig  fhwa  his  chair 

^  Serpent,  sir  1  **  repeated  Mr.  Pott,  raising  his  voioe^ 
and  then  suddenlj  depressing  it ;  **1  sajd,  Serpent,  sir -i-^ 
make  the  uu^t  of  it." 

When  you  have  parted  with  a  man,  at  two  o'clock  in 
the  morning,  on  terms  of  the  utmost .  good4eUowship, 
and  he  meets  you  agiun,  at  half-past  nine,  and  greets 
you  as  a  serpent,  it  is  not  unreasonaUe  to  conclude  thai 
sometliiug  of  an  unpleaaant  nature  has  ocourred  mean-> 
while.  So  Mr.  Winkle  thou|^  He  retumed  Mr« 
Pott's  gaae  of  stone,  and,  in  compliance  with  that  geuh 
tkiaaa's  request,  pfooeeded  to^^mke  the  most  he  could 
of  tibe '^  serpent"  The  motft,bDweiver,  was  nothing  at  all; 
so^a^er  a  proftiuiid  ailenoe  of  some  minutes'  duration,  he 
said,'-*-" 

"^  Serpent,  sir  I  Serpent,  Mr.  Pott!  What  can  you 
mean,  sir  P  —  this  is  pleasantry^" 

^  Pleasantry,  sir  I "  exckumed  Pott,  with  a  motion  of 
the  hand,  indieatite  of  a  st^s^mg  desire  to  hurl  the  Britan- 
nia metal  teapot  at  the  head  of  his  visitor.  *^  Pleasantry, 
ik!-*— >but  no»  I  wiU  be  cakn^  I  will  be  calm,  sir:** 
m  proof  of  his  ealnmess,  Mr.  Pott  fluag  himself  into  a 
chair,  and  foamed  at  the  mouth. 


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6a  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

^  Mj  dear  nr,^  interposed  Mr.  Winkle. 

**I}ear  sirP  replied  Poit  **  How  dare  700  addraaf 
me  as  dear  sir,  sir  ?  How  dare  70a  look  me  in  tfae  fiioe 
and  do  it,  sir?'* 

«  Wen,  sir,  if  70a  eome  to  that,**  responded  Mr.  Win- 
kle, ^  bow  dare  70a  look  me  in  the  face,  and  call  me  a 
serpent,  sir  ?  ** 

^  Because  70a  are  one,"  replied  Mr.  Pott 

"  Prove  it,  sir,"  said  Mr.  Winkle,  warmty.  «  Prove 
it" 

A  malignant  scowl  passed  over  the  profbmid  hce  of 
tiie  editor,  as  he  drew  from  his  pocket  the  Independent 
of  that  morning ;  and  la7ing  his  finger  on  a  particalar 
paragraph,  threw  the  journal  across  the  table  to  Mr. 
Winkle. 

That  gentleman  took  it  np,  and  read  as  follows :  — 

"Our  obscure  and  filth7  contemporar7,  in  some  dis- 
gusting observations  on  the  recent  election  for  this  bor- 
ough,  has  presumed  to  violate  the  hallowed  sancdt7  of 
private  Hfe,  and  to  refer,  in  a  manner  not  to  be  misQn- 
derstood,  to  the  personal  affairs  of  our  late  candidate  — 
a7e,  and,  notwithstanding  his  base  defeat,  we  will  add, 
our  future  member,  Mr.  Fizkin.  What  does  our  das- 
tardl7  contemporaT7  mean?  What  would  the  mffiaa 
sa7,  if  we,  setting  at  nought,  like  him,  the  decencies 
of  social  intercourse,  were  to  nuse  the  curtain  widdi 
happil7  conceals  his  private  life  from  general  ridicule^ 
not  to  8a7  iVom  general  execration  ?  What,  if  we  were 
even  to  point  out,  and  comment  on,  fiicts  and  dream- 
stances,  which  are  public^  notorious,  and  beheld  b7 
ever7  one  but  our  mole-e7ed  contemponny  —  what  if 
We  wore  to  print  the  following  effbsion,  which  we  re- 
ctiivcd  while  we  were  writing  the  commencement  of 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  69^ 

fliis  article^  fhym  a  talented  fi^knr-townamaa  and  ootw 
respondent ! 

M«UNS8  TO  A  BRASa  POT. 


"< '  Ok  Pbtt!  if  you'd  kavwn 
How  fiUse  abe'd  have  grown, 

When  70a  heard  the  marriage  belb  tinkle; 
Toa*d  hare  done  theOf  I  row, 
What  yon  cannot  Mp  now, 

And  handed  her  over  to  W  •  •  •  •  ♦  • 


^  What,"  said  Mr.  Pott,  solannl j :  ^  what  rhymes  to 
•  linkle,'  villain  ?  " 

«  What  rhymes  to  tinkle  ? "  said  Mrs.  Pott,  whose 
entrance  at  the  moment  forestalled  the  reply.  ^  What 
rhymes  to  tinkie  ?  Why,  Winkle,  I  should  conceive.'* 
Saying  this,  Mns.  Pott  smiled  sweetly  ott  the  disturbed 
Pickwickian,  and  extended  her  hand  towards  hkn.  The 
agitated  young  man  would  have  accepted  it,  in  his  con- 
fusion, had  not  Pott  indignantly  interposed* 

''Back,  ma'am  — foaokl"  said  the  ecBtor.  "^Take 
bis  hand  before  mf  retj  faoeP 

*^  Mr.  P  I "  said  his  astonished  hidy. 

''Wretched  woman,  look  here,"  exclaimed  the  has* 
liand.  "Lo(^  here,  ma*am  —  ^  Lines  to  a  Brass  Pot' 
^ Brass  pot';  —  thafs  me,  ma'am.  < False  skt^d  have 
grown ';  — that's  yon,  ma'am  —  yoo."  With  this  ebul 
lition  of  rage,  which  was  not  nnaooompanied  with  some- 
thing like  a  tremble,  at  the  expression  of  his  wife's  face, 
Mn  Pott  dashed  the  corrent  number  of  the  Eatanswill 
Independent  at  her  (bet 

^  Upon  my  word,  m,"  siud  the  astonished  Mrs.  Pott, 
stooping  to  pidL  up  the  paper.     "  Upon  my  word,  sir  1 " 


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70  POSTHUMOUS  PAPEBS  OF 

Mr.  Pott  winced  beneath  tlie  oontemptoons  .gase  of  h» 
wife.  He  had  made  a  desperate  struggle  to  screw  up 
his  courage,  but  it  was  fast  coming  unscrewed  again. 

There  appeam  modBng  Ttfry  tremendous  in  this  Utile 
sentence,  ^  Upon  my  word,  sir,**  when  it  comes  to  be 
read ;  but  the  tone  of  VK^ce  in  which  it  was  ddivered, 
and  the  look  that  accompanied  it,  both  seeming  to  bear 
reference  to  some  revenge  to  be  thereafter  visited  apoo 
the  head  of  Pott,  produced  their  full  effect  upon  lum. 
The  most  unskilful  observer  could  have  detected  in  his 
troubled  countenance  a  readiness  to  resign  his  WeUing- 
ton  boots  to  any  efficient  substitate  who  would  have  con- 
sented to  stand  in  them  at  that  moment. 

Mrs.  Pott  read  the  paragraph,  uttered  a  loud  ahri^ 
and  threw  herself  at  fhll  length  on  the  hearth-rug,  scream- 
ing, and  tapping  it  with  the  heels  of  her  shoes,  in  a  man- 
ner which  could  leave  no  doubt  of  tile  propriety  <^  her 
feelings  on  the  occasion. 

«"  My  dear,''  said  the  terrified  Potti—^ I  didn't  say  I 

believed  it;-p-I "  but  the  unfortunate  man's  vmce 

was  drowned  in  the  screaming  of  his  partner. 

'*  Mrs.  Pott,  let  me  entreat  yoa,  my  dear  ma'am,  to 
compose  yourself,"  said  Mr.  Winkle ;  bat  the  shrieks  and 
lapping  were  loader  and  more  frequmit  than  ever. 

''  My  doar,"  saidMr^Pott,  ^lam  very  aocry.  If  you 
won't  consider  your  ewn  health,  consider  me,  my  dear. 
We  shall  have  a  crowd  round  the  house."  But  the  more 
strenuously  Mr«  Pott  entreated,  the  more  vehemenl^ 
the  screams  pouted  forth* 

Very  fortunately,  hoirever,  attached  U>  Mrs.  PottTfl 
person  was  a  body-guard  of  one,  a  young  lady  whose  oa* 
tenslble  empk>yment  was  to  preside  over  h&r  toilet,  but 
who  rendered  heiaelf  useful  in  a  variety  <^  ways,  and  in 


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TflB  nCKWiCK  CLUB.  71 

none  moie  so  IfafiQ  in  the  pttrtteiilar  departaent  of  con- 
stautlj  aiding  and  abetting  her  mistrefls  in  eveiy  wufa 
and  inclination  oppoeed  to  the  desires  of  the  unhappj 
Pott  The  screams  reached  this  young  lady's  ears  in  due 
eoorse,  and  broaghther  hito  the  room  with  a  speed  which 
Ibreatened  to  derange  materiallj  the  very  ft-gq«^if»*ft  ar- 
iaiigement  of  her  cap  and  ringlets* 

^^Oh,  my  dear,. dear  nustressl"  ezdained  the  body- 
gumid,  Isneding  frantically  by  the  aide  of  the  prostrate 
Mrs.  Pott  ^  Oh,  my  dear  mistress,  what  is  the  mat- 
ter?" 

M  Your  master*^ your  brutal  master,"  murmured  the 
patient. 

Pott  was  eridently  giirmg  way. 

^Ic^s  a  riuune,''  said  the  body-guard,  leproaehfiilly. 
**I  know  he'll  be  the  deatbon  yon,  ma'am.  Poor  dear 
thing  I " 

He  gave  way  more.  The  oppodle  party  fbllowed  up 
the  aiiaek. 

^  Oh  don't  leave  me -^  don't  leave  me,  Goodwin," 
raurmnred  Mrs.  Pott,  dutohuig  at  the  wrists  of  the  said 
Goodwin  with  an  hysteric  jerk.  ^  You're  the  only  per* 
Bon  thaf  a  kind  to  me,  Goodwin." 

At  this  affiMdng  appeal,  Goodwin  giA  up  a  little  do- 
mestic tragedy  of  her  own,  and  shed  tears  cop&ously. 

"  Never,  ma^am  —never,"  said  Goodwin.  "  Oh,  sir, 
you  should  be  carefuL — yo9k  should  indeed;  you  dcoi't 
know  whali  harm  you  may  do  missis;  yonll  be  sorry  for 
U  one  day,  I  know  —  I've  always  said  so." 

The  unlucky  Pott  looked  timidly  on,  but  said  nothing. 

^  Goodwin,"  said  Mrs.  Pott,  in  a  soft  voio& 

^  Ma'am,"  said  Goodwin. 

**  If  you  only  knew  how  I  have  loved  that  man  **— — . 


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72  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

^  Don't  distreae  Tourself  by  reooUeedng  it,  ma'am," 
said  the  bodj-goard. 

Pott  looked  yery  frigiitened.  It  was  time  to  finiah 
him. 

«  And  now,"  sobbed  Mrs.  Pott  —  **now,  after  all,  to 
be  treated  in  this  waj ;  to  be  reproached  and  insulted  in 
the  presence  of  a  third  party,  and  that  party  almost  a 
stranger.  But  I  will  not  submit  to  it  I  Goodwin,"  oon- 
&ued  Mrs.  Pott,  raising  herself  in  ^e  arms  of  her  at- 
tendant, "my  brother,  the  LieutCDant,  shall  interfere, 
m  be  separated,  Goodwin." 

"  It  would  certainly  serve  him  right,  ma'am,"  said 
Goodwin. 

Whatever  thoughts  the  threat  of  a  separation  might 
have  awakened  in  Mr.  Pott's  mind,  he  forebore  to  give 
utterance  to  them,  and  contented  himself  by  saying,  with 
great  humility,  — 

**  My  dear,  will  you  hear  me  ?  *• 

A  fresh  train  of  sobs  was  the  only  reply,  as  Mrs.  Pott 
grew  more  hysterical,  requested  to  be  informed  why  she 
was  ever  bom,  and  required  sundry  other  pieces  of  in- 
fbrmatiott  of  a  skmlar  description. 

"  My  dear,"  remonstrated  Mr.  Pott,  **  do  not  give  way 
to  these  sensitive  feelings.  I  never  believed  that  the 
paragraph  had  any  foundation,  my  dear  —  impossible.  I 
was  only  angry,  my  dear— *I  may  say  outrageous  — 
with  the  Independent  people  for  daring  to  insert  it ;  thafs 
all : "  Mr.  Pott  cast  an  imploring  look  at  the  innocent 
cause  of  the  mischief,  as  if  to  entreat  him  to  say  nothing 
about  the  serpent. 

''  And  what  steps,  sir,  do  yon  mean  to  take  to  obtain 
redress  ?  "  inquired  Mr.  Winkle,  gaining  courage  as  he 
saw  Pott  losing  it 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  78 

**  Oh,  Groodwin,"  observed  Mrs.  Pott,  "  does  he  mean 
to  horsewhip  &»  editor  of  the  Independent  —  does  he, 
Goodwin?** 

**  Hush,  hash,  ma'am ;  pray  keep  yourself  quiet,'*  re- 
plied the  body-guard.  **  I  dxre  say  he  will,  if  you  wish 
it,  ma'am." 

<*  Certainly,*'  said  Pott,  as  his  wife  evinced  decided 
symptoms  of  going  off  again.    ^  Of  course  I  shall." 

•*  When,  Goodwin— when?"  said  Mrs.  Pott,  still  un- 
decided about  the  going  off. 

"<  Immediately, of  course,'^  said  Mr. Pott;  ^before  tbe 
day  is  out" 

<<0h,  Goodwin,"  resumed  Mrs.  Pott,  «it's  the  only 
way  of  meeting  the  slander,  and  setting  me  right  witli 
the  world." 

^  Certainly,  ma'am,"  replied  Goodwin.  *^  No  man  as 
is  a  man,  ma'am,  could  refuse  to  do  it" 

So,  as  the  hysterics  were  still  hoYering  about,  Mr. 
Pott  said  once  more,  thai  he  would  do  it ;  but  Mrs.  Pott 
was  so  overcome  at  the  bare  idea  of  having  ever  been 
suspected,  that  she  was  half-a-dozen  times  on  the  very 
verge  of  a  relapse,  and  most  unquestionably  would  have 
gone  off,  had  it  not  been  for  the  indefatigable  efforts  of 
the  assiduous  Goodwin,  and  repeated  entreaties  for  par- 
don fi^om  the  conquered  Pott ;  and  &ially,  when  that 
unhappy  individual  had  been  frightened  and  snubbed 
down  to  his  proper  level,  Mrs.  Pott  recovered,  and  they 
went  to  In-eak&st 

^  You  will  not  allow  this  base  newspaper  sland^ar  to 
shorten  your  stay  here,  Mr.  Winkle  ?"  said  Mrs.  Pott, 
vuling  through  the  traces  of  her  tears. 

^  I  hope  not,"  said  Mr.  Pott,  aetuatedy  as  he  spoke. 


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74  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

by  a  widh  that  his  Ti^tor  would  ^ohoke  bimielf  with  the 
morsel  of  dry  toast  which  he  was  raisi]^  to  Ms  fipa  at 
the  moment :  and  bo  terminate  his  stay  effectnalty. 

**  I  hope  not'* 

"  You  are  very  good,"  0aid  Mr.  Winkle ;  "but  a  let- 
ter has  been  received  from  Mr.  Pickwick — so  Ileani 
by  a  note  fix>m  Mr.  Tnpman,  which  was  bron^  ap  to 
my  bedroom  door,  this  morning — in  ^^ch  he  requests 
119  to  join  him  at  Bury  to-day;  and  we  are  to  leave  l^ 
the  coach  at  noon." 

«  Bat  you  wfll  come  bade  ?**  said  Mrs.  Pott 

«*  Oh,  certainly,"  replied  Mr.  Wmkle. 

■^  Tou  are  quite  sure  ?"  Siud  Mrs.  Potty  steaHi^  a  tender 
look  at  her  visitor. 

«  Quite,"  responded  Mr.  Winkle, 

The  breakftst  passed  off  in  siience,  for  each  member 
of  the  party  was  brooding  over  his,  or  her,  own  personal 
grievances.  Hn.  Pott  was  regretting  tiie  loss  of  a  beau ; 
Mr.  Pott  his  rash  pledge  to  horsewhip  the  Independent; 
Mr.  Winkle  his  havii^r  innocently  pb»ed  hknsdf  in  so 
awkward  a  situation.  Noon  approached,  and  after 
many  adienx  and  promises  to  return,  he  tore  Idmsdf 
away. 

<*  If  he  ever  comes  bade,  Fll  poisoa  Mm,"  Hkmi^ 
Mr.  Pott,  as  he  turiied  into  the  little  back  office  where 
he  prepared  his  thunderbolts. 

^  F  I  ever  do  come  bade,  and  mix  mysdf  up  whk 
these  people  again,"  thought  Mr.  Winlde,  as  he  wended 
his  way  to  the  Peacock,  ^  I  skaJl  deserve  to  be  horse- 
whipped  myself — thatfs  all." 

His  friends  were  ready,  the  coach  was  nearly  so^  and 
hi  half«aB-hoar  they  were  {noceeding  on  their  joum^, 


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THE  PICKWIOK  CLUB.  78 

the  road  atrer  wludi  Mr.  Pu^wick  and  Sam  had 
BO  reoentlj  travelled,  and  of  which,  as  we  have  alread j 
said  someUung,  we  do  not  feed  called  upon  toeztract  Mr. 
Snodgrass's  poetical  and  beautifiil  descriptioD.     - 

Mr.  Weller  waa  Htandiiig  at  the  door  of  the  Angel, 
teady  to  reeeive  them,  and  hj  that  gentlemaa  they  weK 
nshered  to  the  apartmentof  Mr.  Pickwick,  where,  to  the 
no  anuOl  mirprise  of  Mr.  Winkle  and  Mr.  Snodgraas,  and 
the  no  small  embamssmeiit  of  Mr.  Tupman,  they  found 
old  Wardle  and  TmndOe. 

^  How  are  you?**  aaid  the  old  man,  grasping  Mr. 
Tupman's  hand.  ^  Don't  hang  back,  ot  look  sentimental 
about  it;  it  can't  be  helped,  old  fellow.  For  her  sake,  I 
wish  jToifd  had  her ;  for  joor  own,  Fm  yery  g^  70a 
hare  not.  A  jom^  fellow  like  you,  will  do  bettar  one 
of  these  days— eh?"  With  this  consolation^  Wardle 
slapped  Mr;  Tupman  on  the  baok»  and  laughed  hearts 

ay. 

<"  Well,  and  how  are  yon,  my  fine  fdbws  ?  *  said  the 
.old  gentleman,  shakiag  hands  with  Mr.  Winkle  and  Mr. 
foodgrasB  1^  the  same  time.  ^  I  have  just  been  telliag 
Pickwick  that  we  must  have  you  all  down  at  Christ* 
mas.  We^re  gomg  le  have  a  wedding**— a  real  wedding 
thisdaie.'' 

<«A  wedding!"  exclaimed  Mr.  Snadgra8S»  turning 
TBvy  pale. 

**  Tes,  awed^ng.  Bnt  don't  be  ftig^itened,"  said  the 
food^umored  old  man  $  ^  if  s  aafy  Trundle  there,  and 
Bella." 

""  Oh,  is  that  all?"  said  Mr.  Sw>dgras8,  relieved  fitn 
a  painful  doubt  midch  had  hXkai  heavily  on  his  bireest. 
**  Give  yon  joy,  sir*    How  is  Joe?" 


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76  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

"  Oh,  he ;  —  veiy  well,''  replied  the  old  gentle 
•*  Sleep7  as  ever." 

^  And  jour  mother,  and  the  clergyman,  and  all  of  'em  ?" 

«  Quite  well" 

**  Where,"  said  Mr*  Tupman,  with  an  effort— «  where 
is-— J^  sir  ? "  and  he  turned  awaj  his  bead,  and  cor- 
ered  his  eyes  with  his  hand. 

'^  JSke/  "  said  the  old  gentleman,  with  a  knowing  shake 
of  the  head.    ^  Do  you  mean  niysingb  relative—^  eh?" 

Mr.  Tupman,  by  a  nod,  intimated  that  his  question 
applied  to  the  disappointed  BaehaeL 

^  Oh,  she's  gone  away,"  said  the  oM  gentleman.  ^  She's 
living  at  a  relation's,  &r  enough  eff.  She  couldn't  bear 
to  see  the  girls,  so  I  let  her  go.  But  come  I  Here's  the 
dumer.  You  must  be  hungry  after  your  ride.  I  am, 
without  any  ride  at  all ;  so  let  us  fall  to." 

Ample  jostiee  was  done  to  the  meal ;  and  when  they 
were  seated  round  the  table,  after  it  had  been  disposed 
of,  Mr.  Pickwick,  to  the  intense  horpor  and  indignation 
of  his  fi>llow»^  related  the  adyenture  he  had  undergone^ 
and  the  success  which  had  attended  the  base  artifices  of 
the  diabolical  Jingle. 

^  And  the  attack  of  rheumatism  which  I  caught  in  that 
garden,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick,  in  conclusion,  ^  renders  me 
lame  at  Uiis  moment." 

<*  I,  too,  have  had  something  of  an  adventure,"  said 
Mr.  Winkle,  with  a  smile  |  and  at  the  request  of  Mr. 
Pickwick,  he  detailed  the  malicioos  libel  of  the  Eatan- 
swill  Independent,  and  the  consequent  excitement  of 
their  firiend,.the  editor. 

Mr.  Pickwick's  brow  darkened  daring  the  reoitaL 
Ilis  friends  observed  it,  and»  when  Mr.  Winkle  had 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  77 

eondudod,  maiBtained  a  profound  silQQoe.  Mr.  Fiek- 
wick  struck  the  table  emphatioallj  witih  hia  clenched 
fist,  and  spoke  as  follows:  — 

^  Is  it  not  a  wonderful  drcumstanoe,"  said  Mr.  Pick- 
wick, "  that  we  seem  destined  to  enter  no  man's  house^ 
without  involying  him  in  some  degree  of  trouble  ?  Does 
It  not,  I  ask,  bespeak  the  indiscretion,  or,  worse  than 
that,  the  blackness  of  heart —  that  I  should  saj  so  I  —  of 
my  followers,  that  beneath  whatever  roof  they  locate, 
they  disturb  the  peace  of  mind  and  happiness  of  some 
eonfiding  female  ?    Is  it  not,  I  si^  " 

Mr.  Pickwick  would  in  all  probability  have  gone  on 
for  some  time,  had  not  the  entrance  of  Sam,  with  a  let- 
ter, caused  him  to  break  off  in  his  eloquent  discourse. 
He  passed  his  handkerchief  across  his  forehead,  took  off 
his  spectacles,  wiped  them,  and  pat  them  on  again ;  and 
his  voice  had  recovered  its  wonted  softness  of  tone,  when 
he  said, — 

«  What  have  you  there,  Sam  ?  " 

^  Called  at  the  Post^ffice  just  now,  and  found  this 
here  letter,  as  has  laid  there  for  two  days,"  replied  Mr. 
Weller.    ^  If  s  sealed  vith  a  vafer,  and  directed  in  round 


^  I  don't  know  this  hand,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick,  opening 
the  letter.  ^  Mercy  on  us  I  what^s  this  ?  It  must  be  a 
jest ;  it-*- it —  can't  be  true." 

^  What's  the  matter  ?  "  was  ihe  general  inquiry. 

*^  Nobody  dead,  is  there?"  sndWardle,  alarmed  at  the 
horror  in  Mr.  Pickwick's  countenance. 
.  lyir.  Pickwick  made  no  reply,  but,  pushing  the  letter 
across  the  table,  and  desbing  Mr.  Tupman  to  read  it 
aloud,  fell  back  in  his  chair  with  a  look  of  vacant  astoo- 
.Ishment  quite  alarming  to  behold. 


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7B  POSTHTTMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

*  Ml'.  Tupman,  with  a  trembling  Toiee,  read  the  lettfliv 
of  which  the  following  is  a  copy :  — 

FreemaiCt  Oourtj  O&rrMB, 

Augmt  28<^  1880. 
BntrdeH  against  Piekw^sk. 
Sir, 

Having  been  instrurted  by  Mn.  Mar^M  BardM, 
to  commence  an  action  agcdnst  you^fhr  a  hreaek  of  prom- 
isB  of  marriage,  for  which  theplcdntiff  lags  her  damages 
at  fifteen  hundred  pounds,  we  beg  to  inform  gou  that  a 
writ  has  been  issued  against  gou  in  this  suit,  in  the  Oouri 
of  Common  Pteas;  and  request  to  know,  bg  return  of 
post,  the  name  of  your  attomeg  in  London,  who  wUl  a»» 
cept  service  thereof. 

We  are,  Sir, 

Tour  obedient  servants, 

Dodson  and  fhgg. 
Mr.  Samuel  Pickwick. 

*  There  was  something  so  impiiessive  hi  the  mute  astoo* 
IsAmient  with  which  eadi  man  r^airded  his  neighbor, 
and  everj  man  regarded  Mr.  Pickwick,  that  all  seemed 
afVaid  to  speak.  The  silence  was  at  length  brdten  by 
Mr.  Tupman. 

"  Dodson  and  Fogg,**  he  repeated  medumieaHy. 

<<  Bardell  and  Pickwick,**  said  Mr.  Snodgrass,  musing. 

"  Peace  of  mind  and  happiness  of  confiding  femal^** 
murmured  Mr.  Winkle  with  an  ahr  of  abstraedon. 

^  It's  a  conspiracy,*  said  Mr.  Pickwiek,  at  length  ro- 
oorering  the  power  ot  speech ;  ^a  base  eonspitaey  be- 
tween Oiese  two  grasinng  attorneys,  Dodson  and  Fogg. 
Birs.  BardeU  would  never  do  it;  —  she  hasnH  the  heart 


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THE  PI0CWK3K  CLUB.  79 

t»*>it;~8lielia0ii't  thecan  to4eit    BUkmiom^ 
ridiculoaB." 

""Of  bar  htir^"  aud  Wavfie,  widi  a  mile,  ^700 
Bhould  certainlj  he  tha  beet  judge.  I  donH  wisk  to  dii- 
ooorage  70a,  but  I  fbaiiU  oertaialj  eaj  that,  ef  her  oaee 
Dodson  and  Fogg  are  fiur  better  jud^^  than  aoj  of  m 
can  be." 

^l€s  a  vile  attenqit  to  extort  monej^**  nid  Me.  FUk* 
wkk. 

''I  hope  k  !%"  aaid  Waidle,  with  a  diort  dry 
coagh. 

^  Who  ever  heard  me  address  her  in  an j  way  hut  that 
itt  which  a  lodger  would  addren  his  landkdj  ?  **  conAmr  • 
oed  Mr.  Pioicwick,  with  gieatt  vdKemenee.    ^Whoever 
saw  me  with  her  ?    Not  even  my  friends  here  " 

^Except  on  one  oecaakait"  said  Mr.  Tapoun* 

Mr.  Pickwick  changed  color. 

^^Ah^^aaftd  WanOe.  "<  Well,  that^a  inqiortant  There 
wat  notfaiag  aaspiebus  tben,  I  soppoee  ?  " 

Mr.  Tapman  g^aneed  timidly  at  his  leader.  ^  Whyf" 
he  said,  ^  there  was  nothing  suspknons;  but— I  don't 
know  how  it  happened,  mmid'^'flbs  cerlunly  was  redin- 
ing  in  his  arms." 

^  Gracious  powers  I "  ejacnkted  Miv  I^okwiek,  at  the 
reeollection  of  the  aoeae  in  qmertian  fltrvek  forcibly  upon 
him ;  *^  what  a  dreadful  hialanee  of  the  force  of  ciroam* 
stances  I     So  she  was  —  so  she  was." 

^  And  our  friend  was  soothing  her  anguudb,"  said  Mr. 
Winkle,  rather  maliciously. 

"^  So  I  was,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick.  « I  won't  deny  iA» 
80  I  was." 

""HaUol"  saidWaidle;  <«  for  a  case  in  wUeh  thete'a 
aaihing  su^msoiis,  thia  looks  rather  queer'— eh,  Pieki* 


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80^  POSTHUMOUS  PAEEBS  OP 

mA?    A&;8l3rdog~BljrdogP  and  he laii|^  till  th« 
glasses  on  the  sideboard  rang  again. 

^  What  a  dreadfid  conjunction  of  appearances !  **  ex- 
claimed Mr.  Pickwick,  resting  his  chin  npon  his  hands. 
"Winkle — Tapman  —  I  beg  yonr  pardon  fix*  the  ob- 
servations I  made  ju3t  now.  We  are  all  the  victims  of 
drciunstances,  and  I  the  greatest"  With  this  apology, 
Mr.  Pickwick  baried  his  head  in  his  hands,  and  rumi- 
nated ;  while  Wardle  measured  out  a  regular  circle  of 
nods  and  winks,  addressed  to  the  other  mendben  of  the 
company. 

""Ill  have  it  eaq>lained,  though,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick, 
raising  his  head,  and  hammering  the  table.  "  m  see 
this  Dodaon  and  Fogg!  Fll  go  to  London  to-mof«- 
row." 

"  Not  to^BKnTOw,"  said  Wardle ;  **  you're  too  lame.* 

"  WeU  then,  next  day.** 

"Next  day  is  the  first  of  Septemb^,  and  you're 
pledged  to  ride  out  with  us  as  £v  as  Skt  Qeofl&ey  Man- 
ning's grounds,  at  all  events,  and  to  meet  us  at  lunch,  if 
you  don't  take  the  field." 

"Well  then,  die  day  after,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick; 
"Thursday.— Sam  1" 

"  Sir,"  repUed  Mr.  WeDer. 

"Take  two  places  outside  to  London,  on  Thunday 
morning,  for  yourself  and  me." 

"  Wery  well,  sir." 

Mr.  Weller  left  the  room,  and  departed  slowly  on  his 
ermnd,  with  his  hands  in  his  pockets,  and  bis  eyes  fixed 
on  the  ground. 

"  Rum  feller,  the  hemperor,"  said  Mr.  Weller,  as  be 
walked  slowly  up  the  street.  "Think  o'  his  making  up 
to  that  'ere  Mrs.  Bardell  —  vith  a  little  boy,  too  I    Al- 


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8S  POSTHUMOUa  PAPSItS  07 


CHAPTER  XIX. 

A  PLBA8ANT  DAT,  WITH  AN  UNPLEASANT  TEHMDfATIOKi 

The  birds,  who,  hi^pilj  for  their  own  peace  of  mindi 
and  personal  comfort,,  were  in  blissful  ignorance  of  the 
preparations  which  had  been  making  to  astonish  ihem«  on 
the  first  of  September,  hailed  it  no  doubt,  as  one  c£  the 
pleasantest  mornings  thej  had  seen  that  season.  Manj 
a  joung  partridge  who  strutted  complacently  among  the 
stubble,  with  all  the  finicking  coxcombry  of  yonth,  and 
many  an  older  one  who  watched  his  levity  out  of  his  little 
round  eye,  with  the  contemptuous  air  of  a  bird  of  wisdom 
and  experience,  alike  unconscious  of  their  approaching 
doonu  basked  in  the  fresh  morning  air  with  Uvely  and 
blithesome  feelings,  and  »» few  hours  afterwards  were  laid 
bw  upon  the  earth.  But  we  grow  affecting:  let  us 
proceed. 

In  plain  commcmplaoe  matter-of-foct,  then,  it  was  a 
fine  morning  —  so  fine  that  you  would  scarcely  have  be- 
lieved that  the  few  months  of  an  English  summer  had 
yet  flown  by.  Hedges,  fields,  and  trees,  hill  and  moor- 
knd,  presented  to  the  eye  their  ever-varying  shades  of 
deep  rich  green  ;  scarce  a  leaf  had  fallen,  scarce  a 
sprinkle  of  yellow  mingled  with  the  hues  of  summer, 
warned  you  that  autumn  had  begun.  The  sky  was  cloud- 
less ;  the  sun  shone  out  bright  and  warm ;  the  songs  of 


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THE  nCKWlCK  CLUB.  88 

4>irds,  Mdd  hum  of  mjTiads  of  snmmer  ins^dta,  filled  die 
air ;  and  the  cottage  gardens,  crowded  with  flowers  of 
erery  rich  and  beautiful  tint,  sparkled,  in  tiie  heavy  dew« 
like  beds  of  glittering  jewels.  Everything  bore  the  stamp 
of  summer,  and  none  of  its  beauiiful  eolmrs  had  yel  faded 
from  the  dye  ? 

Such  was  the  morning,  when  an  open  caniagei,  in 
which  were  three  Pickwickiaos,  (Mr.  &iodgras8  laving 
preferred  to  remain  at  home,)  Mr.  WardlCy  and  Mr. 
Trundle,  wi^  Bam  Weller  on  ^e  box  beside  the  driver^ 
pulled  up  by  a  gate  at  the  roadside,  before  which  stood 
a  tall,  raw-boned  game-kee|^ry  and  a  half-booted^  leather- 
leg^ned  boy :  each  bearing  a  bag  of  oapaoiouB  dimen- 
sions, and  aooompaaied  by  a  totte  of  poinl^n. 

•<  I  say,"  whisj^ered  Mr.  Winkle  to  Wardk,  as  the  man 
let  down  the  steps,  ^  they  don't  suppose  we're  going  to 
kill  game  enough  to  W  those  bags,  do  th^?*^ 

<'  Pin  them  r  exeiahned  dd  Wardle.  "<  Bless  you, 
yes!  You  shall  fill  one,  and  I  the  other;  and  when 
we've  done  with  ^em,  tlie  pockets  of  our  shooting-jack- 
ets win  hold  as  much  more.*' 

Mr.  Winkle  dismounted  without  saying  anything  in  re- 
ply to  this  observation ;  but  he  thought  within  himdelf, 
tlmt  if  the  ^ttrty  remained  in  &e  opea  air,  until  he  had 
fflQed  <me  of  llie  bags,  diey  stood  a  considerable  cfaanee 
of  catching  colds  in  their  headb. 

*<  Hi,  Juno,  kss*^ hi,  old  girl ;  down,  Daph,  down," 
said  Wardle,  caressing  the  dogs.  ^  Sir  Qeofftey  still  hi 
Scotland,  of  course,  Martin  ?" 

llie  tall  game^keeper  replied  in  the  aArmative,  and 
looked  with  some  snrprise  from  Mr.  Winkld,  who  was 
hokiing  his  gun,  as  if  he  wished  hia  coat^pocket  to  save 
him  the  trouble  of  pulling  the  trigger,  to  Mr.  TupnuMi, 


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%A  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

who  was  holding  hia,  as  if  he  were  afraid  of  it — as  theare 
is  no  earthlj  reason  to  doubt  he  really  was. 

^  My  friends  are  not  much  in  the  way  of  this  sort  of 
thing  yet,  Martin,"  said  Wardle,  noticing  the  look.  "  Live 
and  learn,  you  know.-  They'll  be  good  shots  one  of  these 
days.  I  beg  my  friend  Winkle's  pardon,  though;  he  haR 
had  some  practice." 

Mr.  Winkle  smiled  feebly  over  his  blue  neckerchief  io 
acknowledgment  of  the  compliment,  and  got  himself  so 
mysteriously  entangled  with  his  gun,  in  his  modest  con- 
fusion, that  if  the  piece  had  been  loaded,  he  must  inevita- 
bly have  shot  himself  dead  upon  the  spot 

^  You  mustn't  handle  your  pieoe  in  that  'ere  way,  when 
you  come  to  have  the  charge  in  it,  sir,"  said  the  tall  gam^ 
keeper  gruffly,  '^  or  Fm  damned  if  you  won't  make  cold 
meat  of  some  on  us." 

Mr.  Winkle,  thus  admonished,  abruptly  altered  its  po- 
sition, and  in  so  doing,  contrived  to  bring  the  barrd  into 
pretty  smart  contact  with  Mr.  Weller's  head. 

^  Hallo  1"  said  Sam,  picking  tip  his  hat,  which  had  been 
knocked  off,  and  rubbing  his  temple.  ^  Blallo,  sir !  if  you 
comes  it  this  vay,  you'll  fill  one  o'  them  bags,  and  some* 
thing  to  spare,  at  one  fire." 

Here  the  leather-leggined  boy  laughed  very  heartily, 
and  then  tried  to  look  as  if  it  was  somebody  else,  where- 
at Mr.  Winkle  frowned  mi^tically. 

*<  Where  did  yott  tell  the  boy  to  meet  us  with  the  snack, 
Martin  ?  "  inquired  Wardk. 

^  Side  of  One-tree  Hill,  at  twelve  o'ckxsk,  sir." 

"^  Thafs  not  Sir  Qeoffrey's  land,  is  it ?" 

"<  No,  sir ;  but  itfs  ckse  by  it  If  s  CSi^tain  Boldw]|f s 
land ;  but  there'll  be  nobody  to  interrupt  us,  and  there's 
'  a  fine  bit  of  turf  there." 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  85 

"  Very  weH,"  sfud  old  Wardle.  "  Now  the  sooner  we're 
1^  the  better.  Will  jou  join  us  at  twelve,  then,  Pick- 
wick?'* 

Mr.  Pickwick  was  particolarlj  desirous  to  view  the 
sport,  the  more  especially  as  he  was  raUier  anxious  ia 
respect  of  Mr.  Winkle's  life  and  limbs.  On  so  inviting 
a  morning,  too,  it  was  veiy  tantaliring  to  turn  back,  and 
leave  his  fiiends  to  ecgoy  themselves.  It  was,  therefcre, 
with  a  very  rueful  air  that  he  repHed,  — 

**  Why,  I  suppose  I  must.* 

*^  AVt  tl^e  gentleman  a  shot,  sir  ?  "  inquired  the  long 
game-keeper. 

"*  No,"  replied  Wardle ;  ^  and  he's  lame  besides." 

^  I  should  very  much  like  to  go,*'  said  Mr.  Pickwick, 
«  very  much." 

Th^«  was  a  short  pause  o£  commiseration. 

'<  There's  a  barrow  t'other  side  the  hedge,"  said  the 
boy.  '^  If  the  gentleman's  servant  would  wheel  along 
the  paths,  he  could  keep  nigh  us,  and  we  oould  lift  it 
over  the  stiles  and  that" 

*^  The  wery  thing,"  said  Mr.  Weller,  who  was  a  party 
interested^  inasmuch  as  he  ardently  longed  to  see  the 
sport  ^  The  wery  thing.  Well  said,  Smallcheck ;  m 
kttre  it  out,  in  a  minute*" 

But  here  a  difficulty  arose.  The  long  game-keeper 
re6<dutely  protested  against  the  introduction  into  a  shoot- 
ing party,  of  a  gentleman  in  a  barrow,  as  a  gross  viola- 
tion of  all  established  rules  and  precedents. 

It  was  a  great  .ol:(Je9lion,  but  not  an  insurmountable 
one.  The  game-keeper  having  been  coaxed  and  feed, 
aiMi  having,  moreover,  eased  his  mind  by  ^punching"  the 
head  of  the  inventive  youth  who  had  first  suggested  the 
use  of  the  machine^  Mr.  Pickwick  was  placed  in  it,  and 


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86  POBTHUMOtTS  PAPERS  OP 

off  the  party  set;  Wiardle  and  the  long  game4ceeper  lead« 
ing  the  way,  and  Mr.  Pickwick  m  the  barrow,  propelled 
bj  Sam,  bringing  up  the  rear. 

^  Stop,  Sam,"  said  Mr.  Pidcwick,  when  they  had  got 
ludf  across  the  first  field* 

^  Whafs  the  matter  bow  ?**  said  Wardle. 

*•  I  won't  sufier  this  barrow  to  be  moved  anodier  stepy* 
said  Mr.  Piekwick>  resolutely,  ^mlees  Winkle  carriei 
that  gun  of  his,  in  a  <Ufierent  manner.'' 

^  How  am  I  to  carry  it  ?"  said  the  wretched  Winkle. 

^  Carry  it  with  the  muzzle  to  the  ground,*!  replied  Mr, 
Pickwick. 

^  It's  so  unsportsmsn-like/*  reasoned  Winkle. 

<<  I  don't  care  whether  i^s  uni^Knrtaman-like  or  not,** 
replied  Mr.  Pickwick ;  ^<  I  am  not  going  to  be  shot  in  a 
wheelbarrow,  Amt  the  sake  of  i^pearanoes^  to  please  any- 
body.'' 

**  I  know  the  gentleman'U  put  that  'ere  chai^  into 
somebody  afore  he's  dono)"  growled  the  long  man. 

«  Well,  weU  —  I  don't  mind,"  said  poor  Mr.  Winkle, 
taming  his  gunstodi  appermogt ; — **  there." 

»  Anythin'  for  a  quiet  life,"  said  Mr.  Wellor;  and  on 
they  went  again. 

**  Stop  I "  said  Mr.  Pickwick,  aiter  they  had  gona  a  few 
yards  farther. 

«  What  now  ?"  said  Wardle. 

''Thatgunof  Tupman'sisnotsafii:  I  knowitfeaV 
said  Mr.  Pickwick. 

''Eh?  WhatI  notsafe?"fiaidMr.  Tapman,inaion6 
of  great  alarm. 

''  Not  as  you  are  carrying  it,"  said  Mr.  Pickwi^.  '^I 
am  very  sorry  to  make  any  fiuiher  objection,  but  I  eatt- 
not  consent  to  go  on,  unless  you  oarry  it,  as  Winkle  dbee 
his." 

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THB  nOSiWKSL  CU7B.  87 

^I  tlutk  jta  had  hett»rAnS  Ifufl  the  loAg  gwn»<ktep- 
er,  <*  or  you're  quite  as  likely  to  lodge  the  charge  in  joat* 
self  SB  in  anything  elde." 

Mr.  Tupman)  with  the  mort  obligii^  haste,  plaeed  hia 
piece  in  the  podtion  required,  and  the  party  moTed  oo 
again ;  the  two  amateurs  marching  with  rerersed  arms^ 
like  a  couple  of  privates  at  a  royal  funeraL 

The  dogs  suddenly  came  to  a  dead  slop,  and  the  psriy 
advancing  stealthily  a  sibi^  paoe,  stopped  toow 

^  What* 6  the  matter  with  the  dogs'  legs  ?**  whispered 
Mr.  TVInkle.    ^  How  queer  they're  standing." 

"<  Hush,  can't  you  ?  "  ref>lied  Witrdle,  sofUy.  ^  Dim't 
you  see,  thei^'re  nudunga  point ?  " 

^Making  a  pomtPsaid  Mr.  WinUb,  staring  about 
him,  as  if  he  eicpected  to  disoQversoneparticQlar  beauty 
in  the  landacap^,  which  the  sagac&ous  animale  were  call- 
ing j^oial  attention  to.  <^  MakiiB^  a  pointl  What  are 
they  pointing  at  ?  " 

<'  Keep  ypur  eyes  open^''  said  Ward]9«  not  heeding  the 
question  ia  the  ezdtement  oi  the  moment  ^  Now  then.'* 

There  was  a  tharp  whirring  noise,  that  made  Mr. 
Winkle  start  back  as  if  he  had  been  shot  himself.  Bang, 
bang,  went  a  oonpleof  guns ;  — the  smoke  swept  qo&ckly 
away  over  the  field,  and  ended  into  the  «ir. 

«<  Where  are  thay ?"  said  Mr.  Winkle,  in  a  state  ef 
the  highest  excitement^  tumkig  round  and  round  in  aU 
directions.  '^  Where  are  they  ?  TeU  me  when  to  fire- 
Where  are  they  —  where  are  they  ?  " 

^  Wh&re  are  they  ? "  said  Wardle,  taking  up  a  brace 
of  birds  which  the  dogs  had  deposited  al  his  feet. 
•*  Where  are  they !     Why,  here  they  are." 

^No,  no;  I  mean  Ae  othec%"6aid  Ihe  bewildered 
Winkle. 


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88  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

<<  Far  enough  off,  bj*  Ib&^tei^''  replied  Wardle,  coolly 
reloading  his  gun. 

**  We  shall  veiy  likely  be  up  with  another  covey  in 
five  minutes,"  said  the  long  game-keeper.  ^  If  the  gentle- 
man begins  to  fire  now,  perhaps  he'U  just  get  the  shot 
out  of  the  barrel  by  the  time  they  rise." 

"Hal  ha!  ha !"  roared  Mr.  WeUer. 

^  Sam,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick,  compassionatmg  hii  M- 
lower's  confusion  and  embarrassment 

"Sir.** 

«  Don't  laugh." 

**  Certainly  not,  dr."  So,  by  way  of  indemnification, 
Mr.  Weller  contorted  his  features  from  behind  the  wheel- 
barrow, for  the  exclusive  amusement  of  the  boy  with  the 
leggings,  who  thereupon  burst  into  a  boisterous  laugh, 
and  was  summarily  eufied  by  the  long  game-keeper,  who 
wanted  a  pretext  for  taming  round,  to  hide  his  own  mer- 
riment. 

^ Bravo,  old  feUow !"  said  Wardle  to  Mr.  Topman ; 
**  you  fired  that  time,  at  all  events." 

**  Oh  yes,"  replied  Mr.  Tupman ;  with  conscious  pride. 
«I  let  it  off." 

^  Well  done.  Toull  hit  something  next  time,  if  you 
lock  sharp.    Very  easy,  aVt  it?" 

**  Yes,  it's  very  easy,"  said  Mr.  Tupman.  «  How  it 
hurts  one's  shoulder,  though.  It  n^u4y  knocked  nie 
backwards.  I  had  no  idea  these  small  fire-arms  kicked 
sa" 

**  Ah,"  said  the  old  gentleman,  smiling ;  **  youll  get 
used  to  it  in  time.  Now  then  —  all  ready  —  all  riglit 
with  the  barrow  there  ?  " 

«  AU  right,  sir,"  replied  Mr.  Weller. 

^  Come  along  then." 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  89 

^  Hold  hard,  air/'  said  Sam,  raising  the  barrow. 

^Ajf  ay,**  replied  Mr.  Pickwick;  and  on  they  went, 
as  briskly  as  need  be. 

^  Keep  that  barrow  back  now,"  cried  Wardle,  when 
it  had  been  hoisted  over  a  stile  into  another  field,  and 
Mr.  Pickwick  had  been  deposited  in  it  once  more. 

^  All  right,  sir/'  replied  Mr.-  Weller,  pausing. 

<*  Now  Winkle,"  said  the  old  gentleman,  ^  follow  me 
x^y,  and  don't  be  too  late  this  time." 

"^  Never  fear,"  said  Mr.  Winkle.  "^ Are  they  pointing  ?  " 

^  No,  no ;  not  now.  Quietly  now,  quietly."  On  they 
crept,  and  very  quietly  they  would  have  advanced,  if 
Mr.  Winkle,  in  the  performance  of  some  very  intricate 
evolutions  with  his  gun,  had  not  accidentally  fii'ed,  at  the 
most  critical  moment,  over  the  boy's  head,  exactly  in  the 
very  spot  where  the  tall  man's  brain  would  have  been, 
had  he  been  there  instead. 

<'  Why,  what  on  earth'did  you  do  that  for  ?  "  said  old 
Wardle^  as. the  birds  flew  unharmed  away* 

'*  I  never  saw  such  a  gun  in  my  life,"  replied  poor 
Winkle,  looking  at  the  lodL,  as  if  that  would  do  any 
good.     ^  It  goes  off,  of  its  own  accord.    It  taiU  do  it" 

""Will  do  it  I"  edioed  Wardle,  with  something  of 
irritation  in  his  .manner.  ^^  I  wish  it  would  kill  siNne* 
thing  cf  its  own  accord." 

^  It'll  do  that  a&>re  long,  sir,"  observed  the  tall  man,  hs 
a  k>w,  prophetic  voice. 

*<Wiiat  do  you  mean  by  that  observation,  sir?" 
inquired  Mr.  Winkle,  angrily. 

^  Never  mind,  sir,  never  mind,"  replied  the  long  game* 
keeper ;  « I've jw  fkmily  myself,  sir ;  and  this  here  boy's 
mother  will  get  something  handscMne  from  Sir  Geoffr^, 
tf  he'8  killed  on  his  land.     Load  agahi,  sir,  load  again." 


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90  POSTHUMOUS  PAPHtS  OF 

"  Take  away  hig  gun,"  cried  Mr.  Pickwiek  from  tlie 
barrow,  horrorHMricken  at  the  long  man's  datk  insinua- 
tions.   "Take  away  his  gun,  do  you  hear,  somebody?" 

Nobody,  however,  volunteered  to  obey  the  command  ; 
tend  Mr.  Winkle,  after  darting  a  rebellious  glance  at  Mr. 
Pickwick,  rekmded  his  gun,  and  proceeded  onwards  with 
tlie  rest 

We  are  bound,  on  the  authority  oi  Mr.  Pickwick,  to 
slate,  that  Mr.  Tupman's  mode  ot  proceeding  evinced 
far  more  of  prudence  and  deliberation,  than  that  adopted 
by  Mr.  Winkle.  Still,  this  by  no  means  detracts  from 
the  great  authority  of  the  latter  gentleman,  on  all  mat- 
ters connected  with  the  ileld ;  because,  as  Mr.  Pickwiek 
beautifully  observes  it  has  somehow  or  other  happened, 
from  time  immemorial,  that  many  of  tiie  best  and  ableat 
philosophers,  who  have  beea  perfect  lights  of  sdenoe  in 
matters  of  theory,  have  been  wholly  unable  to  reduce 
them  to  practice. 

Mr.  Tupmao's  pi^ocess,  Hke  many  of  our  most  sublime 
discoveries,  was  eicti^mely  simple.  With  the  quickness 
and  penetration  of  a  man  of  genius,  he  had  at  once 
observed  that  the  two  great  points  to  be  attfuned  were 
-^  &^  to  discharge  his  piece  without  injuiy  to  himself, 
and,  secondly,  to  do  so,  without  danger  to  the  foy-standers ; 
—  obviously,  the  best  thing  to  do,  after  surmounting  the 
dHBeulty  of  iring  at  all,  was  to  shut  his  eyes  firmly,  and 
lire  into  the  air. 

On  one  oceasron,  after  perfimning  this  feat,  Ml*.  Tup* 
man,  on  opening  his  eyes,  beheld  a  plump  pcurtridge  in 
the  very  act  of  falling  wounded  to  the  gmund.  He  was 
on  the  point  of  congratulating  Mr.  Wardle  on  his  invari- 
able  success,  when  that  gentlafnan  advanced  towardu 
him,  and  grasped  him  warmly  by  the  hand. 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  91 

^TupmaQ,''8aid  tliebld  gendemaa^  ^  you  snigled  out 
that  particular  bird  ?  " 

«  No,"  said  Mr- TupBMli  —  «  no.** 

''You  did^"  said  Wardk.  <<I  saw  you  do  H  — I 
obeerved  you  pick  bim  out  —  I  noticed  yon,  as  you 
raised  your  piece  to  take  aim ;  ited  I  irill  say  this,  that 
the  best  sliot  in  existence  coukl  not  bavB  done  it  more 
beautifully.  You  are  an  older  hand  at  this,  than  I 
thought  you,  Tupman ;  you  have  been  out  before." 
*  It  was  in  vain  for  Mr*  Topman  to  protest,  with  a  smile 
of  self-denial,  that  he  never  had.  The  rery  smile  was 
taken  as  evidence  to  the  oontrary ;  and  fixmi  that  time 
forth,  his  reputation  was  established.  It  is  not  the  only 
reputation  that  has  been  acquired  as  easily,  nor  are  sueh 
fortunate  circumstanceB  confined  to  partridgo^faooting. 

Meanwhile,  Mr.  Winkle  flashed,  and  blazed,  and 
smoked  away^  without  producing  any  material  results 
worthy  of  being  noted  down ;  somedmes  expending  his 
charge  in  mid-air,  and  at  others  senifing  it  skhnming 
along  so  near  the  surface  of  the  ground,  as  to  place  the 
lives  of  the  two  dogs  on  a  rather  unoertain  and  precari- 
ous tenure.  As  a  display  of  foaoy  shooting,  it  was  ex* 
tremely  varied  and  curious;  as  an  exhibition  of  firing 
with  any  precise  object,  it  was,  upon  the  ^ole,  perhaps 
a  failure.  It  is  an  established  axicnn,  that  ^  every  buUel 
has  its  billet"  If  it  apply  in  an  equal  d^;ree  to  shot, 
those  of  Mr.  Winkle  were  unfortunate  fofundlings,  de- 
prived of  their  natural  rights,  cast  kwse  upon  the  worid, 
imd  billeted  nowhere. 

<*  Well,"  said  Wardle,  walking  up  to  the  side  of  the 
barrow,  and  wiping  the  streams  of  perq>inition  from  hit 
jolly  red  face ;  **  smoking  day,  isn't  it  ?  " 

"It is  indeedi"  replied  Mr.  Pickwick.     "The  sun  i« 


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92  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

hremeDdoodj  hot,  eren  io  me.  I  donH  know  how  yoa 
must  feel  if 

<*Why,"  said  the  old  gentieman,  *<  pretty  hot  It's 
past  twelve,  thought    You  see  that  green  hill  there  ? '' 

«  Certainly.'' 

^  That* s  ihe  place  where  we  are  to  lunch ;  and,  by 
Jove,  there's  the  boy  with  the  basket,  punctual  as  clock- 
work 1" 

^  So  he  18,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick,  brightening  up. 
**  Qood  boy,  that  Fll  give  him  a  shilling,  presently. 
Now,  then,  Sam,  wheel  away.** 

^  Hold  on,  sir,"  said  Mr.  Weller,  invigorated  with  the 
prospects  of  refreshments.  *'Out  of  the  vay,  young 
leathers.  If  you  walley  my  precious  fifb  don't  upset 
me,  as  the  geni'mao  said  to  the  driver,  when  they  was 
a-carryin*  him  to  Tyburn."  And  quickening  his  pace  to 
a  sharp  run,  Mr.  Weller  wheeled  his  master  nimbly  to 
the  green  hill,  shot  him  dexterously  out  by  the  very  side 
of  the  basket,  and  proceeded  to  unpack  it  with  the  utmost 
dispatch. 

**Weal  pie,"  said  Mr,  Weller,  soliloquizing,  as  he 
arranged  the  eatables  on  the  grass.  "  Wery  good  thing 
is  a  weal  pie,  when  you  know  the  lady  as  made  it,  and  is 
quite  sure  it  a^n't  kittens;  and  arter  all  though,  Where's 
the  odds,  when  they're  so  like  weal  that  the  wery  piemeo 
themselves  don't  know  the  differenee  ?  " 

<<  Don't  they,  Sam  ?  "  said  Mr.  Pickwick. 

"  Not  they,  sir,"  relied  Mr.  Weller,  touching  his  hat 
^  I  lodged  in  the  same  house  with  a  pieman  once,  sir, 
and  a  wery  nice  man  he  was  —  reg^ar  clever  chap,  too 
— make  pies  out  o'  anythmg,  he  could.  *  What  a  num- 
ber o'  cata  you  keep,  Mr.  Brooks,'  says  I,  when  Fd  got 
intimate  with  him.     <Ah,    says  he,   'I  do  —  a   good 


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THE  PICKWICK   CLUB.  9fi 

many/  says  he.  *  You  must  be  wery  (bnd  o*  cats,'  says  L 
'Other  people  is,'  says  he, a-winkin'  at  me;'they  aVt  in 
jseaeon  till  the  winter  though,'  sajs  he.  '  Not  in  season ! 
saysL  *  No,' says  he,  <  fruits  is  in,  cats  is  out*  *Why, 
what  do  you  mean  ? '  says  L  ^Mean  ?'  says  he.  *  That 
ni  never  be  a  party  to  the  combination  o'  the  butchers, 
to  keep  up  the  prices  o'  meat,'  says  he.  *  Mr.  Weller,* 
says  he,  »<6qaee2ing  my  hand  wery  hard,  and  yispering 
in  my  ear— *  don't  mention  this  here  ag'in  —  but  it's 
the  eeasonin'  as  does  it  They're  all  made  o'  them  noble 
animals,'  says  he,  a-poindn'  to  a  wery  nice  little  tabby 
kitten,  'and  I  seasons  'em  for  beef-steak,  weal,  or  kidney, 
'cordin'  to  the  demand.  And  more  than  that,'  says  he,  *  I 
can  make  a  weal  a  beef-steak,  or  a  beef-steak  a  kidney, 
or  any  one  on  'em  a  mutton,  at  a  minute's  notice,  just  as 
the  market  changes,  and  appetites  wary  I '  " 

*^  He  must  have  been  a  very  ingenious  young  man, 
that,  Sam,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick,  with  a  slight  shudder. 

^  Just  was^  sir,"  replied  Mr.  Weller,  continuing  his  oc- 
cupation of  emptying  the  badiet,  *^  and  the  pies  was  beau- 
tifuL  Tongue;  well  thatfs  a  wery  good  thing  when  it 
a'n't  a  woman's.  Bread  ---knudde  o*  ham,  reglar  picter 
—  cold  beef  in  slices,  wery  good.  What* s  in  them  stone 
jars,  young  toucb^md^go?" 

^  Beer  in  this  one,"  reined  the  boy,  taking  fVom  his 
shoulder  a  couple  of  large  stone  bottles,  fastened  together 
by  a  leathern  strap  —  ^  cold  punch  in  t'other." 

^  And  a  wery  good  notion  of  a  hmoh  it  is,  take  it  alto- 
getheiy"  said  Mr.  Weller,  surveying  his  arrangement  of 
the  repast  with  great  satisfiietion.  **■  Now,  gen'l'men,  *  fall 
on,'  as  the  English  said  to  the  French  when  diey  fixed 
bagginets." 

It  needed  no  second  invitation  to  induce  the  party  to 


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94  POSTHUMOUS  PAPEBS  OF 

jield  fall  justice  to  the  meal ;  and  ai  little  pressing  iM 
it  require,  to  induce  'Mr«  Weller,  the  long  game-keeper, 
and  the  two  Ik^s,  to  station  themaelyes  on  the  grass  at'a 
little  distance,  and  do  good  ezecatifMi  upon  a  decent  pro- 
portion of  the  viands.  An  old  oak-tree  afforded  a  pleas- 
ant shelter  to  the  gnmp,  and  a  rich  prospect  of  arable 
and  meadow  land,  interse(:ted  with  kizoriant  hedges,  and 
ridily  ornamented  with  wooc^  laj  spread  o«t  below  them* 

"^  This  is  delightful—  thoroughly  deliglitfiil  1  **  saSd  Mr. 
Pickwick,  the  skin  of  whose  expressive  eoantenance,  was 
rapidlj  peeling  cfS,  wkh  exposmre  to  the  sun* 

«  So  it  is :  so  it  Is,  old  feflow,"  replied  Wardle.  '«*  Come  5 
a  glass  of  punch." 

'<  With  great  pleasure,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick;  and  the 
satisfaction  <^  his  countenance  after  drinking  it,  bore 
testimony  to  the  sincerity  of  the  reply. 

^  Good,"  said  Mr.  Pidcwick,  smackmg  his  lipe.  **  Very 
good.  Ill  take  another.  Cool ;  very  oooL  Come,  gen* 
tlemen,"  continued  Mr.  Pickwick,  still  retainhig  his  hold 
upon  the  jar,  ^  a  toast    Our  fif ends  at  Dhigley  DeD." 

The  toast  was  drunk  witk  loud  acdamations. 

"  m  tell  you  what  I  shall  do,  to  get  up  my  shooting 
again,"  said  Mr.  Winkle^  who  was  eating  bread  and  ham 
with  a  pocket-knife.  <<  Til  put  a  staffed  partridge  on  the 
top  of  a  post,  and  practise  at  it,  beginning  at  a  short  dis- 
tanoe,  and  lessening  it  by  degrees.  I  understand  it's 
capital  practice." 

^I  know  a  genTman,  sir,"  said  Mr.  Weller,  <*a8  did 
that,  and  begun  at  two  yards ;  but  he  never  tried  it  on 
Ag'in ;  for  he  blewed  the  bird  right  clean  away  at  the 
6rdt  fire,  and  nobody  ever  seed  a  feather  on  him  arter- 
wards." 

«« Sam,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick. 


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THE  PICKWIOK  OLUB.  95 

•"  SiTt"  repSed  Mr*  Wdkn 

'^  Have  the  goodneBs  to  reeerve  jour  aneedotes^  tiD 
they  are  called  for.'' 

**Cerfiily,air." 

Here  Mr.  Wetter  winked  tbe  eye  wiiidi  was  not  eon- 
eeakd  by  the  beer-can  he  was  raimng  to  his  Hps,  with 
mich  ezqtusitenesSy  that  the  two  boys  went  into  spontane- 
OQs  oonvitlsionsy  aad  even  the  long  man  condescended 
to  SBoile. 

^W^,  ihat  certidi^  is  most  capital  cold  punch," 
said  Mr.  Pickwick,  looking  earnestly  at  the  stone  bot- 
(He;  ^and  the  day  is  extremely  warm,  and — Topman, 
my  dear  fiiend,  a  glass  of  punch  ?  ^ 

^With  the  greatest  delight,*  repHed  Mr.  Tupman; 
and  haying-  drank  that  glass,  Mr.  Pickwick  took  another, 
just  to  see  whether  there  was  any  orange  peel  in  the 
ponoh,  becMise  orange  peel  always  disagreed  with  him ; 
and  finding  that  there  was  not,  Mr.  Pickwick  tock  an- 
other gk»8  to  the  health  of  their  absent  friend,  and  then 
&it  himself  imprntitively  called  open  to  propose  another 
in  honor  of  the  pnnch-eompotinder,  unknown. 

This  constant  soccesBion  of  glasses,  prodoced  consider- 
able effeot  up<m  Mr.  Pickwick ;  his  countenance  beamed 
with  the  most  sunny  smiles,  laughter  played  around  his 
lips,  and  good4iumored  meAiment  twinkled  in  his  eye. 
Yielding  by  d^rees  to  the  infinence  of  the  exciting 
liquid,  rendered  more  so  by  the  heat,  Mr.  l^kwick  ex* 
pressed  a  strong  desire  to  recoUeot  a  song  which  he  had 
heard  in  his  infancy,  and  the  attempt  proving  abortive, 
songjit  to  stimulate  his  memory  with  more  glasses  of 
punch,  whMi  iq^peared  to  have  quite  a  contrary  effect ; 
for,  irom  forgetting  the  words  of  the  song,  he  began  to 
forget  heiw  to  aiticulate  any  words  at  all ;  and  finally, 


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96  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

after  rising  to  his  legs  to  address  the  company  in  on  elo- 
quent speech,  he  fell  into  the  barrow,  and  &ust  asleep, 
simultaneouslj. 

The  basket  having  been  repacked,  and  it  being  found 
perfectly  impossible  to  awaken  Mr.  Pidswiok  from  his 
torpor,  some  discussion  took  place  whedier  it  would  be 
better  for  Mr.  Weller  to  wheel  his  master  back  again^  oi 
to  leave  him  where  he  was,  until  they  should  all  be  ready 
to  return.  The  latter  course  was  at  length  decided  on ; 
and  as  their  further  expedition  waa  not  to  exceed  an 
hour's  duration,  and  as  Mr.  Weller  begged  very  hard  to 
be  one  of  the  party,  it  was  determined  to  leave  Mr. 
Pickwick  asleep  in  the  barrow,  and  to  call  for  him  on 
their  return.  So  away  they  went,  leaving  Mr.  Pick- 
wick snoring  most  comfortably  in  the  shade* 

That  Mr.  Pickwick  would  have  continued  to  snore  in 
the  shade  until  his  friends  came  back,  or,  in  de&olt 
thereof,  until  the  shades  of  evening  had  fallen  on  the 
landscape,  there  appears  no  reasonable  caose  to  doubt ; 
always  supposing  that  he  had  been  suffered  to  remain 
there,  in  peace.  But  he  was  not  suffered  to  remain  there 
in  peace.    And  this  is  what  prevented  him. 

Captain  Boldwig  was  a  little  fierce  man  in  a  stiff  black 
neckerchief  and  blue  surtout^  who,  when  he  did  conde- 
scend to  walk  about  his  property,  did  it  in  company  with 
a  thick  rattan  stick,  with  a  brass  ferrule,  and  a  gardener 
and  sub-gardener  with  meek  faces,  to  whom  (the  garden- 
ers, not  the  stick)  Captain  Boldwig  gave  his  orders  with 
all  due  grandeur  and  ferocity:  for  Captain  Bddwig^s 
wife's  sister  had  married  a  Marquis,  and  the  Captain's 
house  was  a  villa,  and  his  land  "  grounds,"  and  it  was  aU 
very  high,  and  mighty,  and  great 

Mr.  Pickwick  had  not  been  asleep  half  an  hoUr,  when 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  97 

little  Captain  Boldwig,  followed  by  the  two  gardeneiBi 
came  striding  along  as  fast  as  Ids  size  and  importance 
would  let  him ;  and  when  he  came  near  the  oak-tree. 
Captain  Boldwig  paused,  and  drew  a  long  breath,  and 
looked  at  the  prospect,  as  if  he  thooght  the  prospect 
ought  lo  be  highly  gratified  at  having  him  to  take  notice 
1^  it ;  and  then  he  struck  the  ground  emphatically  with 
bis  stick,  and  summoned  the  head-gard^ier. 

^Hont,**  Mud  Captain  Boldwig. 

^  Yes,  sir,''  said  the  gardener. 

"  Boll  this  place  to-morrow  morning — do  you  hear, 
Hunt?" 

"Yes,  sir.- 

"  And  take  care  that  yoo  keep  me  this  plaoe  in  good 
order  —  do  you  hear,  Hunt  ?  " 

"^Yes,  sir." 

"  And  remind  me  to  have  a  board  done  about  trad- 
passers,  and  B^ing^gnns,  and  all  that  aeit  of  thing,  to 
keep  the  common  people  out  Do  yon  liear.  Hunt ;  do 
yoa  hear?** 

Til  not  Ibrget  it,  sir." 

"  I  beg  your  pardon,  sir,"  si^  the  other  man,  adran- 
cing,  with  his  hand  to  his  hat. 

<^  Wen,  ITilkhis,  whafs  the  matter  with  ytmt"  said 
detain  Boldwig. 

"Ibegyoor  pard(m,0ir — but  I  think  there  have  been 
trespassers  here  to-day.** 

'^  Ha !  **  said  the  Captain,  scowling  azoond  him. 

*•  Yes,  rfr — they  have  been  dining  here,  I  think,  sir.** 

^  Why,  confoond  their  audacity,  so  they  have,"  said 
Captain  Boldwig,  as  the  crumbs  and  fimgments  that  were 
strewn  npon  the  grass  met  his  eye.  "They  have  actu- 
ally been  devouring,  their  food  here.    I  wish  I  had  tka 


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'98  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

vagaiwiids  herel"  said  the  Captain,  clenchmg  the  diiok 


^  I  wish  I  had  the  ragabonds  here,**  said  the  Oaptara 
viaihAilly. 

*^  Beg  year  pardon,  sir  *  said  Wiikiin,  <"  bat  *  ~ 

^Butwhat?  £h?''  roared  the  Captain ;  andfhliDW- 
lug  the  timid  glance  of  Wilkins,  his  eyes  enooimteivil 
(he  wheelbarrow  and  Mr.  Piekwick* 

^  Who  are  you,  you  rascal? '^  sanl  the  Guptain,  admin* 
istering  several  pokes  to  Mr.  Pidiwick's  body  witfi  the 
tiuck  slock.    (<  Whafs  yowr  name  ?" 

^  Cold  punch,"  murmured  Mr.  Pickwick,  as  he  sunk  to 
sleep  again. 

^  What?"  demande4  CipAmn  Bokiwig; 

No  reply. 

^  What  did  he  say  his  name  was  ?  "  asked  tiie  Cap- 


^  Prnids  I  think,  sir/*  i^ed  Wiikim. 

"^  That's  kift  impadei^ce  ^  that* a  his  eonfoonded  impii- 
dence,"  said  Captun  Boldwig.  ^  He's  only  feigning  to 
be  asleep  now,"  said  the  Captam,  in  a  lugh  passion. 
^He'e  dnaik;  ke's  a  Aranken  plebeian*  Wheel  him 
away,  Wilkins,  wheel  him  away  direct^.* 

""WlMfv  ihaU  I  wheel  him  to,  sir?*  inquired  Wil- 
kins, with  gi*eat  timidity. 

«' Wheel  kirn  io  the  Devil,"  repHed  Oaptem  Boklwig. 

"  Very  well,  sir,"  said  Wilkind. 

<'  Sti^,*'  teid  the  CaptaaD. 

Wilkins  stopped  acoofedingfy. 

«^  Whed  hiiii,"  said  the  CaptM,  « wiMol  him  to  the 
pQond;  and  kt  «8  see  whether  he  calls  himself  Pnnch, 
wlien  he  corned  to  himself.  He  s^ll  not  buUf  me  —  he 
liaB  no6  bti%  Jne.    Wheel  hhn  away" 


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TUB  PICKWICK  CLUa  ft 

Away  Mr.  Piokviok  w«  frlmM  In  odpifiihtM  ifith 
this  imperioog  mdn^te;  and  the  great  Qaptiuii  BoMwig, 
Bwelling  with  indigntiiiQN^  p(rooe«d(94  on  hm  KaUu 

Itiltprefliibld  I'Has  Ae  i^t^misfatnent  of  the  little  ^arty 
when  tliej  returned,  to  find  that  MfV  Pid^wick  iAi  dia^ 
ai^peiMdy  «fid  l«k(en  tie  wkeettMurmw  with  iutnu  It  was 
the  most  mjsterious  and  unaccountable  thing  that  wlu» 
ev'er  hewNlof^  For  a  tefne .nmn  to  haye  got  upo»  his 
legs  without  any  prevkms  notioei  and  walked  off,  would 
have  l^n  most  6xtraovdii\arj ;  but  when  iit  ceme  \f>  his 
grheeting  a  huavy  bianow  before  him^  by  wi^  of  mm^ 
loent,  it  i^vr  po^veiy  miraculous*  Tb^  searched 
every  nook  and  comer  round,  together  and  aeparat^y  i 
Uiey  shoutii^  whistledy  laugfied,  called — and  aU  with 
the  same  result*  Mr.  Pickwick  was  not  to  be  found. 
After  some  hours  of  fruitless  search,  they  arriv^  at  the 
onweloonie  ooncbiooa,  that  they  musl  go  home  without 
him. 

Meanwjhile  Mn  Pickwick  had  been  wheeled  to  the 
Pound,  and  safety  deiposated  therein,  fast  asleep  ip  the 
/(irheeAbajTVOWy  to  the  immeasurable  delight  and  satiflfaor 
tion,  not  only  of  all  the  boya  it  the  yjUage)  but  three 
fourths  of  t^  whole  pepulatioQ,  who  had  gatbored 
coand,  in  expeetation  of  his  waking.  If  their  mo^t  in- 
tense graUfieatioo  had  bew  excited  by  eeeiag  him 
wheeled  in,  ^w  maey  hifidjred^d  i^as  thm  joy  in* 
emased  wheiiy  aflier  a  few  incHitiBGi^  criee  ff  ^  $am  I " 
)«s  out  up  in  the  jhtfTow  and  gaeed  with  indesoribeble 
astonishment  on  the  faces  before  him. 
.  Ageoesal  isho«t  wi^.of  oeuc9e  the  eigiial  .of  his  hay- 
ia§  volie  ,Dp.|  and  bis  anyohmtavy  iiK|aiiy  of  ^  Whi^s 
the  matter  ?  "  oeeefl^oned  aoether,  ba^er  than  the  fiicst, 
if  possible. 


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too  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

^  Here's  a  game  I  **  roared  tbe  populace. 

^  Where  am  I  ?  '^  exclaimed  Mr.  Pickwk^ 

<"  In  the  Pound,"  replied  the  mob. 

^  How  came  I  here ?  What  was  I  doing?  Whore 
was  I  hrooght  fix>m  ?  " 

^Boldwig— Oapiain  Boldwigl''  was  the  only  re- 
ply. 

**  Let  me  out,**  cried  Mr.  Pickwick.  ^  Where's  my 
servant  ?    Where  are  my  friends  ?  " 

^  Yon  a'n't  got  no  friends.  Hvrrah ! "  Then  tLere 
came  a  turnip,  then  a  potato,  and  then  an  egg  t  with  a 
few  other  little  tokens  of  the  playfhl  dbposition  of  the 
many-beaded. 

How  long  this  scene  might  have  lasted,  or  how  mudi 
Mr.  Pickwick  might  have  suffered,  no  one  can  tell,  had 
not  a  carriage  which  was  driving  swiftly  by,  suddenly 
pulled  up,  from  whence  there  descended  old  Wardle  and 
Sam  Weller,  the  former  of  whom,  in  far  less  time  than  it 
takes  to  write  it,  if  not  to  read  it,  had  made  his  way  to 
Mr.  Pickwick's  side,  and  placed  him  hi  the  vehicle,  just 
as  the  latter  had  concluded  the  third  and  last  round  of  a 
single  combat  with  the  town-beadle. 

"  Run  to  the  Justice's  I "  cried  a  dozen  voices. 

"  Ah,  run  avay,"  said  Mr.  Weller,  jumping  up  on  the 
box.  ^  GKve  my  compliments  —  Mr.  Veller's  compli- 
ments—  to  the  Justice,  and  tell  him  Fve  spiled  his 
beadle,  and  that,  if  hell  svear  in  a  new  "un,  I'll  come 
bnck  again  to*>morrow  and  spile  him.  Drive  on,  old 
feller." 

'*rii  give  directions  for  die  commencement  of  an  ac- 
tion fbr  false  imprisonment  against  this  Captain  Boldwift 
directly  I  get  to  London,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick,  as  soon  as 
the  carriage  turned  out  of  the  town. 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  101 

"  We  were  trespasBuig,  it  seems,**  said  Wardle. 

«I  don't  care,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick,  «*ril  bring  the 
action." 

**  No,  you  won V  awd  Wardle. 

^  I  will,  by  "  —  but  as  there  was  a  humorous  expres- 
lion  in  Wardle's  face,  Mr.  Pickwick  checked  himself,  and 
Mdd  — "Why  not?** 

"  Because,**  said  old  Wardle,  half-bursting  with  laagh« 
ter,  "  because  they  might  torn  round  on  some  of  us,  and 
say  we  had  taken  too  much  cold  punch.** 

Do  what  he  would,  a  smile  would  come  into  Mr.  Pick- 
wick's £Bice ;  the  smile  extended  into  a  laugh ;  the  laugh 
into  a  roar;  and  the  roar  became  generaL  So,  to  keep 
up  their  good  humor,  they  stopped  at  the  first  road-side 
tavern  thesy  came  to,  and  ordered  a  glass  of  brandy  and 
water  all  round,  with  a  magnum  of  extra  strength,  fiur 
Mr.  Samuel  Weller. 


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lot  POBtHUMOirS  PAPERS  OF 


CHAPTER  XX- 
iBDvrmo  HOW  vo^own  akd  wo^a  ynsam  v«ir  o# 

BUSINESS,  AND  THBtH  CTLieRm  MKf  Of  n.BA8(m»| 

AND  now  AJT  ATtWTtma  firrtKviEW  ro^n  piacs 

BVnfEBN  Idt  WELLSB  AND  HTB  XONChLOOT  PAR- 
ENT |  SfiOWtNO  AL90  WfiAY  O&OlCE  SPlBim  AS* 
•EMBLBD  AT  ttfB  HAOPIB  AND  SftTltP)  AND  WHAY 
A  OAPITAL  CRAPl'BK  THE  NEXT  ONE  WILL  BE. 

In  the  ground-floor  finont  of  a  dingjr  liouAe,  at  ^  very 
farthest  end  of  Freeman's  Court,  Comhill,  sat  the  four 
clerks  of  Messrs.  Dodson  and  Fogg,  two  of  his  Migestjr's 
Attorneys  of  the  Courts  of  King's  Bench  and  Common 
Pleas  at  Westminster,  and  solicitors  of  the  High  Court 
of  Chancery :  the  aforesaid  clerks  catching  as  favorable 
glimpses  of  Heaven's  light  and  Heaven's  sun,  in  the 
course  of  their  daily  labors,  as  a  man  might  hope  to  do^ 
were  he  placed  at  the  bottom  of  a  reasonably  deep  well ; 
and  without  the  opportunity  of  perceiving  the  stare  in 
the  day-time,  which  the  latter  secluded  situation  af- 
fortls. 

The  clerks'  office  of  Messrs.  Dodson  and  Fogg  was  a 
dark,  mouldy,  earthy-smelling  room,  with  a  high  wain- 
Bcotted  partition  to  screen  the  clerks  from  the  vulgar 
gaze :  a  couple  of  old  wooden  chairs :  a  very  loud-lick- 
ing clock :   an  almanac,   an  umbrella-stand,  a  row  of 


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THS  PICKWICK  OLUB.  108 

kat  peg37  and  a  lev  ahelvea,  on  which  were  dep«>sked 
several  ticketed  bundles  of  dirty  papers,  some  old  deal 
boxes  with  paper  labels,  and  sundry  decayed  stone  ink- 
bottles  of  various  shapes  and  sizes.  Ther«  was  a  ^ass 
door  leading  into  the  passage  which  formed  the  eatraiuje 
to  the  eoort,  and  on  the  outer  side  of  this  ^ass  door, 
Mr.  Pickwick,  closely  followed  by  Sam  Weller,  pre- 
sented himself  on  thf  Friday  morning  auceeeding  the 
oeciurrence,  of  which  a  faithful  narration  is  given  in  the 
last  chapter. 

^  Come  in,  can't  you  I "  cried  a  voioe  from  behind 
the  partition,  ia  reply  to  Mr.  Pickwick's  gentle  tap 
at  the  door.  And  Mr.  Pickwick  and  Sam  entered  ac- 
cordingly* 

'*Mr.  Dodson  or  Mr.  Fogg  at  home,  sir?"  inqoired 
,Mi^  Pickwick,  geatly  advancing,  hat  in  hand,  towards 
the  partition. 

^  Mr.  BoddOD  a'n*t  at  home,  and  Mr.  Fogg's  particu- 
larly engaged^"  replied  the  voice ;  and  at  the  same  time 
the  head  to  which  the  voice  belongec^  with  a  pen  behind 
its  ear^  looked  over  the  partition,  and  at  Mr.  Pick- 
wick. 

It  was  a  ragged  head^  the  sandy  hair  of  which,  scrupo- 
iously  parted  on  one  side,  and  flattened  down  with  pomar 
tam,  was  twisted  into  little  semicircular  tails  round  a  flat 
face  ornamented  with  a  pair  of  small  eyes,  and  garnished 
with  a  very  dirty  shint  ooUar,  and  a  rusty  black  stook* 

"  Mr.  Dodgon  a'n't  at  home,  and  Mr.  Fogg's  partieu^ 
larly  engaged,"  said  the  man  to  whom  the  head  ba^ 
longed. 

"  When  will  Mr.  Podson  be  back,  sir  ?  "  inquired  Mr. 
Pickwick. 

«  Ckn't  say." 


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104  POSTHUMOUS  PAPEBS  OF 

<^WiU  it  be  long  before  Mr.  Fogg  is  disoigBge^ 
Bir?'* 

«  Don't  know." 

Here  the  man  proceeded  to  mend  his  pen  with  great 
deliberation,  while  anodier  clerk,  who  was  mixing  a 
Seidlitz  powder,  under  cover  of  the  lid  of  his  desk« 
laughed  approvingly. 

« I  thmk  rU  wait,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick.  There  was 
no  replj ;  so  Mr.  Pickwick  sat  down  unbidden,  and  lis- 
tened to  the  loud  ticking  of  the  clock  and  the  murmured 
conversation  of  the  cleiiu. 

^  That  was  a  game,  wasn't  it  ?  "  said  one  of  the  gen- 
tlemen, in  a  brown  coat  and  brass  buttons,  inky  drabe, 
and  bluchers,  at  the  conclusion  of  some  inaudible  relation 
i)i  hb  previous  evening's  adventures. 

^Devilish  good — devilish  good,"  said  the  Seidlitx- 
powder  man. 

^Tom  Cummins  was  in  the  chair,"  said  the  man  with 
the  brown  coat;  ''it  was  half-past  four  when  I  got  to 
Somers  Town,  and  then  I  was  so  uncommon  lushy  that 
I  couldn't  find  the  place  where  the  latch-key  went  in, 
and  was  obliged  to  knock  up  the  old  'ooman.  I  say,  I 
wonder  what  old  Fogg  'ud  say,  if  he  knew  it  I  should 
get  the  sack,  I  s'pose  —  eh  ?  " 

At  this  humorous  notion,  all  the  cleiks  laughed  in 
concert 

**  There  was  such  a  game  with  Fogg  here,  this  mom- 
in',"  said  the  man  in  the  brown  coat,  ^  while  Jack  was 
op- stairs  sorting  the  papers,  and  you  two  were  gone  to 
the  stamp-office.  Fogg  was  down  here,  opening  the  let- 
ters, when  that  chap  as  we  issued  the  writ  against  at 
Camberwell,  you  know,  came  in  —  what's  his  name 
again  ?" 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  105^ 

^Ramsej,"  said  the  derk  who  had  spokra  to  Mr. 
Pickwick. 

*'Ah,  Ramsej  —  a  precious  seedy-looking  customer. 
Well,  sir,'  says  old  Fogg,  looking  at  him  very  fierce — 
you  know  his  way  — '  well,  or,  have  you  come  to  set- 
tle ?'  'Yes,  I  have,  sir,'  said  Ramsey,  putting  his  hand 
in  his  pocket,  and  bringing  out  the  money,  '  the  debt's 
two  pound  ten,  and  the  costs  three  pound  ^YBy  and  here 
it  is,  sir ; '  and  he  sighed  like  bricks,  as  he  lugged  out 
the  money,  done  up  in  a  bit  of  blotting-paper.  Old  Fogg 
looked  first  at  the  money,  and  then  at  him,  and  then  he 
coughed  in  his  rum  way,  so  that  I  knew  something  was 
coming.  <Tou  don't  know  there's  a  declaration  filed, 
which  increases  the  costs  materially,  I  suppose?'  said 
Fogg.  '  You  don't  say  that,  sir,'  said  Ramsey,  starting 
back ;  '  the  time  was  only  out,  last  night,  sir.'  *  I  do  say 
it,  though,'  said  Fog^  '  my  clerk's  just  gone  to  file  it. 
Hasn't  Mr.  Jackson  gone  to  file  that  declaration  in  Bull- 
man  and  Ramsey,  Mr.  Wicks  ? '  Of  course  I  said  yes, 
and  then  Fo^  coughed  again,  and  looked  at  Ramsey. 
*  My  Gk)d  I '  said  Ramsey ;  *  and  here  have  I  nearly 
driven  myself  mad,  scraping  this  money  together,  and  all 
to  no  purpose.*  ^  None  at  all,'  said  Fo^  coolly ;  '  so 
you  had  better  go  back  and  scrape  some  more  together, 
and  bring  it  here  in  time.'  *  I  can't  get  it,  by  God,'  said 
Ramsey,  striking  the  desk  with  his  fist.  *  Don't  bully 
me,  sir,'  said  Fogg,  getting  into  a  passion  on  purpose. 
'  I  am  not  bullying  you,  sir,'  said  Ramsey.  '  You  are,' 
said  Fogg ;  *  get  out,  sir ;  get  out  of  this  office,  sir,  and 
come  back,  sir,  when  you  know  how  to  behave  yourself.' 
Well,  Ramsey  tried  to  speak,  but  Fogg  wouldn't  let  him, 
80  he  put  the  money  in  his  pocket,  and  sneaked  out 
The  door  was  scarcely  shut,   when  old  Fogg  turned 


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106  POSTH0MOUB  PAFEBft  OF 

roHBd  to  me,  with  a  sweet  smile  on  his  faoe,  and  drew 
the  declaration  out  of  his  coat  pocket  *Here,  Widcs, 
says  Fogg,  ^  take  a  cab,  and  go  down  to  the  Temple  as 
quick  as  jou  can,  and  file  that  Hie  costs  are  quite  safe, 
for  he's  a  steady  man  with  a  large  family,  at  a  salary  gf 
ftve-and-twenty  shillings  a  week,  and  if  he  gives  us  a 
warrant  of  attorney,  as  he  must  in  the  end,  I  know  Iua 
employers  will  see  it  paid ;  so  we  may  as  well  get  all  we 
can  out  of  him,  Mr.  Wicks ;  it*s  a  Christian  act  to  do  it, 
Mr.  Wicks,  fbr  with  his  large  fkmily  and  small  income, 
he'll  be  all  the  better  for  a  good  lesson  against  getting 
into  debt,—  won*t  he,  Mr.  Widcs,  won^  he  ? *  —  and  he 
smiled  so  good-naturedly  as  he  went  away,  tha,t  it  was 
delightful  to  aee  him.  He  is  a  capital  man  of  business," 
Ettid  Wicks,  m  a  tone  of  the  deepest  admiratbn,  ^  cap- 
ital, isn't  he?** 

The  other  three  cordially  subscribed  to  this  opinion,  and 
the  anecdote  affiovded  the  most  unfimited  satisfaction. 

**  Nice  men  tliese  here,  sir,"  wlnspered  Mr.  Weller  to 
his  master ;  ^  wery  i^  noticm  of  f^  tfaey  has,  sir  * 

Mr.  Pickwick  nodded  assent,  and  coughed  to  attract 
Hie  at^ntion  oi  the  young  gentlemen  behind  the  parti- 
tion, who,  having  now  relaxed  their  minds  by  a  little 
eonrersation  among  themselres,  condescended  to  take 
some  notice  of  the  stranger. 

"I  wonder  whether  Fogg's  disengaged  now?'*  said 
Jackson. 

«  ril  see,"  said  Wicks,  dlsmountmg  leisurely  from  his 
fltool.    ^  What  name  shall  I  tell  Mr.  Fogg  ?  " 

**  Pickwick,"  replied  the  illustrious  subject  of  these 
memoirs. 

Mr.  Jackson  departed  up-staiiB  on  his  errand,  and  im- 
mediately returned  with  a  message  that  Mr.  Fogg  would 


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TBB  nOKWlDS  OLUB*  Wt 

see  Mr.  Pickwick  in  fire  minutev ;  ftid  iuvring  dtM^ered 
it,  returned  again  to  his  desk. 

''WhtttdidheiajhisiMmewas?''  vUspcred  lirick& 

"^FidLwiak,"  lepUed  Jadnon;  '^it's  the  MendMit  in 
Bardell  and  Pickwick." 

A  MiddfiB  MTi^ingof  feet,  Miiiglwl  with  the  seund  of 
fliippmMed  IfghteTv  wm  heard  ftom  behlBd  the  parti* 
tien. 

^  They've  a tvig^'  of  70a,  sir,''  whisperedMr.  Wetter^ 

^'Twigging  cf  me,  Saml''  replied  Mr«  FidcwiA; 
tf  what  do  jott  Mean  by  twigging  me  F** 

Mr.  Wetter  replied  hy  pointing  with  his  thnmb  0ww 
his  shoulder,  and  Mr.  Pickwick,  on  lodcing  up^  beeane 
■eaoble  of  ihe  pleasfaig  £Mst,«faat  aM  ikm  four  nS^erkB^  with 
oitmteBMHxs  cKprca^vie  of  the  alniest  amusement,  and 
with  their  heads  thrust  over  the  wooden  screea,  were  mA> 
nutelj  inspecting  the  figure  and  general  appeearanoe  of  the 
iiqBpoeed  tiffler  wiik  female  iwarts,  and  distnrber  of  fitanale 
happiness.  On  his  looking  up,  the  row  of  heads  toddet»- 
\y  cUsappeared,  and  the  sound  of  pens  travdling  wX  a  f  u- 
HoBs  rate  over  paper,  immediately  suceeeded. 

A  sadde*  ring  at  tim  bett  whkh  hung  m  the  office, 
MBMBoned  Mv.  Jackfaon  to  tfie  afiaitnieai  of  Fogg,  ftom 
whence  he  came  baek  to  stf^  thiU  he  (F^gg)  was  ready 
to  see  Mr.  Pitkwick  if  ho  would  st^  upstairs. 

Up-stairs  Mr.  Pickwick  did  step  aeeofdrnf^jf  leoring 
fiam  Weller  below.  The  zoonk^door  of  the  enei-pair 
baek,  bote  iDoeribed  in  legible  dauBsters  the  imposing 
wetds^Mb  Fogg;**  and,  having  tapped  ttereat^  and 
been  deaiKd  to-come  in,  imdkMoa  odieved  Mr.  Pbkwick 
into  the  presence. 

^isMr.  DsiMtoia?''  rnqmced  ]^  Fbgg» 

^  Just  come  in,  sir,!*  ^^piksd  Jachswt 


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106  POSTHUMOUS  FAPEBS  OF 

^  Ask  him  to  step  here.** 

"  Yes,  air."     Exit  Jackson. 

^ Take  a  seat,  sir,''  said  Fogg;  ^  there  is  the  piiper. 
AT ;  my  partner  will  be  here  directly,  and  we  oaa  con- 
verse about  this  matter,  sir." 

Mr.  Pickwick  took  a  seat  and  the  paper,  bnt  instead 
of  reading  the  latter,  peeped  over  the  top  of  it,  and  took 
a  sorvej  of  the  man  of  business,  who  was  an  elderly 
piBiply-fiioed,  yegetable-diet  sort  of  man,  in  a  blade 
coat,  daric  miscture  trousers,  and  small  Uadc  gaiters :  a 
kind  of  being  who  seemed  to  be  an  eeaential  part  of  the 
desk  at  which  he  was  writing,  and  to  haTe  as  mnch 
thought  or  sentiment 

After  a  few  minutes'  silence,  Mr.  Dodsott,  a  plnmp, 
portly,  stem4ooking  man,  with  a  loud  voice,  appeared ; 
and  the  conversation  commenced. 

<<  This  is  Mr.  Pickwick,"  said  Fogg. 

^Ah!  Tou  are  the  defendant,  sir,  in  Bardell  aad 
Pickwick?"  said  Dodson. 

"<  I  am,  sir,"  replied  Mr.  Pickwick. 

^  Well,  sir,"  said  Dodson,  ^  and  what  do  jou  propose  ?  * 

^  Ah  I "  said  Fogg,  thmsdng  his  hands  into  his  trou- 
sers' pockets^  aatd  throwing  himself  back  in  his  chair, 
^  what  do  you  pn^>ose,  Mr.  Pickwick  ?  " 

^  Hush,  Fogg,"  said  Dodson,  ^  let  me  hear  wiiat  Mn 
Pickwick  has  to  say." 

^  I  came,  gentlemee^"  rqpHed  Mr.  Pickwick, — gasiog 
placidly  <m  the  two  partners^  — '^I  came  here,  gentle* 
men,  to  express  the  surprise  with  which  I  reomved  your 
lettor  of  the  other  day,  and  to  inquire  what  grounds  of 
action  you  can  have  against  me." 

^Grounds  of"  —  Fogg  had  ejaculated  thus  much, 
when  he  was  stoj^ied  by  Dodson. 


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l^E  PICKWICK  CLUB.  109 

^  Mr.  Fogg,**  said  Dodsoa,  ^  I  am  going  to  speak.*' 

^  I  beg  jour  pardon,  Mr.  Dodson,"  said  Fogg. 

^  For  ^  groimdd  of  adion,  sir,''  oontinaed  Dodaon, 
with  moral  elevation  in  his  air,  ^<  you  will  consult  yoor 
own  oonsdence  and  joar  own  feelings.  We,  sir,  we  an 
guided  entirely  bj  the  statement  of  oar  cUent  Tbal 
statement^  sir,  may  be  true,  or  it  may  be  false ;  it  may 
be  credible,  or  it  may  be  inerediUe ;  bvt,  if  it  be  tme^ 
and  if  it  be  credible,  I  do  not  hesitate  to  say,  sir,  that  our 
groonds  of  action,  air,  are  stroi^,  and  not  to  be  shaken. 
Too  may  be  an  onfortaaate  man,  sir,  or  you  may  be  a 
designing  one ;  but  if  I  were  called  upon,  as  a  juryman 
upon  my  oath,  sir,  to  express  an  opinion  of  your  conduct, 
sir,  I  do  not  hesitate  to  assert  that  I  should  hare  but  one 
opinion  about  it."  Here  Dodson  drew  himself  up  with 
an  air  of  offanded  virtae,  and  looked  at  Fo^,  who  thrust 
bis  hands  farther  in  his  pockets,  and  nodding  his  head 
sagely,  said,  in  a  tone  of  the  fullest  concurrence,  ^  Most 
certainly." 

^  Well,  sir,"  aaid  Mr.  Pickwick,  with  considerable  pain 
depicted  in  his  countenance,  ^  you  will  permit  me  to  as- 
sure you,  that  I  am  a  most  unfortunate  man,  so  fiur  as 
this  ease  is  coDeemed." 

^I  hope  you  are,  sir,"  replied  Dodson ;  ^I  trust  yoo 
may  be,  sir.  If  you  are  really  innocent  of  what  is  laid 
to  your  charge,  you  are  more  unfortunate  than  I  had  be- 
hered  any  amn  cocdd  possibly  be.  What  do  ytm  say, 
Mr.  Fogg?" 

*^  I  say  predaely  what  you  say,"  replied  Fogg,  with  a 
mule  oi  incredulity. 

^The  writ,  sir,  which  commences  the  action,"  oontin- 
aed Dodson,  ^  was  issued  regulariy.  Mr.  Fogg,  where 
it  the  pracipe  book  ?  " 


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tl0  POSTBUM0US  PAKRS  OF 

"^TUm  H  iA,**  mid  Fdg|r,  hflMlfaig  ohw  a  cqaflre  1k)ok, 
with  a  paydHnent  ooTer. 

^H^re  is  die  entry,*'  regomed  DoiboK.  ^^Ifiidle- 
gex,  Capias  Martha  BcardeU,  tridaWj  ▼.  Samuel  jPii^bwiik, 
Bama^  £1500.  Dodson  sad  F«gg  for  die  pkaDtifi; 
▲agi  28,  1830/  All  regviav,  siri  pedeedyw"  Dodno 
opDghM  aii4  looked  at  Fogg,  wha  said  .<"  Porfeodf/'  aftu. 
And  then  they  Mb  loolwd  al  Mii  Fi^nadLi 

^  I  amur  uaderstand,  th^n/'  aaid  Ilfo*  Pkdiwitit,  <^tiial 
it  reidff  is  yoor  iatemian  to  proeoed  witk  thia  aotkm  ?** 

^  Undarstand,  sir  f<^  tint  ywi  CBrteiBlj  may,''  vepliad 
IMson,  wkh  something  as  near  a  smile  as  hia  inqportanea 
would  aHow. 

^  And  diai  die  damagas  af«  aetaaUy  laid  at  Meaii  him* 
dved  poands  ?"*  said  Mr.  Piokwidc 

^  'Po-  iHiidi  understancfoig  yoa  any  add  my  aaBmaaosy 
Amt  if  we  oottkl  have  prevailed  upon  odr  cUent^  tbey 
UrooM  have  heen  laid  at  trcA)Aa  the  amooat,  sir ;''  rsplisd 
Dodson. 

^  I  betteve  Mrs.  Bardett  spedfdiy  said,  howeiteif  ob- 
8^^^^  ^ogg,  glancing  at  Dodna^  ^thal  ske  wdald  aoi 
Mmptomisa  for  a  fothing  lesa^^ 

<^  Unquestionably ,"  replied  Dodsan,  stenily.  Faff  tha 
aetfioa  was  only  jast  began ;  and  k  wouUbH  have  done 
to  let  Mr.  PidLWiek  osmproanse  k  then,  even  M  ha  had 
been  s*  disposed* 

^  As  fott  oibt  ao  terms,  dsp^^  paM  Bodsn,  ^hqriag 
a  klip  of  parchment  in  his  right  hand,  and  afiectiDttitaly 
preishig  a  fofcr  copy  pf  it  on  Ifr.  PMcwiek  witll  his 
left,  ^  I  had  better  serve  you  with  a  copy  o£  this  writ^ 
sit*.    Here  is  die  drigiaal,  siiv^ 

^  Very  well,  gendemen,  veiy  wefi/'  said  Miu  Pisbwiri^ 
rising  in  person  and  wrath  at  the  same  time ;  ^  you  shnU 
hear  fnHn  my  solicitor,  gentlemen." 

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THR  nOKWIQK  OLUB.    .  111! 

"*  We  ihall  be  reary  hajpjpf  to  4k  m^"  aM  Fogg,  ttih* 
bi&ghia  famds* 

**  Very,**  said  Dedseti,  openng  die  door« 

^  And  be&re  I  go,  gentlemeoy"  said  the  excited  Mr* 
Pickwick,  turning  round  on  the  landing,  ^  permit  me  to 
8«f,tl»tof  all  tbedkgraceful  and  sascallj  prooeedingf  ^— - 

^  Stay,  nr,  staj^"  iBterposed  Dodaon,  with  great  polite*- 
ness.    ^'Mr.^ckMml  B&k  Wiokar 
.  *^  Snr,"  said  the  two  ckt ks,  appearing  at  the  bottom  at 
the  stain. 

:  ^  I  merely  want  you  to  hear  what  tins  geBtkmaneaya," 
replied  Dodaon.  ^  Pnay  go  cm,  sir-^diagmoeM  aad  raip 
clitty  prooeedingsy I  think  yoii  taid?** 

''Idid,'' said  Mr.  Pi€kwid^  thorou^blj  iCNiaed*  T 
eiadf  air^  that  of  all  the  diigra^iefbl  and  raaodlly  proeeedp 
ings  that  ever  wem  attempted,  this  is  the  moat  ao^  I 
i>q>eat  it)  ab»^ 

^  Yaa  hMT  tha^  Mr,  Wi^km?"  said  Doteo». 

"^Tott  won't  forget  these  expi^eBabtii^ Mr«  Jaeksen?'^ 
said  Fogg. 

^  Perhaps  you  trodd  like  to  eall  us  awindkra^  aiiv''  said 
Dodsom  ''PrajdQi»&ir,tr  yoa  feel  dispoeed^ilow  pray 
do,  sir." 

"^  I  do,''  aaid  Mk*.  I^^^Lwitk.    <<  Toa  sr^  twlndleta.'' 

**  Very  good,"  said  Dodsoa.  *  Ton  can  hear  down 
there,  I  hope,  Mr  WieksF*' 

**<Mi  yes,  rir,"  said  Wioks. 

^  Ton  had  better  come  up  a  stop  or  two  higher,  if  jroii 
can't,"  added  Mr.  Fogg.  <<Go  oft,  air ;  do  go  on.  Yoai 
had  better  oaU  as  tluev^ea,  air ;  or  perhaps  you  wOfuld  like 
to  aaaault  oae  of  as.  Pray  do  it,  sir,  if  you  would ;  wO; 
wiU  not  make  the  smallsat  nsiataaee.    Ptay  do  it»  sSr*^ 

.As  Ffligg  pat  hhnself  very  tenqttinf^y  within  the  seaflk/ 


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112  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

of  Mr.  PidLwick'8  denohed  fist,  there  is  little  doubt  that 
that  gentleman  would  have  complied  with  his  earnest  en- 
treaty, but  for  the  interposition  of  Sam,  who,  hearing  the 
dispute,  emerged  from  the  office,  mounted  the  stairs,  and 
seized  his  master  bj  the  arm. 

^  Tou  just  come  avaj,"  said  Mr.  Welier.  ^  Battle* 
dore  and  shuttlecock's  a  wery  good  game,  yhen  you  aVt 
the  shuttlecock  and  two  lawyers  the  battledores,  in  wicb 
case  it  gets  too  exdtin'  to  be  pleasant  Come  avay,  sir. 
If  you  want  to  ease  your  mind  by  blowing  up  somebody, 
come  out  into  the  court  and  blow  up  me ;  bat  it's  raythei 
too  expensiye  work  to  be  carried  on  here." 

And  without  the  slightest  ceremony,  Mr.  Welier  hauled 
his  master  down  the  stairs,  and  down  liie  court,  and  hav- 
ing safely  deposited  him  in  ComfaiU,  fell  behind,  prepared 
to  follow  whithersoever  he  should  lead. 

Mr.  Pickwick  walked  on  abstractedly,  crossed  opposite 
the  Mansion  House,  and  bent  his  steps  up  Gheapeide. 
Sam  began  to.  wonder  where  they  were  going,  when  his 
master  turned  round,  and  said : 

"^  Sam,  I  win  go  inmiediately  to  Mr.  Pericer^s.** 

^  That's  just  exactly  the  wery  plaee  vere  you  ou^ 
to  have  gone  last  night,  sir,"  replied  Mr.  Welier. 

^  I  think  it  is,  Sam,"  said  Mr.  Pickwidi. 

« I  know  it  is,"  said  Mr.  Welier. 

«  Well,  well,  Sam,"  replied  Mr.  Pickwick,  **  we  will  go 
there  at  once  ;  but  first,  as  I  have  been  rather  ruffled,  I 
should  like  a  glass  of  brandy  and  water  warm,  Sam. 
Where  can  I  have  it,  Sam  ?  " 

Mr.  Weller's  knowledge  of  London  was  extensive  aiid 
peculiar.    He  replied,  without  the  slightest  consideration : 

^  Second  court  on  the  right-hand  side  — -  last  house  but 
yun  on  the  same  side  the  vay  — take  the  box  as  stands 


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THK  PICKWICK  CLUB.  IIS: 

In  the  first  firepkoe,  'cos  there  a'n't  no  leg  in  the  middle 
o'  Uie  table,  wich  all  the  others  has,  and  it's  weiy  incon- 
wenient** 

Mr.  Pickwick  observed  his  valet's  directions  implicitly, 
and  bidding  Sam  follow  him,  entered  the  tavern  he  had 
pcnnted  out,  where  the  hot  brandy  and  water  was  speed- 
ily placed  before  him  ;  while  Mr.  Weller,  seated  at  a  re- 
spectful distance,  though  at  the  same  table  with  his  mas- 
ter, was  accommodated  with  a  pint  of  porter. 

The  room  was  one  of  a  very  homely  description,  and 
was  apparently  under  the  especial  patronage  of  stage 
coachmen :  for  several  gentlemen,  who  had  all  the  ap- 
pearance of  belonging  to  that  learned  profession,  were 
drinking  and  smoking  in  the  different  boxes.  Among  the 
number  was  one  stout,  red-faced,  elderly  man  in  partica- 
lar,  seated  in  an  opposite  box,  who  attracted  Mr.  Pick- 
wick's attention.  The  stout  man  was  smoking  widi  great 
vehemence,  but  between  every  half-doaen  pufi^,  he  took 
his  pipe  from  his  mouth,  and  looked  first  at  Mr.  Weller 
and  then  at  Mr.  Pickwick.  Then,  he  would  bury  in  a 
quart-pot  as  much  of  his  coontenance  as  the  dimensions 
of  the  quart-pot  admitted  of  its  receiving,  and  take  an- 
other \o(3k  at  Sam  and  Mr.  Pickwick.  Then  he  would 
take  another  half-dozen  puffs  with  an  air  of  proibund 
meditation,  and  look  at  them  again.  At  last  the  stout 
man,  putting  up  his  legs  on  the  seat,  and  leaning  his  back 
against  the  wall,  began  to  puff  at  his  pipe  without  leaving 
off  at  all,  and  to  stare  throng  the  smoke  at  the  new  com- 
ers, as  if  he  had  made  up  his  mind  to  see  the  moat  he 
could  of  them. 

At  first  the  evolutions  of  the  stout  man  had  escaped 
Mr.  Welter's  observation,  but  by  degreeS)  as  he  saw  Mr. 
Pidcwick's  eyes  every  now  and  then  turning  towards  him, 

VOL.  u.  8 

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114  PJSTHUHOUd  PAFSfiS  OF 

he  began  to  gaze  in  the  same  directloAt  al  the  sasie  time  • 
shading  his  eyes  with  his  hand^  as  if  he  partially  recoct 
nized  the  object  before  him,  and  wished  to  make  quite 
sure  of  its  identity.  His  doubts  were  speedily  di^elled, 
howey^ ;  for  the  stout  man  having  blown  a  thick  dond 
from  his  pipe,  a  hoarse  yoioe,  like  some  strange  efibrt  of 
ventriloquism,  emei^ged  from  beneath  the  capacious  shawls 
which  muflled  his  throat  and  chest,  and  sbwly  uttered 
these  sounds  —  "  Wy,  Sammy ! " 

""  Who's  that,  Sam  ?  "  inquired  Mr.  Pickwiok. 

''  Why,  I  wouldn't  ha'  beUeved  it,  ur,"  repUed  Mr. 
Weller,  With  astonished  eyes.    **  Itfs  the  old  W." 

"^  Old  one,"  said  Mr.  PickwicL    "  What  old  one  ?  " 

^  My  &ti&er,  nr,"  replied  Mr.  Weller.  ^  How  are  you, 
my  ancient  ?  "  With  which  beautifiil  ebullition  of  filiid 
affsction,  Mr.  Weller  made  room  on  the  seat  beside  him 
for  the  stout  man,  who  advanced,  pipe  in  mouth  and  pot 
in  hand,  to  greet  him. 

*  Wy,  Sammy,"  said  the  father,  <<  I  ha'n't  seen  you  for 
t«ro  year  and  better." 

^Nor  more  you  have,oU  codger,"  re^ed  the  son* 
"^  How's  motiber^in-Jaw  ?  " 

<"  Wy,  ru  teU  you  what,  Sammy,"  aaid  Mr.  Weller, 
flMior,  with  muoh  solemnity  in  his  mamier ;  '^  there  never 
WAS  a  nicer  woman  as  a  widder  than  that  'ere  second 
Wentur  o'  mine — a  sweet  creetur  she  was,  Sammy  ;  all 
I  can  say  on  her  now  is,  that  as  she  was  such  an  uncom- 
mon pleasant  widder,  if  s  a  great  pity  she  ever  changed 
her  oon-dition.    She  don't  act  as  a  vife,  Sammy." 

"  Don't  she,  though?  "  inquired  Mr.  Weller,  junior. 

The  elder  Mr.  Weller  shook  his  head,  as  he  replied 
with  a  si^  '^  Fye  done  it  once  too  often,  Sammy  (  Tve 
done  il  oooe  too  often*    Take  example  by  your  fatheri 


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THX  I^ICKWIOK  OLOB.  115 

my  hojy  owl  be  wery  CKreAd  o'  widdera  all  yodr  Hl^  spe- 
ciallj  if  they've  kept  a  jrablio^hoiise,  Sammj.'*  Haring 
delivered  thb  parental  advice  witk  great  patbos,  Mr. 
Weller  Beniw  refilled  hit  pip6  from  a  tin  box  he  carried 
bi  his  pocket;  and  lighting  bis  fresh  pipe  fix)in  the 
tx^bel^  of  the  eld  on%  ooamenoed  smokiag  at  a  great  rate. 

^  Beg  jonr  pardon,  sir,"  he  saii,  rcbewiiag  the  sabjool^ 
and  addff^ssing  Mr.  Piobwiek,  after  a  eensidenifole  pause, 
^  nothin'  personal,  I  hope,  sir ;  I  hope  jou  haVt  got  t 
iridier,  gir.*^ 

^HhtV  repMed  Mr.  Pickwick,  lao^^g;  and  whik 
Mr.  Pickwick  laughed,  Sam  WeUer  informed  hk  parent 
in  a  whisper,  of  the  relation  inwUch  he  Blood  towards 
that  gent^man. 

^  Beg  70«r  paxdon,  sir,''  mid  Mr.  Welkr,  senior^  tak- 
ing off  hie  hat,  ^I  hope  youVe  bo  ieudt  lo  find  with 
8ammj,  sir." 

^  None  wkatefer,"*  said  Mr.  PickwUdc 

^  Werj  glad  to  hear  it,  dr,"  xepUed  the  old  mani  <<I 
took  a  good  deal  o'  pains  wilii  hk  eddki8tk>n,  sir)  let 
him  run  in  the  streets  wiieB  he  was  wety  joong,  and 
idiift  Ibr  his-sdt  II^  the  otlj  way  to  make  a  boy 
sharp,  siri" 

^  Bather  adangeroos  pioeese,  I  should  mai^mitf  said 
Mr.  Pickwick,  with  a  smile. 

*  And  not  a  w«y  enre  one,  BOlhert^  added  Mr«  Wel- 
kdr ;  ^  I  got  neglarfy  done  the  othar  day.^ 

^Mol'saidthefiidier. 

^Idid^''saidthBsoQ;'andlM  pioeeeded  to  relate  m 
aafew  wovds  as  poeiiUe,  how  he  had  fidlen  a  ready  dupe 
to  the  stratagems  of  Job  Trotter. 

Mr.  Weller  senior  list^ied  to  ths  tale  with  tiM  most 
pi«^oaiid  attentioii,  and,  at  its  tenmnatiaiiy  said— *- 


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UC  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

^  Wom't  one  o*  these  chape  slim  and  tall,  with  long 
hair,  and  the  gift  o*  the  gab  weij  gallopin'  ?  " 

Mr.  Pickwick  did  not  quite  understand  the  last  item 
of  description,  but,  omnpr^ending  the  first,  said  ^  Tes,** 
at  a  venture. 

'^T'other's  a  bbick*haired  chap  in  mulberry  livetj, 
with  a  wery  large  head?  " 

^  Yes,  yesy  he  is,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick  and  Sam,  with 
great  earnestness. 

^  Then  I  know  where  they  are,  and  thaf  s  all  about 
it,**  said  Mr.  Weller ;  ^  they're  at  Ipswich,  safe  enough, 
them  two." 

**  No  I"  said  Mr.  Pickwick. 

«  Fact,"  said  Mr.  Weller,  "  and  Til  tell  you  how  I 
know  it.  I  work  an  Ipswioh  ooach  now  and  then  for  a 
fi*iend  o'  mine.  I  worked  down  the  wery  day  arter  the 
night  as  you  caught  the  rheumatiz,  and  at  the  BladL 
Boy  at  Chelmsford  —  the  wery  place  they'd  come  to  — 
I  took  'em  up,  right  tlirough  to  Ipswich,  where  the  man 
servant — him  in  the  mulberries  —  told  me  they  was  a 
goin'  to  put  up  for  a  long  time." 

^  m  follow  him,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick ;  **  we  may  as 
well  see  Ipswich  as  any  other  place.    FU  foUow  him." 

**  Toa're  quite  certain  it  was  them,  governor  ?"  in- 
quired Mr.  Weller,  junior. 

**  Quite,  Sammy,  quite,"  replied  his  fiftther,  ^  for  their 
appearance  is  wery  sing'ler ;  besides  that  'ere,  I  wondered 
to  see  the  gen'l'm'n  so  formiliar  with  his  servant ;  and, 
more  than  that,  as  they  sat  in  fix>nt,  right  behind  the  box, 
I  heerd  'em  laughing,  and  saying  how  they'd  done  iM 
Fireworks." 

"  Old  who?  "  said  Mr.  Pickwick. 

'*  Old  Fireworks,  sir,  by  which,  Pve  no  doubt,  (hey 
meant  you,  sir." 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  117 

There  is  nothing  poaitiTety  vile  or  atrodocis  in  the  ap- 
pellation of  "  old  Fireworks,''  but  still  it  is  bj  no  means 
a  respectful  or  flattering  designation.  The  reeoUectioo 
of  all  the  wrongs  he  had  sustained  at  Jingle's  hands,  had 
crowded  on  Mr.  Pickwick's  mind,  the  moment  Mr.  Wel- 
ler  began  to  speak :  it  wanted  but  a  feather  to  torn  the 
•eale,  and  ^old  Firewofks  "  did  it 

<<ni  Mow  him,"  said  Mr.  Pickwidc,  with  an  emphalic 
blow  on  the  table. 

^  I  shall  woric  down  to  Ipswich  the  daj  arter  to-mop> 
row,  sir,"  said  Mr.  Weller  the  elder,  ^  from  the  Bull  in 
Whitechapel;  and  if  jou  really  mean  go,  ^700'd  better 
go  with  me." 

•*  So  we  had,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick ;  **  very  troe;  1  can 
write  to  Bury,  and  tell  them  to  meet  me  at  Ipswich.  Wte 
will  go  with  you.  But  don't  hurry  away,  Mr.  Wdler  j 
won't  you  take  anything?" 

*  You're  weiy  good,  sir,"  replied  Mr.  W.,  stopping 
short  —  ^perhaps  a  small  glass  of  brandy  to  drink  your 
Irealth,  and  success  to  Sammy,  sir,  wouldn't  be  amiss." 

^  Certainly  not,"  replied  Mr.  Pickwick.  ^  A  glass  of 
brandy  here!"  The  brandy  was  brought:  wad  Mr. 
WeUer,  after  pulling  his  hair  to  Mr.  Piokwidi,  and  nod- 
ding to  Sam,  jerked  it  down  his  ciqpacions  throat  as  if  it 
had  been  a  small  ^imble-fhlL 

"^  Wen  done,  ikth^,"  said  Sam,  "^tdke  care,  old  feUow, 
or  yoall  hare  a  touch  of  your  old  complaint,  the  gout." 

"  I've  found  a  sov'rYn  cure  for  that,  Sammy,"  replied 
Mr.  Weller,  setting  down  the  glass. 

'^  A  soTereign  cure  for  the  gout,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick, 
hastily  producing  his  note-book,  ^  what  is  it?" 

**The  gout,  sir,"  replied  Mr.  Weller,  «the  gout  is  a 
complaint  as  arises  from  too  much  ease  and  comfort    If 


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118  POSTHUMOUS  FAPEB8  OF 

erer  you're  atiadcad  with  the  goat,  or,  jkt  joa  many  a 
widder  as  has  got  a  good  lond  woice,  -with  a  decent  no* 
tion  of  nain'  it,  and  joa'll  neyer  ba^e  like  gout  agin.  It*! 
a  capital  prescriptioii,  air.  I  taikei  it  reg^lar^  and  I  can 
warrant  it  to  dnFe  aiway  any  ilfaieM  at  is  oauaed  bj  too 
much  jollity/'  Bsmng  in^arted  thia  valuable  aecreti 
Mr.  Weller  drained  his  ^^aas  ooee  mere,  produced  a  \a^ 
boved  winkt  sighed  deeply,  aad  slowfy  letired* 

'<  Well,  what  do  you  think  of  what  your  father  says* 
Sam  ?  **  vaqphei  Mr.  Pidiwiek,  mlh  a  smila. 

«11imk,  airl"  repfi^  Mr.  WeUer;  "why,  I  think 
he's  the  wictim  e'  eoonubiality,  aa  Blue  Beard's  domes- 
tic chaplain  said,  with  a  tear  of  pity,  Ten  he  buried  him." 

T&ere  was  na  replying  to  this  very  apposite  eonelu- 
sloo,  and,  therefore,  Mr#  Pidnrick,  efter  settUng  the 
reckoniiig,  resumed  hie  walk  to  Gray's  Inn.  By  the 
time  he  reached  its  secluded  groves,  however,  eight 
o'ekMdi:  had  struck,  and  the  unbroken  stream  of  g«inile- 
men  in  moddy  hi^-lows,  soUed  white  hata,  and  maty 
apparel,  who  were  pouritig  towards  the  different  avenues 
of  ^ress,  warned  him  that  the  miO<)^^7  o'  ^^  offices 
bed  doaed  for  that  day. 

After  dimbigg  iftre  pairs  of  steep  and  dirty  stain,  ht 
fbtmd  \m  atitieipflUie«e  were  lealiaed*  Miv  Periceifii 
"outer  door"  was  closed ;  and  Ihe  dead  silence  which 
Mlowed  Mr.  Wellsr's  repeatnd  kidca  thereat,  amKMmeed 
that  the  officials  had  retired  from  business  far  the  sight 

"  This  is  pleasant,  Slun,''  said  Mr.  Pickwiek  i  <"  I 
shouldn't  lose  an  hour  in  seeing  him ;  I  shall  Bdi  be  aUe 
to  get  one  wink  of  sleep  tondght,  I  knowi  nnleea  I  have 
the  satisfaction  of  loflectitig  that  I  have  odnAded  thii 
matter  to  a  professional  man." 

^  Here's  an  eid  'oeman  oenin'  vp-stain»  sir/'  rqptted 


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THE  nCCWlCK  CLUB.  11^ 

Mr.  Weller ;  ^  pVape  she  knows  iriwre  we  can  find  some* 
body.    Hallo,  old  ladj,  vem's  Mr.  Perkei^s  people  ?** 

^  Mr.  Perker's  people,*  said  a  thin,  mi9erable-kx>king 
old  woman,  stopping  to  recover  breath  afler  the  ascent  of 
the  staircase,  ^  Mr.  Porker's  peof^'s  gone,  and  Vm  a 
gdn'  to  do  the  offloe  oat** 

**  Are  7011  Mr.  Perker^s  servant  ?  **  inquived  Mr.  Pick- 
wick. 

^  I  am  Mr.  Perkev^s  laMBdress,"  replied  the  old  wo- 
man. 

**  Ah,''  Mid  Mr.  Pickwick,  half  aside  to  Sam,  ''xt's  a 
carious  etrcomstance,  Sam,  that  diej  call  the  old  women 
10  these  imM,  laundresses.    I  wmider  what  that's  fo/r.** 

^'Oos  they  has  a  mortid  arwierslMi  to  washing  anj« 
tUfl^,  I  suppose,  sir,"  r^tied  Mr.  Weller. 

«  I  fi^oaldn't  lironder,''  said  Mr.  PidLwick,  k>oking  at 
Ihe  M  woman,  whose  appearanoe  as  well  as  the  coodi-^ 
lion  of  the  office,  which  she  had  bj  this  time  opened,  in* 
dicated  a  rooted  antipathy  to  the  application  of  soap  and 
water;  ^do  you  know  wbeve  I  can  find  Mr.  Porker,  my 
good  woman?^ 

^  No,  I  don't,"  replied  the  oU  woman,  gniffly ;  ''ke'a 
oat  &  town  now.** 

"^  That*  s  mii£[irtmurte,''said  Ms.  Pickwick;  <<  wfaeMV  his 
derk  —do  you  know  ?" 

*^  Tes,  I  know  where  he  is,  bat  he  wooIdnH  thank  me 
ibr  telling  yon,"  replied  the  laondress. 

^I  haye  Tery  particokr  business  with  him,"  said 
Mr.  Pickwkk. 

^Won*t  it  do  in  the  morning?"  said  the  woman. 

«  Not  so  well,"  replied  Mr.  Piekwic*.. 

<<  Well,"  said  the  old  woman,  ^'if  it  was  anything  very 
fftrtioalar,  I  was  to  say  where  he  was,  so  I  suppose 


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120  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

there's  no  harm  in  telling.  If  you  just  go  to  the  Magpie 
and  Stump,  and  ask  at  the  bar  for  Mr.  Lowten,  thej'U 
show  jou  in  to  him,  and  he's  Mr.  Perker*s  clerk." 

With  this  direction,  and  having  been  furthermore  in« 
formed  that  the  hostelry  in  question  was  situated  in  a 
court,  happy  in  the  double  advantage  of  being  in  the  vi- 
cinity of  Clare  Market,  and  closely  approximating  to  the 
back  of  New  Inn,  Mr.  Pickwick  and  Sam  descended  the 
rickety  staircase  in  safety,  and  issued  forth  in  quest  of 
the  Magpie  and  Stump. 

This  &vored  tavern,  sacred  to  th^  evening  orgies  of 
Mr.  Lowten  and  his  companions,  was  what  ordinary  peo- 
ple would  designate  a  public-house.  That  the  landlord 
was  a  man  of  a  money-making  turn,  was  sufficiently  tes- 
tified by  the  fact  of  a  small  bulkhead  beneath  the  ti4p- 
room  window,  in  size  and  shape  not  unlike  a  sedan-chair, 
being  underlet  to  a  mender  of  shoes  :  and  that  he  was  a 
being  of  a  philanthropic  mind,  was  evident  from  the  pro- 
tection he  afforded  to  a  pie-man,  who  vended  his  delica^ 
cies  without  fear  of  interruption,  on  the  very  doo]>6tep. 
In  the  lower  windows,  which  were  decorated  with  cur- 
tains of  a  saflron  hue,  dangled  two  or  three  printed  cards, 
bearing  reference  to  Devonshire  dder  and  Dantxie 
^ruce,  while  a  large  black  board,  announcing  in  white 
letters  to  an  enlightened  public,  that  there  were  500,000 
barrels  of  double  stout  in  the  cellars  of  the  establish- 
ment, left  the  mind  in  a  state  of  not  unpleasing  doubt 
and  uncertainty,  as  to  the  precise  direction  in  the  bowels 
of  the  earth,  in  which  this  mighty  cavern  might  be  sup- 
posed to  extend.  When  we  add,  that  the  weather-beaten 
sign-board  bore  the  half-obliterated  semblance  of  a  mag- 
pie intently  eying  a  crooked  streak  of  brown  paint, 
which  the  neighbors  had  been  tau^t  itom  in&noy  te 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB..  121 

oonsider  as  the  ^  stump,"  we  have  said  aU  that  need  be 
said,  of  the  exterior  of  the  edifice. 

"  On  Mr.  Pickwick's  presenting  himself  at  the  bar,  an 
dderlj  female  emerged  from  behind  a  screen  thereini 
and  presented  herself  before  him. 

"Is  Mr.  Lowten  here,  ma'am?**  inquired  Mr.  Pick- 
wick. 

"  Yes  he  is,  sir,"  replied  the  landlady.  "  Here,  Chav- 
lej,  show  the  gentleman  in,  to  Mr.  Lowten.** 

*^  The  gen'l'm'n  can't  go  in,  just  now,"  said  a  shambling^ 
pot-boy,  with  a  red  head,  **^'cos  Mr.  Lowten's  a-singin'  a 
comic  song,  and  hell  put  him  out  Hell  be  done,  d'rect- 
ly  sir." 

The  red-headed  pot-boy  had  scarcely  finished  speak- 
ing, when  a  most  unanimous  hammering  of  tables,  and 
jingling  of  glasses,  announced  that  the  song  had  that 
instant  terminated;  and  Mr.  Pickwick,  after  desiring 
Sam  to  solace  himself  in  the  tap,  sufiered  himself  to  be 
conducted  into  the  presence  of  Mr.  Lowten. 

At  the  announcement  of  "  gentleman  to  speak  to  you, 
sir,"  a  puffy-faced  young  man  who  filled  the  chair  at  the 
head  of  the  table,  looked  with  some  surprise  in  the  di- 
rection from  whence  the  voice  proceeded :  and  the  sur- 
prise seemed  to  be  by  no  means  diminished,  when  his 
eyes  rested  on  an  indiyidnal  whom  he  had  never  seen 
before. 

"  I  beg  your  pardcm,  sir,**  said  Mr.  Pickwick,  "  aud  I 
am  very  sorry  to  disturb  the  other  gentlemen,  too,  but  1 
come  on  very  particular  business;  aodliif  you  will  suffer 
me  to  detain  you  at  this  end  of  the  r6om  for  five  minutes, 
I  shall  be  very  much  obliged  to  yoo.** 

The  puffy-faoed  young  man  rose,  and  drawing  a  chair 
dose  to  Mr.  Piftkwick  in  an  obecnre  comer  of  the  room, 
listened  attentively  to  his  tale  of  woe. 

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122  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

«AV'  be  said,  when  Mr.  Pickwick  htd  condaded, 
^'Dodson  and  Fogg — sharp  pracdoe  tkein  —  eapitml 
men  of  badness,  Dodaon  and  Fogg,  sir." 

Mr.  Pi^wick  adnutted  tbe  sharp  practice  cf  Dodaon 
and  Fogg,  and  Lowten  resumed. 

*•  P^iter  a'n't  in  town,  and  he  wont  be  neither,  before 
Ihe  end  of  next  week;  but  if  you  want  the  action  dc- 
iended,  and  will  leaye  the  copy  with  me,  I  can  do  all 
that's  needful  till  he  comes  back.*' 

^  ^  That's  exactly  what  I  came  here  for,"  said  Mr.  Rck- 
wick,  handing  oyer  die  document  '^  If  anything  par- 
ticolar  occurs,  you  can  write  to  me  aft  the  post-office,  Ips- 
wich." 

<^Thaf8  a&  right,"  relied  Mr.  Peiker^s  eLerk;  and 
tben  seemg  Mr.  PidLWidc'e  eye  wandering  cnrioualy 
towards  the  table,  he  added,  '^  Will  you  join  us,  for  half- 
an*hoiir  or  so  ?  We  are  capital  company  here  txM&i^bit. 
There's  Samkin  and  Green's  numaging^derk,  and  Smilh- 
ers  and  Price's  chancery,  and  Pimkin  and  Thomas's  out 
o*  door  -^  sings  a  a^tal  song,  h&  does — and  Jack  Bam- 
ber,  and  ever  so  many  more.  Tou're  orane  out  of  tiie 
country,  I  suppose.     Would  you  like  to  join  us  ?  " 

Mr.  Pickwidk  coukl  not  resist  so  tempting  an  q>por 
tnnity  of  studying  human  nature.  He  suffered  himself 
to  be  led  to  the  table,  where,  after  havii^  been  intro- 
duced to  the  company  in  due  form,  he  was  accommodated 
*  with  a  seat  near  the  chaiiman,  and  called  for  a  glass  of 
his  iaTorite  beverage. 

A  jurafoamd  dlenee,  quite  contrary  to  Mr.*  Pidcwii^'s 
oxpoctation,  sucoeeded. 

'^  Y  )u  don't  find  tins  sort  of  thing  disagreeaUe,  I  hope, 
drF"  said  hb  right  hand  neighbor,  a  gentleman  in  a 
cheeked  shirt,  and  Mosaic  stud%  witb'a  dgar  m  hit 
mouth. 

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THE  FDCKWIGK  CLtJB.  121 

«<Noi  ki  ike  Inttt,"  replied  Mr.  Pickwick,  «<I  like  il 
9mtj  B«oh,  akhougk  I  am  no  tmobtr  wsyseHJ* 

^  I  thovld  be  yeiy  eortj  ta  svf  I  watn V  inlerpeeed 
aaodier  gentfeufcaa  on  tb*  efpodts  side  of  llie  table* 
« II^  board  «tid  kdging  tam^  it  anokoL^ 

Mr.  Pickwick  glanced  at  the  speaker,  and  dioaglil 
tfwt  tf  it  were  washing  «oo>  it  woald  be  all  the  better. 

Hero  there  was  anetfanr  paase.  Me.  Hckwick  woe  a 
IbEanger,  and  his  ooming  had  eyide&tty  oast  a  damp  opoD 
the  partDr. 

^  Mr.  QroiidT^  g^nng  to  oblige  the  eompanj  with  a 
song,*'  said  the  chairman. 

""No  he  a'nV  said  Mr.  Graady. 

<<  Whj  mot?"  said  the  chabnnaa. 

*^  Because  he  can V  mwL  Mr.  Qnmdy. 

^  Too  had  better  saj  he  won't,"  replied  the  chairman* 

''Well,. then,  he  wonV  letorted  Mr.  OnuMfy.  Mr. 
Grondj's  posittre  reftnal  to  gratify  the  ooaspany,  ooea* 
sioned  another  silence. 

"  Won't  anjbodj  enlif^en  wi ?"  said  Ibe  chairmaa  do* 
spondin^y. 

*'  Why  don't  joa  enfiTen  «8  yoimelf,  Mr.  Chaannan?" 
atid  a  jonng  man  with  a  whisker,  a  sqaiat,  and  an  open 
ahiii  eoUar  (dirty),  fimn  the  bottom  of  the  taUe. 

''Hear!  hearl"  said  the  smokiag  gfntteman  ia  the 
Mosaic  joweby. 

''  Beeavse  I  only  know  one  song,  and  I  have  snag  it 
akready,  and  ilfs  a  fine  of  *  glaases  sovnd'  to  sing*  the 
Mae  soBg  twise  in  a  Bight,"  repiiod  the  chaBntta& 

This  was  an  uaansweiable  reply,  and  sfleaoe  pre* 
railed  again. 

'^I  have  been  to-night,  gentlemen,"  said  Mr.  Pi<^- 
wkk,  hoping  to  start  a  subject  which  all  the  company 


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124  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

couM  take  a  part  in  diaoossing,  ^  I  liaTe  been  to-night  in 
a  place  which  joa  all  know  rery  well,  doubtless,  b«t 
which  I  have  not  been  in  before,  for  some  years,  and 
know  very  litUe  of;  I  mean  Gray's  Inn,  gentkmeii. 
Gurions  little  nooks  in  a  great  place,  like  London,  these 
dd  inns  are." 

^  By  Jove,"  said  the  chairman,  whispering  across  the 
table  to  Mr.  Pickwick,  ^  you  have  hit  upon  something 
that  one  of  as,  at  least,  would  talk  upon  forerer.  Toull 
draw  old  Jack  Bamber  out ;  he  was  never  heard  to  talk 
about  anything  else  but  the  Inns,  and  he  has  lired  alone 
in  them,  till  he's  half  crazy." 

The  individual  to  whom  Lowten  alluded,  was  a  little 
yellow  high-shouldered  man,  whose  countenance,  from 
his  habit  of  stooping  forward  when  silent,  Mr.  Pidkwick 
had  not  observed  before.  He  wondered  though,  when 
the  old  man  raised  Ms  shrivelled  face,  and  bent  his  gray 
^e  upon  him,  with  a  keen  inquiring  look,  that  such  re- 
markable features  could  have  escaped  his  attention  for  a 
moment  There  was  a  fixed  grim  smile  perpetually  on 
his  countenance;  he  leant  his  chin  on  a  long  skinny 
hand,  with  nails  of  extraordinary  length ;  and  as  he  in- 
clined his  head  to  one  side,  and  looked  keenly  out  from 
beneath  his  ragged  gray  eyebrows,  there  was  a  strange, 
wild  slyness  in  his  leer,  quite  repulsive  to  behold. 

This  was  the  figure  that  now  started  forward,  and 
burst  into  an  animated  torrent  of  words.  As  this  chap- 
ter has  been  a  kng  one  however,  and  as  the  old  man 
was  a  remarkable  personage,  it  will  be  more  respeetftil 
to  Mm,  and  more  convenient  to  ns,  to  let  Mm  speak  for 
himself  in  a  fresh  one. 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  125 


CHAPTER  XXL 

HI  WHICH  THE  OLD  MAN  LAUK0HV8  K>RTR  IHTO  HIS 
FATORITB  THBME,  AND  RKLATX8  A  STOUT  ABOUT 
A   QUBKR   OLIBNT. 

"Aha!"  said  the  old  man,  a  brief  description  of 
whose  manner  and  appearance  concluded  the  last  chap- 
ter.   **  Aha !  who  was  talking  about  the  Inns  ?  " 

** I  was,  sir,"  replied  Mr.  Pickwick  —  "I  was  observ- 
ing what  singular  old  places  they  arci** 

^Taul**  said  the  old  man,  contemptnouslj,  **  What  do 
you  know  of  the  time  when  young  men  shut  themselves 
up  in  those  lonely  rooms,  and  read  and  read,  hour  after 
hour,  and  night  after  night,  till  their  reason  wandered 
beneath  their  midnight  studies ;  till  their  mental  powers 
were  exhausted;  till  rooming^s  light  brought  no  freshness 
or  health  to  them ;  and  they  sunk  beneath  the  unnatural 
devotion  of  their  youthfUl  energies  to  their  dry  old 
books  ?  Coming  down  to  a  later  time,  and  a  very  differ- 
ent day,  what  do  y&u  know  of  the  gradual  nnking  be- 
neath ccmsumption,  or  the  quick  wasting  of  fever  •:— the 
grand  results  of  '  life '  and  dissipation  —  which  men  have 
mdergone  in  those  same  rooms?  How  many  vain 
pleaders  kft  menT*,  do  you  think  have  turned  away 
beart-fflck  finom  the  lawyer^s  oflSce,  to  find  a  restiiig-place 
in  the  Thames,  or  a  refuge  in  the  jail  ?    They  are  no 


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12B  POSTHUKOUB  PAPBB8  OF 

ordinary  houses,  those.  There  is  not  a  panel  in  the  old 
wainscotting,  but  what,  if  it  were  endowed  with  the 
powers  of  speech  and  memory,  could  start  from  the  wall, 
and  tell  its  tale  of  horror  —  the  romance  of  life,  sir,  the 
romance  of  life  I  Commonplace  as  they  may  seem  now, 
I  tell  you  they  are  strange  old  places,  and  I  would  rather 
hear  many  a  legend  with  a  terrific  86unding  name,  than 
the  true  history  of  one  old  set  of  chambers.** 

Thai«  wM  «omethti^  so  odd  ia  the  old  cia»'«  soddtii 
eue;i^,  wsA  the  sulajeot  which  had  oaUed  it  br^f  that 
Mr.  Pickwick  was  prepared  with  no  obaervaition  in 
reply ;  and  the  old  man  checking  his  impetuosity,  and 
resuming  the  leca*,  which  had  disa^petu^  during  his 
previous  cxciteaacskt,  sidd : 

*^  Look  at  them  in  another  light :  their  most  eommon* 
pjace  and  leait  romantie.  What  ftne  places  of  sloit  tor- 
ture they  are !  Thiak  of  the  needy  man  who  has  speol 
JBs  aU,  i^eggarod  hiaiaelf  and  pinched  Us  friend^  to  enter 
the  profession,  whioh  will  n6T«r  yi^  him  a  norsel  of 
•bpead*  The  waiiuig  —  th^  hope —-the  disaf^ntment 
*— the  fear — the  misery*— the  povwty-^ the  blight  en 
^is  hopes,  and  end  to  his  eireer-^the  suicide  perhaps, 
or  the  shabby,  sUpsinQd  drOBkanU  Am  loot  rig^  about 
thfom?''  Atid  the  old  Man  raki>ed  his  haodsy  and  leered 
as  if  in  delight  at  hflving  found  another  point  of  view  in 
which  to  place  his  favorite  lubject 

Mr.  Piekiiack.ej)red  the  old  nan  wjth  gneat  curiosity, 
afid  the  vemain^er  of  the  oompany  smiled,  and  looked  ea 
iu  sOenee. 

^  Talk  of  yo«r  German  universities^''  said  the  little  «U 
mam  "  Pooh^  pooh  I  there's  romaoee  enoogii  at  hcMiie 
without goiag half  amik ibr it ;  only peofde nevo' think 


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THl  PICKWICK  CLUB.  127 

*'  I  nerer  thwig^  of  ^ae  romance  of  this  particular 
tnbject  before,  eertaiiilj,^  said  Mr.  Pickwid:,  laugfaii^. 

'<To  be  sure  70a  didn't,"  said  the  little  old  man,  <'of 
oomrae  not  As  a  friend  of  nune  used  to  say  to  ma, 
*  What  is  there  in  chambers  in  particular  ?'  ^  Queer  old 
places,'  said  L  « Not  at  all,'  saadhe.  ^  Lonely,'  said  L 
^  Not  a  bit  of  it,'  said  he.  He  died  one  momtng  of  apo- 
plexy, as  he  was  going  to  open  hb  outer  door.  Fell  with 
his  head  in  his  own  letter-box,  and  there  he  lay  for 
eighteen  moate.  Everybody  thought  he'd  gone  out 
of  town.* 

<<  And  how  was  hefbund  al  last?"  inquired  Mr.  Pick- 
wick. 

*<The  bevcfaers  determined  to  have  his  door  broken 
open,  as  he  hadn't  paid  any  rent  for  two  yeaiB.  So  they 
did.  Forced  the  lock ;  and  a  reiy  dusty  skeleton  in  a 
bhie  coat,  blaok  knee-sfaarts,  and  silks,  feU  forward  in  the 
arms  of  the  porter  who  <^»ened  the  door.  Qaeerv  that 
Rather,  perhaps?"  The  little  old  man  put  his  head 
more  on  one  side,  and  mhbed  hie  hands  with  unspeak- 
able glee. 

"  I  know  another  cate,"  sud  the  litde  old  man,  when 
his  chuckled  had  in  some  degree  sabsided  —  ^  It  occurred 
hi  Cl^rd'l}  Inn.  Tenant  of  a  topset-^bad  character 
—shut  himself  up  in  his  bedroom  doeet,  and  took  a 
dose  of  arsenia  The  steward  thought  he  had  run  away ; 
opened  the  door,  and  put  a  bill  up.  Aaotiier  man  cami), 
took  the  chatnbers,  funmhed  them,  and  went  to  live 
there.  Somehow  or  other  he  couldnH  sleep -— always 
restless  and  uncomfortable.  ^Odd,'  says  he^  <  111  make 
the  other  room  my  bedchamber,  and  this  my  sitting- 
room.'  He  made  the  diange^  and  slept  rery  wall  at 
night,  but  sudd««Hy  found  that,  somehow,  he  ooidd»'t 


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128  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

read  iu  the  evening :  he  got  nerrouB  and  uncomfortable, 
and  used  to  be  always  snu&ig  his  candles  and  staring 
about  him.  '  I  can't  make  this  out,'  said  he,  when  he 
came  home  from  the  plaj  one  night,  and  was  drinking  a 
glass  of  cold  grog,  with  his  back  to  the  wall,  in  order 
that  he  mightn't  be  able  to  fancy  there  was  any  one 
behind  him  — ^  I  can't  make  it  out,'  sfdd  he ;  and  just  then 
his  eyes  rested  on  the  little  closet  that  had  been  always 
locked  up,  and  a  shudder  ran  through  his  whole  frame 
from  top  to  toe.  *•  I  have  felt  this  strange  feding  before,' 
said  he,  *•  I  cannot  help  thinking  there's  something  wrong 
about  that  closet.'  He  made  a  strong  efibrt,  plucked  up 
his  courage,  shivered  the  lock  with  a  blow  or  two  of  the 
pdcer,  opened  the  door,  add  there,  sure  enough,  standing 
boh  upright  in  the  comer,  was  the  last  tenant,  with  a 
little  bottle  clasped  firmly  in  his  hand,  and  his  face  — 
well ! "  As  the  little  old  man  concluded,  he  looked  round 
on  the  attentive  faces  of  his  wondering  auditoi^y  with  a 
smile  of  grim  delight. 

"  What  strange  things  these  are  you  tell  us  of,  sir," 
said  Mr.  Pickwick,  minutely  scanning  the  old  man's 
countenance,  by  the  aid  of  his  glasses. 

^  Strange  1"  said  the  little  old  man.  ^Ncmsense; 
you  think  them  strange,  because  you  know  nothing  about 
it     They  are  funny,  but  not  uncommon." 

"  Funny  I "  exclaimed  Mr.  Pickwick,  involuntarily. 

*' Yes,  funny,  are  they  not  ?  "  replied  the  little  old  man, 
with  a  diabolical  leer ;  and  then,  without  pausing  for  an 
answer,  he  continued — 

"  I  knew  another  man  *—  let  me  see  —  It's  forty  yeass 
ago  BOW  —  who  took  an  old,  damp,  rotten  set  of  cham- 
bers, in  one  of  the  most  ancient  Inns,  thai  had  l>een  shut 
up  and  empty  for  years  and  years  heforb.    There  wei'e 


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THE  PICKWICK  CUJa  12p 

Iot$  of  .old  women's  stories  about  the  place^  and  k  oei^ 
tmnly  was  very  far  from  being  a  cheexful  one ;  bathe  wap 
poor,  and  the  rooms  were  cheap,  and  that  would  have 
been  quite  a  sufficient  reason  for  him,  if  thej  had  been 
ten  limes  worse  than  they  really  were.  He  was  obliged 
to  take  some  mouldering  fixtures  that  were  on  the  place, 
and  among  the  rest,  was  a  great  lumbering  wooden  press 
for  papers,  with  large  glass  doors,  and  a  green  curtain 
inside;  a  pretty  useless  thing  for  him,  for  he  had  no 
papers  to  put  in  it ;  and  as  to  his  clothes,  he  carried 
them  about  with  him,  and  that  wasn't  very  hard  work, 
either.  Well,  he  had  moved  in  all  his  furniture  —  it 
wasn't  quite  a  truck-full  —  and  had  sprinkled  it  about  the 
room,  so  as  to  make  the  four  chairs  look  as  much  like  a 
dozen  as  possible,  and  was  sitting  down  before  the  fire  at 
night,  drinking  the  first  glass  of  two  gallons  of  whiskey, 
he  had  ordered  on  credit,  wondering  whether  it  would 
ev^r  be  paid  for,  and  if  so,  in  how  many  years'  time, 
when  his  eyes  encountered  the  glass  doors  of  the  wooden 
press.  *  Ah ! '  says  he  —  *  If  I  hadn't  been  obliged  to 
take  that  ugly  article  at  the  old  broker's  valuation,  I 
might  have  got  something  comfortable  for  the  money. 
I'U  tell  you  what  it  is,  old  fellow,'  he  said,  speaking  cdoud 
to  the  press,  having  nothing  else  to  speak  to  — '  If  it 
wouldn't  cost  more  to  break  up  your  old  carcass,  than  it 
would  ever  be  worth  afterwards,  Fd  have  a  fir6  out  of 
yc  u,  in  less  than  no  time.'  He  had  hardly  spoken  the 
words,  when  a  sound  resembling  a  faint  groan,  appeared 
to  issue  from  the  interior  of  the  case.  It  startled  him 
at  first,  but  thinking,  on  a  moment's  refiection^  that  it 
must  be  some  young  fellow  in  the  next  chambers,  who 
had  been  dining  out,  be  put  his  feet  on  the  fender,  and 
raised  the  j^nr  to  stir  the  fire.    A^.  that  moment^  the 


VOL.  n. 


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180  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

•oan^  was  repeated :  and  one  of  the '  glass  doors  dlowlj 
opening,  disclosed  a  pale  and  emaciated  figure  in  soiled 
and  worn  apparel,  standing  erect  in  the  press.  The 
figure  was  tall  and  thin,  and  the  countenance  ezpressive 
of  care  and  anxiety ;  but  there  was  something  in  the  hue 
of  the  skin,  and  gaunt  and  unearthly  appearance  of  the 
whole  form,  which  no  being  of  this  world  was  ever  seet 
to  wear.  *  Who  are  you  ?*  said  the  new  tenant,  turning 
very  pale  :  poising  the  poker  in  his  hand,  however,  and 
taking  a  very  decent  aim  at  the  countenance  of  the 
ilgure  —  *  Who  are  you  ?  *  *  Don't  throw  that  poker  a*, 
me,*  replied  the  form  —  *  If  you  hurled  it  with  ever  sc 
sure  an  aim,  it  would  pass  through  me,  without  resistance, 
and  expend  its  force  on  the  wood  behind.     I  am  a  spirit. 

*  And,  pray,  what  do  you  want  here  ? '  faltered  the  tenant. 

*  In  this  room,'  replied  the  apparition,  *  my  worldly  ruin 
was  worised,  and  I  send  my  children  beggared.  In  this 
press,  the  papers  in  a  long,  long  suit,  which  accumulated 
for  years,  were  deposited.  In  this  room,  when  I  had 
died  of  grie^  and  long-deferred  hope,  two  wily  harpies 
divided  the  wealth  for  which  I  had  contested  during  a 
wretched  existence,  and  of  which,  at  last,  not  one  farthing 
was  left  for  my  nnhappy  descendants.  I  terrified  them 
from  the  spot,  and  since  that  day  hove  prowled  by  night 
—  the  only  period  at  which  I  can  revimt  the  earth  — 
about  the  scenes  of  my  long-protracted  misery.  Tliis 
apartment  is  mine :  leave  it  to  me.'  *  If  you  insist  upon 
making  your  appearance  here,'  said  the  tenant,  who  had 
had  time  to  collect  his  presence  of  mind  during  this  prosy 
statement  of  the  ghost's  — '  I  shall  give  up  possessicm  with 
the  greatest  pleasure ;  but  I  should  like  to  ask  you  one 
question,  if  you  will  allow  me.'  '  Say  on,'  said  the  appa- 
rition, sternly.    '  Well,'  said  the  tenant,  <  I  dda't  apply  the 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  ISl 

obeervation  penonallj  to  you,  because  it  is  equallj  i^^pU- 
cable  to  most  of  the  ghosts  I  ever  beard  of;  bat  it  does 
appear  ^  me,  somewhat  inoonsistent,  that  when  you  have 
an  opportunitj  of  visiting  the  fiurest  q;K>ts  of  e^th  *^fin* 
I  suppose  space  is  nothing  to  you  — ^  jou  should  alwajs 
retuiT)  «z«ctl  J  to  the  very  plaoes  where  jou  btti^e  been  most 
mid»Eid>le.'  *  Egad,  thaf  s  very  true ;  I  never  thoaght  of 
that  before,'  said  the  ghost.  ^  You  see,  sir,'  pursued  the 
tpnant, '  thk  is  a  very  uncomfortable  room.  From  the 
appearance  of  tiiat  press,  I  should  be  disposed  to  say 
that  it  is  not  wholly  free  fixun  bugs ;  and  I  really  think 
you  might  find  much  more  comfortable  quarters :  to  say 
nothing  of  the  climate  of  London,  which  is  extremely  dis- 
agreeable.' *Tou  are  very  right,  sir,*  said  the  ghoel, 
politely,  *  it  never  strudk  me  till  now ;  111  try  change  of 
air  directi}''  —  and,  in  fact,  he  began  to  vanish  as  he 
spoke :  his  legs,  indeed,  had  quite  disi^peared.  ^And 
if,  sir,'  said  the  tenant,  calling  .after  him,  ^  if  you  would 
have  tlie  goodness  to  suggest  to  the  other  ladies  and  gen- 
tlemen who  are  now  engaged  in  haunting  old  empty 
houses,  that  they  might  be  much  more  comfortable  else- 
where, you  will  confer  a  very  great  benefit  on  society.' 
*I  wfll,'  replied  the  ghost;  *  we  must  be  dull  f^ows^*- 
very  duU  feUows,  indeed ;  I  can't  imagine  how  we  can 
Itave  been  so  stupid.'  With  these  words,  the  spirit  dis- 
appeared; and  what  is  rather  remarkable,"  added  the 
old  man,  with  a  shrewd  look  round  the  table,  **  he  never 
came  back  again." 

''That  a'n't  bad,  if  if s  true,"  said  the  man  in  the  Mo- 
saic studs,  lighting  a  fresh  cigar. 

**  ]^!  "  exdaimed  the  old  man,  with  a  look  of  excep- 
tive ccmtempt.  ^  I  suppose,"  he  added,  turning  to  Low- 
ten,  ^  bell  say  next,  that  my  story  about  the  quieer  clieni 


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182  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

we  had,  when  I  was  m  an  attornej^s  office,  is  not  trae, 
either — I  shooldn't  wonder.'* 

**  I  sha'n't  venture  to  say  anything  at  all  about  it,  see- 
ing that  I  never  heard  the  story,"  observed  the  owner  of 
the  Mosaic  decorations. 

•^  I  wish  yon  would  repeat  it,  sir,"  said  Mr.  m<^wick. 

**  Ah,  do,"  said  Lowten,  **  nobody  has  heard  it  but  m6| 
and  I  have  neariy  forgotten  it." 

The  old  man  looked  round  the  table,  and  leered  more 
horribly  than  ever,  as  if  in  triumph  at  the  attention 
which  was  depicted  in  every  face.  Then  nibbing  his 
chin  with  his  hand,  and  looking  up  to  the  ceiling  as  if 
to  recall  the  circumstances  to  his  memory,  he  began  as 
fallows : 


THE  OLD  MAN'S  TALE  ABOUT  THE  QUEER 
CLIENT. 

"It  matters  little,"  said  the  old  man,  *  where,  or  how, 
I  picked  up  this  brief  history.  If  T  were  to  relate  it  in 
the  order  in  which  it  reached  me,  I  should  commence  in 
the  middle,  and  when  I  had  arrived  at  the  conclusion,  go 
back  fbr  a  beginning.  It  i^  enough  for  me  to  say  that 
some  of  its  circumstances  passed  before  my  own  eyes. 
For  the  remainder  I  know  them  to  have  happened,  and 
fhc-Te  are  some  persons  yet  Hving,  who  will  remember 
them  but  too  well. 

''In  the  Bordfugh  High  Street,  near  Saint  Georges 
Church,  and  on  the  same  side  of  the^way,  stands,  as 
most  people  know,  the  smallest  of  our  debtors'  prisons 
—  the  Marsbalsea.  Although  in  later  times  it  has  been 
a  very  difcrent  plane  from  the  sink  of  filth  and  dirt  it 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  133 

once  was,  even  its  improved  oondilion  bolds  out  but  lii- 
Ue  temptation  to  the  extravagant  or  consolation  to  the 
improvident  llie  condemned  felon  has  a  good  yard  for 
air  and  exercise  in  Newgate,  as  the  insolvent  debtor  in 
the  Marshalsea  Prison.* 

"  It  may  be  my  fancy,  or  it  may  be  that  I  cannot  sep- 
arate the  place  from  the  old  recollections  associated  with 
it,  but  this  part  of  London  I  cannot  bear.  The  street  is 
broad,  the  shops  are  spacious,  the  noise  of  passmg  vehi- 
cles, the  footsteps  of  a  perpetual  stream  of  people  — 
all  the  busy  sounds  of  traffic,  resound  in  it  from  mom 
to  midnight,  but  the  streets  around,  are  mean  and  close ; 
poverty  and  debauchery  lie  festering  in  Ae  crowded 
alleys ;  want  and  misfortune  are  pent  up  in  the  narrow 
prison ;  an  air  of  gloom  and  dreariness  seems,  in  my 
eyes  at  least,  to  hang  about  the  scene,  And  to  impart  to 
it,  a  squalid  and  sickly  hue. 

"  Many  eyes,  that  have  long  since  been  closed  in  the 
grave,  have  looked  round  upon  that  scene  lightly  enough, 
when  entering  the  gate  of  the  old  Marshalsea  Prison 
for  the  first  time:  for  despair  seldom  comes  with  the 
first  severe  shock  of  misfortune.  A  man  has  confidence 
m  untried  friends,  he  remembers  the  many  offers  of  ser- 
vice so  freely  made  by  his  boon  companions  when  he 
wanted  them  not;  he  has  hope  —  the  hope  of  happy 
inexperience  —  and  however  he  may  bend  beneath  the 
first  shock,  it  springs  up  in  his  bosom,  and  flourishes 
there  for  a  brief  space,  until  it  droops  beneath  the  blight 
of  disappointment  and  neglect  How  soon  have  those 
same  eyes,  deeply  sunken  in  the  head,  glared  from  faces 
wasted  with  fiunine,  and  sallow  from  confinement,  in  days 

*  Better.  But  this  U  past,  in  a  better  age,  and  the  priaon  eausts  no 
longer. 


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ia4  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

when  it  was  no  tigure  of  speech  to  say  that  debtors  rot* 
ted  in  prison,  with  no  hope  of  release,  and  no  prospect  of 
liberty  I  The  atrocity  in  its  full  extent  no  longer  exists, 
but  there  is  enough  of  it  left,  to  give  rise  to  occuirenoes 
that  make  the  heart  bleed. 

'^  Twenty  years  ago,  that  pavement  was  worn  with  the 
footsteps  of  a  mother  and  diild,  who,  day  by  day,  so 
surely  as  the  morning  came,  presented  themselves  at  the 
prison  gate ;  often  af^er  a  night  of  restless  misery  and 
anxious  thoughts,  were  they  diere,  a  full  hour  too  soon, 
and  then  the  young  mother  turning  meekly  away,  would 
lead  the  child  to  the  old  bridge,  and  raising  him  in  her 
arms  to  show  him  the  glistening  water,  tinted  with  the 
light  of  the  morning's  sun,  and  stirring  with  all  the 
bustling  preparations  for  business  and  pleasure  that  the 
river  presented  at  that  early  hour,  endeavor  to  interest 
his  thoughts  in  the  objects  before  him.  But  she  would 
quickly  set  him  down,  and  hiding  her  face  in  her  shawl, 
give  vent  to  the  tears  that  blinded  her ;  for  no  expres- 
sion of  interest  or  amusement  lighted  up  his  thin  and 
sickly  face.  His  recollections  were  few  enough,  but 
they  were  all  of  one  kind  —  aU  connected  with  the 
poverty  and  misery  of  his  parents.  Hour  after  hour, 
had  he  sat  on  his  mother's  knee,  and  with  childish  sym- 
pathy watched  the  tears  that  stole  down  her  face,  and 
then  crept  quietly  away  into  some  dark  comer,  and 
sobbed  himself  to  sleep.  •  The  hard  realities  of  the 
world,  with  many  of  its  worst  privations  —  hunger  and 
thirst,  and  cold  and  want  —  had  all  come  home  to  hinif 
from  the  first  dawnings  of  reason :  and  though  the  form 
of  childhood  was  there,  its  light  heart,  its  merry  laugh, 
and  sparkling  eyes,  were  wanting. 

^Tlie  fattier  and  mother  looked  on  upon  this,  and 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLDB.  185 

Upon  each  other,  with  thoughts  of  agonj  they  dared  nol 
breathe  in  words.  The  healthy,  strong-made  man,  who 
could  have  borne  almost  any  fatigue  of  active  exertion, 
was  wasting  beneath  the  close  confinement  and  unhealtlly 
atmosphere  of  a  crowded  priv^n.  The  slight  and  deli- 
cate woman  was  sinking  beneath  the  combined  effects  of 
bodily  and  mental  illness.  The  child's  young  heart  was 
breaking. 

"  Winter  came,  and  with  it  weeks  of  cold  and  heavy 
rain.  The  poor  girl  had  removed  to  a  wretched  apart- 
ment close  to  the  spot  of  her  husband's  imprisonment; 
and  though  the  change  had  been  rendered  necessary  by 
their  increasing  poverty,  she  was  happier  now,  for  she 
was  nearer  him.  For  two  months,  she  and  her  little 
Companion  watched  the  opening  of  the  gate  as  usuaL 
One  day  she  failed  to  come,  for  the  first  time.  Another 
morning  arrived,  and  she  came  alone.  The  child  was 
dead. 

"They  little  know,  who  coldly  talk  of  the  poor  man's 
bereavements,  as  a  happy  release  from  pain  to  the  de- 
parted, and  a  mercifal  relief  from  expense  to  the  sur- 
vivor—  they  Kttie  know,  I  say,  what  the  agony  of  those 
bereavements  is.  A  silent  look  of  affection  and  regard 
when  all  other  eyes  are  turned  coldly  away  —  the  cott- 
Bciousness  that  we  possess  the  Sjrmpathy  and  afiection 
of  one  being  when  all  others  have  deserted  us  —  is  a 
hold,  a  stay,  a  comfort  in  the  deepest  affliction,  which 
DO  wealth  could  purchase,  or  power  bestow.  The  child 
had  sat  at  his  parents'  feet  for  hours  together,  with  his 
little  hands  patiently  folded  in  each  other,  and  his  thin 
wan  face  raised  towards  them.  They  had  seen  him  pine 
•way,  from  day  to  day ;  and  though  his  brief  existence 
had  been  a  joyless  one,  and  he  was  now  remoTed  to  that 


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136  POSTHUMOUS  PAFBRS  OF 

f>ea(ie  and  r^t  which,  child  as  he  was,  he  had  aever 
known  m  this  world,  thej  were  his  parents,  and  his  loss 
sunk  deep  into  their  bouIs. 

•  ^  It  was  plain  to  those  who  looked  upon  the  mother^s 
altered  face  that  death  must  soon  close  the  scene  of  her 
adversity  and  trial.  Her  husband's  fellow-prisonerB 
shrunk  from  obtruding  on  his  grief  and  misery,  and  left 
to  himself  alone,  the  small  room  he  had  previouslj  oe- 
eupied  in  common  with  two  companions*  She  shared 
it  with  him :  and  lingering  on  without  pain,  but  withoat 
hope,  her  life  ebbed  slowly  away. 

<<  She  had  fhinted  one  evening  in  her  husband's  armSi 
and  he  had  borne  her  to  the  open  window,  to  revive  her 
with  the  air,  when  the  light  <^  the  moon  falling  fiiU  upon 
her  face,  showed  him  a  change  upon  her  features,  whidi 
made  him  stagger  beneath  her  weight,  like  a  helpless 
infant. 

**  *  Set  me  down,  George,*  she  said  faintly.  He  did  flo, 
and  seating  himself  beside  her,  covered  his  Bstce  wiUi  his 
liands,  and  burst  into  tears. 

^  *  It  18  very  hard  to  leave  you,  George,'  she  said,  '  but 
it  is  God's  will,  and  you  must  bear  it  for  my  sake.  Oh  I 
bow  I  thank  him  for  having  taken  oUr  boy*  He  is  hap- 
py, and  in  Heaven  now.  What  would  he  have  done 
here,  without  his  mother!' 

^ '  You  shall  not  die,  Mary,  you  shall  not  die ; '  said 
tlie  husband,  starting  up.  He  paced  hurriedly  to  and 
fro,  striking  his  head  with  his  clenched  fist ;  then  reseat- 
ing himself  beside  her,  and  supporting  her  in  his  arms, 
added  more  calmly,  *  Rouse  yourself,  my  dear  girl  — 
pray,  pray  do.     You  will  revive  yet' 

"  *  Never  again,  George  ;  never  again ''—  said  the  dy* 
jog  ^Yoman.    *  Let  them  lay  me  by  my  pow  boy  now,  .1  ut 


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THB  PICKWICK  CLUB.  137 

promise  me,  that  if  ever  jou  lesre  this  ire«dfiil  plaoe^ 
and  shonld  grow  rich,  joQ  will  have  ne  removed  to  flom« 
quiet  country  church-yard,  a  long,  long  way  off —  very 
&r  from  here,  where  we  can  rest  in  peace.  Dear  GreorgO) 
promise  me  you  wiU.' 

'^  *  I  do,  I  do,'  said  the  man,  throwing  himself  passion- 
ately on  his  knees  before  her.  ^  Speak  to  me,  Mary^ 
another  word ;  one  look  —  but  one ! '  — 

^  He  ceased  to  speak :  for  the  arm  that  clasped  his 
neck,  grew  stiff  and  heavy.  A  deep  sigh  escaped  ftcm 
the  wasted  form  before  him ;  the  lips  moved,  and  a  smile 
played  upon  the  face,  but  the  lips  were  pallid,  and  the 
smile  faded  into  a  rigid  and  ghastly  stare.  He  was  alone 
in  the  world. 

**  That  night,  in  the  rilenoe  and  desolation  of  his  mis* 
erable  room,  the  wretched  man  knelt  down  by  the  dead 
body  of  his  wife,  and  called  on  God  to  witness  a  terrible 
oath,  that  from  that  hour,  he  devoted  himself  to  revenge 
her  death  and  that  of  his  child ;  that  thenceforth  to  the 
last  moment  of  his  life,  his  whole  energies  should  be  di- 
rected to  this  one  object;  that  his  revenge  should  be 
protracted  and  terrible ;  that  his  hatred  should  be  undy- 
ing and  inextinguishable ;  and  should  hunt  its  object 
through  the  world. 

^The  deepest  despair,  and  passion  scarcely  humttiii 
had  made  such  fierce  ravages  on  his  fhce  and  form,  in 
that  one  night,  that  his  companions  in  misfortune  shrunk 
affrighted  from  him  as  he  passed  by.  His  eyes  were 
bloodshot  and  heavy,  his  face  a  deadly  white,  and  hi# 
body  bent  as  if  with  age.  He  had  bitten  his  under  lip 
nearly  through  in  the  violence  of  his  mental  suffering, 
and  the  blood  which  had  flowed  from  the  wound  had 
trickled  down  his  chin,  and  st^uned  his  shirt  and  neck<* 


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138  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

eroliief.  No  fear,  or  sound  of  complaint  escaped  him ; 
but  the  unsettled  look^  and  disordered  haste  with  which 
he  paced  up  and  down  the  yard,  denoted  the  fever  which 
was  burning  within. 

^  It  was  necessary  that  his  wife's  body  should  be  re- 
moved from  the  prison,  without  delay.  Ete  received  the 
communication  with  perfect  calmness,  and  acquiesced  in 
its  propriety.  Nearly  all  the  inmates  of  the  prison  had 
assembled  to  witness  its  removal;  they  fell  back  on 
either  side  when  the  widower  appeared;  he  walked 
hurriedly  forward,  and  stationed  himselff  alone,  in  a  lit- 
tle railed  area  dose  to  the  lodge  gate,  from  whence  the 
srowd,  with  an  instinctive  feeling  of  delicacy  had  retired. 
The  rude  coffin  was  borne  slowly  forward  on  men's 
shoulders.  A  dead  silence  pervaded  the  throng,  brc^en 
only  by  the  audible  lamentations  of  the  women,  and  the 
fihafflii^  steps  of  the  bearers  on  the  stone  pavement 
They  reached  the  spot  where  the  bereaved  husband 
slood :  and  6t<^ped.  He  laid  his  hand  upon  the  coffin, 
and  mechanically  ac^usting  the  pall  with  which  it  was 
oovered,  motioned  them  onward.  The  turnkeys  in  the 
prison  lobby  took  off  Uieir  hats  as  it  passed  through,  and 
in  another  moment  the  heavy  gate  dosed  behind  it.  He 
looked  vacantly  upon  the  crowd,  and  fell  heavily  to  the 
ground. 

''  Although  for  many  weeks  after  this,  he  was  watched 
night  and  day,  in  the  wildest  ravings  of  fever,  neither 
the  consdousoess  of  kis  loss,  nor  the  recollection  o£  the 
vow  he  had  made,  ever  left  him  for  a  nunnent  Scenes 
changed  before  his  eyes,  place  succeeded  place,  and  event 
(bUowed  event,  in  all  the  hurry  of  delirium ;  but  they 
were  all  connected  in  some  way  with  the  great  object 
of  his  mind.     He  was  sailing  over  a  boundless  expanse 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  139 

>f  sea,  with  a  blood-red  sky  above,  and  the  angry  waters^ 
lashed  into  ftiry  beneath,  boiling  and  eddying  up,  on  erery 
side.  There  was  another  vessel  before  them,  toiling  and 
laboring  in  the  howling  storm :  her  canvas  flattering  in 
ribbons  from  the  mast,  and  her  deck  thronged  with  flg- 
ares  who  were  lashed  to  the  sides^  over  whieh  huge 
wav<S8  every  instant  burst,  sweeping  away  some  devoted 
creatores  into  the  foaming  sea.  Onward  they  bore, 
aim<tet  die  roaring  mass  of  water,  wiUi  a  speed  and 
force  which  nothing  could  reast ;  and  striking  the  stem 
of  the  foremost  vessel,  cnidbed  her,  beneath  their  keel. 
From  the  hage  whirlpool  which  the  sinking  wve<^  oc- 
casioned, arose  a  ihri^  so  loud  and  shrill  —  the  death* 
cry  of  a  hundred  drowning  creatures,  blended  into  one 
fierce  ydl — that  it  rung  fkt  above  the  war-ciy  of  the 
elements,  aod  echoed  and  reedioed  till  it  seemed  to  pierce 
air,  sky,  and  ocean.  But  what  was  that  -^  that  old 
gray-head  that  rose  above  the  water^s  surface,  and  with 
looks  of  agony,  and  screams  for  aid,  buffeted  with  the 
waves !  One  k)ok,  and  he  had  sprang  from  the  vesseVs 
nde,  and  with  vigorous  strdces  was  swimming  towards 
it  He  ^reached  it :  he  waa  dose  upon  it.  lliey  were 
his  features.  Hie  old  man  aaw  him  coaiag,  and  vainly 
strove  to  elude  his  grasp.  But  he  clasped  him  tight,  and 
dnq^ged  him  beneath  the  water.  Down,  down  with  him, 
fiffy ftthoms  down;  his  8tnig|^  grew  fointer  and  fidntery 
until  they  wholly  eeased.  He  was  dead  ;  he  had  kilkd 
him,,  and  had  kept  Us  eath. 

^  He  was  traversiog  the  soorchiiig  sands  of  a  mighty 
desert,  barefool  and  akme.  The  sand  choked  and 
blinded  him  ;  its  fine  thin  grains  entered  the  very  pores 
of  his  skin,  and  initaled  hiai  aLnost  to  madness.  Qi* 
gantic  masses  «f  the  same  material  carried  forward  by 


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140  P08THm«)US  PAPERS  OF 

the  wind)  and  shone  through  by  the  burning  sun,  stalked 
in  the  distance  like  pillars  of  living  fire.  The  bones  o£ 
men,  who  had  perished  in  the  drearj  waste,  lay  scattered 
at  his  feet ;  a  fearful  light  fell  on  everything  mround ;  so 
fiur  as  the  eye  could  rc»u)h,  nothing  but  objects  of  dread 
and  hontMT  presented  themeelves*  Vainly  striving  to 
utter  a  cry  of  terror,  with  his  tcmgue  cleaving  to  his 
month,  he  rushed  madly  forward.  Aimed  with  super* 
natural  strength,  he  waded  thiou|^  the  sand,  until  ex- 
hausted with  &tigue  and  tbint,  he  fell  senseleas  on  the 
earth.  What  fragrant  coolness  revived  him ;  what  gush- 
ing sound  was  that  ?  Water  I  It  was  indeed  a  well ; 
and  the  dear  fresh  stream  was  running  at  his  feet  He 
drank  deeply  of  it,  and  throwing  his  aching  limbs  upon 
the  bank,  sunk  into  a  delicious  trance.  The  sound  of 
approaching  footsteps  roused  him.  An  dd  gray-headed 
man  tottered  forward  to  akke  his  burning  thirst  It  was 
he  again!  He  wound  hia  arms  round  the  old  man's 
body,  and  hdd  him  bade  He  struggled,  and  shrieked 
for  water — for  but  one  6brap  el  waiter  to  save  his  life  I 
But  he  held  the  old  man  fiimly,  and  watched  his  agonies 
with  greedy  eyes ;  and  when  his  lifeless  head  fell  for- 
ward on  his  bosom,  he  rolled  the  corpse  from  him  with 
his  feet 

^  When  the  fever  1^  him,  and  conscionsneas  returned, 
he  awoke  to  find  himself  noh  and  free :  to  hear  that  the 
parent  who  would  b«ve  let  ham  die  in  jail  —  womld/  who 
had  let  those  who  were  far  dearer  to  him  than  his  own 
existence^  die  of  wast  and  the  stdmess  of  heart  that 
medicine  cannot  enre— -had  been  foand,  dead  on  his 
bed  of  down.  He  had  had  all  the  heart  to  leave  his 
son  a  beggitr,  but  proud  even  of  Ms  heallh  and  strength, 
nad  put  off  the  aet  (01  it  was  too  late,  and  now  might 


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THX  nCKWICS  CLUB.  HI 

goaah  hit  teeth  in  the  other  wodd,  at  the  thought  of  the 
wealth  hit  remksness  had  kft  him.  He  awoke  to  this^ 
and  he  awoke  to  more*  To  recollect  the  purpose  fcnr 
which  he  lived,  and  to  remember  that  his  enemy  was 
his  wife's  own  fiither  —  the  man  who  had  cast  him  into 
prison,  and  who^  when  his  daughter  and  her  child  sued 
a$  his  feet  for  merej,  had  spumed  them  from  his 
door*  Oh,  how  he  cursed  the  weakness  that  prevented 
him  fixMn  b^ng  op  and  active,  in  his  scheme  of  ven« 
geaacel 

^  He  caused  himself  to  be  carried  from  the  scene  of 
his  loss  and  misery,  and  convejed  to  a  quiet  residence  on 
the  sea-coast  —  not  in  the  hope  of  recovering  his  peace 
of  mind  or  happiness^  tor  both  were  fled  forever ;  but  to 
restore  his  prostrate  energies,  and  meditate  on  his  dar- 
ling ol\iect  And  here,  some  evil  sglrii  cast  in  his  wa^ . 
the  opportunity  for  his  first,  most  horrible  revenge. 

^It  was  summer  time;  and  wrapped  in  his  gloomy 
thoughts,  he  would  issue  from  his  solitary  lodgings  early 
in  the  evening,  and  wandering  along  a  narrow  path  be- 
neath the  cliffs,  to  a  wild  and  londy  spot  th^i  had  struck 
his  fancy  in  his  ramblings,  seat  himself  on  some  fallen 
fragments  of  the  rock,  and  burying  his  &oe  in  his  hands, 
remain  there  for  hours  —  sometimes  until  night  had  com- 
pletely closed  in,  and  the  long  shadows  of  Uie  frowning 
diffs  above  his  head,  cast  a  thick  black  darknees  on  every 
object  near  him. 

'^  He  was  seated  here,  one  cahn  evenmg  in  his  oki  po- 
sition, now  and  then  raising  his  headi  to  watch  the  flight 
if  a  sea^rol],  or  carry  his  eye  aloqg  the  glorious  crivison 
path,  which,  commencing  in  the  middle  of  the  ocean, 
seemed  to  lead  to  its  very  verge  where  the  sun  was  set- 
tbg,  when  the  profound  stillness  of  the  spot  was  broken. 


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148  POSTHUMOUS  PAPfiKS  OF 

by  a  loud  crj  fbr  help ;  he  Hstened,  doubtftil  of  hia  htt?«- 
ing  heard  aright,  when  the  cry  was  repeated  with  eyea 
greater  vehemence  than  beft>re,  and,  starting  to  his  feet, 
he  hastened  in  the  direction  whence  it  proceeded. 

^  The  tale  told  itself  at  once :  some  scattered  garments 
li^  on  the  beach ;  a  human  head  was  just  visible  above 
the  waves  at  a  little  distance  from  the  shore ;  and  an  old 
man,  wringing  bib  hands  in  agony,  was  running  to  amd 
fro,  shrieking  for  assistance.  The  invalid,  whose  strength 
was  now  sufficiently  restored,  threw  off  his  coat,  and 
rushed  towards  the  sea,  with  die  intention  d  plunging 
i]!i,  and  dragging  the  drowning  man  ashoiB. 

^ '  Hasten  here,  sir,  in  Gk^  name ;  help,  help,  ^r,  for 
the  love  of  Heaven.  He  is  my  son,  snr,  my  only  son  I' 
said  the  old  man,  frantically,  as  he  advanced  to  meet  him« 
'My  only  son,  sir,  and  he  is  dying  before  his  &ther^s 
eyes!* 

^  At  the  first  word  the  dd  man  uttered,  the  stranger 
checked  himself  in  his  career,  and,  folding  his  arms,  stood 
perfectly  motionless. 

''<  Great  OodP  exclaimed  the  old  man,  recoilmg*^ 
•Heyling!' 

^  The  stranger  smiled,  and  was  silent 

««Heylmg!*  said  the  old  man,  wildly  — «My  boy, 
Heyling,  my  dear  boy,  look,  look  1  *  gasping  for  breath, 
the  miserable  fkther  pointed  to  the  spot  where  tlM  young 
man  was  struggling  for  life. 

^ ^ Hark !'  said  the  old  man -^*E(e  cries  once  more* 
He  is  alrve  yet.    Heyling,  save  him,  save  him  1 ' 

^  The  stranger  smiled  again,  and  remidned  immovable 
as  a  statue. 

^<  I  have  wronged  you,*  shrieked  the  old  man,  ftdfing 
on  his  knees,  and  clasping  his  hands  together.    *  Be  re> 


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9  THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  10 

Fei^ed ;  take  my  all,  my  life ;  cast  me  into  the  water  at 
year  feet,  and,  if  human  nature  can  represe  a  straggle,  I 
will  die,  without  sdrrii^  hand  or  foot.  Do  it,  Heyling^ 
do  it,  but  save  my  boy,  he  is  so  young,  Heyling,  so  young 
to  die!' 

^^  Listen,'  said  the  stranger,  grasping  the  old  man 
fiercely  by  the  wrist — '  I  will  have  life  for  life,  and  here 
is  ONB.  Ify  child  died,  before  his  father's  eyes,  a  &r 
more  agonizing  and  painfiil  death  than  that  young  slan- 
derer of  his  sister^s  worth  b  meeting  while  I  speak.  You 
laughed  —  laughed  in  your  daughter's  face,  where  death 
had  already  set  hb  hand  —  at  our  sufferings,  then.  What 
think  you  of  them  now  ?    See  there,  see  there  I ' 

^  As  the  stranger  spoke,  he  pointed  to  the  sea.  A  fiumt 
cry  died  away  upon  its  surface :  the  last  powerful  strug* 
gle  of  the  dying  man  agitated  the  rippMng  waves  for  a 
few  seconds:  and  the  spot  where  he  had  gone  down  into 
his  early  grave,  was  undistangnishaUe  £ram  the  soxround^ 
ing  water. 

*      .        *  »  •  • 

<<  Three  jemm  had  ebpsecly  when  a  gentleman  alighted 
from  a  private  carriage  at  the  door  of  a  London  attorney, 
then  well  known  as  a  man  of  no  great  nice^  m  his  pro* 
fessional  dealings :  and  requested  a  private  interview  on 
business  of  importanoe*  Although  evidently  not  past  the 
prime  of  Ufe,  his  ft^ee  was  pale,  haggard,  and  d^ected  { 
and  it  did  not  require  the  acute  perception  of  the  man 
of  business,  to  discern  at  a  glance,  that  disease  or  suffer- 
ing had  done  more  to  work  a  change  in  his  appearance, 
than  the  mere  hand  of  time  could  have  accomplished  in 
twice  the  period  of  his  whole  life. 

^ '  I  wish  you  tp  undertake  some  legal  business  for  me^ 
laid  the  stranger. 


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f4l  PO^THUMOIJS  PAPERS  OF 

^"the  attomej  bowed  obsequionaly,  and  glanced  at  a 
iurge  packet  which  the  gentleman  carried  in  his  band. 
His  visitor  observed  the  look^  and  proceeded. 

^  *  It  is  no  common  business,'  said  he ;  <  nor  have  these 
papers  reached  my  hands  without  long  trouble  and  great 
expense/ 

^  The  attorney  cast  a  still  more  anxious  look  at  the 
packet :  and  his  visitor,  untying  the  string  that  bound  it^ 
£sclosed  a  quantity  of  promissory  notes,  with  copies  of 
deeds,  and  other  documents. 

^  *  Upon  thesd  papers,'  said  die  client,  *  the  man  whose 
name  they  bear,  has  raised,  as  you  will  see,  large  sums 
of  money,  for  some  years  past  There  was  a  tacit  un-* 
derstanding  between  him  and  the  men  into  whose  hands 
they  originally  went  —  and  trom  whom  I  have  by  de^* 
grees  purchased  the  whole,  fbr  treble  and  qufKlmple  their 
nominal  value  —  that  these  loans  should  be  6rom  time  to 
time  renewed  until  a  given  per^  had  elapsed.  8uch 
an  understanding  is  nowhere  expressed.  He  has  sub* 
tained  many  losses  of  late ; '  and  these  obhgaticns  accu- 
mulating upon  him  at  once,  would  cruaAi  him  to  the  earth.' 

*^'The  whole  amount  is  mmy  thousands  of  pounds,* 
Aid  the  attorney,  looking  over  the  papers. 

"*It  is,'  said  the  cMent 

^ '  What  are  We  to  do  ? '  inquired  the  man  of  business* 

"  *  Do ! '  replied  the  client,  with  sudden  vehemence  — 
♦Put  every  engine  of  the  law  in  ibrce,  every  trick  that 
Ingenuity  can  devise  and  rasca^ty  execute ;  fair  means 
and  foul ;  the  open  oppression  of  the  law,  aided  by  all 
the  crafl  of  its  most  ingenious  practitioners.  I  would 
have  him  die  a  harassing  and  lingering  death.  Ruin 
him,  seize  and  sell  his  lands  and  goods,  drive  him  from 
house  and  home,  and  drag  him  ibrth  a  beggar  in  his  old 
age,  to  die  in  a  common  jaiL' 

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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  145 

**  *  But  the  costs,  my  dear  sir,  the  costs  of  nil  this,* 
reasoned  the  attorney,  when  he  had  recovered  from  his 
momentary  surprise.  *  If  the  defendant  be  a  man  of 
straw,  who  is  to  pay  the  costs,  sir  ?  * 

"  *Name  any  sum,*  said  the  sti'anger,  his  hand  trembling 
so  violently  with  excitement,  that  he  could  scarcely  hold 
llie  pen  he  seized  as  he  spoke  —  'Any  sum,  and  it  is 
yours.  Don't  be  afraid  to  name  it,  man.  I  shall  not  think 
it  dear,  if  you  gain  my  object' 

^  The  attorney  named  a  large  smn,  at  hazard,  as  the 
advance  he  should  require  to  secure  himself  against  the 
possibility  of  loss;  but  more  with  the  Tiew  of  ascer- 
taining how  far  his  client  was  reaUy  disposed  to  go,  than 
with  any  idea  that  he  would  comply  with  the  demand. 
Tlie  stranger  wrote  a  check  upon  his  banker,  for  ihe 
whole  amount,  and  left  him. 

"  The  draft  was  duly  honored,  and  the  attorney,  find- 
ing that  his  strange  client  might  be  safely  relied  upon, 
commenced  his  work  in  earnest.  For  more  than  two 
years  afterwards,  Mr.  Heyling  would  sit  whole  days  to- 
gether, in  the  office,  poring  over  the  papers  as  they  accu- 
mulated, and  reading  again  and  again,  his  eyes  gleaming 
with  joy,  the  letters  of  remonstrance,  the  prayers  for  a 
little  delay,  the  representations  of  the  certain  ruin  in 
which  the  opposite  party  must  be  involved,  which  poured 
in,  as  suit  after  suit,  and  process  after  process,  was  com- 
menced. To  all  applications  for  a  brief  indulgence,  there 
was  but  one  reply  —  the  money  must  be  paid.  Land, 
house,  furniture,  each  in  its  turn,  was  taken  under  some 
one  of  the  numerous  executions  which  were  issued  ;  and 
the  old  man  himself  would  have  been  immured  in  prison 
had  he  not  escaped  the  vigilance  of  the  officers,  and  fled. 

^The  implacable  animosity  of  Heyling,  so  ^  from 

VOL.  n  10 

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146  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

being  satiatad  by  the  saooess  of  his  persecution,  increased 
a  hundred-fold  with  the  ruin  he  inflicted.  On  being  inr 
formed  of  the  old  man's  flighty  his  fury  was  unbounded. 
He  gnashed  his  teeth  with  rage,  tore  the  hair  from  his 
head,  and  assailed  with  horrid  imprecations  the  men  who 
had  been  intrusted  with  the  writ.  He  was  only  restored 
to  comparatiye  calmness  by  repeated  assurances  of  the 
certainty  of  discovering  the  fugitive.  Agents  were  sent 
in  quest  of  him  in  all  directions ;  every  stratagem  that 
could  be  invented  was  resorted  to,  for  the  purpose  of  dis- 
covering his  place  of  retreat ;  but  it  was  all  in  vain. 
Half  a  year  had  passed  over,  and  he  was  still  undiscov- 
ered. 

^  At  length,  late  one  night,  Heyling,  of  whom  nothing 
had  been  seen  for  many  weeks  before,  appeared  at  his 
attorney's  private  residence,  and  sent  up  word  that  a  gen- 
tleman wished  to  see  him  instantly.  Before  the  attor- 
ney, who  had  recognized  his  voice  from  above  stairs, 
could  order  the  servant  to  admit  him,  he  had  rushed  up 
the  staircase,  and  entered  the  drawing-room  pale  and 
breathless.  Having  closed  the  door,  to  prevent  being 
overheard,  he  sunk  into  a  chair,  and  said,  in  a  low  voice: 

^ '  Hush !  I  have  found  him  at  last.' 

« *  No ! '  said  the  attorney.  *  Well  done,  my  dear  sir ; 
well  done.* 

'' '  He  lies  concealed  in  a  wretched  lodging  in  Camden 
Town,'  said  Heyling.  *  Perhaps  it  is  as  well,  we  did 
lose  sight  of  him,  for  he  has  been  living  alone  there,  in 
the  most  abject  misery,  all  the  time,  and  he  is  poor— - 
very  poor.' 

"  *  Very  good,'  said  the  attorney.  *  You  will  have  the 
caption  made  to-morrow,  of  course  ? ' 

***  Yes,' replied  Heyling.    *Stay!    No!   The  next  day. 


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THB  PICKWICK  CLUB.  147 

YoD  are  surprised  at  mj  wishing  to  postpone  it,'  he  ad- 
ded,  with  a  ghastly  snule ;  *  but  I  had  fbrgotten.  The 
next  day  is  an  anniversarj  in  his  li^ :  let  it  be  done 
then.* 

**Verf  good,*  said  the  attoniey.  *WII1  yon  write 
down  instmctHMis  for  tlie  oflScer ?* 

^ '  No ;  let  him  meet  me  here,  at  eight  in  the  eFvening,  * 
and  I  will  accompany  him  mysetf.*  . 

^  They  met  on  the  appointed  night,  and,  hiring  a  hack* 
ney-coach,  directed  the  drirer  to  stop  at  that  comer  of 
the  old  Panoras-road  at  whkh  stands  the  parish  work- 
honse.  By  the  time  they  ahghted  diere,  it  was  quite 
dark ;  and,  proceeding  by  the  dead  waU  in  fitmt  of  the 
Yeterinarf  Hospital,  they  entered  a  small  by-street, 
which  is,  or  was  at  tiiat  time,  called  little  College  Street^ 
and  which,  whateyer  it  may  be  now,  was  in  those  days  a 
desolate  place  enoogh,  sorroonded  by  Httle  else  than 
fields  and  ditches. 

<*  HaThig  drawn  the  travelling  ci^  he  had  on,  half 
bvcr  his  face,  and  mnffled  himself  in  his  cloak,  Heylmg 
Stopped  before  the  meanest-looking  house  in  the  streiety 
and  knocked  gently  at  the  door.  It  was  at  once  opened 
by  a  woman,  who  dropped  a  courtesy  of  reoognation,  and 
Heyl&ig  whispering  the  oflloer  to  remain  below,  crept 
gently  up-stairs,  and  opening  the  door  oi  the  front  n>oin» 
entered  at  once. 

^  The  object  of  Ms  search  and  his  unrelenting  aiiino»- 
ity,  now  a  decrepit  M  man,  was  seated  at  a  bare  deal 
table,  on  which  stood  a  misenl>ld  candle.  He  started^ 
on  the  entrance  of  the  stranger,  and  rose  feebly  to  hla 
feet 

*<  <  What  now,  what  now?'  odd  the  old  man.  « What 
fresh  miserr  is  thb  ?    What  do  you  want  here  ?  * 


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148  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

**  ^  A  word  with  yau^  replied  Heyling.  As  he  spoJiie^ 
be  seated  himself  at  the  other  end  of  the  table,  and^ 
throwing  off  his  cloak  and  cap,  disclosed  his  features. 

'^  The  old  man  seemed  instantly  deprived  of  the  power 
of  qpeedi.  He  fell  backward  in  his  chair,  and^  clasping 
his  hands  together,  gazed  on  the  apparition  with  a  min- 
gled look  of  abhorrence  and  fear* 

^ '  This  day  six  years,'  said  Heyling,  *■  I  claimed  the 
life  yon  owed  me  for  my  child's.  Beside  the  lifeless 
form  of  your  daughter,  old  man,  I  swore  to  live  a  life  of 
reyenge.  I  have  never  swerved  from  my  purpose  for  a 
moment's  space ;  but  if  I  had,  one  thought  of  her  unoom« 
plaining  suffering  lodL,  as  she  drooped  away,  or  of  the 
starving  face  of  our  innooent  child,  would  have  nerved 
me  to  my  tasic  My  first  act  of  requital  you  well  re- 
member :  this  is  my  laaU' 

^  The  old  man  shivered^  and  his  hands  dropped  pow« 
erless  by  his  side. 

^  <  I  leave  England  to-morrow,'  said  Heyling,  after  a 
moment's  pause*  'To-night  I  consign  you  to  the  liv- 
ing death  to  which  you  devoted  her  —  a  hopeless  pris- 
on'  

^  He  raised  his  eyes  to  the  old  man's  countenance,  and 
paused.  He  lifted  the  light  to  his  face,  set  it  gently 
cbwn,  and  left  the  apartment. 

^  <  You  had  better  see  to  the  old  man,'  he  said  to  the 
woman,  as  he  opened  the  door,  and  motioned  the  officer 
\o  follow  him  into  the  street— <  I  think  he  is  ilL'  The 
woman  dosed  the  door,  ran  hastily  up-stair%  and  found 

him  lifeless* 

♦        ,      ♦  ♦  ♦  ♦ 

''Beneath  a  plain  gravestone,  in  one  of  the  most 
peaceftil  and  sedvkded  chureh-ymtds  in  Kent,  where  wlld« 


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THE  PIOKWIOK  CLUB.  149 

flowers  mingle  with  the  grass,  and  the  soft  landscape 
around,  forms  the  fairest  spot  in  the  garden  of  England, 
lio  the  bones  of  the  joung  mother  and  her  gentle  child. 
But  the  ashes  of  the  father  do  not  mingle  with  theirs ; 
nor  from  that  night  forward,  did  the  attorney  ever  gain 
the  remotest  due  to  the  sabsequent  history  of  his  queer 
di«nt"  _J 

As  the  old  man  oondnded  his  tale,  he  advanced  to  a  peg 
in  one  comer,  and  taking  down  his  hat  and  coat,  put  them 
on  with  great  deliberation ;  and,  without  saying  another 
word,  walked  slowly  away.  As  the  gentleman  with  the 
Ikkeoio  stodfi  had  &llen  asleep,  and  the  migor  part  of  the 
company  were  de^ly  occupied  in  the  humorous  process 
of  dropping  melted  tallow*grease  into  his  brandy  and 
water,  Mr.  Pickwick  departed  unnoticed,  and  having  set- 
tled his  own  score  and  that  oiMr.  Weller,  issued  forth, in 
company  with  that  gentleman,  from  beneath  the  portal  o£ 
the  Magpie  and  Stomp. 


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15a  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OP 


CHAPTER  ^^TT. 

■B.  PIO&WICK  JOUSKET8  TO  IPSWICH,  AKD  mBCTS 
WITH  A  BOMANTIO  ADVBMTITRB  WITH  A  lODDLB- 
AGED  LADT  IN  TELLOW  0UBL-PAPSR8. 

"That  'ere  your  govemor^s  luggage,  Sammy?**  In- 
quired Mr.  Weller  senior,  of  his  affectionate  son,  as  he 
entered  the  yard  of  the  BuU  Inn,  Whitediapel,  with  a 
travelling  bag  and  a  small  portmanteau. 

'^Tou  might  ha'  made  a  worser  gness  than  that,  old 
feller,"  replied  Mr.  WcIler  the  younger,  setting  down  his 
burden  in  the  yard,  and  sitdng  himsdf  down  upon  it  a^ 
terwards.  ^  The  governor  hisself  11  be  down  here  pres- 
ently." 

''He's  a-cabbin'  it,  I  suppose?  "  said  the  father. 

"  Yes,  he's  a-havin'  two  mile  o'  danger  at  eig^t-penoe," 
responded  the  son.   ^  How's  mother-in-law  this  momin*  ?" 

*^  Queer,  Sammy,  queer,"  replied  the  elder  Mr.  Wel- 
ler, with  impressive  gravity.  "  She's  been  gettin'  rayther 
in  the  Methodistical  order  lately,  Sammy ;  and  she  is  un« 
common  pious,  to  be  sure.  She's  too  good  a  creetur  for 
me,  Sammy  —  I  feel  I  don't  deserve  her." 

<<  Ah,"  said  Mr.  Samuel,  ''  thal^s  wery  self-denyin'  o' 
you. 

<*  Wery,"  replied  his  parent,  with  a  sigh,  **  She's  got 
hold  o'  s<^ne  inwention  for  grown-up  people  being  bom 


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THK  PICKWICK  CLUB.  151 

■gaiu,  Sammy — the  new  birth,  I  thinks  thej  calls  it  1 
should  wery  mach  like  to  see  that  system  in  hactiooi 
Sanmiy.  I  should  wery  much  like  to  see  your  mother* 
in-law  bom  ag'in.      Wouldn't  I  put  her  out  to  nurse !  ** 

"  What  do  you  think  them  wom^i  does  Mother  day,** 
continued  Mr.  Weller,  afler  a  short  pause,  during  whicli 
be  had  significantly  struck  the  side  of  his  nose  with  his 
forefinger  some  half-dozen  times.  **  What  do  you  think 
they  does,  t'other  day,  Sammy  ?  " 

«  Don't  know,"  replied  Sam,  «  what  ?  " 

^  Groes  and  gets  up  a  grand  tea  drinkin'  for  a  feller 
they  calls  their  shepherd,"  said  Mr.  Weller.  ^I  was  a 
standing  starin'  in  at  the  pictur*  shop  down  cf  our  plaeey 
when  I  sees  a  little  bill  about  it :  '  Tickeft  half-a-crown. 
All  applications  to  be  made  to  the  committee.  Secreta- 
ry, Mrs.  Weller.'  And  when  I  goi  home,  there  was  the 
committee  a-sittin'  in  our  back  parlor  —  fourteen  women ; 
I  wish  you  could  ha'  heard  'em,  Sammy.  There  they 
was,  a-passin'  resolutions,  and  wotin'  supplies,  and  all 
sorts  o'  games.  Well,  what  with  your  mother-in-law  a 
worrying  me  to  go,  and  what  with  my  looking  for'ard  to 
seein'  some  queer  starts  if  I  did,  I  put  my  name  down  for 
a  ticket ;  at  six  o'clock  on  the  Friday  evenin'  I  dresses 
myself  out,  wery  smart,  and  off  I  goes  vith  the  old  'oo» 
man,  and  up  we  walks  into  a  fost  floor  where  there  was 
tea  things  for  thirty,  and  a  whole  lot  o'  women  as  begins 
whispering  to  one  another,  and  lookin'  at  me,  as  if  they'd 
ncTer  seen  a  rayther  stout  gen'l'm'n  of  eight-and-fifly 
afore.  By  and  by,  there  comes  a  great  bustle  down- 
stairs, and  a  lanky  chap  with  a  red  nose  and  white  neck- 
cloth rushes  up,  and  sings  out,  '  Here's  the  shepherd  a 
doming  to  wisit  his  faithful  flock ; '  and  in  comes  a  fat 
chap  in  black,  vith  a  great  white  fisu^,  a  smilin'  avay  like 


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152  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

clock-work.  Such  goin's  on,  Sammy !  *  The  kiss  of 
peace,'  says  the  shepherd ;  and  then  he  kissed  the  wom- 
en all  round,  and  yen  he'd  done,  the  man  vith  the  red 
nose  began.  I  was  just  a-thinkin'  whether  I  hadn't  better 
begin  too  —  'specially  as  there  was  a  wery  nice  lady  a- 
bittin'  next  me  —  ven  m  comes  the  tea,  and  your  moth.ir- 
in-law,  as  had  been  makin'  the  kettle  bile,  down-stairs. 
At  it  they  went,  tooth  and  naiL  Such  a  precious  loud 
hymn,  Sammy,  while  the  tea  was  a-brewing ;  such  a  grace, 
Buch  eatin'  and  drinkin' !  I  wish  you  would  ha'  seen  the 
shepherd  walking  into  the  ham  and  muffins.  I  never  see 
inch  a  chap  to  eat  and  drink  —  never.  The  red-nosed 
man  wam't  by  no  means  the  sort  of  person  you'd  like  to 
grub  by  contract,  bat  he  was  nothin'  to  the  shepherd. 
Well ;  arter  the  tea  was  over,  they  sung  another  hymn, 
and  then  the  shepherd  began  to  preach :  and  wery  well 
he  did  it,  considerin'  how  heavy  them  muffins  must  have 
lied  on  his  ch^t.  Presently  he  pulls  up,  all  of  a  sudden, 
and  hollers  out,  'Where  is  the  sinner j  where  is  the  mis- 
erable sinner  ? '  upon  which,  all  the  women  looked  at  me, 
and  began  to  groan  as  if  they  was  dying.  I  thought  it 
was  rather  singler,  but  hows'ever,  I  says  nothing.  Pres- 
ently he  pulls  up  again,  and  looking  wery  hard  at  me, 
says,  *  Where  is  the  sinner ;  where  is  the  mis'rable  sin- 
ner ? '  and  all  the  women  groans  again,  ten  times  louder 
than  afore.  I  got  rather  wild  at  this,  so  I  takes  a  step 
or  two  for'ard  and  says,  '  My  friend,'*  says  I,  *  did  you 
ftp[)ly  that  'ere  obserwation  to  me  ? '  —  'Stead  of  begging 
my  pardon  as  any  genTm'n  would  ha'  done,  he  got  more 
abusive  than  ever :  called  me  a  wessel,  Sammy  — a  wes- 
Bel  of  wrath  —  and  all  sorts  o'  names.  So  my  blood  be- 
ing reglarly  up,  I  first  gave  him  two  or  three  for  him- 
self, and  then  two  or  three  more  to  hand  over  to  the 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  168 

man  with  the  red.  nose,  and  walked  off.  I  wish  yon 
conld  ha'  heard  how  the  woman  screamed,  Sammy,  veo 
thej  picked  np  the  shepherd  from  under  the  table.  ■■  ■ 
H^o I  here's  the  governor,  the  gixe  of  Hfe I" 

As  Mr.  Weller  spoke,  Mr.  Pickwick  dismounted  from 
a  cab,  and  entered  the  yard. 

"Fine  momin'  sir,"  said  Mr.  Weller  senior. 

"Beautiful  indeed,**  rq>lied  Mr.  Piokwiok. 

"  Beautiftd  indeed,"  echoed  a  red-haired  man  with  an 
inquisitive  nose  and  blue  spectacles,  who  bad  unpacked 
himself  from  a  cab  at  the  s«ne  moment  as  Mr.  Pick- 
wick.   "  Going  to  Ipswich,  sir  ?  " 

"  I  am,*  replied  Mr.  Pickwick. 

"  Extraordinary  coincidence.     So  am  L** 

Mr.  Pickwidc  bowed. 

"  Going  outside  ?"  said  the  red4iaired  man. 

Mr.  Pickwick  bowed  again. 

"  Bless  my  soul,  how  remarkable  —  I  am  going  out- 
side, too,"  said  the  red-haired  man :  '^  we  are  positively 
going  together."  And  the  red-haired  man,  who  was  an 
important-looking,  sharp-ooeed,  mysterious-spoken  per- 
sonage, with  a  bird-like  habit  of  giving  his  head  a  jerk 
every  time  he  said  anything,  smiled  as  if  he  had  made 
one  of  the  strangest  discoveries  that  ever  fell  to  the  lei 
of  human  wisdom. 

"  I  am  happy  in  the  prospect  of  your  compai^,  oir," 
said  Mr.  Pickwick. 

"  Ah,"  said  the  new  comer,  "  it's  a  good  thing  for  both 
of  us,  isn't  it  ?  Company,  you  see  —  company  is  —  i^ 
— if  s  a  very  different  thing  from  solitude  —  a'n't  it  ?  " 

"There's  no  denyin'  that  'ere,"  said  Mr.  Weller,  join- 
0^  in  the  conversation,  with  an  affable  smile.  "  That's 
what  I  call  a  self-evident,  proposition^  as  thedog%-me«( 


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154  POSTHTTMOUS  I^APERS  OF 

man  Bmd,  when  the  homse-maid  told  him  he  warn'!  a 
gentiemsn." 

"  Ah,"  said  the  red-haired  man,  surveying  Mr.  Weller 
from  head  to  foot  with  a  snperdlioas  look.  '^  Friend  of 
joatSj  eip  ?  " 

"Not  exactly  a  friend,"  replied  Mr.  Pickwick  in  a 
low  tone.    **  The  fact  is,  he  is  my  servant,  but  I  allow  ^ 
him  to  take  a  good  many  liberties;  for,  between  our* 
sdves,  I  flatter  myself  he  is  an  original,  and  I  am  rather 
proud  of  him." 

^'  Ah,"  said  the  red-haired  man,  "  that,  you  see,  is  a 
matter  of  taste.  I  am  not  fond  of  anything  ordinal ;  I 
don't  like  it ;  don't  see  tiie  necessity  lor  it  What's  your 
name,  sir?" 

"  Here  is  my  card,  sir,"  replied  Mr.  PickwiA,  much 
amused  by  the  abruptness  of  the  question,  and  the  sin- 
gular manner  of  the  stranger. 

•  "  Ah,"  said  the  red-haired  man,  placing  the  card  in  his 
pocke(4x>ok,  **  Pickwick ;  very  good.  I  Kke  to  know  a 
man's  naaoe,  it  saves  so  much  trooUe.  That* s  my  card, 
sir.  Magnus,  you  wiU  pero^ve,  sir — Magnus  is  my 
name.    If s  rather  a  good  name,  I  think,  sir?  " 

"A  very  good  name,  indeed,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick, 
whoUy  unable  to  repress  a  smile. 

« Yes,  I  (hmk  it  is,"  resumed  Mr.  Magnus.  "There's 
Q  good  name  before  it,  too,  you  will  observe.  Permit 
me,  sir  —  if  you  hold  the  card  a  little  slanting,  this  way, 
you  catch  the  light  upon  the  up-stroke.  There  —  Peter 
Magnus— -  sounds  well,  I  think,  sir." 

**  Very,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick. 

"  Carious  circumstance  about  those  initials,  sir,"  said 
Mr.  Magnus.  "  You  will  observe  —  P.  M. —  post  merid- 
wi*    In  hasty  notes  to  intimate  acquaintance,  I  some- 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  155 

times  sign  myself  '  Afternoon.'    It  anmsee  my  lUends 
very  moch,  Mr.  Pickwick." 

^  It  is  calculated  to  afibrd  them  the  highest  gratifi- 
cation, I  should  conceive,''  said  Mr.  Pickwick,  rather  en*' 
vying  the  ease  with  which  Mr.  Magnus's  Mends  were 
entertained. 

'<  Now,  genTm'n,"  said  the  hostler,  ^  ooaoh  is  ready,  if 
you  please." 

<<  Is  all  my  luggage  in?  "  inquired  Mr.  Magnns. 

«  All  right,  sir." 

«I8  the  red  bag  in?" 

"All  right,  sir." 

"  And  the  striped  bag?" 

<*  Fore  boot,  sir." 

"  And  the  brown-paper  pared  ?  " 

**  Under  the  seat,  sir." 

«  And  the  leather  hat-box  ?  " 

«  They're  all  in,  sir." 

"  Now,  will  you  get  up  ?  "  said  Mr.  Pickwick. 

""Excuse  me,"  replied  Magnus,  standing  on  the  wheeL 
"  Excuse  me,  Mr.  Pickwick.  I  cannot  consent  to  get 
up,  in  this  state  of  uncertainty.  I  am  quite  satisfied 
fix)m  that  man's  manner,  that  that  leather  hat-box  is 
not  in." 

The  solemn  protestaticms  of  the  hostler  being  wholly 
unavailing,  the  leather  hat-box  was  obliged  to  be  .raked 
up  from  the  lowest  depth  of  the  boot,  to  satisfy  him 
that  it  had  been  safely  packed ;  and  after  he  had  beep 
assured  on  this  head,  he  felt  a  solemn  presentiment, 
first,  that  the  red  bag  was  mislaid,  and  next  that  tlie 
striped  bag  had  been  stolen,  and  then  that  the  brown-pa- 
per parcel  had  "  come  untied."  At  length  when  he  had 
received  ocular  demonstration  of  the  groundless  nature 


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156  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

of  each  and  every  of  these  suspicions,  he  consented  to 
climb  up  to  the  roof  of  the  coach,  observing  that  now  he 
had  taken  eyerytliing  off  his  mind,  he  felt  quite  com- 
'  fortable  and  happy. 

** You're  given  to  nervousness,  aVt  you,  sir?*  in- 
quired Mr.  Weller  senior,  eying  the  stranger  askance,  as 
he  mounted  to  his  place. 

^  Yes ;  I  always  am  rather,  about  tiiese  little  matters," 
said  the  stranger,  ^but  I  am  all  right  now  —  quite 
right" 

«  Well,  thaf  s  a  blessin',"  said  Mr.  Weller.  "  Sammy, 
help  your  master  up  to  the  box ;  t'other  leg,  sir,  that's  it ; 
give  us  your  hand,  sir.  Up  with  you.  You  was  a  light- 
er weight  when  you  was  a  boy,  sir." 

"True  enough,  that,  Mr.  Weller,"  said  the  breathless 
Mr.  Pickwick,  good-humoredly,  as  he  took  his  seat  on 
the  box  beside  him. 

"  Jump  up  in  front,  Sammy,"  said  Mr.  Weller.  *Now 
ViUam,  run  'em  out  Take  care  o'  the  archvay,  gen'L'm'n. 
*  Heads,'  as  the  pieman  says.  That'll  do,  Villam.  Let 
*em  alone."  And  away  went  the  coach  up  Wbitechapel, 
to  the  admiration  of  the  whole  population  of  that  pretty 
densely-populated  quarter. 

^  Not  a  wery  nice  neighborhood  this,  sir,"  said  Sam, 
with  the  touch  of  the  hat  which  always  preceded  his  en- 
tering into  conversation  with  his  master. 

**  It  is  not  indeed,  Sam,"  replied  Mr.  Pickwick,  sur- 
veying the  crowded  and  filthy  street  through  which  they 
wore  passhig. 

**  If  8  a  wery  remarkable  circumstance,  sir,"  said  Sam, 
**  that  poverty  and  oysters  always  seems  to  go  together." 

^  I  don't  understand  you,  Sam,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick. 

'*  What  I  mean,  sir,"  said  Sam,  ^  is,  that  the  poorer  a 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  137 

place  is,  the  greater  call  there  seems  to  be  for  oysters. 
Look  here,  sir ;  here's  a  oyster  stall  to  every  half-dozen 
houses  —  the  street's  lined  vith  'em.  Blessed  if  I  don't 
think  that  ven  a  man's  very  poor,  he  rushes  out  of  Ids 
lodgings,  and  eats  oysters  in  regHar  desperation." 

**  To  be  sure  he  does,"  said  Mr.  WcJler  senior,  "  and 
if 8  just  £he  same  vith  pickled  salmon ! " 

"  Those  are  two  very  remarkable  facts,  which  never 
occurred  to  me  before,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick.  **  The  very 
Irst  place  we  stop  at,  111  make  a  note  of  them." 

By  this  time  they  had  reached  the  turnpike  at  Mile 
End ;  a  profound  silence  prevailed,  until  they  had  got 
two  or  three  miles  ferther  on,  when  Mr.  Weller  senior, 
tuniing  suddenly  to  Mr.  Pickwick,  said  — 

**  Wery  queer  life  is  a  pike-keeper^s,  sir." 

«  A  what?"  said  Mr.  Pickwick. 

"  A  pike-keeper." 

"What  do  you  mean  by  a  pike-keeper?"  inquired 
Mr.  Peter  Magnus. 

"  The  old  'un  means  a  turnpike  keeper,  genTm'n,"  ob- 
served Mr.  Weller,  in  explanation. 

"  Oh,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick,  "  I  see.  Yes ;  very  carious 
life.    Very  uncomfortable." 

"  They're  all  on  'em  men  as  has  met  vith  some  disap« 
pomtment  in  life,"  said  Mr.  Weller  senior. 

**  Ay,  ay?"  said  Mr.  Pickwick. 

**Yes.  Consequence  of  vich,  they  retires  from  tho 
world,  and  shuts  themselves  up  in  pikes ;  partly  with  the 
view  of  being  solitaiy,  and  partly  to  rewenge  them- 
selves  on  mankind,  by  takin'  tolls." 

"  Dear  me,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick,  "  I  never  knew  that 
before." 

"  P«ct,  sir,"  said  Mr.  Weller,  « if  they  was  gcnTm'b 


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158  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

jrou'd  call  'em  misanthiopesy  but  as  it  U  thej  onlj 
takes  to  pike-keepia'." 

Wkh  such  conversatioii,  possessing  the  inestimable 
chann  of  blending  amusement  with  instruction,  did  Mr. 
Weller  beguile  the  tediousness  of  the  joumej,  during 
the  greater  part  of  the  day.  Topics  of  oonversatic  n 
were  never  wanting,  for  even  when  anj  pause  oc- 
curred in  Mr.  Weller's  loquacity,  it  was  abundantly  sup- 
plied by  the  desire  evinced  by  Mr.  Magnus  to  make 
himself  acquainted  with  the  whole  of  the  personal  his- 
tory of  his  fellow-travellers,  and  his  loudly-expressed 
anxiety  at  every  stage,  respecting  the  safety  and  well- 
being  of  the  two  bags,  the  leather  hat-box,  and  the 
brown-paper  parceL 

In  the  main  street  of  Ipswich,  on  the  left-hand  side  of 
the  way,  a  short  distance  afber  you  have  passed  through 
the  open  space  fronting  the  Town  Hall,  stands  an  inn 
known  far  and  wide  by  the  appellation  of  "  The  Great 
White  Horse,"  rendered  the  more  conspicuous  by  a  stone 
statue  of  some  rampacious  animal  with  flowing  mane  and 
tail,  distantly  resembling  an  insane  cart-horse,  which  is 
elevated  above  the  principal  door.  The  Great  White 
Horse  is  famous  in  the  neighborhood,  in  the  same  degree 
as  a  prize  ox,  or  county  paper-chronided  turnip,  or  un- 
wieldly  pig  —  for  its  enormous  size.  Never  were  such 
labyrinths  of  uncarpeted  passages,  such  clusters  of  mouldy, 
bndly-lighted  rooms,  such  huge  numbers  of  small  dens 
for  eating  or  sleeping  in,  beneath  any  one  roof,  as  are 
collected  together  between  the  four  walls  of  the  Great 
White  Horse  at  Ipswich. 

It  was  at  the  door  of  this  overgrown  tavern^  that  the 
London  coach  stopped,  at  the  same  hour  every  evening; 
and  it  was  from  this  same  London  coach,  that  Mr.  Pick- 


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'tH>  PICKWICK  CLUB.  159 

Wick,  Sam  Weller,  and  Mr.  Peter  Magntis  dismounted, 
on  the  paitica]ar  evening  to  whieh  this  diapter  of  oar 
history  bears  reference. 

"  Do  yon  stop  here,  sir?*  inquired  Mr.  Peter  Mag- 
nus, when  the  striped  bag,  and  the  red  bag,  and  the 
brown-paper  parcel,  and  the  leather  hat-box,  had  all 
been  deposited  in  the  passage.  ^Do  you  stop  here, 
rir?'' 

« I  do,^  siM  Mr.  Fickwick. 

*  Dear  me,"  swd  Mr.  Magnus,  **  I  never  knew  any- 
thing like  these  extraordinary  coincidences.  Why,  I 
stop  here,  too.    1  hope  we  dine  together  ?  ** 

"  With  pleasure,"  replied  Mr.  Pickwick.  "  I  am  not 
quite  certain  whether  I  have  any  Mends  here  or  not, 
though.  Is  there  any  gentleman  of  the  name  of  Tup- 
man  here,  waiter  ?  " 

A  corpulent  man,  with  a  fortnight's  napkin  under  his 
arm,  and  coeval  stockings  on  his  legs,  slowly  desisted 
(torn  his  occupation  of  staring  down  the  street,  on  this 
question  being  put  to  him  by  Mr.  I^ckwick ;  and,  after 
minutely  inspecting  that  gentleman's  appearance,  fi*om 
the  crown  of  his  hat  to  the  lowest  button  of  his  gaiters, 
replied  emphatically : 

"No." 

^  Nor  any  gentleman  of  the  name  of  Snodgrass ?"  In- 
quired Mr.  Pickwick. 

"No!" 

«Nor  Winkle?" 

•^No." 

"  My  friends  have  not  arrived  to-day,  sir,"  said  Mr. 
Pickwick.  **  We  will  dfaie  alone,  then.  Show  us  a  pri- 
vate room,  waiter." 

On  this  request  being  preferred,  the  corpulent  man 


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160  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

condescended  to  order  the  boots  to  brin^  in  the  gentle 
men's  luggage ;  and  preceding  them  dpwn  a  long  dark 
passage,  ushered  them  into  a  large  badly-furnished  apart- 
ment, with  a  dirty  grate,  in  which  a  small  fire  was  mak- 
mg  a  wretched  attempt  to  be  cheerful,  but  was  fast  sink- 
ing  beneath  the  dispiriting  influence  of  the  place.  After 
the  lapse  of  an  hour,  a  bit  of  fish  and  a  steak  were  served 
up  to  the  travellers,  and  when  the  dinner  was  cleared 
away,  Mr.  Pickwick  and  Mr.  Peter  Magnus  drew  their 
chairi  up  to  the  fire,  and  having  ordered  a  bottle  of  the 
worst  possible  port  wine,  at  the  highest  possible  price, 
for  the  good  of  the  house,  di*ank  brandy  and  water  for 
their  o>vn. 

Mr.  Peter  Magnus  was  naturally  of  a  very  communi- 
cative disposition,  and  the  brandy  and  water  operated 
with  wonderful  effect  in  warming  into  life  the  deepest 
hidden  secrets  of  his  bosom. ,  After  sundry  accounts  of 
himself,  his  family,  his  connections,  his  friends,  his  jokes, 
his  business,  and  his  brothers  (most  talkative  men  have 
a  great  deal  to  say  about  their  brothers),  Mr.  Peter 
Magnus  took  a  blue  view  of  Mr.  Pickwick  through  his 
colored  spectacles  for  several  minutes,  and  then  said, 
with  an  air  of  modesty : 

"  And  what  do  you  think  —  what  do  you  think,  Mr, 
Pickwick  —  I  have  come  down  here  for  ?  " 

"  Upon  my  word,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick,  "  it  is  wholly 
ire  possible  for  me  to  guess ;  on  business,  perhaps." 

«  Partly  right,  Mr,"  replied  Mr.  Peter  Magnus,  "  but 
partly  wrong,  at  the  same  time :  try  again,  Mr.  Pick- 
wick." 

**  EeaJly,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick,  "  I  must  throw  myself 
on  your  mercy,  to  tell  me  or  not,  as  you  may  think  best ; 
for  I  should  never  guess,  if  I  were  to  try  all  night." 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  161 

«  Why,  then,  he  —  he  —  he  I "  said  Mr.  Peter  Mag- 
nus,  with  a  bashful  titter,  **  What  should  you  think,  Mr. 
Pickwick,  if  I  had  come  down  here,  to  make  a  proposal, 
sir,  eh?    He — he  —  he!" 

"  Think  I  that  you  are  very  likely  to  succeed,"  replied 
Mr.  Pickwick,  with  one  of  his  most  beaming  smiles. 

«  Ah  ! "  said  Mr.  Ma^up,  **  but  do  you  really  think  so, 
Mr.  Pickwick  ?    Do  you,  though  ?  " " 

^  Certainly,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick. 

•*  No ;  but  you're  joking,  though." 

**  I  am  not,  indeed." 

^  Why,  then,"  said  Mr.  Magnus,  *^  to  let  you  into  a  lit- 
tle secret,  /  think  so  too.  I  don't  mind  telling  you,  Mr. 
Pickwick,  although  I'm  dreadful  jealous  by  nature  — 
horrid—- that  the  lady  is  in  this  house."  Here  Mr. 
Magnus  took  off  his  spectacles,  on  purpose  to  wink,  and 
then  put  them  on  again. 

**  That's  what  you  were  running  out  of  the  room  for, 
before  dinner,  then,  so  often,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick,  archly. 

^  Hush  -—yes,  you're  right,  that  was  it ;  not  such  a 
fool  as  to  see  her,  though." 

"Nol" 

"  No ;  wouldn't  do,  you  know,  after  having  just  come 
off  a  journey.  Wait  till  to-morrow,  sir;  double  the 
chance  then.  Mr.  Pickwick,  sir,  there  is  a  suit  of  clothes 
tu  that  bag,  and  a  hat  in  that  box,  which  I  expect,  in  the 
4  ffect  they  will  produce,  will  be  invaluable  to  me,  sir." 

"Indeed!"  said  Mr.  Pickwick. 

^  Yes ;  you  must  have  observed  my  anxiety  about 
them  to-day.  I  do  not  believe  that  such  another  suit  of 
dothes,  and  such  a  hat,  could  be  bought  for  money,  Mr. 
Pickwick." 

Mr.  Pickwittk  congi*atulated  the  fortunate  owner  of  the 

VOL.  tL  11 

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L62  POSTHUMOUS  P^PEB^  OF 

irroaistible  giirmento,  on  tiieir  acquisitiov;  and  l^Jr-  Peter 
Magnua  remained  for  a  few  momentai  apparent  ab* 
sorbed  in  contemplation. 

^  She's  a  fine  creature,**  said  Mr.  Mafno^. 

^  Is  she  ?  "  said  Mr*  ^^kkwick* 

^  Very,"  said  Mr.  Magnus,  ^  very.  She  Uvea  about 
twenty  miles  from  here,  Mr.  Piokwiok.  I  heard  she 
would  be  here  to-night  and  all  to-morrow  fbrenooo,  ai|4 
came  down  to  seize  the  opportunitj.  I  thinjk  an  ipn  is 
a  good  sort  of  a  plaoe  to  propose  to  a  single  womaaini 
Mr.  Pickwick.  She  is  more  likely  to  feel  the  loneliness 
of  her  situation  in  U:avellipg,  perhaps,  than  she  v^ov^d  be 
at  home.     What  do  you  think,  Mr.  Pickwick  ?  " 

"  I  think  it  very  probable,**  replied  that  gentlom^^ 

*?  I  beg  your  pardon,  Mr.  Pidiwick,"  said  Mr.„  Peter 
Magnus,  "^  but  I  am  naturally  rather  cunous ;  ^h^t  may 
you  have  come  down  here  for  ?  ** 

^'  On  1^  far  less  pleasant  errand,  sir,**  replied  Mr.  Pick- 
wick, the  color  mounting  to  his  face  at  the.  recoUectian^ 
^  I  have  coine  down  here,  sir,  to  ei^pose  th^.  treadiery 
and  falsehood  of  an  individual,  upon  whose  t^th  ai;i4 
honor  I  placed  implicit  reliance.** 

« Dear  me,**  ^aid  Mr^i  Peter  Magi^ua,  "  tj{;iat's  very 
unpleasant.  It  is  f^  lady,  I  presume  ?-  £h  ?  ah !  Sfy^ 
Mr.  Pickwick,  sly.  WeU,  Mr.  Pickwick,  sir,  I  wouMu't 
probe  your  feelings  for  the  world.  Painful  sul^o<itet 
these,  sir,  very  painfuL  Don't  mind  me,  Mr.  Pickwick, 
if  you  wish  to  give  vent  to  your  feelings.  I  know  what 
it  is  to  be  jilted,  sir;  I  have  endured  that  sprt  of  thing 
three  or  four  times.** 

'^  I  am  much  obliged  U)  you,  for  your  condolence  oq 
what  you  presume  to  be  my  melancholy  case,"  said  Mi^ 
Pickwipk,  win^n^  u|»  his  wj^ch,  and  layii^g  il^  oi^  the 
table,  "  but  ••— 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  16B 

**  Not  nO)"  said  Mr.  Pieter  Mdgnu^  ^  n<rt  ft  wotd more: 
Wb  i  (modM  Mjcct  I  me,  I  d<fe.  What's  Um  dme, 
MnPickwii^?'' 

«  Past  ttrelve." 

«  Dear  nie,  it's  tiiiie  «o  ^  «[»  b^d.  H  ¥r)n  n^rer  d6, 
littiti^  heiiB.    I  ilh^  M  pale  to-moriNyw,  Mr.  Pickwick." 

At  Htm  ImHe  notfon  ol  todi  a  calamity,  Mr.  Peter 
Magnus  rung  Uie  befi  ftr  the  (fthamber^maid ;  ftnd  Che 
striped  bag,  the  red  bag,  the  leathern  bat-bol,  ^d  th^ 
IfR^i^n-papiir  paiyiel,  hkring  been  coilveyi^  to  his  t>ed- 
f^am^  he  retired  ki  eohipemj  with  a  japanned  eandlestitX, 
to  one  iide  of  the  bowse,  while  Mr.  PickWidt,  and  another 
japanned  caifdldstick)  were  ^ndtteted  through  k  multi- 
hide  of  toi'tttdifs  windings,  to  another. 

**  This  is  your  room,  sir,**  said  the  chamber-maid. 

"Tery  weii,**  replied  Mr.  Pickwick,  looking  ix>und 
him.  It  was  a  tolerably  la^e  double-bedded  room,  with 
a  fire ;  upon  th^  whole,  a  kiore  eomfortable^ooking  apart- 
ment thnn  Mr.  Piokwidi's  short  experience  of  the  ao- 
commodatiofis  of  the  Great  White  Hor^  had  led  him  to 
expect 

^  Nobody  fllee^s  hi  the  bthel*  bM,  of  course,"  said  Mr. 
Pldtwidt. 

**  Oh  BO,  sir.- 

**  Very  good.  'Tell  nly  d^hrtant  to  bft%  toe  up  sonle 
ftM  waib^  at  hidf*past  ei^  1^  the  mohnn|^,  and  that  I 
«hall  urn  want  hM  any  m(m  io^ii^hi.'' 

^  Yes,  sir."  An*  biddhig  MC.  Pickwick  feood-night, 
fbd  dhamber-mUfd  retihed^  and  left  hitb  alou^; 

Mr.  Pilckwtck  fm  hftriieir  ddWfi  hi  a  chair  beftyre  Hie 
•r^  ahd  ftH  iiitd  a  maik  of  ramUitlg  meditatidns.  Pirtt 
tte  thOOgln  df  his  {Hends,  aiVd  Wondered  whea  they  WOtild 
join  him ;  then  his  mind  reverted  to  Mrs.  Marthii  Ba^- 


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164  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

dell ;  and  from  that  lady  it  wandered,  hj  a  natural  pro* 
cess,  to  the  dingy  oonntrng-hoase  of  Dodson  and  Fogg. 
From  Dodson  and  Fogg's  it  fiew  off  at  a  tangent,  to  die 
Tery  centre  of  the  history  of  the  queer  dient ;  and  dien 
it  came  back  to  the  Great  While  Horse  at  Ipswich,  with 
sufficient  clearness  to  convince  Mr»  Pickwick  thai  he  wai 
fidliog  asleep:  so  he  roused  lumself,  and  began  to  un« 
dreas,  when  he  recollected  he  had  left  his  watdi  on  the 
table  down-etairs. 

Now,  this  watdi  was  a  special  fiivorite  with  Mr.  Pi<de« 
wick,  having  been  carried  about,  beneath  the  shadow  of 
his  waistcoat,  for  a  greater  number  of  years  than  we 
feel  called  upon  to  state,  at  present  The  possibility  of 
going  to  sleep,  unless  it  were  ticking  gestly  beneath  his 
pillow,  or  in  the  watch-pocket  over  his  head,  had  never 
entered  Mr.  Pickwick's  brain.  So  as  it  was  pretty  late 
now,  and  he  was  unwilling  to  ring  hk  beU  at  that  hour 
of  the  night,  he  slipped  on  his  coat,  of  which  he  had 
just  divested  himself,  and  taking  the  japanned  candle- 
stick in  his  hand,  walked  quietly  down-stairs. 

The  more  stairs  Mr.  Pickwick  went  down,  the  more 
stairs  there  seemed  to  be  to  descend,  and  again  and 
again,  when  Mr.  Pickwick  got  into  some  narrow  paasa^ 
and  began  to  congratulate  himself  on  having  gained  the 
ground-^oor,  did  another  flight  of  sturs  appear  before 
his  astonished  eyes*  At  last  he  reached  a  stone  haM, 
which  he  remembered  to  have  seen  when  he  entered  the 
house;  Passage  after  passage  did  he  explore;  room 
after  room  did  he  peep  into ;  at  length,  just  as  he  was 
on  the  point  of  giving  up  the  search  in  despair,  he 
opened  die  door  of  the  id^tical  room  in  which  he  had 
spent  the  evening,  and  beheld  his  missing  property  on 
the  table. 


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THB  PICKWICK  club:  !&$. 

Mr.  Pickwiek  seized  the  wateh  in  triumph,  and  pix> 
Deeded  to  retrace  his  steps  to  his  beddiamber.  If  his 
progress  downwards  had  been  attended  with  diffieulttes 
and  nnoertaintj,  his  jonmey  back,  was  infinitely  more 
perplexing.  Bows  of  doors,  garnished  with  boots  of 
eveiy  shape^  make,  and  nse,  branched  off  in  ererj  pos- 
sible direction.  A  dozen  times  did  he  softly  turn  the 
handle  of  some  bedroom  door,  which  resembled  his  own, 
when  a  gruff  cry  from  within  of  "Who  the  devil's  that?*' 
or  "What  do  you  want  here?''  caused  him  to  steal 
away,  on  tiptoe,  with  a  perfectly  marrellous  celerity. 
He  was  reduced  to  the  verge  of  despair,  when  an  open 
doOT  attracted  his  attention.  He  peeped  in  —  right  at 
last  There  were  the  two  beds,  whose  situation  he  per- 
fectly remembered,  and  the  fire  still  burning.  His  can- 
dle, not  a  long  one  when  he  first  received  it,  had  flick- 
ered away  in  the  drafls  of  air  through  which  he  had 
passed,  and  sunk  into  the  socket,  just  as  he  closed  the 
door  after  him.  "  No  matter,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick, 
"  I  can  undress  myself  just  as  well,  by  the  li^  of 
the  fire." 

The  bedsteads  stood,  one  on  each  side  of  the  door ; 
and  on  the  inner  side  of  each,  was  a  little  path,  termi- 
nating in  a  rush-bottomed  chair,  just  wide  enough  to  admit 
of  a  person's  geting  into,  or  out  of  bed,  on  that  side,  if 
he  or  she  thought  proper.  Having  eareftilly  drawn  the 
curtains  of  his  bed  on  the  outside,  Mr.  Pickwick  sat 
down  on  the  rush-bottomed  chair,  and  leisurely  divested 
himself  of  his  shoes  and  gaiters.  He  then  took  off  and 
fblded  up,  his  coat,  waistcoat,  and  neck-cloth,  and  slowfy 
drawing  on  his  tasselled  nightcap,  secured  it  firmly  on 
bis  head,  by  tying  beneath  his  d|in,  the  strings  which  be 
always  had  attached  to  that  amde  of  dress.    It  was  at 


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.  166  POSTHUMOUS  PAPEKS  OF 

Hub  moment  tb«t  the  absorctity  of  bis  recent  bewUder- 
meit  struck  upotL  his  mind ;  and  throwing  himself  haek 
in  the  ni8h4M>ttomed  chairs  Mr*  Pickwick  laughed  to 
kimself  so  heartily,  that  ii  would  hitve  been  quke  de- 
lightful to  any  man  of  w^l-consdtiited  mind  to  have 
inatohed  the  smiles  irhich  exfMmded  his  aniable  fealwras 
ad  they  shone  forth,  fh>m  beneath  ike  tiightoiik. 

'^  It  is  the  best  idea,"  said  Mr.  Piekwiek  to  himaelf, 
smiling  till  he  almost  cradled  the  night6a{>  strings-^ 
'^  It  is  the  best  ide%  my  losing  myself  in  this  pk^,  and 
wandering  about  those  staircases,  that  I  eTer  heard  of. 
DroIU  droU,  very  drolL"  Here  Mn  Pickwick  smiled 
again,  a  broader  smile  than  before,  and  was  about  to 
continue  the  process  of  nndressmgi  in  the  best  possible 
humor,  when  he  was  suddenly  stopped  by  a  moat  unex- 
pected int^TUption  I  to  wit»  the  entrance  into  the  room 
of  some  person  with  a  csoidle,  who,  iifler  locking  the 
door,  advanced  to  the  dressiai^^tablei  and  set  down  the 
light  upon  it* 

The  smile  that  played  on  Mr.  Pickwii^'s  features,  tras 
instantaneously  lost  in  a  look  of  the  most  unbounded  and 
wonder^atrickea  surprise.  The  J^raon,  whoever  it  tvas, 
had  come  in  so  suddenly  and  with  so  little  noise)  that 
Mr.  Pickwick  had  had  no  tiasie  to  eall  ont,  of  oppose 
(heir  entrance.  Who  could  it  be  ?  A  robbw  ?  Some 
eril-minded  persoa  who  had  seen  him  come  np-staira  with 
a  handsome  waldi  in  his  hand,  perhaps.  What  waa  he 
todol 

The  only  waty  in  which  Mr.  Pickwi^  coold  catch  a 
glimpse  of  his  mysterious  visitor  with  the  least  danger 
of  being  seen  himself^  was  by  creeping  on  to  the  bed,  and 
peeping  out  from  betw^n  the  curtains  on  the  opposite 
fide    To  this  m^uujsuvA  be  aeeordibgly  resorted.    Keep- 


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THEl  HCKWDCR  Cblia  167 

ia^  a^  euvtains  tmdUDj  doted  wiOi  tik  hand;  so  ihal 
nothing  move  «f  bam  oould  lie  seen  thiui  hk  fiue  anJ 
night  cap,  and  putting  on  hit  apeotadet,  he  mastered  up 
OQurage^  and  looked  ouL 

Mn  Pickwick  almost  ftdnted  with  hcnrtov  and  dismaj. 
Skaodiog  helbre  the  dretnng-^ats^  wias  a  middle-aged 
lady  in  jeiEow  curlxpapera,  busilj  engaged  in  brusyng 
mh$tt  \9fiiss  Ofttt  their  ^  back  htir/*  However  tiie  nni^ 
amMCVMm  mtdle^aged  ladjjr  etone  inta  that  nx>m»  it  wMt 
quite  clear  that  she  contemplated  remaining  ther»  for  tho 
night ;  for  she  had  brought  a  rushlight  and  shade  with 
hev^  whicb^  with  ptalseisreriky  preoanlion  against  fire,  she 
had  stationed  m  a  basift  on  the  floor,  whene  it  was  glim- 
meriag  aivay,  like  a  gigantic  lighthouse^  in  •  partaeulai]]? 
small  piece  of  waten. 

^  Bless  mj  soul,"  thoagbt  Mr.  Pkkwick,  <«what  m 
dreadful  thing!" 

<<  Hem  I "  said  the  kdj ;  and  in  went  Mn  Pickwiek't 
hsad  wkk  auliDOiaton-like  capidity. 

^  I  never  met  widi  anything  so  awM  as  tins,"  thoaglit 
poor  M«>.  Pickwick^  the  eold  perspiration  starting  in  d]x>p8 
npon.  his  nightoap^    ^Neven    This  is  i«arfhL'* 

It  was  <{alte  iwpossS)!^  to  resist  the  urgent  desire  to 
see  what  was  going  fivwant  So,  out  went  Mri  Pick* 
wick's  head  again.  The  prospect  was  worse  tlian  before* 
The  m|ddl0-aged  lac^  had  finished  arranging  her  hair : 
had  carefully  enveloped  it,  in  a  muslin  nightcap,  wi^  a 
small  pluited  border ;  and  was  gazing  pensivelj  on  the 
fire. 

^This  maitter  is  growing  alarming,"  reasoned  Mr. 
Pickwick  with  himseHl  '^  I  can't  allow  diings  to  go  on 
uk  this  way.  By  the  self^-possession  of  that  kdy,  it  is 
dkai!  to  me  that  I  must  have  oome  into  the  wrong  room* 


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168  PC^THUMOnS  PAPERS  OF 

If  I  oall  out,  shell  alarm  the  hooae;  but  if  I  remain 
here,  the  conseqQenoes  will  be  still  more  fnghtfoL" 

Mr.  Pickwick,  it  is  quite  unneoessaiy  to  saj,  was  one 
of  the  most  modest  and  delicate-minded  of  mortals.  The 
very  idea  of  exhibiting  bie  nightcap  to  a  lady,  oTcrpow- 
ered  him.  but  he  had  tied  those  confounded  strings  in  a 
knot,  and,  do  what  he  would,  he  couldn't  get  it  off.  The 
disclosure  must  be  made.  There  was  only  one  other 
waj  of  dcHug  it  He  shnmk  behind  the  oortainBy  and 
called  out  very  kmdly — 

«  Ha  — hum!" 

That  the  lady  started  at  this  unexpected  sound  was 
evident,  by  her  falling  up  against  die  msl^-light  shade ; 
thai  she  persuaded  herself  it  must  have  been  the  effect 
of  imagination  was  equally  clear,  for  when  Ifr.  Pick- 
wick, under  the  impression  that  she  had  fiunted  away, 
stone-dead  from  fright,  ventured  to  peep  out  again,  she 
was  gaeing  pensively  on  the  fire  as  before. 

^  Most  extraordinary  female  this,**  thought  Mr.  Pick- 
wick, popping  in  again.    ^  Ha  —  hum  1 " 

Hiese  last  sounds;  so  like  those  in  which,  as  legends  in- 
form us,  the  ferocious  giant  Blunderbore  was  in  the  habit 
of  expressing  his  opinion  that  it  was  time  to  lay  the  doth, 
were  too  distinctly  audible,  to  be  again  mistaken  for  the 
workings  of  &ncy. 

^  Gracious  Heaven  I "  said  the  middle-aged  lady, 
«whafs  that?** 

^It's  —  it*s  —  only  a  gentleman,  Ma'am,"  said  Mr. 
Pickwick  from  behind  the  curtains. 

^  A  gentleman  1 "  said  the  lady,  with  a  terrific  scream. 

**  It's  all  over,"  thought  Mr.  Pickwick. 

^  A  strange  man  ! "  shrieked  the  lady.  Another  in- 
stant, and  the  house  would  be  alarmed.  Her  garmenti 
rustled  OS  she  rushed  towards  the  door. 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  169 

^  Ma'am,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick,  thrusting  out  his  head, 
in  the  extremity  of  his  desperation,  ^  Ma'am." 

Now  although  Mr.  Pickwick  was  not  actuated  hj  anj 
definite  object  in  putting  out  his  head,  it  was  instantane 
ously  productive  of  a  good  effect  The  lady,  as  we  have 
already  stated,  was  near  the  door.  She  must  pass  it,  to 
itiach  the  staircase,  and  she  would  most  undoubtedly  ha?e 
done  so,  by  this  time,  had  not  the  sudden  apparition  of 
Mr.  Pickwick's  nightcap  driven  her  back,  into  the  r^ 
motest  comer  of  the  apartment,  where  she  stood,  staring 
wildly  at  Mr.  Pickwick,  while  Mr.  Pickwick  in  his  tani| 
stared  wildly  at  her. 

^  Wretch,"  said  the  lady,  covering  her  eyes  with  her 
hands,  "  what  do  you  want  here  ?  " 

"  Nothing,  Ma'am — nodung  whatever,  Ma'am ;"  sud 
Mr.  Pickwick,  earnestly. 

^  Nothing  I "  said  the  lady,  looking  np. 

^Nothing,  Ma'am,  upon  my  honor,"  said  Mr.  Pick- 
wick, nodding  his  head  so  energetically,  that  the  tassel 
q£  his  nightd^  danced  again.  "  I  am  almost  ready  to 
sink.  Ma'am,  beneath  the  confusion  of  addressing  a  lady 
in  my  nightcap  (here  the  lady  hastUy  snatched  off  hers), 
but  I  can't  get  it  off,  Ma'am  (here  Mr.  Pickwick  gave  it 
a  tremendous  tug,  in  proof  of  the  statement).  It  is  evi- 
dent to  me,  Ma'am,  now,  that  I  have  mistaken  this  be^ 
room  for  my  own.  I  had  not  been  here  five  minntes, 
Ma'am,  when  you  suddenly  entered  it" 

^  If  this  improbable  story  be  really  true,  sir,"  said  the 
lady,  sobbing  violently,  ^  you  will  leave  it  instantly." 

''I  will  Ma'am  with  the  greatest  pleasure,"  replied  Mr. 
Pickwick. 

^  Instantly,  sir,"  said  the  lady. 

**  Certainly,  Ma'am,"  interposed  Mr.  Pickwick  voiy 


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170  POfitfiUMOUd  PAIPKIOS  OF 

quicklj.  ^  Ccrtittnly,  Ma'am.  1  —  I  — %an  very  fiorry 
Ma'am/'  said  Mr.  Pickwick,  makiiig  his  appearanee  at 
the  bottom  of  the  bed,  ^  to  hare  heen  the  kmooent  occa* 
slon  of  this  lUarm  and  emotion ;  deeply  flony,  Ma'am." 

The  lady  pomted  to  the  door.  One  excellent  quality 
•f  Mr.  Pickwick's  character  was  beautifally  displayed  at 
this  moment,  ander  the  most  tiying  circomstances.  Al^ 
though  he  had  hastily  put  <m  Us  hat  over  his  ntght-cap, 
alter  the  manner  of  the  old  patrol ;  although  he  carried 
his  «lioes  and  gaiters  in  his  hatid,  and  his  coat  and  waist^ 
eoat  over  his  arss,  nothing  oottld  subdue  his  native  po 
liteness. 

^  I  am  exceeding  sorry,  Ma'toi)^  said  Mr.  Pickwick, 
bowing  very  low. 

« If  you  are,  sir,  ywi  will  atOQice  feav«  the  room,"  said 
the  lady, 

^  Immediately^  Ma'am  ;  this  instant,  Ma'am,"  said  Mr. 
Pickwick,  opening  the  door,  and  dropping  both  his  shoes 
with  a  k>ud  crash  in  so  doing. 

^  I  trust.  Ma'am,"  resumed  Mr.  Pickwick,  gathering 
up  his  shoes,  and  turning  round  to  bow  agaiAk  ^  I  trust, 
Mm'tan,  that  my  unblemished  charaot^,  and  the  devoted 
«*espect  t  entertain  for  your  s^x,  will  plead  as  some  slight 
excuse  for  this  "-^  But  belbre  Mr.  Pidtwick  could  con- 
^de  the  sentence,  the  lady  had  thrust  him  into  the  pas- 
Mige,  and  locked  and  bolted  the  door  behind  him. 

Whatever  grounds  of  self-congratulation  Mr.  Pickwick 
mighl  have,  €cft  having  escaped  so  qttietly  from  his  late 
awkward  situation,  his  present  position  was  by  no  means 
enviable.  He  was  alone,  m  an  open  passage,  in  a  strange 
house,  in  the  middle  of  the  night,  half  dressed ;  it  was 
not  to  be  supposed  that  he  could  find  his  Way  in  perfect 
Attf^n^sB  to  a  rocMd  whidi  he  had  beeA  wholly  unable  to 


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THE  PIOItWIOK  OLUB.  171 

didoover  with  a  light,  and  if  be  laade  ite  slightest  wxm 
in  hia  firoitless  attempta  to  do  so,  he  atood  evory  chan^a 
of  being  shot  at,  and  perhaps  killed,  bj  some  wakeful 
traveller.  He  had  no  resource  but  tp  remain  where  ho 
was,  until  daylight  appeared-  So  after  groping  his  way 
a  few  paces  down  the  pasaag^,  and  to  hi«  infinite  ^lann, 
stumbUug  Qver  several  pairs  of  boots  in  so  doings  Mi* 
Pickwick  crouched  into  a  little  recess  in  the  wall,  to  wait 
for  momiq^  as  philoaophieaUy  as  he  mightt 

He  was  wot  destined,  however,  to  undergo  this  addition- 
al trial  of  patience  i  for  he  had  not  been  long  ensconced 
in  his  present  conceidment  when,  to  his  unspeakable  hor- 
ror, a  man,  bearing  a  light,  app^u^  at  the  end  of  the 
passage.  His  horror  was  suddenly  converted  into  joy, 
however,  when  he  recognized  the  form  of  his  faithful  at- 
tendant It  was  indeed  Mr.  Samuel  Weller,  who  after 
sitting  up  thus  late,  in  conversation  with  the  Boots,  who 
was  sitting  up  for  the  mail,  was  now  about  to  retire  to 
rest 

^  Sam,"  sfud  Mr.  Pickwick,  suddenly  appearing  before 
him,  "  Where's  my  bedroom  ?  '* 

Mr.  Weller  stared  at  his  master  with  the  most  em- 
phatic surprise ;  and  it  was  not  until  the  question  had 
been  repeated  three  several  times,  that  he  turned  round, 
and  led  the  way  to  the  long-sought  apartment 

^  Sam,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick,  as  he  got  into  bed.  ^  I 
have  made  one  of  the  most  extraordinary  mistakes  to* 
night  that  ever  were  heard  of." 

"  Wery  likely,  sir,"  replied  Mr.  Weller,  dryly. 

^  But  of  this  I  am  determined,  Sam,"  said  Mr.  Pick- 
wick; ^  that  if  I  were  to  stop  in  this  house  for  six  months, 
[  would  never  trust  myself  about  it,  alone,  again." 

**  That's  the  wery  prudentest  resolution  as  you  could 


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172  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

come  to,  sir,"  replied  Mr.  Weller.  ^  You  raytlier  wanl 
somebody  to  look  arter  jou  sir,  wen  your  judgment  goes 
out  a  wisitin'." 

«  What  do  you  mean  by  that  Sam  ?"  said  Mr.  Pick- 
wick.  He  raised  himself  in  bed,  and  extended  his  hand, 
as  if  he  were  about  to  say  something  more  ;  but  suddenly 
checking  himself,  turned  round,  and  bade  his  yalet  ^  Good- 
night* 

"  Good-night,  mr,"  replied  Mr.  Weller.  He  paXised 
when  he  got  outside  the  door — shook  his  head — walked 
on — stopped — snuffed  the  candle — shook  his  head  again 
—  and  finally  proceeded  slowly  to  his  chamber,  appar- 
ently buried  in  the  profbundest  meditation. 


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THB  nCKWICK  CLUB.  1741 


CHAPTER  XXm, 

IM  WHIOH  MB.  SAinrEL  WBLLBS  BEGINS  TO  DWOTB 
ma  BNBBChlBS  TO  THB  BBTUBN  MATCH  BBTWBBH 
HIM8KLV  AND  MB#  TBOTTKB. 

In  a  small  room  in  the  Tioiaity  of  the  etahle-yardy  be- 
times in  the  mornings  which  was  ushered  in  by  Mr.  Pick* 
wick's  adventure  with  the  middle-aged  ladj  m  the  yellow 
curl-papers,  sat  Mr«  Weller  8eni(»v  preparing  himself  ibr 
his  journey  to  London.  He  was  Sitting  in  an  ezoeUent 
attitude  for  having  his  portrait  taken. 

It  is  very  possible  that  at  some  earlier  period  of  his 
career,  Mr.  Weller^s  profile  m^t  have  presented  a  bold, 
and  determined  outline.  His  ftce,  however,  had  ex- 
pecided  under  the  influeaoe  of  good  livings  and  a  dis* 
position  remarkable  for  resignation ;  and  its  bold  fleshy 
curves  had  so  far  extended  beyond  the  liidts  originally 
assigned  them,  that  unless  you  took  a  fbU  view  of  his 
oountenanoe  in  front,  it  was  d^cnlt  to  distinguish  more 
than  the  extreme  tip  of  a  very  rubicund  nose.  His  chin, 
from  the  same  cause,  had  aequired  the  grave  and  impos- 
ing form  whidi  is  generaUy  described  by  prefixing  the 
word  ^  double  "  to  that  expressive  feature ;  and  his  com- 
I^exion  exhibited  that  peouliaiiy  mottled  combination  of 
colors  which  is  only  to  be  seen  in  gentlemen  of  his  pro- 
fession, and  in  underdone  roast  beef    Bound  his  neck  he 


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174  POSTHUMOUa  rABSBS  OF 

wore  a  crimson  travelling  shawl,  which  merged  into  hia 
chin  by  such  imperceptible  gradations,  that  it  was  difficult 
to  distinguish  the  folds  of  the  one,  from  the  folds  of  the 
other.  Over  this,  he  mounted  a  long  waistcoat  of  a  broad 
pink-striped  pattern,  and  over  that  again,  a  wide-skirted 
green  coat,  ornamented  with  large  brass  buttons,  whereof 
the  two  which  ganui^hed  Ite  Ktift,  ir^^  so  far  apa:  t,  that 
no  man  had  ever  beheld  them  both,  at  the  same  time. 
Hit  Imo,  whick  waa  sharV  ateeki  mA  bladi,  wm  i^\ 
vbible  bfioea^  tha  ^apaiejous  brim  pf  i^  iQw-eiow^Ad 
brown  hat  His  legs  werft  «9«9fl(^  ia  ki)09^«ord  bujoob- 
es,  and  painted  top-boots:  and  a  copper  watch-chain, 
teriaiiiati^g  in  one  seal,  aod  a  key  pf  ttue  seme  wal^ri^lt 
dangted  loosely  from  his  capacious  wmibM^ 

We  have  md  thai  Mr.  Waller  was  eognged  Uk  FtT^ 
paring  &ir  hia  jemraejf  (p  liondpvi  — r  he  ww  taking  BPfrr 
t^oaooe,  in  &cjU  On  the  table  before  bim»  stood  a  polj  of 
ale,  a  cold  round  of  be^f  aid  H  v^ry  resi)«e»|ftb)eTlq9kifig 
\Q$t,  )o  eaeb  of  whioh  be  distiibuted  his  finvo^st  in  (1^91, 
^tb  the  most  1:^  impartialit;.  He  had  jnsl  gut  % 
mighty  slice  from  tbe^  lallec,  irhea  tbe  foot}»t^  pf  sonior 
body  fmlering  the  rQQi%  oauaed  him  to  nuse  bis  h^i 
apd  he  beheld  his  son, 

'< MociMn'  Sftoim^i '^  mA  Hip  &ibpm 

Th«  son  walked  tip  to  the  ppt  of  ^ii^mi  i|p44ing 
BigiBtiAcaaUy  to  his  parenti  tpok;a  Ipng  dmugbt  fa^y  way  9f 
njply, 

''Weiiy  gpod  power  o'  fu^ifin^  Sasamy,"  said  Mr. 
Weller  tjhp  e)dev,  lookteg  into  tbe  pot»  wMe»  l^s  firsts 
iKum  had  set  it  iowm  half  empty.  ^  You'd  ha'  madp  an 
unootttfooii  fine  pysteiv  Saim»y»  if  ypii'4  b()^  b^m^  m^ 
that  station  o'  Ufe*"^ 

^  Ym,  I  des-say  I  should  ha'  maoa^sd  tp  pick  up  a 


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THE  KdKWlCK  CLTTB.  17^ 

respectable  UvW,**  replied  fhjn,  Applying  himselif  to  the 
eold  beef,  with  considerable  vigor. 

•*rm  wery  sorry,  Smmny,"  said  thie  elder  Mr.  Weller, 
dttking  up  ihe  ale,  by  describing  small  circles  with  ihe 
t)Ot,  preparatory  to  drinking.  **  I'm  wery  sorry,  Sammy, 
lo  hear  ftom  yotir  Ups,  as  yon  let  yourself  be  gammoned 
by  that  'ere  mulberry  man.  1  always  thought,  up  to 
three  days  ago,  that  the  names  of  Yeller  and  gammon 
^nld  never  come  iftto  contract,  Sammy  —  never.** 

*•  Alwayd  exceptm*  the  case  <tf  a  Widder,  of  course,* 
•aid  Sam. 

**  Widders,  Sammy,**  i^pHed  Mr.  Weller,  slightly  chang- 
•injg  eoW.  •Widders  are  *ceptions  to  ev*ry  rule.  1 
Timm  heek^  hotr  n^y  oi^'nary  women,  one  widder^ft 
equal  to,  in  fTiAt  o'  cbtefn'  over  you.  I  think  itfb  five- 
wid4trenty,  but  I  dont  righUy  know  vether  ft  a'n't 
tnote.** 

**  Wen ;  i^t^  pretty  wefl,**  said  Sam. 

•^B^des,"  contfeiued  Mr.  Weller,  not  noticing  th* 
intermption,  *  that's  a  wery  ditterent  thing.  You  know 
what  the  counsel  said,  ^Sammy,  as  defended  the  gen'lem'h 
fts  b^t  his  wifb  with  the  poller,  venever  he  gc(t  jolly. 
*Ahd  artier  ttll,  my  Lord,*  says  he,  'iflB  ^  am*able  Weak- 
ness.* So  I  says  respectin*  widders,  Sammy,  and  so  you'O 
My,  ven  you  ^sts  as  old  as  me." 

**  I  ought  to  ha*  kttow'd  better,  I  know,**  said  Sam. 

** Ought  to  ha*  know*d  better!"  repeated  Mr.  Weller, 
Ktrikingthe  taMe  with  his  fist  « Ought  to  ha^  know'd 
better !  why,  I  know  a  young  *un  as  hasn't  had  half  nor 
quarter  your  eddkation  —  as  hasn*t  slept  about  the  mar- 
tets,  nO)  not  ^  months  —  who'd  ha'  scorned  to  be  let  in, 
ii  such  a  vtty  $  soomed  it,  Sannny.**  In  the  excitetdiBnt 
of  ftt]hii  psM&si^  by  this  a^ni^ing  irefiecTicM,  Iftf. 


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,J76  POSTHUMOUS  PJLPEBS  OF 

Weller  rung  the  bell,  and  ordered  an  additional  pint  af 
ale. 

^Well,  if  8  DO  use  talking  about  it  nowi**  said  Sam. 
^  It's  over,  and  can't  be  helped,  and  that's  one  consolatioa, 
as  they  always  sajs  in  Turkey,  yen  they  outs  the  wrong 
man's  head  off.  Ifs  my  innings  now,  gov'nKM*,  and  as 
soon  as  I  catches  hold  o'  this  'ere  Trotter,  111  have  a  good 
on. 

^  I  hope  you  will,  Sammy.  I  hope  yon  will,"  returned 
Mr.  Weller.  **  Here's  your  health,  Sammy,  and  may 
you  speedily  vipe  off  the  disgrace  as  you've  inflicted  on 
the  £unily  name."  In  honor  of  this  toast  Mr.  Wdler 
imbibed  a  draught,  at  least  two  thirds  of  the  newly- 
arrived  pint,  and  handed  it  over  to  his  son,  to  disjpoae  if 
the  remainder,  which  he  instantaneously  did. 

^  And  now,  Sammy,"  said  Mr.  WeHer,  consulting  the 
large  double-cased  silver  watch  that  hung  at  the  end  of 
the  copper  chain.  ^Now  it's  time  I  was  up  at  the  office 
to  get  my  vay-bill,  and  see  the  coach  loaded ;  fwcoaehea, 
Sammy,  is  like  guns  — they  requires  to  be  loaded  with 
wery  great  care,  afore  they  go  oC" 

At  this  parental  and  professional  jdce,  Mr.  Wdkr 
junior  smiled  a  filial  smile.  His  revered  parmi  contin* 
ued  in  a  solemn  tone : 

^  Pm  goin'  to  leave  you,  Samivel,  my  boy,  and  there^s 
no  telling  ven  I  shall  see  you  again.  Tour  mother-in- 
law  may  ha'  been  too  much  for  me,  or  a  thousand  things 
ma}'  have  happened  by  the  time  you  next  hears  aoy 
news  o'  the  celebrated  Mr.  Yeller  o'  the  Bell  Savage. 
The  family  name  depends  wery  much  upon  you,  Samivel, 
and  I  hope  you'll  do  wet's  right  by  it.  Upon  all  little 
pints  o'  breedin',  I  know  I  may  trust  you  as  veil  as  if  it 
was  my  own  self.    So  Fve  only  tlushero  one  littlebit  of 


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THE  PIOLWIGK  CLUB.  177 

•dwtoe  to  ^e  yoo.  If  ever  70a  gets  to  up'ards  o'  fifly, 
SDd  feels  di^Kieed  to  go  a-marrjin'  anybody — no  matter 
who — just  you  shut  yourself  up  in  your  own  room,  if 
youWe  got  one,  and  p'ison  yourself  off-hand*  Hangings  wul- 
gar,  bo  don't  you  have  nothin'  to  say  to  that  P'ison  your- 
self, Samivel,  my  boy,  p'ison  yourself,  and  youll  be  glad 
oil  it  arterwards."  With  these  affecting  words,  Mr.  Wol- 
ler  looked  steadfiEwUy  on  his  scna,  and  turning  slowly  upiui 
his  heel  disappeared  from  his  sight 

In  the  contempladye  mood  which  these  words  had 
awakened,  Mr.  Samuel  Weller  walked  forth  from  the 
Gfeat  White  Horse  when  his  father  had  left  him ;  and 
bending  his  steps  towards  St  Clement's  Church,  endear- 
ored  to  dissipate  his  melancholy  by  strolling  among  ils 
ancient  predncto.  He  had  loitered  about,  for  some  time, 
when  he  found  himself  in  a  retired  spot -» a  kind  of 
court-yard  of  yeaerable  appearance  —  which  he  discov- 
ered had  no  other  outlet  than  the  turning  by  which  he 
had  entered.  He  was  about  retracing  his  steps,  when  he 
was  suddenly  transfixed  to  the  spot  by  a  sudden  appear- 
ance ;  and  the  mode  and  manner  of  this  appearance,  we 
BOW  proceed  to  relate* 

Mr.  Samuel  Wdler  had  been  staring  up  at  the  old 
red  brick  houses  now  aad  then,  in  his  deep  abstraction, 
bestowing  a  wink  upon  some  healthy-looking  servant 
giri  as  she  drew  up  a  blind,  or  threw  open  a  bedroom 
window,  when  the  green  gate  of  a  garden  at  the  bottom 
of  the  yard  opened,  and  a  man  having  emerged  there- 
from, closed  the  green  gate  very  carefully  after  him,  and 
wi^ed  briskly  towards  the  very  spot  where  Mr.  WeUer 
was  standing. 

Now,  taking  this  as  an  isolated  &ct,  unaccompanied  by 
any  attendant  droumstances,  there  was  nothing  very  ex« 
VOL.  n.  19 

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178  POSTHUMOUS  PAPtelffl  6F 

traordinaiy  in  it;  because  In  manj  pta\a  o(f  the  wotW 
tnen  do  come  ont  of  garden^,  do^  gneen  gioteft  iifter  then^ 
and  even  walk  briskly  away,  without  attrtuctii^  anj  par> 
ticular  diare  of  public  obserration.  It  is  cleari  there* 
fore,  that  there  must  have  been  something  in  the  man,  or 
in  his  manner,  or  both,  to  attract  Mr.  Weller's  particukw 
notice.  Whether  there  was,  or  not,  we  must  leave  tlie 
reader  to  determine,  when  we  have  fkithftdly  reeoontod 
the  behavior  of  the  individual  in  questioo. 

When  the  man  had  shut  the  green  gate  after  him,  he 
Walked,  as  we  have  siedd  twice  already,  %ith  a  brisk  pa«e 
up  the  court-yard ;  but  he  no  seioner  oatkght  sight  of  Mh 
Weller,  than  he  fkltered,  and  stopped,  as  tf  unoertain,  M 
the  moment,  what  course  to  adopt  As  the  green  gitis 
was  closed  behind  h!m,  and  there  was  no  Mier  outlet  but 
tlie  one  in  Ihmt,  however,  he  Wa^  not  long  in  percdving 
that  he  must  pass  Mr.  Samuel  Weller  to  g^  away.  H« 
thereibre  resumed  his  brisk  pace,  and  advanced,  staring 
((trai^t  before  him.  The  most  ettHordbiary  thing  abool 
the  man  wad,  that  he  wǤ  cctitforting  his  ikce  into  the 
ihost  fearfhl  hud  astonishing  grimaces  that  ever  wbi« 
beheld.  Nature's  handiwork  never  was  disgoised  witli 
toch  e^ttwM^iti^  artifiefial  carvhig,  is  the  nkan  had 
overliiid  his  countenance  wi^,  itt  one  moment 

«  Weill  **  said  Mr.  WeAl^  to  himself,  as  the  mm  ap- 
)[^Toached.  *  This  16  wery  odd.  I  could  ha*  swore  it  Was 
him." 

Up  came  the  man,  and  his  fhce  became  more  fiight- 
fhlly  distorted  than  ever,  as  he  drew  nearer. 

*<  I  could  take  my  oath  to  that  'ere  black  hair,  and 
mulberry  suit,"  said  Mr.  Weller;  ^only  I  never  see 
such  a  fiwe  as  tlUit,  albre." 

Ad  Mn  Weller  said  this,  the  man's  features 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  179 

ai)  i^eartUy  twinge,  perfi^tly  hideoua.  H^  was  obliged 
U^  jM^  very  oear  Sam  however,  and  t}ie  acrutinizing 
glaiice  of  tl^at  gentleman  enabled  bim  to  detect,  under 
al)  these  appfdling  twists  of  feature,  something  too  like 
the  small  ejes  of   Mr.  Job  Trotter,  tq  b^  e^silj  misr 

**  Hallo,  jou  sir ! "  shouted  Sam,  fiercely. 

The  straqger  ^topped. 

^  Hal}o  I"  reputed  Sf^i^  still  more grufflj. 

The  man  with  the  horrible  face,  looked,  with  tho 
gFeatesI  ^rprise,  up  the  court,  and  down  the  court,  and 
in  at  the  windows  of  the  houses  -^  everywhere  but  at 
Sam  Weller —  and  took  another  step  forward,  when  h^ 
was  brought  to  again,  by  another  shout 

'<  Hallo,  you  sir ! "  said  Sam,  for  the  third  time. 

There  was  bo  pretending  to  mistake  where  th^  voice 
opune  from  noW|  so  the  stranger  having  no  other  rfsotirce, 
at  last  looked  Sam  Weller  full  in  the  face. 

"Jt  won't  do,  Job  Trotter,"  said  Sam.  "CJomel 
Kooe  o'  th^t  'ere  nonsense.  Tou  a'n't  so  w^iy  'an'some 
that  you  can  afford  to  throw  avay  many  o'  your  goo4 
k)Q|(s.  Bring  them  'ere  eyes  o'  youm  back  into  their 
proper  places,  or  TU  knock  'em  out  of  your  head,  (^ye 
hear?" 

As  Mr.  Weller  appeared  fully  disponed  ^  act  up  to 
tVe  spirit  of  this  ^dresa,  Hifr*  Trotter  gradually  allowed 
liis  fae^  t^  resume  it^  nat9n4  expressjpn ;  an4  thea 
living  %  atarii  of  j^y,  ea^<^me4»  "  Whair  do  ]][  aee  I  Mr, 
Wafter!" 

'^j^"  r^plif;4  ^ftnn,  "You're  wery  glad  to  see  me, 
aVtyou?" 

**  Glad  \ "  exclaimed  Job  Trottw ;  «  Oh,  Mr.  Walker, 
{f  yqn  t^  but  known  how  I  have  looked  forward  to  this 


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180  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

meeting !    It  is  too  much,  Mr.  Walker ;  I  cannflt  bear  it^ 
indeed  I  cannot"    And  with  tliese  wordg,  Mr.  Trotter 
burst  into  a  regular  inundation  of  tears,  and,  flinging  his 
arms  round  those  of  Mr.  WeUer,  embraced  him  closolj,- 
in  an  ecstasy  of  joy. 

^  Gret  off!  "  cried  Sam,  indignant  at  this  process,  and 
vainly  endeavoring  to  extricate  Mmself  from  the  gra&p  of 
his  enthusiastic  acquaintance.  *<  Get  off,  I  tell  you. 
What  are  you  crying  over  me  for,  you  portable  in* 
gine?" 

**  Because  I  am  so  glad  to  see  you,**  replied  Job  Trot- 
ter, gradually  releasing  Mr.  WeUer,  as  the  first  symp- 
toms of  his  pugnacity  disappeared.  ^^  Oh,  Mr.  Walker, 
this  is  too  much." 

"  Too  much ! "  echoed  Sam,  **  I  think  it  is  too  mudi  — 
rayther  I    Now  what  have  you  got  to  say  to  me,  eh  ?  * 

Mr.  Trotter  made  no  reply ;  for  the  little  pink  pocket 
handkerchief  was  in  full  force. 

^  What  have  you  got  to  say  to  me,  afore  I  knock  your 
head  off?  "  repeated  Mr.  Weller,  in  a  threataiing  mian- 
ner. 

<<  Eh  !**  said  Mr.  Trotter,  with  a  look  of  virtuous  sur- 
prise. 

"  What  have  you  got  to  say  to  me  ?  ** 

"I,  Mr.  Walker?** 

"  Don't  call  me  Valker ;  my  name's  Veller ;  you  know 
Uiat  veil  enough.    What  have  yon  got  to  say  to  me  ?  " 

"Bless  you,  Mr.  Walker  —  Weller  I  mean  —  a  great 
many  things,  if  you  will  come  away  somewhere,  where 
we  can  talk  comfortably.  If  you  knew  how  I  have 
looked  for  you,  Mr.  Weller"  — 

"  Wery  hard,  indeed,  I  s'pose  ?  "  said  Sam,  dryly. 

"  Very,  very,  sir,"  replied  Mr.  Trotter,  without  moving 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  181 

a  muscle  of  his  face.    ^  But  shake  hauds,  Mr.  Wd- 

Sam  eyed  his  companion  for  a  few  seconds,  and  then, 
as  if  actuated  bj  a  sudden  impulse,  complied  with  his  re- 
quest. 

**  How,**  sidd  Job  Trotter,  as  thej  walked  awaj,  "  Efow 
is  jour  dear,  good  master?  Oh,  he  is  a  worthy  gentle- 
man, Mr.  Weller !  I  hope  he  didn't  catch  cold,  that 
dreadful  night,  sir.** 

There  was  a  momentary  look  of  deep  slyness  in  Job 
Trotter's  eye,  as  he  siud  this,  which  ran  a  thrill  Ihrough 
Mr.  Wellei^s  clenched  fist  as  he  burnt  with  a  desire  to 
make  a  demonstration  on  his  ribs.  Sam  constrained 
himself,  however,  and  replied  that  his  master  was  ex- 
tremely welL 

""Oh,  I  am  so  glad,"  replied  Mr.  Trotter,  <<iB  he 
here?" 

"Is  youm  ?•*  asked  Sam,  by  way  of  reply.  . 

**0h,  yes,  he  is  here,  and  I  grieve  to  say,  Mr.  Wellmry 
he  is  going  on,  worse  than  ever." 

"Ah,  ah?"  said  Sam. 

•*  Oh,  shocking —  terrible ! " 

^  At  a  boarding-school  ?  "  said  Sam. 

"  No,  not  at  a  boardingHSchool,"  replied  Job  Trotter, 
with  the  same  sly  look  which  Sam  had  noticed  before  i 
^  Not  at  a  boarding-schooL" 

"  At  the  house  with  the  green  gate?"  inquired  Sam, 
eying  his  companion  closely. 

''No,  no — oh,  not  there,"  replied  Job,  with  a  quidc- 
ness  very  unusual  to  him,  "  not  there." 

"  What  was  yoti  a  doin'  there  ? "  asked  Sam,  with  m 
diarp  glance.  *^  Got  inside  the  gate  by  ac(»dent,  per^ 
hape?** 


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192  POSTHUMOUS  PAFCRS  OF 

<*  Wkjt  Mr.  W^Uer,^  replied  Job,  "  I  danH  nrind  teU 
ing  you  my  little  secrets,  because,  jou  know,  we  took 
Buob  ft  faacj  for  eiM^  oihier  wl^ea  we  SJ^t.  met*    You  rec- 
ollect bow  ploaaant  we  were  tbalb  monuQg? " 

''Ob  jes,"  said  Sam,  impatientlj.  ''I  remember. 
WeB," 

'^  WeU,"  Feplii^  Jpl?,  ^peakuag  witb  g?«a^  prodslon^ 
1^  in  tbe  low  ^ne  of  a  man  wbo  <K)nwnqniop^ea  im  im« 
portant  secret ;  ^  In  that  bouse  witb  the  green  gaib^  Mr. 
'W'*!!^,  tbej  kee|>  a  good  inmj  servants." 

<'  Sq  I  9bQu}d  4viBk«  fropi  the  look  on  it,"  interposed 
Sftm, 

^  Yes,**  cpntinu^d  Mr.  Trott^,  "  and  one  of  them  is  a 
cQok,  wbo  b9s  QfivQd  up  1^  little  money,  Mr.  Wellor,  and 
is  desirous  if  she  can  establish  herself  in  life,  tQ  <^en  a 
litHle  shop  in  the  cbandl^ry  w{\y,  jou  ae^*" 

«  Yes  ?  " 

"Yes,  Mr,  WeU^r*  Welli  w  I  «n^  li«r  at  a  cbf^l 
tluM  I  go  to — 1^  very  n^  little  chapel  ii^  this  town,  Mr. 
Weller,  where  they  sing  tbo  nomber  four  collection  of 
hymns,  which  I  generally  carry  abant  with  me,  in  a  lit- 
tle book,  which  you  may  perhaps  have  seen  in  my  hand 
—  and  I  got  a  littl<9  intifai^  with  her,  Mr.  Welleri  and 
fywfk  thfit,  m  acquaintance  sprung  up  between  u%  Jind  I 
iU«y  yentarci  tQ  sayt  Mr.  Welle?,  tbM  I  am  to  be  Um 
cbandler.** 

<<  Ah,  and  a  we^  ami^Ue  chandler  yonll  muke^**  re- 
plied Sam,  eying  Job  with  a  side  look  of  intenae  dta^ 
like. 

*'The  great  advantage  of  tbisi  Mr.  Weller,''  continaed 
Ji^by  his  Qye»  fillip  wiUi  teaie  ^^  he  spoke,  ^  will  be^  that 
Lsball  benblQ  ta  leave  mj  present  disgraceful  service 
with  that  bad  man,  and  to  devote  myself  to  a  better  mi4 


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THfe  iPlCfeWlCK  CLUB  l8i 

ttot«  VtrtHOus  te  —  iftolie  b]»5  th6  imy^iii  which  I  wm 
brought  up,  Mr.  Weller." 
^  You  must  ha'  been  werj  ttSeety  brought  up,**  stud 

SftOL 

«0h,  veiy,  Mr.  Weller,  very,**  replied  Job;  at  the 
VeeoOeetion  of  the  purity  of  his  youthfUl  days,  Mr.  Trot- 
lei  pulled  forth  the  pink  handkerchief,  and  wept  copi- 
mi«ly. 

^  You  muAt  ha'  been  an  uncommoA  nice  hay  to  go  to 
school  vith,"  said  Sam. 

**I  was,  ^y**  replied  «teb,  hetfvkg  a  deep  6^  »I 
'Was  tlie  idol  of  the  ^ce." 

•Ah,"  said  Sam,  "I  doni  woftdet-  at  it  Whftt  a 
•6omfon  you  must  ha'  been  lb  your  blessed  mother  I  ^ 

At  ttiese  words,  Mr.  Job  Trotter  inserted  an  end  of 
the  pink  handkerchief  into  the  comer  of  each  eye,  one 
after  Ae  other,  and  began  to  weep  copiously. 

^  Wofs  the  matter  vith  the  man,"  said  Sam,  indignant- 
ly. "  Chelsea  water-works  is  nothin'  to  you.  What  are 
you  melting  rith  tiow  -^  fkk&  eonsoiousness  &  willany  ?  " 

^  I  cannot  keep  my  feelings  down^  Mr.  Weller,"  saM 
Jdb,  aif^r  a  shoit  pau^  «To  thii^  that  my  master 
iftioukl  kttve  suspeoled  the  oonTersatiOn  I  had  with  youn^ 
and  so  dragged  me  away  in  a  post-chaise,  and  after  per^ 
Madiiig  the  8weet  young  lady  to  say  she  khew  nothing 
of  him,  aad  bribing  the  school-mistress  to  do  the  same^ 
deserted  her  for  a  better  speeulation,  ^^  oh  I  Mr*  Wdkr, 
ll  makee  me  shudder." 

«  Oh,  that  was  the  vay,  was  it?  "  said  Mr.  Weller. 

**  To  be  sure  it  was,"  replied  Job. 

'^Yeiy  «aid  San,  as  tlvey  had  now  arrired  near  the 
Hotel,  « I  vant  to  have  a  little  bit  o'  talk  with  ywl,  Job  \ 
10  if  you're  not  partickler  engaged,  I  should  like  to  see 


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184  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

jou  at  tbe  Great  White  Horse  to-night,  somewheres 
about  eight  o'clock." 

^^  I  shall  be  sure  to  comey"  sud  Job. 

**  Yes,  you'd  better,"  replied  Sam,  with  a  very  mean^ 
ing  look,  ^  or  else  I  shall  perhaps  be  askin'  arter  you,  at 
the  other  side  of  the  green  gate,  and  then  I  might  cut 
you  out,  you  know." 

"  I  shall  be  sure  to  be  with  you,  sir,"  said  Mr.  Trot- 
ter ;  and  wringing  Sam's  hand  with  the  utmost  fervor,  he 
walked  away. 

<<  Take  care.  Job  Trotter,  take  care,"  said  Sam,  look- 
ing afler  him,  "  or  I  shall  be  one  too  many  for  you  tlus 
time:  I  shall,  indeed."  Having  uttered  this  soliloquy, 
and  looked  after  Job  till  he  was  to  be  seen  no  more,  Mr. 
Weller  made  the  best  of  his  way  to  his  master's  bedroom. 

^  It's  all  in  training,  sir,"  said  Sam. 

^  Whaf  s  in  training,  Sam  ?  "  inquired  Mr.  Pickwidu 

^  I  have  found  'em  out,  sir,"  said  Sam. 

"Found  out  who?" 

"  That  'ere  queer  customer,  and  the  melan-cholly  chap 
with  the  black  hair," 

"  Impossible,  Sam ! "  said  Mr*  Pickwi<^  with  the 
greatest  enei^.  "  Where  are  they,  Sam;  where  are 
they?" 

"Hush,  hush!"  replied  Mr*  Weller;  and  as  he  as* 
sisted  Mr.  Pickwick  to  dress,  he  detailed  the  plan  of 
actkm  on  which  he  proposed  to  enter. 

"  But  when  is  this  to  be  done,  Sam  ?  "  inquired  Mr. 
Pickwick. 

^  All  in  good  time,  sir,"  replied  Sam. 

Whether  it  was  done  in  good  time,  or  not,  will  be  seen 
hereafler. 


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THB  PICKWICK  CLUB  \Si 


CHAPTEB   XXIV. 

WHERBIN  MB.  PETBB  KAONUS  OBOWS  JEALOUS,  UTU 
THE  MIDDLE-AGED  LADT  APPBBHENSITB,  WHICH 
BBING9  THE  PICKWIOKIANS  WITHIN  THB  OBA8P  Of 
THE   LAW. 

When  Mr.  Pickwick  descended  to  the  room  in  which 
he  and  Mr.  Peter  Magnus  had  spent  the  preceding  even- 
ing, he  found  that  gentleman  with  the  major  part  of  the 
contents  of  the  two  bags,  the  leathern  hat-box,  and  the 
brown-paper  parcel,  displayed  to  all  possible  adyantage 
on  his  person,  while  he  himself  vras  pacing  up  and  down 
theroom  in  a  state  of  the  utmost  excitement  and  agitation. 

**  Oood-moming,  sir,**  said  Mr.  Peter  Magnus.  •*  What 
do  you  think  of  this,  sir  ?  " 

"  Very  effective  indeed,"  replied  Mr.  Pickwick,  sur- 
i^ying  the  garments  of  Mr.  Peter  Magnus  with  a  good- 
natured  smile. 

«  Yes,  I  think  it'U  do,"  said  Mr.  Magnus.  «  Mr.  Pick- 
wick, sir,  I  have  sent  up  my  card." 

"  Have  you  ?  "  siud  Mr.  Pickwick. 

"^  Yes ;  and  the  waiter  brought  back  word,  that  she 
would  see  me  at  eleven  —  at  eleven,  sir;  it  only  wants  a 
quarter  now." 

**  Very  near  the  time,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick* 

<<  Yes,  it  is  rutker  near,"  replied  Mr.  Magnus,  **^  rather 
too  near  to  be  pleasant — eh  1  Mr.  Pickwick,  air  ?  " 

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181  P06THUMDir»  PABEBSI  OF 

"  Confidence  is  a  great  thing  in  these  cases,**  observed 
Mr.  Pickwick. 

^^  I  believe  it  is,  sir/'  said  Mr.  Peter  Magnus.  *^  I  am 
very  confident,  sir.  Really,  Mr.  Pickwick,  I  do  not  see 
why  a  man  should  feel  any  fear  in  such  a  case  as  this, 
sir.  What  is  it,  sir  ?  There's  nothing  to  be  ashamed  of; 
it*s  a  matter  of  n^t^^  a^ooniHiodation,  nothing  more, 
llusband  on  one  side,  wife  on  the  other.  That's  my 
vjit^w  of  tbe.mfttte];^  Mi!^  Pickwiok." 

*<  J[t^  is  a.  v^ry  phiWse^o^^  or^"  replied  Mp<^  Pickwick. 
<VBut  breakff^  i#  waiting,  Mr»  Ma^up«    Come*" 

Down  they  sat  to  breakfast,  but  it  was  evident,  not- 
withstanding the  boasting  of  Mr.  Peter  Magnus,  that 
he  labored  uofder  a  very  oon&idierable  degree  of  aervous- 
nesS)  of  which  loss  of  appetite,  a  prapensi^  to  upset  the 
tea-th^gs,  a  qpectrsji  atl^ou^pt  at  drollery,  an<^  an  irresist- 
iUe  inclination  to  look  at  the  dock,  every  other  second, 
were  ainiCMig  the  prin^paJ  symptoms. 

^'He-^he — he,"  tittered  Mr.  Magnjost  affectiag 
cheerfulne^  and  gissping  with  agitation.  *^  It  only  want) 
two  minutes^  Mr.  Pickwi^*    Am  I  pale>  sir  ?  " 

"Not  veiy,"  replied  Mr.  Pickwick. 
.    Thj^re  wa^  a  brief  pause. 

^  I  b^  JoiM?  purdopi,  Mr.  Pickwick  I  bat  have  yo« 
ever  done  this  sort  of  thing  in  your  time?"  said  Mck 
Magnus. 

"  You  mean  proposixig  ?  "  said  Mr.  Pickwick. 

"Yes." 

"Never,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick,  with  great,  energy, 
^  never." 

"You  have  no  idea,  then,  how  it's  best  to  begin?" 
said  Mr.  Magnus* 

":Why,"  sf^d  Mr.  Piokwick>^  "I  mr  !»▼»  fiwmed 
some  ideas  upon  tb^  subject,  but,  a%  I  nisv«r  hav^  sub* 

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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  187 

hiitted  them  to  the  test  o^  ^s^riene^  I  sbonlcl  be  sorry 
if  7<m  wer^  induced  to  t^tdate  jovtt  prooeedhigs  bj 
fliem.*' 

''I  sboitld  fed  very  macb  obliged  to  yon  fat  any  ad« 
ric^  sir,"  atM  Mr.  Magnud,  takhig  another  look  at  the 
dddk :  th^  hand  of  which  was  rerging  on  the  fire  mm« 
utue  past 

*  Well,  ftff,**  said  Mr.  I'lekwick,  with  Ae  profbnnd 
Mieninity  with  whidh  that  great  man  cotrld,  when  he 
^leftsed,  render  his  ttoiarks  so  deeply  impressire:  **! 
should  commence,  sir,  with  a  tribnte  to  the  lady's  beauty 
and  excellent  qualities ;  from  them,  sir,  I  should  diverge 
to  my  own  unworthiness.** 

"  Very  good,"  said  Mr.  W^us. 

•*  TJn worthiness  for  her  only,  mind,  sir,"  resumed  Mr. 
Pickwick ;  "  for  to  show  that  I  was  not  wholly  unwor- 
thy, sir,  I  should  take  a  brief  review  of  my  past  lifo, 
and  present  obndltion.  I  should  argue,  by  analogy,  that 
to  anybody  else,  I  rnnst  be  a  very  desirable  object  I 
iiiot^ld  then  expatiate  on  the  warmth  of  my  bve,  and 
the  depth  of  liiy  devotion.  Berhaps  1  might  then  be 
tempted  to  seize  her  hand." 

^Yes,  I  see,"  said  Mr.  Magnns;  ^that  would  be  a 
V^greAt  pdint* 

"I  should  then,  sir,"  continued  M^.  PSck^ick,  grow- 
ing waMter  i^  the  subject  presented  itself  in  more  glow- 
ing colors  before  him  -^  *  I  shduld  then,  sir,  come  to  tlie 
plain  and  simple  question,  *  Will  yon  haV6  me  ?  *  I  think 
t  am  jdstided  in  assuming  that  upon  this,  she  ivould 
turn  away  her  head." 

^  Tdtt  think  fliat  may  b6  tak^n  tbf  granted  ?"  siud  Mr. 
tfagnttfi;  ^b«(^itd^  if  she  did  not  do  that  at  the  right 
place,  it  would  be  embarrassing." 


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188  POSTHUMOUS  PAPmS  OF 

<<!  think  she  would,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick.  ''Dpoii 
this,  sir,  I  should  squeeze  her  hand,  and  I  think — I 
think,  Mr.  Magnus  —  that  after  I  had  done  that,  suf^Mft- 
ing  there  was  no  refiisal,  I  should  gentlj  draw  awi^  the 
handkerchief^  which  mj  slight  knowlei^  <^  human  na- 
ture leads  me  to  suppose  the  lady  would  he  applying  to 
her  ejes  at  the  moment,  and  steal  a  respectful  kiss.  I 
think  I  should  kiss  her,  Mr.  Magnus ;  and  at  this  par- 
ticular point,  I  am  decidedly  of  (^mion  that  if  the  lady 
were  going  to  take  me  at  all,  she  would  murmur  into  my 
ears  a  bashfiil  acceptance.** 

Mr.  Magnus  started :  gazed  on  Mr.  Pickwick's  intelli- 
gent face,  for  a  short  time  in  silence :  and  then  (the  dial 
pointing  to  the  ten  minutes  past)  shook  him  warmly  by 
the  hand,  and  rushed  desperately  from  the  room. 

Mr.  Pickwick  had  taken  a  few  strides  to  and  fro ;  and 
the  small  hand  of  the  clock  following  the  latter  part  of 
his  example,  had  arrived  at  the  figure  which  indicates 
the  half  hour,  when  the  door  suddenly  opened.  He 
turned  round  to  greet  Mr.  Peter  Magnus,  and  enooun- 
tered,  in  his  stead,  the  joyous  ikce  of  Mr.  Tupman,  the 
serene  countenance  of  Mr.  Winkle,  and  the  intellectual 
lineaments  of  Mr.  Snodgrass. 

As  Mr.  Pickwick  greeted  them,  Mr.  Peter  Miy^iyi 
(ripped  into  the  room. 

^  My  friends,  the  gentleman  I  was  ^peaking  of — 
Mr.  Magnus,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick. 

^'Your  servant,  gentlemen,"  said  Mr.  Magnus,  evi- 
dently in  a  high  state  of  excitement ;  ^  Mr.  Pickwick, 
allow  me  to  speak  to  you  one  moment,  sir." 

As  he  said  this,  Mr.  Magnus  harnessed  his  forefinger 
to  Mr.  Pickwick's  button-hole,  and,  drawing  him  into  a 
window  recess,  siud : 


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Tta  PICKWICK  CLUB.  189 

^  Congititulate  me,  Mr.  Pickwick ;  I  foUowed  jour  ad- 
fice  to  the  very  letter.'* 

<<  And  it  was  all  correct,  was  it?  "  inquired  Mr.  Pick- 
wick. 

"  It  was  sir  —  could  not  possibly  have  been  better,** 
reined  Mr.  Magmis ;  ^  Mr.  Pidcwick,  she  is  mine.** 

**  I  congratulate  ydu  with  all  my  heart,**  replied  Mr, 
Pickwick,  warmly  shaking  his  new  friend  by  the  hand. 

"  You  must  see  her,  sir,"  said  Mr.  Magaus ;  "  this  way, 
tf  you  please.  Excuse  us  for  one  instant,  gentlemen.** 
Hurrying  on  in  this  way,  Mr.  Peter  Magnus  drew  Mr. 
Pickwick  fVom  the  room.  He  paused  at  the  next  door 
in  the  passage,  and  tapped  gently  thereat. 

"  Come  in  I "  said  a  female  voice.     And  in  they  went 

"Miss  Witherfield,"  said  Mr.  Magnus,  "  Allow  me  to 
introduce  my  very  particular  friend,  Mr.  Pickwick.  Mr. 
Pickwick,  I  beg  to  make  you  known  to  IkOss  Wither- 
field.** 

The  lady  was  at  the  uppejr  end  of  the  room.  As  Mr. 
Pickwick  bowed,  he  took  his  spectacles  from  1^  waist- 
coat pocket,  and  put  them  on ;  a  process  which  he  had 
no  sooner  gone  through,  than,  uttering  an  exclamation  of 
surprise,  Mr.  Pickwick  retreated  several  paces :  and  the 
lady,  with  a  half-suppressed  scream,  hid  her  fac^  in  her 
hands,  and  drc^iped  into  a  chair :  wliereupon  Mr.  Peter 
Magnus  was  stricken  motionless  on  the  spot,  and  gazed 
from  one  to  the  other,  with  a  countenance  expressive  of 
the  extremities  of  horror  and  surprise. 

This  certamly  was,  to  all  appearance,  very  una(5ooiint- 
■ble  behavior;  but  the  fact  is,  that  Mr.  Pickwick  no 
sooner  put  on  his  spectacles,  than  he  at  once  recognized 
in  the  future  Mrs.  Magnus  the  lady  into  whose  room  he 
luid  so  unwarrantably  intruded  On  the  previous  night ; 


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190  POSTHUMOUS  PAPJM  OF 

and  the  speetaclefa  had  no  sooner  crodBed  iir.  Pldc#ick'9 
nose,  than  the  lady  at  once  ideatifled  the  ^ount^nanoe 
Which  ^e  had  seen  fenmmrided  by  01  ttUd  hdtrorS  of 
a  nightcap.  So  the  lady  screamed,  and  Mr.  Piekwidc 
started. 

<<Mr.  Piekwiek ! "  e^laimM  Mr.  Magtiug,  ks*  in  As- 
tthitfiiAent)  <<  What  is  (he  meaning  of  ihfe,  dt?  What 
ia  the  mecmhig  of  it,  sir?"  added  Mr.  MagnuA^  in  a 
threatening,  and  a  louder  tone. 

^  Sir,"  said  Mr.  Piekwiek,  somewhat  indignant  at  Ae 
Very  sudden  manner  in  which  Mr.  Peter  Magnus  had 
oohjugated  himself  into  the  imperative  mood^  ^  I  decline 
answering  that  question." 

"You  decline  it,  sir?"  said  Mr.  Magnus. 

"I  do,  sir,"  replied  Mr.  Pickwidc ;  **1  object  to  say* 
itig  anything  which  may  compromise  that  lady,  or  awaken 
unpleasant  recollections  in  her  bueast,  witheut  her  con- 
sent and  permission." 

"  Miss  Witherfield,*  said  Mr.  Peter  Magnus,  "do  you 
know  tins  person  ?  " 

"  Know  him  I "  repeated  the  middle-ogeid  lady,  h«ft- 
itatihgi 

"  Yes,  know  him^  ma'atn.  I  said  know  him^*'  refylled 
Mr.  Maghus,  With  ftffodty. 

'  I  have  seen  hisi,"  replied  die  mtddle-^i^  kdy. 

"  Where  ?  "  inquired  Mr.  Magnus,  **  wherA  ?  " 

"That^"  said  the  middle-aged  lady,  rising  fi^m  h^r 
seat,  and  averting  her  bead,  "  that  I  wouM  het  luteal  for 
woiWs." 

"  I  understand  yoa,  ma'am,*  said  Mr.  Piehntrfek,  "Md 
reapect  your  delicuusy ;  it  shaH  n^ver  be  r^teUli^  bjr  m», 
ilepend  upod  it" 

""Upon  ray  word,  ma^aih,"  said  Mr.  MagMft,  ^c^nsldiet- 


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THB  PiCKWICfi  OLUB.  191 

kig  die  sitnatioa  ki  wbkk  I  am  placed^  m(Ai  r^^ai^  to> 
fouTselif  70a  earrj  this  nttattev  off  with  tolerable  coplr 
Bess  —  tolerable  eoolnefls,  ma'am." 

'^  Cruel  Mr*  Magnus  I"  siud  the  middle-aged  lady ;  he^e 
she  wept,  very  oopioiisly  indeed. 

^  Address  yoar  obeervations  to  me,  sir,**  interpofied  Mf  • 
PickwidL ;  ^  I  alpne  am  to  blam%  if  anybody  be*" 

^Ohl  youaliNie  are  to  blame,  areyoo,  sir?"  said  Mr- 
Magnae ;  **  I  •?—  I  —  see  through  this,  sir.  You  repent 
of  your  detonnination  now,  do  you  ?  ** 

^  My  detenainatioii  I "  aatd  Mr.  Piokwiok* 

"  Your  determination,  sir.  Oh  !  don't  stare  at  me,  sir," 
said  Mr.  Magnus ;  *^I  recollect  your  words  last  night,  sir. 
You  came  down  here,  sir^  to  expose  the  treachery  and 
fklsekood  of  an  iadlYidual  on  whose  truth  and  honor  you 
had  placed  implicit  relia»ee  —  eh  ?  "  Here  Mr.  Peter 
Magnus  indulged  in  a  prolonged  sneer ;  and  taking  off 
hifl  green  ^ectades  —  which  he  probably  found  superflu* 
ens  in  his  fit  of  jealousy  —  rolled  his  little  eyes  about^  in 
a  manner  which  was  frightful  to  behokl 

^  Eh  ?  "  said  Mr^  Magnus ;  and  then  he  repeated  tha 
8Beer  wi^  increased  effect*  ^  But  you  shall  answer  ll» 
sir." 

"  Answer  what  ?  "  said  Mr.  Pickwick. 

^  Never  mind,  sir,"  replied  BIr.  Magnu)s»  striding  up 
and  dowu  the  room.     "  Never  mind." 

There  must  be  something  very  comprehensive  in  (Ub 
phrase  of  *^  Never  mind,"  for  we  do  not  recollect  to  hav^ 
ever  witnessed  a  quarrel  in  the  street^  at  a  theatre,  public 
room,  or  elsewhere,  in  which  it  has  not  been  the  standard 
reply  to  all  belligerent  inquiries.  "  Do  you  call  yourself 
a  gentleman,  sir  ?  "  —  "  Never  mind,  sir."  "  Did  I  oflfei 
to  say  anything  to  the  young  woman,  sir  ?  "  — "  Neve?: 


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192  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

mind,  sir."  ^  Do  joa  want  jour  head  knocked  up  againsl 
that  wall,  sir  ?  "  —  "  Never  mind,  sir."  It  is  observable, 
too,  that  there  would  appear  to  be  some  hidden  taunt  in 
this  imiversal  "  Never  mind,"  which  rouses  more  indig- 
nation in  the  bosom  of  the  individual  addressed,  than  the 
most  lavish  abuse  could  possiblj  awaken. 

We  do  not  mean  to  assert  that  the  implication  of  this 
brevity  to  himself,  struck  exactly  that  indignation  to  Mr. 
Pickwick's  soul,  which  it  would  infallibly  have  roused  in 
a  vulgar  breast.  We  merely  record  the  &ct  that  Mr. 
Pickwick  opened  the  room-door,  and  abruptly  called  out, 
"  Tupman  come  here  ! " 

Mr.  Tupman  immediately  presented  himself,  with  a 
look  of  very  considerable  surprise. 

"  Tupman,"  said  Mr.  Pickwick,  **  a  secret  a£  some  del- 
icacy, in  which  that  lady  is  concerned,  is  the  cause  of  a 
difierence  which  has  just  arisen  between  this  gentleman 
and  myself.  When  I  assure  him,  in  your  presence,  that 
it  has  no  relation  to  himself,  and  is  not  in  any  way  con- 
nected with  his  affairs,  I  need  hardly  beg  you  to  take 
notice  that  if  he  continue  to  dispute  it,  he  expresses  a 
doubt  of  my  veracity,  which  I  shall  consider  extremely 
insulting."  As  Mr.  Pickwick  said  this,  he  looked  ency- 
clopaedias at  Mr.  Peter  Magnus. 

Mr.  Pickwick's  upright  and  honorable  bearing,  coupled 
with  that  force  and  energy  of  speech  which  so  eminently 
distinguished  him,  would  have  carried  conviction  to  any 
reasonable  mind ;  but  unfortunately  at  that  particular 
moment,  the  mind  of  Mr.  Peter  Magnus  was  in  anything 
but  reasonable  order.  Consequently,  instead  of  receiving 
Mr.  Pickwick's  explanation  as  he  ought  to  have  done,  he 
forthwith  proceeded  to  work  himself  into  a  red-hot,  scorch- 
ing, consuming  passion,  and  to  talk  about  what  was  due 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  198 

to  lii9  owA  feelings,  and  all  that  sort  of  thing :  adding 
force  to  his  declamaticm  bj  striding  to  and  firo,  and  pollr 
ing  his  hair — amusements  which  he  would  vary  oocasion- 
aUjy  bj  shaking  his  fist  in  Mr.  Pickwick's  philanthropic 
eocmtenance. 

Mr.  Pickwick,  in  his  turn,  consdoos  of  his  own  inno- 
uenco  and  rectitude,  and  irritated  bj  having  unfortunately 
tofolTed  the  middle^ed  lady  in  such  an  unpleasant 
afiair,  was  not  so  quietly  disposed  as  was  his  wont.  The 
ocmsequenoe  was,  that  words  ran  high,  and  voices  higher; 
and  at  length  Mr.  Magnus  told  Mr.  Pickwick  he  should 
hear  from  him:  to  which  Mr.  Pickwick  replied,  with 
laudable  politeness,  that  the  sooner  he  heard  from  him 
the  better ;  whereupon  the  middle*aged  lady  rushed  in 
terror  from  the  room,  out  of  wbidi  Mr.  Tupman  dragged 
Mr.  Pickwick,  leaving  Mr.  Peter  Magnus  to  himself  and 
meditation. 

If  the  middle-agcd  la^y  had  mingled  much  with  the 
busy  world,  or  had  profited  at  all,  by  the  manners  and 
customs  of  those  who  make  the  laws  and  set  the  fashions, 
she  would  have  known  that  this  sort  of  ferocity  is  the 
most  harmless  thing  in  nature ;  but  as  she  had  lived  for 
the  most  part  in  the  country,  and  never  read  the  par- 
liamentary debates,  she  was  little  versed  in  these  parties 
lar  refinements  of  civilized  life.  Accordingly,  when  she 
had  gained  her  bedchamber,  bolted  herself  in,  and  be- 
gun to  meditate  on  the  scene  she  had  just  witnessed,  the 
most  terrific  pictures  of  edau^ter  and  destruction  pre- 
sented themselves  to  her  imagination ;  among  wiiich,  a 
full-length  portrait  of  Mr.  Peter  Magnus  borne  home  by 
four  men,  with  tlie  embellishment  of  a  whole  barrel-foil 
of  bullets  in  his  left  side,  was  among  the  very  least  The 
more  the  middle-aged  lady  meditated,  the  more  terrified 

voT,.  II.  ia 


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194  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

ihelMK»nie ;  and  at  length  she  detennined  to  repmr  to 
the  house  of  the  principal  magistrate  of  the  town,  and 
•  request  him  to  secure  the  persons  of  Mr.  PidLwick  and 
Mr.  Tupman,  without  delay. 

To  tliis  decision,  the  middle-aged  lady  was  ino^lled  bj 
a  yariety  of  considerations,  the  chief  of  which,  was  the 
incontestable  proof  it  would  afford  of  her  devotion  to  Mr. 
Peter  Magnus,  and  her  anxiety  for  his  safety.  She  was 
too  well  acquainted  with  his  jealous  temperament  to  ven- 
ture the  slightest  allusion  to  the  real  cause  of  her  agita* 
tion  on  beholding  Mr.  Pickwick  ;  and  she  trusted  to  her 
own  influence  and  power  of  persuasion  with  the  little 
man,  to  quell  his  boisterous  jealousy,  supposing  that  Mr. 
Pickwick  were  removed,  and  no  fresh  quaiTel  could  arise. 
Filled  with  these  refleetions,  the  middle-aged  lady  arrayed 
herc^lf  in  her  bonnet  and  shawl,  and  i*epaired  to  the 
Mayor's  dwelling  straightway. 

Now  GkK>rge  Nupkins,  Esquire,  the  principal  magis- 
trate aforesaid,  was  as  grand  a  personage  as  ih»  fastest 
walker  woukl  find  out,  between  sunrise  and  sunset,  on 
the  twenty-first  of  June^  which  being,  according  to  the 
almanacs,  the  longest  day  in  the  whole  year,  would  nat- 
nndly  afford  him  the  longest  period  for  his  search.  On 
this  partioukir  morning  Mr.  Nupkins  was  in  a  state  of 
the  utmost  excitement  and  irritation,  for  there  had  been 
a  rebellion  in  the  town  ;  all  the  day-scholars  at  the  largest 
day-school,  had  conspired  to  break  the  windows  <^  ao 
obnoxious  api^e-sdier ;  and  had  hooted  the  beadle,  and 
pelted  the  constabulary  —  an  elderly  gentleman  in  top- 
boots,  who  had  been  called  out  to  repress  the  tumult,  and 
who  had  been  a  peace-officer,  man  and  boy,  for  half  a 
eentury  at  least  And  Mr.  Nupkins  was  sitting  in  his 
eisy  chair,  irowning  with  n^iesty,  and  boiling  with  rage, 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  19ft 

vheB  a  laidy  was  amioiinoed  on  presBing,  pEriiratey  and 
partioalar  business.  Mr.  NnpluBB  boked  cakaly  tenribK 
aad  commanded  ihat  the  lady  Aould  be  ^owain :  whidi 
oommand,  like  all  tbe  mandates  of  empero^  and  magia* 
teatea,  and  odier  great  potentates  cf  the  earth,  was  ^artht 
With  obeyed;  and  Miss  WttheriMd,  mterestingly  j^italed^ 
vias  ashei^  in  iceordingly. 

^  Mnaale ! '*  said  th^  ma^trate. 

Mtusasfe  was  an  undei^aiEed  fiwtman,  wllli  a  long  body 
and  ifaort  legs. 

«  Muzzle  I" 

**  Yes,  your  worriup." 

^  Pkoc  n  chair  and  leave  the  room*" 

"  Yes,  your  worship.** 

*^  Now,  maVun,  will  you  state  your  boanesa?"  said  the 
magistrate. 

**  It  is  of  a  very  painful  kind,  stiv**  said  Miss  Wither- 
field. 

«  Very  likely,  ma'am,"  said  the  magistrate.  **  Compose 
^aar  ieeliligs,  ma'ai^"  Here  Mr.  No{ddn8  looked  he- 
nif^Mat.  ^  And  then  teti  me  what  legal  btisiaess  brings 
you  b^re,  nla'am."  Here  the  magistrate  triumphed  over 
the  man ;  and  he  looked  stem  again. 

^  It  is  very  distreasing  to  me,  sir,  to  give  this  iitforma- 
tion,"  said  Miss  Wkberfidd,  ^but  I  lear  a  duel  is  going 
to  be  Ibugbt  here." 

<<Here,  ma'am?"  said  the  magisOaitet  ^Wiier^ 
fly^'aM?" 

"  In  Ipswich." 

^  In  Ipswich,  ma'am -^  a  dael  in  Ipsiinch !"  said  the 
magiStmIe,  pcrfeedy  aghast  at  the  ndtion.  *  Impossible, 
Hft'anl  t  nothing  of  the  kind  can  be  conteHi|)Uited  in  this 
town,  I  am  persuaded.     Bless  my  soul,  mafam,  are  you 


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196  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

awwre  of  the  activitj  of  our  local  inagi8trac7  ?  Do  yoQ 
happen  to  have  heard,  ma'am,  that  I  rushed  mto  a  prize* 
ring  on  the  fourth  <d  May  last,  attended  bj  onlj  siztj 
special  constables;  and,  at  the  hazard  of  fidling  a  sacrifice 
to  the  angiy  passions  of  an  infbriated  multitude,  prohib- 
ited a  pugiHstic  omtest  between  the  Middlesex  Dumpling 
and  the  Suffolk  Bantam  ?  A  duel  in  Ipswich,  ma'am  I 
I  don't  think  —  I  do  not  think,"  said  the  magistrate, 
reasoning  with  himself^  '^that  anj  two  men  can  hare  had 
the  hardihood  to  plan  such  a  breach  of  the  peace,  in  thia 
town." 

*^'My  information  is  unfortunatelj  but  too  correct,* 
said  the  middle-aged  ladj,  **  I  was  present  at  the  quar- 
reL" 

*'  It's  a  most  extraordinary  thing,"  said  the  astoundeil 
magistrate.     "  Muzzle  I " 

"  Yes,  your  worship." 

"  Send  Mr.  Jinks  here,  directly  —  instantly." 

"  Yes,  your  worship." 

Muzzle  retired;  and  a  pale,  sharp-nosed,  half-M, 
ghabbily<<:lad  clerk,  of  middle  age,  entered  the  room. 

^  Mr.  Jinks,"  said  the  magistrate.     *'  Mr.  Jinks !  * 

**  Sir,"  said  Mr.  Jinks. 

^  This  lady,  Mr.  Jinks,  has  come  here,  to  gire  Infor- 
mation of  an  intended  duel  in  this  town." 

Mr.  Jinks,  not  exactly  knowing  what  to  do,  smiled  a 
dependent's  smile. 

^What  are  you  kughing  at,  Mr.  Jinks?"  said  tlM 
magistrate. 

Mr.  Jinks  looked  serious  instantly. 

*  Mr.  Jhiks,"  sud  the  magistrate,  •*  you're  a  fooL" 

Mr.  Jinks  looked  humbly  at  the  great  man,  and  hit  tlM 
lop  of  his  pen. 


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THE  FICKWICK  CLUB.  197 

*^  ToQ  maj  see  somethinf  very  comical  in  this  infoi^ 
BU^aDy  sir ;  \m%  I  can  tdl  joa  this^  Mr.  Jinks,  that  700 
have  veiy  little  io  laogh  at,"  said  the  magistrate. 

The  hungry-looking  Jinks  sighed,  as  if  he  were  qmta 
aware  of  the  fact  of  his  having  veiy  little  indeed  to  be 
merry  about ;  and,  being  ordered  to  take  the  lady's  infor- 
mation, shambled  to  a  seat,  and  proceeded  to  write  it  down. 

*^  This  man,  Pickwick,  is  the  principal,  I  understand,'' 
said  the  magistrate,  when  the  statement  was  finished. 

^  He  is,"  said  the  middle-aged  lady. 

^  And  the  other  rioter  —  what's  his  name,  Mr« 
Jinks?" 

**TuiHnan,  sir." 

^  Tupman  is  the  second  ?  " 

•'Yes." 

**  The  other  principal  you  say,  has  absconded,  ma'am  ?  " 

"  Yes,"  replied  Miss  Witherfield,  with  a  short  cough. 

**  Very  well,"  said  the  magistrate.  "  These  are  two 
cut-throats  from  London,  who  have  come  down  here  to 
destroy  his  Majesty's  population :  thinking  that  at  this 
distance  from  the  capital,  the  arm  of  the  law  is  weak  and 
paralyzed.  They  shall  be  made  an  example  of.  Draw 
op  the  warrants,  Mr.  Jinks.     Muzzle  I " 

"  Yes,  your  wcnrship." 

"  Is  Grummer  down-stairs  ?  " 

"  Yes,  your  worship." 

«  Send  him  up." 

The  obsequious  Muzzle  retired,  and  presently  returned, 
btrodudng  the  elderly  gentleman  in  the  top-boots,  who 
was  chiefly  r^narkable  for  a  bottle-nose,  a  hoarse  voice, 
a  snuff-colored  surtout,  and  a  wandering  eye. 

**  Grummer,"  said  the  magistrate. 

"  Your  wash-up." 


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198  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

^  Ift  the  town  quiet  now  ?  ^ 

^Pretty  well,  jour  waah-up,"  replied  Gnumier. 
''  Pop'lar  fe^ig  faaa  in  a  measord  sabsided,  ooneekens  ^ 
llie  boj8  haviiig  disperBed  to  cricket*" 

<<  Nothing  bat  vigdrons  meaaares  will  do  in  Uiese  ItmefH 
Gnminer,''  said  the  magistrate,  m  a  detennined  manner. 
^  If  the  aotharity  of  the  king's  officers  is  set  at  Bought,  we 
tnust  faaTB  the  Biot  Act  read.  If  the  cMl  power  cannot 
protect  these  windows,  Gcmmmer,  the  militarj  moat  pro* 
tect  the  dvil  power,  and  the  windows  too.  I  believB  that 
is  a  nuudm  of  ikod  oonstxtntion,  Mr.  Jinks  ?  " 

**  Certainly,  sir,"  said  Jinks. 

''Very  good,"  said  the  magistrate,  signing  the  war- 
rants. "  Grummer,  you  will  btiag  these  persons  before 
mc  this  afternoon.  Yon  will  find  them  at  the  Great 
Wkite  Horse.  You  recollect  the  case  of  the  Middlesex 
Dumpling  and  the  Suffolk  Bantam,  Grummer  ?  ^ 

Miv  Grummer  intimated,  by  a  retrospective  shake  of 
the  head,  that  he  should  aerer  forget  it — as  indeed  it 
was  not  likely  he  would,  so  long  as  it  continued  to  be 
eited  daily. 

^  This  is  eyen  more  unoonstilutional,''  said  the  magis* 
trate ;  ''  this  is  even  a  greater  breach  of  the  peace,  and  a 
gi'osser  infringement  of  his  M^edty^s  pirerogative.  I  be- 
lieve duelling  is  one  of  hi^  Migesty's  most  aadoitbted  pre- 
rogatives, Mr.  Jinks  ?  " 

''Expressly  stipulated  in  Magna  Charta,  sir,"  said 
Mr«  Jinks* 

"One  of  the  brightest  jewels  in  the  British  crowa^ 
wrung  from  his  Miyesty  by  the  Barons,  I  believe,  Mjb. 
Jinks  ?  "  said  the  magistrate. 

"  Just  so,  sir,"  replied  Mr.  Jinks. 

"  Very  wi^ll,"  said  the  magistrate,  drawing  himself  up 


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THB  PICKWICK  CL0B.  199 

pfoadfyy  ^  it  shall  iiot  be  violnted  i«  this  portion  e^  bis 
dominions.  Grrammer,  procure  assistance,  and  exeeute 
ibese  warrants  witb  as  little  delay  as  possible*    Mus* 

"  Yes,  your  worship).'' 

*  Sbow  lihe  lady  ovt** 

MiBs  Widieifield  retired,  deeply  impressed  with  tbe 
raagistTHte's  learning  and  research ;  Mr.  Nupkins  retired 
to  loncb;  Mr.  Jinks  retired  widiin  himself — that  being 
Ihe  only  retirement  he  had,  except  the  sofa-bedstead  in 
the  small  parlor  which  was  occupied  by  his  landlad/e 
fitmily  in  the  dl^time  —  and  Mr.  Gvrummer  retire^  to 
wipe  out,  by  his  mode  of  dieobaiging  his  present  commis- 
sion, Ihe  insult  whieh  had  been  fastened  upon  himself, 
and  the  other  representative  of  his  Mi^ty  —  tiie  bead^ 
-^in  the  eonrse  of  liie  morning. 

While  tfaeae  resohite  and  determined  pfeparations  foo* 
tJ^  conservation  of  the  King's  peace>  were  pending,  Mr. 
Pickwick  and  hi^  friends,  wholly  unconscious  of  the 
m^ty  erventa  in  progp:<ess,  had  sat  qi^ietly  down  to  din- 
ner; and  very  talkative  and  companionable  they  all 
were.  Mr,  Pickwick  was  m  the  very  aet  of  relatng  his 
4vlventure  of  the  prece<fing  night,  to  the  great  amuse- 
ment of  his  followers :  Mr.  Tupman  eapecialty :  when 
the  door  opened,  and  a  somewhat  forbidding  countenance 
peeped  into  the  room.  The  eyes  in  the  fi)rbid<^ng  coun- 
tenance looked  very  eamestiy  at  Mr.  Pickwick,  for  sev- 
eral seconds,  and  were  to  all  appearance  satisfied  with 
dwir  investigation ;  for  the  body  to  which  the  forbidding 
eountenance  belonged^  sfewly  brought  itself  into  ^e  apart- 
oaeot,  and  presented  the  form  of  an  elderly  individual  in 
top-boots — not  to  keep  the  reader  any  longer  in  sus- 
pense, in  short,  the  ejea  were  the  wandering  eyes  of  Mr. 


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200  POSTHUMOUS  PAPERS  OF 

Gnimmer,  and  the  body  was  the  bodj  of  the  same  gen* 
Ueman. 

Mr.  Gru miner's  mode  of  prooeedmg  was  professional, 
but  peculiar.  ELis  first  act  was  to  bolt  the  door  on  the 
inside ;  his  second,  to  polish  his  head  and  countenance 
very  carefully  with  a  cotton  handkerchief;  his  third,  to 
place  his  hat,  with  the  cotton  handkerchief  in  it,  on  the 
nearest  chair ;  and  his  fourth  to  produce  from  the  breast- 
pocket of  his  coat  a  short  truncheon  surmounted  by  a 
brazen  crown,  with  which  he  beckoned  to  Mr.  Pickwick 
with  a  graye  and  ghost-like  air. 

Mr.  SnodgrasB  was  the  first  to  break  the  a8t<m]shed 
silence.  He  looked  steadily  at  Mr.  Gmmmer  for  a  brief 
space,  and  then  said  emphatically :  "  This  is  a  private 
room,  sir  —  a  private  room.*" 

Mr.  Grummer  shook  his  head,  and  replied,  **  No  room's 
private  to  His  Majesty  when  the  street^oor's  once 
passed.  That* s  law.  Some  people  maintains  that  an 
Englishman's  house  is  his  castle.    That's  gammon." 

The  Pickwickians  gazed  on  each  other,  with  wonder- 
ing eyes. 

"Which  is  Mr.  Tupman?**  inquired  Mr.  Grummer. 
He  had  an  intuitive  perception  of  Mr.  Pickwick ;  he 
knew  him  at  once. 

"  My  name'd  Tupman,"  said  that  g^itleman. 

"  My  name's  Law,"  said  Mr.  Grummer.       ' 

«  What  ?  "  said  Mr.  Tupman. 

''Law,"  replied  Mr.  Grummer,  **law,  civil  power, 
and  exekative ;  them's  my  titles ;  here's  my  authority. 
Blank  Tupman,  blank  Pickvick-**  against  the  peace  of 
our  sufierin'  Lord  the  King  —  stattit  in  that  case  made 
and  purwided  —  and  all  regular.  I  apprehend  yoa 
Pickvick  I  Tupman  —  the  afbresaid." 


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THE  PICKWICK  CLUB.  201 

^'Wbat  do  jOQ  meaa  bj  tfak  insotonoe?"  said  Mx. 
Tapman,  starting  op :  ^  Leaye  the  room ! " 

*'  Halloo/'  said  Mr.  Gmmmer,  retreatiiig  very  expedi- 
tiouslj  to  the  door,  and  opening  it  an  inch  or  two^  ^  Dub* 
bley." 

"^  Wei  V  said  a  deep  voice  from  the  passage. 

<*  Come  for'ard,  Dubbley,"  said  Mr.  Grummer. 

At  the  word  of  command,  a  dirty-faced  man,  some- 
thing over  six  feet  high,  and  stout  in  [M^oportion, 
squeezed  himself  through  the  half-open  door :  making 
his  face  very  red  in  the  process:  and  entered  the 
room. 

«Ig  the  other  specials  outside,  Dubbley?"  inquired 
Mr.  Grummer. 

Mr.  DubUey,  who  was  a  man  oi  few  words,  nodded 
assent 

'<  Order  in  the  diwision  under  your  charge,  Dubbley," 
said  Mr.  Grummer. 

Mr.  Dubbley  did  as  he  was  dedred ;  and  half  a  dozen 
men,  each  with  a  short  truncheon  and  a  brass  crown, 
flocked  into  the  rooon.  Mr.  Grummer  pocketed  his  staff, 
and  looked  at  Mr.  Dubbley ;  Mr.  Dubbley  pocketed  hts 
staff,  and  looked  at  the  division ;  and  the  division  pock- 
eted tAeir  staves,  and  looked  at  Messrs.  Tupman  and 
Pickwick. 

Mr.  Pickwick  and  his  followers,  rose  as  one  man. 

^  What  is  the  meaning  of  this  atrocious  intrusion  upon 
my  privacy  ?  **  said  Mr.  Pickwick. 

^  Who  dares  apprehend  me  ?  "  said  Mr.  Tupman. 

^What  do  you  wont  here.  Scoundrels?"  said  Mr. 
Snodgrass. 

Mr.  Winkle  said  nothings  but  he  fixed  his  eyes  on 
Ghrummer,  and  bestowed  a  look  npon  him,  which  if  ho 


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202  POSTHUMOUS  PAPEBS  OF 

bid  had  any  fbefing,  must  have  pS^reed  his  bndn.  As  it 
w&s  however,  it  had  no  vidiMe  effect  npon  hSm  whatever* 

When  the  executive  perceived  that  Mr.  Pickwick  and 
his  Mends  were  disposed  to  resist  the  authority  of  the 
law,  they  very  significantly  turned  up  their  coat-sleeves, 
as  if  knocking  them  down  in  the  first  instance,  and  tak- 
ing them  up  ailerwards,  were  a  mere  professional  act 
which  had  only  to  be  thought  of,  to  be  done,  as  a  matter  of 
oonrse.  This  demonstration  was  not  lost  upon  Mr.  Rck* 
wick.  He  conferred  a  few  momentB  with  Mr.  Toprnwi 
apart,  and  then  signified  his  readiness  to  preeeed  to  the 
Mayor's  residence :  merely  begging  the  parties  then  and 
diere  assembled,  to  take  notice,  that  it  was  his  finA  in- 
tention to  resent  this  monstrous  invasion  of  his  privi- 
leges as  an  Bnglishmaa,  the  instant  he  was  at  liberty ; 
whereat  the  parties  then  and  there  assembled  laughed 
very  heartily,  with  the  single  exception  of  Mr.  Gktrm- 
mer,  who  seemed  to  consider  that  any  elighl  cast  upott 
the  divme  right  of  magistrates,  was  a  species  ef  blas- 
phemy, not  to  be  ttilerated. 

But  when  Mr.  Pickwick  had  signMtod  his  readiness  to 
bow  to  the  laws  of  his  countify  $  and  just  when  the  waiV 
ers,  and  hostlers,  and  chamber-maidfl,  and  post-boysy 
who  had  anticipated  a  deHghtfhl  commotion  from  hk 
threatened  obstinacy,  began  to  turn  away,  disappointed 
and  disgusted;  a  difficulty  arose  which  had  not  been 
(btieseen.  With  every  sentiment  of  veneratk>n  for  the 
constituted  authorities,  Mr.  Pickwick  resolutely  pro- 
tested against  making  his  appearance  in  the  public 
streets,  surrounded  and  guarded  by  the  officers  o^  jus- 
tice, like  a  common  criminal.  Mr.  Grummer,  in  the 
then  disturbed  state  of  public  feeling  (for  it  was  half- 
holiday,  and  the  boys  had  not  yet  gone  home),  ae  veeo' 


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lulelj  pcotested  agaiBBt  walkisg  on  ^  of]|)Oif  te  iride  of 
the  way^  aod  taking  Mr.  Pkkwkk^s  parole  that  he  would 
go  straight  to  the  magistnite's ;  and  both  Mn  Pickwick 
and  Mr.  Tupman  as  strenuouslj  objected  lo  the  eKpeose 
of  a  post-coach,  wineh  was  the  only  respectable  oonvey- 
anoe  that  eottld  be  obtained*  The  dispute  ran  high^  and 
tiie  dilemma  lasted  long ;  and  just  as  the  exeeutive  weia 
on  the  point  q£  oreroomiag  Mr.  Plokwick's  objectioa 
to  walking  to  the  magistrate's  bj  the  trite  expedient  of 
cafi'j'ing  him  tUther,  it  was  recollected  that  theire  stood  in 
the  inn-yardy  aa  old  sedaD^chair,  whioh  haying  been  orig* 
hnUy  built  for  a  goaty  gentleman  with  funded  property, 
would  hold  Mr.  Piekwiek  and  Mr.  TupMan,  at  l^ist  aa 
conveniently  as  a  modem  poet^thaise.  The  chair  was 
hired,  and  brought  into  the  hall ;  Mr.  Pic^wiok  and  Mr* 
Tupman  squeezed  themselves  inaide,and  pulled  down  the 
Utnds;  a  couple  of  ehairmeo  were  speedily  found  i  and 
tiie  procession  started  in  giand  <nden  Hie  specials  suiv 
rounded  the  body  of  the  vehicle  (  Mr*  Grummer  and 
Mr.  Dubbley  marched  triumphantly  in  fiont ;  Mr»  Snod* 
grass  and  Mr.  WiiJde  waflted  arni*iiMina  behind ;  and 
Ihe  unaoaped  of  Ipswich  brought  up  the  rear. 

The  shof^epersof  the  town,  aMhough  they  hada  vei;y 
indistinct  notion  of  the  nature  of  iheoflfenoe,  coold  not  but 
be  much  edified  and  gralafied  by  tlus  spectacle.  Here 
was  the  strong  arm  4>£  the  law,  coming  down  with  twenty 
gold-beater  force,  upon  two  offenders  from  the  metvopo* 
Us  itself;  the  mighty  engine  was  direoted.  by  theiir  o^ti 
auigistrate,  and  worked  by  their  own  officers;  and  both 
file  crinnnak  by  their  united  dRata  were  secuirely  shut 
apv  in  the  narvow  compass  of  one  sedan-chair.  Many 
were  the  expressions  of  approval  and  admiration  which 
fteeted  Mr.  Qrummer^  as  he  iieaded  die  cavaleade,  staff